"I was told to give you this,"
Subaru had been left with one very specific instruction, and he was in no position to waste anymore of his own already-scarce time. He had already taken a good ten minutes to find who he was looking for, something that made him somehow more frustrated than he already was.
Rem, the Head Maid of Roswaal's household, turned to face the youth with a rather irritated look plastered across her face.
"Give Rem what?" she asked as Subaru reached into his own breast pocket, drawing the long gold key that Roswaal had entrusted him with temporarily. Rem's facial expression quickly changed when her azure eyes sighted the key—she had naturally seen it before, the intricate impressions carved into its bow so unique and detailed she was positive as to who it belonged to.
"Why do you have that," she said, once again rushing in before Subaru could answer her biting, subtly hostile questions. "I'm sure that belongs to Roswaal-sama, why in the world would you have that?"
"He asked me to give it to you, he didn't really say anything else," Subaru replied, too worried about lingering about any longer than he could afford to care about Rem's uncharacteristic antagonism.
Rem stood for a moment, clearly trying to make sense of the situation in her own way. Subaru stood patiently, the key sitting in his outstretched hand waiting for the maid to take it. She did, eventually, but she seemed sceptical and rather worried.
She said no words once the key was in her possession, however Subaru noted how she tucked it away into a very specific seam of her dress. It was thoughtless, familiar—as if she had rehearsed this specific action like a line in a play. He knew he was likely overthinking things in his stress, and tried his best to push it out of his mind.
Rem provided no more resistance, allowing Subaru to hustle his way through the mansion. He weaved his way through the various hallways and foyers, the almost impossibly complex layout of the manor burned into his memory following a good few years of residence, pushing on in a half-run half-walk.
The tension within him began to build once more. With every passing second, his mind began to unravel, the panic he had done so well to suppress beginning to rapidly seep in through the widening cracks of his fragile subconscious.
His legs ached as he slogged on, the urge to crumble into a pile of sobbing failure growing stronger within him, yet it was not the physical pain that was causing him the most distress.
No, it was actually the last thing on his already distressed mind.
Subaru knew what death smelt like. It was indescribable, yet once experienced it was impossible to forget.
It wasn't the foul, rotten stench of decay. That was something completely different, something that most people in their lifetime would experience. It was a part of life, a natural phenomenon, one could say.
The smell that lingered around death was different. It was wicked, an intentionally evil thing that attacked the mind, brutalising an individual from the inside, teasing them, coaxing them to escape, before snapping them back into an inescapable pit of misery and grief.
It tortured Subaru, and as the memories of those he loved flashed through his mind, all he could remember clearly at this time was the sight of their dead bodies.
As those painful memories came and went, his feet mindlessly carried him closer and closer to his destination. He passed the artefacts of unimaginable history that lined the corridors, wooden accents carved by the hands of Roswaal's ancestors, paintings that would be the centrepiece of the grandest museums…each step took him closer and closer to facing the truth.
What was that truth exactly? That, he didn't know. He just knew deep down that everything that had happened over the past few hours was bound to be answered soon.
As he eventually stumbled into the main foyer of the mansion, still as grand and excessively palatial as ever, it was the needless flamboyance of a certain Roswaal L. Mathers' attire that had snapped him out of what could only be described as a trance-like state.
Tones of lavish purple layered upon scarlet and pure white gave the head of the Mathers household an unmistakable air of elite nobility that Subaru was still not used to. His clown-like makeup and distinguished façade aside, there was no doubt as to who this man was, nor where he stood in society. The way he carried himself, the way he dressed, his almost-irritatingly perfect manners…everything about him just seemed to pin him as a complete gentleman of the highest calibre.
He stood patiently at their agreed meeting place without even a hint of worry in his expression. He didn't pick his nails, he didn't slouch or lean, he simply waited patiently for his company to arrive.
He was a textbook example of the high-life, and he knew it.
That was in stark contrast to the young boy who had only just joined him. Whilst Subaru wasn't dressed poorly by any means, his outfit was admittedly casual and following his scramble through the mansion, he was a little rough around the edges. The child was far from used to the comforts of luxury, and whilst he was warmly welcomed into a household that was essentially the definition of the word, he wasn't a guest.
He was essentially a soldier in training.
Roswaal had noticed Subaru's arrival before he was even in the room, his heavy footsteps against the uncarpeted wooden flooring announcing his presence to the perceptive Margrave. However, when he did burst into the 'room', Roswaal was more than a little bit surprised at Subaru's exasperation.
"Suuubaru-kun, it's lovely to seee you again," Roswaal jested, gauging the youth for his reaction. To his surprise, however, Subaru simply smiled.
"Once Emilia gets back, we can make our way down," he said, almost calmer than he himself expected.
"Intereeesting. Even in such a dire situation, your priority still lies with Emilia-saaama," the mage replied, "Of courseee, that is to be expected from suuuch an…important relaaationship,"
Subaru took a moment to find his response to Roswaal's strange response, yet he found himself agreeing with the sentiment. It was true, despite the magnitude of the situation, he found himself worrying more about Emilia than anything else. She was his first thought, his first consideration, and his largest motivation in life.
Yet he knew that. She had always been seated in the forefront of his mind. She was the rope that kept him together, that brought him back from his darkest hours and allowed him to push forward.
Truthfully, he knew she had done more for him than he could ever repay. She provided solace when no other could, and became the person he relied on the most when times grew tough. The very least he could do for her was to get them out of this situation, because he knew only he could.
"Anyway Subaruuu-kun, do you care to explain a little more of the situation at haaand? I seem to find myself rather curious as to how you have obtained this informaaation,"
That was a question Subaru had anticipated. It was natural, of course—the nature of his claim was dire, and his lack of explanation made the entire situation extremely suspicious.
Yet he was struggling to provide an explanation that would actually make sense.
"I just…call it a hunch or whatever you want, but I just know that what I'm saying is fact," he replied, studying Roswaal's expression, to little effect. His face remained unmoved, his impenetrable eyes as cold as ever.
"A hunch, you say? Interesting…"
Subaru really didn't have an excuse that was believable. He was waiting for Roswaal to pry a little too deep, deep enough as to where Subaru had no answer, letting his entire plan fall apart. It was a perpetual cycle of torment from a source he couldn't understand—he was being strung along in the sick games of some unknown being, memories of cruel false pasts rushing through his mind, woven through his memory in a way that made them seem so real.
Yet he didn't actually know what was going on, and certainly was in no place to give an explanation to someone of Roswaal's importance. Even if he could, the one time he tried to tell someone went horribly wrong.
He had died, or so it seemed. He was the only one who had experienced the memories that troubled him so deeply, yet because of his experience on that forest pass less than thirty minutes ago, he couldn't find the nerve to say anything.
Subaru was brought up believing in the supernatural—it was a huge part of the culture of his people, and he had never once doubted the truth behind the stories and lessons of his childhood. They gave his life a sense of purpose, and allowed him to find a small amount of comfort in even the direst situations, however the supernatural he was raised to know was much different from whatever was seemingly torturing him now.
"I believe it's a bit more than a hunch, if I can be honest,"
Without much thought, the truth finally slipped out of his mouth. Roswaal's cold expression finally showed the slightest touch of interest, yet the Margrave's lips remained sealed, allowing Subaru to speak freely.
The young boy was in desperate need of information himself, however. He knew very little about his situation, yet the basics seemed to be very simple.
Should he die, his mind and body are transferred back in time to a seemingly random set point. How this came to be remained a complete mystery to him—both in how he gained this ability and who actually gave it to him—however he was almost certain that he was looking in the right direction for the right answer.
He glanced at Roswaal, studying his expression closely. He could see the intrigue in his face, his sly smirk proof of his lingering suspicion over Subaru. That made sense, but it still nipped at Subaru a little—he wanted Roswaal to just believe him. It'd make everything so much simpler, yet it truly was an unrealistic thing to expect.
Subaru dug deep once again, searching for the morsel of courage he needed. Each time he went to rip the bandage off and just spit everything out, his body refused to cooperate. His mouth opened and closed, yet no words were spoken.
Roswaal remained silent, yet Subaru could feel his patience waning.
"Alright,"
Roswaal raised an eyebrow, his eyes falling upon the young boy's quivering form once more. Subaru didn't return the gesture.
In reality, eye contact with Roswaal was the last thing he wanted. It always felt like Roswaal could read his mind when his cold gaze met his own, as if he was invading a place that no other soul should be able to see. He had saved his life, yet as he grew the eccentric clown-like man seemed more and more disengaged from reality.
He trusted him, at least for now. But that didn't remove the feeling of unease when Subaru really thought about what their relationship actually was. Roswaal owed him nothing. Subaru owed him everything.
Especially now, with his life once again on the line. It was as if he was dangling over a cliff's edge, yet Roswaal refused to pull him up. He was never going to let go, he was sure of that, but he would never lift him to safety.
"Roswaal, I know this will sound insane,"
Now he did make eye contact, and it really didn't feel right.
"I believe that I have the ability to see into the fu-"
Cold, thin fingers snaked around his body, caressing him, gentle at first, but as his mouth moved to make another sound, the black tendril-like appendages lunged for his heart.
He was frozen in place as his very soul was violated, his vision obscured by clouds of pure black evil, his heart constricted in the jaws of a terror that had been haunting him for what felt like an eternity.
There was no sound, no voice, and yet Subaru got the idea. He had the ability to speak freely, but he understood that doing so would end his life instantly afterwards. He was a prisoner in his own body, the slave of a demon he couldn't even begin to comprehend.
The grip of the cold hand remained firm on his heart. He felt everything, each twitch and movement it made, each one more agonising than the last.
Thin, dainty fingers compressed the organ that kept him alive with an ease that made him want to puke—he was being corrupted from the inside, and he had no ability to do anything to stop it.
Long, feminine fingernails dug deep into his cardiac tissue, relaxing, and then plunging deeper, tearing through muscle fibres as if it were thread. Each nail was like a dagger, each with a very simple message, a message that he was dreading.
As stress began consuming his thoughts, clouding the last morsels of good judgement left within his weakened brain, true panic began to set in for the first time.
In the cold winter of Gusteko, he wasn't given the time to truly register what was happening to him. Despite the dire circumstances, his body and mind were actively shielding him from the horrors that threatened to swallow him whole, trying desperately to protect the last bit of innocence within him.
When faced up against a terrorist holding what seemed to be an unimaginable amount of power, he couldn't actively register the true scale of the situation—even when given time to dwell on it afterwards, his brain had once again shielded him from the true magnitude of what he was faced with.
This was different. He was vulnerable, defenceless as he had been before, but this time his body was betraying him. Evil seeped into him like poison, breaking down the wall that had allowed him to hold strong through his most difficult hours. Every worry and doubt he had barred off from the forefront of his conscience rushed back to him with anger and hostility, tearing him apart, forcing his eyes open as he watched the world around him burn and crumble as it had done a few short years before.
He saw flashes of silver, yet the red that seemed to consume it was the only thing his mind could register.
His lungs battled for air violently, yet the more he inhaled, the more it felt as if his body was starving for oxygen.
His head pounded with a skull-splitting throb, seeming only to escalate the morbidity of the soul destroying images he was being forced to endure. To say they were simply tormenting him was not true, however, for it was more than just mindless cruelty.
This was torture.
Cold, calculated torture, a fabric spun only to blind him, to deprive him of his senses and then crush him while defenceless.
He was being toyed with, strung along in a wicked game in which he could never win—thrust into a situation without explanation, left to fend for himself in a world that already wanted his head on a spike.
Serpentine fingers still clawed around his heart, tightening with its every beat, crushing, squeezing, trying their very best to wring the last drops of life left from within him.
And then…nothing.
As quickly as it began, he was left facing the man much taller than him, his expectant expression unchanging from where it was just moments before.
"Is everything alright, Suuubaru-kun?"
Subaru's brain didn't immediately register what Roswaal was saying, leaving the pair in an uncomfortable silence that neither really knew how to get out of. Roswaal was confused, Subaru was trying his best to not collapse, both on different pages in a generally confounding situation.
"You were saying…?" Roswaal said, breaking the short silence with a question Subaru was anticipating.
"Yeah, um,"
Roswaal had a way of putting pressure on people in confrontational situations without directly saying anything, and despite the fact that this situation was hardly one of conflict, Subaru was constantly under the pump in every moment he spent standing before the man.
He owed a debt of words he could not repay, and where lying was not his forte, producing mistruths and spinning his words to avoid deceit was somehow an even bigger weakness. Everything he wanted to say was of course completely and wholly truthful, yet he wasn't allowed to vocalise that simple explanation without dire consequences.
He could try writing something down, but of course it would be a futile effort when considering the lengths his harrier had already taken to ensure his lips remained sealed.
Subaru, a child not yet a teenager, would have to procure a solution by himself that would convince one of the most powerful men in the world to simply believe every word that comes out of his mouth.
It was laughable, really.
He was struggling to keep himself together as it was—adding what was a near-impossible task in the first place onto that was just unfair at that point. He could feel his stress levels compounding, his efforts to ignore what would have brought most grown adults into a full mental-breakdown beginning to fail as Roswaal's patience quite clearly began to fade away.
"I'm a very busy individual, but I'm sure you already understand that fact," Roswaal said, pausing for the young boy to make his response. When that didn't come, the increasingly unamused Margrave continued: "Am I correct in believing so, Suuubaru-kun?"
Subaru could only nod, his vocal cords refusing to produce a reasonable response to his question. Roswaal knew damn well that Subaru was very aware of how busy his schedule could be, and that fact alone should be enough to hint at the significance and urgency of the situation, yet he continued to grill the boy as if he were nothing but a slack employee.
It really wouldn't have taken a genius to match Subaru's sudden and drastic change in behaviour to an outside cause of concern, particularly when he himself had directly laid that information out for him. Roswaal was essentially a genius, and Subaru knew he understood roughly what the situation amounted to, so this act was obviously just to make Subaru as uncomfortable as possible.
Obviously.
"Listen Roswaal I-"
"I have been listening, for quuuite some time, in fact. I think it is only fair that I take my leaaave now, given that-"
"Oh! Subaru! Roswaal!"
Subaru couldn't have snapped his head around any faster, whereas Roswaal paid no attention to the girl, signs of genuine frustration showing on his face for the first time in their conversation. Yet rather quickly, Subaru returned his focus to the man standing opposite him, a fact which didn't go unnoticed.
"Ready to go then Subaru? I've got everything we needed," Emilia said, walking towards the pair, still standing by the front door just as they were before.
On the outside, there wasn't any obvious hostility or indifference between the two, however both Roswaal and Subaru were close to boiling over.
Roswaal's eyes darkened, yet he remained in place and held his tongue, his prior attempt to exit the conversation completely stifled. Subaru, however, was noticeably relieved, his posture and body language quickly perking up the moment he heard Emilia's pleasant voice.
This didn't mean all was well though. Subaru was still extremely shaken. His hands hadn't stopped trembling, and despite his best efforts to stay strong, his furrowed brow and noticeable nervous sweat blew his hand instantly.
Emilia very quickly picked up on the tense atmosphere that lingered in the room, her natural perceptiveness and sharp eye leaving the two men little room to hide. Both herself and Subaru had been relatively relaxed when they arrived back at the mansion—regardless of their rush to grab what they had forgotten, they were preparing for a day of relaxation together—however that same relaxed mood was now nowhere to be found.
Emilia immediately moved to Subaru's side. Unlike Roswaal, who seemed to be more agitated than anything, Subaru was very clearly distressed. His mannerisms had begun to crumble back to where they stood in the days before Emilia and Subaru were familiar—he was like a stray dog, cowering away from danger, afraid to be found out and taken away from his image of safety.
Naturally, this alarmed the young girl. Not in her usual worrywart way either—she was subconsciously picking up a frightening number of red flags around the situation, and whilst she couldn't place an exact finger on what was wrong, she was certain that Subaru specifically was not comfortable.
The boy himself was uncharacteristically unfocused on his confidant, his dark eyes pinned to Roswaal's in nervous distrust. It was as if, at least in Emilia's eyes, Subaru was scared of the mage.
But then again, that was an idea she would laugh at in any other situation. Roswaal was Subaru's guardian, mentor, and protector. He had essentially given him a new lease on life, and from the very little Emilia knew about how Roswaal exactly saved Subaru, seeing as the boy himself couldn't actually remember, she was positive their relationship was fruitful and positive.
"Subaru?"
Despite her call, Subaru didn't really acknowledge her, his eyes remaining firmly fixed on Roswaal, as if he was scared he would disappear should he look away for even a moment.
"Subaru is everything alright? Could you look at me please?"
"Everything is fine, Emilia-sama," Roswaal interjected, much to her displeasure.
She quite reasonably didn't appreciate her questions being answered by anyone other than her intended subject. She found it rather rude, yet the biggest misgiving she had was over Roswaal himself. Never had he been this forceful and interruptive, even in the somewhat important business meetings she had managed to observe as a part of her "training", and it rubbed her the wrong way quite significantly.
She also didn't appreciate the blatant lie Roswall had just spat at her. That really pissed her off, for it was nothing but a quick attempt to dismiss her from the conversation.
She wasn't stupid, she thought quite rightly. Her thoughts began to race quite erratically, before immediately snapping back to where her priorities laid.
The young half-elf swiftly manoeuvred herself between the mage and her confidant, removing all remaining ways for the former to interject without physically manhandling her, something she was confident he would never stoop to.
Subaru's eyes were dull, yet they were far from lifeless. Wild thoughts battled within him, desperately trying to wrangle control over his actions, words, and impulses. Emilia hadn't seen this in him before—she was used to his moments of indecision, yet this was much different.
This was more like shock, as if he was trying to regain control over himself. She knew not what he was thinking, but it was clear to her that it was troubling him deeply, if that was not immediately obvious already.
She made the conscious decision to remain calm. If Subaru was not under control over the situation, she would have to be, that was imperative. She blanked Roswaal's interjections, locking her eyes firmly with Subaru's own, speaking slowly and clearly to the young boy.
"Subaru, it's alright, I'm here now," she said, her voice smooth and pleasing to his ears, "whatever is the matter? Isn't there anyth-"
"We have to go, now," he said, quickly and with deep stress flooding his voice. Emilia immediately noticed his eyes warming, as if they finally registered her presence.
She didn't truly understand just how soothing her company was in the moment.
"Wait a moment Suba-"
"No, this is urgent,"
The room fell silent. Emilia's soft eyes widened just a little, yet her desire to speak over Subaru at this moment was nonexistent.
"If you want to trust me…if you want to trust the words that come from my mouth, then please be my guest."
Emilia stood increasingly confused, but her gaze remained firmly affixed to his, as if she was studying his mind in great detail, trying to dissect his very soul in a desperate search for an answer to her internal conundrum.
"But if you ask me to stand and do nothing, to stand here and accept that you just don't care," the young half-elf now barked, much to the deep surprise of his peers. This did no favours for Emilia in particular, her already troubled mind becoming increasingly distressed now that the conflict had once again escalated.
Emilia had since turned away from Subaru, her amethyst eyes falling upon the not-displeased face of Roswaal. A small smirk fell upon his thin lips as he prepared his response internally. Subaru, however, was growing more and more agitated by the second—Roswaal was mocking him, ridiculing his lack of independence, enjoying the fact that the only thing he could do was come to him and beg. He had never felt so weak, so futile, so–
"Do not be haaasty in your conclusions," the slender man jested.
"Don't speak over me,"
"Subaru-kun."
"Just let me speak, is that so much-"
"Maybe you should heed that advice yourself."
Subaru stepped forward, shaking in unbridled rage at the complete lack of respect he was being shown. Only Emilia stood in his way, a fact of which he would be later extremely glad of for quite obvious reasons, yet in the moment the vile concoction of unfiltered anger and an understanding lack of patience led to a completely ridiculous response.
Subaru spoke no more, too exhausted to fight over Roswaal's voice any longer. Emilia remained silent in her confusion, but gladly welcomed Subaru's head to her shoulder, reaching over to comb her hand through his hair gently as he seethed.
Her eyes remained fixed upon Roswaal's unserious face, of which was actually beginning to upset her quite dearly now. She had her own burdens, and this all just seemed to make her personal turmoil so much more unbearable. She hated not knowing, not understanding. She had been kept in the dark her entire life; she couldn't escape it, no matter how hard she tried. Everything she did just seemed to end in disaster, and that insufferable grin just grated at her without much logical reasoning.
Yet she didn't speak, not even a mutter or chunter under her breath. That wasn't her game, after all.
She patiently waited out her benefactor's silence, allowing him to get his word in without resistance. This was partially also to try and gain some ground in the situation—she was essentially siding with Subaru in the hopes he was in the right, her evidence minimal yet confidence in him high.
She knew Roswaal had won, he would always win battles of mental dominance. That was his game. They had both seen it first-hand, yet had never been at the end of it that left the actual damage behind.
He was brutal, heartbreakingly composed, and generally impossible to break. His secrets were his own, his weaknesses few and far between, certainly out of the reach of the young half-elves. His voice was strong and compelling, his tone faultless and his clarity was nearly perfect.
Subaru had since regained some small amount of composure, standing beside Emilia now, rather than behind her as he had been for much of the encounter since her arrival. His lips remained closed, his eyes falling on the wall behind Roswaal, rather than on the man himself, as if he wanted no part of the conversation any longer.
Yet he felt bound, desperate to scream and shout and spit on the feet of the man who had given him everything. He needed to step away, regain his senses, and begin formulating a plan-B for his rapidly worsening predicament, yet his feet didn't move, his mind didn't clear, and his will was weak and unconvincing.
This is how Roswaal truly won his battles.
Break your opponent to the degree that they destroy themselves internally, any common sense or logical reasoning having long since faded.
He knew Subaru through and through. He knew his mind as if it were his own, his flaws as if they had been hand-picked to suit Roswaal, his strengths as if to cause as little inconvenience as possible. Every word Subaru could possibly think to utter had a perfect response waiting on Roswaal's end, leaving the young boy boxed in from all sides.
Emilia stressed, Subaru sighed, Roswaal smiled.
In the background a young girl lurked. She caught Roswaal's eye effortlessly, and their rapid exchange of looks communicated a message of a thousand words. She took a moment to fix her bob of fluffy pink hair, before she disappeared through one of the numerous heavy wooden doors, shutting it behind her without sound or disturbance.
Roswaal fixed one of the subtle silver cuff links at his wrist, then took a step forward towards the young pair. Subaru didn't take any notice, but Roswaal continued anyway.
"I believe I understand your problem,"
"I doubt that," Subaru responded, his soft face gnarled into a nasty scowl.
Roswaal took little notice, continuing on.
"I will accompany you to resolve your problem. I trust that since neither yooou nor Emilia-sama here had the capacity to deeeal with it yourselves, the situation is somewhat significant?"
Emilia immediately turned to Subaru, alarmed.
"Problem?" she questioned, "Subaru you never told me there was a problem? What on earth is going on?"
"Just waaait a moment, Emilia-sama. I'm sure your questions will be answered in due time. For now, I believe this matter is quite urgent. Am I correct in that assumption, Suuubaru-kun?"
Subaru snapped almost instantly into gear, not caring if he had even picked up all of what Roswaal actually said. He actually skipped him altogether, turning to meet Emilia's worried gaze.
"Emilia, I promise you everything will be okay. I promise I will explain as much as I can once the situation is resolved."
He turned towards Roswaal.
"That goes for you, too. I promise you will get your explanation, and for what changed your mind…forget it. I'm sure you have your reasons, as much as I do mine."
A smirk returned to Roswaal's thin lips as he nodded his head in silent agreement.
Emilia, however, was not immediately convinced. Subaru didn't expect her to be, either, as he knew she wasn't a fool. She was also extremely irritated—having her questions repeatedly answered by the wrong people and her worries dismissed just wasn't something she was willing to sit back and accept. She wanted answers, and despite the little bit of guilt that sat over her, she wanted them now.
She wasn't just a clueless child, she thought bitterly, despising the feeling of jealousy that was creeping up from within her.
What exactly she was jealous of, that she didn't know. Subaru just seemed a little more independent and free than she did, and as much as she tried to pretend that it didn't bother her, it genuinely did.
She liked studying, she was certain of that fact, but being cooped up inside an office all day to achieve something that was pretty much chosen for her just didn't feel right.
She was grateful for what was essentially a new lease of life, and she didn't necessarily disagree with becoming involved in her country's political system–she loved the idea of bringing equality to the people who were without it, and she had often thought there was little being done to protect demi-humans despite their rapidly declining numbers.
That wasn't her issue, her issue was that she was essentially bound to one option, pressure mounted upon her from both Roswaal and Puck to work and work without much respite.
Subaru trained and explored, his study laced with a sense of adventure her own seemed devoid of–there was only so much one could learn from the words written in a book, she frequently argued, desperate to explore her studies in a more physical way.
Despite this, her magic training was still relatively infrequent, and her exploration of her own physical capabilities was done independently with Subaru and Puck (and occasionally one of the maids, should they have the time and be willing). It left her wanting, and whilst she was immensely proud of Subaru for his hard work, she wished she was doing it alongside him.
Most of her field work came in the rare occasions in which she was asked to stand in on some of Roswaal's meetings, yet she was only a witness, her contributions unwanted and unrespected. There had even been times where she was asked to leave the room entirely–many of Roswaal's guests didn't take kindly to having a half-elven girl standing silently in the corner, even the ones supposedly pushing for 'stronger policies to protect demi-humans'.
It didn't feel fair, at times her work even felt a little bit pointless. Subaru had been given something specific to climb towards, yet she had been what was essentially a suggestion.
Politics was a slippery slope she was ill-equipped to climb–Roswaal was in the thick of it, yet she didn't want to ride on his wave. Their ideals didn't really align, and their interests aligned even less; she was confident in her beliefs, yet she didn't exactly know how she would reach a point in which they'd ever be taken seriously.
She knew Subaru felt the same, and that fact gave her some comfort at the very least, but it wasn't really enough. She still felt isolated to a degree, even though she knew it wasn't perhaps in her best interest to be so.
Furthermore, the fact that Subaru was doing things somewhat behind her back didn't necessarily bother her. He was his own person at the end of the day, what exactly he chose to do in his free time was his business, yet the fact that he was keeping quite significant secrets from her did in fact rub her the wrong way.
He was hurting and she didn't know why.
Her eyes met Subaru's, only for a brief second, and she saw what seemed to be a brewing concoction of guilt and fear within them.
She half expected him to come clean right at that very moment, revealing everything from the past few moments had just been one big misunderstanding and that everything was going to be alright, and yet no such thing came.
The youth smiled instead, his eyes sharpening, determination sweeping his face as if a new vigour had been injected into his veins. He spoke many quick words to Roswaal, all of which seemed commanding and in control, yet her ears hardly listened.
She had her own burdens, and a moment of vulnerability had only worsened them.
Roswaal opened the door, his change in pace sending her suspicions only more foul, yet Subaru–who had been locked in a bout of rage with the man only moments prior–was now following him without much of a second thought.
"...ing Lia?"
"Hm?"
Emilia rubbed her eyes, noting the considerable feeling of tiredness and heaviness which lay upon them.
Subaru stared at her warmly, his sharp eyes expectant yet not forceful by any means. He was simply awaiting a response.
"Lia? Are you coming?"
Suddenly her mind seemingly tried to shift back into gear, an influx of senses overloading her tired mind, yet it only seemed to make things worse.
Her ears rang, her heart pumped rapidly, and a huge wave of nausea passed through her vulnerable body.
"Puck isn't responding to me," she said quietly, yet loud enough for both to hear.
The words came accidentally–she did not mean to speak them, yet her mind wasn't cooperating with her in the way she wanted it to.
She stumbled forward, her legs losing all strength, Subaru being the only thing stopping her from hitting the ground.
Subaru seemed significantly more concerned than Roswaal did, not that she registered that at the time. She heard the faint sounds of bickering as she faded in and out of consciousness.
"Can't we…her here…she…not fit to come…"
"...not leave her…be okay…-kun…"
She was too dazed to really pick up anything more than the feeling of Subaru grabbing her firmly, his strong arms cradling her tight, and the feeling of her feet swiftly leaving the ground.
When Emilia's brain fully kicked back in she was several hundred metres in the air, and then she wasn't.
Roswaal was not one for gradual descents, choosing a 'controlled' freefall as his preferred method of lowering himself to the ground. This seemed to work nicely for Emilia, who went from zero to one hundred pretty much instantly, snapping back to her usual self the moment they touched down.
She was incredibly confused.
Both Subaru and Roswaal understood this. As if everything was normal, Subaru gave her a quick yet somewhat-understandable explanation, his time already short as it is leaving him little room for lengthy talks.
"There's a huge problem in Arlam," he began, glancing over his shoulder, noticing Roswaal keenly inspecting the surrounding woodland from where he stood.
"Hundreds will die if we don't intervene,"
"How…do you know this," Emilia responded, his words only fogging her mind and thoughts further. She was feeling better already, however what he was saying made very little sense. It was as if they had been apart for days, and it left Emilia feeling extremely uncomfortable.
Subaru was prepared for her questions, and gave his response sharply, more conscious about the time than about her wellbeing.
"I do not truly know myself, I just know something is going to happen. I need you to have confidence in me,"
"Even I do not know much," Roswaal chimed in, intended to reassure Emilia and back up Subaru's lacklustre explanation, yet it again only clouded her mind even more.
The girl stood silently, unsure how to proceed. She wasn't going to be unnecessarily awkward, however being in the dark worried her.
It was just something she hated. She felt blind.
"I don't like secrets, Subaru," she said softly, "and I don't much like broken promises, either,"
Subaru nodded, understanding his position was not one of much leverage, also understanding just how much he was asking from his female companion. It was too much to ask of anyone, both Emilia and Roswaal had no obligation to be here, yet he knew they cared enough to come past that.
They were his only plan, he genuinely had no other options but Roswaal and Emilia.
"Subaru-kun, we should get moooving," Roswaal said, his expression both of concern and deep interest.
He genuinely didn't know very much at all; the only information he was playing with was that something had gone terribly wrong, and knowing Subaru this could either be a catastrophe or a complete non-issue.
Subaru nodded, reestablishing his eye contact with Emilia, making her one quick promise.
"I will try my best to explain everything to you when it is safe for me to do so,"
"Promise me, Subaru. Say the words to me, please,"
"I promise you Emilia, you can trust me."
Subaru really didn't want to make promises, for even he knew little about the circumstances, and what he did know was bound behind the lock of a horror he didn't understand.
Subaru was playing on the hopes that his companions would be a little too understanding, a hope that was rather unreasonable given the circumstances.
Even if the problem was rapidly dealt with and casualties kept to a minimum, Subaru would be naturally dealt questions he was not equipped to answer.
His story was just not credible, and the excuse 'I cannot tell you' would do little other than rouse the suspicion of Roswaal, Emilia, and anyone else who would require an explanation further.
The trio made haste across the forest track.
Roswaal had descended past the main checkpoint to the village, but not in the village itself, for good reason. He knew the checkpoint guard well, and he wasn't a particularly pleasant man, employed in his role to keep him away from the main village itself without the hassle of exiling him. Time was of the essence, and he knew full well that they couldn't afford five minutes of questioning and nonsense.
Furthermore, should Suabru's calamity be running rampant, he wanted as much of an advantage as he could get. Being able to sneak into the village undetected gave them a significant advantage, and it also meant the children had an escape route if things proved too much for Roswaal to handle tidily.
After a very short while the trees cleared, opening up into what seemed to be an inconspicuous little village. Subaru, of course, was familiar with the sight, yet Emilia was less so.
They were here earlier than they had been previously, a good thirty minutes earlier, in fact. This gave Subaru some confidence, of which he had been sorely lacking.
Roswaal was confident in his steps as he led the group into the village, yet his head remained on a swivel, his sharp eyes scanning diligently. This was his territory, he refused to let someone walk in and terrorise it under his watch.
It didn't take him long, however, for those eyes to fall upon something in which he could have never anticipated, not even for a moment.
His heart dropped. Planting his feet firmly into the ground, he spread his arms, preventing the two children from advancing any further. Confidence drained into hesitation, and then into doubt, and he didn't even attempt to hide it.
He genuinely wasn't able to.
It didn't take Subaru long to spot the cause of Roswaal's sudden distress, either. The Margrave's firm gaze was fixated intently on one very specific target, one clearly of great familiarity to both individuals.
Exiting a small single-story house was a small figure, sickly and infirm beneath the long black cloak that draped loosely over her gaunt shoulders. Her pallid yellow eyes–once perhaps golden and authoritative bore little life, her stale expression one of debility and exhaustion.
Her head drowned in a curtain of raggedy, faded pink hair, most of which sprawled in a mess down past her backside. She was, to Roswaal at least, in a bad way–her pale and lifeless skin unsettling him deeply.
Despite this, there was absolutely no doubt in his mind as to who this individual was.
It was perhaps Roswaal's single greatest foe–the physical embodiment of what may well have been his greatest misplay, his most gutting mistake.
His heterochromic eyes focused with great intent, refusing to waver for even a moment in genuine fear and confusion.
He remained unmoved, half in disbelief, half in fear.
It wasn't fear in the traditional sense, mind. He wasn't scared of her ability to end his life or cause great damage to the things he held dear, though they were certainly factors he still had to consider…no, his fear stemmed mostly from his incredulity.
She shouldn't be here. This just wasn't right.
Roswaal was a calm individual; there was very little in the world that had the ability to unsettle him.
This was a rare exception.
His mind desperately sought an answer, and when nothing came up, he grew increasingly panicked.
His eyes rapidly scanned the area without any method to the madness, his frantic thoughts preventing him from using any real logic. He had to get the half-elves away from her immediately, then he could deal with her.
This was Subaru's problem.
It took him a while to realise that.
Roswaal understood instantly why the child was so desperate now, and he couldn't help but wish he was more specific when explaining the situation to him. This entire situation would have been so much simpler if he didn't have to factor Subaru and Emilia into his strategy.
"You need to leave. This place is no longer safe for you, go back to the mansion, I will rejoin you once all is well."
Roswaal's instructions were firm and clear. His eyes never once left the girl, who had now begun working on the lock of the door on another bungalow-like house.
"But…no, I understand," Subaru said, beginning to object for a reason he couldn't quite place, before quickly coming to his senses. This is what he wanted–Roswaal was capable of dealing with things quickly and safely; neither he nor Emilia had any business being anywhere near this mess.
"Who is she?" Emilia said, ignoring Roswaal's orders, demanding answers. She was fed up, and her tone reflected that.
"Someone that you should not concern yourself with at the moment," Roswaal retorted, losing patience rapidly, Emilia's question the last thing he wanted to answer.
"Clearly things are wrong," she said, "I'd like you to tell me who that girl is,"
"As I said, you shouldn't concern yourself with that at the moment-"
"I think it's quite a significant piece of information to leave out,"
Emilia moved to face Roswaal.
"Subaru, you clearly know more than I do, and you promised me no secrets,"
Her tone was harsh and demanding, something she was not proud of, but made no effort to correct. She was upset, being treated like she was incapable of handling anything remotely complex rubbed her the wrong way, and they were both clearly trying to 'protect' her.
"All I know is that she's dangerous, I promise you that Lia," Subaru responded sincerely, genuinely not knowing much more. He too wished Roswaal would explain himself–such fear is something he had never seen from the Margrave before in the short few years of their acquaintance–but he also understood the severity of the situation.
They had to be moving as soon as possible, lest more lives be lost. She was in the process methodically executing entire households from what Subaru had gathered; Roswaal needed them both safe, and he didn't want to put them in the crossfire. They would be of no help in any way, less so if they were both dead.
Emilia was not immediately convinced, however.
"That is all you have been saying, I don't care that she is 'dangerous', I want to know why you're refusing to tell me who she is," Emilia snapped, caring little about her manners and tone of voice, her tolerance for being treated like a fool now completely gone.
She looked at Subaru intently, her bottom lip gently quivering.
"Why wont you tell me, Subaru,"
"I don't have anything to tell you,"
"Liar."
Emilia shouted. Not massively loud, not in an aggressive way, but the sadness and distress within her needed a method of escape, and raising her voice seemed to be that way.
Subaru recognised quickly that he had little room to be upset himself, and rather maturely decided to stay quiet, waiting for the young girl to finish.
Roswaal, however, was less patient.
"Go, now." He said sharply, manoeuvring himself in front of the pair as he had done before.
This was for a different reason now, much to his own distress, for the scraggly girl clad all in black was now staring quite intently at the tall Court Mage of Lugunica.
He knew he could deal with her, but he was less certain he could comfortably keep both children safe whilst doing so.
"Subaru, take her now," he begged in desperation, "We have no more time, go this instant."
Subaru obliged, firmly grabbing Emilia's little hands in his own, much more forcefully than felt comfortable. This wasn't the time to be worried about those things, however, and he didn't.
"I'm sorry Lia, I wish I could explain." he said apologetically, dragging her back up the forest track as fast as he possibly could. Her little legs couldn't really keep up as they were, forcing Emilia to break out into a run to keep up with Subaru, who was now beginning to run himself.
"S-Subaru, wait, no this isn't fair-"
"Emilia you really need to cooperate,"
"All I've done is cooperate, stop treating me like I'm incapable of handling things by myself," she retorted firmly.
Subaru agreed, quite firmly in fact. He wanted them to be equals, but this was not reinforcing that, it was far from it actually.
"If I could tell you everything I would,"
"Then just…just do it already. Stop thinking I can't handle the truth Subaru," she said, her face heating up as she yelled her grievances. Tears welled in her eyes.
Subaru wracked his brain for a suitable answer, yet only the same weak nonsense surfaced.
He wanted to tell her so badly it hurt, yet he just couldn't. He wasn't allowed.
He was hurting the one person he treasured the most in the world in a way that was just unacceptable to him, and yet the only thing he could do was make pathetic excuses again and again and again.
Then Emilia's foot hit an exposed tree root, and the entire world just seemed to come to a standstill.
She sobbed, face in the dirt, all hope of keeping herself together gone. Subaru was expecting far too much of her, and she just couldn't handle it. She was so strong, so brave, but she wasn't invincible. Something had to break–there was only so much time being kept in the dark she could bear before she cracked.
It just wasn't what their relationship was.
They were one. Ever since the day she first laid eyes upon his sleeping body, she knew they had to look out for each other or nobody else would. They really didn't have much else other than each other, and their entire relationship was constructed upon the foundations of open honesty and complete truthfulness.
This entire situation completely spat in the face of that, and it was beginning to show its effects on both individuals.
Subaru quickly bent down, taking Emilia underneath her arms, pulling her into a hug. She took no time at all to bury her face into his neck, sniffing and crying unashamedly.
Subaru stroked her hair gently as he assisted her in getting back on her feet, refusing to break their embrace in the process. Her hands groped desperately at his shirt as if scared he would let her go too soon, tears still freely flowing from her eyes, her exhausted mind no longer caring.
Subaru was in less of a rush now that they were at least a few hundred metres from where Roswaal was now assumedly dealing with the intruder.
He took his time, whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she tried to choke back her tears at least a little. His hands remained busy in her hair, a feeling she truly adored, and that alone seemed to calm her just a little.
"Now now," he whispered, his voice soothing and medicinal to her aching soul, "I promised you I'd explain things as best as I could,"
"B-But you d-didn't," she whimpered, wanting desperately for everything just to go back to how they had been.
How a picnic turned into her worst nightmare, she had no idea.
"When we get back to the mansion, I will try and explain everything as best as I can," he said as confidently as he possibly could, "I…I can't explain everything, but I'll try my best,"
Emilia remained quiet for a while, clinging to him firmly, but her sobs faded into sniffs, and then into silence.
"Okay…I trust you. I just want to go home now,"
"Me too," he replied, hoping Roswaal would be able to join them shortly. He badly needed to sit down and try iron things out with his benefactor; Subaru knew very little about the mysterious girl, whereas Roswaal seemed intimately familiar with her, and not in a particularly nice way either.
He was relieved that Roswaal seemed to acknowledge her as a threat, at least. It gave him a little bit of confidence in his decision to seek his help, and eased the wound on his pride and ego about his inability to protect himself and Emilia from her.
The pair eventually pried themselves away from their shared embrace, realising it was probably for the best if they hurried on and got home to safety. The forest felt much cooler than usual, yet the air was flat and windless.
A chill ran up Subaru's spine as he stared down the track back to the mansion.
Taking Emilia's hand back into his own, the pair set off with intent, not wanting to linger for longer than was necessary. Much as Roswaal had done before, Subaru made a conscious effort to keep his head on a swivel, trying his best to be observant without losing focus on the bigger picture.
The checkpoint came into view after a few short minutes. They planned as they walked, quickly deciding to just keep their heads down and not stop walking no matter what. They were leaving, not entering, so no rules were being broken, and it would avoid a potentially massive farce.
They unlinked their hands as they walked past the small shack, covered their pointed ears with their long hair, and walked as fast as they could without looking extra suspicious, not stopping until they were comfortably out of view.
After a few nerve wracking moments, Subaru glanced back over his shoulder.
They were in the clear. Nobody was following them, nobody had even said a word as they passed.
"Perfect," Subaru said, "I don't think that could have gone much smooth-"
Subaru, still glancing over his shoulder, bumped harshly into the suddenly stationary Emilia.
"Hey, Lia, what's the deal?"
She was silent, staring dead on, her face frozen in horror.
"Emilia? What gives?" he pressed, confused as to her sudden strange behaviour. He didn't know if she was playing with him, or if something was genuinely wrong, but he wasn't a fan of this given the situation.
However, he needn't worry for much longer.
Subaru looked ahead and down the winding forest track. He was more curious than afraid, simply wondering what had gotten Emilia so worked up, yet before his eyes fell upon the answer to his question, the lights went out in his head, and he hit the ground hard.
Shaggy blonde hair, almost golden in colour, no longer than shoulder length.
Carmine eyes, shallow and evil, seeming to shine a foul glow in the forest shade.
A slender form clad in little but a bikini, petite yet not juvenile, lean yet not skinny.
It eyed Emilia keenly.
She daren't move, tracking it with her eyes alone, fearing any movement would lead to an undesirable consequence.
She watched on in horror as it inspected her with great intent.
And then she too hit the ground as darkness overcame her mind.
Notes:
I have made some minor changed to chapter 1 of this story. There are no narrative changes, simply improvements to how to is written. I will try do this for most of the earlier chapters so they meet the standard of my current work.