+++++ The Apartment. 3rd Angel + 3. Sunday, September 22nd.
When the other two denizens of the apartment came home, Akane was sitting next to the door idly throwing playing cards into a bowl on the other side of the room. Looking up at Shinji as she threw another card, she watched him seem surprised as she hit the target without having to aim at it. "Lots and lots of practice," she answered the obvious question. "And an uncanny knack for hitting things I intend to."
Offering her a hand in standing, Shinji accepted the explanation without comment. He'd met humans that had near magical talents before, worked with more than one to stop world-ending threats. "I assume she filled you in?"
"Kind of. She gave me something of a brass-tacks answer, which only brought up more questions."
He snorted out a laugh, moving further into the living room to where Mikoto stood in her more feline form with her tail swishing in agitation. "Welcome to my life: more questions than answers."
"Do I get to be let in on the secrets, then?" Keeping her tone free of anger, Mikoto looked towards Akane. She knew Shinji was unlikely to want to discuss it, and she didn't blame him for it. "I'd really like to be a part of the solution, here."
Agreeing with the unspoken truth, Shinji motioned towards his bedroom. "I'm going to go lay down and-"
"My room," Mikoto interrupted. "I'll crash with Akane tonight if you're uncomfortable with me cuddling. Your futon is a disaster, remember?"
The memory of his actions that morning had actually somehow been lost in amongst all of the positivity that had taken the later parts of the day. The emotional transition between 'at peace' and 'deeply troubled' was both visible and palpable. "I'll stay in my room, thank you." He'd slept in worse situations than a hard floor with his shirt for a pillow, and he wasn't going to put anyone in danger by having them next to him if he had a repeat of the morning's flotation. "Good night." Neither waiting for nor interested in argument, he moved with grim purpose to the area that he felt was not nearly far enough from other people.
Once more restraining Mikoto from following him, Akane used a stronger grip to confer the gravity of the situation. "Stop. We're neck fucking deep and sinking fast." Weathering another glare, she shook her head firmly. "No, Miki. Just stop and listen. If, after you know what I know, you still wanna go down this road…we're going to need a plan."
+++++ The Apartment. 3rd Angel + 3. Sunday, September 22nd.
The floor was hard. He'd done what he could with what he had, but ultimately it came back to reminding himself that it was worse than any number of muddy ditches he'd spent time sleeping. At least here there wasn't the constant threat of an attack from any angle. With his eyes closed, his back flat, and his legs crossed at the ankles, he searched within himself for any sign of the capacity for using telekinesis to such an advanced degree as had been described. He didn't need to see it happening to know that the case he'd been given for his glasses were slowly opening and closing in a steady rhythm. The ache in his skull it caused, far less than the agony he lived in perpetually, was a grim reminder that it wasn't likely he would be adding much more to that motion for the moment.
Shinji, dear, his mother's voice sounded both distant and focused at once, I'm sorry for being absent. That fight took far more out of me than I had anticipated.
Letting go of the floating object, he caught it as it dropped towards his chest. I was going to check in on you tomorrow. Apparently I'll be spending most of the day at NERV.
More testing?
Among other matters. He wanted to ask her about what had happened to him, but something stayed his tongue. Nobody warned my minders about the contents of the Marduk Report.
As happened each time the issue was raised, Yui's voice grew furious, Because why should they forewarn anyone? It's not like they spent years analyzing what it was that caused your aunt to snap and-
She didn't snap, he sighed out. No human would stand a chance against that kind of-
That is no excuse, Shinji! The mental impression of her hands on her hips and her foot stomping nearly made the point she was making miss its mark. Just because a child is curious regarding human sexuality does not mean that they are ready to explore it! A four-year-old asking where babies come from must be handled far differently than even someone only twelve years of age. You were seven! You were a child!
The size of a professional athlete. He'd long since resigned himself to nobody understanding his perspective on the matter. She doesn't deserve to be locked up for the rest of her life for-
Raping you? Encouraging others to do the same? She's fortunate the police got to her before I could!
Unless you plan to take a walk in Unit-01, I'm going to gamble that she was, and is, fairly safe from you. He hated bluster. You're an incorporeal mass of energy tethered to an abomination, mom. What happened was my fault. Shinji felt the room around him grow colder as Yui's mind pressed harder on his own than it had in the decade they'd been communicating.
Never, ever, speak those words again. The quiet fury in her tone made him instinctively prepare for a fight. I can understand that you wish to take control of what little you are able to in your life, but what happened was not, is not, and cannot be your fault. You trusted her to know what was best for you. She chose, instead, to do what was best for herself. There was a lengthy pause, her anger still hanging around him as a physical force. Is that why you are avoiding the physical affection being offered to you by the mutate? Or by this mutant who owns the club? Because you feel guilty?
He couldn't give an answer he didn't have. He didn't know why he was avoiding them. Why he was using the Marduk Report as a shield. Why he was clinging to the agony the way he was. Unable to reply in a satisfactory manner, he instead chose to cut off communication. Closing his mind off entirely, pushing everything and anything around him into the black box he'd created for his psyche, he shifted the last remaining bits of conscious thought to not becoming angry at his own inability to cogently speak to his feelings. He was smart enough to know that he didn't know everything…he just wished that he knew where to start looking.
+++++ The Apartment. 3rd Angel + 3. Sunday, September 22nd.
Mikoto sat on the windowsill, staring blankly down past her feet. A wave of frustrated anger had been radiating out of Shinji's room for the past several minutes, only to be ruthlessly strangled and exchanged for a near-Zen level of calm. If everything Akane had said was true, and the only reason she had any doubt was that it had come from Maya Ibuki and not Akane's investigation, the man she was growing dearly attracted to had the plot of a torture porn movie for a backstory. How did she help him? How could she help him? For her, affection was life. Those worthy of her affections, the people that proved they were after more than a fling and would only ever do 'good', received all of her affections. She didn't hold any back, because doing so would be lying to them.
Her phone vibrated, drawing her away from the fruitless search for a way forward long enough to see that it was a text from Nanako. 'Hey lady! I was hoping to stop by tomorrow morning to have a quick chat with that hunk you're housing. Any chance of me getting a few moments of his time, or would I be stepping on toes here?'
And there it was, another complication created by well-meaning and ill-informed actions. Gendo Ikari, High King Bastard of Asshole Mountain, was looking for any excuse to further inflict harm and pain on Shinji. The last thing she'd anticipated was the emotional center of the Shirakami taking a liking to a young man half a decade younger than she herself, considering it had been long since assumed that Nanako would never date anyone, ever. All of her life had been spent in pursuit of creating a sanctuary away from conflict, away from pain! How could she have hoped to know that her friend would suddenly fall for someone who was quite likely one of the best warriors on the entire planet?! With a low growl, she tapped out a reply, 'We made a bit of an oopsie-doodle. Turns out there's some backstory we were lacking, might change your mind on pursuing him.'
There was a brief pause, followed by a curt, 'Call me'. Once Mikoto complied, Nanako answered her phone without preamble, "Is he taken by someone back in the US?"
"No, he's a free agent," she sighed out in frustration. "Turns out the dark and broody routine isn't because he's emotionally deep, it's because his history is far darker than being a child soldier. I can't get into specifics, Nana…it's not my story to tell."
A series of hissing noises, more to make noise than out of any desire to convey intent, followed. "Ok...ok. So what you're saying is, there's a high chance of him rejecting me?"
"I'm saying that if you're looking to get a boyfriend out of this, you're in for one hell of a ride. If you don't think you can handle someone with a traumatic smorgasbord and some ala carte tragedy, best to just not pull that trigger. I can't…I won't tell you not to try if you think you're game, just that you might need to be ready for him to have some hilariously bad days." Picking at her knee, she added, "This is worse than what happened to Kevin Sydney. About a thousand times worse."
"How terrible," Nanako murmured. "Would I be hurting him by asking him out?"
"I don't know." She really didn't. She didn't know why he rejected deeper emotional connections when he thrilled so easily at simple, friendly, touches. She didn't know why he practically screamed with the need to engage in carnal acts but resolutely shoved them away. "Haven't been able to get him to talk about that stuff. He's into me, but he's not letting me make a move on him."
"Huh…that's kind of surprising. I mean, you're not exactly subtle when you're into someone. It's why I like you." She hummed an aimless tune for a few seconds. "Would you be ok sharing him, then? I'm serious, Miki. If you have salvaging rights here, I'll stand down. He's a treat, make no mistake, but my friendship with you is more important than any potential boyfriend."
"…I was recently given some really good reasons to not press my case."
"Oh pish-posh. What, do they have cameras in your house or something? Everything I've heard through the McCoy Network says that 'Cyclops' knows when it's time for business and when it's time for leisure." Nanako tittered out a laugh. "Of course, they also say that he has a hard time taking leisure time. He's almost nineteen and already a legend for what he's done to protect our kind. If he's interested in you, and he's interested in me, then I say we share a good thing with one another. Life's too short and unpredictable to waste on 'what might have been'. We should seize the now, enjoy what time we can get out of him, and be there to support him as he goes through this hell he's dealing with."
Mikoto looked out her window, thinking of Akane. Her best friend, her finest lover, was currently sneaking more information regarding the Marduk Report out of places she'd never share with anyone else. "We'd have to make room for Aka-chan, I think."
"Oh no," Nanako deadpanned, "you mean we'd have to have an even number of people on dates? We'd not have to worry about 'third wheel' being a thing? Please, Miki, save me from such a terrible fate."
"Bitch."
"Love you too," she teased. "So can I stop by tomorrow morning, or does he need a bit more time?"
"We've got to be on the road at oh-seven."
"Then I'll be there at half 'til." Her tone turned more supportive, "Whatever it is he's dealing with, he'll deal with it better having people who want to help around him. Xenia was built on being a support network, and even if all I am to him is a great friend, I'm going to be the best friend I can be. But a tall, dark, and loyal boyfriend wouldn't be amiss."
+++++ The Apartment. 3rd Angel + 4. Monday, September 23rd.
Shinji had been surprised to wake up in the same position he'd fallen asleep, with the room just as he'd last seen it. A brief, comfortable, shower later he had gone into the kitchen to make what he could for breakfast. Whether it was the smell of the food or just the knowledge that they'd have to leave the house in an hour, Akane walked into the kitchen and hugged him from behind. Suppressing the urge to throw her, he focused on his breathing and uttered, "Good morning."
"If you never want to talk about it, I understand. If you ever need to talk about it, I'll shitcan my entire schedule to be present for you." Her arms clung tighter. "I just want you to know that nothing about what happened was 'normal', and if anyone touches you without your permission I'm going to tear their fucking arms off and slap them to death with their own hands."
Despite his frustrations with how his mother had addressed just this topic, there was an undeniable warmth to his housemate's threat. She wasn't placing blame anywhere, nor was she acting like she knew everything about the situation. Instead, she was just offering him her protection and assistance where he would take it. Despite his soul itching, he placed one of his larger hands over both of hers. "…Thank you."
The size of her smile came through her tone as she squeezed him twice before backing up, "It's nothing you wouldn't do for me, I think."
There was truth in that statement. "Lacking the official remit to engage in murder, I think I'd settle for 'accidentally' lifting them from the ground as I tried to 'help them' find something they lost in the closest flat surface. Repeatedly." Turning his head enough to see her, he gave her the smirk that passed for a smile. "Doubt I'd beat Mikoto to them, though."
"Coffee…." Mikoto, as if summoned by his speaking her name, stumbled into the kitchen in search of caffeine. Radiating joy as she found Shinji already handing her a cup, she knocked the entire thing back with gusto before announcing, "Got a guest in ten. Gonna go shower." Kissing Akane on her way past, she moved with a much sprightlier step on her way back towards the other end of the apartment.
"Did neither of you get any sleep last night?" Shinji once more began parceling out the meal to include a potential fourth person while Akane got plates out for use. "I didn't feel you come in until well after midnight, and I heard her talking on the phone in the living room until at least fifteen after."
Ferrying servings out to the table, Akane nodded silently to herself. "Yeah, busy night. Needed to get unbiased intel."
"I'd have thought you could just look it up, if Ibuki-san left anything out."
"Said 'unbiased'," she corrected. "Not going to find that on the official servers." Coming back for drinks, she held back from touching him again to avoid crowding him. "Your file is so heavily redacted that it's an open question whether it actually counts as an intelligence file or just an excuse to waste black toner."
"Hrmm…and who has unbiased intel on me?"
"Don't know their real name. They've been investigating NERV for years, made contact with me when I came close to catching them. Turned out they were working for the UN undercover. They verified enough that I let them go and filed a false report stating that I'd unpersoned them. When I have questions that need better answers than what I'm getting officially, I ask them." Leaning against the doorframe, she waited for another chance to help. "They told me they'd need time to get something together for me, because what they had on hand was essentially 'Tall, hyperlethal, do not underestimate'."
"Pfft, 'hyperlethal'," he chortled as he turned the stove off. "What's the measurement? Cupcake, Lethal, Hyperlethal? Is there a tier between lethal and hyperlethal?" Sliding the last of breakfast into a serving bowl, he turned around with a wry expression. "Turbolethal?"
Taking the bowl from him, she held his gaze for a long second. "It's a metahuman designation used by anti-metahuman organizations. Their definition for it indicates that at any point in time, you are to be considered a threat worthy of sending no less than a full Tier One contingent after to neutralize you," averting her eyes, she finished, "or complete N2 saturation of the zone of conflict."
"Ask Madripoor how well that worked out," he mumbled. Hearing the doorbell ring, he moved to answer while calling over his shoulder, "Still a stupid term." Pulling the door to, he was surprised to see a radiant Nanako standing there in a knee-length sundress and knee-high leather riding boots. "Oh, Nanako, uh…." She was aggressively attractive to him at that moment. "Please, come in. Are you here to see Mikoto?"
"Nana-chan?" Akane appeared beside Shinji, more than a touch of confusion in her bearing. Making way for their guest to enter the apartment, she closed the door and gestured to the table. "You're just in time for a quick breakfast."
Reading the not-so-subtle 'and explain why you're here', the club owner chose to answer Shinji's question first. "Actually, I was hoping to carve a bit of time out of your schedule. I thought you might like to visit a local restaurant that makes some outstanding American-style food. Bit of a 'taste of home', if you will." Taking Akane by the arm and leading her to the table, she drew Shinji along by social convention. "Aka and Miki are, of course, welcome to join us. However, the Family will be more than happy to provide an appropriate security contingent to assuage the idiot that is your father."
Her denigration of his forebear alone would have earned a positive response from him, though he still hesitated to agree on the outing. "I don't, uhm, have a firm schedule yet. I'd love to, don't get me wrong, but I can't guarantee timeliness." A friendly outing, a chance to spend some time outside of work with a fellow mutant, he could see the advantages to going.
"We'll be done with work by eighteen hundred," Mikoto declared, walking into the room wearing very little by way of clothing. "Half an hour to clean up, another half an hour to make it to The Blue Crane, dinner and drinks at nineteen hundred." Scrubbing at her hair with a towel, she offered a shrug to Shinji. "It's still your call to make, but I'm positive we could make it tonight without problems."
Taking the free seat between Akane and Nanako, Shinji pondered how to answer. He thought it would be wonderful to further his friendship with their guest, but he also knew the kind of luck that tended to follow him around. She looked nothing short of ravishingly adorable, confident and playful in her outfit…. It was the memory of the morning before, of wreckage and a loss of control that pushed him to answer in the negative. "I…don't know if it's a good idea. I wouldn't want to risk your safety."
"Oh, but you wouldn't be!" Laying her hand atop his, she gave him her winningest smile. "I would be. I heard that there's some stuff going on, and all that means to me is that you need more people who want to see good in the world around, not less. Sometimes helping people means accepting danger, you know that better than I do. Since it's my safety, it should be my choice, right?"
Mikoto gave him a serious look, nodding in agreement. "That's what friends do. We risk our safety when necessary so that our friends don't suffer alone."
"It'll be the four of us," Nanako enthused, including Mikoto and Akane in her gesture. "Between the four of us, there's nothing we couldn't handle! A good dinner, good conversation, good company, all in a place where someone like Cain Marko couldn't even make it to the parking lot, let alone through the door." Running her thumb along his wrist, she made her final plea, "We can't let fear rule our lives. People like you and me? We have to stand before the storm and dare it to overwhelm us, so that those of us who aren't as strong have an example to aspire towards."
It was the same exhortation he'd heard millions of times from Professor Essex, though delivered in a far more charming manner all things considered. "So long as we're done on time with work…sure."
"Yay!" Hopping up out of her seat, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.
For a reason that still evaded him, her touch somehow didn't make him as agitated as others had.
+++++ NERV Tokyo-3. 3rd Angel + 4. Monday, September 23rd.
"…seeming to me like a sensor error," Ritsuko was saying as Shinji approached with his escort. "It's inside of the N2 blast zone from the encounter with the Third Angel, and so it's entirely possible that something got shaken loose. Keep an eye on it, but don't waste too much time hunting snipes." Dismissing the technician that had brought her the report, she turned her full attention to the young man she would be spending all day with. "Punctuality is a rare trait anymore, good sir. It pleases me to no end to know that you possess it in spades."
"Too much to do, too little time to do it in." Coming to a halt just outside of arm's reach, he hit the position of parade rest. "Where are we starting?"
"I'll take him from here, agents. If anyone wants to complain, assure them that my door is open." Dismissing Akane and Mikoto, she made the not quite subtle threat to avoid pointless arguments. "You'll be contacted when he's free for the day, otherwise he'll be with me." A small frown crossed her lips as she saw both women give Shinji something resembling an irritated glance before they departed. Now safely alone in her lab with the young man she needed more time around, she asked, "Bad morning?"
His face was stone, his thoughts impenetrable. "Are there good mornings?"
Sighing inwardly, she changed her tactics, "If there are problems cropping up that are going to impact your performance in my tests, I need to be made aware of them. I chose those two because I trust them and their judgement. Are they proving me wrong?"
"Their judgement has been without flaw, from my perspective."
…Shinji, would you kindly stop dancing around this and tell me what happened? Switching to telepathy, she took the calculated gamble that his recalcitrance was a fear of being overheard.
Surprising her, he looked away towards the testing chambers. A difference of opinion on culpability. I know what happened, they don't. I know where the blame belongs, they don't. They want to use my age as an excuse…I won't.
Well aware of his penchant for being his own worst critic, Ritsuko let the matter drop. She needed them to help break open his emotional barriers, and that wouldn't be done by asking them to keep everything joyous. "I'll accept your opinion at face value, then. If you would follow me, I'd like to show you something I believe you'll love." Sliding her arm around his, she subtly pressed her breasts against him to measure his tolerances. Moving through the back half of her lab, she began explaining the day's events, "We're going to start by trying to restore your balances. You've gone far too long without any form of release, and that simply will not do when I need a solid baseline to work from."
Grateful that she couldn't see him blink rapidly in surprise, he engaged the standard evasive measures when approached with anything overtly sexual in nature, "I don't believe that's wise. I've been warned repeatedly about indulging in any form of casual carnality, and-" Ritsuko bursting out laughing cut him off, leading to him scowling at her.
"While I would be overjoyed to help you with that particular problem, I was referring to your pent-up extradimensional pressure," coming to a halt in front of a heavy door, she winked at him, "not to any other forms of pressure." Walking two fingers up his sternum, she tapped him on the chin. "I'm well aware that your 'Professor' has filled your head with half-truths regarding sexuality, Shinji. But his biggest concern was you having a child, not you having fun." Opening the door, she gestured into a room that was covered wall to wall and floor to ceiling in ruby-colored minerals. "LCL renders you sterile on contact, the effects last up to three weeks. I'd just caution you to keep an awareness of diseases and infections. Chlamydia is nobody's idea of a good time."
With his footing now completely undermined, Shinji tried to straighten out the twin balls of yarn that were the room before him and the woman beside him. Judiciously choosing to engage with the former, as the latter was still quite a bit more advanced in the social warfare department, he asked, "How…much did this cost? A new pair of glasses runs me at least three hundred bucks!"
Pulling him into the room and closing the hatch behind them, the leggy scientist reveled in the minor victory in their ongoing battle of wits. "You're not the only one who is independently wealthy, good sir." Walking off to one side, she began to shed her clothing as her body transformed into the living ruby form she'd shown him before. "Take off your visor, enjoy a few moments of freedom from the headache."
Intentionally avoiding looking over at the now nude and semitranslucent beauty, Shinji took off his visor and allowed his eyes to wander around the other half of the room. The flat surfaces of the room stood in mute acceptance of the powerful beams, neither deflecting nor reflecting them. He felt a smile growing within him, the rare chance to be truly free something he doubted would ever be possible. "I guess I really have become accustomed to living my life in pain."
"Which is something I fully intend to help change." Stepping up behind him, she laced her arms under his and hugged into him while setting her chin on his shoulder. "In any way I can."
Feeling the sizable protrusions she was gifted with pressing against his back reminded him that he wasn't actually pain free, despite being able to relieve the constant ache in his temples and on the bridge of his nose. "I don't follow."
"Please don't play stupid," she scoffed. "You're not a good actor, and you're not an idiot. We just spoke about this a few minutes ago." Walking around before him, she pulled his head back down as he snapped it upwards to avoid looking at her. "I am immune to your power, you ninny." Standing where she was, in her ruby form, being bombarded by beams of red death, not a single hair on her head so much as drifted slightly out of place. "Am I so unsightly that you're that disinterested in me?"
She was a vision of physical beauty, of that there was no doubt. It was like she'd been hand-carved by a master artisan possessed by Aphrodite herself. "You read the Report…you know what happened."
"I did, in fact, read the report. I do, in fact, know what happened," she agreed. "I am, despite what you may wish to be true, a fully rational, healthy, adult woman with the free will to offer myself to whom I wish."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"I enjoy a little pain with my pleasure," she countered. "Let me help you tame that instinct. Let me help you learn to control that part of you." Running her fingers through his hair, she kept her eyes on his. "You deserve to live without pain. You deserve to live a full life."
"Senpai! What are you doing in there with him?!" The voice of Maya Ibuki, single-minded killjoy, rang through the room around them. Standing at the previously covered viewing station, glaring past Shinji's shoulder to Ritsuko, she had one hand wrapped around the microphone and the other balled into a fist and pressed against the ruby-quartz barrier. "Are you trying to get in trouble?"
"There's a sealable window covering," Shinji mused aloud. "Makes sense."
"I love her to pieces, but I'm going to forget to return to flesh and bones when I go slap her for interrupting," Ritsuko growled. Cupping his cheek, she gave him a final look of desire for the moment. "Think about it…ok? You can't hurt me nearly as much as you think you can, and I haven't had a decent man share my bed…." She frowned, tilting her head to the side in thought. "I actually just haven't. They both were pretty destructive to my self-worth. Huh." With a sigh, she let him go and moved towards her clothing. "Looks like it's back into the swimsuit for me. Why don't you do some calisthenics while you drain your battery, since we can't engage in other means of physical activity under the watchful glare of my assistant."
Maya watched Ritsuko get dressed, growling to herself over the irritation of having just reminded Akane of the rules only to see the third in command blithely ignoring them, and kept her eyes on the woman as she made her way out of the ruby chamber. Once the door was closed again, she turned off the microphone and snapped, "You just violated seven different-"
"If you want to work for someone else, you can just say so, dear." Ignoring the smaller woman almost entirely, Ritsuko walked over to her workstation and began observing the measurements being recorded as Shinji passively emitted enough energy to power a prefecture. "What would you like me to do, have my clothing shredded off of me by his power? I can make myself immune, yes, but I can't do the same for things not me. He is a professional, and was acting suitably professional despite my nudity."
"I saw you playing with his hair."
"You saw me trying to keep him from drowning himself in self-reproach. There's nothing in the rules about touching the pilots."
"The appearance of impropriety-"
"Matters exceedingly little to me," she stated with a growing hint of frost. "There are a grand total of two people with access to this room, and I had believed that the other woman with access understood that there are times where the only avenue to advance scientific understanding is to do things that would otherwise be considered 'improper'." Lifting her eyes from the data, she glared at Maya. "Have I made my point sufficiently clear, lieutenant?"
"Crystal," the mousey junior officer ground out. "Permission to go put the finishing touches on the synchronization test?"
"Granted." Resuming her review of the data, she inwardly sighed in irritation. She truly did care for Maya as a friend, and was more than happy to allow her to act as something of a guiding conscience for matters of lower importance, but one way or another she was going to create a dynamic where Shinji had controllable access to one or more people that wouldn't break when he had sex with them. Continuing to allow him to live in misery was anathema to them all living long enough for the fate of the future to be decided.
+++++ NERV Tokyo-3. 3rd Angel + 4. Monday, September 23rd.
Having gone through a light workout, Shinji lay down on the floor of the Ruby Room and let his mind wander free. It had been an hour since Ritsuko had left the room, and no matter which way he turned the conundrum he was left with only two true pathways. He could trust her to know herself, to know what had happened, and relieve himself of a near-intolerable amount of pain, or he could instead continue his ascetic path and trust in both his training and will to succeed. "A course, a course…my kingdom for a course."
There was an audible click, the sound of a speaker system reconnecting with external inputs, and then Ritsuko's voice asked, "Feeling vaguely at peace?"
Holding up one hand, with a single thumb up, he wordlessly passed along how he would answer in the middle of a firefight. Peace was an illusion, and he couldn't afford to be so myopic.
"Good. What I need you to do, then, is go all out." A hint of amusement entered her tone when he rolled up into a seated position and looked back at her with obvious doubt that he'd heard her correctly, "Hit the east wall, hard as you can. There's nothing in that direction that's irreplaceable if something gives way, and we need to get a gauge for how strong you've grown. I can't build protections into Unit-01 without knowing tolerance levels, and I think we both want to be certain that you don't become your own worst enemy in combat if your visor fails."
The last time he'd truly let loose with everything he had, there was one less fully contained volcano in the world. He'd often wondered if there was any form of upper limit on the ruby quartz they used, and despite himself he was starting to become interested in the notion of trying to find one. Standing up, he closed his eyes and rubbed the heels of his palms into them. This went against everything he'd been taught. This went against his personal ethos of holding himself in control. This was stupid, reckless, and was likely going to end poorly. With a slight frown, he made a choice.
+++++ NERV Tokyo-3. 3rd Angel + 4. Monday, September 23rd.
Kozo Fuyutsuki had been sitting in his office going through a particularly dull financial report, enjoying a cup of tea, when the room began to shake violently. His first thought, being a son of Japan, was that it had been a while since an earthquake that powerful had been visited upon the area. The typical rumblers never amounted to more than a low four on the Richter scale, and this was at least a six. Then he remembered that the GeoFront, and through it the building he was in, were seismically protected. The earth itself could unleash something up to, and possibly past, a nine point five without causing him to feel much more than as if a large truck had driven past the room he was in. Standing up and preparing to tear someone's head off for not warning him of an incoming Angel attack or a direct strike of every remaining N2 mine on Earth, his wrath was forestalled by Ritsuko's voice broadcasting over the P.A. system:
"Stand down from emergency stations. I repeat, stand down from emergency stations. There was a slight miscalculation in a power generation calibration, there have been no casualties. The Science Department apologizes for any distress caused."
Listening to the message as she repeated it again, Kozo rolled his eyes and thanked his few good fortunes that Gendo was elsewhere when this happened. While most of his employees would believe what the woman was saying, he himself knew good and well what Yui's son had just done. Moving with a better idea as to his destination, he hoped that whatever it was that had just happened was her fault, and not Shinji's.
Upon arrival at Ritsuko's lab, Kozo was greeted by the sight of Ritsuko and Maya frantically working together to capture all of the data they possibly could about the event. Taking a few more steps forward, he was able to see into what he had begun to call the 'Red Room', where Shinji stood with his arms crossed and a perfect mirror of Yui's traditional 'thinking frown' adorning his lips. The door to the Red Room had been opened, and so he took the opportunity to engage in a softer level of diplomacy than his superior would ever dream of using. Stepping through, he greeted the young man he'd known for far too short a period of time with the air of a kindly uncle, "Good afternoon, Mister Ikari. I trust that your living accommodations have not been too overly burdensome?"
There was a short delay in Shinji speaking after he looked towards Kozo. "British English without the accent is…rather odd, now that I think about it."
The purposeful use of Japanese was a message, and one Kozo could be gracious about all things considered. "Isn't it, though? Delightful language, if a bit overburdened with undesirable baggage."
"Touché." His lips curled into a smirk, seeming to enjoy the exchange of barbs. "Akane and Mikoto are doing their best to handle my intrusion into their lives, sub-commander. Any problems that have arisen are surely of my own making. The three of us are actually having dinner with a friend of theirs tonight, which should speak to how well we all get along."
"Indeed." The reports were clear that he was spending time around Nanako Dojima, a fellow mutant and arbiter for Yui's former 'Family'. "It sets my heart at ease to know that you're not isolating yourself. While your father would likely enjoy nothing more than throwing you in a cell and only dragging you out when Unit-01 is needed, I hope you come to trust that there are others of us here that wish nothing of the sort. Your mother was a good friend of mine, and I'd like to think that she…would not have wanted you to be burdened as you are."
The only sign of emotion on Shinji's face now was the slight tilt to the side as he asked, "The mutation, the ability to pilot the Evangelion, or the Marduk Report?"
"The latter, son…the latter." Kozo sighed, knowing all too well the unfounded fears of people who were 'different'. "Your mutation is what you make of it, right or wrong. It is no different than you owning a firearm, or holding a knife in a nursery. You choose whether or not to become a bad person, not your mutation."
Taking quick note of the absence of the middle point, he asked, "And piloting?"
"That was always her intent. That you would become a pilot, that you would see the best and worst of humanity, that you would accept your role as something greater than a salary man or factory worker." With a shrug, the old professor looked to the wall that had been damaged by Shinji's blast. "Cavitation?"
"That's my thought. Professor Essex made it pretty clear to me that the only reason this material works to stop me from wreaking havoc is that it has similar frequency oscillations to my own skin." Shinji scrubbed the back of his head. "Though he referred to psionic frequencies as well, which I'll admit I never studied at his request."
"He kept you away from psionics?" That seemed rather odd to Kozo. "Your mother was quite likely the most powerful telepath ever. One would assume a naturally inquisitive lad such as yourself would have an interest in the topic."
"Thank you," Shinji snorted out. "That was exactly my argument."
Seeing an inroad, Kozo made an offer that would give him a chance to gain the young man's confidence, "I still have your mother's reference materials. In addition to paraphysics and other more esoteric branches, her hobby was discovering and refining her knowledge on her own gifts. Would you like to borrow them for a time?"
"…I'm wary of taking pomegranate seeds."
Coughing out a light chuckle, Kozo's heart grew warmer. Yui would indeed be overjoyed to know her son turned out so well, despite everything. "I have no interest in dragging you back to Tartarus, my boy. I only say 'borrow' because I'm positive your father would insist on me giving them to him before you, were I to give them away. I'll have them delivered to your new dwelling. Hopefully it will be finished soon, as we have much work to do once Unit-01 is back to full functionality." Waving a farewell behind him as he walked away, Kozo missed the subtle drop in Shinji's lips that would have clued him into the confusion the young man was now processing.
+++++ NERV Tokyo-3. 3rd Angel + 4. Monday, September 23rd.
It was well past 1700 when Akane loosed Mikoto on the door into Ritsuko's lab. With the enhanced physical strength the feline agent could bring to bear when transformed, it wasn't long before she had simply ripped the two sides of the door apart from one another to stride into the room with her tail violently twitching and her ears laid back flat in anger. "All right, where the fuck is my Shinji?"
Sitting in a rolling chair in the corner of the room, with his feet resting on the desk in front of him, Shinji felt a wave of relief at the sight of his roommates. "Over here, tiger. They've just been ignoring me for the last four hours." Standing up, he remained still as Akane looked him over for damage. "Promise. No mad science, just an odd physics question that they're working on unravelling now."
"Good, let's go." While Mikoto played her part and distracted Ritsuko and Maya with a full read through regarding Section Two's authority to guarantee the safety of anyone under their protection, Akane dragged Shinji quickly out of the room. "So what happened?"
"She asked me to go all out. I…still held back, but I let loose far more than I normally would." While he wasn't really comfortable with her arm around his, he let the situation lie and used his free arm to gesture. "Full room of the same stuff my glasses use. Somehow, and this should not have been possible, I caused the wall to wibble."
"…Wibble?"
"When you watch me, trying to see my eyes through the lenses like I see you doing, do you see the lens vibrating?"
"No."
"That's because despite the kinetic force behind my blasts, my skin and the ruby quartz both cancel all of that energy out. Just stops it dead. There's no wibble, because whatever I'm blasting out told Newton to fuck off."
"The fuck is a wibble?"
"Less than a twerk, more than a shimmy."
"The fuck is a twerk?"
At this point, Mikoto caught up to them and hopped up on Shinji's back to cling to him. "You still on for dinner?" Even back in her human form, she still held a degree of strength that most would find unnatural.
"I'm actually starving," Shinji admitted. "Have either of you heard about me moving?"
"Part of the reason I'm so pissed," Mikoto snapped, before calming herself. "We wanted to get your input on where our new digs would be, but we had to answer before we left the meeting and Lieutenant Bitch wouldn't forward our calls. Hope you're not mad at us for not talking to you about it."
He wasn't mad at them, though he was irritated that he wasn't consulted. "Not your fault. If you two say you tried, I believe you. Where are we moving?"
"Southeast of the CBD. Traffic's actually not bad on that end of town," Akane stated, patting his chest in understanding. "We're actually moving pretty close to Xenia and The Blue Crane! It'll be easier to visit both, now."
"How was us moving closer to a zone of conflict between two local powers approved?" Careful to avoid smacking Mikoto with the back of his head, he looked over to Akane. "Xenia's on the border of Shirakami territory, according to Shadowcat."
"Because I'm cute," Mikoto deadpanned. "Less worries, more moving! I'm starving too."
+++++ The Blue Crane. 3rd Angel + 4. Monday, September 23rd.
Another day, another walk with two beautiful, deadly, women to a strange location run by yakuza. The part of town they were moving through felt strange, almost foreign, to him. The men they walked past were a mixture of cordial and guarded, as if they saw an enormous polar bear sauntering by them and needed to be both polite and non-existent at the same time. The women they walked past held a warm grin for him, but icy stares for both Mikoto and Akane. It was the children that made everything so unnatural, however, as unlike the adults they seemed completely unbothered by their presence. Bright smiles and friendly waves paired with boisterous greetings and wishes for a good day, as if they were passing heroes. Shinji was going to comment on it, when they turned a corner and he saw the most aesthetically perfect depiction of a crane in flight that he'd ever witnessed. An enormous blue statue that, despite the age of the building itself, looked as if it were both brand new and had been there forever.
"Ladies," a Heavy, standing at the doors to the restaurant attempting to look like nothing more than a doorman, bowed politely to Akane and Mikoto. "Sir." The single word, both greeting and warning, was delivered with respect. Shinji didn't cause problems, there wouldn't be problems.
Choosing to nod, rather than respond verbally, Shinji was immediately overwhelmed by the aura inside the building itself. Warmth, physical and yet intangible, pressed down around everything. This wasn't a place to go eat, this was a place to come home. Standing at a lectern, the next in a line of functionally violent individuals took the group in.
While not as physically imposing as the man outside, this man seemed every bit as equipped for obscene levels of violence should it be called for. "Dojima-san is expecting you, if you would kindly wait one moment?"
"Sure," Akane stated dismissively. Her eyes trailed around the room, occasional hints of concern showing in her bearing.
A lifetime of being fate's punching bag informed Shinji's question, "Are we walking into a trap?"
"Not the kind we fight out of," Mikoto soothed him, keeping her voice down. "Everyone in here is Shirakami. Everyone."
He didn't believe in coincidences. "These aren't guests, they're defenses?"
"I trust Nanako." The statement was more of a balm than a reassurance, but Akane couldn't hide the uncertainty.
"啊, 我亲爱的朋友们! 欢迎, 欢迎, 进来吧." A young, matronly, woman came bustling over with a smile that bespoke a great heart and physical gestures that seemed to encourage friendly intimacy.
Putting together from the reaction of the 'guests' that this was the woman in charge of things, Shinji fell back on manners and stoicism to not make a scene. With the assumption that Taiwanese-accented Mandarin was the lingua franca, he intoned, "女士, 谢谢您的热烈欢迎."
Without pausing in the slightest, the woman pulled Shinji into a tight embrace. "Oh, you even know how to speak a proper language. Your mother would be so proud of you." Holding him back out enough to look up into his face, she showed the tears standing in her eyes. "It shames me beyond hope of redemption to look on you, 小弟."
"Xuefan Xu, do you normally greet new customers by molesting them?" Mikoto's teasing jibe was paired with her joining the friendly embrace. Smooshing both Shinji and the proprietress against one another, she whispered out her concern, "Why are we surrounded by your Family?"
Pressing a kiss against Shinji's temple, she sighed with irritation. "Because I will not tolerate a repeat of what happened at Xenia." Clearly addressing the two agents, she nevertheless looked into Shinji's glasses-covered eyes as she declared, "I swore to your mother, when I babysat you, that no harm would come to you while you were in my care."
Akane encouraged Mikoto to set them down, understanding now what was happening more fully. "You were eight, Xuefan. Nobody is going to hold you accountable for not being able to keep a promise you made fifteen years ago."
Despite now being on her own feet, Xuefan kept herself leaned into Shinji to maintain contact. "I would, and do." Shifting how she stood to take firm control of Shinji's arm, she began walking them through the restaurant proper towards the back where the private rooms were located. Leaning against him and walking with the same dignified grace she'd used when approaching them, her voice gained enough volume to be heard by those who needed the information, "You are far more serious than I remember, 小弟. You were far more eager to share your inner light, though perhaps no less earnest in your delivery."
Working through what memories he could dredge up that weren't focused entirely on the death of his mother's physical form, he managed to draw a limited picture of a lively, pony-tailed, girl. "You…wore a forest green dress, with white denim shorts beneath."
Stopping their progress before an enormous set of doors, she stepped before him and looked up at him as if he'd given her the greatest gift she could ever hope to receive. "You remember!" Issuing a joyous squeal, she jumped up and threw her arms around his neck to hug him again. "I would always wear the same thing, whenever I was babysitting you. Your memory for faces was fickle, but you could always remember colors."
She never accepted a single Yen for her services, Yui's voice echoed sorrowfully in his mind. She'd come over at five in the morning, stay until nine or ten at night, and be there again the next day if we needed. There are times where I honestly believe you loved her more than me.
Shinji was grateful that any tears shed were obliterated by his unending mutation, and that the glasses kept that fact hidden. It was his turn to wrap his arms around her in a close embrace. Not tonight, mom. I don't want to argue. "That hasn't changed too much, honestly." The words came out with the same quiet strength everyone had come to expect from him, carefully sculpted to avoid betraying how badly he hurt about a life he would never know. "Except it's more about shades and hues, rather than specific colors." Setting her back on her feet, he tapped the rim of his glasses. "Learning to differentiate colors was one of the first major challenges I had to overcome."
"I want to hear all about them," she enthused. "Those were two of the happiest years of my life, watching as you learned to stand, then learned to walk, and everything else." The doors, opened by two guards from within the room, gave way to a room that was immaculately appointed to howl hearth and home to any that would lay eyes upon it. "Tonight, we are going to spend an evening restoring a connection that should never have been allowed to be severed."
When Nanako, sitting at a many-jointed table, saw them, she waved with a silly grin in greeting. "Hey guys! I just heard the chef promise to deep fry someone if their dish wasn't finished in the next few minutes, so I guess it's food time."
Akane and Mikoto pushed Shinji forward, the former declaring, "Good, because I'm starving. Let's get eating!"
As soon as he was seated, another set of doors that led directly into the kitchen burst open to admit a stream of wait staff. Drinks were poured, beginning courses set before everyone, lights dimmed and candles lit, all without any one person spending more than a few seconds outside of the kitchen itself. A tightly choreographed dance that demonstrated the regimentation and discipline Xuefan demanded of those working in her restaurant. Urged to take a bite before saying another word, Shinji complied by tasting the delicious smelling soup before him. The instant it hit his tongue, he knew why it had been placed before him. "…My third birthday. You made this on my third birthday."
"It was all I could do, since I was only ten. I didn't have money to buy a gift, and your parents were doing another all-day shift." The maudlin smile she had accentuated the bittersweet tone she spoke in, "But I did the best I could to make my parent's family soup recipe." Turning to look at everyone else, she laughed fondly at the memory. "He was sitting so patiently in his little chair where I could see him, miming my motions and repeating the words I said. I listed every ingredient, slowly, every action I was taking, slowly, in both Taiwanese and Japanese, and he was repeating them so seriously it just made me want to hug him and never let go."
"I honestly didn't know you knew him," Nanako admitted with a half shrug. "I only knew him by reputation, and I have a hard time seeing the man responsible for saving the world dozens of times being a toddler."
Akane snorted. "We all have to start somewhere, kid. Just because he's tall, toned, and talented now doesn't mean that he came out of the womb that way."
Content to let others speak, Shinji dedicated himself to lingering over the appetizers. Each bit of texture, each teasing scent, brought more and more memories of a portion of his life he'd almost entirely forgotten before coming here. Whatever the others were talking about, there was laughter and merriment. There was camaraderie and sharing. There was peace.
+++++ The Blue Crane. 3rd Angel + 4. Monday, September 23rd.
One hour and one enormous meal later, Shinji sat back in his seat looking into his mostly empty teacup. A sense of reminiscence had asserted itself at the table, everyone either thinking of 'better times' or waiting patiently for him to find the words he wanted to speak. He knew they were waiting for him, though if there was a question that had been asked it was lost to the void. Setting his cup down, he threaded his fingers together and looked across the table to where Nanako had seated herself. "How was your day?"
"Long." The question was clearly not what she'd expected, though Nanako rolled with it regardless. "I have everything set to rights again at Xenia, and most of the injuries my bouncers sustained have been taken care of. I've had a mountain of paperwork to get through, and several interviews with the police about Cain's involvement. Everything was caught on the security cameras, of course, and so they've already put out an arrest warrant for him."
Resting his jaw against his fist, his elbow propped up on the arm of his seat, he thought through what it would take to arrest someone as strong as the massive man had been. "He's not a mutant, but he's way too strong to be human. His size alone doesn't fit with normalcy either. Too broad at the shoulders despite being so lean. It's as if all of his strength is…borrowed. They're going to have to catch him while he's asleep, or drunk."
"Is this what you do now?" Xuefan reached over and gently patted his wrist. "Tactics and stratagems, even when you take your leisure?"
"He doesn't do 'leisure'," Mikoto growled out. "Spent his whole life having the concept of 'fun' beaten out of him."
"Three curses upon your wastrel of a father," she spat out with surprising heat. "My mother, may she rest her soul, offered anything she had to that bastard if he would just let her give you a home." The Taiwanese beauty glared death down at her empty plate. "You would have grown up in a house filled with love. With joy. You wouldn't have to carry the scars of a man thrice your age."
Shinji could feel Nanako's eyes gauging his face, trying to pierce the stoic expression he'd long since perfected. "A lovely dream…but just that." With his free hand, he pointed to the map of the world that took up a large section of one wall. "If I hadn't been taken in by Professor Essex, it's entirely probable that most of South America would be nothing but a hive of Sentinels. Southwestern Europe would be a plague zone. Northeast Africa would be little more than glass." Each conflict, each person lost to achieve victory, shuffled past his mind's eye. "At the cost of sixty-four mutants, and far too many humans, the teams I've led have managed to forestall the apocalypse time and again…any 'joy' I lost is a small price to pay when you contemplate how many millions of children were allowed to keep their own." His voice dimmed. "To say nothing of the discovery of the ruby quartz lenses."
"No matter how effective you might have been," Akane rapped her knuckles against the table, "there's no excuse for employing child soldiers. Is it necessary, because of how the Evas work? Yes. Is it excusable? No. So it wasn't excusable then, either."
"Wasn't my choice to make, then or now," he agreed in principle. "Problem is, if I had to make the choice to do it all again, I would. If I suffer so someone else doesn't have to, that's a win."
Mikoto was idly gnawing on a bone, eyeing him with a mixture of irritation and curiosity. "Is that why you avoid the question whenever someone asks you about intimacy?"
Not wanting to have an open brawl in her restaurant, Xuefan attempted to blunt the narrative a touch, "Oh, I'm sure Shinji has a whole legion of admirers, he probably just doesn't want to harm anyone's reputation by having them get involved with someone so famous."
Coughing into her hand, Akane hacked out, "Bullshit."
Nanako rolled her eyes. "Ok, ladies. No need to get catty. I have every right to believe that Shinji meant it earlier when he said he was worried about hurting people by dating them. He's been gentleman enough to sit here and listen to us blab on about all sorts of stuff, I doubt we need to drag the conversation towards something so intimate so soon."
"Hurting people?" At that, Xuefan looked to Shinji with more than a touch of concern. "Whyever would you hurt someone by dating?"
Looking instead towards his agents, Shinji asked, "Not going to let this go…are you?"
"Sitting at this table, there are four women who think you're a great guy," Mikoto replied in a tone more suited to an interrogation than a conversation. "At least two of them have offered to make the beast with two backs, and if it wasn't for your insistence that we'd be harmed by you doing so, you would have taken at least one of us up on that. My friend," she flicked a finger towards Nanako, "and a woman I respect more than anyone," then towards Xuefan, "are showing active interest in getting friendlier towards you. If you are actually a threat, I need to know. If you're just being overdramatic, I need to know."
"Mikoto, I don't think that we should push him to speak on something he isn't ready to," Nanako interjected.
"And I think that I would like to know what has happened to my 小弟," Xuefan urged in a slightly more commanding tone. "I remember a boy with a vibrant aura and a keen insight, even for one so young. Fifteen years is a short time, for an eighteen-year-old to have changed so much."
With a sigh of irritation, Shinji sat upright in his chair as if delivering an after-action report. "Not long after my seventh birthday, my body underwent an accelerated period of growth. Faster than even the most extreme periods of puberty you may have read about. Between the ages of seven and nine, I finished growing to what you see before you now. During that period of time, I engaged in active se-"
"You were raped, repeatedly," Akane barked out. "At no point, regardless of extenuating circumstances or sudden changes in body configuration, has it been legal, acceptable, or tolerable for someone to do that to a child." Setting her cup down, she leaned forward glaring at him. "Would you do that to a seven-year-old?!" The slow turn of his head towards her, the frozen visage of stoic anger, was enough of an answer for her. "Then why would it be all right for you?"
Xuefan, her knuckles aggressively pale as she held onto her armrests with a grip that would crush atoms, asked calmly, "Who were you living with, 小弟?"
"Gendo's brother, and his wife," Shinji replied nonchalantly, his eyes still boring into Akane's. "Kindly explain to me, agent, why it is that either of you are interested in me sexually. In detail, if you would."
"Because I'm a slut, if the person I'm looking at flicks my bean right," Mikoto answered without shame. "You're cute, you're intelligent, and you're kind. Why not get some, if you're giving."
It was Akane's turn to roll her eyes as Nanako had. "She's not a slut. Because you're the kind of man to do what's right, not what's easy."
While the question hadn't been directed towards her, Nanako added, "Because you danced with me without making me feel weird. You made me laugh with your dry wit, and smile with your attention to how I was feeling even while you were so uncomfortable with doing something outside of your comfort zone." Resting her chin on her intertwined fingers, her elbows resting on the table, she seemed to see far more than the others had. "You radiate an aura of things being under control. Of safety. Of…power."
Shinji's face softened when he looked to Nanako with a grateful nod. "I don't know of a mutation that causes women to feel that way…but if you come across one that doesn't feel that way about me when I interact with them, I'll spend the rest of my life as your servant." Returning to his 'report', he continued the story, "Professor Essex studied the phenomenon for years without reaching a breakthrough. It was during this time that he discovered my…'need' for physical intimacy. Once he had decided that we should conclude testing, owing to the difficulty in procuring willing participants that weren't compromised by their own lack of intelligence, the pain began."
"Everyone needs physical contact," Akane asserted. "I've never heard of someone suffering from constant physical agony because they don't get laid."
"Which is very curable," Mikoto tacked on. "If you'd just let us act on our own life decisions."
"If he could be confident that you were not being compelled to find him so attractive, it's possible he might." Standing up, Xuefan continued speaking as she moved over to an intercom system. "However, his concern comes from a lack of understanding. The last time he knew what warmth and love were, he was three." Pressing a button, she spoke without waiting for someone to verify the connection. "我需要三队, 每队六人. 账外. 马上." Releasing the button after a sound of affirmation, she turned back to Shinji with a smile that comingled affection and unyielding mastery of her domain. "I would appreciate being a part of your life again, but I will leave the decision to you out of respect for the distance that time has created."
There was something in her bearing that worried him. "你需要团队做什么?"
"In Japanese, please," Akane asked in an even tone.
"Because I will know the truth of things, and then I will ensure that society does not continue to suffer those who only burden us with their wasteful consumption," Xuefan answered Shinji. "I am filthy with shame that my parents did not do more to secure your presence. A shame that I do not believe I will ever be able to wash clean. I do not control you, nor your decisions about what it is that you will do." Her tone became inflexible, "Do not presume to dictate my decisions, unless you choose to pay for the privilege of doing so."
As frustrating as her decisions were, he respected the fact that she understood the difference between asking and demanding. Few, if any, of his peers or elders seemed to remember that he was a fully functioning adult with free will. "I…." There was no good way to speak his mind. No magical set of words that could express his frustrations. "I would like to hear more from you about a past I barely remember. Maybe if we talk more, we can come to an understanding."
"I am grateful that you would offer me this opportunity," she declared with a soft bow. "If I could make a recommendation?"
"Sure."
"I have never, in all my years knowing these two rapscallions, found them to be easily swayed into anything they do not wish to do." She gestured with one hand towards Akane and Mikoto, though her eyes remained focused on Shinji. "If they say they are genuinely offering you relief from what I believe is significant pain by the expedient of physical intimacy…I would think no less of you for accepting that offer. I know, in my heart, that they will not suddenly accuse you of taking advantage of them."
Nanako's head was rocking side to side in thought. "What is it, specifically, that hurts?"
"Everything. Toes to nose, inside and out." Shinji shrugged one shoulder, the cat had been evicted from the bag's neighborhood, leaving him no need to keep secrets anymore. "All day, everything I do. It's like someone is rolling a rod covered in flaming thorns along the entirety of my body and soul." Picking up a knife, he set the point against the back of his hand and pressed down enough to draw blood. "This doesn't hurt me." When Akane reached over and snatched the knife away, he scowled at her.
"It does do damage, however," she snapped in exasperation. "What you're talking about are pain gates. Whatever this is, it's overriding all of your other pain receptors."
"Are you…interested?" Nanako seemed to be meandering towards something, the questions helping her make up her mind. "In sex, I mean."
Opening his mouth, then closing it again, he tried to piece together a sane answer. Did he want relief from the pain? He didn't really care anymore. Life was pain, that was just how it was. Did he want to hold someone close and feel like they desired his proximity? Mikoto had proven that to be true enough. It had been a long time since he'd had an erection at seeing someone's form, the opportunity having been taken away from him by the endless pursuit of knowledge and ability back in New York. "I try not to think about it."
"Understandable," she agreed, "but not what I asked."
"I don't know," he shook his head slowly, "I really don't. She's not wrong that I'm terrified that I'd be hurting people by taking them up on offers. That I'm somehow…drawing women towards me. I tried to keep my housemates at a distance to avoid hurting them, but the more I pushed Mikoto away the tighter she clung to me."
With a snort, Mikoto tossed the bone she'd been gnawing at back onto her plate. "Empath. I'm starting to think I know what you feel better than you do, despite how deeply you feel it." Looking to the other women in the room, she added, "He has ice running through his veins, but when he does feel something he feels it with all his heart. It's a huge part of my frustrations here. I can feel he wants to take comfort from me. Wants to hold and be held. He just won't let himself."
Nanako changed her target, "Can you smell anything odd on him? Pheromones?"
"Just the standard 'mutant' smell, and his natural scent. Like a deep, dark, forest."
She nodded, having expected the response. "Have you considered that maybe you're just attractive, then?" With her lips curled off to one side, she took Shinji in slowly. "I mean, you keep your hair controlled. You've got the build of someone who's active physically. You carry yourself like a war vet. You're well-spoken and highly educated. Your voice is both powerful and measured. The only 'demerit' that I can think of is that I can't see your eyes, and that's just because I'm curious what color they are."
"Blue," Xuefan filled in the missing detail. "Like the boundless sky on a summer day."
"If it was just that, then…." Frowning, Shinji shook off the idea. "It doesn't fit. I can't explain it, or why I feel that way, but it's just that there's something missing in that explanation."
"Only way we're going to solve the mystery is by spending more time talking about it," Nanako declared. "So, now that we've had a chaperoned date, how about you take me somewhere nice tomorrow?"
"He's not authorized to walk off the leash just yet," Akane apologized. "But I like the enthusiasm. Give us some time to convince our leadership to ignore their leadership, ok?"
Shinji's emotions grew more muddied, hearing Nanako's request after she'd been told the unvarnished truth. What could possibly possess such a cute, put together, business owner to risk herself like that? Madness.
+++++ Apartment. 3rd Angel + 4. Monday, September 23rd.
In what was to be their last night in the apartment, Shinji found himself in the midst of a whispered argument between himself and Mikoto regarding sleeping arrangements. "I'm concerned about your safety. You saw what happened recently! We still don't know why my TK suddenly went bonkers."
"But I do know that you're in constant pain, you have been without human comforts, and that you enjoyed me sitting on your lap enough that your erection had to be accommodated," she countered without significant heat. Laying out her argument, again, in a calm and clinical tone, she repeated, "I am willing to take the risk to see if you have a better night's sleep with me curled against you. We do not have to take this further than just laying against one another, and the choice to move further will always be up to you. I am willing to go as far as you want to."
"I just explained at dinner why-" His statement was cut short by a finger across his lips.
"And Nana-chan explained perfectly why someone would find you attractive regardless," she countered. "We are going to start working on your self-image too. You have confidence in combat, and in social situations outside of the bedroom, but whoever this professor you keep talking about is they did a terrible job helping you come to terms with how physically and mentally attractive you have become. I don't want someone taking advantage of that, unless it's me."
He sighed slowly, accepting that the only way to counter her arguments now was outright refusal on principle. She'd been a good person to him the past several days, and showed every sign of actually caring about him as an ally if not as a friend. "The visor stays on, for safety."
Perking up immediately, Mikoto nodded once. "A perfectly acceptable compromise." Taking his hands and hauling him into her room, she only made it two steps in before tossing him towards the bed and beginning to strip. "You can sleep with however many things on that you want, don't care. I sleep in the nude, however." With her top off and thrown in the laundry basket, she gave him a happy grin. "Thank you for trusting me."
The simple expression of gratitude for something he didn't normally do caused a logjam of words to form. How did he let her know that he appreciated being appreciated without seeming desperate for appreciation? Choosing to sleep in just his boxer-briefs, as a sign of good faith, he began undoing the buttons on his dress shirt. "I…just want to try and extend to you what you're offering to me. It's nothing special."
Helping him get his shirts off, she sat him down on the bed and put herself astride his legs to look him in the eyes with calm sincerity. "It is special. You have lived a hard life, filled with nothing that would even begin to help you trust someone outside of a combat situation." Framing his face with her hands, she pressed her lips to his softly. "Just like when I asked you to come dancing, and you didn't want to, you've shown me that it's not that you're being childish, petty, or stubborn…you're just being cautious." Throwing her arms around his neck she hugged him tight and purred, "It's so easy to respect you for that, and it makes me feel fantastic to know that you're stepping outside of that caution for me."
The decision to return her embrace took him a few seconds longer than it otherwise would have. Her bare chest was pressed against his now, her scent filling his nostrils, her warm breath playing down his back. His hands trembled ever so slightly as they pressed against her, the proximity and air of heady emotions chose his words for him, "Careful…."
The feel of him against her, even through his pants, was enough for her to fill in the blanks. A slight shift of her weight, enough to push the offer through, was paired with, "We'll go as far as you want, I promise you. Not a step further."
"As far as I want," he repeated, the tremble of need slowing down as he adjusted to the situation. "For now…." A cleansing breath. "For now, let's try some of that 'cuddling' you offered."
+++++ Author's Notes:
chuckieum:
RE: Professor Essex.
Might want to recheck your X-Men lore. Nathaniel Essex isn't a nom de guerre or OC.
RE: Yui and Ritsuko.
I've got more than enough secrets planned in this story for those two. I'm trying to take everyone out of my comfort zone, character-wise. Fingers crossed.