CASSIE

When the news came out that Hadley was gone…it was like the floor had been ripped out from under me. I didn't want to believe it at first. There was just no possible way that Hadley Black—my best friend of my entire life—was dead.

At the start of the war, the pack made all of the imprints, children, and morals pile into our house for safety. It was one of the scariest days of all of our lives. To know that my friends, my aunts and uncles, my father was out fighting for their lives was alright hard enough.

I kept Melody as occupied as I could throughout the day and let her fall asleep on my lap when she'd finally relaxed enough to rest. I looked at her freshly painted pink nails and braided hair and my heart squeezed for her. I was probably the closest person that understood her. The mortal sibling of the supernatural. When the only thing you can do is wait…and wait…and wait. It's maddening. I tried to keep her focused on literally anything else other than the fact that her family wasn't home yet. It was just what we always do for each other. We take care of each other. We love every single person on the reservation like they're our own flesh and blood. Just in case.

Just in case something goes wrong.

That's the thing though—nothing had ever gone wrong before.

In the old days, when it was just the senior pack, the boys, Hadley, and I would pile into the Clearwater-Black house and we'd movie marathon until we couldn't keep our eyes open and ate enough candy to give ourselves stomachaches. And, while we didn't quite understand really, at the time, what it meant for our families to be fighting vampires, we always knew somehow that everything would be ok.

The one thing I was so certain of, that day, was that Hadley was going to be the first one to walk through that door to tell us that it was over. She'd have the biggest, brightest smile on her face; she'd be so proud, so excited that they'd done it as a team. She'd tell us that the Volturi were gone and that we could all go back to normal. Not a scratch on any of them. No harm, no foul. But that's not what happened…

August came in with Will, they were both horrifically white in the face. They had been assigned to patrolling the grounds while everyone was gone. I knew August wanted to be on the battlefield as much as everyone else, so I half expected him to come inside to complain that he was bored. "What's wrong, Aug? You look like you've seen a ghost," Kim said. She'd just finished making everyone try-not-to-think-about-it snacks with the help of Nate's new imprint, Montana, who I'd spent the last 12 hours getting to know.

It was only when the tears started welling up in Will's wide eyes that the energy shifted in the entire room. The boys didn't even have to say anything. It was only when Kim went, "Oh my god," and covered her mouth in shock that I realized something wasn't just wrong. It was the worst possible thing to happen to the reservation.

Wyatt and Nate were nowhere to be found. Same as Uncle Jake and Aunt Leah. There was just no way that this could be happening. I immediately shook Melody awake to send her to my room. She'd already been so worked up, I didn't think her finding out about something tragic happening this way was the best way. We all watched her sleepily drag her feet to the back of the house and quietly click her door closed. I shot to my feet and stood next to Kim, in front of August and Will. "Please don't tell me what I think it is…" I whispered.

Will shook his head in disbelief as a single tear rolled down his cheek. August looked crushed to bits. "She's gone…" Will whispered.

REESE

All I remember is finding Cass on her knees, crying, when I finally got back to the house. The entire house was stunned to silence.

I've seen a lot of death in my life, but nothing could have prepared me for how hard it was to find out that Hadley was dead. I didn't even know something was wrong as we'd kept fighting off the newborn army. There's always that moment when you think you could have moved faster or paid attention just a second sooner. It took me a while to phase back, but when I did, I had immediately gotten started setting fires to the piles of bodies.

Looking around, I remember being annoyed that I couldn't find Travis or Wyatt or any of the Quileute tribe. "Where the hell is everyone?" I asked out loud.

Then my head whipped toward the cliffs when I heard the most sobering cry I'd ever heard in my life. They just kept calling her name over and over again. Each time, their hysteria was more apparent than the second before. I ran over toward the noise and, right as I got over there, Travis and Wyatt were diving off the cliff into the choppy waters. Hadley's mother was sobbing, clinging to her husband. "No, no, no, no…" she cried. She broke away from Jacob and started running down the cliff. It only took a second for him to start running after her.

Nathaniel was standing at the edge, staring out at the water. His entire body was shaking, but not in that way that they do when they get angry and they're about to phase. He was quaking with fear. He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "HADLEY!" but it got lost in the air.

"Where is she?" I asked.

He looked back at me and his face told me everything I needed to know. He was close to tears. "She ran Jane off the cliff and then…then…"

"Then what?"

"Then we…we couldn't hear her anymore…or feel her…"

My stomach dropped. "Oh my god…"

Nathan searched out to the water again. He was searching for something—anything that may have been life out there. Then he stalked over to me. "You need to go back to the reservation," he told me. "August and Will already know, but you need to be there for Cass and Montana. They need you."

"Montana needs you, Nate," I argued with him.

He shook his head, but I could see the conflict in his face. Nate swallowed hard as he tried to speak. "I can't leave until I know for sure," he decided. "Go, please. Go to Cass and Montana. They need you."

And when I got back to the house, it was like the bomb had just gone off. Cass was on her knees, chest heaving, bawling her eyes out. Everyone around was either in quiet tears or quiet shock. Montana standing near the couch; she was holding herself with a hand over her mouth. I rushed over to her and she looked at me with wide, teary eyes. "Is it true?" she whispered.

I bit my lip and nodded. Her face crumbled as I pulled her into a hug. My head kept turning to Cassie, who was being held by Hadley's brother. "I'm sorry, Tana, give me just a sec," I whispered.

When Will spotted me, he let Cassie go. I dropped to my knees in front of Cass and pushed her hair out of her face. We locked eyes and she tried to stop her tears. But she ended up being racked with sobs harder than before as she fell into my arms. "It's not real. It can't be real," she cried. "Please tell me it's not real."

"I'm so sorry, Cassie," I tried to comfort her.

I held her all night. It was the only thing I could do.

I'd never been good at handling death. But Hadley's death was different. It hurt…

TRAVIS

We searched for her for hours.

As soon as she tackled Jane off of the cliff, Wyatt and I were right there, looking. Waiting for her head to pop back up. "Come on, Ace…" Wyatt whispered. He kept touching his chest, right over his heart.

Then we watched as she surfaced for exactly one second. "There she is!" I exclaimed. "Hadley!" She took a big gasp of a deep breath…before a wave took her under again.

"Wait, no. No!" Wyatt shouted.

Leah and Jacob came running, screaming Hadley's name. Leah was about ready to dive off the side to find her when Jacob stopped her. "Stop!" she cried. "My baby! That's my baby! That's…"

Then she stopped. I watched as she, Jacob, Wyatt, and Nathaniel all grabbed at their chests in the same place. Leah started breathing heavy as her body started to shake. Jacob held her up as much as he could as she crumbled to the ground and let out a wail I'd only ever heard once before. The last time I'd heard that much pain in someone's cries was the night of the fire. It came from the deepest parts of your heart; the ones that hold greater love than even you can never understand that you feel.

"I'm going in after her," Wyatt announced.

"Don't," Jacob ordered. There was something about the bravado in his voice that made even me pause. "That water is too dangerous, son. We can't lose both of you."

Wyatt looked over his shoulder. "Respectfully, sir, if there's even the smallest chance that she's still alive, I'm going to save her. Alpha Order be damned."

"I'm going in with you," I decided. He didn't look too sure about that, but I think he understood that we were wasting time talking about this. "Two pairs of eyes are better than one."

"Go, Wyatt, go now!" Leah cried. "Please!"

We glanced at each other briefly before we both dove into the water. I'd never told Wyatt this, but I admired his leadership. It never felt like his personal feelings were clouding his judgment. At least, not when we met again as adults. When we were still teenagers, it felt like the only thing that we had in common was Hadley. In a way, that's still true. But I respected their relationship…and I respected Hadley, my friend, too much to jeopardize anything.

I had hoped after the war was over, we could figure out truly how to be those uncomplicated friends that the two of us so desperately needed all those years ago. I'd already decided that, after the war, I was done phasing. I didn't want to just be a mirror or a shifter or a Child of the Moon. I wanted to be me, and I knew, if anyone would understand that, it would be Hadley.

The waves were enough to jerk us around quite a bit. Wyatt and I locked eyes under the weather. He pointed to his eyes with two fingers then mine before he told me in gestures to look west while he looked east. We searched for her for hours. I listened for any faint heartbeat, maybe a singular air bubble.

There was just nothing. Every time I felt my lungs screaming for air, I surfaced to take a breath. Just like Hadley had done. It was all a matter of timing. If she was a second earlier, she wouldn't have gotten caught up in that wave. Wyatt surfaced too with a gasp. "Anything?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing. You?"

He shook his head. I could tell that he was holding every single emotion back; it was all in his eyes. "I'm going back under," he told me.

We searched for her for hours.

We never found her body.

NATE

Every minute left like hours. And every hour felt like days.

Of course, I got why Wyatt was scouring every single inch of the waters to find her, but…we all knew the truth the second it happened. And, you know what, I was kicking myself in the ass because all I wanted to do was go home to Montana. I needed to hug her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. This fucking imprint was fucking with me hard.

But I needed to know if my best friend was alive first.

Staying on the cliffs, I looked out at every wave, every ripple of the water. Hoping, wishing that Hadley would pop up again and everything would be alright. And when it never happened, I found myself running down the cliff to the beach to wait for Wyatt and Travis to come out.

Aunt Leah and Uncle Jacob were waiting at the shore for them—for anything. "Did they find her yet?" I called out. They both looked riddled with agony. I went up to them and took my aunt's hand. "What can I do?"

She was speechless. Which…I'd never seen before. My aunt Leah was the bravest, strongest woman I'd ever known. And to see her so heartbroken was something I wasn't prepared for. Jacob spoke, but so quietly I almost didn't hear him. "Nathaniel…" he said, "I need you to go find Sue and Charlie. We need a search party."

My eyes widened. "Hadley could still be phased. That could risk exposure," I told him.

"I don't give a damn about exposure!" he roared. "We need to find her and we need to find her now! Go!"

"Yes, sir," I nodded before running toward the reservation.

The guilt of the failed Bond was weighing on my shoulders so heavily, especially now that Lee was…I can't even say it. It was my fault that the Bond didn't work. It was my fault that I had been fighting with my best friends. But you know when you try to resolve things in your head and you just end up making things worse? It was kind of like that.

The night before the ritual, we were supposed to use the time to find peace of mind. We had 12 hours to resolve whatever doubts we had about the Bond before we got up to the cliffs. And, instead of spending the night being peaceful, I spent that night arguing with my parents yet again about this stupid fucking ritual.

Actually, the ritual wasn't stupid. I had always been fascinated by it; I had just resolved that it would never happen for me because 1) I never wanted to give my father the satisfaction of his fucked up version of what he wanted to Uley legacy to be and 2) I wanted Wyatt and Hadley to have their happy ending the way that they wanted. We all thought they'd be the next Jacob and Leah. You know, the Alpha couple. The powerful. And somewhere along the way, the three of us had become much more formidable than I'd ever expected.

We're a team…we were a team.

I'd already been dreading going home to my parents, and, as soon as I stepped foot in the house, my father was obnoxiously cheerful after he'd heard that we would all be Bonding. He thought this meant that I would be the one to call the shots, influence the pack, create a new way of life on the reservation. What he kept saying was a 'better' way. All that meant was he thought he could have more authority over the pack through me. I told him he was out of his mind.

So, when we got up to that cliff, all I could think about was how much I didn't want to be like him. I worried about Montana, the potential of her hurting in any way like he did to Leah and my mom, and I worried about hurting Hadley and Wyatt. I never wanted to have the control, but I remember getting pissed when it felt like no one was listening. And I hurt them anyway.

Now Hadley was gone…it felt like my fault.

I found Sue Clearwater sitting on the front porch with Billy Black, his wife…and my father. I ran up to Billy's little red house as fast as I could. Sue and my father shot up out of their seats. "Nathaniel, what's the matter?" Sue asked.

I struggled to catch my breath as I tried to formulate my words. I couldn't say it out loud. If I said it, it would be true. "Sue…" I said through deep breaths instead. "Call Charlie."

"Charlie? What's going on?" my dad asked.

Billy's face was unreadable. We just stared at each other for a long time. He slowly took his cowboy hat off and held it to his chest. "Who was it, son?" he asked, quietly. I felt like he already knew though. All I could do was shake my head. Billy's jaw clenched as he tore his eyes away from mine. He looked at Sue. "Get Charlie on the phone."

"Does someone want to explain what's happening?" Sue asked in a huff. She pulled out her cell phone anyway, scrolling through her contacts to find Charlie's number.

"It's Hadley," I heard behind me. Will and August were coming up the way. Will's face was streaked with tears; August just looked angry and sad and distraught.

Sue gasped, covering her mouth. "No," she breathed. "Hadley…she's…she's just missing, right? She's fine, right? Tell me that she's fine!"

Will's head dropped in front of him. That's when I realized that he felt it when it happened too.

Sue called Charlie, hysterical. Begging him to call in every single favor to start a search. And while Wyatt and Travis were still searching, the police swept the water. We all searched every inch of land, every cave, every cliff. And every minute felt like hours. Every hour felt like days. No one wanted to say it. No one wanted to call off the search. Because no one wanted to believe it was true.

JACOB

The first thing that came to mind was feeling her on my chest the day she was born. She was so tiny and perfect. I never realized how good newborns smelled until I put my nose in her head full of hair and breathed her in. Even as she grew up, I never forgot that moment; it was the best day of my life.

All I care about is my daughter. All I ever wanted to do in this life is protect her.

When something happens to your child, you can't help but question if there was something you could have done that would have prevented it from happening. If we had gotten to her a second sooner, if we had said no or yes to one thing as opposed to another, if I had stayed with her for a few more minutes before she ran off that cliff.

War was still waging behind us, but it didn't matter. We'd all stopped cold when that moment hit all of us.

Tragedy makes you have to wear all of your hats at the same time. Father, husband, Alpha, pack member, mentor, son. All of them. But always human first. Father and husband first. When I heard Hadley project out, I love you…it shattered everything in me. And it destroyed my wife. All I could do was hold her as she sobbed. "No no no no no no no no no," she cried, clinging to me.

I tried to make the best decisions. What we didn't need was more of our children getting killed by these waters, but I couldn't stop Wyatt from looking for her. I couldn't even stop myself from doing everything in my power to find her. I couldn't feel her anymore; there was no tug in my stomach to tell me that she was close by. There was just…nothing. I felt completely empty.

When the police had finally called it for the day, I kissed my wife's forehead and tried to get her to stand. "Come on, Lee," I whispered.

She shook her head. "I can't…"

"We'll come back tomorrow, baby, I promise. We need to go home."

"Jacob," she choked. "She can't be dead. That's my baby—she just can't be…"

"Leah," I said, pushing her hair away from her face and holding her face in my hands. "Leah, I—" What could be said? This isn't the time for false promises or lying for the sake of making everything feel at least a little bit better. There was nothing I could do or say that would make this less real. "Will and Melody need us right now," I settled on.

Wyatt, Nate, and that kid Travis came up to us and were somberly quiet. This was supposed to be the time when I was supposed to be a leader. And all I could think about was her final I love you… "We all have to go home," I declared.

The house was so still when we got back. I don't know what I was expecting. Kim Cameron had brought Melody and Will back to the house and waited for any of us to say anything. She pulled Leah into the tightest hug she could manage and I watched again as my wife's face crumbled. I sighed heavily, running a frustrated hand over my face, right as my youngest baby, my little song, my Melody, came up to me. "Daddy," she said. She wasn't a baby anymore, but I needed so badly to protect her. "Daddy, it's not true, is it?"

I wrapped my arms around her and felt my heart squeeze hard in my chest. "I'm really sorry, baby girl…" I whispered. I didn't know which one of my baby girls I was talking to. Both of them.

Will had stormed off to his room, slamming the door. His energy was so loud, so angry. No one can tell you how to grieve. They can only let you feel whatever you feel.

Getting Leah to settle down enough to rest was the hardest task. Every few minutes, she worked herself up into a fit again and I had to try to calm her down. I held her in the shower, washing her back and willing myself to keep it together enough for her. It was hard enough to have to pass Hadley's bedroom to and from the bathroom. It was worse to think that she may never sleep in that bed again. We'd never hear her playing music as she got ready for her day; she would never decide to crash in her old bedroom after staying up talking to her mother too late. She'd never come over for dinner again. I couldn't believe that I would never see my child smile or laugh or cry or breathe again. Melody and Will insisted on sleeping in our room that night. My wife held her two babies to her body until she could relax enough to fall asleep.

Trying to get my mind to slow down was the second hardest. Melody was clutched tight to Lee's chest and Will was just staring at the wall, wide awake like me. I rustled his hair to grab his attention and when he looked at me with his mother's hazel eyes, I thought I would break down right then. I nodded toward the door before getting out of bed as quietly as I could. Will, my boy, followed me until we had made it out of the front door.

I wasn't expecting for Wyatt and Nate to be standing on the beach when we got there, but I wasn't surprised. Wyatt's face was stone serious, as it had been for hours. I'd never doubted for a second how much Wyatt loved my daughter. So, I held my hand out for him to shake, and he did. Then he nodded at me, a silent understanding. And the four of us went back into the water.

Did I think we were going to find her alive? No. But if I could just hold my baby to my chest one more time, it would be better than the fact that we didn't find her at all.

LEAH

I felt it when she died.

I actually felt the second that my child's heart stopped beating. My lungs were already burning from the fact that she was swallowing loads of water. And then, all of a sudden, this burning crossed my chest, centered on my heart, and then, as soon as it stopped, my heart dropped into my stomach.

My child was dead. And I was the only one who wanted to call it what it is. Jacob couldn't say it, Wyatt was in denial…I felt it happen.

When I begged Wyatt and Travis to go find her, I was hoping and praying and begging my ancestors that I may have been wrong. That maybe—by some miracle—they would find her and she would come back. Someone would bring her back. Mouth to mouth resuscitation, ancestor magic, something was going to bring her back and I would not leave that beach until it happened.

But they searched for upwards of 12 hours and…nothing. There was no sign of her body anywhere.

I don't even remember getting home or showering or climbing into bed. All I remember was that I couldn't stop crying because everything hurt. My entire body was in pain in the worst ways I could have ever anticipated. In all of the preparation and protection that we placed for Hadley, I never wanted to be prepared for the day that she was no longer on this earth with us. With me.

My child was dead. No parent should outlive their child. Please bring her back to me, I remember thinking over and over and over again. After years of knowing that someone out there was listening, I just knew in my spirit that someone would answer me. But no one ever did.

All I could do was hold my two babies while they tried to understand that their sister was never going to come home. I felt Jacob and Will leave the house and I woke up as soon as they left. The house was too quiet, the sheets felt wrong on my skin, even the fact that I was breathing felt almost undeserving. I should have done more to protect her. What could I have done differently?

Nothing. There was no use in questioning my own decisions. I did everything I could to make sure that my child was safe. But there was only so much that I could do about the fact that she felt a need to protect all of us too. She felt like she owed us for keeping her safe for so long. But it was never her job to pay it forward. I don't give a damn what the Council says, what the ancestors say; Hadley's only job was to live.

My child was dead.

I made sure to be careful as I got out of bed as to not wake Melody. But she woke away, looking at me with sleep riddled eyes. "Mama, where are you going?" she asked. "It's the middle of the night."

I crouched until I was kneeling next to the bed. "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to wake you," I whispered. I ran my hands through her messy bed head and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back, alright? Go back to sleep."

"Can I come with you?" she asked. "I miss Hadley and I don't want to sleep alone."

My heart broke all over again. I nodded as I tried not to cry again. I don't think I had any more tears left in me. "Of course, baby," I said. "Go get dressed."

The drive to the old Alpha house felt so much longer than usual. It never took longer than 10 minutes to get there, but it felt like hours. Of silence and of nothing but headlights and trees and the dirt road. Melody kept her eyes glued to the passenger window, stressfully rubbing her hands on her legs. I reached over and held her hand, squeezing it. I kissed it. "It'll be alright, lovey," I said to her.

"How?" she asked as she looked at me with tears running down her face. I didn't know how. I didn't even know if it would be alright or I'd just lied to my child.

I put her up in the bedroom, tucking her in and kissing her on the head. I knew she wasn't a baby anymore, but she let me. Turning on the television, I flipped until I found old episodes of that old Disney Channel show about the wizards and then said, "I'll be right downstairs, if you need me."

Right before I closed the door, Melody said, "I love you." I love you…

I shuttered a breath. "I love you too," I managed. Both of you.

As I went downstairs, I just kept saying in my mind, If any of you can hear me, I just want answers. Please. Just give me something—anything. I just want to talk to her or see her or…

But I heard nothing. I felt nothing in response. And I waited for so long. I huffed, "Fuck it…" The rain never stopped since the failed Bond. I didn't need it to. "Kaya, please, I know you're listening. Can you please just talk to me?" I asked out loud. All I could hear were the howling winds, the raindrops on the roof, and the even breathing of my youngest upstairs. "Kaya, come on. Now is not the time for you to ghost me!"

Still nothing. A wave of anger washed over me.

"Kaya!" I shouted to the sky. "Get down here now!"

"I hear you, Leah. I'm right here," I heard. I whirled around to see Kaya, illuminated like an angel, guilt and grief all over her face. "I'm sorry, Leah."

I shook my head. "No, I'm tired of hearing 'I'm sorry.' Where is she?"

"She's safe."

"On which plane, Kaya?!"

Kaya bit her lip, apprehensively. "She's with us. She's ok."

"She's…" I trailed off as the lump in my throat formed. There was always that seed of doubt that it was true. But Kaya confirmed everything I was afraid of. She really is gone. I covered my eyes as the tears started up again. "This isn't fair. You know, it's not fair."

"I know, little one," she said, taking a step toward me.

"I want to see her. Right now."

"You know I can't do that, Leah." Kaya stopped when she was right in front of me. She lifted a hand to touch my face, but I couldn't feel anything.

"Why not?" I asked. My hands started to shake.

Kaya looked down at the ground. "Hadley is very fragile at the moment. We need her to be comfortable with what's happening first before we can even think about letting her see you in a spiritual common."

"Kaya, that's my little girl," I whispered. "All I want is to say goodbye. That's it. I just…I need to tell her I love her. I need to—please let me see her. Please. Please…"

I crumbled to the ground again, feeling my heart break once again. Kaya crouched down next to me. I knew she was trying to hug me, but there was nothing. Just the chill of the winds on my skin and the rain sizzling off of my arms and legs. "I'm—"

"Don't say it," I stopped her. I looked up at her. "Don't you dare say it again. Unless you're going to give me a solution to this, I don't want to hear that you're sorry. Sorry doesn't mean anything! Sorry doesn't bring Hadley back!"

"All I can do for you right now is assure you that she's safe," Kaya stated calmly. "We didn't know this would happen, but she's being taken care of up there, Leah. She's with your father, Jacob's mother. Ephraim. She's alright. Doesn't that count for something?"

I dropped my head again as I thought about my baby with my father. Both gone. Both dead. My head shook as I tried to work through the hurt in my heart. I remember punching the ground then shooting up to my feet, putting my hands on my head so I could breathe. Hadley was with Harry…and Sarah…and Ephraim…and Kaya. She'd lost her life and was with our ancestors. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I whipped around to face Kaya.

"Bring her back," I demanded. "You bring her back right now. This is not what we talked about."

"We discussed the risk, Leah. We knew it would be a risk."

"I don't give a damn," I said through clenched teeth. "Bring her back."

She wrung her hands nervously. Kaya looked at me with the saddest eyes. "I'm sorry, little wolf," she whispered. "I don't think I can make that happen."

I could only choke on my own grief so much.

…I'm sorry…I need a minute…

WYATT

I'm not doing this…