The next day, Good Burger was mobbed once again by hungry customers, but the Good Burger gang worked as smoothly as a well-oiled machine. Monique took orders, Fizz filled drinks, Otis fried the French fries. Dexter worked the cash register, and Ed manned the drive-through window. A big black Chevy Yukon with smoked windows pulled up to the drive-through. The driver's-side window slid down with an electric hum and Kurt Bozwell smirked unpleasantly, wearing a pair of reflective Ray-Bans.
Ed smiled and said, "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"
"Yeah. Gimme a Good Burger," The driver replied. "With extra, extra, extra sauce."
"Sorry, dude," Ed said. "Only one glop of sauce per Good Burger. We're runnin' low. It's way popular, ya know."
"Well, if you can't give me extra sauce," Kurt said, removing his Ray-Bans, "Then tell me... how do you make it?"
"Easy!" Ed began to tell him. "You start with a little ketchup, add some lemon juice, a pinch of-"
Lionel put a hand over Ed's mouth. "Ed... good buddyyyyy... we don't tell such secrets!" he insisted. "LEAST of all to SLIME like THIS!"
"What're you doin' here?" Dexter asked once he saw Kurt.
"None of your business, loser." Kurt retorted.
"I know what you're up to." Dexter's eyes narrowed. "Well, forget it! We'll never tell you the recipe for that sauce. Right, Ed?"
"...paprika, and some..." Ed continued, without missing a beat after he moved Lionel's hand.
Dexter clapped his hand over Ed's mouth again.
"I think you should get out of here, buddy." Cherry glared at Kurt. "Just
Kurt gave them all an ugly grin. "And what if Kurt don't feel like it?
Dexter held up a mop that had been leaning against the wall just inside the window. "Then Kurt gets his tonsils cleaned with this mop."
Kurt's grin fell away. "Dude, I don't take that kinda crap."
"What kinda crap do you take?" Dexter snapped.
"That tears it!" Kurt leaned out of the Yukon and grabbed Ed with one hand and Dexter with the other, trying to pull them out of the drive-through window.
Monique spotted the problem and reacted quickly. "Hey, Spatch!" she called. "There's a guy out here who just called you a big wuss!"
A moment later, Spatch pulled Ed and Dexter from Kurt's grip and leaned out the window, wielding his spatula and growling like an animal.
"GET. LOST." Thor glared dangerously at Kurt and gritted his teeth, looking scary and beastly a lot like his uncle whenever he got mad as thunder rumbled and lightning flashed outside suddenly as though a storm was summoned by his rage.
"Uh, well, Kurt's gotta jam!" Kurt said, dropping back into the Yukon and replacing his sunglasses. He revved the engine, saying, "Hey, maybe I'll give you all new jobs after I put this pus-dump outta business!" Then he sped away, tires screeching.
"You ain't puttin' nobody outta business!" Dexter called after him.
Spatch agreed with a grunt, and Lionel and Thor blew raspberries after Kurt.
"That guy gives me a rash." Monique said.
"Well, don't worry," Dexter said. "I won't let him bother you."
"Thanks, but I can take care of myself."
"I know," Dexter agreed, nodding. "I-I'm just sayin'…"
"What are you sayin'?" Monique asked.
"Uh, nothin'." Dexter said quietly, embarrassed.
"Hey, Dexter!" Deedee called, running toward him. "You got a delivery! And you are gonna freak!" She handed Dexter a slip of paper, and when he read it, his eyes became huge.
"What is it, Dex?" Atticus wondered.
"Uh, nothing you need to worry about." Dexter replied innocently.
"Hmm..." Atticus smirked a bit.
"Hey, you guys wanna come to the Burger Mobile with us?" Ed offered to Cherry and the others. "We just got a very special delivery."
"Sure, sounds good!" nodded Thor. "We'd be glad to tag along!"
"Hm... You sure we all wanna go?" Cherry asked.
"Aw, come on, Cher," Thor smirked warmly. "We're helping out with Good Burger, we might as well join them on the food delivery."
"Yeah, come on, Cherry." Atticus added.
"Well, all right..." Cherry shrugged. "I guess we can at least see The Burger Mobile up close this way."
"Thatta girl." Lionel smiled proudly.
Ed drove the Burger Mobile into the massive parking lot of a night club. Dexter had asked him to come along because the order was too big to be handled by just one person and of course, The Toon Force group was also there. There was a show in progress and the parking lot was packed with cars as Cherry put on her headphones in case this would get a little too loud for her. Both boys were excited about the delivery, and Ed got a little carried away at the wheel, zigzagging the Burger Mobile around the parking lot as Cherry did her best not to get sick.
"Ed!" Dexter cried. "What're you doin'? You gotta park the burger!"
"Yeah! Slow down!" Thor added.
Ed laughed and shouted, "Whoooaaaaa!" as he screeched to a stop just outside the huge building. He and Dexter hopped out, each of them carrying several bags of food from Good Burger as the Toon Force came to help.
Inside, Ed and Dexter ran down the tunnel that led to the dancefloor where a famous rapper currently was, but a burly uniformed security guard stepped in front of them.
"Sorry," The guard said in a low, gravelly voice. "Nobody gets past this door."
"But we got a delivery!" Ed cried.
"You gotta let us in!" Dexter added.
"Not without a pass." The guard retorted.
"Maybe you didn't realize where we're from," Atticus smirked as he had an idea. "We came all the way from Good Burger."
The security guard's eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened. "You guys got Good Burgers in those bags? Gimme one!"
"Sure, dude," Ed said, pulling a burger from one of the bags and handing it over. "Now will you let us in?"
"Not... yet," the guard said, looking all around carefully with beads of sweat that broke out on his forehead as he leaned toward the boys and said, in a low, desperate whisper, "C'mon, you know what I want!"
"A massage?" Ed asked.
"No." The guard said. "Sauce! Gimme some of Ed's Sauce!"
Ed and Dexter exchanged a glance and Dexter shrugged, reaching into one of the bags. He handed over a small container of sauce, saying, "Okay, here."
"More." The guard said, his hands trembling, sweat dribbling down his face.
"More?" Ed asked.
"Please," The guard begged, "I need it... I gotta have it!"
Ed handed him another container.
"More!" The guard said.
"Good grief!" remarked Mo. "This guy's totally hooked!"
"Are you gonna eat this stuff or take a bath in it?" Cherry asked the guard in a dry tone of voice.
Dexter then shoved two more containers at the guard, then pushed him aside, saying, "There! Now get outta the way!"
"Bless you!" The guard cried. He looked around quickly, then ran off to eat his Good Burger with lots of extra sauce.
Ed and Dexter dashed through the unguarded door along with the Toon Force group.
They soon came into a crowded club room, but there was no music playing and the lights were on as Cherry removed her headphones.
"This isn't at all what I expected." Cherry remarked.
"I feel hungry, babe..." A very tall man pouted, looking almost like a famous basketball player next to Michael Jordan.
"Relax, your food is on the way." A shorter, though compared to him at least, woman reassured him.
At that moment, Ed and Dexter burst into the room toward the crowd of people who came to have a good time, but had to take a break since the lead rapper had an emergency with his appetite.
"We're here!" Dexter shouted.
Ed spread his arms and cried, "KAZAAAAAAAM!" as if he'd known the rapper all his life.
Kazaam grinned when he saw them, and the party-goers stepped aside to let the boys through. Grabbing one of the bags, Kazaam pulled out a Good Burger and unwrapped it. "Aw, man," the rapping giant said with disappointment as he checked between the buns. "I asked for tomato on my Good Burger! There's no tomato here!"
"Oh, hang on!" Ed said with a smile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a dripping tomato slice, grabbed Kazaam's burger, opened it, and slapped the tomato slice onto the patty. "There ya go, Kazaam," he said, handing the burger back. "Consider yourself tomatoed!"
Kazaam looked at Ed for a long moment with a slight frown, taking his burger back. Then he said quietly, "You're not like other people, are you?"
"Take a bite, Kazaam!" Dexter said. "Try our new Ed's Sauce!"
Kazaam took a big bite of his burger, chewed a few times, then grinned, nodding as he muffled, "Mmmm-mmmm!"
"Hey, if Kazaam likes Good Burgers, then maybe we should get some too." A guy said to the group around him.
Everyone else seemed to agree as Kazaam's approval would definitely help Good Burger's reputation.
"Hey, Cherry, Atticus, Lionel, Mo... it's been a while," Kazaam said to the group, making them look confused. "Thor, how's your uncle?"
"Okay, I guess...?" Thor replied. "What's it to you?"
"Oh, come on, don't you guys remember that adventure we had with that kid Max?" Kazaam reminded them. "We also hung around a couple of girls named Jeannie and Shantae."
"Dude, what are you talking about?" Cherry asked. "We've never seen you before in our lives."
"What? Ohhhh..." Kazaam replied until it hit him. "Right... wrong universe. I guess that's why you guys don't have Sabrina Spellman with you after she left this universe into the prime universe for a better life." he then added.
"Okay, that part I remember." Atticus then said to the others.
Everyone murmured in agreement at that.
"Hey, Dex," Ed said, elbowing his buddy, "we're on TV!" Ed stepped forward and leaned close to the camera's lens, grinning as he said, "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"
Lionel and Thor grinned at the camera, flashing the 'V-for-Victory' sign.
MEANWHILE, AT MONDO BURGER...
Kurt sat behind his desk in his office glaring at Ed, Dexter, and those kids on his television. As usual, he was flanked by Troy and Griffen. Good Burgers were being passed all around the locker room and players and reporters alike were biting into them. After a moment of chewing, they broke into a chant: "Ed's Sauce! Ed's Sauce! Ed's Sauce! Ed's Sauce!"
"I am sick of those pukes!" Kurt shouted, shooting out of his chair. He rounded his desk, crossed the office, and punched the television right in the screen. It wobbled a moment, then fell off its stand and sparked as it hit the floor with a loud whump and a puff of smoke. "Hah!" Kurt blurted. "You're not so fast with the trash-talkin' now, are ya?"
"You got 'em that time, bro!" Griffen said with a smile.
"Yeah, but, uh, if you hadn't noticed. Good Burger is still in business." Troy said cautiously
"Well, what are we supposed to do about it?" Griffen asked. "Our burgers are already twice the size of theirs!"
Kurt's eyes widened and the small, unpleasant smirk became a broad, threatening grin as he went behind his desk again. "Oh, yeah?" he said, punching a button on the intercom console on his desk. "Kitchen!"
Two seconds later, the voice of a male Mondo Chef came over the intercom. "Kitchen, here."
"Make our burgers bigger." Kurt demanded.
"Bigger?" The voice asked. "But... we're already-"
"BIGGER!" Kurt barked. "Okay, bro?" He hit the button again, then began pacing, still grinning maniacally. "Let's see Good Burger go against burgers three times the size of theirs!"
"Great," Troy said. "But, uh... what about the Ed's Sauce?"
"Well, if Kurt can't steal Ed's Sauce, then Kurt'll just have to get it straight from the source!" Kurt said, pacing back and forth, back and forth before he suddenly stopped pacing and faced Troy and Griffen.
The three of them broke out in laughter; mean, nasty laughter.
"Sounds like you guys could definitely use some help." A voice said.
"Who said that?" Kurt demanded.
"AH! GHOST!" Troy panicked.
"Shut up, you stupid idiot, I'm not a ghost." The voice scoffed at him.
"Well then, who's there?" Griffen wondered.
"Show yourself if you know what's good for you." Kurt added.
Soon, a certain abrasive blonde girl stepped into the light with her hands behind her back.
"Sam Puckett?" The three asked.
"What are you doing here?" Kurt demanded. "Here to steal some meat for your voracious appetite?"
"Well, that and I have a proposition for you guys." Sam explained with a sadistic smirk that people like Freddie Benson knew all too well.
Kurt glanced at Troy and Griffen, then back towards Sam.
"...alright, you have our attention," he replied. "Plus I like your ferocity; it reminds me of... well, me."
Sam rolled her eyes at that.
"So what do you want in this deal?" Kurt asked her.
"Nothing much," Sam smirked. "Just a boost in iCarly's reputation as much as Mondo Burger's if not more since we're the most popular web stars in the entire world." she then added rather boastfully.
"Fine," replied Kurt. "You scratch my back, I scratch yours."
"Just remember, once you make a deal with Sam Puckett, there's no turning back," Sam warned as she narrowed her eyes dangerously. "You don't know what I can do."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kurt asked.
"I don't know..." Sam shrugged. "I thought it sounded hardcore."
"Whatever!" Kurt rolled his eyes in mild irritation. "We got a deal."
"I'm so glad you agree," Sam smirked. "Just don't screw me over or else it'll come back to bite you in the butt."
"Fine by me," Kurt nodded. "It should be a pleasure, Samantha."
"My name is Sam." Sam narrowed her eyes dangerously at that.
"I'll call you what we like or we have no deal." Kurt retorted.
Sam rolled her eyes, but decided to put up with it for now. "It's bad enough when Ms. Briggs calls me that." she then scoffed to herself.
The next day, the Toon Force was getting ready for a new day.
"You guys ready to help out Good Burger again?" Atticus asked with a small smile.
"Sure am!" Thor beamed. "I feel like we're doing a really good thing."
"Well, of course we are, big guy!" Lionel smiled.
"I feel great!" Thor beamed.
"Easy before you hurt yourself." Cherry smirked as she turned off the TV with an eccentric man in a bathtub named Pierre Escargot giving a daily French lesson.
They then put their breakfast dishes away and soon left the inn again, passing by Claudia as she was reading a magazine about a video store known as Blockblister being sued and taken into court by Judge Trudy as she waved them off.
"See ya, Claudia." Thor said to the gloomy goth girl.
"Whatever." Claudia spat out.
As they headed out from the inn, they could see Ed skating down the sidewalk.
"Hey, look!" Mo pointed out to the others.
"Hey, it's Ed!" commented Atticus.
"I'm a duuude, She's a dude…" sang Ed as he skated down the sidewalk. "He's a dude, 'Cuz we're all duuudes!" He hopped off the sidewalk to cross the street just as the familiar black Chevy Yukon drove by.
Lionel glanced down the street and saw the car in question. "And look who else is coming!" he exclaimed. "That's Kurt's car!"
"Whooaaa!" Ed cried, flailing his arms and trying to stop. But he couldn't stop!
The Yukon screeched to a halt right in front of Ed, who slammed into it, tumbled up onto the hood, and landed with his face smooshed against the windshield, arms, and legs splayed in all directions.
Dazed and confused, Ed stared cross-eyed through the glass at Kurt, who was behind the wheel. With his speech garbled because his mouth was pressed against the windshield, Ed said, "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"
Kurt got out of the Yukon and helped Ed off the hood, brushing off his clothes and asking, "You all right, bro?"
"Hey!" Ed said, still a little wobbly. "I know you! You're the dude from Mondo Burger!"
Cherry looked around and soon snuck over to the car to see what was going on while the rest of the group seemed concerned.
"Correct-o-mundo," Kurt said with a crooked smile. He held out his hand to shake. "Kurt Bozwell."
"No, no," Ed corrected, shaking Kurt's hand. "I'm Ed."
Cherry snickered at that until she was then spotted, causing her to look wide-eyed and worried for a moment.
"Right," Kurt then said. "Can I give you a lift, Ed?"
"I dunno," Ed replied. "I weigh around 150."
"Just, uh... get in the car, huh?" Kurt suggested.
"Hey, Cherry! Get over here!" Ed suggested.
Cherry looked around again, then shrugged, and came into the car along with Ed and Kurt.
Once Ed was inside the Yukon, Kurt began to drive as Ed looked around in total amazement. The interior of the Yukon was incredible! It was decked out with an amazing stereo, a phone, a television and VCR, Nintendo... everything!
"Wow, this car has everything." Cherry had to admit.
"Glad you like it... So, let's talk, homes." Kurt smirked deviously.
"It's Ed and Cherry," Ed corrected. "Holmes is that Sherlock detective dude."
"Riiight," Kurt said, rolling his eyes.
Ed reached down to the console between the seats and began pushing buttons at random. As he poked at the buttons, music came on, went off, the television came on, went off, and a Nintendo game began to play on the screen, then blinked out.
"Whoooaaaa!" Ed said with delight, reaching down to hit another button. Cherry snickered a bit at Ed's excitement which was like a very young and small child with a brand new toy.
Kurt grabbed his wrist and shouted, "Dude! Quit it! Check it out, Ed: after we talk, you can push all the buttons you want. Okay?"
"Done deal!" Ed exclaimed with a grin.
"Stellar," Kurt said, letting go of Ed's wrist. "Ed, I'm gonna cut right to the chase. You've been workin' at Good Burger now for, like, three years. And your manager only pays you five bucks an hour."
"Really?" Ed asked, surprised. "Cool!"
"Well, if five bucks an hour is cool, how does 10 bucks sound?" Kurt offered.
"Hmmm... hang on." Ed pulled a 10-dollar bill from his pocket, held it up to his ear, and crinkled it up, uncrinkled it, crinkled it up again. "Uuhhh... it sounds sorta like, um... well, it's a kinda… chusha-chusha-chusha sound." he said, stuffing the bill back into his pocket.
Cherry smirked at that.
Kurt sighed with frustration, clutching the steering wheel hard. "Look, Ed, I want you to bail on Good Burger along with your emo friend here and come to work for me at Mondo Burger. I want you to make your sauce for Kurt."
"I'm not an emo, besides, no deal." Cherry narrowed her eyes.
"Who's Kurt?" Ed asked.
"I'm Kurt!"
"I'm Ed."
"I'm aware!"
"Oh? I thought you said you were Kurt!"
Cherry then flopped down into a fit of laughter. With an angry growl, Kurt took a corner suddenly, drove around the block and screeched to a halt in front of Good Burger. Without looking at Ed or Cherry, he took in a deep, frustrated breath and let it out in a long, grumbling sigh.
"Thanks for the ride," Ed said pleasantly, getting out of the Yukon.
"Yeah, sure," Kurt said. He turned to Ed and Cherry, and tried to smile, hiding his anger and annoyance. "And when you're ready to work for me, you just say the word."
Ed closed the door, then tapped on the window. It hummed open.
"Yeah?" Kurt said.
"What's the word?" Ed asked.
"Whatever. You pick."
"Okay. The word is... seven!" Ed said with a grin.
Kurt's face twisted into a grimace as he shifted into gear and sped away in the Yukon. Cherry laughed for a few more minutes as she saw Kurt driving away.
"You're in a good mood today." Ed smiled at Cherry.
"Let's just say my funny bone was recently healed." Cherry smirked.
"Oh! Congratulations." Ed smiled, taking that seriously without a second thought... or a first thought for that matter.
Soon, the rest of the Toon Force and Dexter came up to Good Burger.
Dexter did not look happy. "What were you doin' in Kurt's car?" he then asked Ed.
"Pushin' buttons," Ed said. "Talkin' to Kurt."
"What'd he say to you?"
"Somethin' about me goin' to work for him at Mondo Burger," Ed explained. "He likes me and I think Cherry too."
"No! He wants your sauce!" Dexter explained urgently. "Look, whatever you do, do not tell him your sauce recipe! Don't tell anyone! Remember, if you tell anyone the recipe, then Good Burger is going to be in big trouble!"
"Okay!" Ed agreed happily.
"He didn't threaten you, did he?" Atticus asked Cherry protectively as Thor and Lionel looked ready to beat up Kurt if they absolutely had to.
"Nah, I don't think he's that much of a threat," Cherry reassured him before winking at him. "Besides, the Toon Force has faced worse than an overly active Shitweasel like him." she then added as a reminder.
"Ah, good." Lionel sighed in relief.
"Okay," Dexter said, starting back toward the entrance to Good Burger. "C'mon, let's get to work."
"Yeah, let's go." Mo added.
"Wait!" Ed called, fishing around in his jacket pocket. "I got you somethin'!"
Dexter turned back, curious, as Ed took a yo-yo out of his pocket. He handed it to Dexter, who gazed at it with surprise, and just a little awe. It looked very familiar.
"What's this?" Dexter asked.
"It's a yo-yo!" Ed said, grinning. "I bought it with the $13 you gave me. See? It lights up and whistles and everything! Just like the one your dad gave you."
"Aww..." The group beamed and gushed at how thoughtful that was.
Dexter stared at the yo-yo for a long moment, then slipped the string on his finger and flipped his hand. The yo-yo lit up; red on one side, blue on the other; as it whistled down the string, then whistled back up again, landing in his palm with a soft smack. He stared at the yo-yo in his hand feeling touched… and more than a little guilty. He looked at Ed and asked, "Why'd you get this for me?"
Ed said, "Well... cuz! We're buddies! C'mon, let's go to work!" He skated along the sidewalk and into Good Burger.
Dexter stared at the yo-yo for a moment longer. "Buddies," he said, as a smile grew on his face. "Yeah, I guess we are." Then he turned and went back inside.
During his lunch break. Dexter had to run an errand for his mother, so he took off on his bike. But Ed was still hard at work, handling customers at the counter inside. Good Burger's booths were all taken up by customers happily chowing down on their Good Burgers with Ed's Sauce, but there was no line at the counter for the moment. Ed stood at his post, staring off into space, wondering how mud puddles felt when the tires of cars rolled through them.
A short, balding, middle-aged man walked up to the counter with his Good Burger in hand. He smiled reluctantly as he said, in a very soft voice, "Excuse me... this burger is extremely rare."
"What's so special about it?" Ed asked.
"No, no," the man said, holding the burger out for Ed to see. A single bite had been taken from the burger, and the man peeled back the top bun, saying, "Look at the meat. See how pink it is? That's very rare."
"No, it's not!" Ed said with a big smile. "We got tons more meat in the back just like that!"
The man closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, then said, "Look, try to follow me..."
"Where are we goin'?"
"We're not going anywhere." The man said, raising his voice a bit.
"Then why'd you invite me?"
"Oh, just... forget the burger! Just give me a Good Shake."
Ed shrugged, leaned over the counter, and grabbed the man's lapels, shaking him vigorously.
"Hey!" The man blurted. "Would you... hey, ooh... just stop with the shaking!"
A man holding a clipboard and wearing a blue uniform entered Good Burger and said loudly, "Delivery for... uh, Ed?"
Ed let go of the customer's lapels suddenly, and the man dropped to the floor in a surprised heap. Everyone in the group took a break as Dexter went back home for his while Ed dealt with his surprise.
"You think we should include a clown like McDonald's?" Thor asked the others.
"No." Cherry said right away.
"Well, don't everyone argue at once." Thor murmured at how suddenly Cherry said that.
"I think she means that we don't wanna be accused of ripping McDonald's ideas off." Lionel suggested.
"Sure, let's go with that." Cherry replied.
"Hmm... good point," Thor admitted with a nod. "After all, there was that whole McDowell's controversy in the 1980s."
"I'm sure we'll figure something out to help Good Burger aside from just the sauce," Mo shrugged. "Maybe kid's meal toys?"
"Perhaps," shrugged Atticus. "But then we'd have to figure out ideas for them."
"...anyone hear horse noises?" asked Lionel, noticing the sounds of a clippety-cloppety clippety-cloppety.
Everyone soon looked around, then came to see where that noise could be coming from.
Meanwhile, Dexter was making his way back to work on his bike. He took all the shortcuts he knew, because he'd been gone a little too long. If he didn't get back soon, he'd be late. As busy as Good Burger had been lately, he couldn't afford to be late, because they needed all the help they could get. Just a block away from Good Burger, Dexter slowed down a bit… and he became aware of a sound beside him: a clippety-cloppety, clippety-cloppety sound. He looked to his right... and gasped. There was a chestnut-colored horse beside him... and riding that horse was Ed!
"What the—" Dexter blurted, swallowing the rest of his sentence. "Ed! What are you doing?"
"Ridin' my pony." Ed simply answered.
"Ed, where did you get that horse?" Thor asked.
"Kurt gave him to me. Isn't he cute?" Ed asked, petting his horse. "And since he's chestnut colored, I named him Blueberry!"
"Brilliant." Lionel replied.
Dexter stopped his bike and got off. Ed and his horse stopped beside him. "Get down from that thing!" Dexter shouted.
Ed got off the horse and asked, "Why? Whatcha gonna do?"
"You'll see." Dexter said.
"All right, what should we do with this pony?" Atticus wondered aloud.
"Maybe we should sell him to a glue factory." Cherry shrugged.
"CHERRY!" Atticus glared with his hands on his hips.
"What? It was a joke! I'm joking!" Cherry defended with a sheepish grin.
"I have a better idea anyway." Dexter spoke up.
Minutes later. Dexter, Ed, the gang, and Blueberry were standing outside Mondo Burger.
"Go open the door." Dexter said, waving toward the front entrance of Mondo Burger.
Ed walked over to the door and held it open as Dexter slapped Blueberry hard on the behind. The horse shot forward and trotted straight into Mondo Burger. Ed let the door go and walked away as it swung closed. As Ed and Dexter headed across the street to Good Burger, muffled crashing sounds came from inside Mondo Burger. A moment later, customers began to pour out chaotically, screaming and cursing, some of them still holding their giant Mondo Burgers in hand.
Dexter began to laugh, and a moment later, so did Ed, with everyone else joining in. Dexter held the door of Good Burger open and said to Ed, "After you!"
"After me!" Ed said, going inside.
Then they began to laugh again.
"That'll do, Ed. That'll do." Cherry said as she patted him on the head.
"Aww." Ed smiled as he took that as a generous compliment.
"What is with this dude?" Kurt growled between clenched teeth as he paced furiously back and forth in front of his desk. He was in his office with Troy and Griffen… and Blueberry.
Griffen stood in front of the horse, feeding it a handful of French fries. "He doesn't wanna work at Mondo Burger," he then said to their boss.
"If you ask me, the guy's a few tacos short of a combination plate." Troy said.
"I don't care," Kurt grumbled. "Kurt's gonna get his sauce. I didn't come this far to let a tired little crap shack like Good Burger get in my way!" he then continued to pace as Blueberry gobbled up the fries from
Griffen's hand with a lot of wet snuffling sounds.
Suddenly, Kurt stopped pacing and went behind his desk. He leaned over and hit a button on the intercom console.
"Are you gonna talk to that Sam Puckett kid?" Griffen asked him.
"No, I have a much better idea... for now. Bring in Roxanne!" Kurt replied and then shouted. Then he punched the button again and stood up straight, grinning. "If anyone can get the sauce out of Ed... she can."
Troy and Griffen grinned along with their boss.
Standing at his post at the counter, Ed studied the three hamburgers spread out before him. "Good Burger, old Mondo Burger, and new Mondo Burger." he then muttered to himself.
Mr. Baily approached him, saying, "Ed, this has got to stop."
Ed turned to him, amazed. "But Mondo Burgers are gettin' even bigger! See, here's one from last week and here's one I got today. See? They're gettin' huger!"
"Great," Mr. Baily said. "That's fine. But for now, just worry about our customers, okay?"
Ed turned to see a woman standing at the counter, smiling, and he said, "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"
"Hello, my name is Connie Muldoon," The woman said. Connie Muldoon spoke rapidly, the words shooting from her mouth like bullets from a machine gun. "I'm hosting a family reunion and my oven has run amok. I think it's the heat actuator. Anyhoo, I would like to order..." She studied the menu on the wall above and behind Ed. "Three Good Meals, four Junior Good Meals, a 17-piece order of your Good Chunks, ummm, okay, in two of the Junior Good Meals, I want to substitute the Good Cookies for Good Pies; and don't fret if that's extra, I'll pony up the overage, and, uh, oh, on the regular Good Meals, I need two of the Good Burgers to have ketchup, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, but no onion; I've got an interview this afternoon, okay, let's see, that covers everyone but Uncle Leslie, who doesn't eat meat, but of course, he does eat dairy, so I don't get it, um, let's get Leslie a Good Chickwich, and some Good Fries, and a Good Root Beer, all to go, but I would like to have my beverage while I wait. Now. Total me up."
Ed's eyes glazed over as he stared at Connie Muldoon in deep shock.
"Young man?" The chatty said. "What's the total? Time for addition. Hello?"
Ed did not move or make a sound as he stared with crossed eyes, mouth hanging open.
"Oh, dear," Connie Muldoon whispered, looking around cautiously. "I think I broke him." Then she turned and hurried away.
While Ed was staring blankly at nothing in particular, his mind momentarily out of commission after Connie Muldoon's enormous, rapid-fire order, a beautiful girl approached the counter. "Hello?" the girl said to Ed. "Uh... hello?"
Ed's vision was blurred, but slowly came back into focus as he stared at the beautiful girl. She was about 18-years-old... and absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. Ed shook his head back and forth several times, then said, "Uh... welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"
"No, thanks," The young woman said with a beautiful smile. "I just came here to meet you, Ed. I'm Roxanne."
Dexter walked by behind Ed, but slowed his pace when he noticed Roxanne. He stayed close by, eavesdropping on their conversation.
Ed's mouth worked, but nothing came out in response to what Roxanne had said. Finally, he babbled, "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?"
Roxanne leaned toward him over the counter and whispered, "You are sooo hot."
Dexter's mouth dropped open in shock. He snapped it shut again.
"Yeah," Ed said, "I often sweat when I work. So, you hungry?"
Dexter rolled his eyes, amazed by Ed's cluelessness.
"Yes, I am hungry," Roxanne said. "But not for food. I'm hungry for you."
Ed's eyebrows popped up.
"Ed is edible, but that would be cannibalism." Thor piped up before smirking at the others to show that he was just playing "extra dumb" since they knew he was dumb, but he wasn't brain-dead or stupid.
"This doesn't concern you," Roxanne glared at the warlock teen before she continued to try to seduce Ed. "How would you like to go out on a date tomorrow night, Ed?" she then asked the goofball.
"Hey, sounds great!" Ed beamed before looking confused. "With who?"
"Me, silly."
Ed grinned sheepishly. "Me silly, too."
"No, I meant that you and I should go out together. Tomorrow night. Want to?"
"Uh... sure. Okay."
"Awesome," Roxanne said, flashing that incredible smile again. She handed him a slip of paper saying, "Here's my address. I'll see you at 8:00." She blew Ed a kiss, gave him a wink, then left Good Burger.
Dexter stepped over to Ed's side, stunned and amazed. "I can't believe what I just saw!" he said.
Ed turned to him, curious. "Elvis?"
"No, not Elvis! A beautiful girl just cruised in here and asked you out on a date!"
"I know. Hey, Dex, wanna come with us?"
"Nah," Dexter said. "Three's a crowd."
"So, bring a date, and maybe our other friends will join us." Ed said with a shrug.
"We'd love to once we decide who should go along," Atticus nodded. "Dexter, maybe you could ask Monique?" he then suggested.
Dexter thought about it a moment, then shook his head. "I-I don't think so."
"Why not?" Ed replied. "You know you like her."
"How could I not like her?" Dexter asked, glancing at Monique, who was over by the milkshake machine. "I mean, she's smart, funny, beautiful, cuddly." A smile grew on his face as he thought about Monique.
"So, ask her out!" Ed prodded.
"No."
"Chicken."
"I'm not a chicken." Dexter said, frowning.
"Are too!" Ed chanted loudly, "Dexter's a chicken! Chicken! Chicken!" Then Ed tucked his thumbs into his armpits, flapped his elbows like wings, tilted his head back and said loudly, "Moooo! Moooo!"
"Cut that out!" Dexter snapped. "I am not a chicken! Look, Monique probably doesn't wanna waste her time goin' out with me, so let's drop it, all right?"
Ed stared at him for a moment, then flapped his elbows again and cried, "Moooo!"
"And chickens do not moo!" Dexter said. "They cluck!"
As Monique walked by them, Ed turned to her and said, "Hey, Monique, we're goin' out tomorrow night. You wanna be Dexter's date?"
Dexter cringed with embarrassment as he leaned toward Ed and whispered, "I told you I—"
"I'd love to." Monique said with a smile. Then she disappeared into the kitchen.
Dexter stared for a moment at the spot where Monique had stood, then smiled and said, "I knew she'd say yes."
"Sure ya did," Cherry responded dryly before turning to face her friends. "Okay, which of us are coming along?"
"You don't wanna go, do you?" Thor asked.
"Not really," Cherry shrugged. "The idea of dating multiple people at once kinda feels like too much for me."
"Cherry, you wouldn't be dating other peo-" Atticus began to say.
"He knows what I mean." Cherry interrupted with a glare.
"Sorry." Atticus and Mo both said sheepishly.
"Oh, uh, okay... well, you don't have to go..." Thor shrugged and put his hands behind his back and kicked a stone across the ground a bit. "I just thought maybe it would be nice to be out and about and get to know some new friends better."
"Well, here's a thought," said Lionel as he put arms around Cherry and Thor's shoulders. "Maybe the three of us... or two, if either 1 of you doesn't want to come, could tag along?"
"Please, let me go? Can I?" Thor begged Lionel.
Cherry rolled her eyes and smirked at his childishness. "Meh... I guess I could go," she then said before facing Atticus and Mo. "And what about you guys?"
"We'll give you guys some privacy." Mo decided.
"That's fine with us," said Lionel. "It has been a bit since just the three of us were together, y'know?"
"Yeah, that's true." Cherry agreed.
"Okay, the three of us will go while you two do your own thing." Thor told Atticus and Mo.
Atticus and Mo smiled at that as they thought that sounded good for all of them.
"I just hope Dexter doesn't mind a throuple." Cherry commented to herself.
The following night, the seven of them went to the Fun Emporium, an enormous complex made up of a video game arcade, a go-cart track, a miniature golf course, and a big food court. Ed drove them there in the Burgermobile. Dexter, Monique, Roxanne, Cherry, Lionel, and Thor were dressed casually. Ed wore his Good Burger uniform... with a tie. The Fun Emporium was brightly lit and the air was a mixture of delicious food smells, everything from burritos to cotton candy. The groups played video games for a while, then went to a corn dog stand for something to eat. They carried their corn dogs to a small table with four chairs. Lionel got some fries and pizza, as he, Cherry and Thor each sat down.
"Your chair, madam," Dexter said gallantly as he pulled Monique's chair out for her.
"Why, thank you, Dexter," Monique said as she sat down.
Following Dexter's example, Ed pulled Roxanne's chair out as she started to sit down, saying, "Your chair." But he pulled it out too far.
Roxanne fell flat on her behind with a yelp. Others in the food court turned and stared.
"Whooaaa!" Ed cried. "Is your butt okay?"
Roxanne scrambled to her feet and brushed herself off, forcing a smile. "It's fine, thank you."
When he saw that people were still staring, Ed raised his hands and shouted, "It's okay, people! Her butt is fine!"
Lionel chuckled in response as he ate his fry pizza. Mortified, Roxanne sat down at the table and slumped down in her chair.
"Mmm, great corn dog." Monique said as they all began to eat.
Ed stared at his corn dog and said, "I wonder how they get the weenie inside the corny exterior?"
"A question that's plagued mankind for centuries." Dexter said.
"You know what would go great on these corn dogs, Ed?" Roxanne asked, leaning close to him.
"A leotard?" Ed replied.
A moment passed while Dexter, Monique, and Roxanne stared at Ed with confusion.
"No, silly," Roxanne said. "Some of your sauce. I just love your sauce, Ed. How do you make it? I'm dying to know."
Lionel, Cherry, and Thor each raised an eyebrow, realizing what was going on.
"Oh, it's easy," Ed began to explain. "You start off with ketchup, add a little lemon juice, and-"
Dexter kicked hard under the table, meaning to kick Ed... but he kicked Roxanne instead.
"Ooowww!" Roxanne cried.
Dexter winced. "Oops."
"What's the matter, Roxanne?" Ed asked. "Is it your butt?"
"NO!" Roxanne glared.
"Ya know, maybe we should play a game?" Thor suggested as he finished off his next pizza slice.
"Yeah! Uh, whatta you say we start puttin' on the miniature golf course?" Dexter added, agreeing as he was hoping to smooth things over.
Dexter and Monique quickly finished off their corn dogs and went on to the golf course ahead of Ed and Roxanne.
But Ed wasn't far behind them. "Let's go, Roxanne." he said, getting up from the table.
"Ed... can't we go somewhere and be alone?" Roxanne asked as she stepped in front of him and stood very close, playing with his tie as she spoke. "Well, maybe we could... talk? Maybe we could get to know each other a little better? Now, doesn't that sound like more fun than miniature golf?"
Ed looked deep into her beautiful eyes as he considered her question, then said, "No. C'mon!" He turned and hurried after Dexter and Monique.
Sighing with frustration, Roxanne followed close behind.
"How 'bout you guys?" Thor asked Cherry and Lionel. "You wanna play mini golf?"
"Eh, since we're here," Cherry shrugged. "At least it's not as boring and mundane as the professional game that my dad used to put on when I just wanted to watch something more exciting like cartoons." she then added.
"Take the little victories, I suppose." Lionel shrugged.
At the first hole, Monique went first. She putted the ball and it rolled directly toward the cup… closer… closer… but it stopped just short of dropping in.
"So close and yet so far," Dexter said, taking her place. "My turn." Dexter putted, and the ball zipped way past the cup.
Monique giggled. "So, this is your first time."
Smirking, Dexter said, "Yeah, keep talkin', just keep talkin'."
"Who's next?" Cherry asked.
"My turn!" Ed called. He put a ball on the tee, grabbed a putter, and settled into position. He stretched first one arm, then the other. Then he stuck out his butt, and wiggled his hips back and forth as he shifted his weight back and forth from one foot to the other, back and forth. He rolled his head loosely on his neck, scraped his shoes on the AstroTurf-covered concrete, cleared his throat, wiggled his butt some more…
Lionel and Thor pulled Cherry out of the way so she wouldn't get hurt as they could sense some slapstick on its way.
Dexter rolled his eyes as Monique giggled into her palm.
Looking very impatient, Roxanne stepped forward just as Ed was about to swing. "Ed, can't we just—" she began, but before she could finish, Ed's backswing smacked her right in the face. She fell flat on her back with an ugly grunt.
Ed followed through, shouting, "Fore!" and sent the ball whizzing through the air. It hit one of the rotors on the windmill and began to ricochet wildly!
With a pained groan, Roxanne clambered to her feet, rubbing her sore face.
The ball continued to ricochet madly, making its way around them, and it would've come right back to Ed from behind... if Roxanne had not been in the way. Instead, the ball nailed her on the back of the head, and she fell flat on her face with another grunt.
The golf ball bounced over to Ed's feet. He picked it up, then went to Roxanne's side, leaned down, and said, "Your turn!"
"I don't think she's even conscious." Cherry commented as they looked down at Roxanne.
"I'm not sure she even has a pulse right now." Thor remarked.
Lionel checked via a stethoscope. "...no, still alive. Just out cold."
10 minutes later, they were all back in the Burger Mobile, having decided to cut their evening short. Dexter sat in the backseat with his arm around Monique's shoulders. Roxanne sat up front with Ed, who drove as he told her his life story, which seemed even longer than his life.
"Then when I was 6, I said my very first word," Ed continued. "My mom thinks it was 'trousers,' but I'm pretty sure it was 'tweezers.' Anyway, when I was 9, I went to summer camp. I'll never forget-"
"Ed?" Dexter said. "She's still unconscious, man."
Ed turned to Roxanne. Sure enough, she was still out cold. Ed said, "Uuuhhh... no?"
A few minutes later, with Roxanne still unconscious beside him, Ed drove the Burger Mobile into the parking lot of Good Burger and pulled verrrry slooowly and verrrry caaarefully into a parking space. Then he pounded his foot onto the brake pedal, bringing the car to a sudden, grinding halt. Roxanne flew forward in her seat and slammed her head against the dashboard. She sat up suddenly, sputtering and wincing.
"That woke her up!" Ed said happily.
Cherry cupped her mouth and snickered, unable to help it.
"Cherry!" Thor whispered firmly.
"Oh, come on. That was funny." Cherry defended innocently.
"What happened?" Roxanne asked.
"You nearly died." Thor said, almost like Pumbaa the Warthog.
"Your head hit my golf ball, then you went sleepy-bye." Ed explained.
Roxanne felt her head and face and groaned in pain, but quickly pulled herself together, giving Ed another forced smile.
In the backseat, Dexter asked, "Uh, Monique, you wanna take a walk?
"Sure." The girl said.
"Hey, wait!" Ed said over his shoulder. "What am I supposed to do?"
Roxanne cleared her throat loudly and said, "Uh, hello?"
Ed smiled at her, said, "Hello," and then turned back to Dexter. "So, what am I supposed to do?"
As she got out of the car with Dexter, Monique said with a wink, "I'm sure Roxanne will help you figure something out."
Dexter and Monique got out of the Burger Mobile and walked slowly across the parking lot together. Lionel, Thor, and Cherry climbed out and went to keep an eye on Ed, making sure that Roxanne didn't try anything...o r succeed.
"Don't you three have somewhere else to be?" Roxanne glared at Cherry, Lionel, and Thor.
"No." Lionel replied.
"Not really." Thor added.
"We're on our own date and you're on yours." Cherry concluded.
Roxanne mumbled at that a little.
"Are you cold?" Dexter asked.
"What tipped you off?" Monique asked. "Was it the shivering, or my chattering teeth?"
"Actually, it was that big icicle growing on your butt," Dexter said, taking off his jacket. He put it around her shoulders. As they walked on, Monique took Dexter's hand, which surprised him just a little. "So, uh, you like me?" he asked.
"Of course," she replied, smiling. "So, uh… you like me?"
"You kiddin'? I liked you the first day I saw you. Right off the bat. I guess it was the same way for you, too, huh?"
"Actually," Monique said, "I thought you were self-centered and obnoxious."
"Ah. Well, so much for my self-esteem."
"I changed my mind, though, didn't I?"
"Yeah," Dexter said. "How come?"
"Ed."
"'Scuse me?"
"Ed thinks you're a really great guy. Even along with that group who came to Good Burger to help us all out," Monique replied before listing examples. "He always talks about what good friends you all are to him, and about what nice, caring people you are."
"Really? He said all that?" Dexter asked. He turned his head so Monique couldn't see him wince as he thought about his "contract" with Ed.
"Yeah," Monique said. "Ed is the sweetest, most genuine person I've ever met." She stopped walking and turned to face Dexter. "Anyone he likes so much can't be all bad." She leaned forward and gave him a long, warm kiss.
Dexter would have enjoyed it a lot more if he weren't so preoccupied with the lump of guilt in his chest.
Thor got out a blanket and went to set it out so that he, Lionel, and Cherry could watch the stars. "This reminds me of when we're on nightly stakeouts together and nothing's going on for a while." he then said to the two of them.
"Yeah, me too," Lionel nodded. "...thanks for the blanket."
Meanwhile, Ed and Roxanne had gotten out of the Burger Mobile and were leaning against the side of the car together.
"So, Ed," Roxanne said, taking Ed's hand, "what do you want to do?"
"Well... I've always wanted to shave a possum!" Ed replied.
Roxanne closed her eyes a moment, trying to contain her frustration. Then she smiled and said, "I mean... what do you want to do with me?"
"Well, I guess I could shave a possum with you," Ed said. He let go of her hand, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a disposable razor. "Got a possum?"
Roxanne took the razor from his hand and tossed it over her shoulder as she stepped in front of him. "Look at me, Ed."
"I'm lookin'." Ed said.
"What do you see?"
"Uh, I see a red lump on your forehead where the golf club hit you."
"Look into my eyes, Ed."
Ed's eyes widened as he stared deeply into Roxanne's. She leaned so close to him that their faces were almost touching. "Ed?" she whispered in a breathy, sexy voice. "Tell me how you make your sauce, and I will give you anything you want."
"Whatcha got?" Ed asked.
"For starters? How about... this~" Roxanne threw her arms around Ed to kiss him, but before their lips touched, Ed reacted instinctively. He grabbed her arm and Judo-flipped her onto her back with a thud.
"Sorry!" Ed exclaimed. "But you surprised me!"
Roxanne lay on her back, cross-eyed and groaning.
"Oh, my God," Cherry chuckled and snickered behind her hand. "I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help it."
Eventually, Roxanne got back up and was in very much pain, limping away.
"Hey! Don't ya want a ride home or somethin'?" Ed asked Roxanne.
"I'M FINE WITH WALKING, JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!" Roxanne told him out of sheer frustration.
"Jeez, I wonder where she's in such a hurry to go to?" Thor pondered.
"I wouldn't worry about it, big guy," Cherry replied. "Let's just watch the stars."
"Sounds good t'me!" Lionel responded as he laid down on the blanket, gazing skyward.
Cherry and Thor lay down on either side, joining him in stargazing.
The next morning, Roxanne hobbled into Kurt's office on crutches. She wore a bandage on her forehead, a sling on her arm, her hair was a mess, and she was furious. "...I QUIT!" she shouted, just before tripping over her own crutches and falling on her face.
Kurt sat behind his desk, flanked, as usual, by Troy and Griffen.
"I'm guessing," Griffen said, "she didn't get the sauce recipe."
"I am aware," Kurt growled. He clenched his fists, wondering if he would ever be able to get the recipe for Good Burger's hugely successful sauce.
"So can I help out now or what?" Sam asked as she filed her nails while sitting at a desk with her feet up.
"Don't you have a home, kid?" Kurt asked. "Where are your parents?"
"Beats me," Sam shrugged. "Mom said she was going on vacation and she didn't tell me where she was going and she would be gone for three months. I usually hang around Carly and Freddie, but I want in on this Mondo Burger deal to make iCarly more successful." she then added.
"Ain't you already famous or somethin'?" Troy asked Sam.
"Sure, but I could use more power," Sam said with a toothy grin. "Carly could definitely use it too since she's my main girl."
"What about that kid who runs the camera?" Griffen asked. "Is he important too?"
"Fredward?" Sam scoffed and rolled her eyes. "All he does is use the camera. The show is really just me and Carly." she then added, sounding rather boastful.
"Ah... fine," Kurt shrugged. "Sure. Whatever plan you've got can't be worse than anything we came up with already."
"No, it can't," Sam smirked. "Just throw in 10 Mondo Burgers and you have a deal."
Kurt rolled his eyes and soon pulled down a string which made multiple Mondo Burgers rain down on top of the blonde tomboy.
"Mama loves her meat~" Sam grinned once she popped out of the pile.