Author's Note: And now the conclusion of our flashback.

This marks the end of the big flashbacks. From here on out, it's back to the Enterprise-D for some Romulan conspiracy action!

You'll notice a throwback here to the start of the flashback. This is intentional. I wanted to repeat most of what I felt was a powerful scene now that we have a full picture of what led to that moment.

There's a line spoken by Tasha that is taken from The White Princess. It was so fitting. I adored the sentiment but could not rework the metaphor in any way to carry the same oomph.

The entirety of Tasha & Castillo's doomed romance will be explored in full in The Crease in the Fabric of Time.

Please be advised this chapter is the DARKEST portion of this story.

Read with caution.

Content Warning: Strong language, violence, abuse, child abuse, CSA, sexual assault, torture, graphic injury, enucleation, pregnancy/childbirth, miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, self-harm, suicide, character death, murder.

"They're coming for Sela," Tasha realised aloud.

Tasha had nowhere to hide her. She could not stow Sela away. There were surrounded by unliveable terrain in every direction and miles from the nearest Romulan city.

Even if Tasha thought they could make it on their own out in the wilderness, it was late winter. Living on their own was dangerous. Tasha was now blind.

And Sela was far too little.

"They will be coming for her," Richard agreed.

Tasha shook her head and backed away.

"No. No I won't let them. I can't," Tasha said as panic gripped her mind.

Sela squirmed. Mum was holding her too tight again.

Tasha grabbed her guide cane and started off down the row in the opposite direction of camp. She was heading for the woods.

"I'll stay along the river," Tasha said, mumbling her plan aloud. "We can use it to hide from the dogs."

Richard blinked slowly.

He was torn. Tasha would never make it out there on her own. And any attempt to escape was likely to bring Morak's wrath.

Richard could tell she wasn't thinking straight. The Tasha Yar he knew would never simply abandon camp without a plan or supplies.

"Tasha, wait!" Richard called out in a hushed whisper.

He rushed after her, but Tasha showed no signs of stopping. She was speaking to Sela in a soft voice.

"I love you, Sela. I love you so very much," Tasha went on. "And mummy is not going to let them take you away."

"Bye bye?" Sela asked.

She didn't understand.

"If anyone tries to pick you up I want you to hit. And bite. Do you understand?" Tasha asked.

"But hitting bad," Sela answered with a frown.

The world was a confusing place for wee Sela. And at the moment, mum wasn't making much sense.

"Tasha, wait," Richard repeated.

He knew it was too late.

Tasha stopped and wrapped her arms around Sela. She breathed deep, trying hard to denote to memory everything.

The smell of Sela's hair.

The way she felt simultaneously so big and small – big compared to the baby she'd once held but still such a tiny thing in a great big world.

Tasha could hear Morak's guards approaching.

"You are the best thing to ever happen to me," Tasha said against Sela's ear.

She clutched the back of Sela's hair, smiling as she wept.

"And I love you so very much. Promise me that you will be a good girl?" Tasha asked.

Sela rested her head against mum's shoulder as she clutched her shirt. Sometimes mummy would be sad. But she always seemed to perk up when Sela offered her a snuggle.

"Promise me that you will do whatever your father says?" Tasha went on.

She was terrified what Morak might do if Sela were to disobey him. He had no tolerance for it – even from a toddler.

And Tasha couldn't stomach the notion of her daughter being beaten or starved.

"Iu anwylud. Iu Sela. Iu tuula," Tasha whispered.

She kissed the top of Sela's hair.

"Mummy loves you," Tasha assured her.

She didn't want to stop saying it. But with each time she repeated those words, Tasha feared it would the last.

"I love you too, mummy," Sela replied.

"And… and even if mummy has to be away from you, you know that I still love you, right?" Tasha asked.

Sela sat back and frowned.

"No go, mummy," she said.

They did everything together. Sela accompanied Tasha while she worked, riding comfortably against mum in a sling, or playing nearby.

There was no daycare in a prison camp and Sela had been rejected by all the other children.

Mum was provider, parent, and her best friend.

Sela's lip began to quiver.

"No go," she repeated.

She didn't understand. She had vague memories of mum leaving. But that was before when they lived in the big house.

And Mummy always came back.

Commander Jarok had a feeling that Mr Castillo must have tipped them off. Tasha was already clinging to her child, and they were nowhere near her assigned workstation.

He cleared his throat.

"I have come to escort the girl for an audience with the General," Jarok announced.

Tasha put her out and shook her head.

"No. You are not taking her there," Tasha declared.

Tasha picked up on the sound of several disruptors powering up around her. They were surrounded.

"I won't," Tasha said, standing firm. "My daughter stays with me."

"I have orders to take the child. No harm will come to her," Jarok promised.

He understood Tasha's trepidation.

"She will be looked after," Jarok assured her.

Tasha scoffed.

"And tell me, Commander? Can you promise her safety? That she will never know her father's anger? That she will never find herself on the receiving end of a fist?" Tasha asked. "Will she be free to play and read and run like a little girl should be?"

Sela didn't get much opportunity to do those things in a prison camp. But once their work was done for the day, Tasha made sure to provide Sela with playtime, bedtime stories, and a chance to explore.

Jarok knew he couldn't promise her any of those things.

"She will be well looked after. Her own household. She will want for nothing," Jarok said.

Tasha clung to Sela.

"You will never have to wonder if she will be cold again. Or fed. Bathed," Jarok went on.

He was hoping to convince Tasha that this was for the best. Sela would benefit in many ways from a traditional Romulan upbringing.

"She will have the finest tutors. An education beyond anything you can offer her," Jarok continued.

A flash of anger overtook Tasha. It hurt to be reminded of all the things she could never give her daughter.

"I know that you want to keep her safe, to give her the world," Jarok said in a much softer voice.

He approached them and cautiously reached for Sela. She scowled and buried her head against mum.

"She is General Morak's only surviving heir. And she will be treated like a princess," Jarok explained.

Tasha sniffled.

"I don't want her to be a princess. I just want her to be free," Tasha confessed.

After tense negotiations, Jarok relented and allowed Tasha to carry Sela back to the estate. He also permitted her to collect Sela's toys from their shack first.

Jarok promised to show Tasha the quarters that were being prepared for Sela to help settle the girl. He said that he could not make any guarantees, but he saw no reason why Morak would deny her access to her child.

"You may be able to see her from time to time," Jarok said.

"Then she is not to be sent away?" Tasha asked.

It was tradition for a Romulan child to be raised in their own household away from their parents. Morak's sister, Ramdha, was the primary choice for that role. She had overseen the education of several of his other children before they were sent to the education house.

"The General's sister is currently on assignment for the Empire," Jarok explained.

Ramdha was one of the leading experts on Romulan archaeology, philosophy, and religion.

"Alterative arrangements have been made," Jarok said.

In the end, Drusilla had her guards rip a screaming Sela away from her mother's arms.

"Take the brat to her chambers and have her bathed. She's disgusting," Drusilla snapped.

"Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!" Sela screamed.

She did everything mummy said. Sela kicked and screamed. She squirmed and bit. She beat her little fists and even tried playing limp noodle to escape from her captor.

Tasha sat stunned and defeated as Sela was hauled away.

Drusilla cackled.

"It was almost as easy to take away your child as it was to pluck out those lovely eyes," Drusilla said.

She clapped slowly as she mocked Tasha.

"You've done your duty as a consort," Drusilla teased. "This is what it was all for."

Tasha was only half listening as Drusilla explained the new normal of their arrangement.

Sela would be under her care. She would have private tutors and religious lessons. She would undergo a strict regime in order to prepare her for public life as a member of the Imperial family.

Tasha made a noise of protest when Drusilla ordered Sela's toys from the camp burned.

"No, no. You can't. She can't sleep without her baby doll," Tasha protested.

Sela had lost everything.

Again.

She had been ripped from her home, her mother, her very sense of normalcy. It broke Tasha's heart.

Drusilla leaned in close.

"I will stamp out every last human part of that abomination," Drusilla vowed. "And you will never see your daughter again."

An unholy noise escaped from Tasha's throat.

"Spare me," Drusilla drawled. "You never wanted to be her mother in the first place."

Tasha sat on the edge of her bed in silence.

It rained that night.

Hard.

And Tasha could only imagine how frightened her little girl was all alone somewhere in that estate. The old Romulan aristocracy did not believe crying children should be comforted.

Morak had already punished several domestic serfs for trying to soothe Sela when she wailed.

They feared picking them up too often, snuggling, and cuddling would lead to emotional weakness.

Somewhere her daughter was probably crying herself to sleep with no one there to offer a soothing word or a gentle kiss.

It made Tasha ache. She could physically feel the pain of separation.

"Here," Richard said as he offered Tasha a bowl with warm tea.

Tasha pushed it away.

"You have to drink something. It's been hours," Richard said.

She had not eaten, spoken, nor drank anything since losing Sela. Castillo was deeply concerned. He planned to seek a position protecting Sela as soon as Morak returned from the official state funeral for his heir.

"She's right," Tasha said softly.

Richard frowned.

"Drusilla," Tasha said. "She's right. I never wanted her b-but-"

Tasha broke down and sobbed into her hands.

"She's m-m-my-"

Tasha had tried and failed (many times) to end her pregnancy. And there would always be a part of her that regretted never succeeding in that endeavour.

Sela was doomed to be her father's pawn.

Nonetheless, Tasha loved her and could not stomach the thought of her daughter's fate.

"I never wanted this," Tasha clarified.

Pregnancy scared her. Childbirth was terrifying. And the idea of raising a child in this hell is what frightened Tasha the most.

It wasn't that she had never wanted Sela – she never wanted to bring a child here.

"You don't have to explain," Richard assured her.

"Do you really think he will permit you to guard her?" Tasha asked.

Richard smiled.

"I am certain of it," he answered.

Morak had privately ordered him to watch over Sela in the prison camp. He saw no reason that wouldn't extend to her time in the estate too.

"And you'll be certain to-"

"Shhh," Richard said, shushing her as he placed a finger to her lips. "I love her as my own, Tuula. You know that."

"I wish she was," Tasha said softly.

Richard smiled and tucked Tasha's hair back behind her ear.

"If it were up to me, I would take you both to place where he would never touch you again. Either of you," Richard said.

He longed to take them away.

"I would build you a proper home. A little cabin. We could have a garden. And you could get on me for never picking up my socks," Richard teased.

It was enough to make Tasha smile for the first time all day.

"I hope you get to have that someday," Tasha said.

Her wish was genuine, but it was said with a hint of sorrow.

"Why do you say that? Of course, we will. I made a promise to get you both out of here," Richard reminded her as he cupped her face.

Tasha nuzzled against his hand and then pulled back.

"Someday there will come a chance to escape. And you need to go when it comes," Tasha said.

She paused and shook her head, dropping her head as she picked at her fingernails.

"But he's got her now. He will never let Sela go. And I can't leave her," Tasha explained.

Richard stood in silence in the corner of Morak's office. He kept his eyes trained on the window ahead and did his best to ignore the activity at the General's desk.

The General was sitting his chair. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried desperately to focus his attention on the woman that was on her knees before him.

She was his latest consort – the bastard niece of one ally or another that was hoping to find a place in Romulan society for herself.

She was the third consort Morak had taken since dispelling Tasha.

And once more he found it difficult to satisfy himself.

They were all aristocratic bastards or from houses on the fringes of the upper class – money poor but of old bloodlines.

Morak couldn't play the same games with them as he had with his little human pet.

They would talk. They had friends and allies.

There were standards of behaviour that Morak was expected to follow when dealing with these consorts.

Morak pushed her off and she dropped to the floor in a low bow.

"Enough," Morak said with a dismissive wave.

"My lord, I-"

"Shoo!" Morak ordered.

He leaned back in his chair and pinched his nose in frustration.

"Castillo, fetch Jarok. Have him send up one of the serfs for tonight. A pretty one. Have her bathed and brought here. I want her ready for me after I've taken final meal," Morak ordered.

As of late, he'd found other ways to occupy himself.

No one so much as blinked an eye if Morak killed another prisoner with his games. By Richard's count, Morak had already been responsible for the deaths of four of the Romulan serfs.

Morak caught Richard on his way out the door.

"And bring in my little eagle. I want to see how she's progressing," Morak added.

Sela clung to Richard as she was carried into her father's office.

"Come here, child," Morak ordered.

Sela hid behind Richard's leg.

"Come here," Morak said, beckoning her forward.

"Go on," Richard encouraged.

Sela tentatively stepped toward Morak, eying him with suspicion under a curtain of blonde bangs.

Morak towered over her small frame.

"Are you coming along in your lessons?" Morak asked.

Sela blinked. She was almost three and barely knew this man.

"Do you like your tutors?" Morak pressed.

Morak was less than impressed when Sela failed to answer.

"Speak child!" Morak's voice boomed.

Sela cowered in fear. Her bottom lip began to quiver, and she wanted to run back to the safety of Lilo's arms.

Richard knelt down next to Sela and whispered something in her ear as Morak turned back to his desk.

He needed another heir. This one would never do.

"Jolan tru I say to you. Jolan tru good day to you," Sela started to sing in a tiny voice.

She sniffled and wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve before she continued to sing.

Morak turned back and smiled.

He scooped Sela up into his arms as they finished the song together.

"Did you learn that from your tutor?" Morak asked.

Sela nodded.

"Say 'yes, fenthair' when you answer me," Morak instructed.

"Yes, fenthair," they said together.

"Do you know what that means?" Morak asked her.

Sela shrugged.

"Do you know who I am?" Morak pressed.

"Daddy," Sela answered.

Morak pursed his lips.

"Fenthair," he corrected.

2349 | Romulus

Weeks turned to months. Tasha continued her work in the prison camp while Richard watched over Sela. As he suspected, Morak had only to keen to assign Castillo a position guarding Sela.

Richard was a liaison – providing both Morak and Tasha updates on Sela's progress.

And after several months and a close call, Morak had made the decision to reconcile with Tasha. He invited her back into his home.

They had nearly lost Sela to the hands of a rival. For three days, Morak sat vigil at her bedside as Sela's tiny body fought an assassin's poison.

Morak knew he needed another heir, and his latest consorts weren't up to the task.

Once more, Tasha found herself in the position of Morak's consort. It was a role she had accepted only for the chance to be reunited with Sela.

But as Tasha soon learned, their new arrangement kept her largely separated.

Though it wasn't all bad.

Tasha started to accompany Morak on occasion to the Imperial city (among other places).

She had found purpose in passing messages from the prisoners to contacts in the Free Romulan State Dissident movement.

Tasha was back in the main house again. Because of her close proximity to Richard, she got more frequent updates on Sela.

At present, Sela was accompanying her father on a trip to visit Ramdha's estate in a different province. They were to be gone for two weeks and Morak had left instruction for Richard to protect his jewel.

Morak had left her at the estate as he was concerned about taking Tasha along. Ramdha lived in a warm climate – much warmer than humans were accustomed to.

He was concerned that it would bode ill for her health.

To Tasha's great relief, Drusilla had gone with them.

Commander Jarok had been left in charge of the estate for the time being.

There were still attendants that flitted in and out during the day to tend to the bedding and meals. Jarok checked in twice a day to see that Tasha was well cared for.

And technically she was still a prisoner.

Yet for the first time in ages, Tasha felt like she could breathe.

Tasha was listening to a recording of the Romulan Imperial symphony in her quarters. She could feel a hint of sunshine on her skin and longed to go outside.

Suddenly, she sat up.

"Mr Castillo, I would like to take a walk," Tasha announced.

Richard nodded.

"As you wish, my lady," he replied with a low bow.

During the early days of her captivity, Tasha had only been permitted to walk the grounds on occasion with an armed escort of no fewer than six Romulans.

Now Morak permitted her to go alone with Richard.

He had come to accept that her spirit needed a little leeway to wander, or she would fall into the depths of depression.

Morak wanted to keep her happy and healthy in hopes of producing more children.

Tasha took a deep breath as soon as she was outside, relishing in the smell of the garden and all that grew there.

She grinned, pleased to feel the sunshine on her face.

"Come. This way, my lady," Richard said as he offered Tasha his arm.

She made a show of begrudgingly accepting his help. Four years in and their ruse was still going strong. They kept up their charade all through the courtyard and past the orchard.

Tasha felt a rush of excitement as she smelled the difference in the air.

They were now in the forest. The scent of the pine was strong, and they were far from the sounds of the estate.

Tasha rested her head against Richard's shoulder.

"How was she about going?" Tasha asked.

Richard chuckled.

"Excited. She packed her own bag," Richard answered before adding. "Don't worry, I went through everything and made sure it was all set."

Sela had been so eager to go see her aunt. Ramdha was one of the only adults that treated Sela with kindness.

"And her language lessons?" Tasha pressed.

"She's a natural. Just like her mother," Richard replied.

He guided Tasha down the path that led out toward the moors that lay beyond. There was nothing there save for cold, windswept rocks. But Tasha liked to walk to the edge of the estate, to know she could stand miles and miles away from Morak.

No one else came out this far.

"She's having a bit a trouble with philosophy," Richard said.

"She's five," Tasha baulked.

"And so brilliant," Richard replied.

He didn't like Sela's rigid schedule either. But he recognised she was a clever little thing and would need to know all of this to survive on Romulus.

They stopped at the edge of woods. Tasha and Richard sat under the shade of a great yew tree while he gushed about Sela's accomplishments.

Tasha listened intently to every second of it. She longed to be involved in her daughter's life.

"But is she happy?" Tasha pressed.

"She likes stories. I tell her stories every night – including many of the ones you have shared with me of Turkana. She knows all about Sela and Azura, the Red Mountain, stories of her ancestors," Richard explained.

For Sela, stories were an escape.

"She wants for nothing save her mother," Richard added.

Tasha's face felt hot. A lump formed in her throat.

"She loves the stories of Nastasiyla. She loves stories of you too," Richard said. "And when we're alone, she talks about how her mother was a great explorer."

Tasha started to cry.

"Oh no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Richard apologised. "She is happy. She likes to sing and dance anytime her tutors step away. She makes silly faces at me when they turn around."

Tasha laughed in spite of her tears.

"She's so strong," Richard shared.

Sela had become increasingly withdrawn. Her tutors were harsh, and Drusilla did everything she could to break that little girl's confidence.

Richard in turn did everything he could to try and build it back up.

Sela was resilient and already learning how to survive in a world full of plot and conspiracy. If her father's political ambition didn't ruin them all, Sela stood to become one of the most powerful young women in the Imperial family.

"I'm sorry," Tasha sobbed. "It's just so hard to be separated from her. To know that she's growing up without me."

Richard pulled her into an embrace.

"She's never forgotten you. I won't let her," Richard said.

He grinned.

"How could I when I see so much of you in her every day?" Richard mused.

A fresh wave of tears overtook Tasha.

"I just wish I could see her smile," Tasha wept.

She wanted to hear Sela laugh, to hold that little bundle again, and hear that tiny voice say, 'I love you, mummy.'

"Let it all out," he said in a soothing voice.

Tasha sobbed freely. It had been so long. Richard rocked them back and forth as he rubbed her back.

"I-I-I'm sorry," Tasha choked out. "I never get to cry just for myself."

"You cry as long as you want, Tuula," Richard assured her.

Tasha clutched his shoulders and buried her head against his chest.

After some time, Tasha's tears slowed. She sat back and turned away. Her mask was completely soaked and was starting to irritate her skin.

"Here, allow me," Richard said as he offered her a fresh handkerchief.

Tasha spooked and turned further from him.

"Please don't look at me," she said.

"Why?" Richard asked, frowning.

He slipped his fingers under Tasha's chin, forcing her to turn back toward him.

"Don't," she protested.

Morak had been so cruel in the years since her acid attack – often making comments about the horrifying nature of Tasha's injuries.

"I have never stopped looking at you – even when I am not supposed to. Even when he is close," Richard confessed.

Richard smiled. He caressed her cheek, thumbing away a thick tear.

"You are so beautiful that I cannot bear to not look at you," Richard went on. "And even when we are forced apart, you are never far from my thoughts."

Tasha sniffled and tried to turn away again.

"It's very kind of you to pity me but you don't have to-"

"I do pity you," Richard interjected. "I pity you for what you have had to endure. But I do not tell you are you beautiful because I pity you. You are beautiful."

Tasha scoffed slightly and tried to move away – Richard caught her face.

"I would much rather you remember me as I was on Narendra," Tasha admitted.

Richard pressed a soft kiss against her forehead before nuzzling against her nose.

"I loved the woman I fell for on Narendra. And the one I kissed on that Transporter Pad. A kiss that won't happen for another twenty years. A kiss that transcended time and space," Richard said.

Tasha could hear his smile in his voice.

"I loved the one that gave birth to that little bundle of sunshine that's stolen my heart the same as I loved that woman who taught me how to survive," Richard said.

Tasha was speechless.

"And I love this one too. I love you as you are, Tuula. I love you more every day," Richard went on. "And if you were mine, I would never treat you like a jewel to be kept. Possessed."

His breath was warm against her face. It had been ages since the last time they had shared a stolen kiss. In all the years of their captivity, they had only been this close twice.

Once on the beach and once following the loss of her son.

"I would love you the way you deserve," Richard promised.

Tasha captured his lips before they fell back into the grass together. Tasha wanted to melt as Richard's hands to all the secret places of her body that he knew well and had been forbidden from.

"Tuula," he whispered.

"Please," Tasha pleaded as her hand slipped under the hem of his shirt.

She relaxed as Richard started to nibble at the side of her neck. It was both foreign and familiar.

Tasha ran her hands over the scars on Richard's back. Years had passed since that fateful lashing, but Tasha had never forgotten Richard's sacrifice.

She needed to remind herself that there was a difference between sex and rape. Tasha needed to remember that she could take pleasure in this.

That she could enjoy sex for herself.

That she was more than just Morak's plaything.

And Tasha wanted that from this man.

This man whose body bore the scars from the worst of Morak's lashings as he suffered in silence to protect her secret.

This man that loved her child as his own and free of expectations and demands.

This was love as it should be – just Richard had promised.

All of sudden, Richard stopped.

He pulled away and took hold of Tasha's hand. Richard brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it.

"Forgive me, my lady," Richard requested.

"Please make love to me," Tasha urged.

"I can't," Richard answered. "We shouldn't."

She squeezed his hand.

"I understand," Tasha replied.

She turned away and felt around to find her mask, doing her best to stop herself from crying again.

Richard's hand shot out and caught her wrist. Tasha went stiff as Richard's arm snaked around her waist, pulling her flush against him.

"I want to," he clarified in a low voice against her ear.

Knowing Tasha as he did, Richard was concerned his rejection had only fuelled a spiral of negative thoughts.

"I want to, Tuula. I dream about you more than I care to admit," Richard assured her. "But we can't."

Romulans had ways to extract information. Morak was a jealous man.

Richard never forgotten the fate of poor Palmer.

Tasha relaxed.

"It's alright," Tasha said.

She had long ago resigned herself to the fact her dream of making love again before she died would have to remain just that – a dream.

"I never got the chance to tell you thank you before," Tasha said.

She found Richard's hand and looped her fingers through his.

"If you hadn't been so patient with me than I never would have known what it means to be loved," Tasha shared.

It's what she clung to whenever Morak's hands made her skin crawl.

"My poor coyote," Tasha said as she pinched his cheek.

She sighed fondly as she mused to herself.

"Who would know?" Tasha pondered aloud.

"Tuula," Richard whispered in warning.

"It would be a secret between you and me and this tree," Tasha giggled.

All of a sudden she stopped and froze in Richard's arms. A chill ran up Tasha's spine as she realised the weight of her own words.

"Tuula?" Richard prompted.

"It's nothing," Tasha said, feigning a laugh. "Just a foolish thought. The tree… just silly."

Richard could tell she was trying to cover something.

A lightbulb went off in his head as he recalled a story Tasha had shared with him on Narendra.

"Oh, Tuula," Richard said. "Are you telling me that if things were different. If we weren't in this godforsaken place that you would have taken that oath with me?"

Tasha turned in his arms.

"Are you asking?" she inquired.

It was the last thing either of them said before they collapsed together into the grass. Tasha found the edge of Richard's shirt.

His lips found the pulse point of her neck.

And together they found a comfortable rhythm.

Commander Jarok sighed as he put down his tablet. He was sick of reading about losses along the border. Breen raids were growing more frequent, and the border colonies were bearing the brunt of that violence.

Jarok stood and stretched.

General Morak was gone for a time, but that didn't mean the work stopped.

Jarok was exhausted. With Morak away, the business of running the estate fell to Jarok. There was not a moment of peace as aides and attendants constantly came seeking permission or signatures on various requisitions.

Jarok's office was like a revolving door.

He needed to get away for a little while himself.

After instructing an aide to man the fort, Jarok set off for a walk around the grounds. It was a fair day (a rarity so far north) and Jarok was keen to take advantage of the weather.

Jarok himself had grown up along these shores. His own family compound was nothing compared to Moark's vast estate. But his family were free Romulans – certainly not aristocracy, but a full two classes above the serfs.

Jarok was about to turn and walk toward the beach when he found the woods calling him.

Normally, Jarok avoided these woods. Morak liked to hunt for sport (including prisoners). Jarok found it distasteful.

He'd always had an interest in the natural world. But Jarok had a knack for numbers and administrative tasks. It was how he'd risen so quickly through the ranks of the military.

Jarok's love of nature had become little more than an occasional indulgence.

It was a warm summer afternoon, and the forest was bursting with greenery. Trees were in full bloom. Birds had returned from the south.

Jarok strolled along taking in all the sights and sounds of the summer when he decided to keep going past the river.

It had been many years since he'd gone out far enough to see the moors. But as it was late summer and a clear day, he figured the walk would do him some good.

And in any case, he was keen to steer clear of his own office for a while.

Yet as he drew closer to edge of the woods, Jarok detected an odd noise.

He stopped and strained his ears, curious to identify the sound.

People. Jarok realised.

Someone was out in the woods with him.

Prisoners used the woods for work and to gather their own supplies. But they were far off the beaten path. Jarok's senses were on alert as he crept forward using the trees for cover.

He could fathom no reason for coming out this far unless they were planning to escape.

And an escape while on Jarok's watch was sure to lead to his own downfall.

A soft moan stopped Jarok in his tracks.

His eyebrows shot up as he realised exactly what was happening ahead. Jarok took a great risk to peek out from behind his hiding spot.

It was her.

Morak's consort.

In the arms of another.

And there was no mistaking the signature mop of curls and broad shoulders that Tasha was wrapped around.

"Tuula," Richard whispered as nuzzled against her face.

"Ah," Tasha gasped as her head fell back.

Richard lips travelled down over her collarbone and between her breasts as Tasha twisted her fingers into the back of his hair.

Richard clutched her back, desperate to feel her.

Jarok turned and crept away. He smiled to himself.

Good for them. He thought.

Jarok was only too happy to look the other way. This information would only set Morak off and create further disruption in the line of succession.

Jarok didn't know how long it had been going on or if this was the first time – he simply knew that two people who absolutely deserved to know love had found it in this midst of hell.

Richard couldn't recall feeling so at ease in a long time.

The sun was warm – warm enough to make him pleasantly sleepy.

He was lying in the grass with Tasha, his head resting atop her as Tasha played with his hair. It had been years since he'd felt those fingers in his curls.

They were both naked, soaking in the sun and savouring the chance to feel one another again.

For a moment, there was nothing in the world to separate them. They could simply lay there talk as they had done on Narendra.

"And stars. I would love to see stars again," Tasha shared. "The ocean. The moon."

Tasha smiled.

"Sometimes I think I can feel when it's full. It's almost like seeing it again," Tasha said.

She had always been energised by moonlight.

"I'm sorry," Tasha apologised.

"Hmm?" Richard replied in a lazy voice.

"I'm sorry our love must be a doomed one," Tasha said.

Her body shook with laughter.

"Maybe we'll get the chance to make love again in five years?" Tasha teased.

She was falling back on humour to suppress just how heartbroken she was.

"I'll take you take to the beach next time," Richard said as he turned to kiss her hip.

"I'd like that," Tasha replied.

Richard's fingers ghosted down over the curve of her hip and along the outside of her thigh. It had been years since they'd held one another and somehow, someway she was lovelier than he remembered.

"All humour aside, I will hold onto that thought," Tasha said, suddenly very serious.

A pang of sorrow gripped her heart. Tasha's throat went tight.

"Because I would very much like to make love to you again before I die," Tasha confessed. "It would seem such a lonely life should we only get to do this twice."

Tasha smiled, but her heart wept.

"Mmmmm, it was more than twice on Narendra," Richard reminded her.

Tasha grinned as planted a series of soft kisses across her abdomen.

"I remember," Tasha assured him. "I think about it sometimes. The first time. The way I looked at down at you and your eyes were so full of affection."

Richard was always tender. And the first time they had made love was no exception. He was sweet. They had taken their time.

Tasha's heart sank as she began to accept the reality that this was probably the last time they would ever hold each other.

"Alright then, I suppose you should kiss me now and then leave me be forever," Tasha said with a sad smile. "Unless dreams really do come true."

Richard kissed his way up her body until he hovered just above Tasha's lips.

"Why wait?" he asked.

Tasha inhaled sharply as Castillo rocked against her, ready to again.

Tasha opened her mouth to protest, but Richard silenced her with a kiss.

"I mean it. Why wait? I don't want that to be the last time I ever make love to you. There are so many things I want to do for you before we die," Richard confessed.

She gasped as Richard stroked her cheek.

"May I?" he asked softly.

The second time they made live it was much slower and softer than before. Richard held Tasha's hands as he gently rocked against her.

"If we could be together, I would love you like this always," Richard murmured. "If you were mine, I would never make you cry."

"I am yours," Tasha keened.

Morak couldn't take that from them.

"I would take that oath with you," Richard whispered.

"There's no moonlight," Tasha replied.

"Then we took already. On Narendra. That night," he declared.

In the end, Richard did make her cry. Her cheeks were wet with tears from the tenderness of it all by the time they finished.

Richard smiled against her. He kissed the inside of her thigh before nuzzling against her sex.

"I love you, Tuula," he said.

When Morak returned he headed straight for Tasha's quarters.

Now that she was no longer the caretaker for Sela, Morak had turned her quarters into a proper consort's chamber.

Instead of having Tasha brought to him and forcing Castillo to collect her afterward, Morak could now pop in and visit whenever he liked with no need to coordinate.

Tasha was listening to an audio file book on her tablet when Morak swept into the room.

"Out," he barked at the attendants present.

The serfs that had been tending to the room and cleaning the drapes dropped everything and scrambled for the door.

"Not you," Morak said, snapping his fingers to stop Castillo. "Guard the door. I don't want to be disturbed."

Richard nodded and slipped outside, standing just behind the closed door.

Tasha said nothing as Morak pushed her up against the wall. And when he tore away her sleeve to bite down on her shoulder, Tasha thought only of Richard's voice.

May I?

As Morak squeezed her painfully and all the while that his teeth grazed across her back, Tasha's mind slipped away to the memory of a soft voice and even softer touch.

And sunshine on her skin.

The first storm of Autumn brought intense rain. Tasha was up early. She had always loved storms on Turkana – mercenaries didn't like to travel when it was wet.

She still loved the smell of rain and the way the temperature dropped just before the sky opened.

And opened it had.

Rain pummelled the stone walls and windows. The sky was black. Even though it was morning, the sun had failed to rise – hidden behind thick grey clouds that obscured the view.

It was just as well, Tasha hadn't felt all that great.

For the last few weeks, she'd silently suffered through sick mornings – feigning a human illness she called 'swamp gut' to avoid tipping off her attendants.

She knew they were paid to report back to Morak.

Tasha had been counting the days (and knew Morak's spies were too). She had only minutes before her morning attendants would be in to strip away the bedding and help her dress for the day.

Tasha fumbled around the devotional prayer altar Morak had installed in her quarters. She found the ceremonial athame and breathed a sigh of relief.

Tasha carefully cut along the inside of her thigh. It was the one place she could safely do so without her attendants noticing.

"Come on," Tasha whispered as she squeezed the wound.

She was hoping to bleed enough to stain her nightclothes and the sheet a little – just enough to satisfy her nosy attendants.

Tasha had already missed one menstrual cycle and couldn't afford them reporting it back to Morak that she was still late.

When her attendants arrived, Tasha had crawled back into the bed to feign sleep.

"Good morning, my lady," the younger one said as she pulled open the curtains. "No sunshine today, I'm afraid."

Tasha sat up and yawned.

"No, I don't believe there will be," Tasha agreed.

Tasha was nearly to Sela's quarters and still struggling to accept that her plan had worked.

She'd asked Morak for permission to visit Sela. Nearly all of her previous requests had been denied. But as of late, Tasha had gone above and beyond to please Morak in an effort to be reunited with her daughter.

That included feigning willing participation in activities that had traumatised Tasha since her time on Turkana.

Tasha shuddered knowing just how far she'd been forced to degrade herself just for this chance.

I will permit your request. I must go away for a few days to visit the Jolian province. But when I return I would like us to begin trying again for another child. Morak had said.

Of course. That would make me happy. Tasha had lied.

Jarok himself had guided Tasha to Sela's quarters.

"My lady, if I may say so, it is good to see happy," Jarok commented.

Tasha replied with a tight smile.

"Thank you. I am pleased to see my daughter," Tasha responded.

In truth, Tasha had come to see Castillo.

With Morak's new arrangement, Tasha saw less and less of Richard. It wasn't that she wasn't overjoyed to be with her daughter – but Tasha had come to see Richard for one very specific reason.

She had to give him a message.

Tasha scooped up Sela and held her tight for a long time.

"I missed you, mummy," Sela said.

"I missed you too, sweetheart. Every minute of every day," Tasha said.

Sela was growing fast.

Too fast.

Tasha swayed and stumbled a little. She played it off as her unfamiliarity with Sela's growing size. But in truth, it was dizziness.

"I big, mummy," Sela said, bursting with pride. "I'm going to be five soon."

Tasha grinned and cupped Sela's face.

"Yes you will," Tasha said.

The same age when I lost my mother. Tasha thought.

Tasha tried to suppress that fear. She would find a way to terminate this pregnancy. She had far more freedom now than she had before.

And she had the advantage that no one yet knew.

Tasha couldn't fail.

For Sela.

Sela had no lessons that day. Preparations were underway for an Imperial feast day, so it was supposed to be a time of penitence and reflection.

For a four year old that meant playtime and Sela was only too keen to show mum the lovely new toys she had.

Morak and Drusilla were very strict. They did not believe in exploratory or imaginative play. They were raising a little Empress and Sela had to be perfect in every way.

They permitted to keep a few select toys. And Richard had a knack for making and hiding toys.

While Sela rolled about on the floor pushing a little ship back and forth across the rug, Tasha caught Richard's attention.

"I'm late," she whispered.

"We thought that you might stay here and take final meal with Sela?" Richard asked in response.

Jarok had already approved it. Morak was gone for the day and so Tasha's presence would not be required that evening.

"No. I'm late," Tasha repeated.

Richard blinked in confusion.

Tasha took hold of his hand and guided it to her abdomen.

"Mummy look! I make the ship go fast!" Sela cried out as she raced around her quarters.

"So fast!" Tasha responded, praising her daughter like she hadn't just dropped her news.

It took Richard a moment to process what Tasha was saying.

"Then the General will be pleased. But you don't-"

"I can't have this child," Tasha explained in a heated whisper.

Richard nodded slowly. He assured Tasha it was her choice and that he would do whatever she wanted.

"But have you considered that the General might allow you to reunite with Sela if he had another heir? Surely, you would endear yourself as the mother of his children," Richard pointed out.

Tasha wanted to scream. She knew it was hormones making her irritable, but she wanted to smack Richard on the back of the head and remind him that he could be a great big oaf at times.

"I don't think that's likely to happen. Sooner or later, he's going to realise this child is human," Tasha whispered.

"Oh," Richard replied.

His eyes went wide.

"Oh," he repeated as the weight of her statement finally registered.

Castillo's brow furrowed.

"But how can you be sure?" Richard asked.

"We haven't-"

Tasha trailed off and shook her head.

"But I've heard you," Richard replied.

He'd been forced to stand guard outside of Tasha's quarters on many occasions. It was heartbreaking to know their contact had been limited to him listening through the door as Morak had his way.

"He doesn't… since his return this summer he… he takes me in ways I would rather not be touched," Tasha confessed.

She sniffled and thumbed away hot tears. She'd had no one to share that burden with for months.

"And like a fool I encouraged it. I thought it was safer. Because I would rather endure that night after night than get pregnant again," Tasha shared.

She had to stop before tears threatened to overwhelm her.

"One time," Richard said, astonished. "One bloody time in five years."

"Twice you big oaf," Tasha snapped, reminding him of their liaison.

She collapsed against the wall and slid down to the floor in tears.

It seemed so cruel.

Tasha had let herself enjoy a moment of pleasure – one single, fleeting moment of pleasure that she thought she deserved.

And the universe saw fit to deal her another blow, to remind her that there was cost to everything.

Sela rushed over at just the right time and threw her arms around Tasha.

"Don't cry, mummy. You stay for final meal," Sela said brightly.

One of the attendants slipped inside to check on them, disturbed the sound of Tasha's crying.

"What's happened?" she demanded.

"Just a lot of emotion. Seeing the child again and all," Richard lied.

The attendant turned and left, grumbling something about 'humans' on her way out.

"Frost has killed all of it," Ghost said. "We've turned over every rock in that forest."

Richard had entrusted Ghost, Roosevelt, Ahn, and Vil Arandev with the task of retrieving the supplies necessary for Tasha's concoction.

And they had come up short.

For three weeks they'd tried to scavenge the supplies necessary. That included using a new source named Tiro.

He was a Romulan dissident and a part of the Free Romulan State movement that sought to overthrow the Empire.

Tiro had been planted on Morak's estate to gather intelligence.

He had an outside contact to relay messages and occasionally provide supplies. It was all done through a hidden communications array placed along the coast.

Their contact relied on flying low and slow in a cloaked shuttle to make dead drops and relay information.

But with poor weather, they were on hold until conditions improved.

"Right, well. Thank you for trying," Richard said.

It was hard to miss the look of devastation in his eyes.

"Perhaps we could find something else to work for your needs?" Arandev asked.

He could sense why Richard needed these ingredients. Yet, he was trying to be delicate about the ask.

Ahn decided it was time to bite the bullet and confront him.

"She is with child again," Ahn said.

Richard should have known he couldn't put anything past Ahn.

"You cannot speak of this to anyone," Richard warned.

"There is another plant. We Klingons consider it toxic. But ancient Klingons sometimes used it in small doses to end a pregnancy," Ahn explained.

Vil Arandev swayed a little. He caught Roosevelt's shoulder for support. The weight of Richard's burden penetrated his sensitive Betazoid mind, overwhelming him with fear and anxiety.

Arandev and Castillo locked eyes.

A silent understanding passed between them.

"We'll find it and get it to you," Arandev promised.

Upon his return, Morak had made good on his promise to resume trying for another heir.

Tasha's life went back to the way it was before.

Her nights were spent at the mercy of Morak. Richard or one of her attendants would clean her up. And his physician would come in the morning to tend to her wounds.

Miraculously, Tasha's pregnancy remained a secret.

But she knew it was only a matter of time. She couldn't hide it forever and it wouldn't be long before she started to show.

At the very least, Morak's newfound appetite gave her cover to buy time. For she knew the minute he found out, it would be over for all of them.

Including Sela.

"Ahn said you should drink it in the bath to hide it from your attendants," Richard advised.

"Clever," Tasha acknowledged.

If she managed to terminate her pregnancy and avoid raising suspicion of another miscarriage, that would be a win-win.

Tasha and Richard were hiding in one of the alcoves in the courtyard. They didn't have much time. It had taken weeks for the team to find enough product. Kelley, the medic, had been instrumental in preparing it for Tasha.

"Does everybody know?" Tasha hissed.

"Ahn also said that you should know this is very toxic. Kelley said he thinks it works by attacking the flesh in your womb," Richard explained.

Tasha was prepared for pain. She had no qualms about facing it.

"He wanted me to warn you that if you take this you will likely never have another child," Richard advised.

"All the better," Tasha replied quickly.

She was projecting confidence to mask how conflicted she really felt.

Tasha wanted to end her pregnancy. It was the only option to ensure the safety of Sela, Richard, and herself.

Thought Tasha's heart broke for what might have been if the situation was different. She had so often dreamed of what it would be like if Richard had been the father during her previous pregnancies.

She always imagined she would feel joy.

Instead, she was overcome with fear and regret.

"Are you okay with this?" Tasha asked.

"It's not my decision to make," Richard answered without hesitation.

He took a risk and squeezed Tasha's hand.

"Are you okay with this?" he asked, flipping Tasha's question back to her.

Tasha pulled his hand onto her abdomen.

"I wish it wasn't your child… our child," Tasha confessed.

Another place, another time, Tasha would have welcomed this news. With her all of her previous pregnancies she had contemplated how different it would feel if Richard had been the father.

She wanted to be happy, to do all the fun things she'd heard about from other parents in her life before the Enterprise-C.

She wanted to know what it felt like to plan and prepare, to pick out baby socks and soft toys. Her heart ached knowing that Sela would never get the chance to be the big sister she was born.

She would never get to watch Richard fret and frazzle over making everything perfect.

Tasha yearned for that chance.

But little girls from Turkana don't get nice things.

Tasha was lounging in her thermae as she prepared to drink Ahn's concoction.

Tasha inhaled deeply. She sighed as the steam penetrated her sinuses. Tasha was trying to enjoy her bath but there was a small sense of trepidation.

She reminded herself that this would all be for the best.

Tasha couldn't have this child. And she certainly couldn't risk bringing another child of Morak's into the world.

She wouldn't trap a second child in this hell.

No baby.

No more children.

Cheers. Tasha mused as she reached for the vial.

Panic gripped her heart as Tasha's hand found nothing. She carefully felt along the edge – she couldn't risk tipping it over.

"Earon? Where is the tea I had sitting here?" Tasha asked.

"Oh! That was tea?" the attendant asked. "I'm sorry, I thought it was bath oil. I poured it in the water."

Tasha felt like she couldn't breathe.

"I'll fetch you another one, my lady," Earon offered.

She scurried off to grab a fresh cup of tea for Tasha. Tasha clutched her chest and tried not to hyperventilate.

It would be another ten days before Tasha got the chance to speak with Castillo.

And two more weeks before he was able to relay a message back to her.

The last abortifacient they had made had taken weeks to put together. It had also required all of the plant Ahn recommended to synthesise enough.

Those plants were now dormant and buried under a layer of snow.

There would be no more until spring.

Richard advised Tasha he would confer with the medic and get back to her as soon as possible.

"Hang on, Tuula. We'll figure it out," he assured her.

With each passing day, Tasha grew more anxious that her secret would be discovered.

She knew from her last three pregnancies that it would not be long before she started to show. In fact, given his obsessive nature, it was a wonder Morak had failed to see the changes in her body.

It was late and Tasha was lying bed contemplating her limited options.

Morak had left her an hour earlier. One of his attendants and cleaned her back and applied a treatment gel to ease the pain.

It would be at least another two hours before they stopped in to check on Tasha and begin preparations for first meal.

As if possessed by an otherworldly force, Tasha pulled herself out of bed.

With her support cane in hand, she quietly made her way out into the corridor with one destination in mind.

If Tasha could reach the back of the estate, she could end this tonight. She had no desire to leave Sela without a mother, but Tasha knew the fallout would be worse if Morak discovered the baby was human.

Tasha could easily climb onto the ledge and plunge herself into the rocky Apnex Sea below. The fall would kill her.

The body would be unrecoverable.

And her secret would die with her.

Richard and Sela would be devastated - but at least they would be safe.

Tasha carefully avoided a passing patrol. It was dark and she could hear them before they could see her. She slipped into an alcove behind a statue.

Once they were clear, Tasha resumed her journey.

Yet to her dismay, Tasha discovered a group of guards were playing a dice game out on the back walkway.

The universe sure wasn't going to make things easy for her.

Tasha Yar was creative. And now she was more determined than ever that this plan was a good one. She smiled at her own brilliance.

Tasha stepped up to the ledge of the grand staircase that stood in the entrance hall.

She set her support cane down against the wall and squared her shoulders. Tasha clutched her abdomen and whispered the words she knew well.

"lunam et rionnag in nimbum Azura luca galad," she said.

It was a prayer to Azura.

"I know this is an unusual request. But if you would see fit to take this child into your protection," Tasha prayed.

She blinked back tears.

"I love you," she said in hushed voice. "I haven't even met you and I love you so much."

Tasha paused and took a shaky breath.

"And that's why I have to do this."

It was the last thing she said before she jumped.

"That one. The blue one," the physician advised.

He snapped his fingers, wordlessly signalling for Kelley to pick up the pace.

Tasha felt sick to stomach as a fresh wave of nausea overtook her.

"Whoa, easy. Tip her head," Kelley barked.

Someone helped turn Tasha to side as she hurled the contents of her stomach.

Everything hurt – her headache was the worst of it. Tasha could hear different voices in the room, but she couldn't tell where she was.

The bed felt unfamiliar.

"My baby," Tasha said.

She tried to reach for belly, but someone caught her hand.

"No, no, my baby," Tasha said.

She grew increasingly distraught.

"You're fine. You've suffered a concussion, some broken bones, your leg's the worst of it. But your foetus is healthy," Kelley advised.

He lifted his eyebrows to indicate his shock.

"It's a miracle really. The way you fell-"

Kelley trailed off.

"It is the divines. Their will," Morak said.

Tasha tried to sit up and stopped.

"I feel sick. Dizzy," she thought aloud.

"It's the pregnancy. You're still fairly early on. It's a wonder you weren't killed," the physician said. "Divine intervention, indeed."

Only Tasha knew it wasn't just the pregnancy making her ill.

She had failed.

"How far along then?" Morak inquired.

Romulan gestation wasn't all that different than humans – a little longer. But Sela had come early. And even with Tasha's last pregnancy, Kelley had predicted she would deliver before the typical Romulan gestation period of sixty weeks.

"Eight weeks," Tasha lied.

Tasha was hoping she could buy time. If Morak believed she wasn't as far along as she really was, then she could convince him (at least for a time) this was still his child.

Kelley opened his mouth to dispute this – but Tasha used all of her willpower to squeeze his hand.

Hard.

"Eight weeks, isn't that right?" Tasha asked. "I… I didn't want to say anything until I was certain."

"Right," Kelley replied slowly. "Eight weeks."

Richard was assigned to escort Kelley back to the prisoner camp.

As soon as they were clear of the house, Kelley caught Richard's arm.

"I don't envy her position," Kelley remarked.

Richard feigned ignorance.

"I mean the abortifacient you asked me for," Kelley said. "It wasn't just because she's with child again, was it?"

Richard's mouth went dry.

"It's yours, isn't it?" Kelley asked.

Richard took a shaky breath as he buried his head in his hands. Kelley gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"One time," Richard confessed. "One fucking afternoon. That's it! That's the only time we've ever… we just-"

He trailed off, overcome by emotion.

"He'll kill her. He'll beat her to death if learns the truth," Richard said.

Voicing his fear aloud did little to alleviate it.

"I'll get right to work," Kelley offered.

"We're still looking at options," Castillo assured her.

Tasha was confined to Morak's bed.

She had broken her left leg in the fall, and it would weeks before she was permitted up again.

Morak blamed Drusilla for the fall. It had renewed the rift between them. The whole house had been awake as he screamed at Drusilla for causing this.

In Morak's mind, Tasha never would have slipped had she not been blinded.

He had executed the two guards that were supposed to be on duty night for failing to stop her.

Since that time, Morak had insisted on providing Tasha with round the clock care in his bedroom until her leg was healed.

Tasha had never before felt so suffocated.

"And I'm working on something else," Richard said.

At the very least, Tasha would have the opportunity to see Richard more frequently due to her leg.

Suddenly, Morak burst into the room.

"And I want two guards posted outside this room at all hours," Morak ordered.

He dropped to his knees and nuzzled against Tasha's hip.

"Astradis," he said.

"Maybe I'll be lucky and die in childbirth this time?" Tasha suggested aloud.

"I'm going to get you out of here," Castillo promised.

Tasha was sitting in her bath as Richard washed her arms.

Tasha smiled and laughed softly.

"It's nice to dream," she said.

Present

"She became the lonely woman in the tower," Richard said.

He paused and turned his attention to the stars out the window.

"Morak grew increasingly paranoid, and Tasha was so isolated," Richard explained.

As Sela approached her fifth birthday, Morak prepared to have her formally introduced as a member of the Imperial family.

Sela's legitimisation meant ending all contact with Tasha. She could not even be publicly nor legally acknowledged as Sela's mother.

"And the child?" Picard inquired.

"We tried. It sounds strange, but we tried so hard to end that pregnancy," Castillo went on.

Richard and Tasha were in complete agreement. They would have loved their child. But like their own love, it was destined not to be.

"I take it you were successful as you have said Tasha Yar did not survive," Picard said.

He hated to put it into such cold terms, but he needed to know.

"And surely this Morak would have killed you if your secret was discovered," Picard pointed out.

He'd pieced together that much.

"She took my secret to her grave," Richard shared.

2350| Romulus

Richard and a group of the prisoners were assembled in his bunkhouse. It had become the base of their operations.

Tasha had originally been the one to plant the seed of rebellion amongst the prisoners. She spoke of freedom and a concept known as 'rodhas' from her own planet.

Rise.

It became a rallying cry whispered in the dark.

With the help of Tiro, a plant from the Romulan Free State dissident movement, they were now really making plans to escape.

Tiro had a contact on the outside with a cloaked shuttle.

It was how they managed to smuggle information.

But because of the great risk involved, Tiro's source had only offered to provide a shuttle – not to pilot.

He would wait for them in orbit at a safe rendezvous point. The prisoners themselves would have to get off the planet on their own.

"The shuttle can only support five people," Tiro explained. "And one of those people needs to be the pilot."

"If this works, it's a one off. There won't be another shuttle. They'll figure out how we escaped. Probably purge the whole camp, burn our homes," Ahn advised.

He knew the Romulans would want to be sure and stamp out any sort of escape plan.

"Aye, burning might be good. A distraction," Ghost suggested.

"But how do we decide who goes?" Sodan asked.

In the end, it would be the easiest vote the team would ever take.

Tasha was lying in bed on her side.

Sleep continued to elude her the closer she drew to her due date. She was less than a month out now and growing increasingly worried that they would soon learn the nature of the child she carried.

At Tasha's request, Morak had permitted Kelley the medic to be her primary antenatal care. Tasha didn't like the Romulan physician, and it provided some additional cover to delay the inevitable.

Tasha groaned and massaged her belly as her offspring tap-danced on her bladder.

Suddenly, there was a noise at the window.

"Who's there?" Tasha demanded.

"Shhh!" Richard said, shushing her as he climbed into the room.

Tasha relaxed.

"I can't stay long," Richard said as he approached.

He knelt down next to the bed and clutched Tasha's hand.

"I've just come to warn you that there will be a fire tomorrow night," Richard whispered.

Tasha frowned.

"I'm taking you away from here, Tuula," Richard explained.

Tasha was speechless.

"I-I can't. I can barely walk," she protested.

Tasha was nearly full term.

She was huge, bigger than she had been for any of her previous pregnancies. Even going from the bed to the breakfast table required considerable effort as she waddled about.

"Sela," Tasha said.

"Sela is coming too," Richard assured her. "I promised I would get you both out and I will."

Tasha's expression darkened. There was something in Richard's voice that tipped her off.

"What aren't you telling me?" Tasha asked.

Richard hesitated.

"Richard," Tasha pleaded.

"There's a cloaked ship. They have a contact in the Federation. They'll get you to safety. And I've written a letter," Richard said.

Tasha's heart sank.

"Find my mother. She'll take care of you and Sela and our baby," Richard urged.

Tasha shook her head.

"No," Tasha said as the tears started to flow. "No. I can't do this alone."

"My mother is going to love you," Richard assured her.

He squeezed Tasha's hand.

"I can't go, Tuula. That's how this has to work. But Ghost will be there to get you to safety. And Tiro. Kelley too in case you need anything," Richard shared.

There was a very real possibility Tasha would have to deliver before they got across the Neutral Zone.

"I know this little one is going to be so loved," Richard said. "And… and I'll come find you as soon as I get off this rock."

It was only dream. They both knew there would be no escape if Richard remained behind.

"I want you to go," Richard urged. "I want you to go so you and Sela and this baby can have the life we always talked about."

Tasha thumbed away her tears.

"There's always a cost," she whispered.

Richard cupped her face.

"And one I will happily pay to see you to safety," Richard said.

He captured her lips in a slow, reassuring kiss. When they broke apart, Richard stayed close. He rested his forehead against her own.

"I'm not ready," Tasha confessed.

"You are the strongest person I know, Nastasiyla. And soon you'll be free," Richard said.

Richard couldn't stay long. The guards would be in soon to check on her.

"Be ready. Tomorrow night. I will come for you," Richard said.

Tasha caught his arm.

"Wait," she said, pulling him back.

Tasha guided Richard's hand to her belly.

He gasped in awe as he felt a powerful kick.

"He's been at it all day. Never gives me a moment's peace," Tasha said, smiling through her tears. "I think he's got your wide feet."

Richard knew he had to get going, but there was nothing that could tear him away from that moment.

"Kelley says it's a boy," Tasha added.

"My son," Richard whispered.

He was still process that he could feel his son.

His child.

His child that would never know this hell.

"Richard, if anything should happen I… I want to name him Luka," Tasha said as a strange feeling settled in the back of her mind.

The corner of Richard's mouth curved upward.

"Luka," he repeated.

"Luka. After my brother," Tasha shared.

"Luka it is," Richard said.

He knelt down next to Tasha.

"Hello Luka," Richard whispered against her belly. "I love you very much."

Richard recalled from his anatomy class at the Academy that babies could hear sound in the womb at this stage.

Somehow Richard knew this would be the only chance he ever had to speak to his child.

"You and mummy and your big sister are going to take a trip. Promise me you'll be good for mummy. Don't give her too much pain, eh?" Richard asked.

He blinked back tears.

"And promise me that you'll take good care of them? I love you. And I want you to remember that I always love you even if daddy can't be there," Richard said.

Richard kissed her swollen belly before slipping out the window and down the wall.

When he landed, he glanced back up.

"My son," he said, bursting with pride.

Present

Richard stopped to wipe his eyes. He was grateful Ten Forward was abandoned and that there was no crowd around to see him weep.

He slammed his drink before pouring another.

"I felt my son kick that night," Richard shared.

He smiled.

"He would have been fourteen now," Richard said.

More nights than not, Richard dreamed of that boy, of a life with Tasha and Sela.

A cabin.

A home full of love.

Richard sighed and ran a shaky hand back through his grey curls.

"The escape failed?" Picard asked.

"We were captured while trying to flee," Richard said.

2350 | Romulus

Tasha was breathing hard as she struggled to keep up with the rest of them.

It was cold. Richard could see his breath in the night air. And he could feel the pain in his lungs as he raced to get Tasha and Sela to freedom.

The fire diversion had not worked as intended and they had been pursued into the woods. They had almost managed to lose their attackers until Sela grew frightened and cried.

Richard couldn't blame her.

Sela was cold and terrified. She didn't understand what was happening around her nor the gravity of the situation.

Castillo shushed her as he tried to identify which direction their pursuers were coming from. It sounded like they were all around them. But he knew the woods and the darkness could play tricks on the mind.

They had escaped Morak's compound an hour earlier. It had been a long, gruelling pursuit to get to the shuttle as they tried to avoid Morak's patrols.

They just needed to reach the moors beyond the forest.

Suddenly, an unholy noise escaped from Tasha's lips.

Richard turned and froze.

Tasha clutched her side. She staggered for a moment before stumbling to the ground.

A second later, a swift noise cut through the night air, whizzing past the trees before it hit Kelley.

Kelley slumped to the ground.

Dead.

Tasha grunted as she took a second hit to the chest. It felt like an out of body experience. Time seemed to stop.

Richard watched in horror as Tasha raised one trembling hand to feel the source of the warm, wet wound just to the right of her heart.

Their escape was over. At least, it was over for Tasha.

Richard set Sela down on the ground. He rushed right past Tasha and toward the Romulan guard that was approaching with his crossbolt drawn and aimed.

Castillo dove. After a short struggle, he managed to finagle the Romulan's blade from the holster at his thigh. Castillo then quickly dispatched their attacker.

He dropped the knife and glanced behind him.

"We have to keep moving," Ghost urged.

"Sela? Sweetheart?" Tasha whispered, reaching in the dark for her daughter.

But Sela was too frightened to move.

Castillo crawled back toward Tasha.

"Go," Tasha said.

Richard cupped Tasha's face. He was at a loss for words.

She reached for his hand, holding it there as she took a moment to savour the feel of it.

"Take Sela and go," Tasha urged.

With Kelley dead there was no way Tasha would survive the journey. She knew that much. She could feel it.

Richard could too. Tasha was cold. She was losing too much blood. And their attackers were closing in. The Romulan Castillo had killed was an advanced scout. There would be more along any moment.

"Please. Take Sela. Get her out of here," Tasha pleaded. "I'll try to buy you as much time as I can."

Tasha felt along the ground for a rock, a branch – anything she could try and use to hold off their attackers.

"I-I can't," Castillo stammered. "I won't leave you."

Tasha rested her forehead against his.

"I won't leave you here to die," Richard said, his voice breaking as he tried to keep it together.

He reached for his son, desperate not to lose him.

"Then go now. It will be just like I've snuck away while you're sleeping. You can pretend I'm-"

Tasha paused.

"Anywhere but here," she concluded.

Tasha recalled a memory from years earlier during their time together on Narendra. It had been a frozen hell – but they were the happiest days of her life.

"Softly, I will leave you softly," Tasha sang before pressing a tender kiss against Richard's cheek.

It was cold enough that her tears were starting to freeze.

Tasha found Sela's hand.

"You're going to go with Lilo now," Tasha said, squeezing Sela's hand. "He's going to look after you. Be a good girl."

Sela looked to Castillo for an explanation. She didn't understand what was happening. All she knew is that she had been safe in bed one moment then gone the next.

Her mother and Castillo had bundled Sela up and told her to keep quiet.

It was very confusing for a young girl.

"Iu sela. Iu anwylyd. Iu tuula," Tasha whispered as she brushed her thumb across Sela's hand.

My sunshine. My beloved. My firefly.

Tasha smiled.

"My little spark in the all the darkness," Tasha said fondly. "Mummy loves you."

If there was anything she wanted Sela to remember – it was that.

"I love you so much, Sela," Tasha assured her.

Ghost and Tiro were on alert. The voices getting closer, footfalls crunching on the frozen ground that grew louder with each passing minute.

"We need to go," Ghost warned.

"My contact won't wait if he's spooked," Tiro added.

"Go," Tasha insisted.

She needed to know they got away, to know that her death would mean something. And she could think of no greater purpose than ensuring that her child escaped to safety.

And the man she loved.

Tasha had wished for death for so long.

Yet now that the moment was upon her, she found it lacked any peace.

"Please go," Tasha said.

"There are stars tonight, Tuula," Castillo said as he nuzzled against her face.

He knew it was important to her that she die in full view of the sky.

"But no moonlight," Tasha said.

"You make your own moonlight, Tuula," Richard murmured.

Tasha knew he was trying to be kind. He was like that. But she couldn't lie to herself – no matter how much she wanted to.

"There's no moonlight in this place," Tasha remarked.

Tasha had long ago accepted that hell was real. She had lived it, given birth within the confines of it, and she would die there.

Castillo closed his eyes and pressed an ardent kiss to Tasha's forehead, lingering longer than they had time for.

"I would have loved you," Castillo said.

"I thought you already did?" Tasha asked, teasing him.

She was trying to cover for how terrified she was.

Tasha was losing her daughter, her lover. The only small bit of sunshine she'd had to hold onto during this bleak existence was about to leave.

Tasha had been the same age as Sela when she had watched her mother die. It broke Tasha's heart to know that all she would leave Sela with was the memory of her death and an old locket.

Just like her own mother.

"I would have loved you the way you deserve to be loved," Richard promised.

They both knew this was goodbye and he needed Tasha to hear those words.

He buried his fingers in the back of her hair, holding Tasha's face against his own as he sobbed.

Richard didn't need to explain.

Sela dropped down next to Richard and threw her arms around his torso. She didn't know why he was sad. But it hurt to see him so distraught.

"In another life, we would have had that cabin. I would have spent every night tucked in close with you," Castillo said. "All the things I whispered to you in these woods. We would have had that, Tuula."

Tasha smiled and pressed a soft kiss against his lips for the last time.

"Love and gentleness and joy," Richard promised. "I would have loved doing nothing with you but argue over cleaning the replicator filter and begging my mother to watch this one so we could fall asleep on the sofa together."

Richard chuckled.

It was true. He'd dreamed about it so often he could taste it. Richard didn't want anything grand – just a small place by the lake where he could teach Sela how to swim and skate.

And catch her when she wanted to jump off the dock.

Sometimes Richard could imagine what Sela would look like carefully measuring ingredients with flour on her nose while his mother baked the same thumbprint cookies she'd made for him at that age.

Or huddling under a blanket with Tasha to enjoy hot cider on a crisp Autumn night under sky full of stars.

Fireside flannel and snuggling down with his girls.

And my son. Richard thought.

Yes, that was the life Richard wanted.

"My mother is going to love her," Richard assured Tasha. "She'll have everything."

Sela tugged at Richard's sleeve. She was cold. She wanted to go back to her bed, to a place where she felt safe.

"Lilo," she sobbed. "I wanna go home."

Richard wrapped one arm around Sela and pulled her in close.

"Hug your mother," Castillo ordered.

Sela blinked, confused. She wasn't supposed to call Tasha 'mother.' Whenever she slipped up and did call out or cry for her mummy, Drusilla beat her senseless.

Sela looked up to Richard as if to ask permission.

"Go on," he said.

Sela was hesitant at first, but she soon melted into her mother's embrace.

"I love you, Sela," Tasha said.

"I love you, mummy. Can I go home now?" Sela asked.

Richard pulled them both into an embrace.

"I w-w-would have made you h-happy," Richard sobbed.

"You already did," Tasha replied.

She was surprisingly calm in spite of the tears as she cupped Richard's face and flashed him one last brilliant smile.

Tasha kissed the top of Sela's head, pressing one final kiss there before it was time to say goodbye.

"Take care of her," Tasha said. "Watch over her."

Richard rested it forehead against Tasha's. He kissed her tears as he kept his hand on her belly.

"Watch over her and I'll watch over him," Tasha said.

She knew it wouldn't be long before she succumbed to her injuries. Their child would follow.

Richard wanted to stay in that moment, to hold her close as they whispered their final, rushed words of love to one another.

Richard blinked fast to try and fight the tears as he scooped up Sela. She was shaking from both the cold and the frightening atmosphere.

Tasha stumbled to her feet, fully prepared to fight with every last ounce of strength.

"Go," she urged.

"Come on," Ghost said.

But it was too late.

Morak had found them.

And as Tasha bled out, she used the last of her strength to protect Richard – ensuring Sela's safety.

Sela clung to Richard. She was terrified as she watched her father berate her mother in the dark of his office.

Sela hadn't stopped shaking since they had returned to the house.

Tasha was on the floor wheezing as Morak towered over her. His physician had been summoned to treat Tasha's wounds solely so that she wouldn't die before Morak could administer his punishment.

"You would DARE try to leave and take my child?" Morak roared.

Tasha gasped for air as Morak strangled her in front of the other prisoners.

He released her and Tasha dropped to the floor.

To everyone's astonishment, she pulled herself into an upright position and started to laugh. She flashed them all a broad smile.

"By the divines you have snapped," Morak remarked.

He had long wondered about her mental state. With so many suicide attempts and her ability to detach from the world, Morak was concerned for the state of what he called her 'fragile' human mind.

Tasha laughed thickly through blood in her broken nose.

"My child," Tasha said.

Richard's blood ran cold. For a brief moment, he considered the possibility that Tasha may have finally reached her breaking point.

"My child," Tasha repeated with an almost giddy voice.

Morak didn't understand.

"It's not yours," Tasha announced.

She was beaming as she dropped the final bombshell that would seal her fate.

Morak visibly staggered.

Only Richard should have known that this was all part of Tasha's plan. She was using the final thing left in her arsenal.

She hoped to anger Morak to the point of death.

For her and her child.

It was the only way to spare her son, to protect Sela. If Tasha could hide the nature of this baby's paternity then Sela would be safe with Richard.

And her son would never know the pain of living in his world.

Richard Castillo was frozen in place as Morak rounded on the prisoners. In light of the escape, Morak had summoned all of the prisoners involved in the fire and known associates of Tiro in his office.

"Which one of you was it?" Morak asked in a disturbingly calm tone of voice.

He paced back and forth in front of the line of prisoners in his office. It was quiet save for the sickening sound of Tasha wheezing on the floor.

"I will ask you again, which one of you was it?" Morak demanded.

There was only silence.

Morak whipped out his disruptor. He fired without hesitation, dropping Jimmy Fredericks to the floor. He was one of the survivors of the Enterprise-C.

He'd been fresh from the Academy – only twenty-one years of age when the ship went down.

Tasha hissed as Morak gripped the back of her hair, dragging her across the floor.

"If you won't tell me, then I will kill everyone here one by one until I find the thief responsible," Morak spat. "You will beg me to stop."

Tasha was breathing hard through clenched teeth. Her mouth and nose were bloody from the beating she had sustained.

"We're not begging you for anything," Tasha said in defiance.

She collapsed to the floor as Morak released her.

"Which one of you will claim responsibility? Huh?" Morak asked. "Step forward and-"

Tasha cried out as Morak delivered a swift kick to her back.

"Beg-"

Thwack.

"For the life-"

Thwack.

"Of this whore-"

Thwack.

"And your unborn child."

Richard Castillo was sick to his stomach as he listened to Morak inflict yet another beating on Tasha. It had always hurt to listen, to be the one to clean up after Morak had finished taking out his fury or satisfying his sadistic urges.

But this time was different.

This time Richard was directly responsible for her torment.

Castillo wanted to rush forward. Yet he remained firmly stuck in place. He tightened his grip around Sela, holding her firmly against his chest to muffle the sound of her screaming cries.

She was terrified – and so was Castillo.

The only thing that held Richard back was an oath he'd made to Tasha. She was protecting him so that he might continue to watch over Sela.

"I will kill the traitor to make an example of him. But I will permit this whore and the bastard child to live," Morak promised.

Tasha scoffed.

"Just get this over with. We're not begging you for anything," Tasha spat.

She may have been broken on her knees before Morak.

But she was not defeated.

And in that moment, Tasha Yar commanded the attention of the entire room with a cool demeanour that Morak himself could only dream of possessing.

"You will beg me to stop," Morak said.

He drew his knife and plunged it into the closest prisoner. A young ensign, who had been entirely uninvolved in the whole plot, dropped dead.

No one reacted.

Morak fired his disruptor at a second.

"You will beg me to stop!" Morak repeated.

"No," Tasha answered, surprisingly calm.

No one said anything as a third prisoner fell.

"Tell me!" Morak roared.

"No. I refuse," Tasha said. "What more could you possibly take from me? What more could you possibly do to hurt me?"

Her question hung in the air.

"You have tortured me. Raped me. Beaten me. I have no dignity. You have robbed me of that.," Tasha went on.

She had longed to say that for years.

"You have taken my sight. You have taken my daughter. My child. You killed our son," Tasha continued. "What more could you do to me? What is left for you take from me?"

Morak fell silent.

"There is nothing," Tasha said.

She spoke softly and with a genuine smile.

"I do not fear death. I welcome it."

She grunted as Morak kicked her.

"Sela? Sela mummy loves you so much," Tasha said, refusing to scream for Morak's benefit.

Sela buried her face against Richard's chest.

"This is what happens to traitors!" Morak shouted.

Tasha clenched her teeth and prayed to any deity that would listen for strength as Morak delivered another blow.

"Be a good girl for mummy. Remember that I love you so much," Tasha went on.

With each blow, she continued to ignore Morak in favour of her daughter.

"Iu Sela, iu anwyld," Tasha said in a louder voice.

She cried out as Morak delivered a blow across her face with an ashtray from the corner of his desk.

"Iu tuula," Tasha called out.

The use of her native tongue only further infuriated Morak. No one knew what she was saying.

Richard picked up on enough to understand.

Watch over my daughter.

I love you both.

But she refused to scream, nor would she name her lover.

"Dammit woman you are as infuriating as you are beautiful," Morak growled as he twisted his fingers in the back of her hair.

He leaned down close.

"TELL ME!" she screamed right into her ear.

Tasha laughed.

"I will never tell you. But what I say is that it only took once," Tasha shared.

She was rubbing salt in the wound, intentionally touching on a sore subject as Morak had struggled for years to produce an heir.

"Once. That's all. And your filly loved her freedom more than you can fathom," Tasha added.

Morak was horrified.

"For she spent herself so fully on that gallop that the memory of it will sustain her until she dies," Tasha said with a grin.

And in a fit of rage, Morak drove his blade through her chest.

He froze as he realised what he had done.

Tasha was relieved. She was calm.

Pleased.

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you for sparing this child from ever having to know your cruelty."

Morak shook with fury. Her cool demeanour only set him off further.

It was this unflappable, cold part of Tasha that had always attracted Morak to her.

"If you will not speak then I will make him confess," Morak said. "I pull this blade and she dies."

Richard took a deep breath. He was ready to step forward.

"Don't move," Tasha commanded just as if she was barking orders from the bridge of a ship.

This was her final act of defiance, one last act to preserve who she was. She explained that she wanted to go to grave knowing she did not give Morak the satisfaction of terrorising her in her final moments.

"I have been your stupid little pet for years. Biding my time for the safety of a child I will never see grow up," Tasha said. "But she will grow up."

Morak scowled. His lips thinned.

"And you?" Tasha spat. "You will never conquer me."

She threw her head back and beamed.

"Rodhas," Tasha said.

"Rodhas!" Ahn shouted as he raised his fist.

In the time since Tasha's days in the prison camp, the term had become a rallying cry for the prisoners.

"Rodhas!" Roosevelt yelled.

Sodan started stomping in foot. Soon, they were all shouting it.

Jarok backed toward the door, fearful that they might have a riot on their hands.

"Where is the child?" Morak roared above the crowed.

Everything stopped.

"Sh-she is safe, my lord," Castillo said.

He may have acknowledged Morak, but his comment was said for Tasha's benefit.

Morak barked for Richard to bring Sela forward and commanded that she be forced to watch.

"This is what happens to traitors. You must never allow disobedience to go unpunished," Morak said.

"Please remember that our child, your daughter is blameless," Tasha requested.

Morak lost his temper. He pulled his blade from her chest and Tasha slumped to the ground.

"Mummy loves you. Iu Tuula," Tasha said as she started to bleed from her mouth.

She coughed and gagged.

"Iu… iu-"

She couldn't manage the words.

And in that moment, Morak realised there was no going back.

"Do something," he hissed, snapping his fingers at the physician.

The physician panicked. He stammered, unbale to form the words to explain that there was nothing he could do.

"I… my lord-"

He dropped to his knees and pulled out a medical scanner.

"I might be able to save the child," he stammered.

"Damn the child. Do what you always do and heal her," Morak barked.

He'd taken Tasha to the brink of lifelessness before. His physician had always been able to bring her back and heal her anew for fresh torture.

"Save her!" Morak shouted.

The physician sat back on his knees and shook his head. Tasha was gone. She had lost far too much blood.

"My lord, there is nothing I can do," the physician explained.

Morak dropped him with a blast from his disruptor. He threatened an aide, shoving his blade to his throat.

"Save her," Morak ordered.

The aide had no medical training, but he wasn't about to challenge the General. He hesitated for a moment. His hands hovered above her body.

"Get on with it!" Morak growled.

"Um.."

The aide trailed off as he reached for medical compress.

"Oh move," Morak said.

He shoved the man aside and dropped to his knees. He pressed a compress the wound on her chest and then checked for a pulse.

Richard had to look away. It was sickening to watch Morak's increasingly deranged behaviour as he made one futile attempt after another to save Tasha – alternating between tender affection and abuse.

One moment he strangled her body, commanding her to come back to him.

The next he wept and held her close, stroking her hair as if she was asleep.

"Please come back to me," Morak sobbed. "Astradis."

He collapsed on top of her body, weeping over his own reckless disregard for life.

Sela was confused and frightened.

"I want to go home now, Lilo," she said.

She picked up the locket that hung around her neck and began to fidget with the chain.

Richard held her close. Sela was the only thing stopping him from collapsing himself.

Morak screamed.

He was furious that Tasha was dead – more so that he was responsible for killing her.

"You forced me to do this. You defied me," Morak said aloud, speaking to her body as if she could hear him.

He screamed again in agony before picking up the same fire poker he'd beaten her senseless with years before to take out his anger.

Jarok had already dismissed all of the prisoners save for Castillo. Drusilla was stunned but not displeased.

"Well, that's that," she said before turning in for the night.

Morak tossed aside the fire poker.

"Clean it up," he barked at Castillo before turning to the door.

Richard didn't know where to begin.

Sela had cried herself hoarse. Now she was catatonic as she rested against his shoulder.

"My lord? Permission to speak?" Richard asked.

Morak stopped but did not speak. Richard took the risk.

"If it would please my lord, may I… place her near the edge of the woods where they were looking to escape? To serve as a warning to other prisoners that might seek to do the same," Castillo lied.

He knew how important it was to Tasha to be laid to rest under the stars.

Richard swaddled the lifeless body of his son. He bundled him up in Tasha's arms.

He had done his best to clean her, to honour her in that respect. But Morak's rage had left her barely recognisable.

Richard wrapped her and his son together in the finest silk sheet from Tasha's chambers.

Then he carried her out into the frozen woods and laid her to rest beside the yew tree that was their special place.

Under a blanket of stars.

Richard broke down. He sat on his knees and wept.

"Oh, Tuula," he sobbed as he stroked his son's cheek.

The child that could never be.

Tasha deserved so much more than this life.

"I will confess that I don't know if Azura and all this moon business is real," Richard shared.

Richard pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

"But watch over him and I'll watch over our girl here," Richard whispered.

He glanced up at the sky.

"And I'm going trust you. I'll be holding onto that thought that we'll meet again," Richard said.

He covered his heart with his hand. The note he'd written to his mother was hidden in a pocket sewn inside his shirt - a trick he had learned from Tasha.

Richard would carry that note next to his heart for the next fourteen years.

As he said goodbye, Tasha's word's echoed in his mind.

I want you to remember me as I was on Narendra.

Richard smiled sadly.

He did and he would continue to honour that memory. But it would hard to ignore this one too – the woman that had borne the brunt of the pain required to keep their secret.

More and more. Richard thought as he reflected on his love for her.

Present

"I laid her to rest under that tree. Her and our son," Richard shared.

There were nights when he dreamed of seeing that child happy and healthy with chubby cheeks and mop of unruly curls.

Alive.

And there were nights when those dreams turned to violent nightmares, nights when Richard could not push aside the sight of his poor son.

"She died at the hands of one of the most violent and cruel men to have ever existed," Richard said.

Jean-Luc blanched.

It was difficult enough listening to Castillo's recollection. He could not imagine living it.

"And she died carrying my child in her belly," he went on. "She did it to spare the child. To spare my life."

He hands trembled.

"For one reason – so that I might protect Sela," Richard said.

He sniffled.

"And I failed," he concluded.

"I have no words to properly express the hurt in knowing that in another lifetime she had to endure such a terrible existence," Picard admitted.

He was still trying to process all of it.

A fractured timeline.

A tortured soul.

Sela.

It was like something from a science fiction novel.

"She always said that in spite of everything that she endured, she wouldn't change it," Richard explained. "Because if she hadn't gone back, if she hadn't gone through all of that she never would have had Sela."

And I never would have met you. Tasha would say.

Picard sat back and sighed.

"I wish I had never asked," he said.

"I did warn you," Richard advised.

"And so you did," Picard acknowledged.

For a moment, the two men sat in silence.

"And if she doesn't go back then the timeline fractures. The war with the Klingons never ends? The peace treaty?" Picard asked.

He had come this far. He needed answers.

Richard nodded.

"But you should know that things are different. A lot of this is the same but it's different," Richard said as he struggled to explain.

A dark thought crossed Picard's mind.

"But there really is no way to know. And if we should encounter your ship in two years then I will have to choose between letting her go and the very timeline," Picard pondered aloud.

"I told you. There is no happy ending," Richard said.

A short, bitter laugh escaped his throat.

"Tasha always said little girls from Turkana don't get happy endings," he added.

Castillo's brow furrowed and he leaned forward.

"And Captain, there is still the matter of the Ekloire Starbase and the Romulan plans," Richard said.

Jean-Luc grimaced.

It was nearly morning. Both men were exhausted, and Jean-Luc needed time to process this before he was ready to take in any new information.

"Sir, if anything – that's the most important topic we must discuss. Our movement, our band of rebels. Rodhas. She sparked it. We would have followed her into anything," Castillo declared.

They had dedicated their lives to their rebellion, to stopping Morak.

"I believe it would be best if we were to resume this conversation after we've both had time to rest," Picard said.

Richard nodded in understanding.

"Captain, I have your word that you will share none of this with her?" Richard insisted.

"Of course," Picard promised.

Hell, Jean-Luc wished to bury it in the recesses of his mind as soon as possible.

Richard smiled and nodded. He wiped his eyes with a napkin.

"She was so hurt. She had been brutalised by almost every man she knew in one way or another. The world was not kind to her," Castillo said.

Tasha's strength in light of that torment had never ceased to amaze him.

"I am happy to know she's found love here. Because I've often found it a miracle she ever loved me," Richard confessed.

He frowned.

"At times, I have wondered if she really loved me or if she just thought she did because she didn't know anything else," Richard said.

That thought had haunted him.

"Make no mistake, I do not doubt the sincerity of her feelings," Richard added. "But she never got the chance to experience love as it should be."

He paused and smiled.

"But for me, it was real. I have known love and heartbreak. First dates and failed engagements," Richard went on. "And I love that woman."

He loved her in ways he didn't understand.

Richard felt things for Tasha that he had never felt before.

"Seeing her now like this after these years. Alive. Happy. Planning a life with someone. Well… it's what she deserves," Richard said.

His heart was simultaneously full and broken.

Richard returned to his guest quarters and the comfort of a real bed.

He would sleep for a few hours before returning to brief the Captain.

There was a strange sense of relief that came from sharing his burden with another.

Richard reached into the hidden pocket of his frayed shirt and pulled out a folded note. It was so old and had been read so many times that the paper was quite worn.

It included a brief explanation that the Enterprise-C had gone down along with the name of every survivor Richard had encountered listed on the back.

There were words of love and fond memories.

A heartful thank you for everything.

An apology for accidentally burning the rug in the kitchen when Richard was seven.

Richard ran his fingers across the final lines.

Mami, the woman that carries this letter is also carrying my child. And her daughter, Sela Lucia, is my girl. Tasha will explain.

Love them as you have loved me.

P.S. she likes homemade pickles.

Data sat up and looked around.

His internal chronometer registered that it was 05:18 hours. Tasha was not in bed and Data was concerned. They'd had a late night – complete with pizza – and Data was concerned she had not gotten enough rest.

He threw off the covers and headed out into main room.

Data's eyebrows shot up as he spied an empty plate of nosh bean hot wings.

In fact, there was a stack of them.

And two empty jumbo Raktajino's.

Data frowned. His eyes travelled along the stack of empty plates to where Tasha was gnawing on another hot wing as she studied a holographic diagram projected by her tablet.

She paused chewing long enough to jot down a quick note before swiping to the next screen.

Tasha caught sight of Data's shins and looked up.

She locked eyes with Data. Her face flushed. She was embarrassed at having been caught with food hanging from her mouth.

Data knelt down by her and cupped her face. He leaned in close.

For a moment, Tasha thought they were going to kiss. Instead, Data thumbed a way a spot of hot sauce from the corner of her mouth.

"Good morning," he said.

"I couldn't sleep," Tasha confessed.

All this business with Romulans and the Enterprise-C had left Tasha on edge.

"Hot wings for breakfast," Data said.

He lifted his eyebrows and gave Tasha a signature 'hmmm.'

"I can see you are anxious," Data advised as he observed the parade of empty plates.

Tasha liked to eat when she was nervous.

"May I ask what you are working on?" Data inquired.

Tasha bit her lip.

"Um… well, I thought I would use the time for a little work," Tasha said.

"Tasha, these are lunar calendars," Data advised.

She nodded.

"I'm calculating all of the full moons on Føroyar for the rest of the year," she explained. "And since we don't know how long the travel restrictions will be in place, I started looking at next year too."

Data smirked.

"What?" Tasha pressed. "I know I know. I don't want to wait that long either but if we can't leave the ship it could be another year."

Data took hold of Tasha's hands and pulled them to his lips.

"My dear, I have already memorised the lunar calendar on Føroyar for the next seventy years," Data advised.

He kissed the back of her hands.

Tasha groaned and collapsed against Data.

"I hope we don't have to wait that long," she said.

"I would wait a lifetime to be with you," Data replied.

Tasha looked up to meet his eyes.

"Why wait?" she teased.

In spite of eating enough hot wings to feed a ship, she was feeling unusually aroused for this time of the morning.

"You, my dear, require a shower," Data said he licked away another spot of hot sauce from her cheek.

Tasha giggled.

"Come," Data said as he scooped Tasha up and carried her to the shower.

An hour later (and after a long, lonely walk around the bowels of the ship) Jean-Luc retired to his quarters.

He needed a glass of wine and long nap.

Picard's eyes were too tired for full lighting. Instead, he ordered the lamp in the corner to switch on.

"Cab," Picard barked at the replicator.

With a tall glass of wine in hand, he turned to head for his favourite lounging chair.

Jean-Luc stumbled backward – spilling his wine on himself and the carpet.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Picard asked in a terse voice.

"Good morning to you too, sir," Tasha replied.

Tasha flashed him a nervous smile.

"I was hoping you could tell me why you've restricted access to the audio files from the Enterprise-C report?" Tasha asked in a soft voice. "As the Security Chief-"

Tasha trailed off.

Picard bristled as he took in the state of his ruined uniform. He did not acknowledge Tasha's question.

"Sir, this is very important to Data. What don't you want him to find?" Tasha asked.

Picard eyed Tasha hard. He studied her face as if he was looking at her for the first time, seeing the fresh faced kid he'd met more than decade before in that minefield.

"Given the choice, you would throw yourself on a grenade time and again, wouldn't you?" Picard asked.

"Sir?" Tasha asked, confused.

"With no regard for the impact it has on those around you. Those that care about you," Picard went on.

His anger was starting to boil over. His voice dripped with disdain. He was talking with his hands, pacing in front of Livingston.

Tasha opened her mouth to speak, but Picard cut her off.

"The first to leap into danger. The last to run for safety. Have to make sure no one is left behind," Picard said.

"Sir, if this is about coming into your Ready Room, I thought it best given the circumstances if I were to minimise any-"

"How do you think Data feels when you pull your stunts? Huh?" Picard demanded. "How many times has gone to Sickbay to find you following some stupid attempt to be a hero?"

Tasha was aghast.

"You will go back to your quarters. You will think long and hard about your position on this ship. And you will not ask me again about the Enterprise-C," Picard ordered.

Tasha replied with a stiff nod.

"Yes, Captain," she acknowledged.

"OUT!" Picard hollered.

He stopped pacing. His anger had reached its zenith.

"And I am tired of finding women waiting in my bloody Ready Room!" Picard roared.

Out on the Bridge, a look passed between Lieutenant Hawk and Lieutenant Jae.

Neither spoke as Lieutenant Yar passed on her way to the lift.

A moment later, Picard poked his head out.

"We are going to have a talk about access to my Ready Room during Night Watch, Mr Hawk," Picard said in a gruff voice.

He returned to office while muttering something under his breath about 'the damn nosy women on this ship.'

When he finally sat down with a glass of wine, Jean-Luc closed his eyes.

He let his drink untouched. His mind felt like it was stuck in an endless loop of threats and plot.

Hidden starbases.

Fractured timelines.

Jean-Luc was harbouring a stolen Romulan vessel and had a team of survivors that would need to be resettled.

He had yet to inform Starfleet of their presence.

Hell, he was so far off his flight plan that Jean-Luc knew there were grounds for a court martial.

Admiral Aaron had already sent word there would be a formal inquiry into the Enterprise's delay in reaching her next mission.

"Computer. Music. Something soothing," Picard snipped.

The sound of muted horns and piano filled the air. It wasn't exactly what Picard had been after. He had tried to read some Dixon Hill earlier to clear his mind.

His music programme was still running from before.

"Just in time. I found you just in time. Before you came my time was running low," crooned a familiar smooth baritone.

Picard groaned.