It had gotten late before I'd finally decided to leave Jessica's and head home. We'd found Malcolm in his own apartment and Jessica had confronted him about Kilgrave. Eventually she'd dragged him back to her apartment and handcuffed him in her bathroom with his drugs just within reach, giving him the choice to get clean and help us or maintain his addiction. She was banking on him getting clean and suffering through the withdrawals and I was hoping she knew him well enough to be right–though I certainly protested her methods. All I wanted to do now was get home and process the day.
I pushed open the door of Jessica's apartment building and tugged my jacket tighter around me before stuffing my hands into the pockets to keep them warm. I had a couple blocks of a walk back and it was cold now that it was so late.
"I thought I might run into you here, little dove," a voice called from across the street.
I stopped in my tracks, freezing on the spot at the familiar voice. My blood ran cold instantly. Slowly, my head turned to spot him standing there with a sly grin on his face. I shivered involuntarily at his voice, taking a step back as he began to cross the street towards me.
"Sufentanil? That was clever. Very clever." He cocked his head to the side curiously. "Was it you or Jessica who figured that one out?"
Trying to keep my breathing even, I stared him down. It had been years since I last saw him– really saw him, because I'd tried to avoid looking at him much earlier today–but he looked almost exactly the same. The same dark, calculated stare in his eyes and the same twisted quirk of his lips–always amused at something only he understood. My hands balled into fists in my pockets as I tried to control my voice.
"What do you want, Kilgrave?" I growled, fighting the fear that was growing inside me.
"Well now, little dove, I know it's been years since we saw each other last but I know you're smarter than that," he said, his thick British accent curling over each word. He grinned as he crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes slowly drifting up and down my body; I cringed under his gaze. "My you've grown up. More beautiful than I remember."
"Stop," I snapped at him.
His eyes slid back up to my face and he smiled, his teeth flashing white in the dark around us.
"Just paying you a compliment, little dove," he teased lightly.
"Keep it to yourself," I shot at him.
One of his dark brows rose, the amused smile still on his face. He took a step closer to me, which only caused me to step back again.
"There was a time you enjoyed my compliments," he mused.
"Don't flatter yourself," I snapped, "you took advantage of me. I was young and scared. Alone. You used me. Violated me."
"Don't you dare," he growled, one finger pointing firmly at me. His mouth tore back into a sneer, his eyes narrowing. "I saved you. I gave you your freedom. I gave you love. I gave you everything ." His eyes closed, jaw snapping shut as he worked to calm himself. A moment later his eyes opened again and he exhaled a steadying breath. "I understood you–I'm the only one who understands you, little dove." His expression softened as he took another step forward. "We are the same."
"We are nothing alike," I roared back.
A sound of metal creaking caught both of our attention and we turned towards the noise. I thought I saw a shadow moving along the rooftop nearby but it disappeared before I could be sure. When I turned back, I noticed Kilgrave had moved even closer to me.
"Don't you get it?" he said, his voice gentle. "No one else will ever understand who you are and what you can do. No one else will understand your past–your pain."
He reached a hand out, as if to brush against my cheek, and I winced in the anticipation of his touch. Before he could reach me, a muffled thud came from beside us. I jumped back, startled. Kilgrave slowly lowered his arm to his side, a look of bored annoyance on his face.
"Don't you have a mugger you could be pummeling?" he quipped at the dark figure.
The shadow approached and stepped into the dim streetlight. Surprise shook me as the man in the mask stood there, covered entirely in black. The thin fabric on his body clung so tight it revealed every inch of thick muscle on his body. My brows creased in confusion; why was he here?
Fear started to twist in my stomach next; I knew Kilgrave wouldn't be afraid of him, he'd simply make the man kill himself or turn himself in to the police. This guy didn't stand a chance.
"Leave the woman alone," the man in the mask ordered, his voice low and gravely.
Kilgrave raised his eyebrows in surprise and then barked out a loud laugh. He turned to me, pointing an amused finger at the vigilante.
"Can you believe the nerve on this one?" he mused. "Ordering me around?"
He shook his head, still smiling for a moment, but I knew what was coming. In a split second, the amusement contorted to anger, twisting his features.
"You have some nerve to show up here," Kilgrave growled, his tone dark and dangerous. "Here I am, trying to declare my love for the woman I've missed for years and you decide you should stick your nose where it doesn't belong."
"From where I'm standing, it doesn't seem she wants to talk to you," the man in black replied, his body straightening as he towered above Kilgrave, muscles in his arms rippling beneath the black fabric as he prepared for a fight. "I think–"
"Oh, shut up," Kilgrave snapped, cutting the man off. He ran a hand over his mouth as he eyed the vigilante who had abruptly quieted at the command. "I should make you…kill an old lady or something. See if they still call you a hero," he mused lightly.
"Stop it," I begged him. "Leave him alone."
Kilgrave's eyes slid over to me, taking me in. After a moment, they narrowed and darted back to the man.
"Why are you here?" he questioned the vigilante.
"To protect her from you," the man in the mask quickly responded.
Kilgrave shook his head slowly at the man. "No…no that's not it. No crime has been committed here. I mean no harm to her. I've made no threats," he thought aloud. "You have no reason to be here. Not with the way you work."
He rubbed a hand across his jaw, eyes downcast as his mind raced. His words were running through my head now. Why would he be here? Kilgrave was right, this guy went after criminals and muggers, human traffickers and mobsters. Why was he here , right now?
Slowly, the hand rubbing his jaw stopped. I watched the muscles tense up along Kilgrave's body as a deep growl came from within him. His eyes rose venomously to the masked man, his lips curled back in a snarl.
"You know her," he snapped angrily. "Right? Answer me !"
"Yes," the man in the mask immediately answered.
Rage contorted Kilgrave's features as his eyes briefly flicked between the man and myself. My mind was racing at the confession as well. I'd never encountered the vigilante before, how would he know me?
"And you…" Kilgrave began again, pausing for a moment, eyes closed as he spat the words out like it cut his mouth to say it, " care for her, yes? That's why you're here?"
"Yes," came the man's pained reply.
My eyes widened at the information, surprise covering my features. Kilgrave's head snapped in my direction, pure fury and jealousy on his face.
"Oh little dove," he shot at me, "how could you possibly try to…to replace me? I love you!" he growled. "I gave you everything !"
"Stop it," I begged him again, voice wavering. "Just go! Leave whoever this is alone!"
Kilgrave laughed humorlessly, throwing his head up towards the night sky. "You don't know who it is?" he questioned in amused disbelief as he landed his attention back on me. Shaking his head, he rounded on the man. "Should order you to cut your heart out and give it to her." He glanced back at me, dark eyes glinting dangerously. "You know I could."
My jaw clenched at his words, fists tightening even more at my sides.
"And maybe I will," he considered as he turned his attention back to the masked man. "But maybe let's see who you are first, hmm? Take off the mask."
The man in the mask's mouth twitched downwards, his head briefly tilting towards me as his hands slowly rose towards his mask. A thought struck me hard in that moment–that mouth and that tilt of the head, those thick muscles and the bit of brown hair peeking out from under the tie of his mask.
There weren't that many people in this city that knew me.
No, it can't possibly be…
A familiar tingling vibration began at my temples, slowly buzzing behind my eyelids as I gave in to my fear and anger.
"Stop," my voice commanded, the sound almost metallic and not quite like my normal tone.
The masked man's hands paused, his fingers brushing the edge of the fabric just covering his nose. After a moment, he quickly dropped his hands, head shaking a bit as if he could shake my voice from his mind.
"There she is…" Kilgrave grinned, catching my eyes. "Hello, Wraith. You don't get let loose enough, do you? Always hiding behind your desire to be normal ." He tapped his cheek, just below his eye. "Always thought they were prettier like that, all white and faintly glowing. Pure as a dove." He smiled affectionately at me now, a warmth that looked misplaced on his face. " My little dove."
I bared my teeth at his pet name for me, a rumble of rage growing in my chest. From where I stood, I could feel how weak he was after the Sufentanil attack. He was still recovering from it, I could feel the difference in his mind without making much effort. The mental wall that was usually protecting him was broken wide open at the moment.
"You're still weak," I growled at him, mouth curling into a threatening smile as I watched his expression shift, all amusement gone. "Risky to come after me like that, Kilgrave. You know better."
"You'd have killed me by now if you'd wanted to," he pointed out, though he didn't sound entirely too convinced of it.
"Maybe…" I answered slowly. "But for now–" I drew in a breath, head cocked to the side, eyes narrowing a little as I trapped his gaze in my own. I fought back the disgust welling inside me as I stared him down, my voice coming out sharp and vibrating through the air as I spoke, "You're going to forget what happened here tonight, Kilgrave. You won't remember running into me and you will forget seeing the man in the mask–and you won't go looking for him." Kilgrave stared back at me, eyes slightly glazed over as he listened. "You're going to go back to wherever you were before coming here and forget you'd even left. Now ."
Kilgrave turned on his heel, wordlessly leaving down the sidewalk without a second thought. I watched quietly until he was out of view before my shoulders slumped, fatigue taking over. The vibrating in my skull and behind my eyes dulled and then dissipated.
"You're bleeding," the man in the mask's tight voice said, breaking the silence.
I raised a hand, dabbing under my nose. Sure enough there was blood on my fingers when I pulled my hand back.
"All this time," I said slowly, wiping the blood onto my pants as I looked over at the man, all dark and tensed, "and it was… you ?"
A dark smile pulled at his lips, everything else still covered by the black mask. "Seems I'm not the only one with a secret," he answered, betrayal in his voice.
I winced at his words. The man in the mask turned towards me, taking a few steps closer. Instinctively I stepped back, looking up at his broad frame and the harsh line of his lips. His head tilted toward me as his nose flared–angry, he was angry.
"We need to talk," he told me. "I need to know if I can trust you with my secret. Need to make sure you're not a threat."
It felt like he'd punched me in the gut, all the breath in my lungs slipping out of my mouth as my jaw dropped. He thought I was a…threat?
"No one else will ever understand who you are and what you can do."
Kilgrave's words raced through my mind and I swallowed hard.
"We can talk at your apartment," the man in the mask ordered.
My hands began to shake with a mixture of hurt and anger at his words and his distant tone. I watched as he slipped back into the shadows, disappearing from my view. I could hear him climbing up a fire escape, the metal clunking lightly under his weight. A moment later I saw him leaning over the edge of the roof of the building in front of me, his mouth a tight line under the yellow streetlight.
"Now, Olivia," he barked.
I grimaced, stuffing my hands into my jacket pockets, balling them into fists. I began walking back to my apartment building, anger boiling under my skin. I had gone two blocks before a sound caught my ear and I paused, looking up. The dark figure on the roof paused in a crouch, staring back down at me.
Jesus, does he not trust me to not hurt someone on my way home?
I exhaled a sharp breath from my nose along with a noise of irritation low in my throat. I turned, continuing forward and letting my hair fall forward as I walked, trying to hide the anger and pain on my face behind the curtain of hair.
I lost sight of him once I reached our building. With a grunt, I opened the lobby doors and made my way inside and headed straight for the elevators. I jammed my finger into the call button, turning and heading into the one closest to me when its doors opened. I roughly pushed the button for the sixth floor before shoving my hands in my pockets again. As the doors slid shut, a choked sob forced its way up my throat. I bit my lip hard, forcing the emotion back as the elevator began its ascent.
It was a few minutes later before I was slipping out of my boots in my apartment, tossing my keys on the console table. Hesitantly I made my way into my living room, flipping on the lights as I went. I was half expecting to find him on my couch, waiting in the dark when I'd showed up. My apartment was empty, though.
I sighed, sliding the jacket off of me and tossing it on the back of the couch. I rubbed a tired hand across my eyes; it had been a very long day. When I turned towards the kitchen, I jumped. Crouched outside the window on the fire escape was the man in the mask, one finger lightly rapping against the window now.
I frowned and made my way over, sliding the glass up and stepping aside. He slipped inside easily, as if climbing through sixth floor windows was normal for him. With an annoyed huff I shut the window behind him, sealing the apartment against the cold chill he'd brought in with him.
Crossing my arms, I turned towards him. He was standing in the middle of my living room, his face turned intentionally away from me.
"Take off the mask," I told him.
His head tilted towards me when I spoke, the corner of his lip tugging down at my words.
"Not going to force me?" he questioned.
My jaw clenched at the implication of his words.
"You don't get to be the only one angry here," I shot at him. "You've been hiding things, too. At least I told you last night I wasn't who you thought I was. I told you I wasn't…wasn't normal. But you?" I shook my head with a snort. "Are you even blind? Or is that just a cover? Is anything about you real?" I pinched the bridge of my nose, anger burning inside me. "I let you in my damn apartment, trusted you!"
He winced at the words as they left my mouth, shoulders slumping a bit.
"Take off the fucking mask," I snapped. "I can't talk to a piece of goddamned fabric!"
Slowly his hand rose and pulled the cloth from his head, revealing a slightly disheveled Matt. His brows were knitted together, sweat slightly glistening on his forehead, just under his mussed brown hair. The cut on his forehead was bleeding. He swallowed hard, his eyes on the floor at my feet.
"I am blind," he said softly. "That wasn't a lie."
I narrowed my eyes at him in disbelief. "Then how the hell can you…" I waved my hand in the air, "do all the things that you–the man in the mask–can do?"
"Why don't you tell me what you've been hiding?" he shot back.
"No," I said firmly, shaking my head. "No, you're going to tell me everything if you want my secrets. I can't just trust them with anyone."
He let out an unamused huff. "Suppose you could just make me."
"Stop," I said, breathless. "That's not…that's not fair, Matt. I'm not like him. What I did was to protect you." I exhaled slowly for a moment, gathering myself. "Tell me what you're hiding, all of it, honestly, and I'll answer anything you want to know. I promise."
His unseeing eyes narrowed at me, landing just at my chin. The mask in his hand crumpled under the tight grip of his fist. I saw his chest rising and falling; I watched as he tried to calm down.
"I can hear your heartbeat," he told me after a moment, one hand gesturing towards me. "I can tell if you're lying."
I straightened, hugging myself tighter with my arms. His head tilted towards me, his eyes dropping towards my chest. I felt that familiar prickle along my skin, the one I felt when it seemed like he was intensely focused on me.
"Tell me your secret and I promise to answer all of your questions honestly," I told him again.
It was a few seconds before he gave a single nod in response. He dropped down onto my couch, running his hands through his hair a few times.
"You may want to sit," he told me.
Hesitantly, I made my way towards the opposite end of my couch, curling up with my back against the arm rest so I could face him fully.
"I am blind," he said again, his eyes focused on the space between us on the couch, intentionally not on me once again. "I lost my sight in an accident like I mentioned before. I saved a man from getting hit by a truck carrying chemicals. The chemicals spilled–they're what blinded me. Somehow they enhanced my other senses." His lips twitched in a sad smile. "There's more than one way to see."
"So…you can see?" I asked him slowly.
"In a way," he answered. "I use my other senses to paint an image of my surroundings. I can hear the shift in molecules to know where someone is or maybe a gesture they're making with their hands."
"Or if they're about to punch you," I mumbled under my breath.
Matt sent me a small smile. "Or that. I can hear heartbeats; I can tell if someone is lying or if they're about to attack. I can smell things no one should normally be able to smell."
My fingers fiddled with a pillow beside me. "Like last night–the peanut butter in my hair? The perfume I used?"
He nodded. "Or the smell of a chemical on you now. Faint. Sufentanil, I'm assuming."
I frowned, glancing at him. "Yes."
"I can taste things in the air, too," he continued. "The tang of someone's fear. The coppery taste of blood. And my touch can be…more sensitive. I can feel the change of someone's temperature on their skin. I…use silk sheets because cotton feels like sandpaper on my own."
"So all of that combined helps you see?" I asked him curiously, my anger currently forgotten as I listened to him speak. "What's that look like?"
He slid back onto my couch, laying his head along the backrest. "Like a world on fire."
I twirled the corner of the pillow between my fingers absently, brows knitting together at his words. "That sounds awful." Matt only hummed a noise of agreement. "So where'd you…learn to fight like that? Parkour around the city? That from the chemicals, too?"
"No," he answered. "No, that came from…a sort of mentor of mine." He exhaled slowly, his eyes fluttering closed. "My father he…died when I was young. He was an amazing boxer."
I could instantly hear the admiration in his voice as he spoke about his dad. I relaxed, listening to him speak as my head rested against the back of the couch too, my eyes focused on Matt at the opposite end.
"He refused to throw a boxing match–because of me. It…it led to him being killed," he continued after a moment. "I was then sent to live at Saint Agnes Orphanage. My…senses began to heighten so much I became overwhelmed. The nuns had no idea what was going on, but eventually they located a man named Stick who they'd heard of working with special children before."
"So a man named Stick taught you to fight like that?" I asked him skeptically.
His mouth twitched into a brief grin. "Yes, I know how it sounds."
"And then you what…thought you'd become a superhero? Beat up bad guys?" I asked.
Matt was quiet for a long moment, his eyes opening as they stared blankly at the ceiling of my living room. When he spoke again, his voice was quieter than before, causing me to have to lean in a bit to hear him better.
"It was after Foggy and I got our internship at Landman and Zack," he told me. "I could…I could hear the people of Hell's Kitchen. Their pain, their cries for help. No one coming to help them." His tongue darted out across his lips as he paused, eyes still on the ceiling as he recounted a memory in his mind. "I could hear a young girl from her apartment. And her dad. At night when her mother was asleep…he'd go to her room."
I looked away roughly, eyes burning with tears. "You heard it?"
"Yes," he admitted quietly. "I tried not to but I couldn't block it out. I went through the proper channels; I contacted CPS. But nothing happened because the girl's mother wouldn't believe it." He swallowed hard, his eyes slowly falling from the ceiling as he turned his head in my direction, his eyes landing almost exactly on mine. "So one night, after I'd learned his schedule, I followed him home. He was wasted, completely pissed on booze. And I just…beat the shit out of him for what he'd done. Told him if he touched his daughter again I'd come back for him."
"And he stopped?" I asked him, breathless.
"As far as I know," Matt answered.
"Shit…I can't…I can't imagine hearing all of what you must hear, all of the time…that's…" my voice trailed off as I shook my head. "I can't even begin to imagine."
"So that's why I do what I do," he told me. "For the people of Hell's Kitchen– my city. To keep them safe. To protect them when the cops fail."
I took a moment to take in what he'd told me, tucking loose hair behind my ear. A thought suddenly struck me and my eyes widened, darting back to Matt.
"Wait so you were the one on the news?" I questioned him quickly. "The one who saved that boy the Russians kidnapped?"
"Yes," Matt answered, pushing himself upright on the couch suddenly. "Which also reminds me–that was the night Foggy and Karen came to my apartment looking for me. To stay out all night. And they found you instead."
"Yeah," I agreed. "Because you were out on a…" I paused and then cocked my head to the side, eyeing him. "You weren't out on a date, were you? You were out saving that boy?"
A sheepish smile crossed Matt's lips as he nodded at me.
"I told you, I'm not like that," Matt pointed out. "I gained attention from women a lot in college. And…I enjoyed the attention then. I was young," he told me with a shrug. "But that didn't last long. And I just continued to let Foggy see what he wanted to; it was helpful as a cover for why Matt Murdock was always busy. So, yeah, I occasionally flirted in front of Foggy to keep up the pretense."
My eyes narrowed immediately. "So I was just a cover for you?"
"What?" Matt asked in shock. "No! No, not at all. Not even close. I genuinely like you. I tried hard not to, because being close to me isn't safe and because I had this huge secret, but I…I couldn't help it. From the moment you moved in across the hall over a week ago, I've been…drawn to your presence." He swallowed hard before continuing. "There's just something…calming about being near you. Almost like I can…tune out everything else. Something I've never been able to do before." His eyes darted down to the couch, looking away from me now as his brows knitted together. "That's why you didn't want to be anything more than friends with me, isn't it? Your…abilities? And your mind-controlling ex?"
A bitter laugh ripped through me at his words. "That's putting it lightly."
His eyes found their way back to me again, a pleading look in them. "So tell me. Tell me everything. I want to understand."
I sighed slowly, running a hand through my hair. I promised him I would tell him the truth, whatever he wanted. But where did I even begin?
"I don't really know where to start," I admitted. "So I suppose I'll start at the beginning. It's not a…a pleasant story."
Matt only nodded solemnly in response, waiting for me to continue.
"I don't know who my parents are," I began, "or if they're still alive. I don't have any names to even find them by. I don't even know if they'd given me a name. Olivia Allen is a name I picked out when I…started over," I admitted, fingers fidgeting with the sleeves of my sweatshirt. "For as long as I can remember, I lived in a place I'd always called The Facility. My room was a glass cage, eight feet by eight feet. Nothing but a small, uncomfortable bed in there and blinding white lights. If I wanted a bathroom I had to ask permission. I was fed three times a day, only nutritional meals, at seven, noon, and six at night. Every day. Like clockwork." I glanced down at the space between us on the couch now, fighting to keep my control. "I don't know why I was there, I don't know when I'd first gotten there. All I know is, I had been there for as far back as I can remember."
I paused, running my hands nervously through my hair as the images of Barlowe and Whitlock flashed before my mind's eye. I shivered, shoving the memories back.
"When I was young," I continued, "all they did was teach me normal educational things–reading, writing, math, some basic history–between teaching me how to fight."
"How to fight?" Matt cut in curiously.
I nodded, wondering if he could 'see' the gesture. "Hand-to-hand combat in multiple different techniques mainly, but there were guns and target practice," I explained with a shrug. "I'm not entirely sure why. And in between that? I was forced to do different physical activities to stay in shape; sprints, obstacle courses, weight training."
I grimaced at the memory of when things changed, when the focus on education became lesser to the focus on my…abilities.
"When I was maybe thirteen everything changed. They…" I paused, nervously fiddling faster with my sweatshirt sleeves. "They sterilized me and then they started to…experiment on me." I saw Matt's muscles tense up at the information. "Something in me changed, I'm not entirely sure what–if it was me or something they'd…done to me–but they started making me…do things…with my mind." I swallowed hard, staring down at my fidgeting hands. "Lift heavy objects, like cars," I explained. "Or try to mind control others. Force illusions into people's minds to make them see things that weren't real." My palms began to sweat now; memories of that leather chair with the restraints came to the surface and my eyes closed tight. "And they started to inject me with some strange orange serum, shortly before they…they started to do shock tests on me."
"They did what?" Matt growled.
"They would inject me with some orange serum and strap me into a chair on my back. I couldn't move," I told him, my voice suddenly quiet. "And they'd attach these electrodes to my…my head and…" I winced, unable to continue. "It hurt. Horribly. But they wouldn't stop. They'd just put a gag in my mouth so I wouldn't bite off my tongue and tell me to make the pain stop myself as they continued. Just…torturing me over and over."
Tears stung behind my tightly clamped eyelids; the memory of screaming my throat raw and being ignored rushed back. The memory of sharp cuts from where the restraints would bite into my skin had my hands rubbing absently across my wrists now.
"They tortured a child ?" he snapped angrily, no longer sitting relaxed against the back of the couch but tensed upright.
"Yes," I answered him slowly. "Because I have abilities. My mind is capable of things no one's mind should be capable of." I took a shaky breath as Matt scooted closer towards me, his hand slowly seeking out my own. I reached out and grabbed it, holding it gently. "I'm telekinetic–I can move things with my mind. I've never tried anything larger than a truck before because it's quite draining and when I left The Facility, I had no interest in using those abilities. And I can cast illusions in people's mind; it sort of works like the…the mind control thing you experienced earlier," I told him awkwardly. "I can heal minor injuries or illnesses. And I have a sort of psychic block in my mind," I told him, gently placing a hand against my temple. "It keeps Kilgrave out. Eventually I learned how to keep the…the electrical shocks of their test out for brief periods of time."
"So this Kilgrave," Matt began, "I overheard him saying he saved you?"
"He did," I told him slowly.
My hand not clasped in his nervously fiddled with the edge of the couch cushion at this part of my story. I didn't like to think about my time with Kilgrave. As my heart rate increased, I became further self-conscious knowing that Matt could hear it.
"He must have mind-controlled his way into The Facility," I continued anxiously. "I don't know why exactly he chose me, I had briefly seen other kids there–there was one I…'socialized' with on rare occasions. But he…he killed the scientists assigned to me." I shook my head at my own words. "Actually, he forced them to kill themselves…horribly in front of me. And then he released me, told me he'd taken care of the others who might have looked for me, said he made them forget I existed. Wiped away my information there. Then he…took me in. He never hurt anyone else in front of me for a while after. We just traveled everywhere together." I frowned, focusing on our interlocked fingers. "He made people give us food and places to stay, but I'd never seen him be cruel. I ignored my conscience about how wrong it all was because I was free, for the first time in my entire life." I paused for a moment, uncomfortable with what I had to admit next. "After traveling together for seven months I…I thought I felt something for him." Matt's hand tightened around mine at the confession. "We were…together for about four months. I was only eighteen and he was a few years older. I saw nothing wrong with it until he started asking me to use my powers."
"To do what?" Matt asked quietly.
"He wanted to steal things from museums–for fun, he said," I told him. "Wanted me to force mental illusions on the security guards and I refused. It felt…wrong. Then he wanted me to mind control others, like he does. Wanted me to get a taste of the power as he called it, but I didn't want that."
"I take it he didn't like that?"
I shook my head, focusing on the way Matt's thumb was absently brushing over the tops of my knuckles. "I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, that I wanted to go off on my own." I let out a sigh, remembering how angry he'd gotten. "And that's when I realized I traded one cage for another. He forced two passing strangers to strangle each other. Told me they'd only stop if I agreed to stay with him. Said he'd kill every last person in the world if I left until it was only him and I left breathing. And he told me it'd be all my fault."
Matt's hand suddenly tightened hard on mine, the pressure keeping me grounded. A deep rumble emitted from his chest, like an enraged growl.
"So I stayed…but he got tired of me not actually wanting to be there," I continued, closing my eyes. "He forced me to take some pill, I don't know what was in it, and it made it so my…my psychic shield in my head no longer worked against him. He told me to do what he wanted, like he did with anyone else. And every twelve hours I'd be forced to take another pill. It went on for four months like that–him forcing the relationship on me, forcing…himself on me," I admitted with a shudder. Another low growl came from Matt at my admission, my eyes opening and focusing off towards the coffee table beside us. "Until one day my abilities started to…overpower whatever drug he gave me. I forced myself to play along so he wouldn't notice until I was strong enough. And I…I mind-controlled him to give me some of his money, so I could start over somewhere else. And to never look for me."
I bit my lip, turning my attention to Matt again. His gaze was somewhere just below my eyes, his own watering and full of emotion at my story.
"I had gone to college in Alaska, somewhere isolated where he hopefully wouldn't think to look. Got a career that allowed me true freedom to disappear when I needed to. But I got lonely, eventually, and thought I'd tried to hide in a big city. I didn't think he'd…be here," I finished lamely.
"So he's obsessed with you because of your shared abilities?" Matt asked, visibly trying to keep his emotions in check.
"That, and we have a similar past," I said with a sigh. "His parents experimented on him as a child. Painfully, or so he told me. He said he felt sympathy for me; a sort of understanding no one else would be able to show me."
"And yet he…he controlled you?" Matt growled. "And he…he raped you?"
I winced, feeling the burn of tears in my eyes. "Yes," I answered, the word barely audible.
Matt was on his feet suddenly, a roar shooting from him as he began to angrily pace like a panther across my living room. My eyes tracked his movements as I curled into myself on the couch. He began to run his hands through his hair, tugging at the strands, his jaw clenching.
"I'm trying to stop him," I called out quietly, my voice causing Matt to stop his pacing, his back facing me as he glanced over his shoulder. "Me and that P.I. I mentioned. He was going after her first initially–that's why Hope Shlottman is in jail. He controlled Hope to run away with him, and then he forced her parents to use Jessica to find their daughter. He'd…he'd mind-controlled Jessica to be with him too. She got away six months ago and he's been looking for her." I hugged my arms around my stomach, my eyes dropping to the floor. "She found me first and we're working together, trying to find a way to prove his abilities and that Hope was forced to kill her parents because of him. Kilgrave didn't know I was even here until today." I swallowed hard. "We were trying to capture him today–it didn't work, as you might have noticed. The Sufentanil knocked him out but he had hired bodyguards. Like…a ridiculous amount of them."
Matt turned slowly, his head tilted as he focused on me. "You were attacked?"
"Yes, but no one was hurt. We're fine. I'm fine," I assured him. "It's just…" I sighed, running a hand through my hair nervously yet again, aware it was probably a mess by now, "it's proving a lot more difficult to get him than we thought. The P.I.-Jessica–she has this cop helping. He's ex-military and has access to a hermetically sealed room at an old CDC building nearby. We were going to try to trap him there and figure out where to go next from there but…shit, he's smart. And he's got a lot of money to hire people to work for him if he loses his ability for a bit."
"I want to help," he said immediately.
"No," I told him, shaking my head sharply as my eyes flew up towards him. "You've seen what he can do. That's nothing. You know how he said he could tell you to cut your heart out? He can. And he would . You're safer staying away from him." I paused, chewing my lip for a moment before adding on, "And me."
In a flash, Matt was stalking across the living room towards me. He was on his knees in front of me before I could blink, his hands resting on the couch on either side of me as he looked up towards me, his blank eyes pleading.
"Don't ask that of me," Matt begged. "I can't stay away, not from you. I don't want to."
"Matt," I whispered his name like a plea, "it's not safe for you to be around me. I keep trying to tell you that."
His head fell forward, his forehead resting against my knee as his eyes closed.
"I'm not leaving you," he breathed out. "You can't ask that of me."
I groaned, burying my face in my hands. "This can't happen, Matt," I warned him. "Not with Kilgrave on the loose. Especially not now that he knows I'm here. He will kill you."
His head lifted from my knee, his eyes trying to meet mine. Gently I reached down, resting a hand against his cheek. He leant into the touch immediately.
"Tell me now," Matt spoke quickly, nuzzling against my hand, "now that we know each other's truths–tell me, do you want this, too?"
My breath caught in my throat at his question. Slowly, my fingers slid down towards his mouth, the stubble on his face scratching the pads of my fingers as I did. Very lightly I skimmed them across his lips, watching the way he shuddered as his eyes closed.
"I've never wanted anything more," I whispered.
Before I knew what was happening, Matt had climbed onto the couch beside me, pulling my face towards his and locking our lips together in a heated, hungry kiss. My hands gripped the sides of his face, greedily pulling him in, wanting to feel all of him against me as my heart beat hard against the confines of my ribcage, and Matt happily obliged, leaning forward with his hands on either side of me, holding himself up just enough not to crush me underneath him.
Dragging my hands down, I clawed and groped at the flimsy black fabric of his clothes, relishing the feel of the solid muscles on his chest. My hands slid to the wide, strong plane of his back, fingers digging in, pulling him closer as a soft moan left me. At the noise, Matt sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, teeth gently grazing the skin before his tongue slid along after. I could feel a wet heat growing between my thighs at the way he was working his lips against mine. His hips bucked against me and a low, pained groan came from him; reluctantly I pulled away, panting heavily. Matt stopped, resting his forehead against mine, his breathing just as uneven.
"Not like this," I managed out. "I can't–we can't…not while he's…still out there."
Matt nodded slowly in response, his forehead brushing against mine at the movement before he pushed himself upright. He ran a hand down his face, his chest heaving.
"I'm…I'm sorry," I told him quietly. "I want this, I just…maybe we shouldn't rush. I don't want to risk him finding out." I swallowed hard, trying to even out my breath. "I don't want something to happen to you. And I…I don't want to mess things up." My hand reached out, gripping onto one of his. " Please understand."
He nodded again, his gaze turning towards me and landing near my chin.
"I understand," he told me softly. "We can take things slow." His other hand reached out and lightly rested on my knee. A slow smile spread on his now swollen lips. "Whatever you'll give me, I'll happily accept."
I leaned forward across the couch, closing the space between us. Very gently I cupped his cheek and pulled his face towards me. I kissed him lightly for a long moment, a kiss his mouth eagerly returned.
"But maybe right now, because I know he's not going to find out," I whispered against his lips, fingers stroking the side of his cheek, "we can have a stolen moment? Just this once?"
I could feel his mouth pull into a smile against mine before he pressed his lips back in for another kiss.
"I like the sound of that," Matt whispered back against my lips before he pressed another kiss to them. "Like I said–whatever you'll give me, I'll happily accept."
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body tight against his as he rested his head on top of mine, contentedly sighing as he did. My own arms wrapped tight around his waist as I rested my head in the crook of his neck, burying my face into his shoulder. He smelled like cedar and clove again, a scent I was starting to associate with him. I inhaled it deeply and closed my eyes happily.
"I have a confession," Matt mumbled after a few minutes of silence.
"Hmm?" I asked sleepily.
"I knew you were attracted to me from the moment you met me."
My eyes fluttered open and I shifted against him, trying to look up at him.
"Sounding a little cocky there Murdock," I teased.
He chuckled as he shifted his arms tighter around me. "Well I…may have had some advantages."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him, a frown covering my lips.
He cleared his throat nervously, his throat vibrating against my forehead at the gesture. My eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"I have heightened senses," he answered slowly. "Which means…I could hear the way your heart quickened around me. Or the way your breathing would change." His head dipped down so his mouth was beside my ear, lips brushing against it as he continued. "And I could smell your pheromones. Taste it in the air, even."
I swallowed hard, eyes closing in a confusing mix of embarrassment and arousal as he began to nuzzle against my ear, his hands gripping tighter around my waist. My thighs pressed tighter together involuntarily and I tried to focus on my breathing.
"You can…can smell my pheromones?" I asked him slowly. " Taste them?"
"Mhmm," Matt hummed.
"What's…what's that like?" I asked distractedly, my mind more focused on his hands.
"Intoxicating," Matt answered as he dipped his head lower, brushing the hair by my neck out of the way with his nose. One of his hands slid lower down my hip, resting at the top of my thigh and gripping firmly. "Overwhelming."
My breath came in short and I could feel wetness beginning to pool between my thighs. Suddenly, Matt's tongue darted out to wet his lips, but he was so close to my neck that it brushed the skin there and a soft whimper left me. A pained hiss came from Matt in response.
"I can smell the effect I have on you right now," Matt told me, his hand on my thigh sliding up and roughly gripping the top of my jeans, the fabric balling between his fist as a low growl rumbled in his throat. "Taste it."
"Wait…you mean besides the pheromones?" I asked, eyes wide in alarm.
He chuckled lightly as I groaned, pulling away from him.
"Nothing to be embarrassed about," Matt told me as he leaned back, smiling down at me. "I'm thoroughly enjoying it," he told me smoothly, his fist giving a sharp, playful tug at my jeans as he said, "And I look forward to thoroughly enjoying it in another way some time." He slid his hand back to my waist as he shot me a wink. "If you want that, of course." A smug smirk spread across his mouth next. "Which it…kind of seems you do."
I buried my face in my hands, groaning loudly. "I can't tell if I'm turned on or completely mortified right now," I grumbled into my hands.
"Pretty sure I can tell which one," Matt teased.
I pulled one hand from my face, swinging it out to playfully slap him. He caught my wrist abruptly in his own hand so fast that it took my brain a moment to process. I glanced up from behind my other hand, eyeing the wide grin on his face. And then I burst into a laugh. I laughed so hard I was gasping for air, tears in my eyes as Matt just stared in my direction, his grin slipping a little.
"What's so funny?" he asked curiously.
"We-we would make," I began, wheezing the words out as I wiped a hand at my eyes, "the best worst Hallmark Christmas movie."
It took Matt a moment before he broke into a fit of laughs, too.
"The weird lab experiment meets the handsome lawyer by day, vigilante by night," I began. "His heightened senses allow him to… know she's attracted to him." I let out a loud snort. "But kept apart until her psychotic ex is in prison."
"Still sounds better than the ghost who became human almost a hundred years after his death," Matt countered with a laugh.
I pushed him playfully on the couch and he laughed harder.
"You enjoyed that movie, don't lie!"
"I enjoyed sitting next to you," Matt corrected.
I snorted again. "And smelling my pheromones ?"
He licked his lips, my eyes drawing down to his mouth as they always did when he did that. He grinned and my eyes went wide.
"You're doing it on purpose !" I exclaimed, throwing a pillow at him.
The pillow lightly bounced off of his chest and fell onto the floor. He grinned in my direction.
"You taking cheap shots at a blind man?" Matt teased.
I snorted. "Yeah, okay, that line won't ever work on me again, Devil of Hell's Kitchen."
Matt grinned wider as he reached out and squeezed my knee affectionately. I sighed as I glanced down at his hand, the whole weight of the day suddenly hitting me.
"I should probably text Jessica, let her know Kilgrave had been lurking outside of her apartment," I said tiredly, rubbing a hand across my eyes. "And I should really get some sleep. I think the most sleep I've gotten all week was…" I paused trying to think. "Probably at the beginning of the week when I passed out on the couch with you here."
"I can stay," Matt offered. "If you'd like, I mean. If it would help."
I opened my mouth, entirely intending to tell him no, I'm a big girl and I can sleep alone just fine, but the words didn't come out. Instead, Kilgrave's face flashed before my mind's eye, his words playing through my mind again.
"Should order you to cut your heart out and give it to her."
I shivered at the mental image of Matt stabbing his own chest open at Kilgrave's command and literally digging his hands into his opened chest cavity–
"Olivia?"
I winced, shaking the thought away and turning my attention to Matt who was staring in my direction, his brows furrowed deeply in concern.
"Your heart is racing like crazy," he said quietly, sliding closer to me on the couch. "I can smell the fear on you. What's wrong?"
"I'm just…I just…" I struggled to find the words. Swallowing hard, I placed my hand over his on my knee, squeezing it tightly. "Please stay."
"I just need to go back to my place and change," Matt told me, standing up from off the couch and gesturing at his clothes. "I don't need anyone else finding out about me tonight."
I rose from the couch too, making my way towards the front door. I paused when I realized he wasn't following. When I turned around I saw him smiling sheepishly, a hand scratching the back of his neck.
"Kind of need to go out the window," he told me. "Don't need any people or security cameras spotting me walking through the front door."
I rolled my eyes, grinning as I made my way back to the window I'd let him through earlier tonight. I slid it up high and was blasted with cold air. I shivered and stepped aside, watching as he slid the mask back over his head and obscuring his face again. He sauntered over to me, a smirk on his lips as he stopped just in front of me and snaked a hand around my waist, roughly drawing me into him. I gripped his sides quickly to steady myself, my hands catching the thin black fabric and solid muscle as I did.
"I'll be back soon," he promised softly, lips brushing the top of my head.
"I'll be waiting," I told him just as quietly.