Love Again
Chapter 1
When a man and a woman meet under difficult circumstances, falling in love is probably the last thing they are thinking about. When the circumstances change, the relationship can change. When the man and woman are older and have some history behind them, the change can be awkward, slow, cautious. Definitely not as quick as it might have been when they were younger.
Neither Jarrod Barkley nor Linda Desmond was interested in rushing into an intimate relationship – even though they both felt like one might happen when Jarrod successfully defended Linda against criminal charges in the death of her husband Adam. Even Jarrod – who was used to female clients falling in love with him ("you become father, minister and lover all rolled into one," as he put it to his mother once) – was feeling like this relationship was going to mean more to him than he originally thought. Maybe it was natural – they had a lot in common. Both well over 30, both attorneys with solid practices behind them, both widowed under awful circumstances.
And Jarrod had saved Linda from a hangman's rope.
Linda was staying with the Barkleys for a few days after her acquittal on charges of killing her husband, partly because she didn't want to be in Stockton where she was tried or go back to Los Angeles where she and her late husband practiced law together. Partly it was because she was still reeling from his death and her trial and didn't know what she wanted next. And because she had no one else to turn to – no family, no friends other than the Barkleys and Dr. and Mrs. Merar.
Coming to Stockton from Los Angeles had meant giving up their home and law practice there because Adam Desmond was seriously, fatally ill and suffering dreadfully. He wanted to end his suffering and his wife's, who had given up her law practice to care for him. He wanted to end his life, but not where he had lived it, not among the people who had been clients of him and his wife. So they came to Stockton, and he ended it there. When the law charged Linda with being his murderer or his accomplice, Jarrod took the case and convinced the jury she did not take his life and should not be punished for helping him take it.
Jarrod became the closest human being ever for her, other than her husband. In Jarrod's history, there was also the spouse who had been killed, murdered two years earlier by a man Jarrod had sent to prison. He and Beth never had the time together that Linda and Adam Desmond had, so they were coming at this second round of love from different directions, but they and all the other Barkleys figured out pretty quickly that it was going to be that second round for both of them.
No one had to tell Jarrod and Linda to move slowly, go easily. The question was, how many circles would they be dancing around in before they moved into that second round.
Because Linda was reluctant to go back to the home in Stockton where her husband died, Victoria and Audra went in the morning after the trial and fetched some of her things for her. When they got back to the ranch, the women went through what she had and put things away in the guest room where she was staying, but what she didn't have were any clothes suitable for riding around a ranch in. Victoria and Audra quickly came to the solution. "Come with us," Victoria said, and led the way to Audra's room.
The women went to Audra's closet. "My closet is magical, because I've never thrown anything away or given it away," Audra explained.
"What?" Linda asked with a chuckle.
Audra revealed her very full closet and also pointed to a trunk at the foot of her bed. "As I was growing up, it broke my heart to get too tall or too heavy to wear some of the things I loved the most. So, they either stayed in the back of my closet or they went into this trunk."
"I could never get her to part with anything so I stopped trying," Victoria said, "and I have to admit, it's partly my fault anyway. I started this trunk with her brothers, even before Audra was born, so there are some interesting things in it."
Victoria eyed Linda. She was three or four inches shorter than Audra, but pretty much the same size except for length.
"Let's look and see what might be the right size," Victoria said.
The women spent quite a few minutes taking things out, Audra and Victoria telling stories about this blouse or that pair of trousers. Then they pulled out a pair of trousers that looked like they belonged to a boy.
"These were Jarrod's when he was about 12," Victoria said. "Audra had even been born yet, but Nick was 8 at the time and I knew he'd fit into them when he was 12 or so, so, into the trunk they went."
"Then I and my brother Eugene came along," Audra said.
"Eugene?" Linda asked. She hadn't heard of him.
"He's a doctor in Baltimore," Victoria said. "But Jarrod was a fairly tall and thin 12-year-old. Audra was tall enough to wear them, but by the time Eugene was, he was too stocky to wear them, so they went into the trunk for any grandchildren I might have someday – or for some guest who might need to borrow them." She held them up, then eyed them up against Linda. "I think these might do for riding."
Linda laughed. "You're not going to believe this, but when I was young and helping my parents on the farm, they had me wearing boys' clothes when I was working. I wanted to stay in gingham dresses, but my mother said there was no shame in a girl doing a boy's job wearing a boy's clothes. And I liked them."
Audra pulled out a boy's shirt, too. "This was a hand-me-down from Jarrod and Nick too. I think it will fit you."
Victoria and Audra helped Linda get into the boys' old clothes, and in a few minutes, there was Linda with rolled up pants legs, smiling and looking more like Jarrod or Nick as adolescents than a woman over 30. The women all had to laugh.
"But what about boots?" Linda said. "I can't wear my own shoes. They're not sturdy enough."
Victoria said, "I'm sure you'll fit into a pair of mine," and she went to fetch them.
Linda stood looking at herself in Audra's mirror, and she laughed, but it was a laugh full of happy memories. "If Adam could see me now," she said. "He used to look at me in my lawyer clothes and say things like 'I wonder what you would look like if you were a cowboy'."
Audra said, "I'll bet he'd still think you were beautiful."
"You're right. That's what he said. 'You'd still be beautiful.'"
Victoria brought in a pair of her boots and they fit Linda fine. They all went downstairs together then, to the library where Jarrod was working. He was behind the desk, stretching his neck, rubbing the back of it like he had been concentrating very hard and was taking a break. He didn't even hear the women come in until Linda announced, "I'm ready to ride around the ranch."
Jarrod looked up. It took a moment for his tired eyes to refocus, but gradually he smiled, and his eyes began to twinkle. "Well, this is the first time I ever saw a lady lawyer dressed to wrestle some calves."
Linda looked startled.
Jarrod got up, laughing a little. "No, no, no, we're not going to go wrestling any calves. We're going to start at the beginning, and we're going to enjoy ourselves – because frankly, I don't think I can take another minute with a piece of paper."
XXXXX
Jarrod spent the rest of Linda's first full day on the ranch showing her what a ranch was like. He found a gentle horse for her and spent an hour just giving her the basics on how to ride, because she had never actually ridden one before. The only horse on her parents' small farm was not a riding horse, but a horse that pulled the wagon or the plough. Once she moved into town and became an attorney, buggies and trains were her mode of transportation, but at least she wasn't afraid of horses.
Jarrod took her to see the cattle herd. They had a picnic lunch by the waterfall where he and his brothers often skinny-dipped (he didn't mention that was what they did there), then visited the herd of horses. That took up a lot of the day and her stamina, so they returned to the house by four. Linda took a nap while Jarrod worked on some contracts for the family.
The next day was spent visiting the orchards and taking in the views Jarrod loved. He took her to the spot on the hill overlooking the house and the stable-yard. "I've liked it here since I was a kid," Jarrod said. "It gave me a sense of being independent but having help close by if I needed it."
"I can understand that," Linda said. "When I sold my parents' farm, I felt like I was losing some of that security. And now – " She stopped.
Jarrod understood. "I know you're going to feel a little insecure again if you sell your place in Los Angeles – am I right?"
"Yes," Linda said reluctantly, "but I can't go back to that life, not without Adam. Do you know how it is having a place that meant so much to you that you can't bear to be there again once you lose someone precious connected with it?"
"Yes, I do," Jarrod said. He knew exactly how that felt. He didn't take her to Isla del Cielo, or even mention the place to her. He still couldn't do that. Beth had been killed there, and when she died all his dreams about having a home and raising a family there died with her. He decided months ago that even if God gave him a wife and a family, he would not build their home there.
Linda knew she had touched a nerve. "Well, we go on, don't we?" she said. "We find new places and build new lives, whether we actually want to or not."
"Yes," Jarrod said. "Linda – I know what you're going through, facing life without the one you loved. I can't say that pain goes away, but it does ease up."
Linda almost asked, but then didn't. Jarrod would tell her more about his wife when he wanted to, if he ever wanted to. Necessity and murder charges made her have to share everything about her married life with him. At the time, he told her a little about Beth, but she knew he wasn't telling everything. She wouldn't insist on knowing more of his story, especially not yet.
"I know it eases up," Linda said, "but I'll tell you something – in some ways, I hope it never does. There's the moment you lose them, but that isn't necessarily the moment you give them up. I think that's actually harder to do." Then she took a deep breath. "What's it called when your body starts to ache from riding a lot?"
Jarrod chuckled that she didn't name the precise part of her body that was hurting, although it was pretty clear from her posture. "Saddle sore."
"I think I'm saddle sore," Linda said. "Can we go on down to the house and find a soft chair and a good book?"
"We certainly can," Jarrod said.