Chapter 9: All night
Notes:
Hi!
Progress people, progress.
CW/TWs:
- Homophobia (ish?)
More in depth at the end.
Enjoy :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There they sat, on that little bench by the lake. It was a beautiful evening. The sun was setting behind the trees and hills, colours rolling over the water. His arm was around the blonde's shoulders, resting on the top of the seat. Silence grew around them as grey met green. A hand drifted to his chest, curling around his Gryffindor tie.
He couldn't breathe.
Please.
His spare hand curled around the man's cheek, pulling him closer. He could feel breath on his skin. It was too much but he wanted it. He wanted to drown in the scent of the other's aftershave. He wanted those lips on his. His pulse was rising. Skin heating up.
Please.
Before skin could touch skin, he was up. Darkness surrounding him. The bench was replaced with a soft bed and laying there completely alone.
It was a dream.
Why did it have to be a dream?
Harry ran a hand over his face and checked the time, 6AM. He ignored the ache in his chest, the empty space besides him and the feeling of loss all over his body. It was a dream. It meant nothing.
He silently made his way over to the bathroom, turning on the shower and staring at himself in the mirror. This wasn't the first dream he had like this, but this was the most vivid. He remembers how it felt. He remembers wanting it. But he can't.
Draco was straight, so was he. He just got confused because of the cuddling, is what he told himself. He climbed into the shower and looked down.
"Fuck." He muttered. He might ignore it but his body wasn't going to let him. He let the water scold his skin, dripping down his body and closing his eyes. Trying to remember how it felt. How it could have ended. He lowered his hand and took care of himself, trying to think of anything other than Draco.
The way Draco had smelt in that aftershave.
The way Draco always leans into his touch.
The way Draco laughs at something Harry says.
The way Draco looked sat in the chair by the fire, that first weekend.
The way Draco had invited him into his bed.
The way he wanted Draco back in that bed.
It didn't take long, not that it does with Harry, but his body was buzzing. He didn't have the energy to think about stuff like this. To have a crush on a man who was straight, who wouldn't want him like that, who would stop talking if he knew. No. It was Harry's secret, and he was straight.
He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and stared into the mirror again. He changed into some clothes and let his mind wander. It was just a dream. It didn't matter to him. He wasn't going to put any more thought into it.
It was better said than done. As Harry entered the room again, he matched Blaise's eye. The other man was just stretching after getting out of bed. They nodded to each other and went about their usual business. Harry made a point to not look at Draco's bed. The curtains were still tightly shut around it, which made his life easier. They had Transfiguration first thing, meaning he didn't need to think about Draco at all. He tied his shoes up and looked over to Neville trodding his way to the bathroom.
Breakfast would open soon, and Harry caught Blaise's eye again. He strolled towards him whilst doing his tie up.
"You can go to breakfast, I'll make sure he comes." Blaise whispered, and what a poor choice of words. Harry tried very hard to not think about Draco coming while he nodded in response. He needed to get out of that room. He grabbed his book needed for that lesson and left the room.
He caught up with Hermione on his way towards breakfast, she had a book open and he narrowly got her to avoid bumping into a table.
"I've got a question, Hermione." She raised her head at that statement. She looked over his face and closed her book, stepping through the doors towards the hallway. They were mostly empty from where he could see, but he kept his voice low. "I'm sure you'll know more than I do," He tried to calm himself down, stuffing his hands into his pockets, book tucked underarm. "Is the wizarding world as homophobic as muggles?" It was a heavy question. One, hopefully, she wouldn't read too much into. But she knew that look in his eyes, and didn't press.
"They can be, purebloods mostly. The whole 'needing to continue the bloodline' does that. Others may be more open though." She answered as they entered the hall, none of the other 8th years had come downstairs yet, leaving them to talk freely for a bit.
"Okay, cool." So he wouldn't be okay with it. He wouldn't stay friends with him.
"Something you want to talk about, Harry?" She offered, taking two slices from a wrack and getting the small pot of jam. I had a wank over Malfoy mere hours ago but I don't know, Hermione, is that a straight thing to do?
"No, no. I was just interested is all." Liar. "Not something I'd heard about before, ya know?"
"Makes sense, you know you can tell me anything." She was nice like that, knowing exactly what Harry was trying to say but not filling it in for him. Giving him the space to say whatever he needed. He was so glad he had her.
She changed the subject for him, noticing Ron walk through the door yawning. The conversation on Gryffindor's quidditch play was picking up when Harry spotted Blaise and Draco stroll in.
He didn't look okay. The news from yesterday stuck with him. He didn't seem to have slept, but Harry knew their period after lunch was free. Harry put some food on his plate and joked with Ron as he waited for the other to copy. They ate their food, but Harry avoided all eye contact. He pretended to be drawn into his conversation with Ron but he didn't want a repeat of that morning at the breakfast table.
But Draco was trying. He was trying to get Harry to look. He was trying to break him. And, by god, Harry wanted to cave.
Harry didn't stick around for long at lunch. He ate a quick sandwich and wandered off, claiming he just wanted to go back to sleep for a bit. He didn't look at Draco as he left, and hadn't spoken to him once in their lesson either, and the tension was building. He needed a smoke.
Silently, he walked past the courtyard they first talked at. Remembering the feeling of a head leaning against his shoulder. The warming charm enveloping them. The smell of apples drifting through the air. It was only a month ago but so much had changed. And now he had to pretend like he didn't have an awakening over Draco Malfoy.
He walked briskly back to the dorm, dumping his book on his desk and bringing out a piece of parchment. Anything to keep his mind off Draco. He began on the homework he was just set, trying to pour his mind out while he still remembered it all. But then the door opened, and it got a lot harder to ignore the other boy.
"Potter." Draco demanded, standing in the middle of the room and waiting. He crossed his arms over his chest, a stern look plastered onto his face.
"Back to 'Potter' are we?" Mocked Harry, not looking over.
"It speaks." He wasn't joking. Harry placed a silencing ward over the room, making sure if anyone did come back that their conversation wouldn't be heard.
"Could say the same for you, Malfoy." He kept his eyes on the pages, ignoring everything instinct to just look.
"What's going on?" Draco asked, stepping closer, "Did I do something?" His tone shifted, no longer annoyed but back to scared.
"No, you didn't do anything." He sighed, finally caving and turning. And damn, he was wearing the same clothes as the dream. That wasn't going to help the tightness of Harry's trousers. "You should have a nap."
"I don't want to fucking nap, Potter." He was definitely back to anger. Could he pick an emotion, that would make this a lot easier.
"Then what do you want?"
"To know why you've spent the last month cuddling in my bed to then completely blank me?" The shouting didn't mask the clear pain in his voice.
"I haven't blanked you! I'm here now, aren't I?" Harry stood to match the man's height, standing about three feet from each other.
"Saint Potter! You're in your own room, do you want a fucking prize?"
"Don't call me that!" Now Harry was angry. He didn't mind it as a joke, but he was trying to be hurtful. Push buttons that he knew Harry had. Harry stepped about a foot closer. "All I've done is try to help you and what? You want to throw it back in my face?"
"I don't need your help!"
"Clearly not, my mistake."
"I let you read that letter," He took a pause, taking a step forward and closing the gap. Harry was sure he stopped breathing. He could feel the temperature rising around him. He could smell Draco's aftershave, "I cried to you about my mother! I've let you see shit no one else has! My world has fallen apart, Potter, turning to shit around me! The one thing I want is so fucking far out of reach it's laughable! And you turn around and ignore me?"
"What is it that you want then, Malfoy?"
There was a pause, singular, before the gap between them was closed. Draco's hands cupping the side of the other's face, pushing their lips together. Harry didn't know how to react, so he didn't. His hands itched to move but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
It was over before it began, Draco pushing away firmly before coming to the realisation of what he did.
Harry was broken.
He couldn't move, or talk. Stunned and sedated.
He felt his pulse travel to his lips. He wanted to say something but Draco was out the door.
It slammed shut behind him, the warmth leaving as well. He could check the map to see where he was going. Could just follow him.
But he couldn't move.
Afraid to wake up.
To break away from his dream, come to life.
What would he say?
What would Draco say?
He sat on his bed and stared up. His skin was on fire and could still feel his lips against Draco's.
Why?
Ron came to get him before their Charms lesson, throwing a pillow across the room instead of walking. Hermione was waiting for them outside the classroom, and once inside he didn't see Draco anywhere.
He couldn't lie, he was relieved. He didn't want to face him in the middle of a lesson, or ever at this point. He felt Blaise's eyes burning into him, but refused to look. Knowing what those eyes were already asking;
Where is he?
Harry sat at the back of the room with Ron, barely paying attention to what was going on. He played naughts and crosses on a spare bit of parchment, only beating Ron twice.
Draco didn't attend their Potion lesson either, but neither had Blaise this time.
Nor dinner.
And by the time Harry returned to the dorms, Draco's bed curtains were closed, Blaise clearly inside them.
Would Draco tell Blaise?
What would he say?
Would he hate Harry?
The Gryffindor laid on his bed, pulling the curtains round and placing a heavy silencing charm around them. He stared up at the darkness, wondering what he did wrong to be ignored.
Was it the argument?
Why did Draco run?
Why didn't he come back?
Why did he have to kiss him?
Notes:
Thanks for reading!
CW/TWs:
- Homophobia (ish?). Harry just asks Hermione what homophobia is like in the wizarding world, and the conclusion is that a lot of the high up purebloods are homophobic as it would prevent the bloodline continuing. Not actual homophobia, but it is mentioned so you know.
Next chapter: 13/05/23