Chapter 7: Love him even though I'm not supposed to
Notes:
Hello :)
CW/TWs:
- Mention of scars.
More in depth at the end.
Enjoy :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
By mid September, they had fallen into a routine. Both boys would attempt to sleep at night, then use their free periods to go and actually sleep. Draco would join him if he went to smoke at night, neither saying a word. They'd sit in the courtyard, Draco sometimes closing his eyes and leaning on Harry if he had a nightmare. They wouldn't say anything. Harry would heal whatever was done to Draco's arm, Draco would fiddle with his lighter while Harry smoked. They'd walked back to bed in silence.
They had four free periods alone together a week, another two where Blaise was also present. They had settled into completing homework at that time.
Harry wouldn't eat anything at meal times unless Draco ate first, which he was surprised was working. Two days ago the blonde had added some bacon onto his plate and Blaise lost his shit. At lunch, he would often take one small sandwich and be done with it. Dinner was when he would have a somewhat real meal. Only ever filling up a quarter of his plate, but after a few weeks it was at least all being eaten. Four days ago, a small cake was eaten for dessert and Pansy beamed along with Harry.
Blaise seemed to be the only one to know why Draco was improving, and stayed behind Potions one day to talk to Harry.
"What's up, mate?" The Gryffindor asked, watching as Draco and Pansy strolled out of the room, leaving just the two of them.
"I'm not sure what you're doing, but thank you." Blaise was stacking his books up, leaning against a table to stare at Harry's confused face.
"I'm not doing anything-" Harry tried to protest.
"Yeah, no, I know you're doing something," Zabini nodded towards the door, cueing Harry to walk with him, "He's eating, he seems like he's sleeping, and you two smile at each other all the time."
"We do not smile-"
"Harry, I'm not blind. I'm sat between you two at the table, I can see it. I just…" He trailed off, eyes scanning down the corridor and hand rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't want to see him get hurt. It's happened before, and if you do it too-"
"Do what?"
"-Then I will kill the hero of the wizarding world." It sounded like a joke, the smile on Blaise's face supporting it. But then his eyes were saying it all. He would do it. Harry wondered what happened, why Harry was able to repeat something that happened in the past. It couldn't have been to do with the war, surely.
"Okay, I won't." He finished as they entered the great hall. On Thursday, everyone's last lesson was Potions, meaning they all attended dinner together. Conversation in the room was lively, but Harry's eyes went straight to Malfoy as he sat down. The Slytherin was watching the pair with confused eyes, flicking between them. Harry wasn't sure what Blaise had done to earn the eye roll he got, but he felt it most likely deserved.
"Harry," Hermione chimed, carefully scooping a few potatoes onto her plate. "Did you want to join our study sessions after dinner?"
"Oooh no." He joked, placing a few slices of chicken onto his own. "Do have fun though."
"Oh come on, all you do is sleep at the moment." Ron argued, taking a large chunk of bread. He clearly didn't want to attend either, but he was doing it for his girlfriend. And because Hermione could be scary sometimes. He heard a small snort come from besides him, turning to see Blaise smirking into his meal and Draco glaring at Harry. Real subtle, Blaise.
"Says you, I don't think I'm going to take study advice from you." Joked Harry.
"That's a sure fire way to fail, that is mate." Seamus agreed. They both had some bread thrown at them, Seamus' landing in his drink.
"Granger," Blaise began, fiddling with his cup. She turned to him with a simple smile, "What subject are you studying tonight?"
"It's more of a homework one tonight, doing what needs to be done," She scanned the rest of the group, "You're all welcome to come along. We can help each other?" Her hand was tensely gripping the table, keeping the smile on her lips calm. They all nodded, grateful for her generosity.
By the time the meal came to a close, the group was talking as a whole. Collectively laughing over Ron now trying to get more bread into Seamus' cup. A swatting hand landed a piece in Dean's, causing the boys to begin bickering.
They strolled back to the common room as a group of friends, splitting into smaller chunks to talk. Harry and Ron lead the pack.
"You're chummy with them," Observed Ron in a hushed tone.
"They are people, we also share a room with them." Harry observed back, hand reaching up to undo his tie. Ron hummed in agreement, but didn't say more on the matter.
Once in the common room, they all agreed to get changed and meet back there in 10 minutes. Seamus and Dean weren't going, instead walking over to a chess board. Harry and Draco joined the others up the stairs, but didn't follow them out. They were left getting some clothes to change into. Though the room was almost empty, Draco wandered towards the toilets. Locking the door behind him.
Draco had given up hiding the mark from Harry. He still wore long sleeves when he could, but when they would wake up during the night he never made an attempt to completely cover it. He would often hold his hand over it, scratching at the skin, but it seemed to be more a subconscious thing now. If they went back to sleep before lessons, then Harry could watch the mark. It seemed like it moved sometimes, the tail of the snake coiling. He never looked whilst Draco was awake, not wanting to make him self-conscious.
On Thursdays, their nap fell after lunch. Meaning they usually stayed in uniforms. This particular Thursday, the common room had been warmer than usual, which caused Draco to disregard his tie completely and undo a few buttons. Harry focused intently on his charms book, and not on how Draco looked when pulling a tie off himself. He evened out his breathing as they climbed into the bed. They never started off cuddling, it seemed to be Draco's natural state that did it.
While Draco slept, Harry caught a glimpse of a silk white line across his collar bone. It looked like a healed scar, unnoticeable in some light. He hadn't seen it before and, due to only seeing the one line, spent a while trying to figure out what it was. He had fallen asleep thinking about it, managing to ignore the thought when they had woken up for their evening lesson.
The sun was beginning to set when Draco returned from the bathroom, donned in black jeans and a deep green jumper. He had a slight bounce in him as he walked over.
"Bit early to go to sleep," Malfoy commented, although he seemed like he wasn't tired at all.
"Well, you did sleep for a while earlier." Harry joked, pulling a grey jacket over his shoulders.
"My apologies, I'll stay awake tonight to make up for it." His eyes drifted over to the setting sun, "Want to go for a walk?"
"Is that something we do?"
"It's a nice evening, Potter, thought we could get some fresh air," Draco's eyes turned back to the boy in front of him, clocking onto how odd of a statement that was, "Never mind."
"No, no." Harry was quick to his feet, grabbing his fags from the drawer. "Let's go."
They walked around the halls in comfortable silence, finding their way out to the black lake. They didn't pass many students, and avoided the Library all together.
"Shit, my laces. Hold on." Harry dropped to one knee and began tying up the black strings. The sun was nearly gone, casting a lot of shadows around him. As he stood, he watched the blonde take a seat on a nearby bench, looking out over the water.
"I forgot how pretty Scotland was." Draco remarked quietly. Harry just nodded in agreement whilst sitting beside him. They couldn't be seen by the school where they were, and Harry pulled out the pack. He lit up a smoke and absent mindedly handed the lighter over to Draco, who tested the spark and then twirled it between his fingers.
It was pretty. The ambers and oranges floating across the lake, small waves bouncing the light around. The trees swayed gently, and Hogwarts itself was silent. They were alone. He blew out a small cloud of smoke, watching as it drifted off with the wind.
They took a few moments to just breathe. There was no sign of a war by the lake, everywhere you turned in Hogwarts you could see it. Memories chasing them through the halls. But the lake had none, they hadn't been there together, it was new. They didn't speak while Harry finished smoking, dropping the butt onto the ground and crushing it beneath his shoes.
"Can I ask you something?" Harry whispered, keeping his eyes on the water before him.
"Depends," Was all he got in response. He levelled his breathing and began.
"You don't have to tell me, or talk about it. But I saw something," He felt the blonde beside him stiffen. Hand instinctively going to his forearm. "When you were sleeping earlier, it looked like…" They were friends, he could ask questions. Worst case Draco says no. Actual worst case he stops talking to Harry, stops sleeping and eating again and he's back at square one. "Like a scar on your chest." The air was ripped from Draco's lungs. Holding his breath, he waited.
"What about it?" Was all he could muster, it was quiet again.
"I did that," Harry concluded, knowing that nothing else would have happened to the boy for a mark like that. "Didn't I?"
Silence hung between them. They hadn't talked about it yet. There was a lot they hadn't talked about. But he had hurt him. Scarred him . Altered the way he looks, permanently. He could have killed him.
"It's okay." Broke the silence, a weak but forgiving statement.
"I'm so sorry. I- I could have killed you." They didn't look at each other. Neither one wanted to cave, to admit, to prove to the other that they were weaker or stronger. It was a confession, you didn't look people in the eyes for confessions.
"But you didn't, so it's okay." But, of course, Draco had to cave. Because he had grown past it. He wanted to forget everything that happened. Wanted to start fresh. And he couldn't do that while blaming Harry for everything. "It's just a few scars."
"A few?" He'd only seen the one. How many were there? Where were they? Why did he cast a spell when he didn't know what it did?
"Yeah?" He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked next to him. Harry looked scared. Not being able to apologise and it just being dealt with. Draco sighed, hand moving up to his collarbone. "You only saw one, didn't you?"
"How many?" It was meek. It was quiet, full of fear and sorrow. Harry could crumble. How could it be okay?
"A few."
"Is that why you don't change in front of me?"
"It's because I'm so good looking, I don't want you to go blind from beauty." He joked, but neither of them felt like joking. A small chuckle fizzled between them.
It was true. When everyone was there, he didn't want them to see the dark mark. Had he shown anyone? Who knew Harry had even done it? Harry had already seen the dark mark and now one of the scars, would he see the others? Would Draco show him? He was pretty flawless anyway, he doubted a couple of scars would change that. But maybe that's what Draco thought? Brushing off the truth with humour. Harry had scarred him and it had left more than just physical damage.
"Draco," Harry drew him out of his thoughts. "I really am sorry."
"Harry, it really is okay. It's not a big deal." But it was, of course it was. I nearly killed you.
They dropped the subject, neither of them wanting more confessions that night. Draco moved onto Quidditch, both agreeing they missed it. It was freeing for them, but so was each other's company.
They talked and walked back to their dorms. Harry tried to ignore the pang in his chest each time Draco shifted his jumper, covering the glimpse of scars a bit better. It was something he did a lot, Harry noticed, he just never realised it was his fault.
The conversation on scars didn't not return for a while, but Draco definitely became more relaxed about them. He didn't work so hard to cover them while they napped, choosing to be comfortable instead. Their routine stayed intact. Enjoy each other's company more than their own.
It was becoming a proper friendship.
Notes:
Thanks for reading!
CW/TWs:
- Mention of scars. Brief talk about the scars on Draco's body from the bathroom scene in 6th year. They don't fully talk about it, but Harry's inner monologue talks about nearly killing him.
Of course, do not read this if it is going to cause you any distress.
Next chapter: 06/05/23