Disclaimer: All characters and events that take place within the story are fictional. Any relations to real people or events are purely coincidental. All copyrights belong to Atlus.
Art by Zengoro on Pixiv. Thanks so much!
Warning: Deviants explores psychological disorders, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide, sexual assault, and emotional trauma both from an intrapersonal and interpersonal perspective. If you or anyone you know are suffering from any of the above, please seek professional help.
Friday, May 13
Afternoon
Intense focus, regret, and fear intermingled to form a tension in the air that was palpable. The scratching of heads, frowns, thoughtful tapping of chins, and the chewing of lips was a common sight during exams. Luckily for Shujin Academy, it was the second to last day of exams. They were so close to being finished. An event that all manner of students, no matter how well or poorly performing, looked forward to.
Ren did a final lookover of his answer sheet. His name was properly written, followed by the date, the test version identifier, the test subject, and his class. All the basic, administrative stuff was clear. Next followed the answers. He'd already looked over them, either satisfied and confident with most, unsure with a few, or downright didn't know a couple. Changing any at this point wouldn't make much of a difference. What mattered was that he'd answered all the questions. Doing a quick scan of his paper, Ren confirmed that all the spaces were, in fact, filled in. He'd made enough silly, stupid mistakes with tests due to carelessness that he had to be thorough.
The past week or so had more or less led up to exams. The Thieves went to Mementos a couple more times since their initial entry, training and fulfilling requests if they were legit and doable. For whatever reason they couldn't pass a certain point. Morgana didn't know why, and there had been no sign or indication as to how they could progress. The Shadows they encountered became increasingly less suitable for training. They had a method of dealing with each type of Shadow they fought, so much that it became routine and almost thoughtless. Ren was afraid they'd get careless with how mechanical it became. They'd run into something they weren't used to and pay the price. That pretty much ended their Mementos trips for the time being.
Exams on the horizon was as good a reason as any to take a break from Thieving, anyways. While their… extracurricular activities had moral and ethical reasons for their continuation, their personal lives had to take priority at some point. Unless something dire popped up on their radar, they were taking a brief break. Ren and Ryuji were already on the bad side of most of the staff and had to keep their heads out of the water so as to not draw even more ire and attention. The less eyes on them the better.
A single group study session was all they had time for before exams hit. Ann was exceptional at English, something that was hardly surprising given that her parents worked in America. Every other subject, however, was up in the air with her. And Ryuji was… a special case. Moaning and groaning about exams more than actually studying and unsurprisingly a disaster in almost every subject. Ren hoped that at least some of his pointers and tutoring had helped.
The school bell finally rang its jaunty tune, followed by the sound of pencils being put down and sighs of both relief and effort as exams were over for the day. Papers were passed forward, Ren taking the opportunity of Ann looking back to take his answer sheet to ask, "So, how'd it go?" Maybe it was a social faux pas to talk about exam performance right after it ended, but Ren couldn't help wanting to know his friend's thoughts.
"Really?" Ann rolled her eyes but answered all the same. "It was alright. I'm sure I didn't fail anything so far, at least."
"I'm sure you did great, Lady Ann," Morganna purred from Ren's desk. Ren couldn't help but peek nervously at his neighbors to see if they noticed. Thankfully their backs were turned and they were caught up in a conversation.
"Thanks Morganna," Ann said despite not being able to see her partner in conversation. Her eyes went to Ren. "How about you?" She sighed and placed a hand on her head. "No, nevermind, don't answer that. I'm sure you did great. You seemed to be pretty on top of everything."
"Yeah well, there's a lot of time in the day," Ren gave her a small smile. He only wished Morgana would lay off on his bed time. Surely he could afford to stay up a couple more hours every now and then. Ren's smile faded as a thought came to mind. Or a person, more accurately. "Think Ryuji's alright?"
Ann placed her fingers on her temples like she was in pain. "Don't even ask. I can almost see him foaming at the mouth right now."
"Oh man, are we almost done?"
They both turned to look at the stranger in their classroom, drawing looks of disdain as their dyed blonde haired friend approached them, looking more downtrodden than usual.
"Speak of the devil and he doth appear," Ren muttered as he gave his friend a head nod in greeting. "How'd you do?"
Ryuji's frown deepened. "Man, do we gotta talk 'bout the specifics right now? Come on! Tests are done for the day! Let's get outta here and grab a meal."
"Can't leave yet, we have an assembly. Remember?" Ann reminded them. To be honest it had completely skipped Ren's mind.
"Ah shit, that's right." Apparently… Well, unsurprisingly, Ren corrected, Ryuji had forgotten too. "Any idea what it's about?"
"No idea," Ann shrugged. "Although I did hear some people talking about our school hiring a therapist."
Ren raised an eyebrow. "A therapist?" It was probably just a public relations move by the principal, if Ren had any insight as to how the man operated. Surely this therapist was second-rate and just here to collect a paycheck.
Ryuji snorted. "Yeah, lotta good that's gonna do us now."
Ann shrugged noncommittally. "I don't know… I might give it a shot just to see what it's like." Her eyes grew distant as she saw something else. "Maybe I could ask if they would go talk to Shiho…"
A moment of respectful silence passed between them before Kawakami entered the classroom.
"Sakamoto? What are you doing here?" Kawakami's hard gaze immediately found the outlier and she pointed at the door. "Go back to your class, we're going to the assembly."
Ryuji's shoulders slumped, a defeated sigh escaping him. "Yes, ma'am."
"What was that?"
"Yes, Kawakami-sensei," Ryuji said clearly as he shuffled his feet out of the classroom.
"Since that unfortunate circumstance, I have heard many concerns that I simply could not bear to ignore…"
Ren couldn't stop the slow inhale that prepared him for the annoying words that the principal said, and would no doubt continue, to say.
"At Shujin, we believe the mental health of our student body to be of the utmost importance-"
Sure, buddy. That's news to me. If they had truly cared they would have addressed the Kamoshida issue before it detonated in their faces.
"So we've acquired the services of a therapist." He gestured off to the side, inviting them onto the stage. "Doctor?"
Ren watched as a tall, bespectacled man with wavy brown hair stride onto the stage. He was dressed in smart casual attire, donning a white doctor's coat. The man cleared his throat away from the microphone before giving the assembly a smile.
One that apparently had some girls swooning.
"Oh my gosh, he's so hot."
"He can give me a check up anytime."
"I'm sure he can do more than just chat with that mouth of his."
Ren did his best to ignore the increasingly spicy comments his peers started to make. Though Ren could see the man was indeed handsome.
"It's my pleasure to meet you all. I'm Doctor Maruki Takuto. I'd like to offer my thanks to the staff and all of you for welcoming me to Shujin," the doctor bowed, smacking his head into the mic and sending an ear piercing screech through the stereo system that caused everyone to flinch.
After the shock wore off giggles quickly engulfed the gymnasium. In good heart, it would seem.
"A sexy voice and adorably clumsy?"
"My type of man."
"Mhmmm…"
Teenage hormones were insane.
Dr. Maruki took it all in a stride or was oblivious, chuckling at his own awkwardness as he rubbed his forehead. "And please, there's no need to be formal with me. I'm here to provide counsel and ensure that you are all comfortable. Oh… but don't come to me for financial advice," the doctor scratched the back of his head, a bashful smile on his face. "I'm… not too good with money."
A couple chuckles and snickers came from the students as the principal rolled his eyes and more or less physically removed the doctor from the microphone. His voice was thick with sarcasm. "Yes, thank you, Dr. Maruki. Now onto the next-"
"Ya'll ever expect this place to give a shit about our mental health?" Ryuji scoffed, throwing a disdainful glare at the school wall like it was responsible.
Ann shrugged, twirling a pigtail with a hand. "We did make the national news. They probably just figured they'd look even worse if they didn't address the problem."
"Yeah," Ren snorted. "If it didn't have anything to do with reputation they wouldn't have made any moves."
"Hey," Ann said pointedly and with a bit of an edge. "It's unfortunate things had to go the way they did, but at least they're trying to do right. Even if it may not be for the best reasons."
Ren sighed, jaw clenching. "You're right. Just sucks that the right thing can't be done in the first place."
"Well, that's what makes the world what it is, right? People not doing the right thing…" Ryuji muttered, a bit crestfallen.
"Don't get all depressed on me, guys," Ann said with an unusual cheer. "That's what we're trying to fix, right? Make the world a better place by doing the right thing?"
That brought a smile to Ren's face. "Yeah, it is."
Ryuji leaned against the wall, arms folded. "Think that doc will actually do us any good? Seemed to make a fool of himself on stage, if you ask me."
Ann winced as she looked over Ryuji's shoulder.
Ren turned and saw the doctor not ten feet away from them. In the sparsely occupied hall Ren had little doubt the man had heard Ryuji's last comment.
The doctor gave them a charming smile, a hand raised in greeting as he approached their group. "Hello there. You're…" the doctor's voice trailed off as he pointed at each of them. "Takamaki-san, Sakamoto-kun, and… Amamiya-kun, right?"
They all stiffened.
"How do you know our names?" Ryuji's eyes narrowed.
"Oh," the doctor's smile shrank a little, looking embarrassed. "The staff informed me of certain students. Particularly those that had… previous interactions with Kamoshida-sensei."
"Don't call him that," Ann's eyes winced as if she'd been struck.
"Right…" the doctor spoke slowly, measuring his words carefully. "My apologies for bringing up some painful memories."
"So what'd ya come to us for?" Ryuji asked, straight to the point and pushing the conversation another direction. Ann shot him a silent 'thank you.'
"I simply wanted to tell you that my door is always open… to you three in particular. I imagine it must have been quite difficult for all of you. If you're interested in counseling I am more than happy to speak with you."
"Nope, not at all," Ryuji replied quickly and uninterested.
"Huh?" the doctor looked shocked, as if this wasn't the outcome he was expecting.
"Dude… you really think every person wants to talk 'bout their problems?" Ryuji actually made a good point.
"It's not," the doctor recovered, chuckling. "I'm just surprised that you said it so emphatically. Ah!" The doctor's eyes lit up. He continued with a smug smile, his tone almost sing-song. "But, if you come to my office, I have free snacks. All you can eat! How about it?"
The expectant look he gave them made Ren pinch his nose. "Forgive me, doctor. But don't think you can lure people into your counseling services with the prospect of treats. We're not kids."
"Ah, but you see Amamiya-kun, you are only partially correct," the doctor nodded as if he had him all figured out. "By the means of physiological and biological development, you are correct. But what you're experiencing is very common. You see, the teenage years are a very confusing stage of development. You are, in fact, still developing emotionally and physically, not yet fully developed in either. Growing rapidly, yes, but still prone to childlike behaviors and tendencies."
Ren's jaw couldn't stay closed as he stared at the doctor. No way what he just said was true. Besides, that was basically calling them immature brats!
"Ah yes, see? Now you're thinking that I believe you are nothing more than children who are trying to be adults. But believe me, I know how difficult it is. I've been there- we've all been there. You want nothing more than to be treated with respect and be given responsibilities, and that's completely normal. And you will… in time," the doctor patted him on the arm before growing serious. "But… to be honest I was explicitly asked to provide counseling to the students directly involved with-" the doctor paused, glancing at Ann who was watching him. "The incident. It's in the school's best interest."
"Ahhh," Ryuji hummed, rolling his eyes. "The school's interest, huh? Of course it is."
What Ryuji was insinuating seemed to go right over the doctor's head. "I know being open with a stranger such as myself can be difficult at first. But I promise you talking to someone uninvolved can be helpful and enlightening. I know making this mandatory won't do any of you good, as much as the school pressures me into doing so. I just want to let you know that therapy can help guide you through troubling and trying times, even long after. It will arm you with the mindset, tools to get a handle on your emotions, and mental fortitude to live your life with the trauma you've experienced."
Ren wasn't sure if it was true, but the doctor could give a pretty good speech.
"As a side, I'll even teach you methods of improving concentration. Or even ways to not get nervous on dates!"
Ren immediately retracted his previous thought. This man was a disaster. The uncertain "uhhhhhhh" coming from Ann at least told him she was with him on this one. Ryuji continued to give the doctor the unimpressed look he'd been the whole time.
"There's also snacks~"
"Alright, alright!" Ryuji threw his hands into the air, completely fed up. "No more talkin' 'bout the snacks! We get it!"
"So how about it?" The doctor met Ren's eyes and held them.
Ren paused, contemplating. He'd never been to therapy- never considered it, to be honest. Talking to a stranger would be weird, but that's what his two friends here were before, right? How different was that? The sincerity? The intimacy? The professionalism?
Ann placed a hand on both their shoulders, giving them a small shake. "Come on, you two. It couldn't hurt to try."
Ann was right… it couldn't hurt to just try. There was something about the doctor that told Ren he could learn a thing or two. Maybe it was the easy smile on the man's face, but Ren felt inclined to agree. So he did. "Alright, I'll stop by sometime."
Ryuji sighed, scratching his head. "Guess we have to. Might keep attention off us."
"Great!" Dr. Maruki beamed, smile wide and, to Ren's surprise, genuine. "I'll be in the nurses' office whenever you want to stop by, starting today after school. I'll only be around until November, but I promise I'll do my best to help all of you in the time we have, like I do with all my clients." The doctor held out a hand. "It will be a pleasure working with you."
Ren took it and shook.
After School
Ann found herself sitting across from Dr. Maruki on one of the arm chairs, a hand nervously twirling one of her pigtails while the other clenched and unclenched. She'd come here right after class and, luckily or not, the doctor was free.
She still didn't know what she was going to talk about. Ann wasn't even sure if she wanted to talk at all. What she had going on was for her to deal with- a responsibility and burden she had to shoulder. It wasn't something she had to lay on others for them to worry about… much less worry about her. It wasn't right.
"Take your time and relax, Takamaki-san," Dr. Maruki patiently coached. "We're in no rush, okay? I'm only here to listen if you wish to talk."
"Thank you, doctor," Ann answered, still feeling the nerves in her fingertips. "I just, um… don't really know what to do? This is my first time just… talking with a therapist, I guess."
Dr. Maruki's smile was knowing as he nodded a couple times. "I understand. I'm surprised you stopped by on the first day. Not many people work up the courage to do that. If you don't mind me asking, what is it your parents do?"
"They work in fashion," Ann answered, happy to be given an easy topic. "They're kinda well-known in that world. They mostly work in America, but they've been all over- France, Spain, Italy… It's really cool!"
The doctor's eyes widened, impressed. "You must be quite proud."
Ann smiled, embarrassed. "Yeah, I… I guess I am." She felt a lot better, now. Comfortable, she supposed. "If there is one thing I want to talk about though… It's uh… kind of a long story."
Dr. Maruki made a show of looking at his watch before giving her a smile. "Luckily for both of us it seems I have the time. Go at your own pace, please."
Ann nodded and began to retell her tale. The initial problems with Kamoshida, Shiho jumping, her rage and anger, Kamoshida confessing, her current situation with Shiho, it all came flowing out. She even confessed that she initially wanted Kamoshida to die, but after the fact she realized that that wasn't the right thing. Things she hadn't spoken to anyone about, not even the other Thieves, were uttered from her mouth. Fears and anxieties that she never gave voice to, her wishes of the ideal outcome, and what she wanted for the future.
Ann wasn't sure how long she was talking, but her mouth grew dry and she didn't stop to drink, fearing that if she did she wouldn't be able to continue. She felt her pulse in her fingers as her tale went on, her head pounding as her eyes seemed to focus on something oh so very far away. She was faintly aware that Dr. Maruki's eyes never left her, however. He was listening to every word she said.
She finally took a deep breath after she'd finished, not realizing just how oxygen-deprived she was after focusing on talking rather than breathing. The air filled her lungs and she held it for a second longer before exhaling explosively. She finally took her cup and drank deeply, swirling it around her dry mouth before swallowing. She set it down on the table, blinking rapidly and wiping her eyes when she realized they were welling up with tears. God, this was embarrassing… but it felt cathartic.
Dr. Maruki didn't say anything for a few moments after she'd regained her bearings. His eyes, while still kind and understanding, had developed a hard edge. It faded as he spoke, however. "You know, Takamaki-san, you are quite wise and level-headed. I don't mean to speak in regards to your age, but even by adult standards it is quite impressive."
Ann searched his eyes for any flattery or deception in the doctor's eyes, frowning when she saw none. He was being genuine with his compliment. That was new. "I… think you're exaggerating," she deflected, unsure of what else to do.
Dr. Maruki was shaking his head, a rueful smile on his face now. "No, I'm not. As a matter of fact you are much wiser than I was at your age. Heck, you're even more mature than some adults I know."
Ann sighed, eyes downcast. "It's not like I did anything special though. I was just… dealt a bad hand, I suppose."
"But you see, Takamaki-san," Dr. Maruki leaned forward, making her eyes meet his. "We're all dealt a bad hand at some point. How you handle that bad hand is what makes the difference. Do you bluff? Do you fold? Do you go all in? Some methods end with different results."
Ann chewed her lip, contemplating what the doctor said and finding herself agreeing. "I think… if I hadn't gone through my own hell, I don't think I'd be as mature as you think I am. And I don't regret the choices I made after."
The doctor smiled at that, nodding. "I dare say I agree." He leaned back and Ann felt the tension in the air turn hopeful, even. "You mentioned a few things you wanted earlier. Can you elaborate further on that?"
"Right now I'm just…" Ann sighed, shaking her head. "I'm just hoping Shiho will quickly get better. We both… suffered a lot. I really just want to get back to where we could laugh and have fun together again." Ann smiled softly as memories came flooding in. Everything would be perfect if she could have her best friend back. "Just like old times."
"That sounds delightful," Dr. Maruki agreed, Ann catching something in his eyes before it flickered away. Longing?
"I mean, it certainly would have been better if nothing happened at all but… I learned a lot, you know? It may seem callous or morbid but… I'm kinda glad it happened. Even if it still stings," Ann's voice trailed off, feeling the piercing sensation in her chest that she referred to strike her then and there.
"I understand. It's a valuable learning experience and one that will shape who you are," Dr. Maruki smiled at her. "And you'll be all the better for it. All you can do is learn what you can and continue forward." He chuckled as a thought occurred to him. "It's not like we can erase all the bad that's happened, right?"
Ann knowingly smiled. While the Thieves couldn't erase all the bad they could at least do something. They could save those like them. "If only we could, then everyone would be so much happier."
Dr. Maruki looked at his watch, shocked. "Oh, I'm sorry it seems I lost track of time. I apologize but I have to keep these sessions within a certain time frame so I can see other students." He met her eyes and the kind smile was back. "I hope this has been a fruitful encounter for you, Takamaki-san. I know this has been enlightening to me, personally."
"Thank you, Dr. Maruki," Ann said, meaning it. She felt a lot better. "I think this was good for me."
"I'm glad," Dr. Maruki stood, smoothing out the wrinkles in his coat. "My door is always open if you wish to speak again."
Ann nodded as she gathered her bag. "I'll keep that in mind." She threw him a wink and enjoyed how the doctor reddened as she grabbed a pastry from the basket near the door. "Thanks for the snack!"
Ren rubbed the fringe of his hair between his fingers, enjoying the sensation even though the fact he was doing it escaped him. He'd just confirmed with Mishima that their little escapades in Mementos were having the intended effect on their marks. They were making a difference. Maybe not the big one they wanted to but to someone it was the world.
It still struck him as odd that Mishima was in charge of the "Phansite," the moniker for Phantom Aficionado Site. Ren dismissed the thought almost as soon as it came. As long as it benefited them and still kept others away from their activities he'd continue to tap into what resources he could.
His mind wandered back to Ann, who had looked better than Ren had ever seen her with the exception of Kamoshida confessing after Dr. Maruki's session. She looked content… something that Ren wasn't expecting to see any time soon given what she had been through. It gave further weight to her words that the therapy with Dr. Maruki was helpful. She'd even gone so far to tell him he should go right now. He'd bounced the idea around for a minute before she reminded him that the Thieves had no plans today. Not that she was fully aware of how busy his schedule was.
That led him to walking down the stairs and down the hall to the nurses office. He half expected there to not be any line or a line that stretched the entire corridor. It surprised him when there was just a single student outside the nurses office speaking to the doctor in the open. Doubly so when he noticed the student's red hair was fashioned into a ponytail with a bright red ribbon.
Ren stopped in the middle of the hallway, uncertain as to whether this was a conversation he had any right to both overhear and walk into. His trepidation was brushed aside as the two noticed him and waved him over.
"Hello, Senpai," Yoshizawa-san greeted him with sunshine and cheer, her smile brightening as Ren greeted her. She looked at the doctor then at Ren. "Are you here for a session?"
"I suppose so," Ren responded, analyzing the doctor from head to toe.
"He's a wonderful counselor," Yoshizawa-san claimed, sending the doctor her gratitude with her eyes. "I've actually been under his care for a while."
"You over exaggerate, Yoshizawa-san. I'm hardly anything special," the doctor flustered, clearly not used to professional compliments. "But that aside, you two are acquainted?"
"Yep! Although only recently," Yoshizawa-san said, bashful. Her phone buzzed and she frowned, pulling it out before sighing. "I'm sorry, I have to go."
"Practice?" Dr. Maruki said in more of a statement than a question.
Yoshizawa-san nodded before bowing to each of them in turn. "Sensei, Senpai, I'll see you later!" She gave a small wave and she was skipping away, Ren's eyes following.
"I can't say I was expecting you two to already know each other," Dr. Maruki said offhandedly before waving it off. "Anyways, I take it you're here for a session?"
"I suppose so," Ren repeated noncommittally before following the doctor into the office.
Ren hadn't been inside the nurses' office before, and it was quite different from the one at his old school. The one he'd known had been simple and barebones, a small medicine cabinet and a series of beds with the basics of medical examination equipment. Shujin was different. The medical equipment was modern and there were some Ren didn't recognize, although he could guess their intended uses. Ren couldn't help but be impressed by the well stocked medicine cabinets. He wondered if he'd be able to snag a few. Near the entrance was a sofa, a couple lounge chairs, and a coffee table. An assortment of treats sat in the middle of the table and on top of a nearby cabinet.
The doctor sat on one of the lounge chairs, placing a cup of tea on the table and motioning to the sofa across from him. Ren set down his bag and sat as straight as a rod, his eyes tracking every movement Dr. Maruki made.
Dr. Maruki chuckled nervously. "Can't say I'm used to being stared at like that."
Ren gave him a stiff smile. "Apologies. Bad habit."
"Well, thank you for coming, Amamiya-san. I know it is challenging to approach something new."
"I would have had to come eventually. But curiosity prompted me to come earlier than I originally thought," Ren admitted, leaning back into the chair and throwing an arm over the back rest.
The doctor laughed at the dichotomy of Ren's casual posture and carefully selected words. "I will try to make sure it's worth the hassle," Dr. Maruki promised before his expression grew a tad more serious. "Full disclosure, the school gave me a rundown of the circumstances leading up to your transfer here-" Ren nodded, it was to be expected. "Did you have to force yourself to accept everything that happened?"
Ren frowned, eyes questioning. "I'm sorry, doctor, I don't quite understand the question."
"I suppose what I'm trying to ask is if you are convincing yourself to accept what happened," the doctor clarified. "Whether you're in denial."
The question elicited a raised eyebrow. "What other option is there but to come to accept the reality of the situation?" Ren paused before answering his own question. "I suppose I could have remained in denial, continued to wonder why it happened, and feel sorry for myself. I will admit I still do wonder and at times it can get overwhelming. If I'm not careful it rapidly declines into a slippery slope and I find myself paralyzed by the stress. But I have also come to appreciate the opportunities it has presented and the people I could meet that I wouldn't have otherwise."
Dr. Maruki nodded, mulling over Ren's words. "A positive outlook, and an admirable one. It seems like you're well on the path of coming to terms with it. If you don't mind, could you explain the situation that took place from your perspective? I've read the official report, but I want to hear it from you. What happened that night?"
"Long story, doc," Ren mused, not too keen on where this was going.
Dr. Maruki smiled at the similarity to his previous session. He even made the act of looking at his watch again. "We have time."
Ren chewed on his lip, looking around the room for an escape. Finding none, he resigned himself with a sigh. "I'll try and keep it brief."
He tried. He really did. But at the prompting of the doctor's questions at particular moments of his story he elaborated on what he felt at the time and how he felt about it currently, it turned into a much more long winded story than Ren's extended version.
"What do you think prompted you to do what you did that night?"
Finally, an easy question. "I couldn't stand the idea of looking away and letting that man do what he wanted to that woman. It was something I knew I'd regret so I did what I thought… what I knew was the right thing."
Dr. Maruki's voice was teasing. "How chivalrous of you."
"Didn't want to hate myself for the rest of my life," Ren brushed the bait aside, not interested in razzing at the moment.
"And you don't regret it?"
Ren's eyes narrowed. "No."
Dr. Maruki took a few moments to measure Ren's words and disposition before grinning. "I must ask, what inspired you to have such mental resilience?"
"I…" Ren paused, he'd never really contemplated the reason why. "I don't really know, doctor."
"Then let me take a guess," Dr. Maruki seemed to particularly enjoy having this chance. "Your external and internal reality line up almost perfectly." Dr. Maruki grinned at Ren's evident confusion. "You already had this certain conception of yourself, an idea of how you should act and behave. That serves as a guideline for your actions and the way you think. Think of it as an ideal you that you would like to be. For some it can take the form of wanting to be a model student or a successful athlete. This is the internal reality, an idealized one. And the external reality is what actually takes place. Not everyone can ace their exams just like others can't be successful athletes that go pro. There's a dissonance- a gap- that can't be filled. This space is the source of a lot of people's pain."
"So it's the disappointment of being incapable of maintaining the standard one has set for themselves?" Ren thought out loud.
"Close," Dr. Maruki looked pleased regardless. "It's everything, not just disappointment. The anger, the regret, the fear. It can lead people to some dark places. Some people can't take the pressure and break." Dr. Maruki chewed his lip, eyes conveying pain. For who or what, Ren couldn't begin to guess. The doctor blinked and it was gone. "But you- you're standing up to it and are able to confront a tough, painful reality that few experience. I think that's due to how close your internal and external reality are to each other."
"I only do what I believe to be right," Ren whispered, staring into the gentle swirls of his tea cup.
"And the fact that that's who you want to be and are…" Dr. Maruki made sure Ren looked at him. "That's an incredible thing, Amamiya-san."
Ren scanned the man's eyes, unknowingly doing the same thing Ann did, for any trace of deception or flattery. There was none. Ren looked away. "I just hate to lose. Especially to myself."
"That attitude will get you far. Just be careful not to let it get out of hand," Dr. Maruki gave him a wink as he sipped from his tea. "You fascinate me, Amamiya-san. Not many can develop that mentality under such stress, much less in their teenage years of development. Most let emotion and the physiological effects of their hormones get the better of them but you managed to stay in control."
"At times," Ren thought back to the many times emotions had gotten the best of him.
That earned him a smile. "Still less than the majority, I wager. I have a proposition for you."
Ren raised an eyebrow, waiting for the doctor to continue.
"I'm actually doing some research on the side. I won't bore you with the details- I talk my friends ears off as is, and I won't subject you to that- but it's basically to learn more about people's internal reality. I want to use that to develop a new psychological treatment. I feel like you can offer a unique perspective."
"And what would I have to do?" Ren wasn't particularly well versed in psychology or even research. He knew how to read a research paper, sure, but that was the extent of it.
"I would just like a second opinion. See if your input can spark ideas or inspiration in me."
"You want your second opinion… to be from a high schooler…" Ren mused, a question lingering within his words.
"I suppose that does seem strange now that you mention it," Dr. Maruki muttered into his hand before giving Ren a bright smile. "But yes, I do. I feel that I can learn something significant from you."
Ren wondered if a psychologist's theories on internal reality could help in their understanding of the Metaverse. It was, according to Morgana, formed from the cognition of individuals. Perhaps this may be enlightening in more ways than one. He'd already made a deal with a doctor he considered to be the Devil herself. What was another to add to the mix? At least this one treated him as something other than a guinea pig. "You have yourself a deal, doctor."
A/N
Dr. Maruki finally makes his debut! A full chapter dedicated to him, and it's probably the last time that will happen for… a while. This chapter came easily to me, the last one was kind of a slog if I'll be honest. We'll see when the next chapter is done and I'll release it when it's ready.
I just want to thank all of you for reading this trainwreck of a fic. I know I'm inconsistent as all hell, but I really do appreciate each and every single one of you. I wouldn't have broken 100k without you. Hope you're all doing well. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you all think!
See you next time with our favorite art boi.