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One of Brittany's earliest and fondest memories was of sitting in front of the warm, inviting glow of a television screen, laughing at an old black and white sitcom. I Love Lucy. Her whole body shook with laughter as she watched screwball Lucy survive one ridiculous fiasco after another. That's when Brittany learned the power and importance of laughter.
There was something so simple and pure about the laughter of the studio audience that felt comforting to Brittany. She felt safe there, every night, watching the hijinks in all of the old reruns that played in the wee hours of the morning. The Mary Tyler Moore Show. The Dick Van Dyke Show. Bewitched. I Dream of Jeannie. Her favorite though? That would always be I Love Lucy. At five years old Lucille Ball was the definition of comedy to Brittany and at five years old that's what Brittany knew she wanted to be: funny.
Every evening she would let that comedy take her away to a time and a place where things were simple and easy. On TV no one ever yelled, no one ever hurt and every problem was easily resolved at the end of the half hour. Real life however? Well that was different.
There was no laugh track in Brittany's home life. She had a roof over her head and she'd never known starvation and in those ways she was very fortunate. But she did know pain. The pain of realizing not everyone lived happily ever after like they did on TV. Her parents' marriage wasn't like any of the ones she saw on those old sitcoms.
Most nights she'd listen to her mother and father scream at each other through her bedroom walls. No one ever raised a finger or a hand to each other, but still, Brittany always sensed something horrible in those screaming matches. A sort of seething anger and rage bubbling under the surface. When it came to how her mother and father spoke to each other, it was like words were weapons and whenever her parents used those weapons on each other, Brittany always felt like she was caught in the crossfire, even if it wasn't their intention. Listening to them argue like that always made her feel cold and scared but most of all, it made her feel alone. She didn't like being alone and so, she'd simply shut her bedroom door, get under her covers and turn her TV on.
If her parents had taught her that words could be used as a weapon, it was all of those old classic sitcoms that taught her that words could also make laughter. And laughter was the one thing Brittany learned early on that could make her feel safe and as she grew up she realized, if you could make people laugh, if you could always be in character, you would never be alone. Everyone wanted to be around the class clown, the life of the party.
Once she learned that there was no going back. So she studied all the greats that came before her, sure there was Lucy but there was also Mary Tyler Moore and Penny Marshall and Carol Burnett and Whoopi Goldberg and Lily Tomlin and Tina Fey and Margaret Cho and Amy Poehler on and on and on.
She learned to turn some internal switch on. The funny switch, a character switch. All those hours spent in front of her TV had taught her a few things. Timing. Pacing. Structure. The set up, the punchline, the pay off. The pay off being your audience's laughter. What most people didn't get, and what Brittany did, was that there was an art to being funny. It like everything else was a skill and it was a skill that helped her navigate the nightmare that was middle school and the awkwardness that was high school. If one was a little bit different or weird, it didn't matter, because if you learned how to disarm people with humor, they would be on your side. If you could make someone laugh, Brittany thought, it almost felt like adoration or acceptance.
During high school she got involved in the theater but she never had any interest in any of the dramatic roles, but in almost every play there was always that one character, that one role who functioned as the comic relief. A jester of sorts. Those were the roles Brittany was most interested in, the ones that had her bouncing on stage, acting like a goofball, pulling silly faces and saying silly things in order to make the audience laugh, giving them a small reprieve from the heartbreak and sorrow and drama going on in the rest of the story.
In high school she didn't care if she only played bit characters as long as the bit characters got the best laughs and Brittany, well, she always got the best laughs and each time she did her face and her heart lit up. Whether she was at a party doing impressions or in the cafeteria making people shoot soda out of their nose, she just knew this was what she was meant to do. Her brand of comedy was about being a weirdo. Brittany excelled at being a weirdo.
Sure she could have toiled away in community theater and local stand up but after she graduated she knew she had to get out of her small town if she was serious about going into the business of laughter. So that's what she did.
She said goodbye to her parents, packed her bags and headed out to Los Angeles to follow her dream. And Brittany had a very specific dream, she didn't just want to be a starlet, she didn't want to be a live action Disney princess, she didn't even want to be some serious acclaimed actress, no, she wanted to be a funny woman. But like every newcomer who went to LA with stars in their eyes, Brittany had to struggle and learn the importance of being humble. That meant toiling away auditioning and waiting tables as she took improv classes. Not getting everything handed to her on a silver platter helped her learn how to hussle and keep moving. She didn't have the privilege of being picky with her roles, she accepted anything that came her way. Shampoo commercials, voice over work, being an extra on procedural crime shows. Every small role was just a stepping stone, each stone getting her to something bigger and more substantial.
It took her several years to build traction and really begin to make a name for herself in the LA comedy scene. Studying and playing with fellow improv performers, tinkering with her own material, honing her style, writing and filming her own small short films.
She was by no means a household name but she could feel it, she was truly on the cusp of something then. If she played her cards right she was going to be the next big thing, or well, at least that's what her friend and hype man Sugar told her.
She had met Sugar in her first month in LA some years back when Brittany had signed up for an acting class. They had hit it off on the first day and had been inseparable ever since. In fact Sugar was the reason Brittany found out about the show. The show.
One of Sugar's comedy writer friends, Sam, had landed a gig on a new sitcom and said he'd put in a good word for her when the network began to hire the rest of the writing room. He had given Sugar the first draft of the pilot script under the condition that she share it with absolutely no one. Naturally the first thing she did was go home to the apartment she shared with Brittany and spill the details. She couldn't exactly contain herself, after all this was not just any new tired cookie cutter sitcom, Sam had explained. This sitcom was going to be a reimagining of an American TV classic. In the reboot and revival obsessed TV landscape it was bound to happen.
''They're remaking I Love Lucy!'' Brittany shouted when Sugar let her take a peek at the script.
''It's not a remake, it's a reimagining. And they're not even calling it I Love Lucy, they're calling it-''
''My Favorite Wife,'' Brittany said with a quick snap of her fingers. ''Like the radio show I Love Lucy was originally based on.''
Sugar gave her half a shrug. Sugar herself knew enough about classic sitcoms but unlike Brittany she didn't know every exact detail about I Love Lucy or what it was initially based on.
''That's just the first draft. They're still working out the kinks,'' Sugar explained as she began to walk through their shared modest apartment. She grabbed a soda from the fridge and a bag of Goldfish crackers and plopped down on the couch to explain how she came into the know on such a top secret project. ''They plan to change a few things. This show worked in the 1950's and we have to bring it into this century while still maintaining the spirit of the original. Sam thinks I could be useful in the writers room in that sense I guess. Something about needing more female comedy writers in the room so that this Lucy feels like she's from this generation.''
"Makes sense." Brittany paced in front of Sugar as she eagerly devoured the dialogue, mouthing the words as she went along, once she was finished she hugged it to her chest. ''You know I grew up on I Love Lucy.''
''Hasn't everyone?''
''Lucille Ball is why I wanted to go into comedy in the first place. She was everything I wanted to be as a little girl.''
Sugar tossed a handful of Goldfish into her mouth. ''Well hey, maybe you'll get your chance. Auditions are still a few weeks away. Word is the network is looking for a fresh face.''
''Wait, so casting hasn't happened yet? You think I have a shot?''
Sugar made a ridiculous face, as if to say obviously. ''You're like one of the funniest people I know, of course you do.''
Brittany smiled at the idea, at the possibility of inhabiting a role made famous by her childhood hero. Her dream had always been to one day possibly have her own half hour sitcom, to re-energize and reinvigorate the format, to make it exciting again, to make it acclaimed again, to take it back to comedy's golden age.
It wasn't just Brittany's favorite show. I Love Lucy was generally considered to be the greatest American sitcom of all time. It centered around a New York City wife, Lucy, and her charming latin husband, Ricky. The show mostly focused on Lucy's numerous schemes to get into show business, often pestering husband Ricky for a chance to appear in his popular nightclub act. Lucy's kooky ideas often put the couple into awkward but hilarious situations. Lucy would do something ridiculous and wild and Ricky would react by going into a long emotional spiel in Spanish before fizzling out because try as he might, Ricky could never stay mad at Lucy no matter how much trouble she got them in. The characters became America's sweethearts of the 1950's and cemented the pairing as one of the most iconic TV couples since TV's invention.
The formula would be copied for decades on but no one and nothing would ever come close to the original. Perhaps the magic of the original had something to do with Lucy and Ricky being played by real life married husband and wife, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. The pair had made history on television screens but had quite a tumultuous and complicated off screen relationship.
To some people it may have been an antiquated form, but to Brittany there was still something beautiful and pure about the idea of a classic half hour sitcom. Sure the past couple of decades had seen some heinous and utterly humorless shows air but Brittany knew comedy was the one thing that would truly never go out of style. She just had to bring it back.
''So wait, Sugar, you said the network hasn't found their Lucy yet, but have they found someone to play Ricky?''
''Funny you should ask that…''
X
''Get up, Santana.''
''Nnnnnnuuuuughhh,'' came a moan in response.
''Santana, I said get up.''
Quinn Fabray stood in the living room of a rather impressive Hollywood Hills mansion. Bottles of champagne littered the room and various pieces of furniture appeared to be tipped over or upside down. She shook her head at the mess and looked down where her friend and client, Santana Lopez, was splayed out on a rug. The limbs of four different snoozing and scantily clad women were weighing her down. She was flanked by two from each side.
''What?'' Santana barked from beneath the women.
''It's noon,'' Quinn said stiffly. ''Will you please wake these hookers up and pay them so they can go home and we can talk business?''
Santana tossed a soft, smooth leg off of her stomach and pushed a random girl's arm from around her chest off in order to stand up. Quinn was thankful to see that Santana had fallen asleep with a black silk robe on, though the bare strip of skin from her clavicle to just where her panties cut off just below her belly button let Quinn know she didn't have much else on underneath.
''First of all,'' Santana started, her eyes still squinting from sleep, ''you shouldn't say 'hookers', it's degrading, call them sex workers. And second of all, what the hell are you doing here?''
''Whatever,'' Quinn grumbled. ''Wake your bimbos up and get them out of here. We need to talk.''
Santana just made a face and waved Quinn off, walking away from the still snoozing ladies on the floor, past Quinn and towards the bar in her house. She walked behind the small counter and began to mix herself a little wake-me-up. Quinn just rolled her eyes and followed after her, determined to speak.
''You haven't booked anything in six months,'' Quinn said bluntly.
''Yeah, so.''
''So I talked to your accountant today and you're running out of money. You need to start working. With the way you spend you won't survive for another year.''
"I'm fine," Santana said dismissively.
"Last week you got drunk and bought 20,000 dollars worth of NFTs, Santana!"
"That was an investment!"
"Do you even know what NFTs are?"
"No."
"You need to work!"
''Yeah well isn't that your job.'' Santana knocked back her first drink of the day and hissed as it went down, burning. ''You're my, what, agent, publicist, you're my something right? Isn't it your job to bring me offers and tell me what's out there?''
''Yes, it is and I have been. Only the last dozen opportunities I've presented you with you've either sabotaged or gotten fired from.''
Santana held her hands up as if helpless. ''It's not my fault no one wants to work with me anymore.''
'''Uhhhhh, it is your fault no one wants to work with you anymore. People have had enough of this pathetic bad girl behavior. The media ate it up when you were 20 and poised to be the next big thing but now? You're pushing 30 and it isn't so charming. Showing up drunk to set?''
''That was method acting.''
''Sleeping with the director's wife?''
''She slipped and fell face first into her lap, total accident.''
''Crashing a vehicle into your trailer?''
''I wouldn't have done that if they had gotten me the double size trailer like I had requested at the start of that production.''
''Okay what about punching Lena Dunham at last year's Emmy awards?''
''Let's be real, I did the world a favor by punching Lena Dunham!''
''Okay that last one, maybe, but everything else? It's not cute or charming anymore Santana. You need to straighten up and get your act together. You remember how to do that right? Be a working professional? Otherwise your career is done and nobody is going to want to hire you.''
Santana let out a long exhale and moved to the floor to ceiling windows in her living room as she gave Quinn's words thought.
It had been a rough few years for Santana Lopez, former Hollywood It Girl.
She had found success early in her career. With her face and her onscreen charisma it didn't take much to get noticed. Her breakthrough role came during her first year in LA when she landed a role on a steamy primetime soap. It wasn't exactly thought provoking material but when she was in front of the camera there was no one on earth who could smolder better or harder than Santana Lopez. She played sexy and sultry and viewers ate her up. Her character had injected the show with a healthy, new buzz and for several seasons her face was a mainstay on magazine covers and she had basked in her mainstream popularity.
See Santana only had two speeds, awesome or not at all. It wasn't enough to simply work, she had to work hard, and that may have proved fruitful for her career but on the flip side of it that meant that when it came time to play, she played harder and longer than anyone else to. She worked more, she drank more, she womanized more, that was just how she was. She did everything more.
And the world allowed her that.
But after a few years of declining ratings, bizarro storylines and an ever rotating cast her show had puttered out rather unceremoniously. Cancelled.
The first couple of years after the show's run hadn't been too bad, she had managed to score a handful of roles but then it was as if she hit a brick wall and eventually her face disappeared from magazines and rumors and gossip about her onset behavior eclipsed the talk of her on screen performances.
So she had a tendency to get a little obnoxiously demanding on set, so she would lash out on a whim if craft service didn't supply her with breadsticks from Breadstix, so she might have slapped a woman in the makeup trailer for tweezing her eyebrows in a chola-like fashion.
Santana had always been a handful but when she was starring in a major network show people for the most part took it in stride. After the show ended and she stopped being quantified as a viable commodity, people weren't so forgiving. Hollywood did what it had always done. It had a taste of Santana and savored her for a short number of years until the inevitable, it spit her out.
She had never really known struggle or criticism or failure and so, she reacted. She reacted by turning into a completely unreliable mess.
Most actresses would use this period of their life to change course and perhaps challenge themselves by seeking different and more mature cerebral roles. Santana on the other hand was stuck, terrified of change or progress or growth of any kind. Why couldn't she play a bitch forever? She knew how to do that and do it well. Deep down she wasn't entirely sure she was capable of anything more which in turn was why she didn't even try, didn't even want to try.
It was easier to let herself spiral. If the world wanted a trainwreck she was going to give them a trainwreck. A boozing womanizing sloppy trainwreck. The same attitude she had towards work and play, she applied it to her downward spiral. If she was going to fail, she was going to fail spectacularly. And so she indulged even harder in women and alcohol. There were worse ways to burn out, she thought.
That's what she had been doing for the past year. The last several months however had seemed even more bleak though. No work had come in, not even bit parts. Santana knew she only had herself to blame but she was still going to be obnoxious to Quinn about it.
''So what's my next move?'' Santana asked after a long moment of silence. She continued to stare dejectedly out of her window.
Quinn pulled a stack of papers from her bag and tossed it to Santana. ''Your next move is you start auditioning again.''
''I hate auditioning.''
''Yes well, I don't think you have a choice here. I've already read through them. Going back to TV probably isn't what you want but it's steady work. The script on top has a lot of possibility.''
Santana opened the front page of the script in question and laughed. ''You're serious? A sitcom? Me?''
''What's wrong with it?''
''Well for starters sitcom reboots? When do those ever work out?''
''Maybe so, but this sitcom reboot is going to have a lot of eyes on it and if done well could be an amazing project. Hell, even if it bombs it's guaranteed to get your name back in magazines.''
''I Love Lucy?'' Santana raised an eyebrow. ''Remind me what this one was about again? It's the one with the witch right?''
''No, that's Bewitched.''
''Then it's the one with the genie?''
''No, that's I Dream of Jeannie.''
''Then what the hell was I Love Lucy about?''
''A married couple in New York. Lucy is the cute and kooky wife, Ricky is the latin nightclub performer,'' Quinn explained. ''She's always trying to sneak her way into his shows and he's always trying to rein her in from her hairbrained schemes.'' Santana didn't seem very impressed by the premise so Quinn carried on. ''There's a lot about the show that would be dated now but for it's time, it was groundbreaking.''
Santana found that doubtful. ''How so?''
''Well, it was the first American sitcom to feature an interracial couple being happy and in love. In fact the networks had balked at that in the beginning. They wanted a vehicle for Lucille Ball but didn't like that the script had her married to a latin man because racism but Lucy refused to do the show unless they hired her real life husband, Desi, to star alongside her. In the end she got what she wanted.''
''So, what, you want me to go after this Lucy role? I dunno about that, Q. First of all I look nothing like a Lucy and second of all-''
''You won't be auditioning for Lucy though.''
''Then who am I auditioning for?''
''Well, lucky for you I have some network connections and from what I've heard it seems the higher ups want to take a gamble on this reimagining of the show."
"What kind of gamble?"
"80 years ago I Love Lucy broke ground because it was the first sitcom to show a latin man and a white woman happily married. It seems so common and obvious now in today's world but in those days that just wasn't done. The network feels like they have to make a new and different splash with this reimaging. They want to push some boundaries again.''
''Will you get to the point already?''
''Santana, you're no Lucy, you could never be a Lucy, but you could be her latin nightclub performer spouse.''
''Say again?''
''They're bringing Lucy into the 21st century, and this Lucy is going to have a wife. I have it on good authority that Ricky Ricardo is going to be reimagined as Ricki Ricardo, Lucy's latin lesbian nightclub performer wife.''
''They're gender swapping Ricky?''
''Yeah well. Like you said, reboots are generally failures right out of the gate, my guess is the network wants to do something that will really grab the audience's attention and break ground like the original before it.''
''I've never done comedy though.''
''Well, if it matters at all Ricky was always the straight man."
"There's nothing straight about me, Q."
"You know what I mean. Straight man in the comedy sense, Lucy was the funny one, the clown. Ricky was mostly there to scratch his head and react and occasionally sing a musical number, which again would make this the perfect project for you. They need someone with charisma that can also sing."
"Are you sure about this?"
"It's a gamble but if it works out it's a steady gig with a steady paycheck. Quite frankly, you can't afford to be picky anymore Santana. On top of that you would in essence be making history. Think about it, the first sitcom to star a female couple as the leads. And like I said even if it's an utter failure the twist alone will get your name back in the press and for once it won't be about your bad behavior."
Santana flipped through the first few pages and furrowed her brows.
''So, what do you say?'' asked Quinn.
''I say...Lucy you got some 'splainin to do.''
X
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Me? Uploading a WIP instead of finishing my existing stories? It's more likely than you think.
I'm an elder millennial who grew up watching old reruns of I Love Lucy. I've watched every documentary, every made for TV movie, Lucy has always sort of been my north star and I've been wanting to do a celebrity AU for ages but I needed some kind of hook to set it apart. This is it. I only have a few chapters written so far. Let's see if I can keep up with this one.