2brown-eyes is da best!
NOW
JUNE 1993
No song so…
The Greatest Man I Never Knew—Reba McEntire
Three days pass, and nothing changes. Charlie lays quiet and still, machines keeping him alive. Mom is back to pulling shifts at the diner because the bills have to get paid somehow, and I'm set to start back part-time at Newton's on Monday.
Edward stops by to check on my dad daily, but something's shifted. He keeps his distance and barely looks me in the eye. I get it, though. He cheated on his girlfriend, and I welcomed it.
What kind of person does that make me?
I already know.
I wish I had the balls to come clean, to lay it all on the line and tell him I'm ready, but I don't. After everything I did to push him into her arms, it'd be cruel to ask him to pick me now.
So I won't.
"Hey, baby," Mom says as she breezes into the room, headed straight to Charlie. She acts like he's alert to everything as she fusses over him. "Anything new?"
"Nothing." I sigh, fighting tears. Again. "Isn't Dr. Jenks supposed to come in soon?"
"Yep." She lifts his arm and does a few exercises before coming around to my side. "I told him I'd be here by eleven."
I glance at the clock. Ten after. "Are we still considering a second opinion?"
"Bella," she says on a sigh, laying my dad's arm at his side and moving over to take the chair beside me. "We need to start looking to the future."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Honey." Tears rush to her eyes. "It's time we start thinking about your father's wishes."
"I don't understand," I argue, shaking my head. "Does he have a living will?"
"No, baby, he doesn't." Her hands twist in her lap, a rare sign of nervousness. "Which means the decisions we're going to have to make fall to his next of kin."
I grab her hands, offering comfort. "I don't envy you."
"Oh, baby." Tears fall in earnest now, and she shakes her head. "I don't know how to say this, but it isn't me. We're divorced, sweetie, which means that it's you."
The truth of her words slams into me like a freight train and robs me of breath. Every time Doctor Jenks has spoken to us, there's been the silent part. The stuff he never said aloud but was always there, screaming in the background. A weight no one wants to bear.
And it's on me.
I cover my mouth with my hand to hold in the sobs, loud and wailing they seep out of me as full realization dawns. My father might die, and it'll be because I made the decision to let him go.
"Baby." I'm engulfed in my mother's embrace, and we cry together for the unfairness of it all.
"You don't have to decide today, honey," she says, wiping my face. "We have a little more time."
"How much?"
"Dr. Jenks will have the results of his brain scan today," she says. "But it's hardly conclusive. We can always look into rehabilitation facilities."
"And that's what you mean by his wishes?" I can barely talk for the hiccupping gasps that escape me. "You want me to let him go?"
"I don't know for sure." She gets up and moves to his side, brushing his cheek. "But it's time we start discussing it."
"I don't want to discuss it!" I jump up, anger rising to the surface. "You're talking about taking his life! I can't do that! How could you even consider it?"
"Bell—"
"No!" I hold up my hand, misplaced rage surging through me. "You can forget it! I'll bring him home and care for him myself if that's what it takes."
I storm from the room, passing Dr. Jenks in the hall, but I don't turn around. The more I think about it the more upset I become, my feet moving faster and faster. I find myself in the stairwell, halfway between the second and third floors before my adrenaline rush subsides and I sink to the steps.
I take advantage of the empty space by pressing my face in my palms and letting loose. A million memories flow through my mind as I remember the man my father is, to me and to this county. He's been the backbone of this community for as long as I can remember, and I don't know if we can survive without him.
I don't want to survive without him.
Ouch some more
See ya tmr :)