A/N: Hey y'all, thank you so much for all your reviews and for continuing reading this story. I know some of you don't enjoy Kate's secret and I'm sorry you feel that way, in all honesty I don't enjoy it either but it wouldn't be this story if it wasn't for it. And if you want to I could give you the inspiration for this story in a note in the next chapter. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this third chapter!
She sits at her desk and looks at the crime scene photos, she'd come in earlier than she thought she would and she has to wait for the fan letters to arrive. As she waits and looks at the photos and all the notes from the scenes she can't stop thinking about the girl's question. She hadn't been able to lie, but it had taken her a few minutes to tell the truth, she'd had to swallow multiple times, thinking once the truth was out her daughter would probably hate her. She feels so guilty, as if she did something so wrong not telling him she was pregnant, as if she'd done something so terrible because she was his daughter too. Lily had looked a little bit relieved, even if she didn't exactly look happy about it, and when Kate had asked what was going on inside that beautiful head of hers she'd said at least her dad hadn't abandoned her as a baby. To which Kate's heart broke, had she really thought that? That had never been Kate's intention, to have her daughter think her father didn't want her. If Kate was honest with herself, she'd always thought he would've been a great father, but his career had just taken off and they hadn't… After her mother died she'd shut down and pushed him away further and further until a fight about it had ended everything.
"Detective Beckett, can I have a word with you?" her captain interrupts her thoughts and she looks up only to see a smirking face behind the captain.
Oh no. She stands from her desk and walks over to captain Montgomery.
"Yes, sir?"
"Mr. Castle here has asked to be a part of the investigation as an asset since he knows his books in and out. He also claims to be a speed reader and wants to help read all the letters he's brought," Montgomery states and Kate chuckles.
"Yeah, right," she says and her captain looks at her all serious.
"I think it's a great idea, and so does the mayor," he says and she feels her jaw drop.
"But sir..!"
"Get to work detective," he states and turns back inside his office only to leave her alone with the smirking writer.
"So, where to?" he says and waves to a few officers holding boxes and boxes with what she assumes are letters.
She swallows the profanities wanting to leave her mouth and just gestures to one of the empty conference rooms next to them. They dump a few of the boxes onto the big table and she strategically places herself on the opposite side of the table from him once he's seated.
"So, did you sleep well?" he asks and she looks up from the first letter she's holding.
"None of your business," she simply states as she focuses back on the letter in her hands.
He turns quiet and picks up a letter himself which sends her relief, maybe he wouldn't bother her too much. She wonders if he'll take the letters seriously though or if this is just a way for him to get back into her life again. She's read about three letters as she feels his eyes on her, and every time she looks up at him he looks back down in his letter, as if he never did look at her. Another three letters in she can't take it anymore.
"What?" she questions, putting down her letter on the table as she gives him her look.
"Nothing," he states and shrugs his shoulders as he reads the letter he holds.
"Then stop staring," she told him, raising the letter again.
"Well, I'm just surprised to see you again," he says and she lets go of a breath. "Did you get the texts I sent? Did you hear the voice messages I left?"
Kate feels her mouth go dry, didn't expect him to remember how obviously it was that she pushed him away, and she definitely hadn't expected him to bring it up. Then again he never was one to shy away from telling his feelings.
"We were over," she says, as if that explains it all.
He gives her a saddened look. "That didn't mean I stopped caring about you, especially not since I didn't want it to be over to begin with."
She looks down in the letter she holds again. "It was… painful enough," she gulps and starts to read to steer her thoughts away from the painful memory.
"I wanted to help…"
"I didn't need help, I needed time," she interrupts him.
"Time? Why didn't you tell me?" he asks and she sighs as she puts down the letter.
"Because I wanted to be alone," she says before clearing her throat and changing her tone into the detective she is. "Can we just get back to the case, there's a killer out there."
She picks up the letter again and can sense his hesitation to continue the conversation anyway but to her relief he picks up his own letter and reads in silence. They spend another hour searching through all the letters before they find a letter with drawn pictures of the crime scenes from the books.
"This is it, it's gotta be right?!" the writer seems excited and Kate feels herself getting hopeful but decides to not let it show.
"Don't sound so excited," she tries to shut him down. "But yeah, now we have a suspect."
She immediately walks out of the room and into her captain's office, calling her two brother's to join them, all while having a certain writer follow in her every footstep. She presents the letters to Montgomery and he agrees it's worth looking into and so they start the process of finding the sender of the letter. As they send the letter to C.S.U. they get a phone call about another murder which resembles one of the murders in his books. First Kate tries to leave him at the precinct, but of course Montgomery would tell her to take him with her in case he notices something about the crime scene that isn't right. As they arrive Kate sees the medical examiner sitting by a body in a yellow dress and she notices an officer standing to the side.
"You just stay here and don't touch anything," she tells the writer as she walks over to the officer, deciding he's probably the one with the caller's statement.
She tries to focus on what the officer tells her, tries to focus on the case but her mind keeps going back to the conversation they had earlier. How he had wanted to help her, and she has a feeling he'd never forgive her if he knew exactly what had happened after she pushed him away. She hadn't been lying though, she really had needed to be alone. Or… as alone as she was.
"Richard Castle the author?"
"On my better days."
Kate hears his name and then his voice and she looks towards him to see he's definitely not stayed where she left him.
"I'm- excuse me," Kate says to the officer before she walks towards her best friend and her… the writer.
"Lanie Parish, medical examiner. I love your books," Kate hears her best friend say. "You know, you have a real gift with the details of death."
"I thought I told you to stay over there!" Kate states glaring at him with that look she most often gives the suspects.
"I got lonely," he says with a shrug of his shoulder and Lanie gives Kate a confused look, which Kate answers with a look of her own.
Kate takes a deep breath and asks for the cause of death, deciding it's not worth pushing him away from there since he's probably not going to listen to her anyway. Lanie quickly gives the review and Castle shows he knows a bit more than she thought he knew. She'd thought he had people constantly helping him with his crimes in his books. Or maybe she didn't but it's just too real having him here helping on a case.
"Well, call me if you find something else," Kate says and starts to push Castle towards the exit.
"Sure," Lanie answers and gives Kate a look which tells her the M.E. will interrogate her all about this later on.
As soon as they're out of earshot Kate looks to the writer. "This is a homicide investigation, not a day at Disneyland." He gives her a questioning look and she sighs. "If I give you an order, I expect you to obey it."
"Then you don't remember me very well," he states and she bites the inside of her cheek. "You know, in my book, the dress was blue."
"You're changing the subject," she tells him as they get into the car again.
"Did Tisdale and Fisk know each other?" he asks and she holds in her groan.
"We haven't found a connection, why?" she asks as she starts the car and pulls out into traffic.
"What about motive?" he questions and she wonders why he keeps asking so much.
"He's a serial killer, he doesn't need a motive," she explains but she can feel his skeptical look even without looking at him.
When they pull into the garage at the precinct her phone rings and when she sees the school's name lit up the phone she quickly grabs it.
"Beckett," she answers and listens closely, something must've happened.
"Hi, Miss Beckett, nothing serious has happened but Lily has a fever so we'd appreciate it if you or her grandfather came as soon as possible to pick her up." Kate recognizes the woman's voice as her daughter's teacher.
"Oh of course, I'll come as quickly as I can, give me twenty minutes," Kate states and hangs up.
"New lead?" Castle asks beside her and she feels her whole body freeze with realization he's still there.
"Uh, no," she says and looks at her watch. Should she send her dad? "I have a personal errand to run, you can either go home or follow Espo and Ryan while I'm gone."
She sent her dad last time. She can't send him again, it's her daughter.
"You ok?" he asks and she looks at him, feeling a bit of stress building up. "Do you want help?"
He looks so sincere, so honest and caring. If he knew…
"No, thanks," she says. "But I am in a hurry so please," she gestures to the passenger door.
"If you need anything, call me," he says and opens his door to get out.
As soon as he's closed the door she's driving away again, this time setting the route to her daughter. She's rarely sick so it's kind of making her nervous that she got the fever while in school. It only takes her ten minutes to get to the school and even though she knows she's not supposed to she's parking the car right in front of the school in order to get as close to the school as possible. Getting out of the car she quickly strides towards the classroom where her daughter is. She sees kids out on the playground as she walks up to the classroom door and knocks on it.
The door opens and Miss Russell smiles when she sees who it is. "Lily is right here on the couch, she didn't eat much lunch and started to complain about her head feeling heavy about an hour ago, that's why we decided to check her temperature," the teacher explains and Kate follows into the classroom.
"Well, thank you for calling me," Kate says and the second she sees Lily on the couch she strides over quickly. "Hey, peanut," she whispers as her hand finds her daughter's forehead. It's burning.
"Mom?" Lily says with a weak voice.
"Come on, let's get you home."
Kate snakes her arms around Lily's body and thanks whoever's watching that her job requires her to workout. She picks up her daughter and carries her out of the door while again thanking the teacher for giving her a call. She puts Lily in the back of the car and makes sure the seat belt is secure around her body before she kisses her forehead and walks around the car to get into it. Before driving she picks up her phone and sends a text to her coworkers.
"Peanut sick, I'll call Montgomery when we're home."
As she's pulling out from the school and onto the street she hears her phone chirp with a text. It takes her about twenty minutes before she gets them home, both because of traffic but also because she doesn't feel the need to stress. She constantly glances in the rearview mirror to see her little girl resting her head against the back of the seat, eyes closed. When she parks the car she considers waking the girl up to go by herself but when she opens the door she decides not to do that and carries her the way to their home, grateful their building has an elevator.
"Mom?" Lily mumbles when she carefully lays her down in her bed.
"Yes, sweetie?" Kate pulls off the girl's shoes before she starts to tuck her in.
"Why doesn't he know about me?" the girl asks and Kate feels her heart ache at the sorrow in her voice.
The fact that she's sick and still thinking about the conversation they had this morning makes her regret telling her the truth. At the same time she would never let her girl think her father left because of her, she'd rather her knowing it wasn't even his choice. Because it hadn't been. Kate looks at her daughter who's trying to open her eyes and looks up at her with those puppy eyes she has when she wants something. Kate feels horrible, and so she slightly pushes her daughter who immediately creates space for her to sit down beside her.
"I… I wasn't ready and with your grandma… gone, it was just harder for me to be open with him," Kate tries to explain.
"Do you still see him? Is he anyone I know?" Lily asks and Kate lets her fingers play with her daughter's hair, gently stroking her head in a soothing matter.
"I stopped seeing him before I knew you were growing inside of me, and no, it's not someone you know," Kate answers, avoiding to mention he's nestled back in her life at the moment.
When it's quiet for a few minutes, Lily seems to be enjoying the small face massage Kate's doing with her fingers. It's something Kate's mom used to do when she was a kid and she remembers how nice and amazing it felt, especially when she was feeling down or sick.
"Hey, peanut?" Kate bites her lip as her daughter hums. "Where do all these questions come from?"
The girl yawns and Kate feels her forehead again. She really does have a fever and should be resting. Maybe a good soup would be good too.
"My friends… talking about their parents… I got sad I don't know… about my… dad," Lily mumbles and Kate can tell she's falling asleep.
"I'm sorry, peanut, I'm sorry," Kate whispers as she trails her daughter's features. Part of them coming from the man she left at the precinct only an hour ago.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Until next time, xxxx