Chapter One
(Raya's POV)
Numb.
That's how my wife is feeling, or so she tells me. To be fair, I'm feeling numb as well…but nothing compares to the numbness my wife is feeling, since she was the one who had given birth to her.
Our daughter.
It's been five months, three weeks, four days and six hours since we lost our daughter, Suravi.
Her name means "sun".
Suravi was laid to rest under the same tree as my mother. Suravi never even got a chance to breathe in the outside world, or see her mothers' faces, or her grandparents', or uncle's. Jun, Becky's little brother, doesn't understand what's going on, being only two-and-a-half.
Can't say I don't envy the little guy.
It's been one month, two weeks, five days and three hours since Becky and I eloped, with just our families.
It's what we wanted, and who's to tell the princess of Heart and the princess of Spine what to do? Well, our fathers, for one...but, other than that...actually, they agreed that a small ceremony and reception would be best.
The rest of the clans understood, seeing as we lost our daughter not that long ago, but, still, two of the same clans that understood were also close to declaring war on us, and on Spine, for their invites being revoked.
Fang was one of those clans.
Namaari and I haven't spoken to each other much since before Becky had Suravi. Thankfully, she and I are still friends, but she's a little bitter that she couldn't be there when Becky and I became wives.
I certainly can't blame Namaari for feeling this way, nor can I blame my wife for feeling numb. The healers say her grief might also be a part of postpartum depression. Losing her baby - our baby - on top of having postpartum depression and PTSD and anxiety? Yikes.
Becky has thankfully recovered from the birth. Physically, at least. Emotionally, though? Tong and I have both had to comfort her in the middle of the night after she wakes up from another night terror. We're all so afraid her attacker is still out there, that they might strike again. Tong and I both know that we'd do anything to protect Becky.
All I can do for her - all anyone can do for her - is just lend a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on. Granted, I've had my tearful days, too, considering Suravi was my daughter as well.
Becky and I have been sharing our grief with our families, and with one another. That's not saying we give our grief to our families, or to one another, but we do talk about it: what we're missing most about Suravi…never knowing what her eyes would look like, or what her cry would sound like or…any of the firsts babies have.
Becky's been having more and more night terrors lately - either about the birth, or the multiple attacks, or being attacked during the birth. Her adoptive father, Tong, is right there with me comforting her, getting her water, or her blanket if she misplaced it during the night.
As well as night terrors, Becky's been having flashbacks as well as anxiety attacks.
Life hasn't been particularly easy for her since Ba, Becky and I went through that portal over a year ago.
But we're all there for her, and for each other, nonetheless.
All we can do is just...be. That's all we can do for right now.