A/N: Another chapter, this started as one thing and went in a completely different direction. I hope you have a box of tissues you might need them, I got emotional while writing so…
"Wow, you really want me to go so badly—for the entire week I might add—that you took care of me all afternoon just to get rid of my hangover, and by extension me." Harper wanted to be offended, but her best friend was so anxious that she didn't have the heart to be even a little upset, especially when Carly had in fact cured her of her hangover. "If you pace any more it will put a hole in the floor." Harper said dryly. "Don't panic, Carly." She says gently.
"Panic? I'm not panicking. Why would I be panicking? I mean it's not like I haven't been intimate with Freddie already, this is just way, way, way, bigger and naughtier." Carly slowly reasoned with a nervous whisper.
Harper looked at her as though she was a baby animal that was to be protected at all cost. "Carly…sweetie, I think you and Freddie have a very different scale for intimacy than—oh I don't know—almost everyone else on the face of the earth."
"I know it's shocking to you that I don't just throw my body at guys, ever— "
"Carly sweetie, it's not actually that shocking. You're a little girl trapped in a small woman's body, and that's fine, because you have Freddie, a boy trapped in a man's body." Harper finished with kind enthusiasm.
Now it was Carly's turn to be offended. "You make it sound like that's a bad thing." She said defensively.
"Not bad, just not normal!" Harper said with an awkward smile. "I mean I've never seen two people so in love spend so much time between first and second base." She continued ironically. "You had more fun sleeping together with your clothes on than most couples do having sex." She chuckled innocently.
"Are you making fun of us? Since when did taking it slowly become something to laugh about?" She asked incredulously.
"Since, there is no good reason why you two shouldn't have already rounded the bases several times." Harper said. "I mean come on Carly you go weak in the knees at nearly anything Freddie says about you." She rhetorically reminded her friend.
"You don't understand, Freddie's voice is the most pleasant sound in the world." She sighed longing to hear it again.
Harper shrugged. "I think that's exclusive to you, Carly. To me, he just sounds like a guy stuck going through puberty his whole life."
"Hey! Keep talking like that about my man and I'll start taking shots at your girlfriend!" Carly warned giving Harper the stink eye.
"Well, let's focus on what you're are going to wear tonight." Harper said abruptly, Carly smirked triumphantly.
"I already know what I'm wearing." Carly showed the dress, one that she wore about a year earlier. "The last time I wore this was the for Freddie's Kevin App launch party, we were in a fake relationship." She mused. "He met Pearl that night."
"And now you want a real memory with him while your are in that dress," Harper said.
"My nights with Freddie have to be perfect!" She shouted. "I have to show him I love him."
"You could just say it," Harper said reasonably.
Carly shook her head. "No, I just say it, not yet. He won't believe it, and he deserves to believe that I do and to believe it, I have to make sure that he feels it. It's no time for words!" She dismissed it as though Harper was being ridiculous.
"I know one way he will definitely feel it…" Harper said, very matter of fact.
"Harper!" Carly moaned anxiously. "I promised Freddie we would take things slow, I can't just say, hey Freddie let's have intercourse sex…" Tired of pacing Carly threw herself onto her bed, staring anxiously at the ceiling.
"Why not?" Harper asked, sitting on the bed too, and hoping to calm her bestie down. "Do you seriously have that messy a history as kids?" She hadn't asked but curiosity got the better of her now.
Carly sighed. "It's not messy the way you probably think a childhood squiggle of romantic history would be. I was never sure back then Harper, just for a moment here and there like when he saved my life. Even worse I never realized how much pain he was in because I didn't notice." The regret was all over her face.
Harper tried to downplay the past, they were kids after all. "It's not your fault- "
"You were not there, you don't understand." Carly's voice was heavy and shaking. "Freddie is so used to thinking that I would only ever be his friend that he suppressed all his romantic feelings for me and he's scared." There was an intense fire in her eyes, matched only by the quiet devotion in her words. "I have to be careful, I have to protect his feelings. I didn't do that when we were kids, I have to do that now. I have to because…because Freddie has always protected mine even at the expense of his own."
Harper had never in her whole life heard someone speak so deeply about their significant other. "You're right, you shouldn't listen to anything I say…" She was close to tears. "I'll make sure you have the apartment to yourself all week. You just make sure that Freddie knows you are all in, for the long haul once the week is over."
"I was hoping that you'd have some advice? You usually keep it together so much better than I do." Carly asked hopefully.
She was friendly yet blunt now. "Okay, advice…I think a good buzz should keep you both relaxed, especially if Freddie is scared, buzzed will help him not think so much which can only be a good thing." Harper told her confidently.
That was the thing about Harper, she couldn't always relate to Carly's world and experiences. Still, even if she had to get jokes out of her system first. Whenever Carly needed reassurance and encouragement she was there to help.
"Of course! Alcohol is the perfect way to loosen Freddie up, just enough so he isn't self-conscious or fighting against his naughty behavior."
"Uh-huh, but what do you two consider naughty behavior." She asked sincerely.
"I'm going to ignore that question but Harper you are a genius!" She hugged her.
"I have my moments." She said enthused.
A few hours later Carly was going over her mental checklist for another evening with Freddie, who was going to be over in a few minutes. She had teased it as a romantic evening in together.
Carly moved about the apartment muttering as she went through her mental checklist, she wanted everything to be perfect. "Okay…dim lighting and quiet background music for later on to set the mood—check. Seemingly fancy dinner for two that I don't have to cook, and can just preheat-check. Wine to calm our nerves, of which I have already had some and am definitely buzzed—check. Candles lit for a romantic atmosphere—check." Carly surveyed the entire room and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "I need a last-minute look in the mirror." She was full of nervous excitement as she ran to the bathroom. "At least I managed to zip the dress myself this time." She sighed, checking her face in the reflection. "Sexy, but comfortable. Everything is fine. It's just your first real date with Freddie…No. Big. Deal." Carly punctuated the last three words slowly to calm down, just as there was a knock on the door. "That's Freddie!" Carly added a touch of perfume and then went to open her apartment door full of anticipation.
There was a brief silence as she opened the door and they took in each other's dressed-up appearance until both of them stopped staring and found words.
"Wow, you look—" They started at exactly the same time.
"Beautiful…" Freddie finished smiling broadly at her.
"Handsome…" Carly finished her eyes sparkling as she smiled too, letting him in and closing the door.
"Hi…" They said again at the same time, chuckling at their accidental synchronization. "Um, this is for you." From behind his back, Freddie revealed a single rose. "I briefly considered a bouquet but I thought it would be a bit much for our first date." He admitted shyly.
Carly took the rose, "It smells wonderful, thank you. I have the perfect spot for it on the nightstand in my room!" She said cheerfully. "We can have dinner now or later, I learned from trying to cook in the past so I made sure all I had to do is heat it." She said sheepishly.
"I can eat now." Freddie looked around the room. "You really know how to set a mood." He told her praisingly.
"It's romantic but comfortable," Carly announced as she returned from putting the rose Freddie brought her in a makeshift vase on her bedroom nightstand. "I didn't want over the top, but this is our first date and I wanted it to be, well…romantic and comfortable." Carly tilted her head shyly. "It's not too much, is it?" The look on her face had uncertainty.
Freddie closed the gap between them. "It's perfect." He said quietly.
"Yay, score one for romance," Carly said playfully, then she pulled Freddie by his hand to the kitchen table.
"So what are we having for dinner?" He asked taking a seat.
Carly opened the oven and plated their food, She tried to make it sound fancy, hoping her enthusiasm hid the fact that she merely followed instructions on a box. "I hope you like comfort food because tonight's meal of fried chicken and mac and cheese is brought to you by our friends at Stouffer's, saving those of us culinarily challenged folks since 1924."
"It looks delicious, but I hope you know that you didn't have to be stressed about dinner. I'd be just as happy with fast food and soda." He said calmly.
"I know, but I figured if I could at least heat up food, then maybe eventually I'll be able to cook from scratch. Baby steps…" Carly laughed.
"You are nailing the domestic vibes." He said cheerfully.
Carly was quiet and hopeful. "Besides, I want to show you that I'm serious about us being together." She admitted sincerely.
"It's sweet that you insist on making the past up to me, Carly." He said softly.
Her words held certainty now. "I can't change the past but when I look at the present and the future all I see is us together, having dinner, being domestic and intimate."
"Intimately domestic." Freddie said playfully.
"Exactly!" She grinned. "Oh!" Carly had a sudden epiphany. "I forgot to pour the wine." She got up and carefully did just that. "That could be because I already had a glass or two!" She turned and winked at Freddie.
"Aren't you a lightweight?" He asked with concern.
"I'm light as a feather!" Carly proudly joked. "I was nervous about this date so I had some." She blushed shyly. "But I'm only a little buzzed, here you have some."
Freddie took the glass. "I thought I was the only one nervous." He admitted in amusement.
They sat down and continued eating, once half the meal was gone Carly broke the silence. "I didn't know you had a blazer. You look hot in it!" She said eagerly.
Freddie smiled at her. "Well, considering we were fake dating when you wore it last year. I didn't get the chance to tell you how beautiful you look in that dress, but I was distracted by your entire back on display." He said with self-deprecating eyes.
"Distracted huh?" She says with a smirk. Carly playful leans forward on her elbows, a curiosity getting the best of her. "Gee, and that's when I'm only thirty percent naked." She continued slowly. "It makes me wonder what kind of reaction I'll get if I'm half naked, or completely naked." She was very nonchalant considering what she was now talking about.
"Wow, you're bolder when you're buzzed, and you keep surprising me." Freddie drained his own wine in one gulp, quite sure he was going to sweat through his blazer if Carly kept flirting in such a sexy way.
"Can I ask you something, Freddie?" She asked innocently.
"Hmm?" He nodded.
She looked shy. "When we were fake dating, did you wish it was real?"
"Of course I did, that's always been my wish." Freddie said earnestly.
"Then I'm glad I could finally make you happy now especially after all the pain I caused you." Carly said looking seriously at him.
"Hey," He stopped eating and took her hand, looking systematically at her. "What can I do to help you stop feeling guilty about not feeling the same way about me when we were kids?" He asked softly.
Carly smiled and squeezed his hand smiling. "I know it doesn't matter to you, but it matters to me because I finally understand how you felt back then. I like you so much that it feels ridiculous to me that I could have ever not liked you."
"I mean I didn't want to say anything but I am pretty awesome." He says in a rare show of pride. "Thanks for dinner by the way." He adds sincerely.
"You're welcome." She says with a casual smile.
They discard their plates into the sink and then Carly embraces Freddie. "Are you tired?" She asks gently. He shakes his head, and she looks a little sheepish now. He always could handle his alcohol better than her. "I think the wine is getting to me, I don't feel drunk I'm just sleepy."
"You should know to pace yourself when you drink any alcohol, water will help." He said calmly.
Freddie mused how cute it was that Carly always seemed to forget that she was sensitive to alcohol. She didn't seem unsteady or anything just tired, which was the usual effect even a couple glasses in a row had on her.
"Thanks," Carly drank the water quickly, admittedly it helped. "Wine was the only thing that would calm the butterflies in my chest—I was worried that I would be trying too hard. The wine calmed me down, but I guess it worked a little too well." She blushed.
"I've got you." Freddie said, and he scooped her carefully into his arms.
Carly gasped in surprise. "Oh…wow!" She still was used to Freddie having such strong arms, but she wasn't shy about what a turn-on it was that he swept her off her feet. "My hero, take me to my bed!" Carly declared playfully.
"So early?" He asked.
"Who said anything about sleeping? No, I want to make out and see your entire back, it's only fair!" She said with a thoughtful grin.
Walking into her bedroom Freddie gently set her down on her bed. "It seems like you're a little more than buzzed Carly, and I'm not going to take advantage of you." He said softly with a sincere smile.
Carly normally liked that Freddie was so honorable, but right now it was the last thing she wanted. "But I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!"
"Carly." He said calmly.
She crossed her arms slightly annoyed. "It's just like after you saved my life." She said irritably.
"I didn't think there was a wrong way to save your life." He chuckled, aware that alcohol had caught up to Carly.
"Not that, after!" Carly whined. "You couldn't just date me and see what happened you had to get all picky and break up with me." She huffed looking pouty. "Just because I wasn't in love with you doesn't mean I didn't want to date." She said bluntly.
"You have been holding this in for a while I see. What else?" He asked, intrigued by her alcohol-induced honesty.
Carly tried not to be upset but couldn't contain her hurt. "It kind of makes me mad that you wouldn't date me after saving my life, but Sam abuses you for years and you have no problem sucking face with her for a month." Everything came out more bitter than she intended.
"How come you never told me you were upset?" He asked, taking a seat next to Carly on her bed, and then took her hand, a small frown on his face.
Carly had a rhetorical look now. "You should know why after you ran away from Italy." She sighed. "How could I tell you that I was hurt that you would rather date Sam instead of me, I would have sounded like a jealous ex-girlfriend."
"You were jealous?" Freddie asked seriously.
"No, I am angry. Angry that you would think so little of my feelings to break up with me, but think so much more of Sam's feelings that you would date someone who abused you. All the time." Carly said emotionally taking his hand. "I know it's years later but can't help but I can't pretend that I'm not hurt." She met his eyes whispering. "I could—no…I would have loved you properly sooner if you had given me the chance, I really believe that." She rested her other hand on his cheek. "I just want to completely understand you, Freddie, I want to understand everything about you. If I had, we would have always been together." She sounded regretfully sad.
Freddie knew Carly well enough to know that she was really asking him, why did you pick Sam over me?
"You never have to feel bad about talking about the past. We can't be afraid of it." He gently said. "I liked that she liked me." He said with a shrug.
"I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse about you and Sam. I know it makes me selfish, but I can't help it. I don't want to hold back anymore." Carly was clearly subdued.
"You don't like that I'm holding back with you." He said calmly.
Carly met his forehead, smiling. "You're selfless to a fault. If I didn't want you then I wouldn't be so ready to do more than kiss you. I know a lot of girlfriends insist that boyfriends don't get their bodies, but that is not at all how I feel about you, Freddie." There is conviction in her eyes now. "So if you are holding back because you think I want to dictate our intimacy, please stop. Whatever nervousness you have I hope that knowing that nothing you want to do will scare me off. Harper always talks about her sex life, and I feel so out of place because I don't have any sexual experience at all—I haven't felt serious enough about anyone to give a guy my body, not even close… But you Freddie you're that guy. You are the one person that I want to share my body with." Carly's words were more open and vulnerable than she had ever been. "If you are not ready that's okay, but if it's that you don't want me that way, just tell me." She was admittedly worried that was the real reason they had not done more than light making out yet.
Freddie brought Carly to her back on her bed, touching her face, their lips barely apart. "Of course, I want a sex life with you, Carly—I'm just scared." Now it was Freddie who felt vulnerable.
Carly whispered calmly and with concern. "What are you so afraid of?"
"I remember the way I felt around you when I was a kid…I still have that in me, Carly. The truth is half the time I have to work extra hard not to be a horny teenager." He seemed ashamed of himself.
Carly stopped breathing for a single moment, relieved. "Oh, Freddie." She suddenly felt a quiet desperation. "I am ready for that part of your feelings for me, I'm not okay with you thinking you have to suppress any of yourself around me." She wore a thoughtful look. "If our clothes stay on will that make this easier, at least for now?" She asked softly.
"Um, yes." He breathed a sigh of relief. "That's it. I can make out with you, or be naked, but trying to handle both at the same time just makes my brain freeze. I guess I need to start simple and work my way up to complicated, or escalation, as we tech nerds call it." He admitted sheepishly.
Carly found this quite hot. "Oooh, with words like that you make geeky sound sexy." She said eagerly to him.
"Sexy is your thing babe, I'm just here to appreciate you." He said affectionately.
Carly would have been content to drown in his eyes forever. "God, Freddie… The way you look at me, I'm sorry I missed you for— " He silenced her with a kiss, it sent a heat that radiated out from her chest. She was dazed afterward. "Wow…" She slowly grinned and then took Freddie with her as she rolled on top before kissing him, it wasn't long until their mouths opened, and kissing became a more intense back and forth until both Carly and Freddie stopped to catch their breath.
"If something is too much, just tell me." He said quietly.
"Like I said before as long as you don't go all Fifty Shades, you won't scare me." She breathed eagerly against his lips, and he nodded. Moving from Carly's hair Freddie wasn't sure what to do with his hands, there were so many options. Carly knew that Freddie was flustered and nervous. "Hey, it's me." She whispers gently, resting one hand on his heart. "Close your eyes." After taking a breath he does. Carly kisses Freddie slowly this time first both sides of his neck and then on both ears. A small moan of approval escapes him, and Carly smiles from satisfaction hearing Freddie make such a sound. It spurs her to continue kisses along his face, including down his throat, before returning to his lips, gently biting them here and there.
"Carly, show me this is not a dream—" Freddie's voice broke with emotion. I need to know it's not a dream."
There was something like longing in his plea, it ignited something in Carly, a fierce determination to make sure Freddie believed the reality of what they were now.
She answered him with a request "Will you unzip me?" He opened his eyes to find her sitting upright again with her back turned.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
It was a quiet and vulnerable request. "You zipped this dress up for me last year, but the truth is I wanted nothing more than for you to unzip it at the end of the night."
He was quiet but amused. "I thought you slapped me a little hard when you caught me with Pearl, for a fake break up I mean."
"Don't say her name." Carly's voice broke this time. "I-I hate the thought of you with her, or your ex-wives, or…" A sob she didn't know she was holding escaped her.
"Carly." He said softly and consolingly.
"Will you unzip me?" She asked again, it was clear that she never expected to start crying and yet it was contained, she was fighting the urge and losing.
"Not yet, Carly, what's wrong?" He whispered against her neck in concern.
"Why Sam?" She asked the question causing her physical pain. "I think about it, and I try to understand, and I try not to be upset." Carly was having an emotional breakdown of something from years ago and it forced something to spill out of her even she never expected. "You were supposed to be mine, I can't stand the thought that you were ever kissing her." It was ironic, Freddie had two ex-wives, and a year-long ex-girlfriend that had driven Carly to drown herself in several jars of queso—and yet it was Sam and Freddie that cut deeper than anything else. "I'm not…I'm not okay that you picked her over me." She admitted so quiet and distraught that her heart physically hurt.
"Oh, Carly…You bottled that up for all these years, just like I bottled up Italy didn't you?" He was empathetic, taking her silence as a yes.
Carly eventually turned her head looking at Freddie. "Did you do more than kiss her?" She asked, not really sure why she cared so much about the answer. Or that she might have a heart attack if his answer was yes.
"Absolutely not." He said seriously.
Carly let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Thank you, for thinking more of yourself and of me too." Her emotional relief was clear, like a weight off her chest. "You deserve better than that, and all I want is to make sure you get it." She finished sincerely.
"I'm a lucky man." He said softly.
"I did promise to show you that this is real so if you're comfortable, I'd like see all those muscles under your shirt." She said earnestly.
"Huh?" He said blankly.
"Yup, I have to undo the damage I did to that part of your brain." She said.
"I think I'd remember you causing brain damage, and even if I didn't my mom certainly would." He chuckled with amusement.
Carly clarified herself. "Poor choice of words." She said apologetically. "I just mean that you're so used to being just friends, that I don't think you realize that I'm your girlfriend yet." She smiled shyly at him. "That's why I try extra hard to do things that only a girlfriend would be willing to do." She looked at him in a flirty and playful way, biting her lip. "But if it's making you uncomfortable, I can stop!" She said hastily.
"I mean— "
Carly quickly spiraled without waiting for Freddie's response. "It is…you think I'm weird now, and why wouldn't you, we have only been dating a few days and I basically said 'Hey Freddie, please objectify me.' Way to go Carly force your boyfriend to be someone he isn't, god I'm so stupid!" She stomped her foot in frustration and the heel on her shoe broke. "Son of bitch!" She hobbled around, berating herself. "Of course, I hurt my foot, just add it to the list of things I've done that have ruined everything— " Coming off the ground silenced her on the spot.
Quite suddenly she was in Freddie's arms he was holding her like a bride. The smile on his face was both amusement and deep affection.
First things first, let's get off your heels, and then I'll talk you off the emotional ledge you spiraled onto." He said gently. Freddie carefully took off her heels and then sat on her bed with Carly in his arms.
"I'm never wearing heels again, I probably have a broken foot." Carly said hopelessly.
"Does this hurt?" He asked, gingerly touching her right foot.
"A little." She said, now that she calmed down it wasn't so much painful but extremely sore.
"I don't think it's broken, and nothing looks swollen but I should get some ice just in case." He said calmly, laying her down on the bed to get some ice.
"There is an ice pack in the freezer. Carly sighed in annoyance. "I guess the extra wine did more harm than good." The ice was a brief shock, but did help.
"Babe, that's got nothing to do with it." He said softly.
"Oh, yeah…I'm a real babe," Carly said sarcastically. "My foot feels like lead and I keep ruining the mood." She lamented anxiously.
"Carly, you haven't ruined anything," Freddie said calmly.
"I have, this whole night has gone wrong," Carly insisted, sounding very dismissive and dramatic.
"Carly, I don't care what I'm doing with you, it's being with you, the two of us alone, together. That makes it perfect to me." He said calmly, holding her face with his free hand.
"But I'm a complete failure at dating, at being a girlfriend." She pointed to her injured foot. "I didn't want to fail with you." Carly sniffed trying to hold back tears.
Freddie carefully let the ice rest on Carly's foot and scooted closer. "Carly, this is a setback, not a failure, please don't cry." He gently wiped her tears as they began to fall.
"I'm sorry." Carly was embarrassed. "I just like you so so so much now, and I just want you to believe that." She held his right hand, locking their fingers together. "But now I'm scaring you off." She sighed looking downcast.
"Carly," Freddie said softly lifting her chin to meet his eyes, she looked truly sad. "You could never scare me off."
Carly was subdued. "I scared you off that night in Italy." She reminded, frowning at him.
"Okay." Freddie conceded with a small nod. "I meant to say now that we're dating you couldn't scare me off."
Carly was no less anxious. "But I've been pushy and slutty, and I'm pressuring you— "
"No, you are not, and don't say that about yourself again ever!" Freddie said firmly.
"You're mad." She said blankly.
"That you would think of yourself like that, yeah, I am mad, and not just as your boyfriend, as your best friend too. Carly, trying to take charge of our sex life doesn't make you a pushy slut, it means you know me." He sighed. "My heart knows that you are my girlfriend but my brain still hasn't caught up yet. It's embarrassing and frustrating honestly." Freddie scoffed at himself. "The point is that you have to keep trying to push me because if you don't the younger version of me will never stop getting in the way of us." He sighed again but it was much heavier this time.
Carly leaned into Freddie whispering. "Doesn't it seem like we're really good at boosting each other's, self-esteem but not our own." She asked thoughtfully.
Freddie put his arm around her chuckling. "We do seem to attack ourselves, a lot." He agreed kissing Carly on her forehead. "That's why you shouldn't feel guilty for getting your feelings out, whatever they are."
Carly looked skeptical. "Even if it makes me seem crazy."
"Anything, if you're feeling frisky you should feel comfortable enough to let that out. If something from the past is bothering you—like my dating Sam clearly was, you need to let that out too." He said seriously, giving her a tight squeeze.
"You'd think the fact that you have two ex-wives, would bother me more than Sam being your girlfriend." Carly said with tension in her voice.
"You really hate that I was with Sam don't you." He said sympathetically.
"Yes, I hate it." Carly said bluntly. "I wish I didn't, but it hurts, it's been more than ten years and Sam and I are not in each other's lives anymore I still hate it." Carly admitted unapologetically. "I I understand now why you reacted so badly to Italy." She met his eyes empathetically.
"I appreciate that Carly." He was extremely grateful that she understood his knee jerk reactions to Italy both back then and just recently. "As for dating Sam I will always regret it." The regret was apparent in his voice.
"I shouldn't be holding it against you, you were a kid." She sighed looking at him apologetically.
Freddie shook his head. "Don't make an excuse for my behavior." He said, full of his own regret. "The fact is I claimed to be in love with you, and then the day after you finally return my love, I break up with you, and for what? Because you needed to see that I was mature before you saw me as a boyfriend? I told myself it was because I didn't want to take advantage of you, but you obviously wanted to be my girlfriend, and I rejected your feelings." There was heavy self-loathing in his voice now. Then later I turn around and date Sam when I wouldn't even give you more than a day. I don't blame you for thinking less of me, or for being mad about it now. That must have really confused and hurt you." He placed his hand against her heart, almost trying to cradle it.
Carly was struck by a sudden realization, something that her younger self could never have admitted, but they were adults now. It was time to stop hiding the truth, it was time to be bluntly honest.
Carly looked Freddie squarely in the eyes and took an audibly deep breath. "You were mine, you were always supposed to be mine, Freddie Benson. I was only 13 but you made me feel so special always telling me that you loved me, you nearly gave your life for mine, you even broke up with me for the right reasons, and then…" She faltered, losing her nerve.
"You can say it, whatever it is I can take it." He encouraged her seriously.
Carly found herself upset again, this time with a blend of emotions, no one emotion greater than the other, but all of them threatened to burst out of her like a wound being tore wide open.
Every second her voice became heavier, yet it was quiet and raw. "I felt like you lied to me, and you not only did it once, you did it twice, with Sam. Sam who humiliated, beat, mocked, and tortured you for most of our childhood."
Freddie had seen Carly show many emotions over the years usually to extremes, some just a short time ago, but this was not any extreme it was total transparency.
"Carly I— "
Carly continued abruptly, unable to hide the pain. "I wasn't special anymore. You told me you loved me, you showed me you loved me and then took it all back I was just some girl to you, and I don't think I realized it back then but I know now that hurt me. You were a hypocrite It's selfish, but that's how I feel. I am not going to apologize." She said matter of factly.
"Your right." Freddie said calmly. "Well I certainly am. I'm sorry. Carly. Can you forgive me?" He asked.
Carly looked like she never wanted to let him go. "Of course, Freddie. I just had to tell you because as much as I want to understand you, I want you to understand me too and the truth is that I never wanted to share you with people who didn't deserve you and as selfish as it is I could never be okay seeing you with Pearl or Sam, you are mine and you made me yours as kids. I didn't know it then but I fell for you that long ago and my only regret is that it took me so long to accept it."
It was a very freeing thing to accept and admit that Freddie, whether he meant to or not, had made Carly feel like he was hers, and hers alone.
Carly noticed that Freddie was grinning. "What are you so happy about?" She asked with an intrigued smile.
"I used to wonder back then, why you kept me around when I was an obsessive, almost stalker-ish geek, so I feel vindication that you have always been possessive over me." He admitted, swelling with pride.
"Well like I said," Carly leaned in so their lips were only inches apart. "You made me feel special we were kids, and if that makes me territorial over you then that's exactly what I am." She was blunt and there was a calm fire in her eyes. "You're my Freddie, you've always been my Freddie, no matter what we've been that's how I've always felt, it's incredibly selfish but it's true." She blushed through her entire face.
Freddie nodded in understanding. "Now, it makes sense why you are so mad about Sam and me all these years later."
"I can't help it, I don't even like when you say, 'Sam and me.'" Carly made air quotes, not even bothering to hide how irritable she felt.
"Is that why you've been so frisky since we got together?" He asked. "You want us to feel special again like it did before Sam kissed me before it felt like I betrayed you." He looked at her sympathetically.
"I must seem crazy to you." Carly lamented in self-disgust.
Freddie held her gaze wearing a rhetorical smile. "Did you forget that I used to follow you home from school? Oh, and let's not forget, and how often I used to stare through the peephole of my apartment door waiting for you to come out into the hallway or let me over to your place."
"This is different." She dismissed.
"Not different just bigger." He corrected, looking cheerful.
"And you're happy about that because…?" She asked blankly.
He chuckled. "I am happy about it because it means that you are just as territorial over me as I am over you, and that means that deep down you have always wanted me to be your boyfriend." He was lost in her eyes yet again.
"You're absolutely right." She held his hand blushing a bit embarrassed over herself. "Still, protective sounds less creepy word for it don't you think?"
"Sure that too." He smirked a little.
"Alright, down boy, all of that wasn't easy for me to admit to myself, let alone you so you could at least try not to be so turned on by it all." Carly smirked back playfully.
"Don't forget, you wanted me to unzip your dress earlier." He reminded her softly.
Carly nodded. "True," She looked at her injured foot. "But I think that moment has passed." She sighed. "It seems like every time we try to get intimate either I get emotional about the past, or we're just interrupted somehow."
Freddie hugged her tightly. "We clearly have a lot of baggage, and I think we've spent enough time stuffing down our feelings over the last 16 years, especially the selfish ones, we just have to keep trying, it'll happen." He kissed her softly on the forehead.
Carly hugged him looking apologetic. "Well, it's definitely not happening tonight, I really am tired now, and I'm not feeling sexy with an injured foot anyway." She closed her eyes, admittedly she could fall asleep right there in Freddie's embrace. "I'm sorry Freddie, but you will sleep with me again tonight won't you…"
"It's okay, Carly, and I would love that." He whispered, smiling.
"I don't think I have the energy to change out of my dress by myself." She admitted quietly, slumping against him. "Will you help me?" She tentatively asked.
"Of course, I will, but are you sure?" Watching Carly, he had to admit that she looked completely spent. Still, he asked just to be certain.
"Oh, you mean because you'd see me in my bra and panties?" She seemed to have forgotten that was necessary to go to sleep comfortably. "Well, this wasn't how I planned for you to see me like that for the first time," She chuckled but it was tired. "But nothing has gone how I planned with you so what's the point in trying to make save that for later." She said dryly. "Besides," Carly found one of his hands and squeezed it tightly. "I completely trust you."
"Okay, is there something specific that you want to wear to bed?" He asked.
"I still have the PJs from our girl's trip." She said calmly, trying to at least lay on her stomach so that Freddie had an easier time helping her get changed.
"I found them." He said, after a few minutes of searching. When he turned back around Carly was already drowsy. "Hey sleepyhead, do you think you can stand up for just a minute it'll be easier to help you change that way." He said gently.
"I think for a minute," She mumbled sleepily.
Carly had to be supported by Freddie to stay standing long enough for him to help her out of her dress and then he helped her back to the edge of the bed to get her PJs on completely.
Once they were over her legs and she had to stand up again to get them over the top of her body, Carly couldn't help but hug Freddie. "Thank you." She whispered.
"Hmm, what for?" He asked.
"For…everything, for understanding." She said simply, but affectionately. "I've just been feeling things that I have been suppressing all these years too." Carly couldn't help but feel apologetic.
"You're welcome, now let's finish getting you dressed and in bed." He said softly, and he did.
Now comfy in PJs Carly told Freddie, "You can change in front of me if you want1."
Changing in front of each other was probably the simplest way to build new intimacy between them Freddie figured he might as well start getting used to it anyway.
"Alright, especially since you will be getting very familiar with my body since I'm your boyfriend now." He winked at her and she managed a small but tired laugh.
Carly was nearly overcome by sleep now. "I hope I looked okay." She said shyly just as he finished changing too.
"You are beautiful, Carly." Freddie said as he climbed into bed next to her.
She blushed. "That makes me feel so special no matter how many times I hear you say it." She kissed him briefly. "Good night, Freddie."
"Goodnight, Carly." He said back to her closing his eyes, she already had and was falling asleep.
The night hadn't gone the way Carly had expected and was emotionally exhausted, but she was happy all the same because much of the weight she couldn't previously understand was gone, and even though she had never actually lost him, it somehow felt like she had gotten her Freddie back, and now they were closer than ever.
A/N: So yeah, that was a lot. Carly has always been the most interesting character to me even in the original show. Speaking of the original show, I feel like her relationship with Freddie and thus her behavior towards him is heavily misunderstood by most fans. It is forgotten that Carly is a child and thus her behavior is judged as if she should know better, know what an adult would know about their thoughts and feelings. That kind of expectation is unfair, children almost never understand the reason for their behavior, and even less often are they willing to accept it.
I ended up really getting into Carly's head in this chapter, basically, now that she is an adult and understands that she wants to be with Freddie, how does that provide her with an understanding of their adolescent past and how would that fresh understanding affect the present? Hopefully I did this in a realistic and compelling way that is true to her character. I think that it is vital to the healthy relationship we saw on screen this season.