When asked her favorite holiday. Louise Belcher would not skip a beat in answering her birthday. When people, specifically adults, would say that was not a real holiday and insist that she picked a real holiday. Without hesitation she would say Halloween. She loved that Halloween was all about candy and fun. There were no greeting cards, no hugs, no lessons, or worse lectures on the real meaning. Just good old fun. The only thing she disliked about Halloween. She still had to go to school. At least Wagstaff left a lot to be desired. They actually let kids have fun on Halloween. Well as much fun as you could have while still at school. As much fun as you could have when you had to play dodge ball in gym class and Chloe Barbash had it out for you all day. Chloe was a nightmare on a good day but ever since Louise had snitched on her older sister, she was unbearable. Louise wasn't typically a snitch but when she overheard Chloe's sister Lynette called Tina a for eyed freak. Louise couldn't take it lying down. She thought it would be safe to write an anonymous note and give it to "Accountability Billy." Of course, stupid Mr. Frond had to recognize her handwriting and told the whole school she had snitched. Lynette got detention and Chloe decided to take it out on Louise. To top it off Louise's stomach had been hurting the past few days. Tina had caught a stomach virus at a Thunder Girls sleepover the weekend before last. She got sick in the car and Bob caught it from her. Linda caught it from Bob. Then because Gene could not leave his precious mommy sick in the bathroom. Gene got it. Louise prayed that it had ended with Gene but now she could not be so sure.
"LOOK ALIVE, BELCHER!" Coach Blevins barked.
"Well, I am Broccoli Rob Zombie. So that is offensive." Louise rebutted.
"Belcher my ex-wife is engaged to the cop who gave me my DUI. I am not in the mood for your sarcasm." Coach Blevins warned.
"Uh that's not really appropriate but OK." Louise scoffed.
"Don't worry coach! I'll get her head in the game!" Chloe cried lobbing one of the balls in Louise's direction.
Chloe was not exactly known for her upper body strength, but the ball happened to hit Louise square in the stomach. Suddenly the pain was at least ten times worse. Louise winced and rubbed her stomach. That was now begging to empty its contents all over the gym floor. She swallowed hard and walked off the court in a daze. The bile was rising again, and Louise knew she could not fight it much longer. She also knew she could not get sick in the gym. Aside from the utter humiliation of throwing up in front of the entire class. If she got sick in class. She would miss trick or treating for sure.
"Going to the bathroom! It's an emergency! No time for a hall pass!" Louise cried.
Louise ran into the bathroom outside the gym. Making it into the stall just in time. She wiped her mouth with toilet paper, tossed it in the toilet, and flushed. She washed her hands and rinsed her mouth in the sink.
"Did you make it OK?" Coach Blevins asked, eyeing the spot on her pants where the sink had splashed her.
"Oh yeah this is just water." Louise replied.
"Alright well go sit on the bench." Coach Blevins replied.
"Are you OK, Louise?" Rudy asked.
"Yeah, all part of the fun of having a small bladder." Louise lied.
Despite her stomach still aching, Louise managed to make it through the rest of the day with no incidents. Though she had a close call during lunch. Thanks to the bean and bacon soup that looked like a combination of diarrhea and dirty mop water. She also managed to eat just enough to get Tina off her back. Linda made beef and broccoli for dinner. Which wasn't exactly Louise's favorite and today it looked even more unappetizing.
"Are you OK, Louise? You barely touched your lunch and now you aren't eating dinner." Tina asked.
"I am fine. Just saving room for candy. Like a good American." Louise replied.
"Beans and broccoli in one day. Some bad Americans are going to storm my capitol tonight!" Gene laughed letting out a nasty fart.
"Gene" Bob warned.
"Well now I've lost my appetite." Louise moaned, pushing her plate away.
"You look a little green. Are you sure you are up for trick or treating?" Linda asked.
"Oh, come on, mom! You smelled that! Anybody would be green." Louise argued.
"Fair point. Well eat what you can and then get your costume back on." Linda insisted.
Twenty minutes later Louise was following her siblings, the Pesto boys, Susmita, Alex, and Rudy around town. She still felt terrible, but Halloween only came around once a year and Tina had been watching her like a hawk since dinner. She had to keep up appearances. Even still she was lagging behind the group. Even Rudy was ahead of her. She felt so pathetic.
"Are you sure you are OK, Louise?" Susmita asked.
"Fine" Louise lied.
"You look tired and a little pale. Maybe we she go back." Tina commented.
"I am fine. Besides what about the others?" Louise asked, knowing Tina and Susmita were in charge.
"I can handle helping the kids trick or treat. I lost Ollie for ten minutes last year and now my mom thinks I'm irresponsible." Jimmy Junior scoffed.
"It was the worst ten minutes of my life. I felt like half my body was missing." Andy recalled.
"It's OK. I came back." Andy assured pulling his brother into a hug.
"Come on guys it's Halloween. Enough with the emotions!" Louise snapped.
Aside from leaving "a sizable gift." In the bushes of the Widow Williams' home, which thankfully nobody noticed. Because Andy tripped over Ollie's shoelace going down the steps. Causing both twins to tumble first into Jimmy Junior's backside and then onto the sidewalk. Louise managed to make it through trick or treating without any incidents. Now the Belcher kids were sitting on the living room floor inspecting and dividing their candy. Each setting aside a portion for their parents. Bob and Linda claimed it was to teach them about taxes, but Louise wasn't two years old. She knew her parents just wanted to get in on the free candy. Once the candy was divided up. Tina began to load hers into a small plastic shoe box she would hide under her bed. While Louise and Gene set out to gorge on theirs until bedtime. On top of her stomach hurting, she was dealing with this strange feeling of fullness. She had been experiencing that sensation for a couple of weeks now. She would eat a tiny plate of food but feel as if she had just eaten a full Thanksgiving dinner. She unwrapped a Sticky Sugar Boom sure that would cure her. She took one bite and instantly regretted it. Spiting the rest back into the wrapper.
"Oh no! Did they change the recipe?" Gene gasped.
"No, it's still good. I'm just full." Louise replied.
"How can you be full? You barely ate anything today?" Tina questioned.
"I just am! OK? I'm going to bed!" Louise snapped.
Louise instantly regretted yelling at Tina but sometimes she got sick of Tina mother Henning her. She wanted to apologize but that feeling was back. She made a beeline for the bathroom. Once she was done, she brushed her teeth and went to bed. Despite the pain persisting. She managed to get a decent night's sleep. Which made it even more strange when she woke up completely exhausted, her stomach still aching. She got dressed and walked into the kitchen. Grimacing at the smell of pancakes. It was just Linda in the kitchen. Bob was pacing around the living room talking to his dad on the phone. While Tina was hard at work writing in her diary about how Jimmy Junior had asked her to check out his butt the night before. While Gene was still shuffling around his room.
"Can I stay home today?" Louise asked.
"What's wrong?" Linda questioned.
"My stomach hurts." Louise replied.
"I would also like to stay home due to tummy trouble." Gene added.
"I am sorry but you two chose to gorge on candy last night. Your and I agreed we would not let you kids stay home because you over did it on candy." Linda explained. "Tough it out until lunch and I will come get you." She added in a whisper.
"Good morning." Tina greeted.
"There's my responsible girl! No requests to stay home from Tina. Because she saves her candy." Linda praised.
"Uh thank you." Tina replied.
"Your brother and sister ate almost all their candy and now they want to stay home." Linda explained.
"Actually mom, Louise only ate half a "Sticky Sugar Boom" last night." Tina recalled.
"What?" Linda gasped.
"Louies actually didn't eat much candy." Tina repeated.
"Oh no! Oh, my poor baby!" Linda cried rushing to Louise's side. "Hmm you don't feel warm, but you are really pale. You probably caught that bug that's been going around. Go back to bed." She ordered.
Louise changed back into her pajamas and climbed back into bed. She heard Linda calling the school to say she would not be coming that day and Gene protesting unfair treatment. Eventually she drifted off to sleep. She woke up a while later with the puke bucket and bottle of ginger ale beside her bed. One advantage of being the last one in the house to get sick was that she did not end up quarantined in the bathroom like the others. She took a swig of Ginger Ale and then fell back asleep until Linda returned at lunch time with a small cup of soup and handful of crackers. She took another sip of Ginger Ale and nibbled at her crackers. She ate two crackers and maybe a fourth of the soup. They managed to stay down. So, she tried to eat the rest. Big mistake. She retched into the bucket. That was fun to get down from the loft bed.
The rest of Wednesday passed in a blur. Louise was feeling slightly better by Thursday but still ended up staying home. Due to her getting sick again in the middle of the night. By Thursday she was actually able to stay awake. She still had to isolate just in case she had a different stomach bug, but Linda did sneak her the travel TV. She spent the morning flipping aimlessly through the wasteland that was daytime TV. Linda brought her lunch of a slightly more flavorful soup and crackers. She ate the crackers and a little over half the soup before feeling full. Despite having had this feeling for weeks. She chalked It up to being part of recovering from the bug. She was able to join her family for dinner that night. Though she was stuck eating plain tomato soup. While the rest of the family had tacos. That seemed rude.
"So, I have some news." Bob announced about halfway through dinner.
"We are getting a horse?" Tina guessed.
"We are getting a hearse?" Louise hoped.
"We're getting a hose?" Gene guessed.
"A hose?" Louise questioned.
"A hose that sprays Micro Cola!" Gene cried.
"No guys this is kind of serious." Bob clarified.
"Which one of us is dying? It's Tina, isn't it? No way a person's breath can smell that bad and it is not a bad sign." Louise questioned.
"What?!" Tina cried.
"Louise!" Linda warned.
"Nobody is dying but my dad is having a knee replacement next month." Bob announced.
"This isn't one of those it would be faster if a family member donated deals? Right? Because I love Pop-Pop but I need both knees to start my new dance craze. It's a hybrid of hip-hop, swing, and the Bossa nova." Gene announced.
"Don't worry Gene. They use metal and I think rubber to make a fake knee." Bob explained.
"Aw man! Can I get a knee replacement? Then I could be a cyborg, dancing machine!" Gene cried.
"It doesn't work like that Gene and besides it's a very expensive surgery." Bob clarified.
"Aw boo" Gene scoffed.
"Anyway, he's going to need to be off his feet for a few days. Pete is going to stay with him during the day and Mike is going to manage the diner, but he is going to need me to come and stay with him during the night while Pete is at work. So, for about a week. I will be leaving around four to take care of my dad during the night. Which means you kids, and your mom will have to really step up during the dinner rush." Bob explained.
"Aw" Gene and Louise moaned in unison.
"Yes, a chance to prove myself responsible and get a horse!" Tina cried.
"For a week we will become Linda's Lutefisk at dinnertime!" Linda cried.
"Do you even know what Lutefisk is?" Louise demanded.
"Some kind of chocolate?" Linda guessed.
"Its fish soaked in lye! It's a Norwegian thing. Rudy's dad made a freezer full of it when that lady preacher visited from Texas." Louise explained.
"Oh! Well, that's gross. We will be Linda's Licorice. Assuming I can buy enough Licorice." Linda replied.
"We will be Bob's Burgers." Bob insisted.
Louise tolerated her dinner OK, but she still had the full feeling. Linda declared that she would be able to return to school the following day and Louise breathed a sigh of conflicted relief. On the one hand she was dreading having to go back to that dump, but on the other hand. School policy required a doctor's note if you missed more than two days of school, and doctors were the one thing Louise hated more than school. She watched a little TV with Tina and Gene before bedtime. She got ready for bed saying a silent prayer that she would not be saddled with too much makeup work and would be able to enjoy at least part of the weekend. She must have still been a little under the weather. Because she felt exhausted after only being out of bed for a few hours. At least she was able to drift off to sleep pretty fast. Despite her tendency towards insomnia. She woke up around three in the morning with a sharp pain in her side. She had enough of the medical textbook Grandma Lily had used in nursing school memorized to know that side pain and stomach troubles were a telltale sign of appendicitis, but the pain was not on the appendicitis side. Still, this could be something serious. She climbed out of bed, walked down the hall to her parents' room, and knocked on the door. She could hear her parents talking.
"Mom? Dad?" Louise called.
"So, your dad is going to pay you to look after him?" Linda asked.
"Yeah, his insurance will cover a nurse, but you know how my dad is around new people. Anyway, business has been surprisingly good the past few months. So, between that and what my dad is paying me. I think we can finally get a new TV for Christmas. Nothing fancy of course but something from this century. I mean the kids really have been working a little harder and their grades are passable by their standards. Actually Louise has been really improved this year. Anyway, I think we've all earned it." Bob explained.
"I agree. Hang on is that knocking?" Linda commented.
"That's Louise" Bob replied.
Louise let out a small squeal. They were going to get a new TV. A real new TV? Not a new to them TV from the discount electronics store in Bog Harbor? She knew she would have to wait until Christmas, and she would have to make sure to act really surprised, but she was still ecstatic a new TV! Then she heard the rest of Bob's words. Even with business being better and the extra money from Pop-Pop. They still could barely afford a new TV. Any extra bills could take it away from them. A medical bill would for sure. Her side was killing her, but it wasn't the appendicitis side and she had been kind of constipated lately. She probably just needed to poop. There was no way she was going to endure the twin traumas of robbing the family of a new TV and having an old man in a white coat tell her she needed to poop. She started back to bed but Bob and Linda's door was already open.
"Louise it's three in the morning? Is everything OK?" Bob asked.
"It's fine, great really. I just wanted to say I am having an amazing childhood and keep up the good work." Louise lied.
"Aw that's so sweet! Come here!" Linda cried pulling her into a tight hug.
"Aw mom!" Louise whined.
"You knocked on our door at three in the morning to tell us you loved us?" Bob questioned.
"Yes" Louise replied.
"Is that so surprising?" Linda asked.
"I mean for Louise yes. I would expect this out of Gene or even Tina, but you know how Louise is." Bob rebutted.
"Oh, come on, Bobby! She loves us and she wants to shout it from the roof tops!" Linda cried.
"Yeah dad! I love you! Is that so weird?" Louise questioned.
"YAY middle of the night family love declaration!" Gene cried exiting the bathroom and joining Linda and Louise's hug.
"Aw Gene! I hope you washed your hands!" Louise whimpered.
"I don't need to wash my hands when love is all around! Mary Tyler Moore never washed her hands! And look at her!" Gene cried.
"Gene you need to wash your hands." Bob insisted.
"What's going on?" Tina asked from her doorway with a yawn.
"Family love in!" Gene cried.
"And I wasn't invited?" Tina questioned.
"It wasn't an invitation event. Louise just decided to come and tell us that she loved us in the middle of the night and for no reason. Despite that being vastly out of character for Louise. Your mom just went with it and Gene just happened to be coming out of the bathroom at the same time." Bob explained.
"Well, I'm here now! So, make some room!" Tina cried joining the hug.
"I guess we're doing this, and I do love all of you." Bob sighed as he joined in.