Hi ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

Please Be Normal

〖Chapter 4〗

⦕ Other Worlds than These ⦖

"And there's Kunou's mommy! She's sleeping right now so please be quiet."

"Mommy, huh… How long has she been sleeping, kiddo?"

"Huh? Umm… seven nights I think? But Kunou wipes her now and then just like she did daddy before he went somewhere called a 'Better Place'!"

"That so… I need to make a call."

"Oooh! Is that a cellphone?"

"Yeah. This is Speirs. I want to propose an adoption, can you come here? Look, don't ask, just get here and you'll understand why. I need to call N as well so I can't talk long."

"Jii-tan, uppies."

"Uppies? At your age? Aren't you seven?"

"I'm six!"

Point well made. Shrugging, Speirs leaned back on his chair to allow Kunou to climb over his lap, bringing her plate of strawberry shortcake along; a gift from her new friends — and hopefully, caretakers.

"Lilith's Breath— she's adorable," Rias bluntly admitted, poorly restraining her urge to stroke that immensely bushy tail of hers. It didn't help that its white tip kept flicking about, brushing the air, evidence of the little vixen's uplifted mood. "You said she came from a world not too dissimilar to ours?"

"Yeah. Just different names, different flags, but thematically, it's Japan. Or at least it once was."

"What happened?" Issei dared to ask.

"Nothing short of total global annihilation. That tends to happen when people don't know when to stop with their… pursuit of progress…"

"War?" Rias speculated.

He shook his head. "No. It wasn't anything violent. At least the intention was good. The global population was too high, but their Earth's resources were dwindling rapidly. With massive amounts of energy needed to keep up with the demand, the central focus of the global elites was to find ways to tap into nature to generate the power needed. Geothermal generators, windmills, dams, nuclears — these just weren't enough anymore. But some decided moving someplace else that is less dense and untapped is a more preferable solution.

"That's where the rift started. The usual low to middle-class struggle against the elites. Those that had money or connection fled to live in a space station, while the research for power generation went on. Unfortunately, these projects were woefully underfunded as most of the funding goes to better the lives of those spacers. Not to mention the corruption.

"But they, the researchers, forgot what their association was named — tried to make do with whatever left they had, but in this level of risk, I'm talking nuclear generator and deep core extraction level of risk, whatever they had was not enough to ensure safety. Worse, they never had a Chernobyl event before, so—"

"Chernobyl?"

Speirs blinked. "Right. A nuclear power reactor that had a catastrophic meltdown. In my old world, it was contained before it spread."

"Oh. I know there's several in this world… Never had that sort of disaster happened before, however…"

"Mhmm. It wasn't pretty," Speirs simplified. "So. In short, they had been building nuclear reactors all around the world, and they were attempting to find ways to use the heat in Earth's mantle to produce energy… so they had to dig deep. About 40 kilos of the crust."

"...Did they do it…?"

"They did. For the first few weeks, months actually— they did it. What they didn't know, however, was that it caused cracks, the kind of cracks that spread."

"Oh."

"I've never seen an earthquake that strong. Supervolcanoes, mega tsunamis, the quakes — and worse, incapable leaders that decided it was then the best time to play with their toys, because what's there to lose?"

"Goodness…" Akeno breathed.

"Within less than a year, everything was gone. About a quarter of the globe was a hellish landscape, the other entombed in a desolate ice age. The rest? Aftermath of nukes. Just holes and rubbles."

"They seemed to be a lost cause from the beginning," Rias surmised. "Why were you sent there? From what I gathered, your task is to measure if a world is salvageable, no?"

"That's the gist of it, and that was my only job over there. To see if it's salvageable. And considering that the survivors; by that I mean the spacers, opted to cultivate Mars over rebuilding Earth — understandable, honestly, it's a fairly easy decision."

"But then, when did you find her?"

"At the very end," Speirs glanced down at the kit on his lap, blissfully finishing her afternoon snack, her legs dangling off the sofa. "I was sent there minutes after everything was decimated. I wasn't expecting to meet anyone alive. That said, she crawled out of nowhere like the rodent she is."

"I'm not a rodent!"

"Sure ya ain't," Speirs said, ruffling her dirty blonde hair in between her vulpine ears, eliciting whiney whining as her snacking was being rudely interrupted by an unannounced petting. "She's like some sort of weird, sentient pet to me."

"P-pet… That's a little demeaning."

"I know and I don't care."

Nothing could be said to that, Rias supposed. "Well… well then… to summarize, you'd like us to… take care of her while you're away?"

"Yes, I'd like you to house this ankle biter whenever I'm away, doing stuff. Whatever it is I do, it is to make sure this world doesn't go to the shitter."

Akeno gasped playfully. "Ara ara— language, Speirs-san."

"Nah she's too busy with her snack, ain't ya?"

"Huh? Uh… uh huh."

Speirs gave the 'told you so' look.

Rias exchanged a quick glance with Akeno. And then crossed her arms. "Well we do mind… We're not a daycare center for one, and we have jobs of our own that we can't disclose to children as young and impressionable as her. We'd hate it if we raised your kid wrong, Mr. Speirs."

"Yea nah, she won't bother any of yous and she spends most of her afternoon sleeping anyway. Or do you happen to have other alternatives? A trustworthy rello or some sort?"

"...A trustworthy what?"

"Relatives," Speirs clarified. "Someone with enough time on their hands to take care of this brat, at least until I can drop her off back at the daycare."

"Implying that I do have such a person at my immediate disposal…" Rias began, "this agreement sound all too one-sided, Mr. Speirs."

Speirs' expression slackened with annoyance mixed with slight disappointment. "Uh huh. A hundred worlds and yet you Devils are all the same… the word 'pro bono' probably isn't registered in your infernal dictionary."

"I just think we can come to an agreement that benefits both parties." Speirs didn't like the sound of that, but Rias went on. "I don't suppose using your… talents to wrench out information from the Grigori too much to ask?"

"Hey, Lady, see here; you don't have to do this. I get that. But mind you, I don't have to be here either. My entire reason for being in this place is to prevent four almighty bogans whose sneeze could wipe everything you ever know."

He jabbed his finger at the Devils before him to sharpen his point. "You, you, and you. You people and everything that is here. I don't have to bust my ass off, break my leg, take a bullet — I will get paid regardless, and my work will continue. The Auditors don't care about you. Not even your gods or satans or whatever deities — they won't miss any of you. They'll take over your world in a heartbeat, and I'll just move along to another, preferably a more cooperative place so that I don't have to repeat this drivel for who knows how much goddamn time."

"So. I'd appreciate it if you stop treating me like I came from around here. As if I care about your petty deals or standing or your squabbles with those weirdos — I don't. I have your Universe to fret about, and if you don't want to cooperate, I'll find someone else who will."

"...Uncle, you're being scary again."

Kunou's quiet, reserved voice managed to diffuse some of the tension.

"...Right," Speirs sighed. "My bad."

The Gremory heiress watched him for a moment, angered at first, but eventually saw his points and her insignificance as she finally relented.

"Fine," she suddenly said, somewhat defiantly, evidently carrying a wounded pride from his speech. "You can't blame me for trying."

"Yeah, yeah… bloody opportunists," he grumbled. Rias had an inkling he didn't like that kind of people very much. "I don't mean to lash out on you, Lady, but being constantly getting pried on with these 'requests' all the goddamn time I could push a man over the ledge sometimes."

"...And you did say that whole 'scratch back' thing."

"Huh?" Speirs looked mystified. He could have sworn he was sitting before a dignified heiress and not a pouty teenager not seconds before. "Oh. You mean you scratch mine and I scratch yours? Look here, Lady, you want me to snoop around your sworn enemy in exchange for looking after this thing."

"Hey!" Kunou complained, but was unheeded.

"That's not me scratching your back. That's me scratching your back, giving you a massage, and treating you to a nice restaurant. Look at her. She's harmless. She's adorable and cute. And harmless," he pointed out. "She won't try to hit you with a— what's that thing's name. The uh… sparky javelins."

"Lightspears."

"Right, that."

"Alright fine… I got greedy." Rias admitted with a sigh, slumping to her seat in a petulant show of resignation, of a defeat from a battle she foolishly started. "...We'll take care of her when necessary, and I'll assign someone to look after her when we can't."

Speirs smiled then. "Much appreciated," he chuckled. "See I prefer talking to you like this, Missy. Keep it real. Instead of your… prissy princessy 'I demand thee' persona back then."

"I have an image to maintain."

"What? Even in front of your friends?"

"...Especially in front of my friends," Rias grumpily, poutily, childishly folded her arms and looked away from him.

"I'm positive they won't mind you just being yourself."

"I'd appreciate it if you stop talking about me as though this isn't the first time you've met a person like me."

"Why? Does knowing that it's true make you feel less special? Does acknowledging you will never have full control over me annoy you so very much, Missy?"

Rias gritted her teeth. It seemed he was blessed with the ability to not just see all the wrong buttons, but the audacity to press all of them at the same time.

"Spare her some of her pride, please, Speirs-san." Akeno said with a giggle.

"You can't go soft on nobles. Now I get that we're all 'unique individuals' here… but no one's that unique. Not even me. I'm sure you all can categorize the people you've met in a certain bracket, and like most; once you meet one, you've met all of them."

"Goodness, have mercy, Speirs-san, you're being too logical it may start to intimidate us emotionally-driven beings," Akeno tittered at Rias' expense. She, of course, took pleasure in all this. Not everyday she could witness her proud friend and master be peeled down to her core; a haughty noble that did not like it when things didn't go her way. Like her engagement with the Young Phoenix — though this was one of the more extreme cases.

After things calmed down and the tension lowered to palpable level, when even Rias started to —albeit grouchily— ask more about his world, Issei finally let out a particular question that had been nibbling at his patience since he heard the Custodian's speech.

"So… Speirs…san…" the aspiring 'hero' began, "what… exactly do you do…?"

"Huh?"

The level of intimidation this man had was unreasonably high. Issei felt as if he'd phrased his question wrong.

In reality, that was just how Speirs looked. The type that was naturally menacing with a beard. His rugged look was a perfect fit for him to be cast as a grizzled trooper in any war movie. Or your everyday baddie no #2.

Issei cleared his throat. "I mean in… less than a general way. You save universes, right?"

"Uh-huh," Speirs nodded, leaning in a little, interested to see where the boy was heading.

"How do you actually do that? I mean, not to be rude, but you're just a guy."

Speirs laughed. Not a full blown laughter, but more of a cackle, actually. An amused cackle. "Well firstly I never see myself as 'just a guy'. You gotta be confident in all the things you do, and seeing yourself as just 'some guy' won't get you anywhere."

"That's inspiring talk, but it's not like being confident saves the world."

"No. No it doesn't," said Speirs, fully knowing Issei was asking out of interest to better himself rather than his strange occupation. "But it's how to get started, bud."

Even someone like Issei knew he had been completely seen through, and was rather embarrassed by it as he gingerly scratched his brown hair.

"Well.. erm… er… so how do you do it? Or what steps do you take, if there's even any."

As Kunou went off his lap to ask Akeno where to put her dirty plate, Speirs slumped back to his seat and breathed out a sigh.

"That depends. In some, the Universe's fate relies on certain individuals. To keep it easy; we dub them the MC or Heroes. Usually there's a Supervillain out there and had to be stopped or pacified. You know; sort of a movie-like development… That kind of place is always the easiest to handle…. At most a year and I'll piss off."

"What about other worlds that… don't have those kinds of important people?"

"...In that case, find the 'strongest' faction. A community, nation, a kingdom or an empire — figure out whatever parties are most likely to cause a mess if they suddenly stop existing, or that can cause a collapse if they want it, and start from there. My job desk is rather abstract, I admit. Way too many soft skills and not enough on the hard ones."

Issei nodded slowly, barely able to imagine the kind of responsibility those shoulders carried, speculating of what would happen should he was in his shoes. Considering the state he was in; his back would probably break.

"What kind of place is this one then, Speirs-san?"

Speirs spared a glance and caught sight of Rias' uneasiness.

"The first kind. Fits all the criterias to be one; weirdos with weird powers," so he said, barely a relief for the Gremory Devil. "As for which one's the hero and which one's the villain, let's just say I'm still working on it. I prefer to believe that a single individual shouldn't be able to change the world, but I've been proven wrong a fair bit of times — so I'm still watchful."

"You don't get hints? From your… erm… Auditors?"

"Look, bud," Speirs said, saying it not to Issei but to all the Devils in the room as to clarify this fact; "while they don't actively sabotage our work, they don't care about you. They're collectors. They want to add more worlds to their collection. They want to have more collections than the other. Y'see, like marble collectors. Theirs have to be the shiniest or the biggest compared to the rest."

Issei swallowed.

"...That's relieving," Rias muttered, "knowing there's not just one but a group of almighty beings out there that doesn't care much about us."

"Well, on the upside, their apathy tends to make them forget which universes they were expecting for a report. They're like overgrown children. Can only think about the things directly in front of them. Not next to their side, not on their back, just one direction — because they never have to bother." Speirs motioned his hand forward as though slowly chopping the air. "So, basically, unless us Custodians notify them, they'll be mostly looking the other way."

"...Nevertheless a tough pill to swallow," Rias sighed. "Being this insignificant…"

"On the grand scale of things? Yeah. That's what's wrong with us 'lesser beings' with our constant search to find meaning in spite of the universe's complete indifference. But should you bleaken your world because of your awareness? You're with your friends. Your world isn't falling apart. You don't have monsters that prowl between planets. No old Great Ones in the sea waiting to wake up and mess everything up."

He eyed her straight, fully knowing that Rias was the most bothered by this. "Yes, you may have your own share of problems. This isn't a perfect world and perhaps far from it. But it's far from the worst either. Any world where its children aren't required to strap a makeshift pipe-bomb on their back as a last resort is a decent world in my book."

"Holy f—"' Issei managed to stop himself. "...Children?"

"No older than this runt," Speirs muttered. "If you're thinking about wanting to be in my profession; don't. It's not an enviable one. Yes you can get lucky and be posted to a paradise world where everyone's holding their hands, circling a flower field, children laughing — but it's never their laugh that haunts you. ...Actually, no. I guess it's their laughter that haunts you the most…" he said, pausing, staring without looking. Instead of the cream wall, he saw a thick smoke. He heard the explosions and the eerie silence that followed. The firing squad. The 'undesirables' that were simply undesired because they were born with the wrong skin color or heritage. The 'undesirable' children that were laughing simply because they got to ride a train, blissfully unaware as they got closer towards the looming watchtower, towards the compound where ashes continued to spew.

Speirs was the train conductor. There was no other volunteer. He knew it was necessary. He had to transport those people to that place of damnation so the world could see the horrors their fellow men were capable of doing, and to be warrier as to not allow such atrocity to happen ever again.

"And the raining down of a thousand souls… dancing in the wind," he recited, before snapping out of it and acting as if he hadn't brought down the mood of the entire room by over-sharing his experience. "Anyway, what's a good place to eat around here? I could eat the bum of an elephant. Any nearby Maccas around?"

"...Don't know about an elephant, but I can show you the way to a good place with mean beef down the shopping district." Issei, being rather simple-minded, and not really able to picture the scene as vividly as the other Devils, broke through the stupor first.

"Nice. You show me the place and I'll treat you."

"Oh really?" exclaimed Issei. Always a good day when he didn't have to pay for his dinner. "Sweet!"

.

.

.

The boy and the boy in a man's body left in a jiffy. Kunou's small hand and her tail wagging side to side as she said goodbye and thank you was the only remedy Rias and Akeno received from that terrible story of his.

"The raining down of a thousand souls… dancing in the wind," Rias repeated, and still that line shook her. She could only imagine what it truly meant, but her imagination had gone quite far to know it was nothing pleasant. "Can you imagine being him? I feel like I'd break long ago."

"Rias, but he's already in pieces," Akeno giggled, and she giggled in a way that worried her crimson-haired friend. "I can fix him."

Sometimes, despite knowing her Queen the longest compared to her Pieces, Rias failed to understand her.

"Just the other day you wanted to break him and now you want to fix him. And girls that say that are often worse."

"Oh? Very well," Akeno hummed. "I can make him worse."

Rias' eyes were filled with judgment as she pondered Akeno's sanity, questioning if that was a joke or she should be deeply concerned about her friend and unorthodox taste.

"...Leave the poor man alone," Rias decided to say just in case.

Break

Issei had warned him about the illegality of three people riding the same motorbike, especially with a small girl sitting at the front, but Speirs simply won him over by saying Custodians were immune from being interfered with by local authorities. They simply didn't exist. How? He had no idea. Auditor stuff.

And it seemed he had just inspired someone to start saving for their own chopper, because Issei couldn't stop raving about how cool his bike was and how cool he looked with his biker gear. Of course, only boys would consider it was cool, and Speirs was no different.

The place he took him was a cozy shack filled with the tantalizing aroma of simmering broth and savory beef. The wooden walls were adorned with Japanese decorations, and soft traditional music plays in the background. Warm and inviting. Unsurprisingly, not a place popular for the younger generation, but Issei mentioned this place was packed in the night with white and blue-collared workers.

Speirs hypothesized that it was due to the homey environment that eating here reminded them of home, but that was probably just him being sentimental.

"How did you find this place?" Speirs asked, reclining on his seat, now stuffed and satisfied. Kunou was seated next to him, looking like she was about to doze off any second since she had been nodding on and off with half-lidded eyes.

"My dad brought me here. Was it good?"

"For this price? That was amazing."

"Right?!" Issei exclaimed proudly as if he was the one who simmered the beef and cooked it. "I'm somewhat of a foodie."

"Does that mean you just like to eat or does it have any deeper meaning to it."

"I just like to eat," the boy grinned. "I think I've tried all the food in this town… the affordable ones, at least."

Speirs recalled Gremory's offer back from their first encounter. "Don't you get paid? Working for them, I mean."

"I do, but I'm gonna save up for a bike! I'm gonna get my license next year, and the bike!"

Speirs was rather proud of himself for this effect he had on the boy. "There's nothing that can clear your mind more than a late night ride. It's therapeutic."

"Oh crap, that sounds cool."

"And of course it is."

If there were any girls that were listening to the conversion, they would simply think 'boys are dumb', and they were right.

"So, boyo," Speirs began. He considered it was time for the main course; the thick meat. He didn't treat Issei for nothing, he wanted to know more about this 'hero' directly. "Why do you become a Devil?"

"A pft—" Issei choked, nearly spitting his cold cola. "What?"

"We all have our reasons. What's yours? Payback for what that specific someone did to you, to become strong, you know. The usual stuff."

"Oh," Issei nodded blandly. "Well, you know how we, as humans, are mostly monogamous?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh…"

"Well I want a harem, Sup— Supaisu— ah, jeez, foreigners have insanely hard names… err… uh, can I just call you S-San?"

"Sure," S-San shrugged, giving no thoughts whatsoever. He'd been called worse, and there was a way more interesting topic to discuss, namely this boy's reason. "But a harem?"

"Yeah, a harem! If I'm a Dev— erm…" he glanced at the other patrons and decided to keep his voice lower. "...If I'm a Devil, I don't have to always obey human laws, you see, S-San… And if I get strong enough, I can get rewarded with a Peerage of my own! They value power above all else, S-San!"

"Power huh? Hmm… being liked because of power… isn't that a bit shallow?"

"Urk—! W-well, I guess if you think of it that deeply…" Issei admitted sheepishly. Even he was aware of the shallowness of that sort of relationship. "I guess it's like some rich guy having lots of gold diggers around him… but that's better than having no one around you."

'Hmmm…?' Speirs folded his hands, tilting his head slightly to one side. "We can stop this anytime, boyo, but do you have a lot of friends?"

"Wuh! H-holy crap, no one has ever been that blunt with me before."

"Being blunt saves time," Speirs simply reasoned. "Just tell the truth. I won't laugh."

There was visible hesitation, but Issei admitted. "...No. Not really I guess. Most people in school avoid me. They don't want their rep to be tainted because… well, let's just say I'm pretty famous."

"The Perverted Trio, right?"

"Geh…"

"You mind if I ask why you're doing all that? I'm curious."

"W-well… I-I mean I know it's wrong but I'm a healthy growing boy…"

"So you say, but are there any other healthy growing boys other than you three that sneak into the girls' locker room?"

"..."

"Sides, rather than being stared at with disdain whenever you get caught, wouldn't you rather have them approach you instead?"

"Eh?"

"Looking all shy, embarrassed but ultimately they're doing it to make you happy. Or be approached by the confident ones that stalk you like you're a slab of premium meat."

"O-ohhhh—! I can see the picture clearly, S-San— of course I want that! That's some king shit right there!" Issei exclaimed, all hyped up from his own imagination. "But how do I do that? I mean, I pretty much have given up on befriending a girl let alone getting a girlfriend. Well, we, actually… so we just thought we had nothing to lose and did all that stuff… Like… Can I even recover at this point? I feel like my reputation is at the lowest of lows."

Speirs leaned back on his seat and was about to light a lighter before Issei hurriedly reminded him it was a no smoking zone. 'Cursed Japan and their tobacco disdain…'

"Do you want to change?"

"Yeah!"

"Are you aware that you're a shithead?"

"Yes! I'm a shithead!"

Speirs smirked. "Then yes. Yes you can. I've met a lot of people, and I can tell in a glimpse that you're decent from the fact that you know you're wrong and you want to change." Speirs told him straight, which quite touched Issei a little due to how few people thought of that about him. "But you gotta fix your shit, boyo. There's a pervert and then there's a harasser and a potential rapist. I know we've just met and I know you're not like that, but I don't feel comfortable having Kunou anywhere near you."

"O-oh…" That hurt. And the girl was right next to him too, even if she wasn't completely there anymore.

"If you dare to make a mistake then you gotta man up and owe up for your actions. Apologize to the girls you've wronged. They'll think you're being ingenuine but that's expected. Quit your unhealthy habits. Don't 'just be yourself' when 'yourself' is a shithead. If you have a daughter and your daughter has a pervy stalker at school, how would you act? You'd want to blow that fucker's head off, right?"

"Yeah," Issei nodded.

"Good," Speirs hummed. "Sorry for lecturing you out of the blue. It's a bad habit I suppose— but I think I've made my point clear. As for your incentive, how about I treat you here every week?"

"O—ohhhh?! You mean it? No going back on that, alright?!"

"Yea, yeah."

"...But what exactly do I do, S-San? As in… who do I have to be?"

"Picture the man you'd want your future daughter to be with. Be that guy."

For a moment, Issei went completely silent, mulling over his words. It deeply resonated. So simple, yet so effective.

"The man I'd want my future daughter to be with… okay… I'll keep that in mind. Forever, I think," Issei muttered, before staring at Speirs with silent admiration and awe. "You sure know how to make a lasting impact, S-San."

"Hah! That's nice to hear."

Issei was totally going to steal that phrase. 'Nice to hear'. It sounded casual and cool. Cooler than a simple thanks or enthusiastic thank you. Issei had a strange feeling that told him he'd just met the coolest guy he'd ever met.

"...Jii-tan…" without warning, Kunou yawned as she climbed over his lap, drowsily laying her head against his chest. "...Kunou's sleepy."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go home shall we. Let's go boyo."

"O-oh!" Issei quickly rose to his feet. "I think I'll stay here for a while, S-San. I have some things to think… U-uh— thank you for the treat! Please take care."

Speirs' smile was easy and light. "Uh-huh. You too, bud. Don't think about it too hard. Remember that you're still what… seventeen? People can change a lot during their late teens."

And Speirs left… not knowing that his spiel had given Issei enough resolve to completely disregard Rias' warning, and went on his own to save his friend. Issei knew one thing, and that was he couldn't live with himself if he abandoned someone in need. He saw Asia's tears. She told him he was her only friend. Someone like her deserved better, whereas someone like him deserved less.

When Issei left the eatery, he didn't head home.

In fact, that day, he never did.

To be continued…

I asked you lot for suggestions and instead you demanded everything I offered— well don't complain that I don't deliver. You get Speirs' getting PTSD, being a bro, and interacting with the DxD wamen

He's not a very stable man, but nonetheless never stop trying to not fuck things up

Also i personally think 'just be yourself' is terrible advice. Any advice that you can't say to certain people is just bad advice imo. Like would you say that to an asshole? A racist? A white/black/yellow/orange/rainbow supremacist? Yea. thought so

There will be Speirs and Yasaka interaction. Not soon tho. But it's in the making

Next chapter will feature Speirs and hopefully highlight why he's a Custodian