In the last chapter, Saria became inscensed when Adia lied to get out of spending time with her. Rather than allow his sister to wallow in misery, Assef took her on another Just Because, whereupon the siblings humiliated a young boy named Ahmad, leaving him crying in the mud. Now, we find that Saria has returned to school, where she must now face seeing Adia again after her best friend's betrayal. But when Adia reveals the true reason for her absence, will Saria still be able to hold a grudge?
I do not own the Kite Runner or any plots, characters, dialogue or quotes taken from the novel. I can only claim ownership of that which is not part of the original novel.
Also I do not necessarily condone the actions, thoughts, feelings, words and opinions of the characters in this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and should be viewed as such.
With those disclaimers out of the way, please enjoy this newest enstallment of Tainted Perfection! Comments are always welcome - I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read this story!
"Only a few more hours, Liebchen, and we'll see each other again." My brother pressed his lips to the back of my hand, causing a tingle sensation to run its way through my little body. There we were, back at the gates of my school once again, the precious freedom of the weekend having faded, like the sands of time slipping through our fingers. If I could only freeze this moment, stay with my other half forever, never leave his side again, then I would do so without a second thought. But, sadly, that was not how life worked, and so, it was with the heaviest of hearts that I bid my darling farewell, watching as he straightened up, gave me one final embrace, then proceeded to walk off in the opposite direction, leaving me until the afternoon.
I will keep you in my heart these long hours, my soulmate, I thought, as I made my way through the school gates. Until the time comes that we are once more reunited. May these tedious hours pass as quickly as possible.
As I walked across the empty playground, feeling the straps of my backpack digging into my shoulders, it hit me that this would be the first time I'd be seeing Adia since her betrayal this past weekend. Laying eyes on the girl who had dared to lie to me, to blaspheme against the friendship that I had spent so long cultivating with her. I wondered how it would feel, to see her again. Oh sure, the hours my brother and I had spent tormenting Ahmad had provided me with a fervent joy the likes of which I could not possibly explain, but that even that did little to offset the overwhelming rage that boiled inside me whenever I thought about the shame and humiliation that Adia had imparted on me.
How was I going to face seeing her again, I wondered. I kicked up some loose gravel, part of me wanting to stay out here for the whole day, alone in this peaceful solitude, with nothing to worry about. No traitors to contend with. Just me, myself, and my... thoughts. Left alone with my rage, left alone with the loneliness that had filled me up from the inside out.
Hmm. Perhaps it was better that I did go inside. Through the school doors I walked, every step feeling like I was trudging through quicksand, just waiting for the moment that I would be dragged beneath its murky depths. I made my way to Mermon Yashfa's classroom, seeing that my fellow classmates were already lined up outside, waiting for her to let us in. And there, standing alone, arms wrapped across her middle, leaning against the wall, her eyes downcast... was Adia.
The thought crossed my mind, right then, of going to stand with her. It was how things had always been, right? Adia and I, like peas in a pod, two lonely little girls who had found friendship and comfort in one another. I pictured myself at her side once more, letting the troubles of before fade away, getting back into our easy, simple chats. Listening as she chatted about inane things like dollhouses and fairytale puzzles, did whatever I needed to keep the dear little innocent waif happy.
Maybe.
Or maybe we would stand in uncomfortable, awkward silence, not knowing what to say or how to react to one another. Thus, I moved past Adia, keeping my head held high as I glided by, not wanting her to think for a second that her betrayal had gotten to me. Now was not the time for that. What good would it serve us to get in an argument right outside the classroom door, to risk Mermon Yashfa seeing and laying into us, or, heaven forbid, contacting home? Adia Kalahari would not be the reason for me getting a whipping, not if I could help so. And so, I just stood there, hands dangling by my sides, at the back of the line, waiting until Mermon Yashfa arrived and permitted us girls leave to file into her classroom one by one, for what could only promise to be another tedious few hours of lessons.
I sat where I always did, taking out my books and notepads, placing them neatly on the table, pencils lined up straight, schoolbook open to the last place we'd left off. No need to give Mermon Yashfa any reason to scold me, now was there? Glancing in Adia's direction, I noticed her fumbling to open her own book, flicking through the pages, muttering something under her breath. As I looked at her, I couldn't stop that little bit of me that hoped, that prayed, that she would glance in my direction. That she might spare me but a second of her time.
What am I doing? I thought bitterly, closing my hand tightly into a fist under the table as it rested on my upper thigh. Letting Adia get to me like this! It is she who should be begging the honour of looking upon me, not the other way around! After all, she's the one in the wrong here! She hurt me, and still I crave her attention like a lost sheepdog? Goddamn it, Saria, get some fucking self-esteem! No, I'm not going to give her the opportunity! Not going to give her the satisfaction!
Turning my back on the traitor, I made the choice to simply focus on lessons today. To let my worries flow away as I listened to Mermon Yashfa's lectures, zoning out every other worry that tried to get into my head. Eventually, I must have zoned out completely, for one second Mermon Yashfa was droning on and on about arithmetic, then, the lunch bell was ringing, causing me to jolt upright in my chair.
"Fuck, that thing is damn loud," I muttered under my breath in German, snapping my book closed and bending to retrieve my lunch from out of my bag. Mermon Yashfa gave her usual speech, telling us to walk in an orderly fashion to the playground (like that was going to happen - I could just tell that these girls were itching to get out of here as soon as possible, and who could blame them?) and to behave ourselves out there. Not that we had much choice in the matter - Mermon Yashfa would be stalking the playground, ready to swoop in and extend her wrath to anyone who dared to step out of line.
She'd become rather prolific in that regard, ever since the Adia versus Ahtrai fight. Probably didn't want there to be a repeat of that incident, and in all honesty, who could blame her? I imagine that would have been quite the blight on her record as a teacher, two girls kicking the living daylights out of one another and then the daughter of one of the wealthiest, most well-known families in Kabul getting knocked to the ground when she tried to intervene. No wonder she was so irate, so keen to dish out punishments.
But Adia's tenure in detention was over now, her sentence served. She would get to enjoy her lunchtime again, and I would be there, too, by her side - making sure that she kept out of trouble. And here was my chance, my opportunity to confront her over what she did to me. To give the girl a stern talking to and make sure that she never, ever, behaved this way again. All I had to do was sweet-talk her into sitting with me during lunch and-
She was gone. I stood frozen, watching in dismay as Adia's back retreated out the door, her ponytail whipping behind her as she hurried into the corridor. Judging by how fast she'd gone from being right next to me to practically being in the playground, she must have run with her damn tail between her legs in order to get away from this classroom. Away from the judging, beady eyes of Ahtrai and her Posse of Dipshits. Away from the stuffiness and cramped feeling one got from being sat at these desks all morning. Away-
No, I realised, with a sinking feeling deep within the pit of my gut. It wasn't any of those things that Adia was trying to get away from. It was me. How could I believe any different, when she had shrank away from me all morning, twisting her body right to the edge of her seat so that I couldn't get near her, giving me these nervous little side-glances whenever Mermon Yashfa's attention was directed elsewhere, as if afraid that I might lunge for her, like I was some wild animal with no control over my baser impulses.
My blood boiled, and I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palms. How dare she, I thought. How dare she walk away from me? How dare she leave me standing here like a damn fool! This was not how things were supposed to go. We walked side by side, as equals, or she walked a few paces behind me, following in my shadow. It was never meant to be the other way around. Never!
Having snatched up my lunch, I made my way out into the playground and stood by the doors, scanning the area for any sign of my wayward little friend. With all the other girls out there, running about, congregating in stupid little groups, hopscotching up and down, sitting cramped together at the benches, shoulders touching so that nobody could get a look into their pathetic cliques, it was difficult to see at all where Adia might be.
For fuck sake, I thought bitterly, making my way across the playground. What a fool I look like, wandering aimlessly, nobody to talk to, nobody to sit with. I'm lucky that Ahtrai is too busy with her stupid friends to pay any attention - if she were to look over and see me right now, she would have a goddamn field day. She'd have ammunition with which to mock me until the school year ended, and even beyond!
Eventually, my eyes fell upon the girl that I had been seeking. Yes, there she was! The traitor herself, sitting alone at one the farthest tables from the school doors. She was sitting at a bench on her own, one leg tucked under herself, the other dangling under the table. Staring at the ground, her lunchbox was open beside her, though, as I neared her, I saw that she hadn't opened it yet. For what reason, I couldn't tell, though I didn't push think too much on the subject. There were far more important things for me to be worried about. And with this task in hand, there was not a moment to lose!
"Adia jan!" I exclaimed, in that same saccharine tone that people often used when speaking to me. "There you are! I've been looking all over for you! What'd you run off for, silly?" Though my tone remained light, jesting, there was still a coldness in my words, and judging by the way Adia shrank back at the sight of me, I could tell that she understood that. Good. I wanted... well... I shan't say that I wanted her to be afraid of me, per se, but a healthy dose of respect wouldn't go amiss either. Let her see that Saria Ahmed does not tolerate liars, will not suffer traitors.
Before she could say a word, before she could even move, I made my way around to her side, squeezing myself onto the bench beside her. Adia turned to look at me, a nervous glint in her eye. "Uh... uhm..." She blinked at me, mouth agape, as if trying to figure out how to form coherent words. "Uhm... hi... Saria."
God, that was like pulling fucking teeth! I thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. And 'hi, Saria'? Was that all I was going to get? How hard was it for her to just say a few simple words, to ask how I was? Maybe apologise for running off on me like that? I'd have thought my little quip earlier would have triggered at least some shame in her, but apparently not. Still, I wasn't going to let it bother me. Nope. Slow and steady would win this race, and I had to bide my time to make Adia talk to me.
I flipped open the lid on my lunchbox, began tucking into the sandwich that Tanya - oh, sorry - Hamilra - had prepared. Tanya herself, of course, had been too busy at some little business soiree of Mahmood's to bother preparing lunch for her daughter. Not that it made any difference to me, of course, if the food was edible, who really gave a fuck who made it?
As we sat there, with this uncomfortable silence hanging over us, I noticed that Adia wasn't eating her lunch. Instead, she simply picked absently at the food in her lunchbox, her fingers tearing Z little pieces off of her sandwhich and dropping them back into the box again. She had this odd look on her face, this forlorn, faraway glance - as if she had too much on her mind to be concerned with eating.
"Don't like what your mother packed for you today?" I asked sympathetically.
Adia shrugged. I pursed my lips, turned from her, and tore my own sandwhich in half. Holding it out to Adia, I offered her a sweet, cordial smile. Now, you may be wondering, what was I doing? Offering to share food with this girl who had treated me so callously? Who had treated me with such disrespect? I almost wanted to shake myself with the idea of showing this act of kindness. By all rights, I should have been yelling at her, should have been scolding her for the way she behaved. But- what good would it serve me to behave in this manner? What good would it do, for me to chastise her? For me to start an argument? Perhaps it would be better for me to treat her with kindness.
So that, I decided, was what I would do. I would treat her with kindness, would show her that being my friend came with perks. Perhaps, and I know this may seem manipulative of me to think so, but perhaps if she saw that I was willing to share my lunch with her, to act with grace and dignity, the shame might compound her. Guilt was not an emotion I felt all that much, personally, but I understod it enough to know that when you did something gracious for someone that had hurt you, it made that person feel even worse for what they'd done.
But Adia just smiled, this tiny little smile, that didn't quite reach her eyes. She shook her head, turning back to her own sandwhich. "No," she said, too blunt for my liking. I waited for her to thank me, to show a modicum of gratitude for the kindness that I was showing to her, but she never did. She closed her eyes, and a low sigh escaped her mouth. She picked at the edges of her sandwich, tearing it apart, before dropping the pieces back into her lunchbox and closing the lid, shoving it away from her.
In the awkwardness, I tried to make some small talk. "How... how was your weekend?" I asked.
There it was. There was... not the question that I'd wanted to ask, but the one that would get me the answers regardless. The true question hung between us - 'why did you lie to me?'. But I could not ask it. I could bring myself to be so blunt. So I would try to catch her in a lie, and in doing so, hopefully force the truth from her. She was a creature of conscience, little Adia. She cared about what people thought of her. A strange way by which to live your life, in my opinion, but maybe Adia's conscience would help me here. Maybe I could manipuate her back into being a good, obedient little girl, just like I'd always wanted her to be.
"It was fine." She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, while I cringed at the disgusting sight.
I arched a brow. "Fine?" I tried to keep my voice light and airy. "Just fine?" I tried to playfully jab her in the side, but she moved away from me before I was able to do so. The idea of her recoiling from me was painful, but I brushed it off. "What did you do?"
She shrugged. "Family thing."
God, this was really like pulling fucking teeth, wasn't it? How was I meant to keep this conversation going if I was the only one making any goddamn effort? Not for the first time, I wanted to reach out and slap the little brat, to give her a lesson in manners. But I reminded myself that this was not the way to go. This was not the way to get her to talk to me. As the old saying goes, slow and steady wins the race. I had to be patient. Oh, but it was difficult. It was so, so difficult.
Another fake smile plastered on my face. I touched her shoulder. Didn't let her move away from me this time. "Well, I know what those are like." My lips twitched. I thought about wrapping my arm around her, but decided against it. Desperate. That was too desperate. A pang raced through me. She didn't know what it was like - even if her 'family thing' hadn't been a lie, I knew for a fact that any event she went through was nothing compared to the tension that cut the chord of the Ahmed household. "Well... I hope it wasn't too bad. That you managed to have... some fun."
"Uh-huh." Adia reached for her lunchbox. She pulled out her sandwich, the one that she'd said earlier that she didn't want to eat, and began shoving it into her mouth in a way that made the part of me that had inherited Tanya's hatred of poor table manners want to stand up in front of the whole class and shame Adia with a twenty minute lecture about how it was wrong to eat like a fucking pig.
It was, of course, plainly obvious to any moron with two brain cells to rub together why Adia was doing this. She didn't want to talk to me. Didn't want to have to confront the reality of her lies. And by stuffing herself with her lunch, she had the chance to do that. To escape. She knew I wasn't about to do anything that would encourage her to talk with her mouth full.
Seconds later, Adia got up from the table, shoving crusts into her lunchbox. She slammed the lid closed, grabbed it by the handle, and swung herself over the bench and hurried off. Not a word spoken. Not an explanation for why she was abandoning me like this.
"Wait!" I cried out, hating myself for how weak I sounded in that moment. Saria Adelah Ahmed did not, does not, will not, beg for the love of an ungrateful little brat. I watched as Adia scurried across the playground like a frightened little mouse, tail tucked between her legs. It took everything inside me not to chase after her, to wrap my hands around her neck and snap it - not least because that would have been a far too merciful death for her. I clenched my fists, slamming them against the table, gritting my teeth agaisnt the feral urge to scream like a wild animal, to let loose and kick and scream and burn this fucking school to the ground with all these stupid girls and teachers in it.
That bitch! I thought. Who the fuck does she think she is? After all she's done, the myriad of ways in which she's betrayed me, she should be crawling across broken glass and hot coals to regain my favour. She should have been doing anything within her power to be my friend again. And yet... here she is, running from me. Giving me, me of all people, the cold shoulder? Treating me like I was the one who had done something wrong.
I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. To rip her fucking spinal chord out via her mouth and whip the disobedience out of her with it. The memory of how I'd reacted when she'd mistreated me on my birthday flooded through me - the raw power I'd felt as I watched her squirm beneath the flickering flames. I wanted to make her feel that same pain right now. Would that I had that lighter with me right now... I'd have given her new scars to match the birthday ones.
But of course... I couldn't do that. I'd be the one in trouble, I'd be the one hauled in front of the principal's office to recieve a lashing - of both the tongue and physical variety. And Mahmood and Tanya would... they would... I couldn't even bring myself to think of the consequences that would befall me there. And so I just sat there, staring at the place where Adia had once been, where she'd disappeared into the crowd.
What was I to do now? How was I meant to get her to talk to me? Violence was out of the question, so how did I go about gaining the apology, the answers, that I so desperately sought? How was I meant to gain control over her, like I used to before? How did I get back my control over her?
And then it came to me. The memory of the pain that I'd inflicted upon Ahmad. The lesson my most darling Assef had imparted upon me. It didn't take an act of physical violence to sway a person to do what I wanted. Now, of course, I had no intention of humiliating Adia the way I'd done Ahmad - even if she did deserve it. No, instead, as I scanned the playground, my eyes focusing on Mermon Yashfa as she walked back and forth throughout the playground, surveying her domain, I figured that there might be another way to get Adia to talk to me.
I snapped my lunchbox shut, grabbing the handle and swinging myself back out from the table. Steeling myself, I began to walk across the playground - not directly towards Mermon Yashfa, but keeping her in my line of sight all the same. Yes, she would be the perfect pawn in this little chess match I was playing against dear, sweet Adia.
Up and down I walked, kicking pieces of loose gravel with my mary-janes, my gaze downcast. A pitiful expression formed on my face - I must have looked like the most pathetic child in all the world at that very moment. So lost and forlorn, as though all the troubles of the world had been placed upon my tiny shoulders. My lunchbox swung absently by my side. Every so often, I would allow myself to drift ever closer into Mermon Yashfa's line of vision. The closer I got to her, the more of tragic waif I allowed myself to seem like.
For this was all part of the plan, this was all a cunning ploy to get Adia to talk to me. I couldn't do it myself, I'd come to that realisation now. Not here. Not in this place. So I would have to bring in some outside help. I'd have to manipulate the imam into helping me. Have to play up the sweet, innocent, pure-hearted little girl act. Perhaps if I couldn't use violence or threats to sway Adia into talking to me, then I would have to play a more... manipulative game.
Moving towards the school wall, I slumped against it, keeping my eyes fixed on a point on the ground. Like the most talented of stage performers, I allowed the crocodile tears to well up in my eyes. Crying on cue. I'd not often had to do this, but now was a time where it was absolutely necessary.
As I noticed that Mermon Yashfa was drawing closer to me, I turned my face to the wall. A mischievious smile formed on my lips, at the idea of tugging on her heartstrings like this. Only for a moment, though, before it was gone again and I let out a pitiful, desperate whine. Several heads turned in my direction, and maybe this would have bothered me in other circumstances, but right now, I could care less.
Needs must, I thought, continuing to whimper and sniffle like a poor, despairing innocent. Bringing tiny fists up to rub at my eyes, I made sure to always, always keep my singular focus centered on Mermon Yashfa. There was no point in this little performance if my co-star was not here to play her role, now was there? I kept on whimpering, staring directly at her. Making myself seem so utterly, totally, pitiful.
The imam's eyes widened as she took sight of me. A concerned look formed between her creased brows. Yes, I thought, yes, you gullible fool, get over here. Come over here and show me your sympathy.
"Saria?"
She was right in front of me now, placing a hand on my shoulder. I buried my face in my hands, whimpering pitifully. There were two reasons for this. One - I wanted to give off the impression that I was shy, some poor, desperate little thing, the picture of innocence. It was good, I thought, that I was wearing pigtails and ribbons in my blonde hair tonight. That, along with my short stature and tiny hands covering my face, would melt even the hardest of hearts. My manipulation was, in this moment, utter perfection.
And the second reason for why I covered my face? Well, of course, I wanted to give myself time to allow those dismal, broken tears to pool down my cheeks. And oh, how Mermon Yashfa believed it all, like the fool that she was. "Saria, what is it? What's wrong?" Her voice was frantic. She began to look me up and down. "Have you been hurt? Do you feel unwell? What is wrong?"
I moved my fingers apart a little bit so that I could look at her with the most pitiful, expression. A soft whimper came from my lips and I shook my head, wanting to milk this moment for all that it was worth. Now was not the right moment to tell her what was bothering me. That would come soon, I knew, but first I needed to be patient. In the meantime, however, I began to work myself into even more of a frenzy, taking in great gasps of air as I forced myself to sob. Calling in all my brilliant manipulation skills as I did so.
"Saria, sweetie, it's alright... it's..." Mermon Yashfa looked at me. She turned to look at the rest of the girls. A few of them were staring in our direction. Some of Ahtrai's Posse of Dipshits were amongst them, but in that moment, this didn't matter to me. I would deal with any fallout from that when it came. Any teasing I faced would be worth it to get to the bottom of Adia's betrayal. And maybe it was for the best that I was attracting a bit of attention. All the better so that Mermon Yashfa would want to get me out of there, to bring me somewhere away from prying eyes.
She took me under the arm, perhaps fearing that I would not be able to follow along on my own power. "Let's go inside," she told me, speaking gently, as though I were nothing more than a toddler. I just nodded, still not ready to give her the explanation as to why I was acting this way. Into the school we walked, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of irritation that I'd been forced to cut my lunch break short. Needs must, I know, but if I had a choice, I wouldn't have wanted to waste my time crying in a fucking classroom and faking a mental breakdown in order to get my only school friend to talk to me.
Mermon Yashfa said nothing as she led me through the corridor and back to the classroom. But there was a nervous glint in her eye. Was she worried that something might be wrong with me? That I might have taken ill, or might be about to convey some harrowing news that might get her or the school in trouble? Was she thinking that this was the second time something bad had happened to the daughter of Wazir-Akbhar-Khan's most affluent and influential family in her schoolyard? Was she anticipating a phone-call with my parents, to explain another situation to them?
I wondered how I'd react were I in her shoes. Lucky that I would never have to be then, wasn't it? With those tears still pooling down my cheeks and splashing onto the front of my dress, I whimpered and whined my way along the corridor, following in Mermon Yashfa's wake. She kept looking back at me, her lips pursed, a crease in her brow. I could tell that she wanted nothing more than to reach out to me, to accost me for answers on what was wrong. Not unlike what I wanted from Adia.
We made our way into the classroom, which looked so different in the absence of the other girls. I glanced at the empty desks, being ever numb as I trudged my way to my own and sat down. Just for good measure, I laid my head on the desk, buried my face in my arms and sobbed like a pitiful, pathetic wretch. Beside me, I could hear Mermon Yashfa take in a sharp breath, as she knelt down so that we were on level.
"Saria," the imam spoke, her tone a bit more stern than before. "Saria, I understand that you're upset but I really do need you to tell me what the matter is. I'm not a mind-reader..." And thank fuck for that, I thought, "and so you need to talk to me. Are you feeling under the weather? Do you need to go home? Does contact need to be made with your parents for one of them to come and get you?"
The very idea of Mahmood or Tanya being involved with this at all was utterly nauseating to me. I looked at her, hoping that she wouldn't see the absolute terror I felt at such a suggestion. "No, ma'am," I said, in the most polite and subservient tone that I could muster. "There's no need to call my parents. I'm not feeling unwell. Not physically. It's... It's just that..."
I trailed off. wanting to give ample time to ensuring that I paced my words carefully, said just the right thing. Mermon Yashfa was looking at me wtih that sympathetic-yet-stern glean in her eye and I knew that in no uncertain terms did she want me to give her an answer on just what the matter was. "I, uhm.. I don't want to get anyone in trouble..."
"In trouble?" Mermon Yashfa asked. "So... someone is bothering you? Is that what you're saying? You're being bullied?"
Well, yes, I thought, but you're not going to know about that, will you? Oh no, I shall have my retribution for all of that without your help.
Looking down at my hands, which I'd intertwined together as though I was in prayer, I took a deep breath. Now or never. It was time to finally say these words. "No, it's not... it's not that. I'm not being bullied. It's just... uhm... this... this is sort of embarrassment to say but... I..." I gulped. "It's Adia. She's.. she's not talking to me. I tried to go and play with her at lunchtime today and... and she just... she just... she just walked away." Another sob as I let the tears free-flow down my face. "I dunno what I did wrong, but she's not wanting to talk to or play with me anymore and it makes me feel really sad inside."
I kept my tone subservient, kept my words basic, the way that an innocent, precocious little girl out to speak. "She's my best friend and I... I... I... I just couldn't bear it at all if she was mad at me. And I don't know what I did wrong! I don't know!"
My sobs became so loud now that I was certain the entire school could hear me. Mermon Yashfa looked at me for the longest moment, and I wondered what she was thinking. Was she going to scold me? To tell me that I was being childish, that I should not be wasting her time with such trivial matters? I know I for sure would done so had some whimpering child come crying to me about how their best friend wasn't talking to them.
Mermon Yashfa placed a hand on my shoulder, letting it linger there for a moment before pulling away. "It's going to be alright, Saria," she said. She inhaled sharply, then, before I could say another word. Before I could say anything else, before I could make another pitiful sound to get her sympathy, she had turned on her heel and left the room, leaving the door swinging back and forth in her wake.
As I sat there, alone once more, I wondered where Mermon Yashfa had gone. The idea that she was planning to contact Mahmood and Tanya, that one or both of my parents could be brought in here, that they could be made to get involved in this argument between myself and Adia. Oh, please, I thought, feeling a panic rise in my throat, please don't let my parents get involved in this. They don't need to. This is between me and Adia, neither of them have fuck all to do with it.
And then... after a minute or two that felt like an eternity, Mermon Yashfa appeared in the doorway again. But it was not her upon whom my eyes were focused... oh no. Why would I have cared one jot about that naive imam who I'd been manipulating, when the need for said maniplation was now hovering in the doorway, her head bowed, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other, looking everywhere but at me.
Adia.
Yes!
I had to fight the urge to punch the air in triumph. Rather than phone Mahmood and Tanya as I'd been fearing, Mermon Yashfa had done her duty to me, and gone to fetch the unruly brat. Our eyes locked as the teacher wasn't looking, and I couldn't help but give her a coy smile, my lips spread, showing my teeth like a rabid dog about to lunge at its quivering prey. She gulped, a flicker of fear glistening in her eyes. She knew, I thought, she knew the game I was playing with her.
Still, I allowed my eyes to water again, to return Adia's frightened gaze with one of my own, wanting her to seem like the bad guy in this situation which, of course, she absolutely was. Mermon Yashfa lead Adia over to the desk next to mine, and indicated that Adia should sit down, which the girl did without question, sliding into the chair like a timid gazelle on shaking, wobbly legs. She kept glancing back and forth between Mermon Yashfa and I, as if afraid that either one of us were going to lash out at her. I hoped, in that moment, that out of the two people in the room with her, it was I who held all of her fear.
"I honestly don't know what to say right now," Mermon Yashfa said, in a tone which indicated she was getting ready for a stern lecture. "This arguing, this... animosity, between the two of you, it is frankly unbecoming."
At this, I had the grace to feign shame - not that it mattered when the imam's full displeasure was aimed solely at my wayward friend. "Adia, Saria here is very upset with the way that you've been behaving towards her lately," she scolded, and Adia's eyes grew wide. She opened her mouth to protest, but Mermon Yashfa immediately cut her off. "She's clearly feeling very hurt by your actions, and quite frankly, young lady, that is not the way I expect my students to treat one another. Especially those who are supposed to be such good friends as the two of you."
It was clear, in that moment, that Mermon Yashfa placed the blame solely on Adia for what had transpired between us. And who could blame her? After all, I'm sure that, as it did with me, the memory of Adia shoving me so harshly to ground during her fight with Ahtrai still played on a loop in her mind. In her eyes, sweet, charming, tiny little Saria with her tear patterned cheeks and her innocent mannerisms... why... what else could she possibly be but the victim in this scenario? And if I was the victim, then who other than Adia could be the villain? In Mermon Yashfa's eyes, it was obvious that Adia was the one causing all this drama and upset, and who was I to argue with this belief, especially when said belief worked in my favor?
"I will not have this animosity and arguing going on," Mermon Yashfa lectured Adia again, making the girl hang her head in shame, and a little bit of fear, too. Perhaps she thought that she might be struck, might receive some form of corporal punishment for upsetting me. Well, I certainly wasn't about to step in to defend her should that happen. Maybe a few whacks of the paddle or the cane would sort her out, and if I couldn't dole the pain out myself, then I could at least watch and take pleasure in the suffering that she would extol for me.
Mermon Yashfa pointed a stern finger at both Adia and me. "Now, I am going to go back out to the playground to continue to watch the other girls until lunch time is over. I want you two to stay here and talk this problem out, like the mature young ladies I know you both to be. If I have to come back in here before my tenor in the playground should be over, then the both of you will be in serious, serious trouble. Is that understood?"
We both nodded, as if our heads were on springs. Satisfied with this, Mermon Yashfa turned on her heel and walked out of the classroom, the door clicking shut behind her. The moment her footsteps were far away enough down the corridor, I turned to Adia, and just like that, as if by magic, the tears that had been pooling in my eyes and staining my cheeks, they vanished in an instant. I turned, shifting in my seat to face her, and narrowing my eyes, letting the mask drop. Letting her know that the game was over, the jig was up.
"We need to talk, Adia," I told her, in a voice that brokered no room for argument. I pointed sternly at her. "You have been ignoring me. Don't try to deny it, I'm not stupid. Not wanting to talk to me, running away across the goddamn playground." And then... here it came. Here was the moment where I pulled the fucking rug out from under her. "And it's not just today, Adia, it's been before that, too. Cause I know for a goddamn fact that you lied to me about not being able to spend time with me last weekend."
Adia's eyes widened. Caught in the act! She shook her head. "N-No, Saria, no that's not... that's not..." She babbled, repeating those pathetic excuses over and over again. "It's not like that, no I mean, I mean I did want, I mean... I.. there was... I had to..."
But I wasn't going to let her speak another word of those lies. "Oh, don't give me that bullshit, Adia," I cut across her, ignoring her self-righteous gasp at my swearing. "I know for a goddamn fact that you had no 'family event' to attend." Her eyes widened to the size of saucers. Her lie was being exposed, and there was nowhere that she could go to hide from the gruesome truth. "I heard you, you know. I was still on the fucking phone when you told your mom that you didn't want to come round to play with me. When the two of you made up that stupid lie to cover your tracks!"
A more compassionate person might have been swayed by the look of abject shame that Adia was given me, but I, unfortunately for her, was not such a person. I could not be moved by her pitiful gaze - she had betrayed me and I was going to get to the bottom of why. No matter what, no matter how long it took.
I leapt from my seat, reaching over to grab the sides of her chair, pinning her in place as I jabbed my finger right in her face. She tried to turn away, but I caught her under the chin and forced her head back so that she was looking me right in the eye. She whimpered, and my grip slackened a little - not out of any worry that I might have been causing her pain, but more to the fact that I didn't want to leave her with bruising which would lead to further questions later.
"Have you nothing to say?" I jabbed her in the chest, making her whimper. Good. Let the little bitch be scared. She knew what I was capable of when I wasn't respected, when my friendship went ignored. "Have you no words in your defence, Adia? Or is it that you can't think up a good excuse without your mommy there to hold your hand?"
Adia shook her head, her words frantic as she stumbled and tripped over them. "No, no, that's not, that's not what... I mean... I'm not... no... Saria, you don't..."
I jabbed at her again, prodding my nail into her shoulder. "All I wanted was to spend time with you, Adia! That's all! I was planning to have my brother take us to the park and spend the day together!" I poked her hard, again and again. "We're supposed to be best friends, or at least... I thought that's what we were... but you can't even spare me a fucking afternoon? You had to lie to me, had to make up some goddamn stupid excuse, to lie to me about this 'family event' that wasn't even fucking happening!"
My rage was starting to build. I wanted nothing more than to grab her by the hair and slam her head against the desk over and over, until blood oozed from her mouth and nose and I'd managed to jostle some fucking sense and respect into that tiny little brain of hers. I wanted to unleash my inner demons unto her, to make the burning I'd given her on my birthday feel like a gentle and playful tickling. Oh, how lucky she was that we were in school, how lucky that I was not able to make reality all the horrible fantasties I was having about her in this moment.
"You know," I said, my tone bitter, "I'd have thought you'd have wanted to do whatever it took to stay in my good graces. Don't think for a second that I've forgotten you pushing me down!" My voice was rising, high and thin and ominous, almost becoming a shriek in my boiling rage. A simmering pot of fury that was close to bubbling over. "Don't you think for one goddamn minute that I've let that shit go, Adia, because I haven't! You owe me big time for what you did, and honestly, if I were you, I'd be trying extra hard to make it up to me, not running and hiding like a pathetic coward with your tail tucked between your legs!"
I continued to poke at her, jabbing her in the arms and shoulders with my fingers, sticking my pointer finger right in her chest, thrilling in the power I felt over her as I did so, knowing that she had no control over this, that she was completely helpless, a cornered rabbit in the jaws of a fox. She turned her head away from me, squeezing her eyes shut as she attempted to ignore me. Ha! Fat chance of that happening!
There's no turning from this, I thought, leaning right in so that I was now practically hissing my words into Adia's ear. "I'm sick of not being respected, Adia. I'm sick of it, do you hear me? If you want to be my friend, then you had best start treating me with a lot more respect, is that clear?"
No answer. I raised my hand, whether to poke her again or because my rage had built to such a point that I was now going to slap her, I didn't know, but before either of those things could happen, Adia raised her head to look at me, and the look in her eyes made me freeze on the spot. There was so much... anger... so much pain. Gone was the docile and timid young girl that I had sunk my claws into, and in her place was the same beast that had knocked me down and laid into Ahtrai with such violent vitriol.
"Just leave me alone, Saria!" she growled, and I took a step back, not wanting to get shoved again. "Just leave me alone! You're so selfish, you only think about yourself, you wouldn't understand a thing about what I'm going through!"
"Then help me understand!" I snapped back, slamming my hands down on the desk with such force that the sound echoed throughout the room. "Damn it, Adia, I'm not a fucking mind-reader! But I'm trying, I'm really fucking trying which is a lot more than I can say for you!"
And I waited for a response. For her to snap at me again, for her to lose her temper. I was prepared for that. Prepared for whatever fake insults she was going to throw my way. Prepared for her to call me selfish again, as if I wasn't the one going above and beyond to help her and get this friendship back on track.
What I wasn't prepared for, however, was-
For Adia to burst into tears.
It wasn't just a few simple sniffles, either. Oh, no. It was loud, open sobbing that echoed through the room, her entire tiny body trembling as she buried her face in her arms, resting her head on her desk. Oh no! I thought, feeling a fervent panic in the depths of my very bones. Oh, no, oh shit! Oh fuck, what if Mermon Yashfa hears this? Or one of the other teachers? What if someone comes in here and thinks that I've done something to hurt her?!
The very idea that I might get into trouble, of what this might then escalate to - and what could happen to me afterwards, coursed through my body as I hurried to Adia's side. "Adia," I cooed, all thoughts of vengeance and retribution pushed to the back of my mind, focusing only now on helping her to quieten and calm down. Wrapping my arms around her trembling frame, I pulled her to me, cradling her head against my chest as I held her close, running my fingers gently through her hair as she continued to sob and whine, struggling, trying to push herself out of my embrace.
"It's alright, Adia," I cooed softly into her ear, rubbing soft circles into her back. "It's okay, it's okay, sweetheart, I've got you. I'm here. You're safe." I kissed the side of her head, wiped tears from her cheeks, even as they continued to fall repeatedly. She felt so fragile and helpless in my arms. "Please don't cry, sweetie, please. It's okay. It's okay."
Please don't let anyone hear this, I sent up a prayer to the heavens, as Adia continued to sob uncontrollably. Whatever was going on here, it was far more serious than I'd have first believed. Adia was clearly in a lot of pain, suffering greatly for some such reason or another. The rage and hatred that I felt towards her was slowly beginning to dissipate, and I was able to think with a clearer head.
After some doing, I managed to calm Adia down. I pulled away from her, using my thumbs to wipe away the last few tears on her cheeks. "I really do want to help you," I told her softly. It would only serve us both the better if I knew and understood what had caused her to perform this act of betrayal. Perhaps, then I might know how to prevent such acts in the future. I might be able to guide her, to train her better in the ways of obedience if I knew the things that caused her to turn on her superiors.
I took her hands in mine, gentle, yet firm enough that she could not pull away. "I want to be there for you." My words were laced with honeyed sweetness, whether real or fake I knew not, nor did I care to think much on it. "Whatever it is that's going, you can tell me. I don't want there to be any secrets between us." Even as I said this, I thought of all that I was hiding from her. Zainab's murder. My part in Mojdeh's beating and subsequent hospitalisation. The secret I was holding... holding regarding... what my darling brother had done in that alleywiay.
What life at home was really like for me. The dark thoughts that circled in my mind, the beast that could be borne of my rage. All of these things I hid from her. Should I dare, then, to demand that she lay bare her own troubles? Was it fair of me to expect full honesty but not to give it? Oh, but I was doing it only for her own benefit. I was the hero in this scenario, the compassionate one in this friendship. All that I did now, I did for her own good.
Adia shifted nervously in her seat. She's thinking about it, I noted, thinking about unburdening her soul to me. All I have to do now is to push just a little bit further, and I will have what I seek. I will have the explanation that I deserve. The reasoning as to why she had dared to lie to me. It would not excuse it, of course, but at least I would no longer be lost in the vast ocean of speculation.
"Would that I were a mind-reader, Adia," I said, in an attempt to break the tension and make her smile. Her lips did not so much as even twitch. "Then I'd be able to tell right away what was bothering you. But sadly, such gifts do not exist in this world, and sure as it be, I am not gifted to hold them." I squeezed her hands, rubbing my thumbs across the backs of them. "So if something's the matter, if something has happened, then I need you to tell me. I really, really wish for you to tell me, Adia, because I'm your friend, your best friend-" Your only friend, if I have anything to say about it... "and I wish to be there for you and-"
"It's Masood."
She said the words so quietly that it was almost like she hadn't spoken at all. I almost requested that she repeat herself, but before I could get to that, she was speaking again, her words frantic, and terrified, as if saying them made this all real, but also as though she couldn't stop herself from speaking them. "Masood," she repeated, her brother's name slipping from her lips behind a choked sob. "He... His illness, it's getting worse..."
Maybe I should have expected that this would be the thing she'd say, that this would be the excuse she'd give for abandoning me, but it threw me for a loop all the same. I'd not given Masood much thought over the past few weeks, aside from a passing curiosity as to whether or not he'd kicked the bucket yet - though I'd figured not, as if he was dead, we'd have probably heard about it, and Tanya would be kicking up quite the weeping fuss in an attempt to make herself seem like the perfect, empathic neighbor. Still, to hear his name spoken with such panic in Adia's voice certainly did stir something in me, though whether that be curiousity or elsewise, I could not tell.
All the same, though, I did what common decency would dictate in that moment, reaching over to take her hand and looking at her with what I hoped would pass for a caring gaze as I listened to her prattle on and on.
"He's been getting worse," she repeated, and a deep terror flashed in her brown eyes, "I mean, he... I knew he was sick, but this..." A cold shudder ran through her spine, and she gulped back a cry. "He's been throwing up a lot, he can barely keep anything down now. Not even toast and tea."
The words were flowing, thick and fast through her lips as she gulped back tears.. "And... And..." She took a deep, shuddering breath.
"Before, he used to only go to hospital a few times, for his appointments, but now... now... it's like... it's like.." Now it's like he lives there. She did not say the words, and yet, they hung in the empty silence between us. Adia wiped her eyes with the hand I wasn't holding. "He's... I... I..."
Adia trailed off now, looking down at the ground. There was more to this tale, though, I could tell, and I was not about to let her stop now. Not when there was so many juicy details to be gleaned from this information. Softly, I rubbed her hand with my thumb, wondering if I ought to kiss it the way my darling brother did for me. Only for a passing moment, however, before I pushed the thought away. Whatever affection I had for Adia, it was in no way comparable to the love I had for my soulmate. I could not hope to compare the two.
"It's alright," I told her, "you can tell me. I'm here. I'm here for you. I promise." I was there for myself, far more than I was for Adia, but it would do me no good to tell her that, now would it? "Did something else happen, sweetling?" In the back of my mind, I filed her words away, all of them, in case I'd need to use them against her in future - and, of course, to share this news with Assef when I met him after school. I wondered what he'd make of this whole thing. How fortunate it was that I no longer needed to keep the secret of Masood's illness from him. Now we could speak of it openly, as a brother and sister might. Share a quip here and there, you know how it is.
Now was not the time for jokes, however. Could you imagine how Adia would react if I threw out some witty one-liner right now? No, it was now time for me to wear the mask of compassion, to don the guise of sympathy. I needed more answers, needed to hear this story in its entirety. How else was I to make this situation run in my favour? How else was I supposed to ensure that Adia never used her dying brother to lie to me again?
Adia sniffled, tears still flowing like waterfalls down her face. "It... It... I..." What was she about to say? What more could she have to tell me that was worse than I'd already heard? "Do you remember, uhm... Saria, do you remember what happened that time you slept over in my house?" she asked, her voice shaky and afraid, as if she worried that reminding me of this would send me flying into an uncontrolled rage.
"I remember."
How could I not? How could I forget the very first time that I'd slept over in my best friend's house, a time that was supposed to be fun and carefree, but was instead marred with all the events that took place? The thud of a body falling down the stairs, Faraya's screams, Javid's desperate hollering, the sight of Masood's body laying crumpled on the floor in a pool of his own vomit. Adia's screams of anguish, how I'd nearly done my back a fucking injury trying to haul her away from the grisly scene.
And the worst thing about that night, the fact that Javid and Faraya had the audacity to leave and forget about me, leaving me, a twelve-year-old child, to deal with their traumatised child who was in a right state over seeing her brother collapsed on the ground looking like he was about to fucking clock out. It was a night that I'd never forget, and I knew that my opinion on Faraya and Javid had been soured somewhat by their lack of consideration towards me.
But what did this have to do with right now?
"Masood..." Adia was shaking now, I could feel her hand trembling in mine. "He's been blacking out a lot more in the past few weeks. And he gets headaches, too, bad ones. Migraines, Daddy calls 'em, and- and whenever Masood gets one, his eyes go all funny and he can't see much of anything and he has to go into his room and close the curtains and stay there in the dark all day until they go away."
Adia rubbed her own temple, as if the discussion of her brother's migraines was causing one to form in her own head. I wondered what she was thinking, how she felt about sharing all of this with me. Did she feel as if she'd betrayed some of Masood's confidence by telling me so many gruesome details? Did she fear that she might get into trouble if her parents found out that she'd told me about this? Did talking about this make it... make it real?
She wiped her eyes again, though it was useless. The tears continued to flow down her cheeks, running down her face and splotching the front of her navy uniform. "Mommy and Daddy... they've moved Masood's room downstairs. He stays in our old guest room now. It used to be a spare storage room but they cleared it all out and moved his bedding down there and he stays there cause... I mean... it... because..."
Because they're scared that he might take a nosedive down the stairs again, I thought, and then something else occured to me. If he's so bloody sick that he's spending so much time in the hospital, then why not just move him in there? Why all this need to move him downstairs, it must have taken such a great effort to do that, and it was so uncessary, too. Just toss him into the hospital, let the doctors and nurses deal with him until he finally dies, considering it won't be long now.
"I hear them arguing sometimes," Adia murmured, so low that it was almost like she was speaking to herself and not to me. She pulled her hand away from me and wrapped her arms around her middle, sniffling. "Mommy and Daddy, I mean. I try not to listen, but their room is near to mine and I can't block it out."
And, of course, with her brother being a walking corpse downstairs, there was nobody she could go to for comfort. No-one whose bed she could climb into, nobody who would be there to cover her ears and soothe her when her parents yelled. "They try not to act sad when I'm around and I know they don't want me to feel bad but... but I can't help it, Saria, it hurts so bad inside..."
Just how fucking stupid did Faraya and Javid think their daughter was, I wondered. Did they honestly think that a few dolls and pretty princess colouring books would make her forget the fact that her own brother was dying? Did they think her so selfish that she would be swayed by such inane things? Or did they just not want to have that difficult conversation with her, so they tried to sweep it under the rug? I wouldn't put it past them, honestly.
I remembered the day I first learned that Masood was sick. The argument I'd overheard between Javid and Faraya, how upset it had made Adia. How I'd been the one to console her, how she'd wept in my arms, allowing her own pain at her brother's impending death to be seen and heard for the first time. Why did it always seem to fall on me to be the one to comfort this girl? And why, just why, was I repaid for my kindness with betrayal and lies?
Adia sobbed even harder, all of her pain and grief coming out in spades. "Last weekend, when you rang... I... I..." Ah, here it was! Finally after all of the preamble, I was getting to hear an explanation for why she'd lied to me. Maybe I'd even get an apology - I deserved that at the very least. I listened intently, waiting to see what she would have to say. "Masood... he'd had a real bad morning, throwin' up and all, one of his migraines again and he just looked so... so... and I..."
Oh for crying out fucking loud, out with it! I wanted to scream. Grief does not stop you from being able to form a coherent sentence!
"I just... I was so scared that Masood... that he wouldn't b-be-" She trailed off, but honestly, she didn't need to finish her train of thought for me to know what she'd meant to say. "And when you phoned, I just... I didn't want to be away from home and I didn't know how to tell you so I just... I just..."
I understood. In Adia's mind, she'd had to weigh the consequences of spending the day with me or being with her dying brother. Given how sick Masood was, it made sense that she'd be afraid to leave the house on one of his particularly bad days. After all, what if she'd come back from a fun day out with her best friend, only to be told that Masood had snuffed it? The guilt and shame she would have felt would be something that she would carry with her for the rest of her life.
After all, if the situations was reversed... if my other half was dying, I wouldn't want to be anywhere in the world but at his side for every last hour of his life. And if in some moment of utter madness, I did happen to go off elsewhere and he died while he was away, I would never, ever forgive myself for as long as I lived. Not that I would be living much longer after Assef died anyway, but the few days it would take for me to prepare my own demise would be spent in crippling, gut-wrenching guilt and shame over not being there in my soulmate's last seconds on this Earth.
But... that was Assef and I. We had a love that transcended all others, a connection beyond the moon and stars. I knew that Assef would feel the exact same about me if I was dying, and that he, too, would leave this world alongside me. What we had was true love, a love spoken of by the poets, a love written about in songs and fairytales. Sure, Masood and Adia were close, and sure it would upset her to lose him, but she'd get over it. She'd grieve for a little bit, but in the end, she'd be able to move on with her life and find happiness again."
Still, I couldn't quite find it in my heart to care for her plight. Not to extent that I probably should have. Should I have felt more sympathy towards her? Probably. My best friend's brother was dying, and she was suffering because of it. I knew what it felt like - not to lose a brother but to have a dead one - and what that did to a family. I, of all people, should have been empathetic to her plight. But she'd still lied to me. She had still been the cause of my own pain, had still made me feel like I wasn't good enough.
That wasn't something that I could just brush off. And yet as I looked at Adia's tear-filled eyes, I couldn't bring myself to tear her down in the way I'd wanted to. What would that do, would good would it serve in the long run? It would only cause her to lose trust in me, and that was the very last thing I needed, not with all the work I had put in to building up trust and friendship and cultivating obedience from her.
It was better to catch flies with honey, after all, and this was not a time when violence or cruelty was called for.
"Oh, Adia," I whispered, placing my hand over hers again, thankful that she did not flinch away. "I don't have the words, I truly don't." I did, but they were jokes that, while quite humorous in my mind, had no place in this scenario. "I'm so, so sorry that this is happening to you, to your family. I wish with all my heart that I could do more for you than just offer these words of reassurance."
She gulped back more tears, and opened her mouth to speak. This time, however, I wasn't about to let her get a word in. She'd talked enough today, and now it was my turn. Open communication - that was the only way for this friendship to grow. "I just wish you hadn't lied to me, Adia. I understand why you didn't want to come over and play, I really did. I'd have felt the same if I was in your shoes." More. I'd have felt more. "But you should have just told me that Masood wasn't well. Instead of trying to deceive me the way that you did. That really hurt my feelings."
Judging by the shameful look in her eyes when I said that, I'd struck a nerve by saying this. She looked away from me, fresh tears pooling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Saria," she whimpered, sounding anxious and unsure, and guilt-ridden. As she should be. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't. I just-"
I cut across her. This didn't need to be a long, grovelling apology. Not today. In light of the situation, I figured it best to be merciful, just this once. Let Adia see how kind and generous I was. "It's okay, Adia. It's over and done with now. I'm not mad or upset anymore. Let's just put this behind us and promise to be truthful with one another from now on, okay?
She nodded, and I held out my little finger to her. "Pinky promise that we'll be honest and tell each other how we're feeling and help each other out from now on?" I suggested. It was a childish notion, yes, but Adia took the bait and looped her finger with mine. She swore that she would never be untruthful with me again, and I lied that I would do the same.
Once the promise was made, I held my arms out to her. "Come here, sweetling," I cooed, taking her into my embrace and carding my fingers gently through her hair. Slowly, she began to calm down, as I whispered sweet nothings and words of comfort into her ear and reassured her as best I could.
The classroom door opened, and Mermon Yashfa stepped back inside. I moved away from Adia, though I kept a soft yet firm grip on her hand, rubbing it gently with my thumb. Mermon Yashfa looked at us for a moment, a smile twitching onto her typically stern face as I offered my most innocent gaze.
"I take it that you two have made it up." It was not a question.
"Yes, ma'am," I responded. Adia gave me a nervous glance, perhaps fearing that I might tell Mermon Yashfa the reason for our argument, but she had no need to worry. I wasn't about to betray her confidence like that. What kind of friend did she take me for?
I offered a soft, cordial smile, keeping my eyes downcast in the mannerly way in which Tanya had instilled on me from toddlerhood. Keep your eyes down, never raise your voice when speaking to an elder. Address them with the proper terms. Curtsy - people like it when you curtsy - though I could not do that right now, given that I was sitting. Being polite and act with decorum. Act like a lady.
"Just a misunderstanding," I explained, "that's all it was. We've talked things over and come to an understanding now."
Mermon Yashfa looked at Adia, scrutinising her. "Is this true, Adia?" she asked, her tone stern. Far more so than it had been when she spoke to me.
Adia nodded. Her hand trembled in my grasp, and I tightened my grip on it, both to give her reassurance and to warn her of what might come if she tried to go against me. "Yes, Mermon Yashfa," she replied, "Saria and I are friends again. Everything is fine."
Did Mermon Yashfa believe a word of this? It was hard to tell. She wasn't a woman who wore her emotions on her sleeve, and her face was now an impassive mask. Sure, she might have been smiling in my direction - but that was the same patronising smile that one gives to a toddler, and I could not tell what she really thought about the situation playing out before her.
She let out a deep, tired sigh. "Very well," she said, "I am pleased to hear that your arguing is at an end." Then things turned serious for a moment as she narrowed her eyes at us both. "I do not want to hear about any sort of arguing or immature behaviour such as this again," she lectured, a warning that I'm confident was directed at Adia and not me. "If you have an issue with one another, you talk it out like the mature young ladies you both are, is that understood?"
Adia and I both responded that yes, we did understand. Satisfied with this response, Mermon Yashfa moved away from our desks and back towards the classroom door. "Very well," she said. "Lunch time is almost over. I need to bring the other girls inside. You two may remain here whilst I do that, there's really no point in you both going outside again. Get yourselves prepared for the rest of the school day."
Before either of us could answer, she swept out of the room, as if she no longer wanted to be privy to any of this - as if our 'middle-school drama' was becoming too much for her to deal with. I leaned over and kissed Adia's forehead, then bade her gently to start preparing herself for the next class. She did so, ever obedient, and I turned away from her, doing much the same. I didn't want Mermon Yashfa coming in here and lecturing either of us about being disorganised.
I straightened out the books on my desk, lined my pencils up all neat in a pretty row. My thoughts were focused solely on Adia now, on what she'd just told me. She would need someone to be there for her. Someone to hear her cries, to soothe her fears, to hold her when the worst inevitably did happen. What better person than me to be the one to lead her, to guide her through this. I would take her pain and fashion it into a blanket of protection in which I would cover her.
And when all was said and done, Adia may lose a brother, but I would gain her eternal subservience and loyalty.
Of this, there would be no doubt.
Thank you all for reading! In the next chapter, Saria is left home alone with her mother for the first time since the events of the Garden Party. She tries to hide away, but Tanya is relentless in her desire to speak to her daughter, and soon, an awkward conversation is had that leaves both mother and daughter with more questions than answers.
Look for that in the coming months. I hope that you all have enjoyed this chapter, and please note as always that while updates may be slow, they will come - there are a lot of interesting plot points and developments for this story, so keep an eye out!
I wish you all the very best, and send you my warmth and love!