Just as soon as Starlingpaw realized what was happening, Birchpaw had sprinted away from the tallest tree toward the thicket tunnel at the entrance to camp. Starlingpaw took off after him with one quick glance over her shoulder at the newly named Ravenwing, who seemed to take no notice of the distress that his naming ceremony had caused his brother.
Turning back to face the thicket, Starlingpaw barely caught sight of Birchpaw's black-tipped tail as it flashed out of sight. Though she hadn't gone swimming for a day or so because of the chill, her legs had built up enough muscle that she could handle the chase with little effort. It was a long distance from the camp when she lost sight of Birchpaw, and she shoved her nose to the ground to pick up a scent. Though it was difficult, as her head just wouldn't stay still, she managed to track his trail. It swerved back to camp and made continued twists and turns, as if he wasn't sure where he was going. Eventually, it began to point uphill, and Starlingpaw was confident enough in the direction that she picked up the pace.
The trail ran cold in the training hollow, where she spotted a cat-shaped hole in one of the bushes that lined the edge of the cliff. The dense foliage sat at the top of the rock formation that lined the back of the camp, and as she pushed through their dying leaves, she found Birchpaw at the edge of the bluff.
The tom sat as dejectedly as a cat could, his ears low against the side of his head and his tail limp and unmoving. The setting sun cast an orange glow on the camp below them, and Birchpaw's fur became dancing fire in its light. Just a mouse-length in front of him was a dizzyingly steep drop, and any cat that slipped and tumbled down it and into the camp was almost guaranteed to die. Starlingpaw shivered at the alarming height.
He twitched his ears at Starlingpaw's presence as she sat down beside him, lowering herself to the ground until her short belly fur brushed the moss-covered stone beneath her paws. She followed his gaze to the tallest tree far below them where cats as small as ants milled around. Starlingpaw saw the pure white fur of Blizzardstar and the pitch-black pelt of Ravenwing as the new warrior began to climb the tallest tree to stand vigil for the night. Miniscule kits were herded back into the nursery, their mews reduced to far-away squeaks like those of a mouse. Strong warriors were only dots of color, bubbly apprentices even smaller.
"It's a nice view," Starlingpaw meowed quietly, flicking her tail towards the sun-bathed forest clearing.
Birchpaw stayed silent, his eyes following the black cat ascending the tallest tree. Starlingpaw wondered if he was imagining himself down there, receiving his warrior name, be it Birchpelt or Birchclaw, even Birchfall, and digging into the tall oak's trunk with his strong claws to reach a high branch. He'd pull himself up and perch on it, sitting beside his dark-furred brother, and lie in wait all night, bursting with pride at finally completing his training. Both apprentices worried that such a dream was far out of reach.
"Why?" Birchpaw whispered, so quiet it was barely audible. "Have you ever wondered that?"
"Why what?" Starlingpaw responded, equally as quiet.
"Why do we fight? Why do we follow so blindly, without a second thought? What does it do for us?"
Starlingpaw was confused. "What do you mean? Follow what?"
"You know what I mean. Why do we do what our leader says no matter what? What makes him superior? What has he done for his warriors?"
Shocked, Starlingpaw managed to spit out, "Because StarClan has chosen him!"
Birchpaw laughed dryly. "StarClan is just the spirits of cats that have come before us. They know no more than we do. Surely they make mistakes just like us?"
Her tail puffed out in defiance, Starlingpaw hissed, "Don't dishonor our ancestors like that!" But she had to admit that Birchpaw had a very good point. StarClan was only made of cats like them. How were they omnipotent if they were just normal Clan cats? Perhaps they gained knowledge from some higher power once they ascended to the stars.
"I hate it," Birchpaw growled. "I hate blind loyalty. I'm expected to do whatever Blizzardstar says," he spat out the name like bile. "and I can't think for a moment that he might be wrong. But why? When has he proven that he cares about me, or anyone? All he wants is power, like every other cat."
Starlingpaw had no idea how to respond. She had been raised to believe that doubts like these were evil, poisonous, that they would bring destruction upon the Clan. As far as she could tell, no cat in StarClan had sent down a lightning storm to smite them, so she dug in further into her speculation.
"You're right. StarClan probably can make mistakes. But why would Blizzardstar be one? I don't see how following him has negatively affected anyone. I mean, he did just make Ravenwing a warrior before you, but I don't think he had malicious intent."
When Birchpaw turned to face her for the first time since she had appeared, his eyes were shining with tears. "Then you don't know."
Starlingpaw blinked in response, then moved her head closer to his, pricking her ears to listen.
"It's not just Ravenwing. Back when I was a tiny kit, a fox broke into the nursery." Starlingpaw took in a sharp breath, worried about where the story was going and her thoughts pounding with the memory of Birchpaw's scruff scar. "It took me and two other kits. We were so young we weren't even named. The fox snuck in at night and… and killed one of my siblings. It just ate it right there in front of me."
"Birchpaw… I…" she tried to comfort him, but he continued with his story.
"The fox flung the other kit against the nursery wall. It was the nursery, under the tree roots, and it hit a hard part of the wood and died. At that point, the other queens were awake and hissing at it. Ebonypetal didn't realize I was so close to the fox, in the dark of the night, and it picked me up by- by my scruff."
Understanding flooded through Starlingpaw. "That was why you freaked out at the river, then?"
"Yes," he meowed, his voice filled with moons and moons of dealing with the painful memory. "But that's not it. The fox ran off with me. Ebonypetal was the only one fit to run, and, well, she wasn't fast enough. Its teeth were digging into my scruff the whole way. I had one look back at camp as the fox turned around. Blizzardstar was standing at the edge of camp. Standing. He didn't care that I was being carried off, that I was going to die. He stood by and let it happen. He didn't notify any warriors to chase. Blizzardstar just watched as I was taken to my impending death."
Starlingpaw's previous confusion turned into horror as he spoke. His tone was full of venom, sharp and raw resentment still fresh from his past. She couldn't even imagine the fear he had felt, the betrayal. Starlingpaw inched closer to Birchpaw, the only consolation she could manage. He moved away from her in response.
"I was left for dead. Two of my siblings were killed, and only Ravenwing- Ravenkit- was left cowering. I was conscious and in pain the whole way as the fox carried me back to its den. I was aware that no one was trying to save me. I knew I had been forgotten already," His eyes narrowed as he spoke, but his voice grew louder. "I was so young that I couldn't resist the fox's grip. I tried to get away, but you know that kits can't struggle when they're scruffed. They're paralyzed. It was only luck that the fox stumbled and tripped over a tree root. Its grip loosened just enough that I could move again, so I tore myself away from its fangs and hid inside a knothole in a nearby tree. My scruff was bleeding badly, and the fox tried to scoop me out with its paw, but I hid, trembling in the darkness, alone and lost in the forest with a predator."
Starlingpaw pressed her nose against his flank, and this time he didn't resist. He was silent for a moment.
When he spoke again, his eyes were watering and his voice trembled. "I was out there for two days before I found my way back, starving and dying. None of it would have happened if Blizzardstar had a scrap of compassion in his pelt. None of this would have happened! I would have been up there today, becoming a warrior like any other apprentice! I wouldn't have to live in fear of everything for no reason and- and…" His voice rose to a yowl at the last few sentences, dropping off as he broke down, burying his head in his paws.
Starlingpaw moved to sit next to him and curled her tail around his, pressing her warm body against his fur to comfort the poor tom. She had never imagined that the cause of his nervousness would be so horrific and traumatizing, and Starlingpaw felt horrible for being so excited to learn about it when he first started to speak. Now she felt the violent shaking from his ragged intakes of breath, the emotion in his weak cries and wails as he sobbed.
"Shh," she purred, making her voice steady as if she was calming a kit. "It's okay. We'll work through this."
Birchpaw looked up at her with exhausted eyes, his anguish on display in his expression. "How, Starlingpaw? How can we fix any of this?"
"I don't know, but we'll have to try. I can hunt and fight now. It seemed impossible, but I'm improving. If I can do it, so can you, Birchpaw. We'll do it together."
Birchpaw moved tentatively closer to her, closing the tiny gap there had been before. Everything was quiet. Birchpaw stared at the camp below him as his breathing calmed. Starlingpaw set to grooming his fur of the leaves he had picked up when he pushed through the great bush behind them, and after a while, Birchpaw tore his gaze from the camp and began to clean Starlingpaw's fur as well.
They shared tongues in silence as the warm light faded from the clearing beneath them, and eventually, Birchpaw pulled away and sat a distance from Starlingpaw.
He turned to look directly into her eyes, his own glowing slightly in the darkness, and ducked his head in thanks before turning and heading back through the foliage.
Starlingpaw kept her eyes trained on the spot where he vanished, where his tail slipped behind the falling leaves and disappeared from sight, and yawned wide, the weight of the evening pressing upon her. Even still, she felt strangely light, and she watched the moon rise over camp with the anticipation of a new day and the start of her journey with Birchpaw.