8/7/23 A/N: I've been playing nothing but Baldur's Gate 3 since it's release and I'm OBSESSED with Astarion.
Chapter 16
The One Where They Call The Fire Department
.
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Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him - Sakura's heart ardently urged in tandem with each frenzied beat.
He was there, in her space, breathing her air and being an overall menace to her emotional wellbeing. His unpredictable behavior was in juxtaposition to her entire nature.
Plans gave structure, which was both familiar and comforting. Yet, Hidan, whether intentional or not, bulldozed through each and every one. It was equally impressive, as it was annoying - a feat Sakura originally thought only Naruto capable of.
To be fair, coming down in his shirt had been a choice, but rather than eliciting the usual satisfying flustered reaction, he disarmed her with consistent capriciousness. An annoying contradiction in its own right.
Their banter was lighthearted, it barely deserved to be called flirtatious, but this was different in a way that made the space between them feel tight - heavy, even.
Hidan eased back slightly, and Sakura, with a twinge of embarrassment, realized it had been her that moved forward.
The newly acquired minuscule of space had freed the grip the Moment had on her brain, and distantly, as if through a fog, she heard a phone ringing. Some dots connected and Sakura deduced it was Hidan's, seeing how she had left her own phone upstairs.
The ringing persisted, but Hidan remained unfazed, and Sakura didn't dare take her eyes off him.
Slowly, Sakura dared to tilt her head up - and with a flutter in her chest that could've been interpreted as delight - she watched Hidan's attention snap to her lips.
What do you want to do now, Sakura wondered, mentally urging him to do… something. There was no time to ponder the consequences of such a Something until after that Something took place.
Hidan swallowed. Dark silver brows furrowed in concentration. "Sa—"
The ringing began again. She hadn't realized it had stopped in the first place.
Irritation sparked in his eyes enticingly, but Sakura blinked and the Moment was over. Hidan stepped back and looked at his phone with an annoyed, tsk, before answering.
The tension disappeared so quickly, it almost felt like it was never there at all - like it was nothing more than a figment of the imagination, albeit a horny figment. But as Sakura released a deep breath to calm her nerves, the room seemed to sigh along with her and without Hidan invading her bubble with innuendos and cake, she had time to realize - what the fuck almost transpired. In her kitchen, of all places - the least sexy room of all rooms.
A curse slipped from Hidan, drawing Sakura out of her thoughts of sexy rooms and making out in them.
"Yeah, I'll come." Hidan rolled his eyes and hung up without a bye.
"You're leaving?" Sakura deduced, careful to mask the disappointment. To have someone call him away in the middle of the night...? Familiar dread settled like a stone in the pit of her stomach.
In an effort to ease its discomfort, Sakura reminded herself that one, Hidan was not like Nagato, and two, Hidan also did not owe her a single thing. Besides, what more could she do - she was already blackmailing the poor dude. Next would be, what? - kidnapping?
"Kisame is stuck in a slide at some park." Hidan explained with not an ounce of amusement at the absurdity of said statement. "Deidara needs help getting him out."
"Huh." The words sunk a little deeper. "Oh." In a poor attempt, Sakura concealed her laughter behind a series of coughs.
Hidan sighed dramatically, a slight shake of his head despite concealing his own grin. "It's not funny when you're the poor fuck who has to go get him out."
"Such a selfless friend. I'm sure there's an award out there somewhere for friends getting friends out of park slides." Sakura managed through another fit of giggles.
Hidan ignored her in favor of boxing up the remaining cakes and beelining to the fridge. When he lingered longer than necessary after being presented the inwards of the fridge, Sakura became curious.
"What?" Sakura wiped a tear from her eye as the last of her giggles abated.
"You don't have any food in your fridge." Hidan said.
"What?" Sakura went to look as Hidan passed her to gather their dishes into the sink.
It was not that long ago she went grocery shopping, there should've been plenty in there. More than enough for another few days of meals.
Inside was… nothing.
Sakura looked back sharply, half expecting to be cast in a look of shame with a hint of, I told you so. Hidan, however, remained diligently focused at the sink - the sound of running water barely registered in her mind.
The fridge was a sad sight. Not counting the newest addition of cakes to the barren cold tundra, two bottles of condiments rattled obnoxiously on the door's compartment - mayo and ketchup - and two lone flan cups sat beside 3 cans of beer.
Sakura figured now wasn't the best time to let Hidan know a flan cup with a beer was considered a meal in this household.
"This…" Sakura pursed her lips before closing the door with a pat to the handle. "This isn't so bad. Pudding and beer are basically the cornerstones of the food pyramid."
Hidan shot an exasperated look over his shoulder while he shook his wet hands above the sink. "You're eating like you're some poor Victorian peasant from the 1600s."
"It could be worse, I could have… no mayo."
"You're right. Thank fuck for mayo." He made his way towards her with an amused smirk, taking the forgotten towel that had still rested on her shoulders to wipe his hands dry.
When he had reached forward, Sakura thought he was going to grab her and continue where they had left off. It stunned her thoroughly enough she ignored him tossing the towel carelessly onto the counter. Were her brain not addled with fantasies of making out, Sakura would have driven home the notable differences between kitchen towels and shower towels, and that they were not to be intermingled.
But as it currently stood, he was just too hot - honestly it was unfair. So so so unfair.
The dream opened a door to a new form of torture; it amplified everything he did. A quirk of his lips, brow, a movement of his hand, eyes, literally everything managed to rattle the newfound attraction and it was driving Sakura nuts.
"I washed your dishes by the way. There was a cup and another plate in there also so I figured I'd just wash 'em too."
"Oh." A brief respite from the insanity. Sakura looked past him towards the drying rack where, indeed, the other dishes now dried.
A wave of affection swelled so suddenly, Sakura found herself blinking away blurriness in her vision. By no means was it a grand gesture, but… he had washed her dishes.
He washed her dishes.
Sakura, with no other outlet for the feelings but still in desperate need to show appreciation, stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his middle, not caring how strange the gesture might've appeared. He was so unpredictable, she was allowed some spontaneity.
"Thank you." She spoke into his work uniform.
"You're welcome…?" His confusion was evident, but he securely wrapped his arms around her all the same, returning the embrace with more confidence than expected.
And for a moment, they stood there - silently enjoying the comfort of one another. Intimate in its own unique way that making out in front of cakes in the most unsexy of rooms could never replicate.
Until Hidan's phone rang again.
"Fuuuuuuuck, they're so fucking annoying." Hidan groaned in frustration before he hefted Sakura up, shifting his arms under her thighs as she squealed in protest.
"Hidan!" Her legs instinctually wrapped around his waist and her face burned a fierce blush. This was some horny déjà vu.
"You wanna come with me?" He asked while he walked them to the front door as if, regardless of the answer, he was determined to take her.
Elation won over the shock, and Sakura nodded her assent.
The tips of his ears were pink, and he looked so cute like that, Sakura considered running her hands from their place on his shoulders, up his neck to cup his face and lean in. Instead, she wiggled in his grasp so he'd let her go, calling back that she was going to change into something warmer as she ascended the stairs.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
If Hidan had been a better man, he wouldn't have watched Sakura prance up the stairs in those tight shorts, entranced. But since that was not the case, he appreciated her ass silently before slipping outside.
One full body shake later - to disperse the remaining horny thoughts - and Hidan beelined for the car, intent on warming it up in anticipation for its new passenger.
Once inside, Hidan began to think. And think. And think some more. And quite frankly, he was tired of fucking thinking. He was a man of action, a man that couldn't keep his wiggles in even if his life depended on it. Kisame, at seemingly every opportune moment, delighted in tormenting him about it.
The way she had wrapped her legs around him had Hidan praying to every god he knew not to pop a hard-on right then and there. Sheer force of will power kept the impure thoughts away. And thinking of Kisame naked helped too. He considered Itachi first, but truthfully the guy was too hot for his own good. Fucking bastard.
Now, however, it felt as though he fucked up a once in a lifetime chance of crossing beyond the threshold of wherever the fuck This was. The This that consisted of him being a looooong armlengths from Sakura who sat over-the-fuck-yonder on the other side of the emotional ravine. Hidan could sulk and watch from his side - a situation that was unlikely to ever happen again.
At least she enjoyed the cake, Hidan soothed his aching pride. All the what ifs of kisses and newly sprouted crushes were shoved into a box and pushed into a far corner of his mind.
"Hi." Sakura greeted as she opened the door, startling him.
"Hey." Hidan hastily lowered the heat, turning it down to a nice summer breeze rather than the power of the fucking sun. He noted she put a green hoodie over his shirt and black leggings to replace the shorts. Fucking goddamn shame.
"So where's this park?" She asked as she clicked in the seatbelt.
Hidan pulled away from the curb. "Down the street. It's Whirlpool Park."
The drive was stupidly short - like 3 blocks away short. Not enough time for any proper teasing or flirting, but whatever, Hidan would find more time for it.
Whirlpool park was a ridiculously small park on the corner of Sakura and Deidara's neighborhood. Despite residing on a corner, the park was encased with an assortment of trees, all varying shapes and sizes, giving the illusion of privacy in a circular motion. A small, waist-high, metal gate followed the sidewalk that lined half of it, and near the entrance, past a see-saw that looked to have seen better days, lied the jungle gym. Kisame's prison was painted blue and red and the spiral slide only the big oaf would ever consider fitting into was an obnoxious orange. Towards the back, in a small circle of sand, a trio of swings swayed gently in the midnight breeze.
From the sidewalk, Hidan took in the sight of Deidara sitting at the entrance of the slide, gazing at his phone, while an ominous hum in the unmistakable tone of, Lay All Your Love On Me came from the exit.
"I'm here, fuckers." Hidan announced as he hopped over the small fence - his foot clipped the metal causing him to almost fall, but he stuck the landing. The earlier randiness itched to have him do stupid shit. "And I brought your bestie so she can see what an idiot you are."
"Good thing you're here then. We were fresh out of idiots 'til you showed up." Kisame retorted from his plastic prison.
Deidara snorted a laugh and Hidan grunted.
Hidan chose the side with a small ladder to climb up, which was both equal parts awkward and annoying. Once on the small platform behind Deidara, Hidan could see Kisame's head peering up at them, a huge grin splitting his face.
"What's up, shitter? Having a good night?"
"Actually yeah, I was, until I got called to deal with… this." Hidan gestured towards the bigger man's prone form. From this vantage point, Hidan noticed a steep set of stairs opposite of where the ladder he climbed up was. Sakura stood on the last step, her hands gripping the side railings as she leaned forward and smiled sweetly at Kisame.
"You okay in there?"
"If you answer yes, I'm going to leave and go home." Deidara tucked his phone away and stood up with a groan.
"I'm minutes away from hysterics." Kisame answered with a sniffle.
"He's been in there for - I don't know, thirty minutes?" Deidara shrugged carelessly. He took a step back to make room for Sakura to squeeze onto the small platform with them.
Hidan didn't move when she inched towards his side, their arms pressed flush against one another. That little box in the corner of his mind rattled its satisfaction.
Deidara, who refused to spend a second more of acknowledging that, busied himself with a yawn instead. "I thought he was joking about being stuck at first, but twenty minutes seemed like a long time to dedicate to a bit."
"In any other case, it would be applauded." Kisame chimed in.
"And I'm the idiot?" Hidan scoffed.
"It looks like his shoulders are where he's mostly stuck. They're too big." Sakura noted, mostly to herself as she got a closer look.
"Thank you. It truly is a blessing and a curse to have such a great physique."
"Shut up, un. The park rules say ages 5 and up for a reason."
"And up."
"… I guess it is kind of vague." Sakura said at length.
"Sakura, don't encourage the bastard."
Deidara knelt down before the entrance, motioning Hidan to do the same. "I can't push him out myself. Pulling him is just as hard, un."
"Pushing him all the way sounds like a workout I'm not prepared to commit to. And," Hidan rotated his wrists. "I have delicate wrists."
Kisame snorted "You didn't say that when you were jacking m—"
"We could try pulling again. Might be easier with you here, un." Deidara said after placing a hand over Kisame's mouth with a glare. Hidan agreed and proceeded to ruffle Kisame's hair with glee.
Behind them, Sakura bit back a smile and watched as each of the men squabble with one another - Deidara declaring Kisame disgusting for licking his hand, Kisame promising Hidan bodily harm once freed, and Hidan threatening to wet-willy Kisame.
Eventually they maneuvered themselves into position - both men with a twisted fistful of Kisame's shirt, while they braced their other hand against the lip of the slide for leverage. On the count of 3, they both tugged and tugged and tugged. Kisame barely budged an inch.
They tried again 2 more times before taking a break.
"How the fuck did you even get that far in!" Hidan panted. "And who the fuck goes down a slide like that!" He pinned his arms to his side with a bewildered stare.
If he could, Kisame probably would've shrugged. But he was the idiot stuck in the slide, so he couldn't. "If only you had stronger wrists, huh."
Hidan groaned. Not only was he hot, tired, and annoyed, he was still fucking hungry. He could've been back at Sakura's, eating cake or whatever concoction she could've made with the scraps in her fridge and doing god knows what else and having the time of his fucking life.
Instead he got cockblocked by these idiots.
Sakura squatted down with them, knees pulled against her chest and her arms wrapped loosely around them. She looked deep in thought as she stared at Kisame. Hidan couldn't help but feel bad. This was likely not at all what she was expecting - in fact, this whole thing was taking a lot longer than he thought it would. At this rate, Sakura was probably bored out of her damn mind, but too nice to say that she wanted to go home.
"I'm gonna look up the fire department's number, un." Deidara announced, already typing things into his phone.
"Uh, no. Call Itachi!" Kisame said. The first notes of panic finally entered his voice.
"You know as well as I do he sleeps with his phone on do not disturb. Beauty sleep or whatever he says." Deidara scoffed. "Besides, he'd probably just come to insult us and leave anyway."
Sakura blinked back into focus. "That doesn't sound like Itachi."
"The bastard has many sides." Hidan explained.
Sakura hummed and resumed her intense watch over Kisame while Deidara got up from his spot and made his way down the steep stairs, phone pressed against his ear.
"I'll be right back." He called over his shoulder.
"I think I'm gonna give it a shot." Sakura declared a moment after moving into position to grab Kisame's shirt with both hands.
Instead of trying to dissuade her since Kisame was an unreasonably large human being weighing over 200 pounds, Hidan watched, not only surprised by her declaration, but amused. With her surprising strength, she tugged - and just when he moved an inch up, his shirt ripped. Two matching tears, about 2 inches long. Hidan threw his head back and barked out a laugh so loud it was sure to wake the neighborhood - if not, then at least startle a poor family of racoons.
Sakura gasped in horror and tried patting the pieces back into place. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry - your shirt!"
"Goddamn." Kisame whistled, not at all perturbed by his newly ruined attire. "No apology needed. It was a pleasure being the focus of your strength - honestly, I have more shirts at home that need to be ripped."
"Okay." Hidan reached forward to aggressively tousle Kisame's hair yet again.
Rather than take the easy opportunity and tease Hidan, Kisame, with his hair sticking out in every which way, asked Sakura about her day.
Still smoothing over the flaps of fabric, Sakura began to recount the day's events. It sounded like any ol' regular shmegular day. A friend brought breakfast, she did some laundry, cleaned around the house yada yada, all boring stuff - except Hidan found it wasn't all that boring to listen to. Mundane, little day to day things that he otherwise wouldn't have paid much mind to before, now had him enthralled. He could ask her to read the nutritional facts of a cereal box and he'd undoubtedly be enraptured. All that she did seemed to catch and hold his attention.
Fucking goddamn fucking pretty little thing. Fuck!
Sick in the head, that's what he was. Absolute fucking delusional over a girl who's grand idea after getting hit by a car was to blackmail the dude. The memory clouded his mind, reminding him, once again, why he was in the presence of Sakura in the first place.
Being used. The ultimate dilemma in his life, currently. Besides arguing with Kakuzu about getting a cat.
Why couldn't they start over and be friends first? To hang out and do stupid shenanigans like waiting with his friends for the fire department to show up in the middle of the night at some park, or visit her after a shift and make sure her fridge actually had sustenance rather than the most random combination of items like a SIM character.
And maybe later, if she felt the same, place another pair of shoes in her doorway - his shoes, mixed amongst hers. He'd wash her dishes everyday if it meant a hug from her just like before.
Gross, Hidan cringed internally. He was such a fucking sap. And a coward.
Earlier, doubt had stopped him from doing what felt like the most natural next step - her looking up at him, a clear indication to kiss. Unless he was that down bad that he was just making shit up. Otherwise it would've been perfect. A kiss, not tainted by their exes like the one at brunch.
Which, oddly enough, still hadn't been brought up.
"They're on their way." Deidara reappeared, halting on the last step. Poor guy looked tired as fuck. Hidan wondered why they were even out here at the park this late in the first place, but decided asking later was probably better.
"Yippie." Kisame intoned.
"What happened to your shirt?" Deidara raised a brow at the disheveled Kisame.
"Sakura." Both Hidan and Kisame answered. Sakura covered her face, embarrassed.
"It was pretty hot." Kisame went on. Hidan nodded in agreement. Sakura continued to hide in her hands.
Deidara rolled his eyes. "A shame I missed it, hm."
"So, do you have any plans for the holidays coming up?" Kisame asked which piqued Hidan's interest. That's right, the holidays. Christmas and New Years were just a handful of days away.
"Nothing really." Sakura began with a little shrug but then her face lit up as she remembered something. "Oh! Actually, I have a New Years party to go to. My friend Sasuke is having one - that's Itachi's younger brother."
All 3 men hmmm'd as if they didn't already know the Little Shit was Itachi's chihuahua of a younger brother.
"Wait, so does that mean Itachi is technically having a party?" Hidan looked to Deidara who appeared equally as confused, and then to Kisame who whistled an innocent tune.
"You knew?" Hidan flatly accused.
"Listen," Kisame began. "I told him to just tell you guys in the group chat, but instead it turned into a big ol' thing. First, he wanted to send everyone letters with a personal invite solely because I bought him a wax seal."
"He's really embracing that 1800s comment you made at tennis." Deidara muttered to Hidan who coughed to disguise his laughter.
"When I told him you fuckers weren't worth a drop of the nice wax that came along with it, he agreed and made a Facebook event instead."
"That's somehow even more prehistoric than the feather quill he probably fucking writes with."
"I don't think I have him as a friend on there, un."
"Itachi's convinced people still use it. He writes happy birthday on your profile's every year."
"... That's oddly touching, but still, what the fuck."
"You'd think after us not responding after a few years he'd just text us instead, un."
"Well," Sakura interjected and stood up. She looked down on Hidan, who, in that moment, decided that this angle did things for him.
Sakura hovered her hand over his right shoulder before tapping it firmly and then in a swift arc over his head, repeated the action on his left. "Consider this your personal in-person invitation. You're hereby invited to the Uchiha family's New Years party. Wear your finest linens, please."
"Did you just knight him?" Deidara craned his head to view the knighting.
"What if I don't have any good linens? Can I show up naked?" Hidan asked in all seriousness.
"What the hell, I want to be knighted too." Kisame said.
Sakura tutted. "You could probably show up naked, but Itachi will not be happy about it. Or Sasuke."
Hidan rolled his eyes with a scoff. "Uchihas ruin all the fun."
The fire truck arrived just as Sakura finished knighting Deidara and Kisame. The siren lights flickered obnoxiously as the firefighters fished out the necessary gear for Kisame's rescue. A spiky dark haired firefighter called Deidara over by his name and once the blonde took a good look at the man, groaned in dismay.
"It's fucking Obito. Which means Itachi is gonna hear about this."
"What did I tell you?" Hidan snorted. "Uchihas ruin all the fun." He took one step down the stairs and jumped off. Looking back, he gave Sakura a grin. "Let's ditch these nerds."
"Scream if you need help." Kisame called after Sakura who made her own way down the steps but not before giving him a thumbs up.
Hidan headed towards the pair of swings, intent on being as far as he could from all the hustle and bustle while also remaining close enough to call it, 'morally supporting a friend in need'.
The metal chains clanked when he sat down and the seat was cold. Idly he began pushing back and forth on his feet, watching Sakura move to the empty swing next to him and really wishing they were still back at her place.
"Sorry you didn't get to eat." She held onto the chains and leaned back.
"Eh, don't worry about it. Sorry if this isn't as exciting as you thought it might be." He chuckled.
A few firefighters huddled on the platform they had previously been on, talking to each other. One of them laughed so the situation must've not been that bad. Hidan watched Obito gesture with his hands as he talked to Deidara. The guy had always been pretty animated like Itachi's other cousin, Shisui.
"It's fine." Sakura said, drawing back his attention. She was looking at him again. "I like hanging out with you."
Hidan felt his face heat up. "Well, I'm cool as fuck, so…"
"Five points for being bold." She laughed.
Speaking of bold…
"Hey—um. I wanted to apologize, by the way."
Her dark pink brows furrowed in confusion and Hidan swallowed his nerves.
"Apologize for…?"
"For kissing you. At brunch the other day." They both had twisted their swings to face one another. "That was super uncool of me to do that without giving you a heads up first. 'Coz you mentioned that time at the park to give you a heads up."
Sakura blinked. "Oh. I did say that, didn't I?" She giggled which was bizarre as fuck to Hidan, but, ultimately, a better outcome than the one in his head. "It's okay." She went on. "It was—um… it was nice."
Hidan blanched. "Nice?" That was nothing close to what he was expecting to come out her mouth. Nice was a crazy fucking way to put it. Nice rattled that fucking box in the corner with a vengeance.
Sakura rolled her eyes and let the swing face forward again. "Yes, nice. It wasn't bad."
"I could do better than nice." Hidan blurted. "That wasn't even a real fucking kiss." His heart pounded in his ears. What the fuck was he saying.
She only laughed which made it worse. What was he to make of that? Was it a good laugh or a bad laugh? Every time she laughed, it twisted his brain further into a confused knot, and that was just unfair, seeing as he already struggled with being a dumbass. Lovesick fool atop of that was just cruel.
"I'M FREE!"
Kisame couldn't have picked a better time to announce his freedom. The firefighters around him clapped in celebration.
"What are bizarre fucking night it's been." Hidan grumbled to himself as he watched Kisame then proceed to shake each firefighter's hand.
After the firefighters departed with a stern warning to Kisame not to squeeze his way into spaces he clearly could not fit into, Hidan insisted it was too late for Sakura to be out with such unhinged company, and promptly left.
Despite the drive being short, it felt unnaturally long and excruciatingly tense - at least, on his part. Once again Hidan was left feeling confused - and frustrated at his confusion. The whole ride back he itched to bring up what happened in the kitchen, since apologizing earlier was a closed avenue on his quest to rewrite their boundaries. With no room to address their arrangement, and therefore modifications, how else was he to bring up his need for friendship, romance, some long make out sessions, and who knows, perhaps a sprinkle of sex here and there.
Come out and just say it? Yeah, right. As if.
Hidan drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, contemplating - weighing options. Damn. Damn it all.
"Sakura—"
"Hidan, I—"
Surprised, Hidan snapped his mouth shut. They were oddly in sync. Aries, or whatever.
"What—"
"Go ahead—"
They were already in front of her house. It was nearing 2AM, but the need to hear what she had to say outweighed the wish to get her home and in bed. In a non-sexual way, obviously.
She moved towards him slightly, and for a moment, Hidan was burdened with anticipation so severe he thought his heart was going to launch its way into his throat and kill him. Was she going to hug him - kiss him?
"Thank you for the cakes. And text me when you get home." She said softly after an agonizing moment, and left the car.
From the driver seat, he watched her walk up to the front door, unlock it, turn and wave and then shut it.
(3) Deidara, Hidan, Kisame
Kisame: Sorry for interrupting your date
Hidan: fuck you, how'd you get stuck in the slide like that anyways? Been bugging me since I got home
Kisame: You tellin me you didn't stay over at Sakura's? -side eye emoji-
Deidara: He went in chanting, I'm a bullet, over and over. I assume your imagination can fill in the rest there
Hidan: and that needed to be done in the middle of the fucking night
Kisame: you guys, I dont have control over when inspiration strikes -silly, quirky, haha, emoji-
A/N: thanks for reading! I know it's been a while, but trust me, this story is on my mind DAILY. Next chapter should finally have some nice payoffs, so woo! lots of exciting things to look forward to! As always, thank you for taking the time to read, I hope you enjoyed it, leave a comment if you want and I will see you in the next chapter.