Weeks passed by with no sign of Elliot, after their last phone call. Olivia came to learn that he hadn't called his kids or his mom either during that time, and that added to her concern.
At first, she dove into her work, trying to distract herself, but as the days turned into weeks, the worry began to consume her.
After 20 long days, the frustration and anxiety had reached a breaking point, and she had needed answers. She finally gathered up her courage and decided to ask Ayanna about Elliot's assignment. Bell had informed her that the case had indeed almost been compromised, but that Elliot had managed to get it back on track. Olivia was relieved to hear that, but her worry still lingered.
As days continue to pass by with no calls from Stabler, her relief from the conversation with Ayanna turned into frustration, and then anger. Anger at the lack of control she had in this situation. Anger at Elliot for leaving, again, letting her to worry alone.
And so, when the Unknown Caller appeared on her phone, in the midst of a particularly bad case at the top of it all, she couldn't keep the frustration out of her voice when she picked up.
"Elliot, where have you been?!" she asked, closing the door of her office. "Neither Kathleen nor Bell heard from you in the last month."
"I know, I had to lay low for a while. I talked to Bell this morning, everything's fine now." Elliot's voice sounded weary and worn, and she could hear the exhaustion in his words.
"Everything's fine?! Elliot, you're leading this in the dark, on your own. I thought this was supposed to be a team assignment, to rally everyone? Not you going rogue, again." Her words came out harsher than she intended, her worry and fear for him fueling her anger.
"I know, but this is the job. You know how it is, Liv…I had to make a decision." he replied, his tone tinged with weariness.
"Yeah well, it's always on your terms anyway, isn't it?" she retorted, her frustration still escalating.
"What does that mean?" he asked, taken aback at the accusation.
Olivia sighed in frustration. She didn't have the energy to tame her words today.
"It means that you're always the one calling, and I'm always the one to pick up."
Elliot understood her anger, but even though he felt the pang of guilt, he couldn't let this go just yet.
"You don't have to." he settled for, trying to defuse the tension, though it only made her scoff in response.
"Yeah right, I'll keep that in mind for next time." she said, her emotions mixed with anger and hurt.
Deep down, she knew she wouldn't let an opportunity to talk to him pass. And Elliot knew it too. And that made her even angrier.
"You want me to stop calling?" his voice was soft again.
"That's not what I'm saying, Elliot." she replied, her anger dissipating at the hurt in his voice.
"Then what are you saying?"
She audibly sighed, her helplessness coming through her frustration.
"I'm saying…that this is hard…speaking under a five-minutes clock, 2-3 times a month." She admitted, finally sitting on the couch in her office, the fight draining her.
"It's not ideal, I know." Elliot conceded.
"Sometimes I wanna talk but can't pick up the phone, and other times I just need to be with myself and you're calling. I don't have control at all in this. That's not a way to communicate." She finished.
He understood her frustration and sighed at the constraints of their calls.
"I'll tell you what, my next calls will be to mama and Eli. If you want me to call you the time after that, let them know and I'll get the message." He offered.
"Fine..." She replied, the solution not meeting her expectations, but willing to accept it for now.
Silence followed, and Elliot hated that he couldn't do anything to remedy the situation. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her, how much he needed her too, but the constraints of the calls, mixed with her current emotional state, made it difficult to convey.
"I'll leave you to your day then." He said, half disappointed, half frustrated, not knowing how to end the call.
But Olivia took it the wrong way.
"Don't do that." She scolded.
"Do what?"
"Use that condescending tone, as if I'm wrong in this."
"Liv, I didn't say you were wrong." he responded, but she could sense the tension rising in his voice. She wanted the fight, needed it, as it brought them closer in a strange way.
"It's how you said it. You always do this, go rogue on your own, without thinking if other people need you." she expressed, her anger from the decade of absence coming through at the worst moment.
"Do you need me?" he threw her off with the question.
"That's not-"
"No Olivia," he cut her, stern and getting angry himself, "because if you need me right now, I will throw this case out the window and be at your door in less than 24h. I'm not even kidding."
"I don't need you, Elliot, you know why? 'Cause I had to go through some of the darkest moments of my life without you after you left, and I managed it all by myself. So, no, I don't need you."
The weight of her words hung heavily between them for a moment.
"What do you mean, the darkest moments?" he asked softly, sadness and worry in his voice.
Olivia was thrown off guard by his genuine concern but pushed on, determined to keep the fight going.
"It doesn't matter." She replied, closing the subject abruptly.
"Liv-"
"I don't wanna talk about this."
The silence stretched, and she wanted to maintain control, so he gave it to her for this conversation.
"Fine."
"Fine."
Both let out sighs, the tension palpable. Olivia sensed him looking at his watch, aware of the time ticking away, pulling them further apart.
"I'm sorry I can't be there for you, Olivia, I wish I could. I want to." He said, his voice small, breaking her heart.
A single tear escaped her eye, but she didn't reply.
"Good night, Olivia."
Click. Olivia closed her eyes as the call ended, leaning her head back against the couch. She felt a pang of regret for not telling him to stay safe, like she did during their previous calls. Her heart was torn between her anger and her longing for him. In the end, she just wanted him back, to be home safely. The fight had left her feeling both drained and more alone than ever. The distance between them was becoming more and more unbearable.