A/N: This story idea was born back in 2013 and besides uploading the first 2 and a half chapters in the same year, they otherwise remain untouched in terms of being edited. I'm sure as you continue through the story, you'll notice a change in writing style, or maybe you won't, but I wanted to mention it anyways, in case the first 3 chapters were a little hard to get through lol. I really didn't have any plot when I first posted it, so if you catch any inconsistencies, don't be afraid to mention it - I'll try to go back and fix it.

With that being said, buckle up and enjoy the ride. Where's it going? Honestly, even I don't know.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Summary: Their circles ran close but never touching until Hidan ran a red light, forcing their worlds to collide. Now, instead of being hit with a lawsuit, he's being hit with the fake boyfriend card, and as dumb as the idea sounds, it doesn't seem so bad coming out of her pretty mouth. Date crashing, a mystery mannequin, breaking and entering, Uchiha dinners and tennis matches, melona icecream, and social media upkeep - amongst other things - to be included in the chaos. Modern AU.

Chapter 1

The One Where Hidan Runs Someone Over

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12:30AM

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

Green.

"Wasting my time like that only to run to that fucker!"

Green.

"She played me for a fucking fool, I should've trusted my damn gut!"

Yellow.

"Fuck!"

Red.

SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

"Holy shit!"

This was not happening. This was not happening. This is fucking happening!

Hidan fumbled with the car's doorknob before finally shoving it open and practically tumbling out. Scrambling to the front of the car, his eyes zeroed in on the girl lying unconscious.

"Fuck! This really is happening!"

The headlights of the car shone brightly onto the girl, making her look ghastly pale against the dark asphalt. Hidan crouched down before her, awkwardly hovering his hands over her body, unsure if trying to jostle her awake was a good idea. Finger prints and stuff. Instead, he let his eyes frantically search for cuts, blood, or any body parts bending in a way they shouldn't. Hidan wasn't a doctor but, he knew a fucked up body part when he saw it.

"Fuck it." He placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her none too gently, "Hey! Hey, girl wake up! Please don't be dead, I'm nowhere near a good place to bury you." Hidan started mumbling to himself, looking up and around, debating if he might actually have to start looking for a place to dig a 6 foot hole.

"Nghh…"

Hidan jumped back, startled at the noise before realizing it came of the otherwise thought to be, possibly, dead body. "Hey, you're alive!" Hidan exclaimed, overjoyed.

The girl's eyes slowly creaked opened revealing slightly unfocused green irises. She let out a short wheeze that almost sounded like a word. Hidan leaned forward.

"…I…. hope y-you… have…. a lawyer…."

Oh yes, Hidan was certainly screwed.