Grissom awoke after a restless sleep, automatically reaching across the bed to pull Sara back into his arms. He'd kept her close until he had fallen asleep, not waking when she obviously rolled away from him. When he was met with cold sheets, he opened his eyes and looked across to see that Sara was no longer there. Any other time he wouldn't have worried, but after the last two days…Sighing heavily he rubbed his eyes tiredly before shifting his body to sit up against the pillows. He knew she hadn't slept well either, and that was entirely his fault. He'd allowed himself to be consumed by Heather once again, and had hurt Sara in the process.
He looked across at the clock on the bedside table and saw that only four hours had passed since they had both crawled into bed. He was exhausted, but he knew he couldn't leave things so out of balance between himself and Sara. She deserved an explanation…he just hoped she would listen to him. He'd told her that they would talk about it today, but in all honesty, he really didn't know where to start. How do you tell the one woman you love that there is another person who sometimes occupies your thoughts.
Moving closer to the edge of the bed, he groaned when his spine protested. Swinging his legs over the side of the mattress, he hauled himself out of bed and went in search of Sara, hoping she would allow him to explain everything to her.
The drapes were open and sunlight bathed the living room in bright rays. His eyes scanned the apartment, but there was no sign of her. Moving further into the room, he looked around the kitchen, and then the door leading to the tiny balcony, but she wasn't there either.
"SARA…" he called out, panic starting to sweep through him. Her apartment was the size of a shoe box, and if she wasn't in any of the rooms, then it was obvious she wasn't here. He looked around for a note, anything to indicate where she could be. Seeing nothing, he moved back towards the bedroom, trying to ignore the churning inside his stomach. Reaching for his pants, he hurriedly pulled them on and was in the process of grabbing his polo shirt when he heard the key in the front door, relief instantly settling around him.
Sara ushered Hank into the small apartment and gently stroked behind his ear before she moved towards the kitchen cupboard to take two large metal bowls from the shelf. She smiled down at him fondly as he patiently waited for her to fill his bowl with kibble, and wagged his tail enthusiastically when she put it on the floor for him.
"You're a good boy," she cooed down at him, smiling when his tail wagged as she spoke. Filing the other bowl with water, she placed it onto the floor next to him and patted his back before she moved towards the coffee pot.
"Hey," Grissom's voice startled her as she was placing coffee scoops into the filter.
Glancing behind her, she offered him a smile. "Hey. I thought you'd still be asleep."
Grissom watched her as she moved fluidly, taking two mugs out of the cupboard to place them on the counter. Her movement didn't appear to indicate she was still angry with him, and he felt a small measure of relief fill him. Even though she still had her back to him, the fact that she offered him a smile, kept him hopeful at least. Still, he kept silent for a few more moments, unsure where to start in his attempts at an explanation.
Hank, hearing his voice, suddenly came hurtling around the breakfast bar and hurried towards him, his tail wagging vigorously.
"Hey buddy," he grinned, patting the dogs head in greeting before glancing up at Sara again. "You didn't have to go and pick him up, I could have done that."
"I was up anyway," she shrugged. "You were asleep."
Grissom continued to stroke the Boxer's head, scratching behind his ear, all the while keeping a close eye on the woman in the kitchen. He had never known such silence between them, not since before they had got together. He needed to fix this, whatever this was. His mind was trying to formulate the words that would help ease their situation, so with one final pat on Hank's head he slowly moved towards her, hoping to reconcile some semblance of normality between them. He knew he needed to tell her everything, but he spoke honestly with the first thing that came into his head.
"I can't sleep without you," he told her, his gaze holding hers as he stepped towards her. His words were meant to be comforting; his way of telling her he never did anything to cause her to doubt his love for her…but when the smile slipped from her face, he knew he'd made a mistake.
Sara watched him for a moment, anger sweeping through her body. She wanted to yell at him and tell him he was an inconsiderate ass, but she knew arguing about it wasn't going to do either of them any good. So instead, she turned away from him to pick Hank's empty food bowl from the floor to place it in the sink.
"Sara…"
"How many times have you stayed with her?" she asked, keeping her back to him as she spoke.
"What…" Grissom moved closer, aching to convince her that there would never be another woman for him. But when she spoke again, the words he wanted to say died on his lips.
"On your nights off, when I'm working…" she turned around then, regarding him with a guarded gaze. "Do you go to her?"
Her question threw him. His mouth opened and closed as he tried to fathom what she was asking him. How could she think that?
"Sara…no…never. I would never do that to you."
"Two days ago, I never would have thought you could do that to me either…" she all but whispered. "I feel like I've had the ground pulled out from under me."
Hank, sensing the atmosphere in the room, made his way towards the sofa and jumped up, laying down on the cushions to watch his people staring at each other.
Not noticing their dog's movements, Grissom shook his head and moved swiftly towards her, desperate to hold her, but instead, he placed both of his hands on the tops of her arms.
"Sara, how could you think I could do that?" Moving one of his hands up to her face, he brushed his thumb across her cheek. "Honey…I love you."
Sara closed her eyes, causing the pooling tears to tumble over her cheeks. Opening her eyes again, she sniffed back the raw emotion building in her throat and placed her hand over his on her face.
"You forgot that when you went to her…" her voice rose a little as she spoke, trying to quash the anger that was building in her. "Just like when you left for a month. You never told me that time either."
"Sara," Grissom pulled his hand from her face and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. His own eyes watered with the hurt radiating from her body. "I'm sorry…I know I should have called, but I didn't think…"
Sara slowly pulled out of his arms to regard him for a moment, before she shook her head, irritated with herself for forgiving him so easily.
"What didn't you think?" She asked, unable to keep the exasperation from her voice. "That I wouldn't hear about you being her alibi? That I wouldn't find out that you decided to spend the night with a woman you used to sleep with? Did you think I'd just accept that?"
"I didn't sleep with her," he ground out, his own desperation turning to annoyance. "I spent the night drinking tea and talking to my friend…and don't tell me if it was Nick or Greg, you wouldn't do the same!"
"Of course I would," she told him angrily. "But I would have told you where I would be, so you wouldn't spend the whole night doubting, and comparing yourself to someone you knew was so much better than you were."
The fight suddenly drained from Grissom's body. He hadn't thought about her, how hadn't he realised how upset she would be? He reached for her again, desperate to erase the desolation in her eyes. He opened his mouth, her name on his lips when she met his gaze…but before he could speak, begging her to believe him, she spoke again, causing his heart to shatter.
"I won't be the…other woman," she told him brokenly, causing him to yank her against him, holding her in a vice like grip.
"Honey…no…"
"I won't share you with her," her voice was muffled against his shoulder as she clung to him, returning his embrace despite feeling so utterly sad.
Grissom held her tighter, his lips peppering soft kisses against her ear. "Never, my love…never…"
They stayed encircled in each other's arms, neither of them releasing the other. Sara's eyes were tightly closed as she allowed his warmth to seep into her body. The doubt was still there, but the anger had given way to hurt. There was no point going over it again and again…no words would erase what he'd done. She just had to learn to accept it.
After a few moments, Grissom slowly began to ease backwards to press his lips against her forehead. He loved her, so very much, and he knew he would do his very best to never hurt her again. Pulling away, his eyes scanned her tear filled eyes as he lifted his hand to wipe the small droplet away from her cheek.
"I love you," he told her again, "I'll tell you every day, every single hour if I need to…there's no one but you, honey…no one."
Sara really wished she could stay angry. But this whole nightmare would only fester if she didn't try to put it behind her, but that didn't mean she was going to completely let him off the hook. Her eyes scanned his, noting how his deep blue orbs were filled with worry and regret. In that moment, she knew she would forgive him, how could she not? He was clueless, but he was also faithful…and it was only her trust in him that kept her from staying mad.
"Don't do it again," Sara warned him then, fixing him with a heavy stare. "Next time I won't be here when you get back."
"There won't be a next time," he promised her, knowing he meant every single word. "If she needs my help again, I'll tell you first, or take you with me."
Sara nodded, sighing heavily as she slowly pulled from his arms. "Is she going to be okay?"
Grissom's breath left him when she asked about Heather, and he suddenly realised how close he'd come to losing this beautiful woman.
"I think so," he told her with a smile. "I managed to convince her ex husband to allow her to see her granddaughter. That's where I was this morning…"
"Okay," she nodded. "At least she has something to focus on."
"Yeah," he agreed, his gaze washing over her. "I really am sorry I didn't tell you."
She simply nodded her head and turned back to the hissing coffee pot. "Then you can go and pick up some blueberry muffins and creamer…I don't have much here since we're always over at your place."
Grissom felt a surge of love mixed with relief wash over him. He moved closer to wrap his arms around her from behind. Resting his chin on her shoulder, his breath fanned her hair as he held her close.
"I'll get you anything you want," he whispered as his fingers found their way beneath her shirt to trace patterns over her skin. "And when I get back, I'm going to show you how much I love you."
Sara could feel her heart beating faster, all traces of anger fading away. After the last few days, she needed to feel him. She needed more than his reassurances that he loved only her. Taking a shaky breath, she turned in his arms, capturing his face in the palms of her hands. She searched his eyes desperately, hoping he could see how much his actions had hurt her. She wanted him to take it all away, all the hurt, all the anger and doubt…
"Show me now," she told him in a whisper as she leaned forward to press a hard kiss against his lips.
Grissom returned her kiss eagerly with a bruising one of his own, pouring every ounce of love into her. He could feel her sinking into his body as they both tried to replace the hurt with nothing but love.When they slowly started to draw away to rest their foreheads together, he breathed out her name before pulling back to take her hand. He briefly noticed Hank's head lift from the cushions on the couch, before they made their way back towards the bedroom.
In this moment, the two lovers came back together again, hurt and anger melting away, as Grissom proceeded to kiss her, leaving her in no doubt that she was the woman he loved. And afterwards, when they laid in each other arms, sated and incredibly happy, every trace of Heather Kessler faded away…