The bullet hit the walker first, and I adjusted my aim to shoot the person behind it. He jerked awkwardly, the bullet hitting him in the side just under his arm and he fell over. I swallowed hard, but pushed the terror I felt as the man died, turning and aiming at the next person I saw with a weapon.
I have to do this. If I did nothing, Daryl would die.
A girl flew backwards before she could reach for her gun, and the shot landed just below her neck. I turned, my elbows now resting on the skip for better balance as I shot the two people closest to Merle and Daryl. What I wasn't expecting was having to fight the kickback on the gun when firing each single shot.
Rick had gotten one of the walkers, reaching behind him for the smoke grenade he left on the ground. He threw it up and over, and it landed in the middle of the arena, smoke flooding out in all directions, obscuring the arena.
"Get the lights!" Rick demanded, now also aiming his machine gun up.
Turning the gun around, I switched the gun to automatic and fired at the lights, not trusting my ability to directly take them out from where I was. People were screaming, they scattered as the lamps blew up with a firework of electricity, covering their heads as they ran in the opposite direction to hide from the gunfire.
Rick jumped back as he fired off a long stream of bullets into another group of lights, taking cover behind the skip next to me. I copied his action, shooting off as many bullets as I could before the light popped.
My scope traced down from there, over the Governor, who had a handgun out. As the lights shattered around him, he smiled. My grip tightened around the gun, my whole body was shaking as I stared at him. It was evil.
He was enjoying this.
Shoot him! My mind screamed at me. But I couldn't. There were too many people around him. If I shot now and my bullet missed, I would have definitely killed someone else, someone who was completely innocent. They didn't deserve to die like this.
"Fuck's sake!" I stamped my foot into the ground and took the sight away from him.
The smoke completely obscured the arena, leaving me blind to what happened to Daryl. I got two more hits in, before it was completely covered, and I couldn't see any soldiers that I should've killed. I couldn't shoot anyone who wasn't fighting.
People were now running out past us, they screamed and sprinted away from the arena. I had to ignore their cries, how they insulted us as they passed. I shook my head, shooting down the last soldier I could see come out from the smoke.
"Oh crap," I whispered to myself, squeezing my eyes closed.
"We're almost done," I heard Rick say, gentle encouragement before he sent a burst into the arena.
I raised my gun and placed my finger over the trigger when I saw another soldier running out of the smoke, but couldn't fire. It was the man from before, the one who let me live. He was carrying a small girl away from the gunfire and walkers.
My gun lowered automatically.
Daryl was still in there somewhere, I hadn't seen him run out. I looked at Rick who was now standing directly behind me. He pulled out a torch from the bag and shone it into the smoke for Daryl to follow, his body blocked by the wall the same as I had been.
"Daryl!" Rick called as he emerged, following the crowd of people. "Come on! Go!"
I saw him now, sprinting out of the smoke with his crossbow raised in his arm. It was not loaded, but I was just surprised that he even managed to get it back. I was relieved, until my eyes landed on Merle following behind him.
Great.
No bullets ever came our way, which I didn't expect. I thought this would be more of a fight, like in the street. Still, I kept the gun up, covering them in case the Governor or one of his men had seen where they'd gone.
I could see the Governor, the bottom of his coat through the gas as it started to dissipate. He was walking our way, but I still couldn't shoot, unable to see around him for a clear shot. A sound came from the back of my neck, and I kept him in my sight, waiting for a moment to see him clearer, see him alone without the cover of his own people. My finger moved to the trigger, and I waited for that moment.
I would kill him . . .
"Ace," Rick grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, dragging the sight away from the Governor. "Come on."
He was pulling me away from the skip and pushing the back of my shoulder, forcing me to run after Daryl. I could hear his footsteps pounding behind me, making sure I was always with the group, never alone.
I cursed myself as I ran.
I should have taken the shot when I had the chance. The Governor would be dead and this would be all over. Without their leader, there was a chance their group would fall apart, and we wouldn't have to worry about them again.
But, no.
He was going to follow us back to the prison, and if he managed to get in there was no saying what he would do. Kill us? Take us prisoners? Who knows. The only thing I could think about was what he or his group did to Maggie.
Merle led us down a wall at the back of the prison, and we were now away from anyone from Woodbury, not being followed by soldiers or yelled at by the civilians. I kept up with Daryl, glancing back occasionally to see if Rick was still there. I could hear him, but I wanted to see it. We were not losing anyone else this time.
"They're all at the arena!" Merle shouted. "This way!"
"You're not going anywhere with us!" Rick yelled back.
"Ya really want to do this now?" Merle snapped back, ducking behind a school bus.
I stopped at the front of the bus, keeping my gun pressed against my shoulder in case I saw anyone coming our way. Rick and Daryl did the same beside me, each of us facing in a different direction as we allowed Merle to work.
There was metal banging behind us, and I looked back to see him trying to break the fence with his prosthetic on his arm. A stupid idea that somehow worked as the metal bent outwards, giving Merle just enough room to squeeze through.
"Rick, come on. We've got to go," Daryl said, and followed Merle through the fence.
I waited for some kind of order from Rick, "Go on."
As I followed them, Rick continued stepping backwards, keeping me covered until I could get through the fence. The gear scraped against the sharp edges of the corrugated metal, and I stepped over a plank holding the fence together at the bottom.
Rick was just behind me.
When my eyes landed on Merle was kneeling on the ground, slamming the metal casing on his arm down into a walker's skull. He looked back over his shoulder, "A little help would be nice!"
I hung the M4 over my shoulder, reaching for my handgun and shooting one of the walkers. Rick had the other one just after me.
"We don' have time for this!" Merle yelled, and ran off before anyone could shout back.
It was me that was going to shout back.
Daryl yelled out, "Come on!" as he followed his brother.
I looked at Rick again.
He didn't want Merle coming with us, he said. He didn't want him coming back to the prison, but now Merle was just leading us around like lost puppies. His jaw was clenched and he was zoned out for a second, ignoring the rest of the walkers that were coming down the street towards us.
Rick let out a long breath, but nodded, finally returning my gaze.
"It's okay," he said in a softer tone. "Go on."
I sighed, but followed where Daryl and Merle went, sprinting, because eventually I wouldn't be able to keep up with this pace. Rick didn't run ahead of me, but remained at my side as chased the brothers down.
Everyone else seemed okay now, their anger gone from what happened at the arena. But mine just seemed like it was kicking in, and I was so angry, and had to work hard to keep my mouth closed. I clenched my teeth, and could hear the stuttering in my breath as I tried to keep it together.
On the walk back I realised there was nothing I hated more than Merle, his constant talking, constantly trying to piss off Rick.
"Surprised none of those bullets ended up in me, Officer Friendly," Merle commented. I glanced at Rick, wondering what the nickname was about, but Rick just shook his head.
"Can still be arranged," Rick muttered.
"No. See, I reckon you weren't the one doing the shooting," Merle took longer steps as his gaze shifted from Rick to me, a huge smile forming on his face. "Look'it you, all decked with that M4 in that riot armour. Jus' adorable."
I chose to ignore him, but he didn't stop. Holding back any tears that forced their way up, and my jaw tightening to keep myself quiet. Why was this only hitting me now? In the fight I was fine, I could think, but now it just felt completely empty, how I should have been acting when I was there.
"You were the one doin' the shootin' weren't ya," Merle ignored him.
"Fuck off."
"It's funny," Merle shoved Daryl's arm. "'Member, tha's all her daddy used to say as well."
"Merle," Daryl muttered.
Merle went quiet for a second, but that didn't last long. I wondered if this was how Daryl felt on every hunting trip where I kept bugging him, asking questions and talking about random things. At least Daryl didn't hate me. I think.
"Now that I think about it, this weren't the first altercation me and you had tonight was it?" He questioned, and I rolled my eyes. "See, one of my guys said there was this girl trapped in a cupboard, and when I sent one away for the axe, out popped this smoke bomb. I'm sure that was you. It was, wasn't it? Ya made a smoke bomb!"
With how quickly it seemed Merle turned on his brother in Woodbury, and how he was yelling and joking with the group now, my mind immediately went back to Atlanta; how he was yelling at me before inviting me over to talk. Daryl told me that day it's how he acts when he's high, but after I learnt that he wanted to find out if I was my dad's kid.
Still, I had to wonder. "Is he high now?"
Merle seemed almost offended as he asked, "What the hell kinda question is that?"
"A reasonable one," Rick answered, giving me a small smile.
Merle was quiet for a moment, finally. I knew it was too good to be true, but I treasured the moment. I could hear the crunching through the leaves, gravel under the boots and twigs snapping occasionally in the distance.
"How'd y'all find us anyway?" Merle started up again.
"Ace was there," Rick answered.
"Where?"
I rolled my eyes. "In the shop, dipshit. When you kidnapped Glenn and Maggie. Michonne was there too and she brought us to you."
"Well, ain't she kind," Merle drawled.
We continued walking, finally, in silence. When we made it back to where we left the cars, I could see Michonne leaning against the car, her head poking just where I could see her. I felt relieved that they had made it back.
"They're there," I said.
Rick nodded, seeing the same thing as me. Glenn and Maggie were sitting at the cars, moving leaning against the other side, looking off in a different direction. None of them were talking from what I could talk.
"Glenn!" Rick called as he ran off ahead of Merle.
I followed him, jogging, imagining that I would have to keep Glenn calm.
"Rick?" Glenn ran into the treeline, visibly relieved when he saw the both of us. "Oh, thank God."
"Now we got a problem here," Rick said. "I need you to back up."
Glenn's face dropped, "What the hell is he doing here?!"
He reached for his gun, immediately pointing it at Merle. Maggie did the same thing, but Daryl ran past me and dove in their way. Just as I was going to say something, try to get them to put their weapons down, I saw Michonne try to run around the side, pulling her sword out.
Rick stood in her way, aiming his gun at her. "Hey, hey! Hey, put it down!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Daryl was yelling, his arm raised above Glenn's gun like he was ready to smack it out of his hands at any second.
"Drop the sword," Rick said.
"He tried to kill me!"
Glenn was just as mad as she was, "If it wasn't for him—"
"—He helped us get out of there," Daryl cut him off.
Yeah, my mind snapped. Merle helped you get out of there. I clenched my teeth and turned away, walking behind Rick. There was nothing I could do here, I couldn't shoot anyone or send Merle away myself, so I just had to step to the side and keep my feelings in.
"Yeah, right after he beat the shit out of you!" Rick yelled.
"Hey, we both took our licks, man."
"Jackass," Daryl mumbled.
"Hey, shut up!"
"ENOUGH!" Rick barked, his head flying back to Daryl.
Glenn moved the gun, but Daryl stepped in the way again, "Hey, hey, relax!"
Maggie was calmer now, her gun lowering and she placed a hand on Glenn's shoulder, also trying to get him to calm down.
"Put that down now!" Rick snapped at Michonne, who had no choice at this point but to lower the sword.
"Get that thing out of my face!" Daryl snapped at Glenn.
"Man, look like you've gone native, brother."
"No more than you, hanging out with that psycho back there," Daryl snapped.
"Oh, yeah, man. He is a charmer, I got to tell you that," Merle turned to Michonne, a smug look crossing his face. "Been putting the wood to your girlfriend Andrea. Big time, baby."
Just as he did that, he licked his lips, which made me cringe. I opened my mouth, pretending to gag at his stupid innuendos which just seemed to make him happier with his decisions.
"What? Andrea's in Woodbury?" Glenn asked.
"Right next to the Governor," Daryl agreed.
"I told you to drop that!" Rick yelled as Michonne tried to come around him yet again with the sword. When she did so, he asked her, "You know Andrea? Hey, do you know Andrea?"
"Yep, she does!" Merle was giddy at this point. "Her and blondie spent all winter cuddling up in the forest. Mm-mmm-mmm," he continued staring at her as he spoke. "Yeah. My Nubian queen here had two pet walkers. No arms, cut off the jaws, kept them in chains. Kind of ironic now that I think about it."
"Shut up, bro!" Daryl snapped.
"Hey, man, we snagged them out of the woods," Merle explained. "Andrea was close to dying."
"Is that why she's with him?" Maggie asked.
"Yeah. Snug as two little bugs," Merle looked at Rick. "So what are you gonna do now, Sheriff, huh? Surrounded by a bunch of liars, thugs, and cowards," his eyes landed on me as he finished.
"Shut up!" Rick snapped.
"Oh, man, look at this," he laughed. "Pathetic. All these gun and no bullets in me."
"You want a fucking bullet in you?" I snapped, hand now on my gun.
"Merle, shut up!" Daryl yelled again.
Merle pushed himself away from the tree and started yelling, "Shut up yourself! Bunch of pussies you roll—"
Rick stepped forward, slamming his gun down at the bottom of his skull as hard as he could, knocking Merle out in a single blow.
"Asshole."
It was unspokenly decided that we needed to have a discussion about what to do with the addict on the ground, so Rick led us away from Merle so we could actually discuss it. Michonne was left standing next to the car, far enough away that she would not hear what we were talking about, but close enough that if she tried to kill Merle we would be able to see and stop it.
Daryl obviously wanted Merle to stay, to bring him back to the prison and have him be a member of our group. Everything I didn't want, but I knew it was important to Daryl that he got his brother back. He wanted nothing more since Merle was left behind.
Everyone else, including yours truly, hated the idea.
"It won't work," Rick said.
"It's gotta."
"It'll stir things up."
"Look, the Governor is probably on the way to the prison right now," Daryl said, glancing at the woods where we left his body on the ground. "Merle knows how he thinks and we could use the muscle."
"I'm not having him at the prison," Rick repeated.
"Do you really want him sleeping in the same cell block as Carol or Beth?" Glenn asked.
"He ain't a rapist."
"Well, his buddy is."
"They ain't buddies no more," Daryl shook his head. "Not after last night."
"But siding with one beforehand is just dandy," I snapped sarcastically. "We never let Randall stay for the same reasons, the only difference is you know Merle."
Rick raised a hand, making me stop my rant. "There's no way Merle's gonna live there without putting everyone at each other's throats."
"So you're gonna cut Merle loose and bring the last samurai home with us?"
"No," I said simply.
"She's not coming back," Rick agreed.
Maggie seemed unsure. "She's not in a state to be on her own."
Glenn nodded. "She did bring you guys to us."
"And then ditched us," Rick said.
"At least let my dad stitch her up," Maggie pleaded.
"She's too unpredictable."
"That's right. We don't know who she is," Daryl agreed, staring her down from a distance. Then he turned back to the others. "But Merle, Merle's blood."
"No, Merle is your blood," Glenn said. "My blood, my family is standing right here and waiting for us back at the prison."
"And you're part of that family," Rick said. "But he's not. He's not."
Daryl let out a long breath, watching his brother push himself to his feet, grumbling. "Man, y'all don't know."
Rick made no indication to change his mind, which made me glad. I hated Merle, he did bad things despite what happened today. With how long he must've been at Woodbury, there were many things he would have done to get ahead in his group, he's definitely done a lot wrong.
Daryl talked the sides of his leg, making a clapping sound. "Fine. We'll fend for ourselves."
"That's not what I was saying," Glenn exasperated,
"No him, no me."
"Daryl, you don't have to do that," Maggie said.
Daryl was quiet for a moment, contemplating, but I could see in his eyes that nothing was going to change his mind. "It was always Merle and I before this."
"Don't," Maggie pleaded.
"You serious?" Glenn raised his voice. "You're just gonna leave like that?"
"You'd do the same thing."
"What do you want us to tell Carol?" Glenn asked, another way of trying to convince him to stay with us. I really thought that would work, but like everything else we said to convince him to join us, it was futile.
"She'll understand," he said, looking at Maggie. "Say goodbye to your pop for me."
Daryl turned, walking away, being quickly followed by Rick.
"Daryl, are you serious? Daryl!"
He left.
He was leaving.
He just walked away from us.
He didn't even say goodbye.
I had to hold back any tears forming in my eyes as I watched him, and tried ignoring the pit that formed in my stomach when I realised the gravity of this. I killed for him, I killed five people so I could see him again, and now he was leaving.
"Daryl!" Glenn yelled after him.
"Glenn," Maggie whispered, but it was enough for me to hear.
I just watched him, talking to Rick as he grabbed his bag and some supplies from the back of the car. It was heartbreaking, but there was nothing I could do. Daryl made his decision, and with how little he seemed to think about anyone else with this decision, there was nothing I could say that would convince him to stay.
Chewing the inside of my lip, I turned my head away.
"Ace . . ." As Maggie's hand touched my shoulder, I shook her off and went towards the car.
Whatever, my brain snapped. Fuck him.
We had more important things to worry about. The Governor would come to the prison, and no one back there was prepared for that kind of fight. With the weaponsI had seen being fired at us, I knew something would have to be done so we had some kind of cover inside the walls.
Rick was glaring at Michonne now, and I heard him snap at her as I climbed in the car. "We patch you up and then you are gone."
Rick pulled the car to a stop when we came across a blockage in the road, fairly new. The car had been there when we first drove down, but the log in the road was new, and it must've fallen over last night.
I stepped out of the car, as did Rick, Glenn and Maggie.
Rick told Michonne to stay put, making a point of showing her that he had taken the keys from the car, so if she tried anything, it would be pointless. She just rolled her eyes, but chose to stay seated. Michonne still needed Hershel to help with her leg.
"We can move the car, pull around the log," Rick said, and as we got near the car, he nodded to Glenn, "Get the brakes."
Glenn limped over to the car, opening the driver side door. As he reached inside, a walker growled and leant out of the car to grab him, but Glenn gripped the corpse by its shoulders and pulled it out of the car.
Rick pulled out his gun. "I got it!"
Instead of listening to him, Glenn lifted his knee and slammed his foot down into the skull. He did it over and over, again and again until it was finally unmoving and had stopped growling and snapping at him.
Glenn panted and leaned against the car with one hand, glaring as he looked back at Rick. "You didn't kill him."
"That's not why we went back," Rick answered.
"No, that's right," Glenn snapped, turning to face him, "you went back for Daryl. And now he's gone, and the Governor is still alive."
"Daryl was the priority."
My eyes trailed to the floor as I thought back to that morning, seeing the Governor, having him locked in my sites on more than one occasion. I could have killed him. With how angry Glenn was, I probably should have done it. His reaction was another indication that the Governor had done something terrible, and it didn't take much to work out what that was.
But I didn't trust my aim, and I didn't want any more blood on my hands than necessary. I couldn't shoot at anyone who didn't have a gun, who wasn't trying to kill me, and had I shot at the Governor and missed, his people would have been in the crosshairs.
Glenn paused for a beat, before his eyes met Rick again, "I should have been there with you."
"You were in no condition," Rick argued.
"But a teenage girl was?" Glenn questioned, his hand gesturing to me.
I snapped, my eyes immediately landed on him. "What the fuck, Glenn?"
"I should have been there," Glenn repeated. "He should be dead after what he did to Maggie!"
"This isn't about us," Maggie shook her head, dismissing the point entirely.
"I should have been there!"
"You didn't come with us because you could barely walk!" Rick yelled back, and waved his hand that was holding the gun down.
Glenn shook his head, staring him down, not threatened by Rick, "And after all that effort, all the risk we took, Daryl just takes off with Merle?"
"He had his reasons."
"You keep telling yourself that, Rick. Doesn't change the fact that we're up to our necks in shit."
"You want me to turn the car around? Throw down a welcome mat for Merle?" Rick snapped, yelling at Glenn. "This is the hand we've been dealt!"
"Let's just get out of here, get some rest," Maggie tried diffusing the situation, but everyone involved was too angry, too tired and no one would be able to have a calm talk about any of this. "We can talk about it at the prison."
Glenn scoffed, turning his head. "No, you guys do all the talking you want. I'm done."
He walked away, back towards the car we'd been travelling in. Maggie inhaled sharply, glancing at me and Rick before she followed after him. I ran my hands over my face, taking Glenn's job of releasing the brakes.
When the car was able to move, me and Rick heaved it out of the way, slowly managing to push it closer to the edge of the road, and down the bank at the side. It slowly rolled down the shallow hill, but did get to a point where it was moving on its own.
"We've gotta stop meeting like this," Rick heaved, finally getting the car to the edge of the road.
I just hummed in response, appreciating the joke, remembering when me and him had been separated from the group and pushed the pick up truck all the way to the next town. It was not anything that would cheer me up at this point, however.
As the car started rolling at the side, we both stood up, watching it for a second. As I turned to walk back to the car, Rick placed a hand on my shoulder. "Wait a minute," he said, and I turned my head to show I was listening, but didn't look at him. "How are you holding up?"
Shitty, thanks for asking. "Fine."
It was the kind way of saying what I was thinking. The way that stopped me from yelling at him, asking him how 'could I be fine after everything that happened today?' Really, it was all I could say, despite it being a lie.
Rick sighed as we moved the car far enough out of the way to pull around the log, and nodded at my answer. "I'm sorry. I know Daryl he . . . we can talk about it."
I shook my head, forcing myself to keep any tears from spilling over as I looked ahead, not even daring to meet his eyes.
Again, he just nodded. "Okay, let's get out of here."
The car ride had been almost completely silent since Glenn's outburst. Normally I would've gotten bored by now, filling the silence with some ideas I had or saying how people should be driving to keep the fuel consumption more efficient.
But I couldn't talk.
The weight of everything was gnawing at my chest. Glenn and Maggie were hurt, Oscar was dead and Daryl left with his piece-of-shit brother. Didn't even say goodbye, just left, went away. I hated him for it. That he could just leave after everything.
I didn't have enough standing in his life to say that he needed to stay for me, but he did. I needed him around and he just ditched me. I killed people to keep him alive and he just leaves, just fucks off with the person who started that whole thing.
I closed my eyes, now thinking about the people I killed.
Ric had started speaking next to me, and I struggled to even listen to the words he was saying, probably talking to Glenn about what had happened back there, how they should just talk about everything. Whatever, I wasn't listening.
Not until he said: "Ace?"
It took me a moment to realise that Rick was talking to me, but it made sense. With Glenn acting the way he was and Daryl gone, I probably should've guessed. I shook my head, trying to bring myself back and remember what he had been talking about, but I couldn't.
"I'm sorry, what?" I asked.
Rick glanced over, paused for a beat, and seemingly repeated what he had been talking about. "When we get back to the prison we'll need to start getting defences ready. The Governor isn't gonna let us go without a fight. I think you'd be best at that."
I nodded, but thought about it. There were barely any resources at the prison that we could use for defences, not unless we started looting places for things like metal. I had seen blocks of paper being used as shelters from bullets in TV shows, but I had no idea how to calculate how much paper that would take.
"Any ideas in mind?" I questioned. "I have nothing."
"A few," he nodded. "We have some pallets, and I've seen some solid metal doors we might be able to take off around the prison, use them as barricades. Put some up on the bridge so we have a vantage point."
"People in the towers," I suggested.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"They aren't the best, though," I said. "They need some work too."
"I know," he nodded. "I know. We'll start work on that when we get back, get some basic things set up by the night. We don't know when he plans on attacking, so we need something ready in case he plans on doing it soon."
"Yeah," I nodded, the thought of him coming, taking down our fences and shooting the place up made me even more anxious.
When the prison gate came into view, I saw two people standing behind it. One of them was short, and I immediately recognised the hat on Carl. As we got closer I saw that the person opening the first gate was Carol. Carl had pulled the back gate open, allowing the car the space to drive through.
Rick stopped the car, and jumped out immediately, "Drive 'em up, I'll meet you there."
I nodded, shifting into the driver's seat.
I watched for a second as Rick hugged Carl, and then I drove up towards the prison. When I reached the gate to get into the courtyard, I got out and pulled it open myself, before driving the car inside. Maggie got out, and the door to the prison opened, and Beth and Hershel came out. Maggie ran to them, hugging each of them as tightly as she could.
Glenn just walked inside, followed by Michonne.
I sat down on one of the benches and waited for Rick, he said he wanted to get the prison ready for a fight, so we had to talk about that some more when he was done seeing his family. He did eventually peak the hill with Carol and Carl, and as they neared, Beth walked over to Rick and kissed his cheek.
I turned my head away, keeping in the frustrated huff that bubbled up. Yup, that was all Rick.
Maggie and Beth walked back towards the prison, hand-in-hand. Hershel waited outside, probably to speak to Rick.
"Go on," He held Carol and Carl, and I stood, walking to join him and Hershel.
"You came through," Hershel smiled. "Like always."
All Rick.
"Sounds like we have a new problem on our hands," Hershel said.
I guess Maggie had been telling him some of the stuff that went on in Woodbury, not that I was surprised. She had a rough night, probably needed to talk about it.
"Yeah," Rick breathed out.
"You get a good look at him?"
Rick glanced at me. "Yeah, we did. He had Daryl and Merle pitted against each other. A crowd cheering for them to fight to the death. What kind of a sick mind does that?"
"The kind this world creates," Hershel turned to me. "You're not hurt? All in one piece?"
"Just Glenn," I muttered. "And maybe Maggie."
Though this topic of conversation was just the worst, the way Hershel looked back at the prison made me think there was something else going on.
Rick had the same idea. "What's wrong? The baby?"
"No, the baby, she's healthy," Hershel chuckled as he said, "Eats like a horse, sleeps like a rock."
"So what is it?" Rick asked.
Hershel was very reluctant to give an answer, which just annoyed me. Just another thing to deal with before this day can be over, and that is still alongside the fact that we may be attacked today. It was worrying me to even be waiting outside.
"We have a group in there," Hershel said.
"A group?"
"They were inside the prison."
"How?" Rick asked.
"We always knew there was a breach," I suggested. "Probably just found a way in."
"There's four of them," Hershel continued. "They want to join us."
"We can't do that—"
"—I want you to think about it. They're good people, we've been talking to them and they haven't come across any other groups since they left their shelter. They were down there for ten months, they don't know what this world can do yet," Hershel explained. It surprised me that he wanted these people around after what another group had done to his daughter, though they wouldn't have been able to talk about that yet. "I just want you to think about it."
Rick was quiet, his eyes met my own. "I can't guarantee anything."
Hershel nodded, "I know."
Again Rick was quiet.
That was his answer, but now he had to see if he was even going to let them stay. Even with the story Hershel had given, I was stuck trying to figure out how they made it to the cell block. The prison was locked up, most of it was anyway, and even if they made it to the cell block unarmed, someone in the group had to let them in. My question was why?
"Let's head inside," Hershel said.
Inside, in the cafeteria, were the people Hershel had spoken about. I glanced at them as I followed Rick through the room, but he didn't stop to speak to them or ask for their names, and neither did I. When he entered the cell block, I was right behind him. Someone closed the gate behind us, but I didn't really see who. My guess was Carl, because he and Hershel were right there.
"Are we setting up defences?" I asked.
"A few, but there's more going on here than I expected," Rick said. "I don't think we can get as much done today as I hoped."
"Tomorrow then," I nodded.
"Tomorrow," Rick agreed.
"I'll get started on moving those pallets outside," I said.
Rick nodded, turning to Beth who was bringing him the baby.
I walked over to the gate, seeing Carl who was just leaning against the wall, watching his dad from afar. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't have the time. It was getting late, but we needed some kind of security set up in case the Governor decided to attack at night.
"Carl," I called, and he walked over. "I need the keys."
He nodded, pulling them out of his pocket, and chucking them to me. I opened the gate and headed back out to the cafeteria. We had some pallets ready in there, so all I really had to do was drag them outside or onto the bridge.
I pulled the first one away from the wall, placing the bottom of it on my shoe so I could use my leg to help move it while I got a sense of what they weighed. It would be enough for me to just carry, but after a while, it would get tiring.
"Hey, girl?"
I glanced back over my shoulder, "What?"
The coloured man of their group was closer now, having turned on his table to look at me. "What happened here? I mean, I doubt it was just a run with the shit you've got on right now," he was saying. "Is that even comfortable?"
"Doesn't matter," I muttered, loud enough for him to hear.
Another man stood up as I started dragging the pallet. "But it does if we can stay."
"If," I muttered quietly.
When I got the pallet to the stairs, I stopped, taking a moment to breathe before heaving it up the first step.
"You're having problems with another group," the woman said. "Aren't you?"
I scoffed. "No, everyone came back beaten and armed to the teeth for a different reason."
I moved my hands down, slipping my fingers between the slats of the planks, and lifted the pallet up enough so that it wouldn't bump the stairs on the way up.
"I can help you with that," the man said again.
"No."
"But—"
"—I said no."
Hershel was making his rounds to Glenn and Maggie when I got back, making sure they weren't too badly injured and seeing whether they needed any casts for broken bones. Each of them were in a different room, which was strange, but not unexpected after everything.
I made the decision to head to my own cell. I hadn't slept all night, so while I waited for Rick to decide what he would do with the new group, and if he wanted to tell me then he could. I closed my eyes, laying my head back on the pillow, trying to forget the events of the night before.
No matter how badly I tried, the scene played over and over in my head. The Governor, Daryl and Merle beating each other up, and then the shootout. I'd heard that soldiers didn't count or claim their kills, that it made them seem arrogant, and while I didn't know everything about the people I shot, I did remember the number.
Five.
I killed five people in the span of minutes. And yet there was this feeling inside of me, one I had been running from, that told me that number would keep getting bigger. I wanted Rick to be right, that it wasn't going to get normal, because last night wasn't normal. I shouldn't have needed to do that.
But I did.
And in my mind, that was the first step to normality.
I could still hear each shot in my head like it was happening right now, not just my own, but all of them. The pit grew in my stomach, and my breathing started getting heavier, harder to move air out of my lungs. I winced, hands coming up and pressing into my eyes, hoping to stop myself from seeing the events as they played in my head.
Someone cleared their throat at my door, and my eyes shot open to see Rick. I blew out a breath and reached up, pulling myself into a sitting position using the bunk above me.
"So, what's the plan?" I hoped my question would stop him from asking about my odd behaviour, because I was sure if I talked about anything that happened the night before then I'd start crying.
He was quiet for a long moment, and I wondered why he came in here, because I didn't think it was to disclose that information to me. I didn't help make decisions and I wasn't like Hershel who would try to make him see what the right answer was. I just followed.
Rick was quiet for a moment, but eventually answered. "I think I'm gonna let them go."
I nodded. "I don't know if that's the right call, but if that's what you've decided then I'll go ahead with it. I don't think Hershel will be happy, though."
"If Hershel is so upset, he can run this place," there was an edge to his voice that wasn't missed by me.
I didn't want to make him more upset, so I asked: "Are we telling them now?"
He nodded, but made no move for the door.
"If you can't do it, I can pass on the message," I suggested.
I didn't want to, I didn't want to kick these people out, but Rick has had a hard few days. Too hard to be telling people that they should hit the road. That was the hardest thing to tell someone. We had been on the road, we knew what it was like, and now we were sending people out to the same thing we went through.
"No, I got it," he said.
"Okay," I said. "Right behind you."
And I stayed there, following Rick out into the cafeteria.
All of our group were already there, waiting. Maybe they were conversing with the new people, before Rick decided what they were doing. Maybe they were just getting to know them. All the worse that we were throwing them out.
The man who had been trying to speak to me earlier, stood up, and smiled as Rick walked his way. "I'm Tyreese," he said, and gestured to the other members of his group. "Sasha, Allen, Ben."
Rick wasted no time with his interrogation. "How'd you get in?"
"Fire damage to the administrative part of the prison," Tyreese said. "Wall's down."
"That side's completely overrun with walkers," Rick said. "How'd you get this far?"
"We didn't. We lost our friend Donna."
"They were lost in the gyms," Carl said.
Rick's head snapped back to look at Carl, "You brought them here?!"
"He had no choice," Hershel stepped in, trying to calm Rick down as soon as he raised his voice. .
Rick was nodding, still completely outraged at the idea of his son saving these people, but turned back to Tyreese, "I'm sorry about your friend. We know what that's like.
"Hershel said you could use some extra hands," Tyreese said, and looked back at his group. "We're no stranger to hard work. We'll go out and get our own food, stay out of your hair. You got a problem with another group, we'll help with that, too. Anything to contribute."
Rick was quiet for a long time, and he lowered his head to the ground. "No."
"Please," Sasha begged. "It's like "10 Little Indians" out there. It's just us now."
Rick shook his head again, his eyes trailing back to the ground, "No."
"Let's talk about this," Hershel said. "We can't just keep—"
"We've been through this," Rick cut him off. "With Tomas, Andrew. Look what happened."
"Axel and Oscar weren't like them," Carol said.
"And where's Oscar now?!" He raised his voice, turning to look at Carol. She went quiet, turning her eyes to meet Hershel's.
"Rick," I said quietly, trying to calm him down.
He looked at me, "You wanna go through this again? You wanna go through this again after what happened today? What happened in the Winter?"
That hit hard. It was different than he had been telling Hershel about Tomas and Andrew. This was more personal. If I wanted to go through any of that again, as I had been involved in so many people intent on hurting the group. On hurting me.
I lowered my eyes, and shook my head, "No."
We needed the new people, needed help with anything the Governor was sending our way. But he was right. We didn't know them, we had been in too many situations with new people, what they had done to the group. With Oscar and Axel, 2 out of 9 of the people we had contact with were bad, not including Shane who had already been in the group. Those aren't good numbers.
Rick again looked back at Tyreese, his voice lower as he said, "I can't be responsible."
"You turn us out, you are responsible."
"Rick," Hershel called him behind me. I turned my head, listening as Hershel started trying to convince him to keep them. "You've done so much for us. I appreciate that. We all do. We owe you our lives. We've done everything you asked, without question. And I'm telling you, you're wrong on this. You've got to start giving people a chance."
Rick's eyes landed on the new group of people over Hershel's shoulders, and then his gaze started to wander. He looked at the rest of the group, by the gate to the cell block, Carol and the other's. He let out a long sigh, his eyes trailing up.
I noticed him freeze, looking back down at Hershel's shoulder before glancing up again. He started whispering "No, no," his head lowered, and he pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "No, no, no, no. No."
His hand cupped over his eyes, like he was blocking out some light, but the room was darkened by the concrete walls. I followed his gaze as he moved his hands, and frowned when he looked up again.
He walked past Hershel, towards the balcony he had been staring at.
"Why are you here?" He asked, his voice shaking.
"Rick," I called again, louder, more concerned for him and less trying to calm him down.
"What—what do you want from me?"
I followed him as he continued walking, past his son, his eyes still up.
"Dad?" Carl asked, but I patted him on his shoulder and stopped behind Rick.
Everyone was staring at him, stepping further away as he continued spewing his rambled questions, seemingly at nobody. "Why are you—? No."
"I can't help you!" He yelled, and then spun around to face Tyreese. "Get out!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Tyreese tried.
"Rick?"
I followed his gaze, seeing that instead of looking at Tyreese as he yelled at them to leave, he was looking up at the balcony. His gaze was set there, before he spun around, covering his eyes and continuing to yell into his hands. Again he looked at that same place.
If he were just turning his back on them, why would he be so focused on a very specific area away from them? He wouldn't. I had seen this kind of behaviour before, and even if he didn't want Tyreese and his group to stay at that very moment, he wasn't thinking clearly. He'd been awake for three days, just lost his wife, had to kill people, and it was clearly taking its toll on him.
He kept saying how he couldn't be responsible for what happened to them, if something did happen. With a war brewing, it would be likely that they could get hurt.
Rick spun back, facing the way he had been when this started, yelling: "Get—get out!"
He shook his head, the back of his hand coming up to rest against his eye as a tear slipped out. It was weird, he shouldn't have gotten this upset over Tyreese offering to stay, and it seemed with the way he kept turning away from them that his outbursts were not even meant for them.
"Hey, come on. Whoa, it's all good," Tyreese said.
"What are you doing?" Carol asked.
"Hey, easy, Rick," Maggie stepped forwards. "There's no need to—"
"You don't belong here!" Rick yelled again, and Maggie jumped away from him, grabbing Carl by his shoulders. "Get out! Please!"
He pulled his Python from the holster and cocking it, and everyone else stepped away as fast as they could. He raised the gun a little towards Maggie and Carl as he marched forwards, but I stepped between them. He wasn't aiming the gun at them anyway, but I wanted them to be less scared by his actions. He wasn't talking to them.
"Relax, brother," Tyreese tried again. "Relax."
"Get out! Get out!"
Rick turned back, walking towards Tyreese, and I followed him again. "Rick—!"
"We'll leave," Tyreese agreed. "We're going. Okay? Ain't nobody got to get shot here. We're going."
"Wait," I called, following Rick, moving myself between him and Rick. "Wait a second—!"
"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"
Glenn held a hand to them, leading them to the stairs, telling them: "Go! Go! Just go!"
"No!" I yelled after them, going to follow Tyreese and his people to explain, but Rick started yelling again. "Glenn, tell them to wait!"
Glenn made to move, watching Rick's actions as he yelled, spinning around and waving the gun again. He wasn't talking to Tyreese, and if he calmed down, they would be able to see that. Hershel was changing his mind, but something else had taken over. He needed to be alone, he needed sleep. He needed to grieve.
He was pointing the gun down, and I saw that this was my chance to get the weapon from him. I jumped down the stairs and ran to Rick wrapping my arms around his waist to keep him still. One of my hands held onto the back of his shirt, and I used the other to grab at the gun, which he immediately dropped into my hands.
"Glenn!" I yelled again, but still he made no move to stop Tyreese and his people.
Fucking great.
There was nothing I could do on that front now, and I kept my focus on Rick, stepping forwards with him to leave his gun on the table. My main worry was if he kept it on him, he would do something even more stupid than pointing it at someone else.
"Rick, come on!" I pushed at him with all my weight, and his head dropped, resting his forehead on the top of mine as he cried and yelled, using one hand to block out his view of whatever had been upsetting him so much. "Come on."
As I got him passed Maggie and Carl, leading him to the cell block, they both stepped back. Carl had his arms wrapped around her as she held the boy behind her slightly. I didn't blame the reactions, but I didn't have the time to explain to them why I was sure he wouldn't hurt anyone.
"Will someone fucking stop Tyreese?!" I pushed Rick away from me for a moment, as I turned back to the group, ready to yell at them again. "And get someone on watch!"
"No, no, no . . ."
I went back to Rick to hold his hands, leading him backwards until I got him into his room. When I let go of his hands, he pressed them against his closed eyes, impossibly blocking his view more than it had already had been.
"Here, sit down," I pushed him, and he dropped down onto the cot. He was still crying, still hiding his eyes and letting out yells, telling whatever he was seeing I can't do it! I can't help them!
"Rick," I grabbed his wrists, pulling his hands away from his eyes. I managed to get them in my own hands, holding them still, but he still had his eyes closed. "Look," I said softly, trying to stop my voice from breaking. "It's just me."
His eyes cracked open, like he was ready to slam them closed at any point, but when he saw that it was just me, and maybe me telling him that got him out from his hallucination, he started nodding, whispering my name a few times. "Just . . . just . . ."
"Yeah," I answered. I pulled his arms and sat next to him on the bed, making sure to sit at the head of his bed, so the only thing in the view behind me was the concrete wall at the head of the bunk bed, minimising his chance of seeing a person there, I thought.
"Just you," he whispered again, nodding, his eyes now completely focused on me.
"Who was it?" I asked gently. "Who was there?"
"Lor—" he cut himself off, unable to finish what he was saying, and he shook his head as more tears fell down his face.
That made it way more clear to work out what was happening to him, and I could now guarantee that I had definitely seen it before. I felt tears well in my eyes, seeing him like this, the pain he was going through, but had to keep myself from crying. Rick needed help now, not me.
I let go of one of his hands, wiping his tears away. "I'm sorry, she's not here."
"I can't. . ." He started again. "I-I couldn't . . . couldn't help—"
"You did everything you could," I tried to assure him, wiping one of my own tears away. "I'm so sorry."
He leaned forward, his head landing on my shoulder as he cried. I leaned my head against his own, my hand coming up around his face to block any view of outside the cell. There was no way for me to tell if he would start seeing things again, so all I could do was minimise the area that he was seeing.
Rick gripped my other hand as tight as he could, squeezing it every so often, making sure that I was there. That I was real.
I'd seen something like this before, my dad . . . I knew that things like this got worse when people were sleep deprived. Rick hadn't slept last night because of Woodbury, or the night before, because of what happened to Lori.
"You need to sleep," I said.
I shifted impossibly further to the edge of the bed and pushed his arm to get him to lie down. I finally managed to get him to lay down on his side, on top of the blanket. He was still gripping my hand, and I knew that there was no way I could leave him in this condition, so I continued holding his hand as I sat on the ground beside his bed.
"Don't . . ." he whispered.
"I'm not going anywhere," I promised. "I'm going to stay here."
And I did.
Rick fell asleep, gripping my hand like he would never let go.
Here it is.
These may start coming a little slower because the next book is turning out to be a bitch to write. However, I am powering through and if that means going back three chapters and giving the characters involved a new storyline then so be it . . . no spoilers.
Anyway, don't forget to vote, and let me know what you think :)