14. Heart
I turned the car off and leaned my head back against the headrest. Three days' worth of work and... nothing. Turned out the missing teens were legitimate runaways. There was nothing I could do to help the families; they'd have to wait and see if the police turned up anything. It was out of my hands, so I had to just move on to the next one. I may have been running round town, chasing leads, and interviewing what felt like the entire city, but at least now that I was back at the motel, I could get out of this suit and get some much needed sleep before heading out. Seriously, you wouldn't like me when I'm tired.
I stepped out of my truck and had to blink a few times, not sure if what I was seeing in front of me was really there or not. A black Chevy Impala was parked in the lot a few doors down from my room. I walked over to the front of the car. Yep, same license plate. The Winchesters were here. Maybe one day I would figure out how we kept randomly bumping into each other. But today was not gonna be that day.
Seeing as Dean never parked his precious car far from his room, I strode over to the door it was directly in front of and knocked.
"Room service." I braced my hand on the doorjamb, waiting to see who'd appear. I really hoped some random creep wasn't going to appear.
The door opened to none other than Dean Winchester himself.
"Need any clean towels? Change of sheets?" I said with a grin.
He took one look at me, his eyes widened a fraction, and he tried to close the door on me. I stuck my foot out, stopping him, and pushed my way in.
"That was rude," I said. He thunked his head against the door as I walked past him into the room.
"Raelynn." Sam was straddling a chair next to the beds, beer in his hand. He got up to give me a hug. Getting a hug from Sam always made me think it would feel exactly the same as getting one from the Jolly Green Giant. Except Sam was, you know, significantly less green.
"Hey, Sammy." I stepped back out the hug and reached up, clasping his face in my hands. I looked him over. "Nice colourful eyes. Perfectly groomed hair. Handsome smile. No demon in sight." I tapped both hands on his cheeks. "We're good to go."
Sam chuckled while Dean grumbled, "How can a smile be handsome?"
I simply stood at Sam's side and pointed at his mouth. "Like that."
Dean mumbled something under his breath then sat at the edge of one of the beds, picked up his gun and started cleaning it. "So how did you find us, stalker?"
"Erm, I've been here three days on a case. I was not seeking you out." Sam handed me a beer and I went to sit on the other bed next to Dean's.
"What case you working on?" Sam asked sitting back down on his chair.
"No case as it turns out. Genuine runaways that hadn't been kidnapped by anything that went bump in the night. What have you caught?"
"Werewolf," Dean said with a child-like grin.
Sam shook his head at him. Obviously, Dean had been excited for a while over the case. "Over the past year, several women have gone missing. Dead bodies all washed up later in the bay, too deteriorated to draw firm conclusions."
"No hearts?" I asked.
"No hearts," Sam confirmed. "They were all hookers working Hunter's Point. Now, cops are trying to keep things under wrap, but they're looking for a serial killer."
"Do the attacks line up with the lunar cycle?" I'd been on my fair share of cases involving werewolves, so was familiar with the routines of an investigation involving them.
"Yeah, month after month, all the murders happen in the week leading up to the full moon."
"Which is this week, right?" Dean piped up.
"Hence the lawyer." At my blank look, Sam explained. "First guy to wind up with his heart ripped out."
"Ah," I said on a nod. "So there's definitely at least one werewolf roaming around."
"Awesome." Dean reached over to grab something from his bag.
"Dean, could you be a bigger geek about this?" Sam asked, bewildered. Dean was acting like it was Christmas Eve and he was about to get everything he'd wanted from Santa.
"I'm sorry, man," he said, "but what about "a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight" don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids."
Sam and I looked at each other, raising our eyebrows.
Sam leaned on his chair, edging closer to Dean. "Okay, Sparky. And you know what? After we kill it, we can go to Disneyland."
I chuckled and downed a mouthful of beer.
"You know what the best part about it is? We already know how to bring these suckers down." Dean held up a silver bullet. "One of these bad boys right to the heart. So, what's our next move?"
"Talk to the girl who found the body." Sam turned to me. "You wanna join?"
I may have been bitching not long ago about needing some rest, but the thought of getting on an actual case, one involving werewolves no less, had me reenergised all of a sudden. "Why not? I've killed a few in my time, may as well help you novices out."
Dean scoffed. "Oh please."
I got up and headed to the door. "Let me get changed and I'll meet you out front. Hey Sam? When this is over, can we actually go to Disneyland? I wanna say hi to Mickey."
Sam filled me in on the finer details of the case as we drove to the apartment of the person who had found the body of the lawyer. Madison had stumbled across her boss—the lawyer Nate Mulligan—the other morning. The medical examiner thought it looked like he'd been attacked by a wolf but was reluctant to put it in her report.
Dean pulled up in front of a quaint three story home. As we walked up to the front door, it was apparent the place had been separated into apartments. We knocked on her door and when she opened it, Sam gave her the regular spiel about us being detectives. She led us into her living room.
"I don't understand," she said. "I already gave my statement."
"Right, well, we just need to verify a few things."
A man stood up from the couch. He had a mop of black curly hair and wore a Mission Church t-shirt.
"This is my neighbour, Glen. Glen, this is Detective…"
"Landis." Dean jumped in. "And Detective Dante and Marshall."
"Well, I guess I'll leave you to it." Glen moved slowly towards the door, looking back at Madison multiple times from the corner of his eyes. Yeah, that wasn't creepy at all.
"Okay. Thanks for the casserole." Madison waved as he went past.
"Oh, how thoughtful," Dean commented with a sprinkling of sarcasm.
Glen turned back at the door. "Just call if you need anything." He finally left.
"He's sweet," Madison explained. "He came over to check on me. Have a seat." She directed us to sit around her dining table.
"You must be pretty shaken up," Sam began. "You were Nate Mulligan's assistant, right?"
"For two years, yeah."
"So, you knew all about him?"
"Probably knew more about him than he did. Nate was…" She paused and smiled. "he was nice."
Usually if all someone could say about another person was that they were nice, there was definitely more to it. "But?" I prompted.
"Nothing, really. He had a few scotches in him, and he'd start hitting on anyone in a five-mile radius." She looked at me. "I'm sure you know the type."
"Boy, do I." I turned to look at Dean who was grinning at Madison. "Sometimes they don't even need any scotch." Dean looked at me, doing a double take when realising it was him I was talking about.
He cleared his throat, putting on a more serious face. "Did, uh, did he have any enemies?"
"What do you mean? It sure looked like an animal attack."
"No, yeah, we're just covering all the bases. Anyone that might have had a beef with him? A former client, an ex?"
Sam caught something on Madison's face. "What?"
"Well, this is embarrassing, but my ex-boyfriend, Kurt—"
"Kurt have a last name?" Dean asked.
"Mueller. After we broke up, he went kind of nuts. He's… well, he's kind of been stalking me. He got it in his head that something was going on between Nate and I. He showed up at my office."
"What happened?" I asked.
"Kurt got into it with Nate, threw a punch before security grabbed him. I was lucky to keep my job."
Kurt sounded like a right peach.
"When was the last time you saw Kurt?" Dean asked.
"A few nights ago. Actually, the night Nate died. We were all grabbing drinks at this bar, and Kurt showed up."
"And?"
"Nothing. It was... like he was watching me. Then he was gone. To tell you the truth, he scares me."
Yeah, a peach indeed. We figured we'd heard everything we needed to, so said our goodbyes and told her we'd be in touch.
Once we were back on the sidewalk, we were free to talk.
Dean asked, "So, what do you think?"
"Stalker ex-boyfriend? He hates the boss. And he was there that night," Sam said.
"Think he's our dog-faced boy?"
Sam shrugged. "Well, it's a theory."
"We've had worse."
"Yeah."
"Either way," I said as we climbed back into the Impala, "it sounds like he's gonna be a problem for her."
Dean fired up the engine. "What do you say we pay Kurt a visit?"
Kurt lived on the third floor of an apartment block in town. By the time we got there, the sun had set, so it was no surprise when he didn't answer our knocks. Dean jigged the locks, and we started searching his apartment. Dean headed for the kitchen, Sam the living room and I went to his bedroom. There was nothing out of the ordinary, certainly nothing that screamed 'I'm a werewolf who likes to stalk his ex-girlfriend.' The bed was neatly made, he had a photograph of him with a kid on his dresser, and all of his clothes were neatly put away in a small closet.
"Anything?" Sam called out.
Dean called back, "No, nothing but leftovers and a six-pack."
"Check the freezer. Maybe there's some human hearts behind the Haagen-Dazs or something."
Ha! Nice one, Sammy.
I went back out to join them. "Nothing in his bedroom. It's weirdly tidy for a bachelor pad."
I started helping Sam look through the living room when Dean walked out onto the balcony. "Guys, come here. Check it out."
Sam and I met him outside. On the adjacent wall, two sets of claw marks were carved into the stone.
"Your theory's not looking too bad, boys." I slapped each of them on the shoulder.
We went back inside to continue the search, though we were all pretty sure we weren't going to find anything. Just as we were about to wrap it up, a gunshot blasted outside. We bolted down the stairs, forgoing the elevator, and dashed round to the alley. From just behind the dumpster, two feet were sticking out. A police officer lay on the floor. His chest had been ripped open.
I whipped out my phone. "I'll call 911."
Dean hunched over the body to inspect it further. "I'd say Kurt's looking more and more like our Cujo."
Sam said, "Dean, if he's out here, we better check on Madison."
A stalker could be dangerous. But give that dude claws and sharp teeth every month? Madison could have been in very real danger.
We raced back to her place and knocked on her door. It was the door opposite hers that opened.
"What's going on?" Glen asked.
Dean looked over his shoulder. "Police business, Glen."
Madison came to the door in a robe, looking a little dishevelled. We'd clearly just woken her up. "What is it?"
We were all aware of Glen still lurking in his doorway. "Maybe we should talk privately," Sam suggested.
Madison let us in and offered us coffee. I was all too eager to accept.
"Has Kurt been here?" Sam asked.
"Not exactly."
"What exactly does "not exactly" mean?" questioned Dean.
"Well, he was outside last night. Just... looking at me. Has he done something?"
"We're not really sure. He—"
"It's probably nothing," Dean jumped in over Sam, "but… we just don't wanna take any chances. In fact, one of us should probably stay here with you? Just in case he stops by. Where does he work?"
"He owns a body shop."
"You mind grabbing that address for us? Thanks," Dean said as Madison walked out of the kitchen.
"All right, you guys go. I'll stay," Sam insisted.
"Forget that. You go after the creepy ex. I'm gonna hang here with the hot chick."
Oh here we go.
"Pig," I muttered.
"Dude, why do you always get to hang out with the girls?" Sam asked.
"'Cause I'm older."
Were they really going to stand here and argue who was staying? I mean, I guess I kind of expected it from Dean. "Maybe she'd feel more comfortable if I stay." I added my two cents but was swiftly ignored.
"No, screw that. We settle this the old-fashioned way." Sam took both his and Dean's cups and put them down. He held his fist out over his open palm. Dean did the same.
Are they… Oh my god they are!
"Are you two actually serious right now?" Again, I was ignored.
They did a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Dean went with scissors. Sam hit him with rock.
Sam pumped his fist and went to grab him by the shoulders. "Dean, always with the scissors."
Dean shrugged him off. "Shut up, shut up. Two out of three."
Sam sighed but humoured him anyway.
Dean went for scissors again. Sam winning with rock.
"God!" Dean sneered.
Sam smirked and tapped Dean on the back. "Bundle up out there, all right?" His smile dropped when he looked at me. He resembled a kid being caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
I shook my head in mock disappointment. "I have no words."
Madison passed me the address just as I started to walk off. I took it and met Dean at the front door.
"Do you really always go for scissors?"
He rolled his eyes and shoved me out the door.
"Wait here, I won't be long." Dean jumped out of the car before I could respond.
"Oh yeah sure, I'll follow your orders like a good little girl," I muttered to myself.
We had pulled up outside of Kurt's shop where there were a few guys inside busy with work. Dean walked up to a young guy, probably around our age. It wasn't long before I noticed Dean wasn't getting very far with him. I could only see Dean's back but he was waving his arms around a little and the other guy had a scowl on his face. Sometimes jobs just needed the right touch. And Dean clearly didn't have it in that moment.
I got out and wandered over to them. As I approached, I caught the tail end of the conversation.
"Look, I just wanna talk to the guy. There's no need to be so difficult," Dean protested.
I stepped next to Dean. "Would you stop being rude to the nice man." I held my hand out to the guy. "Hi, I'm Jasmine."
He took my hand to shake it, looking me up and down as he did. "Corey." There was a tell-tale sign in his eyes that he liked what he saw. I didn't see the harm in using that to my advantage. Like I'd said, some jobs just needed the right touch.
"I don't know what my cousin here has been saying," I said in a voice that was sweeter than my usual one. "He tends to be a little lacking in the whole manners department. But I really need to speak to Kurt. Do you have any idea where he might be right now?" I tucked my hair behind my ear and bit my lip. I refrained from batting my eyelashes. That would have been overkill. I could feel Dean's glare burning the side of my face.
"I'm not sure," Corey shrugged, appearing genuinely remorseful that he couldn't give me a direct answer. "Haven't seen him in a week. But best guess? Sometimes he hangs out at the Fox Club."
I clutched my hands to my chest. "You're amazing. I'm so grateful. Thank you!" He gave me the address of the club and I sent him one last smile before walking away.
"Hey Jasmine!" Corey came running up to me just as we were nearing the car. He handed me a slip of paper. "If you wanna get a drink some time, hit me up." He winked at me before heading back inside.
Dean put on a high-pitched girly voice. "You're amazing! I'm so grateful."
I laughed. "Don't be jealous. Just because it was me getting hit on this time instead of you…"
He scoffed. "I think I could do without Corey hitting on me, thanks."
"You know what I meant." I tucked it into my pocket as I rounded the other side of the car.
"You're keeping it?" Dean asked over the roof of the car.
I opened the door and shrugged over-exaggeratedly. "I might get thirsty."
He grumbled and took out his cell phone as we both got into the car. "Let me guess. You're sitting on her couch like a stiff, trying to think of something to say."
I would have reprimanded him for teasing his brother like that, but let's face it, he was probably right.
"No, he hasn't been at work all week. But because I'm good, and I mean really, really good, I got a line on where he might be."
My mouth dropped open at the white lie. I shot him a 'Really?!' look. He shrugged just like I had a second ago.
Then a smirk crossed his lips. "What's she wearing?"
At that one I smacked him on the shoulder. He laughed and ended the call. He shook his head as he started the car. "Oh, Sammy."
Yeah, the boy did seem to have a little crush on Madison. And no doubt Dean was gonna tease the hell out of him for it for the foreseeable future.
Dean drove further into the city and eventually pulled up in the parking lot of the Fox Club. When I caught sight of the club's sign, I instantly knew what kind of club it was, already praying that Kurt wasn't there.
"You have got to be kidding me," I mumbled.
Dean sat behind the wheel, rubbing his hands with glee. "Oh, Princess, looks like the tides are turning."
We got out of the car, one of us more reluctant than the other. Dean all but dragged me to the entrance. As we got to the door, I linked my arm through his. He sent me a quizzical look.
"Guys don't take their female cousins to strip clubs, Deanie... at least I hope they don't."
My eyes took a moment to adjust to the lack of light in the room. It wasn't that busy, which was no surprise given the time of day. A dozen or so men were scattered around the room and a handful of girls did their thing on individual stages. I scanned the men, looking for Kurt and found him in the far corner.
"Here's here," I said into Dean's ear above the headache inducing music. He followed my gaze to where he was sitting. His eyes lit up—not for the fact that we'd tracked Kurt down, but because now we had to stay.
He led me to one of the small stages and sat up front. He gave the woman dancing a little wave. I threw my head back on a sigh, praying to anyone that would listen that Kurt would leave sooner rather than later. Instead of sitting down, I stayed standing; this place didn't exactly look like it was known for its cleanliness, and I couldn't tell if there were any stains on the seats in this dim lighting. Someone please get me out of here!
I leaned beside Dean against the stage, where I could keep my eye on Kurt's movements. Dean on the other hand, didn't seem all that interested in doing his job. "Dean you're facing the wrong way."
"Oh, I think I'm facing just the way I need to be," he said without taking his eyes of the woman in front of him.
"Do you like rolling around in your own filth?" I asked. "Because pigs do that right?"
He finally turned to face me. "Do you have something against strippers?"
"Hey, if a woman wants to take her clothes off and shake what her momma gave her… then you go girl. Doesn't mean I need to stand here and leer at her."
"That's ok, I can leer enough for the both of us."
I groaned.
Dean pulled out his cell phone, no doubt to update Sam again. "We found him… Oh, yeah, my eyes are glued. Look, Sammy, I gotta let you go. I, uh, I don't wanna miss anything."
This was not how I expected my day to go. What I wouldn't have given for a nice warm bubble bath and a comfy king size bed. But no. I was stuck here with Mr Horn Dog and every other guy in here that clearly had nothing better to do with their time. I mean, was it normal for guys to just spend their day at a strip club by themselves?
"You know, there's something seriously sad about it," I said.
"About what?"
"If you're coming to a strip club in the middle of the day, something is very wrong in your life."
Dean waved away my comment. "It'll be getting dark soon."
"Oh, my bad, that makes it all better."
"Here, I'll get us some drinks so you can drown your sorrows," he said, taking pity on me.
I was gonna need a lot of drink to accomplish that.
Dean came back with our drinks and tucked his wallet into his back pocket.
"Not gonna keep your singles out?"
He sent me a cheeky grin. "All in good time."
Kurt had started on a fresh beer and showed no signs of leaving, so we were stuck there for the foreseeable future: Dean in Wonderland and me questioning my life choices.
"Hey honey, you want a lap dance?"
A woman with a shock of red hair and a dress that was defying the laws of physics stood between Dean and I.
Dean whirled around on his stool and smiled. "Oh, well if you—"
"I was talking to her," she said nodding at me.
The look of shock on Dean's face made being here well worth it. I was almost giddy with satisfaction.
"I'm good, thanks," I said to her. "Maybe later."
"Ok, cutie." She chucked me on the chin then sauntered away.
I smiled at Dean. "Rae, two. Dean, zero." He seemed to be off in a daydream. I waved my hand in front of his face. "Dean? Dean?"
He shook himself back to reality. "Sorry, I just had a really fun image in my head."
Before I could cuss him out, he said, "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm a pig."
I huffed. "Well at least you're self-aware."
Soon, Kurt was nearing the end of his drink and I hoped he wouldn't be ordering another one. We needed to get this case moving before the sun went down, which wasn't too far away. If he could just—
"I think you should get yourself an itty bitty bikini and give it a go."
It took me a second to realise what Dean was talking about. I rolled my eyes at his foolishness. "Don't be an idiot."
He held up his hands. "I'm serious."
"And I'm seriously ignoring you." I turned away and finished off my own drink. I had no idea what Dean had ordered me, but it had been nice and sweet.
About five minutes later, Kurt stood up and grabbed his jacket. Finally!
"Have you had your fill of her?" I asked Dean, nodding towards the woman twirling around the pole.
"Oh, I may be looking at her, Princess, but it's not her I'm picturing up there." A smile spread across his face slowly.
My lip curled in disgust and I whacked him across the back of his head. "Gross. Come on, drink up. Kurt's on the move."
Dean had had his fun in here. And it was only right that I had the last laugh before we left. I couldn't help myself. As he stood up, I gripped his t-shirt and pulled him towards me. His eyes widened.
"You know what? I've been thinking…" I said, pulling him close enough our chests were touching.
A grin tugged at his lips. "Oh yeah? What about?"
My hands moved around his back and ran down into his back pockets. "About the whole itty bitty bikini thing."
His eyes darkened. "Yeah?"
Quick as a flash, I snatched his wallet out of his pocket. I grabbed all the cash in there and handed it up to the stripper. She blew me a kiss in thanks.
I spun back to Dean and threw his wallet at him. He stood there, gaping like a fish.
"Wha—what? I had like three hundred dollars in there!"
"And now its tucked safely into an itty bitty bikini." I laughed. "Come on, we don't want to lose Kurt."
A shiver ran through me. Not that I was cold; I figured it was just a way for my body to keep me awake. Who knew standing in an alley for hours watching a window could be so dull? Go figure.
"You cold?" Dean asked as he leaned against the dumpster beside me. "We could always rub our bodies together to keep warm."
"I think I'll live through this bitterly cold Californian night," I said deadpan.
He shrugged and went back to keeping an eye on Kurt's window. "Your loss."
To give him credit, he was keeping me awake. Those claw marks by Kurt's balcony gave us a good indication of how he got in and out when he went all wolf-man, so we didn't need to be stationed at different exits. Dean may have been annoying as a swarm of locusts, but he kept things entertaining. Yet I couldn't hold back a yawn.
"That's like the fifth time you've yawned in as many minutes."
"Hey, I've just come off of a case—"
"A non-case."
"Yeah, whatever. It still took up a whole bunch of my sleeping time. Sue me for being tired."
I tried not to, but another yawn escaped me at the end of my sentence, and I wasn't fast enough to try and hide it.
"Right, that's it. Go and get coffee." He waved his arm directing me down to the mouth of the alley. "I would offer to pay like the gentleman I am, but someone stole all my cash."
Dean wasn't ever going to let that go, was he? Which was fine because I would never not find it funny. "You don't think the cash was given to a worthy cause?"
"Not three hundred dollars' worth!"
"All right, I'll go." I started walking off backwards. "You gonna be ok here?"
"Will I be all right standing here and watching a window? Yeah. I think I'll manage."
"Ok. Yell if you need me."
I headed down the block, thankful there were coffee shops pretty much everywhere. I went inside the first one I saw and ordered two cups to go—I wasn't quite cruel or selfish enough to go back with only one for myself. I was even extra nice and bought a couple of doughnuts. While my order was getting sorted, I headed to the bathroom; I had straight up refused to use the ones at the strip club. When I was done, I splashed some cold water on my face and went to collect my order. That first sip of coffee felt like I'd injected adrenaline straight into my veins. I almost skipped back to Kurt's building.
I walked into the alley and stopped. Dean wasn't there. I jogged further down to look up at Kurt's apartment. The curtains were billowing outside in the wind. The window had been smashed. Hell! I dropped the coffee and doughnuts and ran into the apartment building. When I got to his door, I got my gun out, my heart pounding. I stalked inside. There had been a struggle—one that Kurt had badly lost. I spun, finding Dean slumped on the floor.
"Dean!" I bent down beside him and tried to shake him awake. He was out. I checked for a pulse, thankful to find it strong and steady. I ran my hand through my hair. I had only been gone twenty minutes tops. How had it all gone wrong so quickly? "Crap."
I was going to have to wait for Dean to wake up. I went back over to Kurt. Just like the police officer, his chest had been shredded, and whoever the werewolf was, they'd been about halfway through eating his heart when they were interrupted—most likely by Sleeping Beauty over there. Gross.
I pulled my phone out to call Sam.
"The werewolf isn't Kurt."
After a beat he asked, "How do you know?"
"Because I'm currently standing over him, staring at his insides."
"… oh."
"Yeah. Everything good over there?"
"Yeah, yeah. It's all quiet."
"Right, well Dean's taking a little siesta at the moment. When he comes to, he might be able to tell us more about the werewolf. Hang tight."
With not much else I could do, I sat on the couch and waited. It was unlikely the werewolf would return, but I kept my gun on my lap just in case.
The sun had just begun to rise, turning the sky a mix of dusty orange, pink and blue, when Dean woke up.
"Ah hell." He sat up, rubbing the back of his head. Maybe I should have put a pillow under him. Oh well.
"Rise and shine." I went over to give him a helping hand up. "I told you to yell for me."
He caught sight of Kurt's body and seemed to suddenly remember what had happened. "Crap. It was Madison."
Hello plot twist. "What!?"
He dug out his cell phone to warn Sam. "Yeah, now that I'm conscious. The werewolf knocked me out. Sam, it's Madison…Yeah, awesome job of keeping an eye on her."
Sam had said everything was quiet. How could a werewolf sneak past him?
"Well, she wasn't an hour ago," Dean said to Sam. "Check her right arm below her elbow. I nicked her with a silver knife."
He put the phone back in his pocket and we headed for the door.
"This is about to get messy, isn't it?" I asked.
Dean didn't respond. He didn't need to.
Sam let us into Madison's apartment. She was tied to a chair, tears streaming down her face, looking confused and scared.
"How you doin'? My head feels great, thanks," Dean said, sarcasm rife in every word. He took out his gun. We both knew what needed to happen, whether we liked it or not.
"We've gotta talk." Sam led us into the kitchen. "She says she has no idea what I'm talking about."
"She's lying," Dean said confidently.
"Or maybe she really doesn't know she's changing, you know? Maybe when the creature takes over, she blacks out."
"Like a really hot Incredible Hulk." I rolled my eyes at Dean's comment. "Come on, dude, she ganked her boss and her ex-boyfriend. That doesn't sound rash and unconscious."
"Yeah, but what if it was, Dean? I mean, what if some animal part of her brain saw both those guys as threats? Hell, the cop, too."
"What are you, the Dog Whisperer now?" Dean griped.
"Look, man, I just… I don't know, there was something in her eyes."
I wondered how much of what Sam saw in her eyes was clouded by his obvious growing feelings for her.
Dean flung his arms out. "Yeah, she's killing people!"
"But if she has no control over it—"
"Exactly. She can't control it. Even if she's telling the truth, it's not gonna change anything."
I could feel a Winchester fight coming on, so I added my two cents. "He's right, Sam. Are we supposed to just let her keep killing people? That's on us."
My heart was crushed a little when he looked at me with disappointment. I didn't like the sensation, but no matter how tough it was, Dean and I seemed to be the only rational ones in the room.
Sam huffed. "I'm not putting a bullet through some girl's chest who has no idea what's happening."
"Sam, she's a monster, and you're feeling sorry for her?" Dean asked.
"Maybe I understand her."
Damn, Sam. The reminder of his problems with the demons settled like a heavy anchor in the room. But the difference was, Sam wasn't out there running around killing people.
"Look," Sam said after taking a moment to collect himself. "There might be another way we can get the job done without having to waste her."
Dean's eyes narrowed. "Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"
Sam went over to the table and picked up a familiar book—John's journal.
"Dad's theory," Sam began to read, "lycanthropy might have a cure if you kill the werewolf who bit you, severing the bloodline".
"Might have a cure. Meaning "who the hell knows?" Dean argued, trying to keep his voice down.
"It's worth a shot."
"It's a pretty long shot, Sam," I said. "Surely we would know about a cure if there really was one."
"We have to try!"
"We don't even know where to start looking, all right?" Dean said. "I mean, the puppy that bit her could be anyone, anywhere. It could've been years ago."
Sam stared off into the distance as if he was recalling something. "No. I don't think so." He charged out of the room to Madison.
"Madison, when were you mugged?" He asked her.
She met his question with determined, stony silence.
"Please. It's important, all right? Just answer the question."
She looked at all three of us, one by one, then reluctantly answered. "About a month ago."
"Did you see the guy?"
"No. He grabbed me from behind."
"Did he bite you?"
Madison's mouth dropped open at Sam's question.
"How did you know that?" she asked with a quiver in her voice.
"Where?"
"On... on the back of my neck."
Sam showed her that he was putting his gun down before going to stand behind her. Dean and I followed. Sam brushed her hair away from her neck, revealing a small, crescent shaped bite.
"Oh, that's just a love bite. Believe me, that could have been a lot worse." Dean wasn't wrong. If a werewolf wanted to really take a bite out of her, she'd have no neck left. Which begged the question, why didn't the werewolf do just that?
"Where were you at the time?" Dean asked.
"Walking home from a friend's loft," Madison explained, all too eager to share information now. She knew something was up.
"Let me guess," Sam said as we stood in front of her again. "Not too far from Hunter's Point?"
She nodded.
We went back into the kitchen.
"The same place where those other murders happened," Sam said as he closed the door firmly behind us. "I'm telling you, it's a werewolf's hunting grounds."
"Maybe, but that doesn't mean it's gonna be out there tonight," Dean said.
"It's the right time of the lunar cycle. Look, I know it's a long shot but—"
Dean cut him off. "Hey, you're forgetting something. Maddie's probably gonna turn soon, all right? We can't just let her take off to an all-you-can-eat buffet."
Sam crossed his arms and leant against the wall. "I'll stay with her."
"And if she busts loose? Sam?"
After a pause, he whispered, "I'll do it."
"Sam."
"I'll shoot her, all right?" he said more steadily. "But guys, I need you to go out there. At least go look for the thing. Please. We can save this girl."
Dean and I looked at one another. We were both just as skeptical of this plan as the other. But Sam was asking for our help. Scratch that, he was begging. And if we had a chance to save Madison, no matter how small and unlikely that chance was, we had to take it.
"Ok, we'll go," I said.
Dean nodded in agreement, and we left the apartment.
"He's got it bad, huh?" I asked as we walked down the porch steps.
"Yeah." He didn't seem too happy about it. It was clear why. This case was probably only going to end one way.
We waited for night to fall once more before splitting up and taking up different stake out points along Hunter's Point. The irony of a werewolf hunting in a place called Hunter's Point was not lost on me.
We had been out there for a couple of hours when Dean called.
"Anything yet?" he asked.
"No, nothing. We probably won't even—"
A car pulled up beside me. A man who looked to be in his early forties leaned over to the passenger window.
"Hey, how much…"
"Keep moving asshole," I growled. The guy bitched at me under his breath before driving off.
Dean burst out laughing on the other end of the line. "Is that Rae, three. Dean, zero?"
I groaned in disgust. "That one doesn't count. Urgh. If I get one more guy—"
A wolf howled in the distance.
"Did you hear that?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's here."
"I think it came from near to the hotel. I'll meet you there."
I shoved my phone into my pocket and ran in the direction the howl had come from. I prayed I wasn't wrong. As I turned the corner, Dean was running down the street. Someone screamed. We raced towards it together, guns drawn.
The wolf was straddling a woman, teeth bared, ready to bite. Dean and I skidded to a stop and aimed.
"Hey!" Dean barked.
The werewolf jerked its head up and we fired into its chest, while the woman continued to scream her lungs out. The wolf fell back, and she scrambled up from underneath it. She took one look at us and ran off.
"Hey, don't mention it!" Dean called out after her.
I went over to the wolf. He was still alive, choking on his own blood. His Mission Church t-shirt was saturated in red. Then he transformed back into his human form.
"It happened... again." Glen could barely get the words out. "Where am I? H–help me. Oh, God. Oh my God."
Fear darkened his eyes as tears filled them. I took a hold of his hand as Dean knelt beside me.
"It's all right, Glen. You're gonna be ok." We all knew I was lying, but I wanted to offer him some semblance of comfort in his last moments. He had been about to kill that woman, but right here, right now, he was no monster.
Glen's eyes widened before he took one last final breath. Then he was gone.
"Damn." I sat back. He hadn't known what was going on. Just like Sam had said about Madison.
"You think that worked?" I asked Dean. I now, more than ever, wanted to be wrong; maybe it would cure Madison.
Dean sighed. "Guess we'll find out soon enough."
We were sat in the Impala outside of Madison's house. Well, I wasn't sat; I was sprawled out on the backseat having a nap. Last night, Madison turned as we thought she would. She broke free of her restraints, but Sam had managed to trap her in the closet. Hopefully that was the final time she had to go through that. And that's why we were parked outside—just in case it wasn't the last time she turned. We wouldn't know until tonight if killing Glen had worked.
I was in a deep sleep when I felt something pulling against my leg. I startled awake, sat up and kicked out. Dean went flying backwards out of the open car door, hitting the sidewalk with a thud.
"Oww! Goddamnit, Princess." He sat up and rubbed his chest.
My breaths came in rapid pants, but the panic was starting to mellow out. "What the hell did you expect, grabbing me like that while I was asleep?"
"Well I didn't expect to have my chest caved in with your foot, that's for damn sure." He winced as he got to his feet.
I rubbed at my eyes. "Well I hope you've learned your lesson."
"Come on," he said, waving me out. "Madison wants us to wait inside."
I trailed behind Dean as we went back to Madison's apartment. He bitched and moaned all the way. I was sure I hadn't kicked him that hard. Though if I did, he thoroughly deserved it.
We found Madison and Sam talking in the living room. Sam bore four deep scratches in his cheek from when Madison had turned.
"You were telling the truth, weren't you? About everything. What you did, it was to help me," she was saying.
"Yeah."
Madison sat on the couch, clearly still in a daze from what had transpired last night. "I did all of those horrible things… when I turned."
"You didn't know." Sam gazed into her eyes. She gazed back. It felt like Dean and I were interrupting a moment.
"So, when will we know for sure?" she asked. "Moonrise?"
"No, I don't think so. You turned middle of the night last night. I think we've gotta hang in until sun-up."
"Well, it looks like we've got ourselves a few hours to kill." Dean clapped. "Poker, anyone?"
"You don't have any money to gamble," I reminded him.
"Dammit."
The hours passed by slowly. Madison had dug a packet of M&M's from her cupboard, which Dean and I used to gamble in our game of poker. It was safe to say that it was unlikely Dean was ever going to play with me again—I took him for every last M&M he had. We watched a couple of movies, and I picked up one of Madison's books to read. I didn't last past the first chapter after it had nearly bored me to death. Instead of finding something else to occupy myself with, I sat at the table and leaned my head down. Before I knew it, I was asleep again.
I woke up to something prodding me in the shoulder. I looked up through bleary eyes to find Dean standing a couple of feet away from me, wooden spoon in his hand.
"Wh—what the hell are you doing?"
"I wanted to wake you but didn't want to risk bodily injury."
"Idiot."
"Up you get, Princess. It's sun rise."
Huh. I hadn't realised I'd slept that long. Sure enough, Sam and Madison were stood by the window watching the sun come up.
"Does this mean it worked?" Madison asked.
"Yeah. I think so."
"Oh, God, thank you. Thank you so much." She wrapped her arms around Sam, squeezing him tight.
Dean cleared his throat.
Madison let go of Sam and faced Dean with a smile. "You, too, Dean. Thank you." Then she turned to me. "Thanks, Raelynn."
"Aw, don't mention it." Dean said, waving away the thanks he had so desperately looked for.
We all stood around staring at each other. It was awkward as hell. Of course, Dean decided to add to it. "So, we're just gonna head back to the motel and…" he started dragging me backwards out of the apartment, "watch some Pay-Per-View, or something."
I closed the door behind us. "Subtle, Dean. Real subtle."
The case was over. And for once, it actually had a pretty happy ending. Especially for Sam. I paused as I packed my bag. Did I just make a dirty joke like Dean would have? God help me. I shook it off and continued packing. There was no point in hanging around any longer.
There was a knock on my door. I opened it to find Dean leaning against the doorjamb just as I had done that first morning.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, I was thinking—"
"Did it hurt?"
He rolled his eyes. "I was thinking… since Sam's gonna be gone for a while…"
I knew what he was getting at but wanted to drag it out of him, so I decided to play dumb. "Yeah?"
"You know." He smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.
I shook my head and folded my arms. "You've lost me."
"We could maybe…" At my blank, expectant look, he blurted, "Sex. I'm talking about sex."
An elderly couple had just walked past and shot Dean reprimanding looks. I laughed at his embarrassment. "Oh, well why didn't you just say so?"
"I'm really regretting coming to your door," he moaned.
"Great. Have a nice day." I went to close the door.
He put his hand on the door, preventing me from closing it. His grin was back. Dean Winchester could never be embarrassed for long. "So… what do you say?"
I opened the door back up and actually gave the proposition some thought. Firstly, Dean hadn't completely pissed me off during the case—which was rare for him. And ok, the last time we slept together, I'd enjoyed it. A lot. And he was someone like me: he was more than happy to do the deed and say goodbye. No promises required. What harm could another roll in the hay do?
"Depends," I said.
"On?"
"Can we get pizza after?" I was kinda hungry and we would probably work up an appetite.
He tilted his head in thought. "Sex and pizza? Sounds like a perfect night to me."
That sounded like a done deal to me. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him inside. He closed the door behind him.
My mouth hovered over his. "You do know I still don't like you though, right?"
"Same goes," he muttered back.
"Good. Just checking."
Our mouths clashed, both of us fighting for dominance while our tongues tangled. I bit his lip and he hummed in response. The man could kiss; I had to give him credit. He could do more than that too. I pulled off his shirt and his t-shirt followed swiftly. His hands caressed up my sides as he lifted mine up and away. We stumbled our way across the room to the bed, barely breaking away from the kiss to breathe. He pushed me down and he climbed on top of me. His mouth moved to my neck.
"Wait, wait, wait." I pushed him back.
"What?" He looked down at me in confusion and a hint of worry.
"I need to ask you something," I said breathlessly.
"Ok…"
"Please tell me you're not one of those people who likes pineapple on pizza?"
He scrunched up his eyebrows. "Hell no! I may be a pig but I'm not that disgusting."
"Great. You can carry on." I pulled his mouth back to mine.
"So what's that? Rae, four. Dean, five?" Dean stretched his arms up from where he lay on the bed. The smuggest of smuggiest smiles lit up his whole face.
And just like that, he annoyed me. It just came so naturally to me when he was moving his mouth. Well, not necessarily moving his mouth, just when he was talking out of it.
"Did you go to school?" I said, clutching the bed sheet to my chest. "Wait, let me guess, you spent all your time making out with cheerleaders in the janitor's closet." The look on his face told me I'd hit the nail on the head. "How exactly did you come up with five?"
"Well, I did put in a stellar performance."
Ok, the rounds we'd had were… pretty good. But still. I narrowed my eyes. "Anyone ever call you humble before?"
"Now that you mention it… no."
"Why am I not surprised?" I got out of bed and started dressing.
"Where are you going?" Dean asked, sitting up.
"Pizza."
He leaned over the bed and picked up cell phone from his jacket pocket on the floor. He wagged it in the air. "Ever heard of placing an order over the phone?"
"No can do." I tugged my shirt over my head. "I'm not risking ordering crappy pizza. As soon as I walk in a place, I'll know if the pizza is good or not. Now, come on. Get dressed."
He shook his head but agreed. "Fine, fine. I need to stop at an ATM anyway," he said pointedly.
We finished getting ready and jumped into the Impala. After Dean got his cash, we drove aimlessly; he would pull over when we spotted a place to get a slice. I'd kicked my boots off and sat with my feet up on the chair—Dean had given me the side-eye but when I pointed out that I'd removed my shoes, he gave up the fight before it started. AC/DC was playing over the radio. I sang along softly, tapping my fingers on the edge of the door to the beat.
Dean kept staring over at me, a smile on his face. "What are you smiling at?"
"Good to know that sex with me puts you in a good mood." Did he just puff his chest out?
I scoffed. "Oh, it's not the sex buddy boy. It's the promise of pizza."
"Suuure."
"Besides, it could just be sex in general. Might have nothing to do with you."
"Oh, it's got everything to do with me." Then he mumbled under his breath, "Bet Corey wouldn't have been able to put that smile on your face."
Would the smugness never end? That's what I got for choosing to sleep with him again. I wasn't overly annoyed at him really, it was more of a mild irritation. Yet, I still wanted to knock him off his high horse and wipe that ever-present smile from his face.
I turned to look out my window. "So do you think Sam and Madison…"
"Oh yeah," he said with confidence.
I bit back my own smile that was fighting to break free in anticipation of Dean's reaction to what I was about to say next. "Hmm. I wonder what Sam's like in bed. Gentleman on the streets, freak in the bed?"
He made a sound like he was choking. I turned to see him shaking his head quickly, as if trying to shake an unwanted image from his head. "Right, that's it! No more talking." He pretended to gag.
Laughter erupted from me. "I was just kidding."
"No!" He held up his hand to me. "There will be silence from here on out. Starting now."
For the rest of the journey, he cursed to himself silently. I was almost disappointed when we pulled up outside a pizzeria. Inside there was a small line so we wouldn't have to wait long for the slice of heaven I was so desperate for, especially after the delicious scents that filled the air. Yeah, this place definitely did good pizza.
"What do you want?" he asked me.
"I can talk now?"
He raised a single brow and looked down his nose at me. "Just to order."
A butt-hurt Dean was a funny Dean.
I perused the signs hanging over the counter and made my decision promptly. "I'll have the veggie."
"Excuse me?" he said with disgust as if I'd just told him I hunt kittens for a living. "You're a vegetarian?"
"No, I'm not a vegetarian; you've seen me eating burgers. It's just what I fancy having. Is that a crime?"
He looked at me as if I was speaking an alien language. "You want vegetables on your pizza. No meat? On purpose?"
I raised my eyebrows as if it were obvious. Which it was. "That's typically what a veggie pizza is yeah."
He shook his head slowly. "You are not the woman I thought you were."
After Dean grumbled out our order—he'd chosen some sort of meat feast that I could have sworn had about fifty different animals on it, just to balance out my lack of it—we took our pizzas back to the motel. When we got out the car, I took my box from his hands and went off in my room's direction.
"What are you doing?" he said following me.
"Going back to my room. Alone."
"But, I thought…" he nodded to his room.
"We had sex. We got pizza. Good night." I opened my door and closed it on Dean, whose mouth was hanging open.
He called through the door. "Did you just sleep with me so I'd buy you pizza?"
I opened the door back up and poked my head out. "I'm not some sort of pizza hooker, Dean. If I wanted to put a price on my 'services', trust me, you wouldn't be able to afford me. Sleep tight."
I locked the door, jumped on the bed and turned the TV on. I'd had a nice… workout. Now I was ending my night with a pizza and a movie. Now that was a perfect night.
The next morning, my bags were packed and ready to load. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when someone started banging on my door. I spat out the toothpaste and charged for the door, ready to chew whoever it was out.
"Madison turned," Dean said as soon as I opened the door.
"What?" It hadn't worked. She's been fine the whole previous night. Why hadn't it worked?
"She got out. We need to find her."
I grabbed my jacket. "Is Sam ok?"
"For now. But we both know how this is gonna end."
This was going to crush Sam.
We strode out to the car. Sam was waiting impatiently by it.
"I already called Bobby," he said. "He doesn't know anything. Except he knew severing the bloodline wouldn't work. That's everyone. They all say it's impossible to reverse it."
"But why didn't she turn before when we were with her?" I asked.
"So, what, you put her to bed and then she wolfed out? Maybe she's gotta be asleep to turn." Dean's guess seemed the only logical explanation.
"What the hell does it matter?" Sam said. "Look, we've gotta find some way to help her, some legend we missed or something."
"If there was, don't you think someone we know would've known it?" Dean asked.
"Well, then we have to look harder! Until we find something."
"Sammy, I don't think we've got a choice here anymore."
Sam took a step back from Dean. "What?"
"I hate to say it. She's a sweet girl, but part of her is—"
"Evil?" Sam sneered.
Dean took a breath. "Yeah."
"Yeah, that's what they say about me, Dean! So me you won't kill, but her you're just gonna blow away?"
"Sam, this is a completely different situation." I tried to say it as gently as I could. "What else is there to do?"
Sam's phone rang. He answered the call frantically. "Madison, where are you? Do you see any street signs?"
Dean and I looked at each other. We knew we were only going to talk in circles with Sam. This was going to be one massive punch in the gut.
"All right, hold on, Maddie. We're coming to get you, just stay where you are."
We picked Madison up and drove back to her apartment. She was shaken and exhausted. She didn't seem hurt, but who knew what she'd done to someone else when she'd transformed.
"I don't remember anything." Her voice trembled. "I probably killed someone last night. Didn't I?"
Sam ducked his head, unable or unwilling to answer the question.
"There's no way to know yet," Dean said gently.
She swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Is there something else we can try, to make it go away?"
"We'll find something," Sam said. "I mean, there's gotta be some answer, somewhere."
"That's not entirely true," Dean said. "Madison, you deserve to know. We've scoured every source. There's just no cure."
"Is–is he right?" She looked at Sam, desperate for the truth. Again, he couldn't answer her. He couldn't even look at her anymore; he got up and faced away from her. The guy's heart was breaking right in front of us.
There was no need for Dean to play the villain by himself, so I explained the situation as best I could. "Well, we could lock you up at night, but… you'll get out eventually. And when you get out, someone else is going to die." I hated every second of it. I hated every word that I had to say. I hated the look of doomed realisation on her face. "I'm so sorry, Madison."
Her eyes welled. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she nodded resolutely. "So, I guess that's all there is to it, then."
"Stop it. Don't talk like that," Sam said firmly.
"Sam, I don't wanna hurt anyone else. I don't wanna hurt you." Her voice broke on the last word. She reached over and picked Dean's gun up from where it lay on the table. She held it tightly in her hand as she walked over to Sam.
"Put that down," he whispered.
"I can't do it myself. I need you to help me."
"Madison, no."
The emotions were rising in them, the pain and grief overwhelming. I could barely stand to watch them.
"Sam… I'm a monster."
"You don't have to be. We could find a way, all right? I can. I'm gonna save you."
"You tried. I know you tried. But this is all there is left." She took a step closer to him, begging him. "Help me, Sam. I want you to do it. I want it to be you."
He looked down at the gun as if it were a snake coiled in her grasp. "I can't." The words were forced from between his gritted teeth.
"I don't wanna die." The tears were streaming down her face now. Sam was barely holding it together. "I don't. But I can't live like this. This is the way you can save me. Please. I'm asking you to save me."
Dean slowly got up and took the gun from Madison's hand.
Sam gazed into her eyes one more time, before turning away and walking off into the kitchen. I placed what I hoped was a soothing hand on Madison's shoulder; I had no words to offer her. Then Dean and I followed after Sam. He stood with his back to us.
"Sam. I'm sorry."
At Dean's voice, he turned around and whatever thread that was still managing to hold my heart together, shattered. My throat tightened, my chest felt heavy at the sight of tears flowing from his eyes, at the devastation written across every inch of his face. I'd been wrong before. He wasn't breaking. He was already broken.
"No, you're right," he said through the tears. "She's right."
"Sammy, I got this one," Dean said softly. "I'll do it."
I couldn't stand back and watch this happen. It wasn't right on any of them. I took a step forward and held my hand out for the gun, "No. I'll do it." I locked eyes with Dean. "He shouldn't have to look at his brother every day and be reminded of this."
I could see just how desperate Dean was to fix this for his brother. But there was no way out of this.
"No. She asked me to." Sam's body was shaking.
Dean shook his head. "You don't have to."
"Yes, I do. Please." The words were barely above a whisper.
Dean stood there for a moment, not wanting to move. But Sam was determined to do this for Madison and Dean knew it. He handed the gun over.
Sam's lips quivered. "Just wait here."
He began to walk out of the room but turned to face Dean before he left. The look in his eyes… I had to look away. His pain was too much to take. The weight in my chest grew. My eyes burned with the promise of tears, but they refused to fall.
I heard Sam's footsteps retreat as he left the kitchen. An eerie silence settled over the room. It was broken by a single gunshot.
We helped Sam to deal with the fallout, doing the best we could for Madison. No one said a word. We hardly even looked at each other. When we got back to the motel, I so wanted to offer some words of comfort, but I had no clue what to say. Instead, I left the brothers alone to go to my room. The weight on my chest from earlier was still there. It was still there through my shower, through getting changed, through lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling for close to an hour. And I knew what that weight was. Yes it was pain and sorrow for Madison. It was my hurt for Sam. But it was also something else, something from my past that these emotions were dredging up. The room felt like it was caving in around me. I couldn't take it anymore, so I bundled up in my jacket and went outside. I sat on the hood of my truck, leaning back against the windshield. The stars were out tonight, dazzling in their brightness. And just like that, while looking up at the hundreds of scattered stars, the damn broke free. I cried for Madison, for Sam, and for the promise of a future someone else never got to fulfil.
"Hey, what are you—" Dean froze when he saw the state I was in.
I tilted my head away from him, hastily wiping the tears from my cheeks, and breathing deeply to settle myself.
I cleared my throat. "I couldn't sleep. Just needed some air." That sounded steady enough to me.
There was a beat of silence before Dean said, "Move over."
I still kept my face turned away from him as I shuffled over on the hood. "How's Sam?"
He sighed as he settled down next to me. "He's pretending to try and get some sleep. But he's just staring at the ceiling." Another beat. "How are you?"
"I'm fine."
His fingers gripped my chin and turned my face to his.
"You should probably let your face know that then," he stated.
Busted. I wasn't getting out of this one without explaining myself. The trouble was, everything in my head was a jumbled mess.
"Just this whole thing… She didn't want to die. She shouldn't have had to die. She's never going to get married. Have kids. Travel the world. Everything was just stripped away from her." She wasn't the only one on my mind who would never get to do those things. And my heart broke a little bit more because of it. "It's not fair. And Sammy having to do that? He's never gonna forget that pain. He's going to carry that with him forever. He won't be able to shake it."
"You lost someone you cared about?" I hated that he could see right through me, especially in that moment.
I could only nod.
"What was his name?" he asked.
"What?" I didn't know what he meant. When it clicked, I said, "No. Not like that." I took the deepest breath, preparing to say her name out loud. "Sophie. My sister." The rest of my breath left me in a flood. Hearing her name from my lips was like getting a sledgehammer to the chest. I couldn't remember the last time I'd said her name out loud. That thought only made me hate myself more.
Dean's brow furrowed, before recognition hit. "The Shtriga case. You told me a kid was hurt on your watch. That was Sophie?"
I nodded.
"God, Rae. I'm sorry."
I shook off his sorry. He didn't need to say it. I deserved all the pain I was feeling.
"It's just bringing it all back to me," I said on a shaky breath.
"Let me guess, you've never talked to anyone about it."
"No."
"Maybe you should." My eyes shot to his. The empathy on his face was almost too much for me to bear. "I'm not saying it has to be right here, right now. Hell, I'm a total hypocrite, I never talk about anything. But you're gonna forever carry that weight until you do."
"Maybe I deserve to carry it," I whispered.
"I don't believe that." He sounded so sure of himself. So sure of me.
But he didn't know the truth. Didn't know what I had done.
Yet, what if he was right? If I carried on dealing with things the way I had been, it would eventually be too much and it would destroy me.
And strangely enough, maybe Dean was just the person to talk to. Would he judge me? Maybe. But so what if he did? I didn't mean anything to him, and he didn't mean anything to me. We were barely acquaintances after all. We could always go our separate ways and I wouldn't ever have to see him again.
But I didn't think it would unfold like that.
My decision was made. I'd find out eventually if I'd come to regret it or not.
"I wanna tell you."
His eyes widened a fraction, before he composed himself. "You sure?"
Once more, I nodded. And then I prepared to relive the most painful moment of my past. I just had to hope I'd make it out in one piece.