Three... Two... One...

Okay, Angie, vitals are stabilizing. I'm ready. Prepare her for release...

My eyes fly open, and panic sends a shockwave through my entire body. For an instant, I feel mentally suspended in space and time. I have no idea where I am, how I got here, or what is happening to me. In the first moments after I come to my senses, I don't even remember who I am.

"Welcome back, Ms. Brimtone," a man says, leaning over me with a smile. And then I remember.

The weight of everything that has happened to me crushes down on me like a fifty-ton truck, and I can't help but let out a wail of despair. Panic claws at my chest, and I sit up in my bed. I'm not supposed to be here; Russell, poor sweet Russell, is dead... I didn't deserve to win, but here I am.

The doctor and his female assistant frantically move to release the tube that is stuck in my mouth.

"It's okay, sweetheart, you're safe now," the doctor's assistant says soothingly in my ear. Her nametag has Angie scribbled on it in cursive. "Nothing is going to happen to you."

She doesn't understand; nobody understands that I'm not crying from fear. I'm mourning the best friend I ever had, the boy who taught me that my life was worth living and sacrificed himself so that I could live it.

"You have a visitor, Ms. Brimstone," the doctor says, sharing a nod with his assistant. The two of them step out of my view, and a man appears in their place.

"Simon," I sob. I have so much that I want to say to him, but not a single word manages to squeeze past my lips.

Simon takes a close look at my face, shaking his head a bit. "Don't cry," he sighs. "Come on, Luna."

"I shouldn't be here, Simon," I choke out. "Why couldn't they have just let me die?"

Simon gives me a look like I'm crazy. "You killed Amanda, Luna," he says, and it feels like he's driving a knife into my heart. "You made that choice, and now you have to live with it. Simple as that."

I squeeze my eyes shut, and tears spill down my face. How could this have happened? What was I thinking?

"The Capitol needs their Victor," Simon says, his eyes soft but his tone stern. "No matter who that Victor is. Don't flatter yourself - all of us are just here to remind the Districts of the Capitol's power over them."

"I didn't deserve to win," I say, tears running down my face. How could being alive hurt so much? I'd rather die than live to carry the burden that these Games have placed on my shoulders.

"Think of yourself for once, dammit!" Simon barks, losing his temper. "Every single child in that Arena deserved to live, including you, Luna. Take this opportunity and grow from it. Soon enough you'll learn that nobody deserves to survive the Arena more than anybody else. Those of us who survived just happened to outlive the others, and now we have to suffer the consequences of living the lives we thought we wanted."

I just stare up at Simon, my tears forgotten. I'm stunned by his tirade; maybe it's the fact that I've been asleep for so long, but all of this is so overwhelming to me.

Simon sighs, staring down at my tear-streaked face. "Listen, I'm going to get Laurentia," he says, shaking his head. "She's always been better with you than I was. You have an interview with Ross tonight. I'll see you before then."

Simon ducks out of view, and I hear the doctor's assistant re-enter the room. I'm not alone in here, and yet I've never felt lonelier in my entire life. Without Russell, I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out, and I feel empty inside... nobody out here, not one single person, understands what I've experienced in the last two weeks, because nobody was in that Arena except me.

What've I done? What was I thinking?

In that last moment of panic in the Arena, I knew in my heart that I couldn't let Amanda win the Hunger Games. After everything Russell and I had been through, after all the time that the odds had been stacked against us, it wouldn't be right to let her win. Only now am I realizing the consequences of that decision I'd made so confidently.

I hear heels clicking from down the hallway, steadily growing closer. Finally, Laurentia pops into view. Her neon pink hair and matching outfit are so bright that it makes me feel nauseous, and I have to close my eyes.

"I'm so proud of you, dear," Laurentia says, leaving a kiss on my cheek as I regain my bearings and re-open my eyes. "Even though things didn't... turn out the way you wanted."

I can't help but laugh - that's the understatement of the century. I don't think a single thing that happened in the Arena went the way I wanted it - I watched my brother die, only to realize that he never loved me. I ran myself raw looking for a friend who tried to kill me, and when I finally accepted my own death, it was torn from me. And Russell...

My sudden burst of laughter seems to convince Laurentia that she's successfully cheered me up with her presence. "Listen, Luna," Laurentia says, leaning closer to my ear. "I know a lot of people in the Capitol don't think that you deserved to win the Games. I think you feel the same way. But I'm so happy that you made it out, regardless of the situation. You'll be a star now, and you deserve it."

I don't care about any of that - I'd actually prefer that everyone just forget about me, honestly. I don't want to be some Capitol celebrity, but Laurentia wouldn't understand that. To her, all of this is a blessing for me, but it's the exact opposite.

"I'll let you rest," Laurentia says, brushing my hair out of my face. "You have a few busy days ahead. Lots to see, lots of important people to meet!"

I force a smile for Laurentia's sake, but it's dropped the moment she steps out of the room. My entire body feels numb; I can't believe that any of this is real. I shouldn't be here, and to be honest, I don't want to be.

I can't explain it, but something in the Arena pushed me to fight at just the right moment, and it propelled me out of the Arena. I can't ignore how I felt right at that crucial moment. I wanted, needed, to kill Amanda. For Russell's sake. No, not just for Russell - for my sake as well. After two weeks in the Arena, my survival instincts finally kicked in and took control.

Now I'm starting to regret my choice. I did all of that for what? So that the Careers wouldn't win? They've been preparing for this their whole lives, they honestly deserved it more than I did. Amanda would've made more out of this opportunity than I will, that's for sure.

A mixture of guilt and regret rushes through my mind as the doctor's assistant twists a dial next to my bed. I feel my eyelids force themselves closed and I slip back into unconsciousness.