Loona sat at her desk, scrolling through her phone idly, when a portal opened on the ceiling in front of her, dumping out Blitzo, Benedict, Moxxie and Millie, who were covered in blood, guts, and various other fluids, with a significant portion of this gore being splashed onto Loona.
It had been a particularly messy job, even by I.M.P standards. Loona's expression went from bored to disgusted as the quartet of blood-soaked imps fell from the portal onto her desk and splattered her with all sorts of grotesque substances.
"Oh, for fuck's sake! Can't you guys ever come back clean?" Loona groaned, wiping the gooey mess off her face with the back of her hand.
"Ah, it's all in a day's work, Loony!" Blitzo cheerfully remarked, grinning despite the filth covering him.
Benedict, however, wasn't in the mood for Blitzo's usual antics. "I told you we needed to be more prepared for this one. Now we have to deal with this mess." He grumbled, pointing at the now tarnished office.
Blitzo waved him off dismissively. "Oh, relax, Ben. It's not that bad. Besides, we're celebrating tonight!"
"Uh, celebrating what?" Moxxie asked, puzzled.
Blitzo's eyes sparkled with excitement. "We're going to that dive bar I mentioned a while back, the one we couldn't go to last time because it was your lovey-dovey anniversary." He said, nudging Moxxie playfully.
Moxxie blushed slightly, but then his expression turned wary. "I don't know about that, Sir. We've had a rough day, and I'm not really in the mood for drinks."
"Honestly, I'd rather just go home and rest, maybe read a book." Benedict remarked, trying his best to get the gore off his coat.
Blitzo grabbed him by the arm. "Oh, come on, Ben! Live a little! You can read your books any other time. This is a chance for us to unwind and have some fun." Blitzo insisted, his grip firm.
"I really don't think it's a good idea," Benedict replied, trying to free himself from Blitzo's grasp.
"Too late! We're going!" Blitzo declared, dragging Benedict along towards the exit. "And don't even think about trying to escape. You're coming with us, whether you like it or not!"
. . .
As the group arrived at the dive bar, which according to the large neon sing outside was called the "Imp-aired Vision", Blitzo practically skipped through the door, and the others followed reluctantly. The bar was dimly lit, with a haze of cigarette smoke hanging in the air. Patrons sat at the worn-out stools, nursing their drinks and engaging in hushed conversations.
Blitzo spotted a table near the back of the bar and claimed it for the group. "Alright, my lovely I.M.P members, let's get this party started!" He exclaimed, slamming his hand on the table for emphasis.
"I still don't think this is a good idea." Benedict muttered, feeling increasingly uneasy about the situation.
"Nonsense! We need to celebrate our successful job and blow off some steam!" Blitzo proclaimed, before turning to the nearby waiter, a burly looking imp. "Gimme whatever the fuck's most likely to kill me!" He exclaimed, with the waiter pulling out a bottle of bright, neon greed liquid and a couple shot glasses.
"What's even in that?" Moxxie asked, concerned.
"Good question." The waiter responded, walking off towards some other table.
"Who cares? It's alcohol, and that's all that matters!" Blitzo replied with a mischievous grin, pouring himself a shot and downing it in one swift motion.
"I really don't think I should be drinking this stuff." Benedict interjected, but Blitzo wouldn't have any of it.
"Nonsense, my little cocktail virgin!" Blitzo chuckled, filling Benedict's shot glass. as Moxxie and Millie downed theirs. "You're going to drink, and you're going to enjoy it!"
Before Benedict could protest further, Blitzo shoved the shot glass into his hand. Feeling a mix of peer pressure and a desire not to upset his boss, Benedict hesitantly lifted the glass to his lips and downed the shot.
"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Blitzo laughed, pouring another round for the group.
Benedict coughed from the strong taste of the alcohol. "No, it's terrible." He grimaced.
Blitzo simply slapped him on the back cheerily. "You'll get used to it! Now let's get wasted!"
. . .
At first, Benedict tried to pace himself, but Blitzo's relentless enthusiasm and constant refills left him no chance to catch his breath. With each shot, he felt the alcohol's effects creeping up on him, his normally stoic demeanor beginning to crack.
Moxxie and Millie were holding up better, though they were still feeling the effects. Moxxie's face was flushed, and he couldn't help but shoot flirty glances at his wife, who was giggling more than usual.
"Hey, Millie, you know I love you, right? Like, really love you." Moxxie slurred, attempting to lean in for a kiss, but Millie playfully pushed him away.
"I love you too, Moxxie, but maybe let's wait until we're not surrounded by Blitzo and Benedict." Millie chuckled.
"Please, continue! Do something kinky!" Blitzo yelled eagerly, filming them with a camcorder.
Benedict glared at Blitzo, who was now chuckling uncontrollably while filming the drunken antics of his teammates. "This is ridiculous." Benedict muttered. "Why did I let you talk me into this?"
"Aw, come on, Ben! Lighten up!" Blitzo snorted, slapping his back. "You need to learn to relax and have some fun. Loosen up, buddy!"
"I don't want to 'loosen up.' I'm perfectly fine the way I am." Benedict retorted, his voice growing more stern.
"Ah, you're just a grumpy little guy." Blitzo teased, poking Benedict's cheek playfully.
Benedict slapped Blitzo's hand away, his patience wearing thin. "Can we please just enjoy our drinks and go home? I'm not feeling well."
"Heh, no way, grumpy pants." Blitzo replied with a smirk.
Meanwhile, Millie was giggling at Moxxie's attempts to be extra affectionate. "You're so cute when you're drunk, Mox." She cooed, wrapping an arm around him.
"I'm cute all the time!" Moxxie insisted with a tipsy grin.
"You're absolutely adorable." Millie agreed, pecking his cheek.
"Alright, enough of the lovey-dovey stuff!" Blitzo interjected, pointing the camera at them again. "Let's see some action!"
"You're incorrigible." Benedict mumbled under his breath.
"I swear, Sir, if you don't stop filming us, I'm going to shove that camera up your-" Moxxie's threat was interrupted by Millie placing a hand over his mouth.
"Jokes on you, I'm into that shit!" Blitzo yelled back.
. . .
As the night wore on, Benedict's tolerance for alcohol had reached its limit. He felt woozy, his vision blurred, and his words slurred. Every time he tried to protest, Blitzo would offer him another shot, and he felt too exhausted to resist.
Millie, on the other hand, was now stumbling, her speech slurred. "Hey, Moxxie, you know what I was thinking? We should totally- hic! Have a threesome with- Hic! Benedict here!"
There was a brief moment of silence. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" Blitzo angrily yelled, throwing the camera to the ground. "You two want to fuck this grumpy shit before doing it with me?!" He glared accusingly at Moxxie and Millie.
Moxxie's face turned beet red, and he stammered, "I... I never said that! I'm not interested in... uh, doing anything like that with Benedict."
"Good, 'cause I'm not interested either!" Benedict growled, his speech slurred from the drinks. He was feeling more and more miserable by the minute and couldn't believe the absurdity of the situation.
Millie let out a playful giggle, swaying slightly in her seat. "Aw, come on, guys! I was just kidding! Though... Benedict, you wouldn't be half bad in bed." She teased, winking at him.
Blitzo couldn't help but join in the teasing. "Yeah, Ben. Maybe you just need to get laid, and you won't be such a grumpy little shit all the time!" He laughed.
Benedict scowled, feeling a mix of annoyance and discomfort. "For the last time, I'm not interested in having sex with anyone! Can we please just drop this topic?"
Blitzo, taking this opportunity to poke fun at the grumpy imp, chimed in, "Oh, come on, Ben! You're telling me you wouldn't want to spend some quality time with my little imp here?" He gestured towards Millie with a devilish grin.
"Sir, that's my wife!" Moxxie interjected, trying to keep the situation from escalating further.
Blitzo pouted playfully. "Aw, you guys are no fun!" He then turned his attention back to Benedict. "But seriously, Ben, you're missing out. You're young, and you've got a pretty little ass. You should take advantage of that!"
Benedict's face flushed with embarrassment and anger. "Enough! I'm not interested in discussing my personal life or my ass with any of you!" He snapped, trying to maintain whatever dignity he had left.
Blitzo erupted into laughter, thoroughly amused by Benedict's discomfort. "Oh, come on, Ben! Lighten up! We're just having a bit of fun." He chuckled, slapping Benedict on the back again, making him wince.
"Can't we talk about something else? Anything else?" Benedict pleaded, feeling the weight of the alcohol taking its toll on his usually disciplined mind.
Blitzo considered it for a moment before grinning mischievously. "Alright, how about a drinking game? Truth or dare, anyone?" He suggested, his eyes gleaming with excitement.
Millie, now fully embracing the drunken revelry, clapped her hands excitedly. "Ooh, a drinking game! That sounds like fun! I'm in!"
Moxxie sighed but reluctantly agreed. "Alright, I guess it could be a good distraction."
"I suppose I have no choice then." Benedict grumbled.
Blitzo turned to Moxxie. "Alright, you're up! Truth or dare?"
Moxxie hesitated for a moment before deciding, "Truth."
Blitzo leaned in, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Alright, Moxxie. Spill the beans! What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done with Millie?"
Moxxie blushed furiously. "Sir, that's none of your business!" He stammered, glancing at Millie, who was laughing at his embarrassment.
Blitzo chuckled. "Oh, come on, Moxxie, ya' little perv! I know you do some messed up shit!"
Moxxie hesitated for a moment longer before finally conceding with a sheepish grin. "Fine, fine. One time, we tried out some... Bondage." He admitted, his face turning even redder.
Blitzo let out a boisterous laugh, clapping his hands together. "Oh, I knew it! You two are freaks!" He exclaimed, thoroughly entertained.
Millie smirked, not one to back down from a challenge. "Dare!" She declared, her eyes twinkling with mischief.
Blitzo grinned, clearly enjoying himself. "Alright, Millie, I dare you to give Benedict here a lap dance!"
Benedict's eyes widened, and he blushed deeply. "What? No! I'm not doing that!" He protested, his words slurring more than usual due to the alcohol.
"Oh, can it, ya' prude! It'll be fun!" Blitzo encouraged, pushing Millie playfully towards Benedict.
Millie laughed and winked at Benedict. "Don't be such a party pooper, Benedict. It's all in good fun!" She teased, placing a hand on his shoulder and swaying her hips provocatively.
Benedict tried to resist, but Blitzo's incessant cheering and Millie's infectious enthusiasm were too much for him.
As the music blared from the bar's speakers, Millie moved in rhythm, teasingly trailing her fingers along Benedict's arm. Benedict felt completely out of his element, blushing even more as he tried to maintain some semblance of composure.
Blitzo, of course, was laughing uproariously, capturing the whole scene with his camera. "This is priceless! Keep going, Millie!" He encouraged, goading her on.
Moxxie was trying his best to hide his jealousy, but the sight of his wife giving a lap dance to Benedict was clearly bothering him.
Finally, Millie finished, stepping back with a triumphant grin. "There you go, Benedict! Did you enjoy that?" She asked teasingly.
Benedict was flustered, trying to regain his composure. "No, I did not enjoy that. I would have preferred not to participate in this ridiculous game at all." He grumbled, avoiding eye contact with anyone.
Blitzo continued to laugh, thoroughly amused by the whole spectacle. "Oh, come on, Ben! You've gotta admit, it was kinda fun!" He teased, patting Benedict's shoulder.
"Fun for who?" Benedict muttered under his breath, but Blitzo ignored his comment.
Amidst the raucous laughter and drinks, Blitzo's eyes sparkled with mischief as an idea formed in his mind. He turned to Benedict, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "Alright, Benny boy, it's your turn now. Truth or dare?"
Benedict sighed, his tolerance for Blitzo's antics wearing thin. "Truth."
"Eh, that's fuckin' boring." Blitzo ignored Benedict's words completely. "I dare you to go onstage and sing your heart out!"
Benedict narrowed his eyes at Blitzo's suggestion. "I'm not doing that. I don't sing."
"Oh, come on, Ben! Live a little! It's just a bit of fun." Blitzo urged, nudging him again.
"I said no!" Benedict snapped, his annoyance reaching its peak. He was sick of Blitzo's relentless pestering and the alcohol's effect on his temper didn't help.
Blitzo's grin widened, his eyes glinting with mischief. "What's the matter, Benny boy? Scared you'll embarrass yourself?" He taunted.
That was it. Benedict felt the last shred of his patience snap. He stood up abruptly, slamming his hands on the table. "Fine! I'll do it, just to prove how ridiculous this whole night is!" He spat, glaring at Blitzo.
Blitzo laughed triumphantly, clapping his hands together. "Great! This is going to be hilarious!"
With a begrudging scowl, Benedict made his way to the stage. The bar's patrons watched with curiosity as he took the microphone in hand, a mix of amusement and skepticism in their eyes.
(Song Starts)
Benedict: An open song to the fat, Arrogant, Anti-charismatic national embarrassment, Known as Blitzo from I.M.P!
Blitzo: Shit!
Benedict: The man's irrational, He claims that I'm in league, with Verosika in some vast inter-company sex scene? Bitch please!
Benedict continued to sing, his voice surprisingly decent despite the awkwardness of the situation.
Benedict: You wouldn't know what I'm doing. You're always going berserk, but ya' never show up to work. Give my regards to whomever, next time you complain about my lack of social compass. At least I do my job up in this rumpus.
Blitzo's face contorted with a mix of surprise and annoyance as the lyrics hit too close to home. He crossed his arms, trying to maintain his usual cool demeanor, but the jab clearly bothered him.
Blitzo: Alright, alright! That's enough! You made your point!
But Benedict was in the zone now, fueled by his pent-up frustrations. He wasn't about to let Blitzo off the hook.
Benedict: The line is behind me, I crossed it again while that idiot lost it again. Aw, such a rough life, It's so full of strife, Now he's locked in his office again.
Blitzo: Ugh, that's private!
Benedict: Let me ask you a question, who sits at your desk when you're not giving two shits? They were calling you a dick since you were fucking the prince, And you haven't done anything new since. You're a nuisance with no sense, you will die of irrelevance.
Blitzo: Okay, okay, that's enough! We get it!
Despite Blitzo's protests, the bar patrons were laughing and cheering, enjoying the impromptu performance and the insults being thrown around. The atmosphere in the bar had shifted from curious skepticism to raucous entertainment.
Benedict: Go ahead, you can call me the devil, You aspire to my level, You inspire to malevolence!
Benedict: I don't care if I kill my career with this dare, It's about time for you to learn! You fat motherfucker!
(Song Ends)
Benedict's performance received a mix of cheers and laughter from the bar's patrons, but he paid them no mind. As the song ended, he dropped the microphone and staggered off the stage, feeling a rush of embarrassment and anger flooding through him.
He could hear Blitzo's voice trying to call him back, but he didn't care. He pushed his way through the crowd, ignoring the confused and amused glances from the bar's patrons. The alcohol had taken its toll on him, and the combination of his embarrassment and Blitzo's constant harassment had pushed him over the edge.
Benedict stumbled out of the bar, feeling sick to his stomach from the alcohol and the emotional turmoil. He staggered to a nearby alley and leaned against the wall, trying to steady himself. His head was spinning, and he felt a wave of nausea wash over him. He stayed there for a few moments, before collecting himself and beginning to stagger home.
. . .
Finally reaching his spartan apartment, Benedict stumbled inside and collapsed onto the couch. The room was spinning, and he felt utterly miserable. He had never been this drunk before, and he couldn't believe he had let it happen.
Just when he thought the night couldn't get any worse, he felt a sudden urge to vomit. Rushing to the bathroom, he barely made it to the toilet before emptying the contents of his stomach.
After what felt like an eternity, he flushed the toilet and splashed some water on his face, trying to clear the fog in his mind. He looked in the mirror.
Benedict's reflection stared back at him, a disheveled and defeated version of himself. His usually well-kept hair was a mess, his eyes were bloodshot, and several liquids stained his clothes.
He looked like shit.
He staggered out of his bathroom and collapsed into bed, not even bothering to change out of his clothes, or even take off his jacket, passing out.
. . .
The next morning, Benedict woke up with a pounding headache and a profound sense of regret. The events of the previous night replayed in his mind, and he cringed at the memory of his drunken outburst at the bar.
Dragging himself out of bed, Benedict stumbled towards the kitchen, hoping that a cup of strong coffee would help ease his hangover.
Benedict shuffled around his kitchen, trying to make coffee with shaky hands. As he fumbled with the coffee maker, he couldn't help but mutter to himself, "Stupid Blitzo and his stupid dares..."
The smell of brewing coffee filled the air, and Benedict took a deep breath, hoping it would provide some relief from the pounding headache. He poured himself a mug and took a sip, wincing at the bitter taste.
"Ugh, this tastes like shit." He grumbled, but he drank it anyway, knowing he needed the caffeine to function.
. . .
Benedict trudged into the I.M.P office, clutching his coffee cup and looking disheveled. Despite his hangover, he made it to work on time. Moxxie and Millie had gotten there before him and were sitting on the tattered green couch in the room, and Bltizo and Loona were yet to be seen.
Benedict tossed his briefcase onto his desk, that was shoved in the corner and had an old fashioned typewriter on it, and slumped down into the seat.
Moxxie glanced at Benedict sympathetically. "Hey, Benedict, about last night, I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you so hard." He said softly, genuinely feeling bad about how things had turned out.
Benedict waved him off dismissively, focusing on his work. "It's fine, Moxxie. It's not your fault. I should have known better than to drink that much." He replied, his voice slightly hoarse from the hangover.
Moxxie sighed, still feeling guilty about the whole situation. "Well, if you're not feeling well, maybe you should take the day off. You look like hell, Ben." He suggested, genuinely concerned.
Benedict merely raised an eyebrow. "Am I dead?"
"No, but-"
"Then I can work." Benedict gulped down the remainder of his coffee.
Moxxie gave Millie a pleading look, who simply shrugged in response.
The office door then swung open, and Blitzo sauntered in, wearing his usual grin and carrying a stack of papers. "Morning, my little Bitches!" He announced cheerfully, completely oblivious to Benedict's hangover. Loona walked past her and sat down in her chair, putting her feet up on the desk and staring at her phone.
Benedict winced at the loud greeting, trying his best to remain composed. "Good morning, sir." He replied, his voice slightly strained.
Blitzo plopped the stack of papers on Benedict's desk, completely ignoring the fact that his employee looked like he was about to keel over. He then walked over to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup, which he then proceeded to chug completely and chuck the empty mug behind him, shattering it against the wall.
As Blitzo finished chugging his coffee, a loud crash echoed through the office. Benedict turned his head to see a sinner barge in through the door, a wild look in his eyes. He was a balding, green skinned, sickly looking creature with a beer belly and a scruffy beard, wearing a tattered flannel shirt and ripped jeans.
"Are you I.M.P?!" He asked, his voice raggedy and panting.
Blitzo immediately jumped over to the sinner. Blitzo flashed his trademark grin, sizing up the frantic sinner. "You bet your scrawny ass we are! I.M.P at your service. What can we do for ya, bud?" he said, leaning casually on the sinners shoulder.
The sinner seized Blitzo by the shoulders and yelled into his face. "There's a pastor in a church in Texas. You know what he did to me?! You know what he put me through?!" He asked, eyes glinting with madness. "HE TRIPPED ME IN KINDERGARTEN!"
"Oh, boo-hoo!" Blitzo replied, feigning sympathy. "A little trip in kindergarten? Sounds like you're holding onto some serious grudges, buddy."
The sinner's grip on Blitzo tightened, and his eyes narrowed. "It's not just a little trip! It scarred me for life! I want that bastard dead!"
Blitzo chuckled, brushing off the sinner's hands. "Alright, alright. We get it. You want revenge. Lucky for you, that's kind of our thing. Just tell us where this pastor is, and we'll take care of him for you."
The sinner grinned manically, a sinister glint in his eyes. "Excellent. The church is in a small town called Hallelujahville, Texas. Just make sure that pastor pays for what he did to me!"
Blitzo gave him a devilish smile. "Consider it done, my friend. You can count on us!"
As the sinner left, Blitzo turned back to his team, an eager look on his face. "Alright, boys and girls, we've got ourselves a job! Looks like we're off to Texas!"
Moxxie raised an eyebrow. "You're taking this job seriously?"
"Of course! Childhood grudges are no joke." Blitzo replied. "Fuck you, Anna, you cock sucking whore!" He said to himself afterward, clearly salty about something.
. . .
The I.M.P crew stepped out of the portal, directly into the quaint little town of Hallelujahville, Texas. The sun was shining brightly, casting a warm glow over the peaceful streets lined with charming houses and flower-filled gardens. The church was just up the road, a standard, white building with stained glass windows.
Blitzo, not one to plan or strategize, immediately kicked open the doors of the church, interrupting the choir currently singing, his signature golden flintlock in hand, with the rest of the team following suit. The congregation looked back at them, stunned, before the lead choir singer coughed.
"Praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition." The choir sung in unison.
Upon hearing this, the churchgoers immediately started systematically pulling out passing around various guns, arming themselves.
"Praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition."
The churchgoers kept passing around weapons, with several nuns in the back tossing more guns to the crowd.
"Praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition and we'll all stay free!"
A couple church staff wheeled in an honest to god cannon from a hatch in the back of the church, that presumably lead to the cellar, and put it in between the rows of pews.
"Praise the lord, and swing into position."
They started flipping over pews and setting up makeshift barricades. The I.M.P crew merely watched in confusion and shock as this happened.
"Can't afford to sit around a wishin'. Praise the Lord, we're all between perdition, and the deep blue sea!"
As they finished the song, the churchgoers all aimed their weapons at the I.M.P crew, and the person next to the cannon held a flaming torch, ready to fire.
"Well, shit." Benedict said, breaking the silence and prompting the congregation into action.
Chaos erupted as the churchgoers opened fire, and the I.M.P crew quickly scattered to avoid the barrage of bullets and projectiles. Moxxie took cover behind a pew, expertly firing back with his dual pistols, while Millie charged headfirst, battleaxe in hand and swinging at the churchgoers, decapitating a few of them in a single swing.
Benedict leapt down and impaled a churchgoer with his rifle's bayonet, before leaping onto another and using them as a human shield, returning fire and taking out a couple of people, before throwing the corpse into another man, knocking him to the floor, and then proceeding to shoot him.
Blitzo, meanwhile, was perched on top of a churchgoer, who was flailing around and trying to get him off to little avail, recklessly firing his gun at the congregation, popping heads left and right, before a cannon ball knocked out the person under him, sending him crashing to the ground.
Amidst the chaos, Blitzo got back on his feet, rubbing his sore rear. "Damn it! Why does this always happen to me?" he grumbled, before joining the fray again, laughing maniacally as he shot and dodged bullets.
"Sir, I can't believe you dragged us into this mess!" Moxxie yelled over the cacophony of gunfire, taking cover behind a crumbling pillar.
Blitzo shrugged, firing back with his golden flintlock. "Hey, I didn't know they'd be armed to the teeth! Besides, it's all in good fun, right?"
"We're in Texas! Everyone's armed to the teeth!" Benedict yelled at him, who was in a shooting match with an old lady with a revolver. "By Lucifer's left testicle, lady! Can't we talk about this?" He yelled, trying to reason with her.
The elderly woman simply cackled maniacally, her aim unwavering. "I ain't gonna let no imp and his friends disrupt our sacred gathering! We'll defend our pastor and our church!"
"You're all batshit crazy!" Benedict yelled, before firing off a round that hit the woman's in the head, causing her to fall over, dead.
Blitzo simply shrugged, his eyes gleaming with excitement. "Hey, it's not every day we get to shoot up a church, right?"
"That's not something to be proud of!" Benedict retorted, narrowly dodging a bullet.
Meanwhile, Moxxie was busy trying to keep up with Millie, who was going on a berserker rampage, quite literally hacking the church members apart.
"Millie, slow down! We don't need to massacre everyone in the church!" Moxxie called after her, trying to keep her in check.
But Millie was in her element, fueled by the adrenaline and the rush of battle. "Sorry hun! This is too much fun!" She replied with a wild grin, swinging her battleaxe with deadly precision.
Amidst the chaos, Benedict spotted the pastor they were supposed to target, hiding behind the pulpit and clutching a Bible for dear life. Benedict let out an exasperated sigh and made his way towards the terrified pastor, firing his rifle to clear a path.
"Excuse me, sir, I just need a moment of your time." Benedict deadpanned as he approached, his rifle trained on the pastor.
The pastor trembled, his eyes wide with fear. "P-Please, I don't want any trouble!"
Benedict rolled his eyes. "Neither do I. I'm just here to carry out a job. You see, a certain individual has a rather... strong grudge against you."
The pastor's face turned even paler. "A grudge? What did I do?"
Benedict sighed. "Apparently, you tripped him in kindergarten."
"Tripped him? In kindergarten?" The pastor echoed, clearly bewildered by the absurdity of the situation.
"Yes, that's right." Benedict deadpanned, his annoyance evident. "And now he wants you dead."
The pastor's eyes widened in horror. "Dead? Over a trip from kindergarten? That's insane!"
Benedict shrugged nonchalantly. "Welcome to my life. Now, if you could just stand still for a moment, I'll make this quick and painless."
The pastor's voice trembled as he spoke. "Wait, please! Isn't there any other way? I promise, I'll make amends, I'll apologize for what I-"
But his pleas fell on deaf ears as Benedict shot him nonchalantly and turned back to the rest of the church, which was now covered in blood, various limbs, corpses, and shattered bits of Pew and other debris, with the remaining churchgoers all dead.
. . .
Loona sat at her desk, reading a magazine, when she got a text from Blitzo to open a portal.
She obliged, opening a portal, and a surge of gore and blood flew out along with the rest of the team, getting all over her for the second time in two days.
"Hi honey!" Blitzo greeted cheerily, seemingly unfazed by the mess he'd just made.
"Why do I even bother..." Benedict grumbled to himself as he grabbed a mop and got to work cleaning up the mess.
A/N:
Firstly, The song isn't mine, I modified the cut "The Adams Administration" Rap from Hamilton. Again, good song, check it out.
I'll be honest, not my proudest work. I've been on and off with this fanfic for a while now, which is why this took so long to get out. I'll probably take a hiatus from this for a decent while, since I've got other stuff to do. Regardless, this definitely isn't my best chapter, so tell me what you think/how I can improve it.