I feel like this fic needs some warnings. First, in this story, Serena has depression and probably anxiety. That covers a lot of things already, but specifically there's self-hatred and apathy that I'll be focusing on. There is mention of being suicidal in the past. There's mention of past bullying as well. No physical self-harm, and no explicit descriptions of suicidal ideation. This is ultimately a story about healing and love. Happy endings only! But we do have to set the scene.
Part of the story is also that people with depression don't always act how people expect them to. A person may smile and smile and fool the world, behaving as though they've got everything under control, while they're struggling with terrible burdens. Another part is that your brain just straight-up lies to you when you're depressed. It is an inherently unreliable narrator. For Serena, assume everything in canon happens the same; there's just more going on beneath the surface, and she's not seeing some parts of her own story clearly.
(As you might be able to see, a bit heavier than the cute bits of fluff I usually write! But this story is important to me, so I hope you enjoy it as well ❤️)
—
Serena dreaded mornings. And afternoons. And just the day in general. The only time she looked forward to was when her mom was finally done 'training' her for the day and she could retreat to her room.
So it went today. Serena flopped onto her bed with a groan. Another day of 'training.' Another day of…nothing.
Serena didn't know why her mom insisted on doing this. Rhyhorn didn't even like her riding them—they all just bucked her off as soon as she got on, then licked her face with their rough tongues. That last part was fine—it was the hard landing that was the problem.
And…well, every Rhyhorn racer Serena had ever met had loved racing with all their heart. They were passionate and focused and honestly a bit weird, but there was no mistaking that they were doing something they loved. Serena did not feel that way about racing. So what was the point?
It wasn't like she could make a career out of her little outfit doodles either, and the people at school had been pretty clear—her ideas were trash and so was she.
She winced and tried to think about something else, but her brain refused to focus on happier things, instead fixating on the absolute hell her final years of school had been. Thank goodness she was fifteen now and didn't have to deal with that anymore. She didn't even know why they had tormented her. Why every friend she had slowly just…stopped inviting her to things, stopped talking to her, stopped smiling at her. It was dumb. Stupid, pointless.
Just like her.
She jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom to shower. No point sitting around in filth.
She just stood under the shower spray and stared blankly at the wall. She didn't have any plans for the future. She didn't have any goals or dreams to strive for. So…she'd keep trying Rhyhorn racing. Maybe there was just something she wasn't seeing about it yet, and once she did, she'd be as happy and enthusiastic as all those other racers. Her mom wouldn't be so ashamed of having a useless piece of garbage as a daughter and maybe would finally stop trying to kill her by making her ride bucking Rhyhorn every day.
—
It was so strange to see her childhood…friend? Acquaintance? They'd hardly known each other…anyways, it was strange to see Ash so much older.
He was still brave and kind. If someone needed help, he would help, simple as that. He was reckless, though, especially if it came to the safety of people or Pokémon. It wasn't that he didn't value himself, but that he valued others so highly—and he was strong enough to back up his recklessness, and he could be clever about using the environment to his advantage. Sometimes.
'Never give up 'til it's over' was still one of his guiding principles, and his determination made her feel…stronger. More determined. But he also never gave up even when he needed to rest, although he was usually able to be persuaded if there was food involved.
How profoundly he's impacted her life, then and now.
How…little she seemed to impact his.
She pressed down hard on the dough she was kneading, willing herself not to be upset. So what? So what if she was forgettable? It was a long time ago that they'd first met, and really, what else had she done back then besides cry? Hardly the stuff that made cherished memories of a childhood friend.
They'd make new memories. He'd invited her along on their journey—so at least he wanted her here now, right? And he was so happy and full of energy that surely some of that would rub off on her. He was fun, and Serena hoped he never changed.
And as she kept working, the little voice in the back of her head chanted useless, forgettable, boring, weak.
—
Ash started talking about people he'd traveled with before. There were so many! And there were so many different goals and dreams among them!
He talked about things he'd learned, techniques he incorporated from his friends, about how every person had affected him in some way.
It was incredible. Passionate, talented, happy people, traveling together and reaching even higher heights than they could on their own.
After, after dinner and after everyone else had gone to bed, she sat under a tree and just…thought.
Ash traveled with talented people. They knew things, learned things, did things, trained for things. Gym leaders and performers and enthusiasts. They knew what they wanted from life and they went for it. Passionate and focused and a little bit weird. And happy.
She drew her legs in. How did they know? How did they decide? There were so many options. What if she picked something and came to hate it or was terrible at it? What if there was something better she didn't know about and she wasted all her time trying to make the worse thing work? What if she wasted her life away without deciding on anything? What if she wasn't good at anything and was doomed to fail before she even started? What if she was never happy?
Useless. Hopeless. Pointless. Failure.
—
Being a performer was amazing and difficult. She had rivals, her Pokémon were talented, and she felt like she had direction.
Not good enough. You think you can fool yourself?
—
She didn't win the masterclass. That was fine. Why would she expect to? It was her first season.
It was fine. She just had to keep learning and growing and improving.
Not good enough. You'll never be good enough. Why are you still trying?
—
Waking around the city was nice. Seeing people recover and rebuild was good—what had Team Flare been thinking, trying to destroy this? People and Pokémon lived and worked and dreamed in this city, on this planet, and how dare they try to take that away?
Some people waved and called out when they recognized her from the performance she'd put on with Shauna and Jessilli. A group of preteens even asked for her autograph, which was beyond bizarre, but she signed the little books they held out and sent them off with a smile.
"You've got some fans," Ash said from beside her.
Serena flinched a little. She'd completely forgotten he was walking with her. "O-oh, yeah. A little weird," she said with a weak chuckle. She wondered why they'd want her autograph—runner-up.
Not good enough. Forgettable. You don't matter.
"I've never had anyone ask for my autograph," Ash said with an exaggerated pout.
Serena laughed. "Well, let's change that." She pulled out her journal and turned to a blank page, then held it and a pen out to him with a smile. "How 'bout it, future champion? Can I get your autograph?" Pikachu chirped and she reached up to scratch behind his ear. "Yours, too, of course, Pikachu. You'll win together, after all!"
Ash held up his hands, a slightly worried expression on his face . "I didn't mean—"
She shook her head to cut him off. "I know you'll become a champion soon. And it's kind of important, right? Your first autograph? I'll keep it safe, if that's what you're worried about."
"No, not at all! I just…" He trailed off, then took the journal and pen with a little chuckle. "Alright, alright." To her surprise, though, he then walked over to a bench and sat down, tapping his chin with the pen.
"Ash?" she asked. What was he doing?
"I gotta write something good," he said. "It's important!"
She tilted her head, but shrugged and accepted it. "I'll go grab us some snacks, if you'll be a while." He nodded, so off she went.
When she returned, a paper bag of galettes in hand, she saw him bent over the journal, scribbling away. She was a bit surprised he was taking it so seriously. She'd just wanted to make him smile by asking for his autograph.
He finished just before she joined him on the bench. "There, that's good," he said. He saw her and grinned. "Just in time! I'll trade you!" So she passed him the bag and got her journal in return.
She held it close for a moment. "Would it be okay if I read what you wrote?" she asked hesitantly.
He nodded and swallowed his bite of treat. "Of course. It's for you, after all!"
So she flipped open to the page she given him to write on and started to read. (He had surprisingly neat handwriting, each letter almost cube-shaped.)
—
To Serena
I'm so glad you found me to return my handkerchief. I can't imagine what Kalos would have been like without you there with me!
I don't think I told you before, but I remembered more about our summer camp together. Do you remember when we decided to go to the lake and look for Magicarp? We stayed out there all day, and we played so much that we totally forgot why we were there in the first place. My mom was so mad at me for staying out so late, but I couldn't be sad about it—I had such a fun time with you.
—
Serena giggled. "I do remember looking for Magicarp. My mom was mad, too. I didn't get any dessert that night, but I didn't care because I was too excited telling her about all the stuff we did."
"Why were you in Kanto, anyways?" he asked, finishing up the galette. "Pretty out-of-the-way for you."
"My mom had a racing tournament," she said. "She couldn't find anyone to watch me, so she brought me along and signed me up for summer camp to keep me busy." She closed her eyes, remembering how unhappy she'd initially been at having to go to a camp full of kids she didn't know in a region she didn't know. Summer camp during the day, then at the hotel with her mom for the evenings.
"Well, I'm glad she did," Ash said. "We probably wouldn't have met if she didn't."
Serena hummed in agreement and went back to reading. (His note was long—it took up the left and right pages. Didn't he know that autographs were usually short? She far preferred this, though.)
—
I'm glad we could meet again and travel together.
(Also, Pikachu wants me to tell you that you make the best treats he's ever had. I think so, too! But he really wanted you to know that and won't let me write anything else until I do.)
—
"Aw, thanks, Pikachu!"
The little mouse (having finished his galette) jumped on the back of the bench, then put his little paws on her shoulder and carefully nuzzled her cheek with his nose.
She giggled and gave him a little scratch. "I've never had anyone like my tamato-berry Poképuffs so much. I'm glad you do." Maybe she could make a batch or two of puffs before everyone went their separate ways.
—
It was great to see you perform, too. You really have a talent for it and making people happy! You should have seen the lobby after the awards. There were kids trying to dance like you, and I heard at least two people say they wanted to try out your flower combo move themselves because it was so cool.
—
She snorted softly and shook her head. That was nice of him to say, even if she knew she hadn't made much of an impact.
Useless, passionless. Loser. Pathetic.
And Ash could've easily misunderstood the dancing kids and impressed crowds—why would someone try to copy her? No, she was sure it was Aria they were copying—Ash just had no concept of what dancing was supposed to look like.
—
I can't wait to see what you do next. I know it's going to be spectacular!
Your #1 fans,
Ash Ketchum & (paw-shaped blot with 'Pikachu' written in small letters by it)
—
She blinked a bit. That sign-off surprised her and her eyes stung a bit with tears as her cheeks heated up.
He had also written something in a language she didn't know under his name. She cleared her throat. "Um, what does this say?" she asked.
"Oh, that's my name in Kantogo," he said. "That's what we use in Kanto, besides Common, obviously."
She blinked. "Is it…do you have another name, then?" Kalosais didn't have a different writing system than Common, even if some combinations of letters were pronounced differently, so she wasn't really sure if the characters meant 'Ash' or something else entirely.
He smiled. "Yeah. It's Satoshi, but only my mom calls me that, and only when I'm in really big trouble."
"Satoshi," she said, trying it out. It sort of sounded like Ash. "Satoshi, Satoshi." Did he have a different family name, too?
Ash made a noise and she looked up at him. His whole body was tense and he was looking away from her at something down the street, but she couldn't see what was so interesting to him. Pikachu was snickering and Ash poked his little tummy and muttered something.
"Sorry," Serena said. "I didn't mean to make you think you were in trouble or anything!" Was it a private thing? Was she being disrespectful?!
He whipped his head back and shook it quickly, brown eyes wide. "No, no, not at all! It's, um, it's totally fine." He laughed a little and rubbed the side of his neck. "It's…kind of nice to hear it when my mom isn't yelling at me."
She smiled at him, tilting her head a bit. He was so cute! "Then thank you for telling me, Satoshi."
He stiffened once again and cleared his throat, glancing away. "N-no problem," he said, his voice cracking a bit. Pikachu started cackling, rolling around on the bench in glee. "Oh, stop it," Ash said without heat, shoving his little partner away from him.
Then he snapped his fingers and picked up his backpack. "Wait just a sec…" he said, digging through the bag. "Ah-ha!" He pulled out a familiar handkerchief with a Pokéball embroidered in the corners. He smoothed it out a little, then handed it to her. "Can I get your autograph, too?"
She couldn't help it—she laughed. He was smiling so brightly at her, so earnest and happy.
It honestly kind of hurt her heart—he'd never love her romantically. She knew that. That wasn't the kind of person he was, and that was perfectly fine—she couldn't change someone's nature, nor should she try.
And if he did ever fall in love, it certainly wouldn't be with a nobody like her. He'd find someone radiant, who loved Pokémon as much as he did and was just as talented with them. Someone as kind and brave as he was, who made him smile and laugh and want to go on fun adventures to every region with. Not a girl he forgot. Not a runner-up.
But he was a very good friend to her, and she'd miss him dearly. So she took the handkerchief. "Hm, a marker would work better for this. Is that okay?"
"Sure!"
She was lucky she'd brought along her little sewing kit—there was a waterproof fabric marker in it. And she carefully, carefully, sketched in and then wrote her message on one corner of the woven fabric. Not as long as Ash's, unfortunately, and she hoped he didn't regret letting her sign the handkerchief:
—
Go for broke and never give up!
Your biggest fan,
Serena
—
And, maybe because she hated herself, she drew a tiny heart by her name. It could be interpreted as friendly, right? But she knew what it meant—my heart goes with you. Whether or not he knew or cared, she knew she'd never love another person like she loved him.
She handed the handkerchief back to him after blowing the ink dry a bit. "There. Not my first autograph, but definitely the most important!"
He took it back with both hands, read her little message with a smile, then tucked it into his pocket instead of his backpack. "Thanks so much, Serena!"
She grabbed at the ribbon on her collar and smiled back. "Of course." They resumed their walk, Ash handing her the last galette to eat.
They'd reached the fashion district, and while looking at cute clothes usually never failed to cheer her up or give her some fun ideas, she found herself unable to muster much enthusiasm for the display that Ash pointed out.
What did she do next? Where did she go from here?
Pointless. Worthless. Use—
"Serena? Let's have a battle!"
"Huh?!"
—
—
Serena sighed as she strolled down the pathway to Pallet Town. It was a lovely day, and she should've been blissfully content. She'd competed in contests in Hoenn and Johto for years, having earned the title of Top Coordinator. She gone back to Kalos and won the title of Kalos Queen as well, though she'd chosen not to defend it. She had fame, she had money, she had skill. Her life was charmed, one that people probably dreamed of having.
But, after the month she'd had, there was obviously something wrong with her, and it was obviously time for a change. The problem was, what did she do next?
On her journey to discover her next path, she'd decided to stop by Kanto and see Professor Oak's lab again (she didn't dare bother Delia Ketchum—the invitation to visit had been given years ago and she wouldn't presume to drop in unannounced).
The lab was on a hill, surrounded by woods, and she smiled. She wished she had appreciated it more when she was younger, but she could appreciate it now. Picturesque and quaint, a haven of learning and knowledge in a small little town.
When she entered the lab, it was very quiet. That wasn't too unusual, since many professors and their assistants had work to do in various locations. After calling out a few times with no response, it was clear that no one was there today. She sighed and left—it seemed her inspiration wouldn't be coming from here. Where should she go next? Somewhere else in Kanto? Another region, maybe? It's not like it really mattered, anyways.
As she started down the hill, there was the sound of several explosions from behind the lab and the sound of Pokémon crying out. She broke into a run—what had happened? An experiment gone wrong? Someone might need help!
Once she ran around the corner of the building, she skidded to a stop and immediately felt foolish. Two men stood on either side of a chalked rectangle on the ground. It was a battle—a Pokémon battle—and the Pokémon she'd heard were cheering, not crying out in pain.
She felt her face burn in shame and tried to back away before anyone saw her.
Vines wrapped around her wrist, though, and she squeaked in surprise. A Bulbasaur was eyeing her suspiciously. "Sorry!" she whispered. "I thought someone had been hurt! I'm just leaving now."
Bulbasaur blinked and called out. Then other Pokémon were noticing her, calling out as well, and the battle stopped.
Oh, she was mortified. She looked like some kind of creep, bursting into private property like this! She tried to tug her way free, but this Bulbasaur's vines were incredibly tough.
"Serena?"
She looked up and felt a bit faint. Ash Ketchum stood there, hands on his hips and eyebrows raised. He looked…really good. Taller. Stronger. And he looked even better when he smiled and said, "It is you! Wow, I can't believe it!" He started walking towards her.
She hadn't known he would be there—last she'd heard, he was doing a champion's tour through different regions—and somehow his presence made everything worse. Now she looked like she was stalking him or something, like she was desperate to see him again.
Not that she didn't appreciate seeing him, of course. Even after all this time. Stupid heart. Couldn't it get over one boy?
Oh, but this boy was Ash, kind and brave and determined. How could she ever get over that? Even if it was generally accepted by the gossip magazines that he was dating a trainer named Goh. How embarrassing to see him again, to be such an awkward sidenote in his life, especially since she'd gone out of her way to avoid him elsewhere. She'd been mortified after landing in Hoenn, appalled at her own audacity—she'd kissed him. And so she'd determined to never, ever see him again.
Alas, it seemed life had different plans. "Um, hi," she said, wishing the ground would swallow her up. "Sorry, I just heard some explosions and…well, obviously nothing's wrong! Ha! So, um, I'll just be going."
Yet Bulbasaur didn't let her go, no matter how much she tried to escape.
"You're leaving already?" Ash asked, close enough now that he didn't need to raise his voice. "But I didn't even know you were coming!"
She was trembling, legitimately shaking, unable to meet his gaze. "Well, you know, just…passing through." She had to keep it together.
The trainer he'd been battling walked over then. "Hey, Ash, I'm gonna head out. Nice catching up with you." He nodded at Serena and walked past her.
"Nice seeing you, too, Goh. Good luck with the Pokédex! Let's not wait so long to meet up again," Ash called as the man left, barely glancing at him before refocusing on Serena.
She froze. That man had been Goh? That had hardly been the kind of goodbye you gave to someone you were dating.
Then again, when had Ash ever shown romantic interest in another person? Stupid tabloids, getting everything wrong. Stupid her, believing them. She'd traveled with him—she knew how he was. Ash didn't do romance.
It didn't make her any less embarrassed to be here, though.
With the other man gone, it was just her, Ash, and what felt like five hundred Pokémon watching them.
Ash was right in front of her now. He shifted his weight and rubbed the back of his head. "It's great to see you, Serena," he said. "It's…been a long time."
She nodded, not trusting her voice. She was about to break out into tears, she could feel it.
"Are you…well, do you have to leave right now?" he asked, reaching out to touch her forearm like he was going to escort her. His voice was deeper now. She knew it was—she watched all his press conferences—but it was very striking in person.
She shook her head. His hand was so warm… "N-no, I just…I didn't want to interrupt…"
He grinned. "You're not interrupting anything!" As if she hadn't literally just interrupted a battle. "Do you want to come meet my Pokémon?" His brown eyes still sparkled like they had when he was a teenager, when he was a kid at summer camp, excited to share what he loved.
She looked around at the veritable horde of creatures. "Wait…are all these your Pokémon?" Might as well call the place 'Ketchum's Lab' now. And no wonder the Bulbasaur was so strong.
He grinned widely, wide enough his eyes squeezed shut. "You bet! Hey, everyone!" he called. "Come meet one of my friends!" And, as always, his enthusiasm was contagious.
What followed could only be described as 'happy chaos.' Eventually Serena remembered that she had her own Pokémon and let them out so they could play, too.
Ash seemed delighted to see her teammates again, giving Pancham a tiny fist bump and complimenting Delphox on her shiny fur. Sylveon wrapped one of her ribbons around his arm and didn't let go, apparently content. Then, when he saw that Serena held two more Pokéballs, Ash asked Serena to introduce him to her new Pokémon.
"This is Swablu," she said as she called out her Pokémon, and as if on cue, the fluffy little bird immediately flew up to land on her hat. Serena smiled despite her anxiety. "She saw us practicing one day, then perched on my hat and wouldn't leave." She laughed and reached up to pet the fluffy wings. "It's a good thing she's so small!"
Ash held up his hand for Swablu to inspect, and to both humans' surprise, the bird hopped right over to Ash's hat and settled down.
"Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, Ash," she said, feeling her anxiety rising to new heights. "Swablu, don't be so rude!"
"Hey, no worries!" Ash said, indeed not looking worried at all. "I've had much heavier Pokémon try to hitch a ride on my head. I can hardly feel her there!" He certainly had gotten…stronger. Not a lanky teen, but a man, a strong-looking man at that. He still wasn't very tall, even if he had grown, but Serena literally couldn't care less. He was Ash, and all the rest didn't matter. (Although his musculature certainly didn't hurt to look at—he could probably lift her over his head easily…)
Her next Pokémon was aquatic, so she asked if she could use the pond.
"Of course! I don't have any Pokémon that need to be in water all the time, so it should be nice and empty."
She called out her Pokémon—a very large Feebas. The fish blinked mournfully up at her and she quickly took off her shoes and socks and waded into the pond a bit. "Hey there, cutie," she cooed, rubbing the base of its dorsal fin. The Feebas closed its perpetually-sad eyes, singing a little tune. Which is, of course, what Serena was going for.
"Oh, wow!" Ash said, eyes widening. "It has such a beautiful voice!" The Pokémon gathered nearby seemed happy to hear it as well, some of them even closing their eyes as Feebas sang.
Serena nodded and kept petting the fish. "We were walking by a river one day, and we kept hearing this haunting melody. It followed us all the way to the next town." She smiled, remembering. "And when we were going to walk away, this fine friend jumped up and hit us all with Bubble Beam so we wouldn't leave!" She bent down and kissed the top of its head. "You're a fighter, aren't you?" she crooned. The fish was, physically speaking, quite weak despite its size, but it was a very determined creature, that was for sure. "Why don't you go make some new friends, okay?"
The Feebas eyed her for a moment before nodding and diving down, swimming off.
When she turned to head back to shore, she was surprised to see Ash watching her with a fond smile. "W-what?" she stammered out, wondering if she'd gotten mud on herself somehow.
He picked Swablu off his head and held the bird in his arms, petting her cloud-like wings. Sylveon chirped and pranced off to play with a group of grass-types. "Just happy to see your new Pokémon. They're great! I have some new friends, too, but, uh…"
Serena shook her head. "I know you, Ash. There's probably tons of new Pokémon."
"Well, not tons. I don't catch every Pokémon I see! But yeah, definitely more than your two." He then brought Swablu up to his face and rubbed his cheek against her. "So soft!" Swablu liked being cuddled and complimented, so the little bird was happy as could be. Then he looked at Serena again. "By the way, do you know what Feebas evolves into?" he asked.
She tilted her head. "No, but it hasn't seemed eager to evolve, so I figure there's not much point worrying about it."
A smile slowly grew across his face. "How long have you been traveling together?"
Hm. How long had it been? "I'd say about two years."
He nodded, practically bouncing in place, then whistled. Bulbasaur came hurrying back over, having left to keep some others from fighting. "Bulbasaur," he said, "could you go grab a Prism Scale from the lab?"
The little Pokémon nodded and trundled off. Ash wouldn't answer her questions about what he was up to, just smiled and told her to wait. He introduced her to more of his Pokémon—so many! (Why did he have so many Tauros?)
Then Bulbasaur came back, cradling a large, iridescent scale with his vines. Ash called out for Feebas to come over.
Curious, Serena followed him to the edge of the pond again, taking the scale when he had Bulbasaur give it to her. "Those are a bit of a pain to find," he said, "so I'm not surprised it hasn't come up before."
Feebas surfaced near them, singing a questioning song. When it saw the scale Serena held, though, it's eyes widened even further and it started jumping around, singing a very excited tune. "Feebas?!" Serena cried, laughing as its jumping splashed her. "What's gotten into you? Do you really like the scale that much?" An affirmative song was its answer. Thinking the fish might want to hold it in its mouth, if it made it so happy, she held it out a bit. "Here, do you want it?"
Feebas leaped high, executing a skillful flip, before calmly swimming up to Serena and bumping against the scale.
Immediately the fish started to glow—glowing, Serena realized, with the light of evolution. She felt rather silly. She'd just assumed Feebas hadn't wanted to evolve—she should've checked to see if it needed a special item. Although Ash did say the scales were rare…
In any case, she was excited to see what kind of fish Feebas would become. She imagined it would be something large, maybe like a Wailmer. Maybe its rough-looking skin would become something like a stone carapace. Would its typing change to reflect that?
But the shape of her Pokémon grew long, long and slender and huge, rising high above her head, and she stumbled back and fell, mouth agape at whatever was happening. Then, finally, the glow receded.
And Serena was looking at an absolutely enormous Milotic.
For a moment she thought there must have been a mistake, that maybe her Pokémon had gotten…switched, somehow, but then Milotic lifted its head and sung that same haunting melody it had sung when they first met.
"Congratulations, Milotic!" Ash said.
The now-serpentine Pokémon gracefully bent down its head and nuzzled against Ash's cheek. The man laughed and rubbed its jaw.
Then Milotic turned its piercing gaze on her. It was a bit startling, compared to the vacant state she was used to, but…well, Milotic had been so happy to evolve, hadn't it? So she smiled and raised her arms for a hug, now only able to wrap her arms around her Pokémon's head. "Milotic, I'm so happy for you," she murmured against its scales. "Congratulations!"
The fan-like tail came around her in an approximation of a hug and she laughed. There was something about the shimmering scales, the elegance, the song her Pokémon was still singing, that finally calmed down that anxiety she'd been feeling since she'd stumbled back into Ash's life less than an hour ago.
"Thank you, Milotic," she said.
The serpent nodded, then nuzzled her one last time before sinuously swimming back to its now very-impressed new friends.
Ash sat down next to her. "Were you surprised?" he said with a mischievous grin, reminding Serena an awful lot of their little friend Hoopa from many years ago.
Serena rolled her eyes. "You couldn't have…I don't know, warned me?!"
He laughed. "No way! It was way too good of a surprise!" He handed her Swablu, who fluffed up her wings and waddled off towards Ash's flying-type squad. "Besides, I know that Feebas only evolve when they've been very well taken care of." He nodded resolutely. "And because it's you, I knew it was probably the most well-taken-care-of Feebas ever. Of course it was ready to evolve."
Serena blushed at his praise of her caretaking. "You couldn't have known that," she said. He just grinned at her, pleased as could be.
"So…what are you doing in Kanto?" he asked after a while.
She laughed nervously. "I could ask you the same."
He raised an eyebrow, but said, "I'm taking a break from all the…champion stuff." He sighed and flopped back on the grass. "Like, permanently. I just want to…to not worry about all the stuff champions have to worry about. Did you know there's paperwork? There is! So much paperwork! And so many meetings and interviews, and so little battling or even training. I was going crazy. So I came home. I'm not defending my title anymore." He took a deep breath. "It's been good for me, being here. I think I'm staying home for a while. I'm gonna help my mom out with the inn, work with all my Pokémon. I've done the champion thing, and it's time for something else." He rolled his head to look at her. "Now, why are you here?"
He wasn't going to let it go. She felt her lower lip trembling, drew herself into a tight little ball.
She heard him push himself back to a sitting position, felt the heat of his hand hovering over her shoulder. "Serena?" His voice was so quiet…
"I'm not okay," she whispered. "I'm really, really not okay."
There was a pause, then a hesitant, "Do you want a hug?"
She did, so she turned and let herself sort of fall against him. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned his head against hers.
"What's up?" he said after a while, his voice warm and soft. "Why aren't you okay?" He paused for a second. "Did something…happen? Did someone hurt you?"
She shook her head. The only person to blame here was herself. And she hadn't told anyone. She'd been too scared to. She'd even been scared to think it herself. Could she even tell Ash? What a burden for him. No, she couldn't possibly…
He started rubbing her back, little circles with his big, warm hands. "You don't have to tell me," he went on. "But I'll listen."
Tears filled her eyes and flowed over. It was so safe, so warm…
"I wanted to…I was…" She swallowed. "I was…suicidal."
The hand on her back paused, then he was pulling her closer, wrapping her up even more in safe and warm, and she almost sobbed. She'd said it. She'd admitted it. And he was just hugging her harder.
"I know I need to talk to a…a therapist or something, but…but I couldn't tell my mom or anyone, they'd make such a big deal of it, and…and what kind of example would that be for all those little performers? I finally get the performance committee to accept any participant regardless of gender and then…and—and then…" She hated herself. She hated that she needed help. She hated that she hated needing help. "I can't, I—I couldn't…"
"Hey, it's alright," Ash said, his voice rumbling in his chest, one of his hands stroking her hair now. "You're alright. Can you take some deep breaths for me?"
She hadn't realized she wasn't really breathing right, so she focused on that, on slow, calm, deep breaths. On his warm hands. On the sunlight on her skin, the grass against her legs, the sounds of happy Pokémon.
"There, see? You're fine. I've got you."
She relaxed against him. He smelled of Pokémon—of course he did—and like a forest right after rain. She kept breathing slowly and deeply, just feeling safe.
"So…therapy," Ash said slowly. "I think you should try it. I've heard it really helps. I don't know any therapists, but I'm sure there's good ones nearby." He drummed his fingers on her shoulder once. "Do you…want me to come with you? We can head to the city, see what's available."
He wanted to help. She was torn between feeling relieved and feeling so guilty she wanted to shrivel away into nothing. She hadn't planned on this. She honestly hadn't planned to go to a therapist at all, even if she needed to. She hadn't had any plan at all other than get away.
Pancham startled her by squirming his way into the hug, then Delphox cuddled her from behind and Sylveon rubbed her little face against her arm and wound her ribbons around her. Swablu landed on her shoulder and fluffed up a bit, and then Milotic wrapped itself around them all.
Ash chuckled and tucked her head under his chin. "See? You're not alone. We're all here to help."
Her lips trembled and she smiled ever so slightly. She did want to get better—for herself, for her friends. She'd…she'd let them help, even if she didn't like it. There was no way she could do this on her own.
—
Ash went with her to the nearest city. They walked, of course, and Ash even brought his Kalos team for nostalgia's sake. It was really nice.
"You know, since Teal City doesn't have a Pokémon Gym, I hardly ever go there except for shopping," he said. "Or if Professor Oak has a delivery he needs picked up. And I usually drive, so it's kind of nice to walk!"
Serena laughed. "Wait, you can drive?" The mental image of Ash behind a steering wheel just didn't make sense.
"Well, yeah! Pallet Town is so far away from everything that the only way to get anywhere quick is by using a vehicle, and I'm not gonna make my Pokémon pack animals." He then proceeded to tell her all about the electric truck he used—he was very hyped about it. That was probably the real reason he didn't want to use his Pokémon, who she knew would have been happy to help—Ash just really wanted to drive his cool car.
As they walked, she realized he wasn't treating her like a fragile little thing, like she'd break at any sign of hardship. He was just himself, treating her as he always had. Serena appreciated it more than she could put into words.
—
She'd been staying in Teal City for a few weeks now, renting an apartment with her savings and going to therapy every day.
Already, Serena had learned a lot. There were a lot of 'cognitive-behavioral' things she learned—how she talked to herself in her head, her behaviors and habits, all mattered a lot. Bad habits needed to be replaced with good, healthy habits.
It was hard.
Her Pokémon helped her as well. She trained with them every day for exercise, and Milotic had learned new songs that had a potent effect on her mood.
Today, though, she was rather excited—her therapist said she had a new form of treatment she thought Serena would be receptive to. Serena walked into her therapist's office and was immediately distracted by the very cute green cat sitting on the couch she usually sat on.
"Serena," her therapist, Hallie, said with a smile from her armchair to the immediate left of the couch, "I'd like to introduce you to Sprigatito. Sprigatito, this is Serena."
The cat meowed softly, blinking its big eyes. Serena sat down on the couch by Sprigatito and held out her hand. "Hi, cutie," she said in her gentlest voice. "Nice to meet you."
The cat sniffed her hand, then daintily stood and walked with tiny paws over to lay down in her lap. Serena could barely keep her happy squeal in.
Hallie laughed. "I thought you'd like her. By the way, this is the treatment I was talking about. Sprigatito are known for their ability to emit certain aromas, and a colleague of mine in Paldea has been researching some specific lines of Sprigatito and their distinct scents as an antidepressant."
"Wow," Serena said as she gently placed a hand on the cat's back and began to pet it. "This is one of them?"
Hallie nodded and tapped her tablet a few times. "Yes, one from a line that she's had significant success with. I've just sent you the information packet. Why don't you read it and tell me what you think? I'll answer any questions you have."
Serena pulled out her phone and quickly found the information and began to read. It sounded promising—especially the part about people who were receptive to a Milotic's songs and similar Pokémon abilities having increased chances of seeing improvement with Sprigatito.
"I think it sounds wonderful," Serena said honestly. The program was an adoption kind of thing, with regular visits to the person's normal therapist to check up on both Pokémon and their human.
Hallie nodded and put down her tablet. "You saw the part about Milotic?"
"Yeah, that was really interesting." Were some people just more receptive to a Pokémon's natural abilities? "It's part of a research project, right?"
"Yes. For you, it would mean you have to answer a few questions every week, but really nothing out of the ordinary for our talks." Hallie smiled then. "I know how much you love Pokémon, and with how well you're doing with Milotic, I thought you'd be an excellent candidate for the study." She pulled out some papers. "This is the paperwork. I'd like you to take it home today to read over and discuss with your Pokémon."
Serena nodded and took the papers, then answered a few questions for Hallie about how she was doing. She did notice a new scent lingering in the air, a very light and soothing one. "Is that smell…?"
"Ah, yes, that would be it. Pleasant, right? The anecdotal evidence about it being soothing was what led Dr Rosa to research it in the first place."
Serena loved it. Vaguely floral, reminiscent of fields of flowers. And she loved the tiny cat who'd fallen asleep on her lap. She already knew what her answer would be, but she'd discuss it with her Pokémon, as Hallie suggested. So, a bit sadly, she said goodbye to the little green cat and the woman who was helping her.
—
Sprigatito was a very lazy little thing, but as her only job was literally to lay around and smell nice, Serena supposed that was acceptable. Not every Pokémon of hers needed to like performing.
—
Serena took a deep breath and looked at her phone again. Ash was supposed to be picking her up soon. He was usually pretty punctual when he came to visit, and he was by no means late, but Serena was definitely more excited today than usual—today was move-out day!
She'd been going to therapy less often. Hallie had discussed reducing her therapy visits to once every week, which Serena had eventually been okay with. When she'd mentioned it to Ash, who came by every Thursday to see her, he'd suggested that she come live with him and his mom instead of staying in the city and renting an expensive apartment. She'd been a bit flustered by the offer and tried to refuse, but then he'd literally called his mom up and told her the situation, and Delia had said the exact same thing.
"I don't want to take advantage of your generosity," Serena had said. It would be a lot nicer living with friends in a nice house, but the Ketchums had categorically refused any monetary compensation from her.
Delia had eyed her, then shrugged. "Then you can help out at the inn. And you can help Professor Oak with Ash when there's nothing to do here."
That was acceptable to Serena.
And now it was time to move!
Right on time, she saw a familiar truck pull up in front of the apartment building. Ash and Pikachu jumped out, then started racing up the stairs to her apartment. She heard the little smack of Pikachu hitting his hands against the door and Ash groaning from farther down the hall. Why did he keep trying to race the little mouse? Oh well. It was kind of cute.
Ash knocked on her door a few seconds later and she opened it with a smile. His answering grin was blindingly bright. "Ready to go?"
They got all her things loaded up, the last of it being Sprigatito's bed, which Serena put on the floor of the truck cab while she held the little cat in her lap.
Ash started driving them back to Pallet Town, talking about what he'd been up to with his Pokémon. He was teaching some of them new moves and was considering making specialized teams. "Just because," was his response when she asked why.
Serena raised an eyebrow. She wondered if he was going to try battling regional champions (as a former champion, he had the privilege of challenging and being challenged by the elite four and champions of every region), but he either didn't know it himself yet or didn't want to talk about it, so she let it drop.
It was interesting to see Ash staying in one place. After a little lull in conversation, she asked him about it.
He was quiet for a while, and she wondered if she'd offended him. Instead of listening to that anxious, mean little voice telling her she'd ruined everything, she petted Sprigatito and took a few deep breaths. She couldn't read minds. She couldn't know he was offended. Even if he was offended, it didn't mean their friendship was over. And Ash was so forthright that he'd just tell her if he didn't want to talk about it.
"My mom," he said at length, "when she was younger, wanted to go on a Pokémon journey." There was no trace of a smile on his face now, an odd sight, and she wondered why he'd brought up his mom. "She was saving up for it by working at the inn. It's been in the family for generations now. Then she met…well, my dad."
Ash had never, ever talked about his dad before. He did not say the word 'dad' kindly.
"He was a trainer. They…fell in love, probably." Oh no. "At least my mom did. She got pregnant with me, and when she told my dad, he left." He scowled. "I don't know what he said to her, but I know she still thinks about it. I know it hurt her a lot." Then he sighed. "My grandma died when my mom was seven months pregnant. So it was just my mom, running the inn on her own, single, teenaged, and very pregnant."
Serena could feel her heart breaking. Delia was such a happy woman—she'd never imagined this kind of past for her.
"So she started saving up for me to go on a journey, before I was even born." He snorted. "I didn't know about all this until recently. My mom may have…gotten a bit drunk." An odd expression crossed his face. "Which was weird. But she did talk about all this stuff."
He sighed and leaned back against his seat, his hands sliding lower on the wheel. "Up until recently, I thought my dad was…I don't know, someone to look up to. Maybe not a hero, but not…not…a complete piece of trash. I wanted to be like him, and I thought if I traveled, I might meet him." He shook his head. "I didn't know what my mom was going through here. I didn't know what she'd been through, and…I guess…I love my mom. I want to stay with her, to help her out." He glanced at her with a sad little smile. "That's why."
"That's a very good reason," she said. Knowing that, she wouldn't bug him about it again, asking when he'd be getting back to traveling. He was where he needed to be.
"And it's been pretty fun staying here, which I hadn't expected," he went on. "I thought it'd be boring, but Professor Oak always needs help, and my Pokémon are always a blast. There's no time to get bored, even if it took some getting used to at first!"
"Nothing we do is ever a waste of time," she said softly.
He laughed. "Exactly!" Then he smiled brightly. "And now you're here, so it's even better!" Pikachu, who was curled up on the middle console, chirped his agreement. Serena petted the electric mouse with a smile.
—
Delia met them outside the house. She gave Serena a hug, which was a bit startling, but it was nice all the same.
"Oh, I'm so glad you're here!" the woman said, and Serena thought she sounded sincere. Delia was as nice a person as Ash was. He'd had to learn it from someone, she supposed. "I have your room all ready for you. I hope you don't mind that the furniture is a bit old."
Serena shook her head emphatically. Had she given the impression that she cared about that kind of thing?! "No, not at all! Please don't worry about that!"
Delia smiled. "Such a sweet girl. Well, come on, I'll show you around." She looked back at Ash. "Sweetie, you can handle unloading everything, right?" She didn't give him a chance to respond, already pulling Serena after her into the house. Sprigatito trotted behind them.
Serena glanced over her shoulder to see Ash shaking his head but smiling.
Delia showed her around, explaining how the inn used to be part of the house itself but had moved to a separate building about ten years ago after some serious deliberation and saving up. "It's nice to have the house just be for us and any friends that visit," Delia said. "And the inn is just down the road here, so it's not like it's a commute or anything!"
—
Despite Delia's assurances that Serena would work at the inn, she never brought up how Serena would help. When Serena asked, not wanting the woman think she was lazy or irresponsible, Delia had just said there was 'nothing to do at the moment, so don't worry about it!'
Scammed by kindness. Delia Ketchum had no intention of letting her work for her stay.
Consequently, Serena spent most of her days at the lab and ranch with Ash and Professor Oak. There had been an assistant there for a long time, but he'd gone off to do some intensive research in another region, so it was just the three of them. Professor Oak appreciated the help (and added her to the payroll despite her protests).
Serena soon found herself getting very invested in the care of Ash's Pokémon. There were so many, of all different types, shapes, and sizes, and while there was obviously nothing wrong with how the professor and Ash were taking care of them, she found herself drawn to the kind of food they had and the type of grooming they needed.
The most obvious Pokémon that came to mind when food was brought up was Snorlax—a Pokémon legendary for its appetite. But, considering it spent most of its time hibernating, it actually consumed about the same as an average Pokémon of its size. It just did so very quickly.
There was actually very little information she could find online about an ideal diet for Snorlax. Most people just assumed it would eat anything and not care about what it was eating. Frustrated, she'd asked Professor Oak (who had asked her to call him Sam earlier that month (bizarre)), and he'd given her the contact info of a couple colleagues who did adjacent research. Ash had also put her in touch with a few of his friends that knew a lot about food in general, and Pokémon food specifically.
Researching and making that specialized food was fun. Fun in a way she hadn't expected. It wasn't like performing, but…but there was something so satisfying about seeing Snorlax wake up, start shoveling food into his mouth, then pause and savor what he was eating, practically glowing with happiness.
She beamed as she watched the Pokémon eat, a little camera set up to record in case something weird or notable happened.
Ash came up beside her, his mouth hanging open. "He's…he's never…" Then he laughed. "Serena, you're a genius! Look how happy he is! It kind of makes me want to try some of his food, too."
Serena shook her head with a smile on her face. "I wouldn't, if I were you. There's so many calories in that stuff that it'll probably kill you."
"Death by good cooking? Not a bad way to go," Ash said, then jumped over the little railing on the porch Serena was on to walk over to Snorlax, who was munching away.
Professor Oak—Sam joined her. "Well done, Serena. You've been keeping track of all your research, right?"
"Yeah, so I don't forget anything." Ash was hugging Snorlax, who roared and then went back to eating. She smiled to see it.
"I know quite a few breeders and trainers that would greatly benefit from your work. If you write your information into a nice, readable format, and are sure to cite all your sources, of course, I can post it for you and share what you've learned."
"Really? Wow, that'd be great! Thanks, prof—um, Sam."
—
(It was much later that she realized that the extra pay on her paycheck that she'd thought she'd imagined was, in fact, royalties from her published work. Serena had somehow forgotten that the professor—that Sam was a scientist of some renown with a considerable following, and that the people contacting her were scientists themselves and considered her a peer. An inexperienced peer, but a peer nonetheless.)
—
She was having such a great time with recipe development that she almost didn't go to therapy one day, wanting to focus on her work.
Ash drove her to Teal City every week. When he found her to leave at their normal time, she tried to demur, and he actually frowned at her. "You make your own choices," he said, his voice low, "but I think it's pretty dumb to stop doing what helps when things are going well."
She physically jerked back a bit. He'd only spoken to her in that tone once before, when he was having a crisis of self in the middle of a freezing forest.
Then he looked around with a frown. "Wait, where's Sprigatito?"
Serena bit her lip. She'd left the little cat sunbathing at the house. Sprigatito had just looked so content sleeping there, and Serena had been feeling good lately. "Well, I didn't think I…I've just been…it's not like I constantly…"
He looked at her, eyes piercing. "So you want to skip therapy for your depression, something which has caused you a lot of pain and trouble and that therapy helps with, and you also don't have your antidepressant for the day."
Well, when he put it that way, it sounded really dumb. So she sighed and said, "Then…can you go get Sprigatito? I'll just…wrap up here real quick."
Serena was quiet on the way to Teal City, petting a slightly perturbed cat.
(Serena had no way of knowing this, but Sprigatito was proud that she was able to help someone with her ability, especially a kind person like Serena who made the yummiest food ever, and being left behind was not something she appreciated. Sprigatito had decided to forgive Serena this time, but if her trainer tried that again, Sprigatito was going to track her down and lay on her lap for hours so she couldn't move and had to just sit there and be happy.)
"Sorry if I sounded mad," Ash said as they drove. "I just don't want you to…to stop…smiling."
Serena looked askance at him. Was he trying to avoid saying he didn't want her to kill herself?
"You…all my Pokémon love you, you know? You smile that one smile at one of them and they strut around like they were noticed by royalty for the rest of the day. Some of them get jealous."
'That one smile'? What did that mean? "I'm sure that's not true."
"Pay attention," Ash said. "You'll see it. And…well, I'll be honest, I kind of feel the same way when you smile that way at me."
Serena's heart skipped a few beats. There he went again, saying things that could be construed romantically. But she couldn't get her hopes up—he was Ash, after all. So she swallowed and smiled and said in a joking voice, "Then I promise to use the power of my smiles for good and not for evil!"
He glanced at her, a small but warm smile on his face. "I'm really glad you came to Kanto, Serena."
"M-me, too."
—
Ash always took them to eat after her therapy sessions. They'd been working their way through the affordable restaurants in Teal City, enjoying the variety. He also liked to hold Sprigatito as they walked around looking for a new place to eat, and the little cat seemed to enjoy his attention, purring or just sleeping in his arms.
Lucky cat.
Ash told her about a festival that would be held in Teal City soon, a traditional Sun Island one. Apparently you got all dressed up for it, and there was tons of local food to try.
"I thought we could go!" he was saying as he waited for her to finish her meal. "And we could rent some outfits."
"Rent?"
"Yeah, they're a pain to make, so my mom doesn't bother, and they can get expensive to keep and maintain, so…yeah, rental outfits!" He grinned. "We could go try them on once you're done eating!"
Serena quickly shoveled the rest of her food in her mouth and stood up. "Let's go, let's go!"
Ash laughed and followed her out of the restaurant, Pikachu on his shoulder and Sprigatito in his arms.
There were apparently a few rental shops for festival outfits, so they picked a nice-looking one and went inside.
Ash tried on maybe three outfits. They were all traditional Sun Island clothes with a Kanto flavor, but he didn't seem to like any of them and eventually just watched as two workers helped Serena get all dressed up.
Women's clothes for festivals were usually fancier, and these workers seemed determined to go all-out. Serena stood there on a little pedestal while the workers dressed her up like a life size doll, building a custom outfit for her. Her eyes sparkled as she asked them questions about fabric and accessories, about patterns and sewing techniques.
"Good ones are made of real silk," one of them said, holding a hair ornament in place and immediately putting it back, "and you can't sew that stuff on a machine. Too tough! They used to use silk under armor because it's so hard to pierce!"
The other worker nodded as she wound a long belt around her and started fluffing up the bow in the back. "All by hand. Very long time to make a good one, a real one. You can get cheap garbage easy, but real kimono take work. And usually a furisode is enough for festivals, but this festival is special! So we're putting together something beautiful. You're from out of town, yes?"
"Yes, I'm staying in Pallet Town right now," Serena said.
"Pallet Town! I have a cousin there, he loves the quiet. Have you ever been to this festival?"
"No, not at all. How about you, Ash?"
Although he seemed to be looking at her, he seemed startled to be addressed, jerking a bit. "Hm? What?"
Serena grinned. He must've been zoned out. He never was one for fashion. "Have you been to this festival before?"
"Oh, no. My mom told me about it, though."
The worker's smile turned a bit mischievous. "First for both of you, then. Wonderful, wonderful. Well, if you go together, you simply must match." She turned her head and snapped, "Amy!"
Another worker popped her head through a door to the back. "Yes, ma'am?"
The woman turned to Ash. "You like sports, yes?"
"Uh, I guess?"
"As I thought, as I thought. You get hot in traditional outfits?"
"Yes…?"
"Amy! Bring out the cotton that goes with this one!" the woman said.
"Yes, ma'am," Amy said before ducking out of sight.
Serena could feel a little blush rising on her cheeks. Matching would imply they were a couple, wouldn't it? "Oh, you don't need to go to all that extra trouble," she tried. "Ash probably doesn't care, right?"
"I think it'll be fun to match!" he said with a bright smile. Then he looked at the worker. "Do you have anything that will fit Pokémon? We take Pikachu and Sprigatito everywhere, and it'd be great if they matched, too."
A flurry of fabric followed, resulting in Ash and Serena standing in front of a large mirror, Ash and Pikahcu in identical clothes and Sprigatito in Serena's arms wearing a little cape made of a silk that matched her dress.
"Wow, we look great!" Ash said, all pumped up.
She agreed. She had unfortunately forgotten what the worker—her name was Umi—had called Ash's outfit, in the swirl of new information about traditional Sun Island clothes, but it had short sleeves and shorts instead of a long-sleeved coat and long pants. Much more Ash's style, especially in the late summer heat. And it was all in a shade that went well with her elaborate, patterned, lovely kimono.
Ash looked at her in the mirror and his smile grew bigger. "Serena, kimono really suits you."
"Y-you think so?" she said, pleased and flustered all at once.
"Yeah, it's beautiful on you!"
She had never once heard Ash use the word beautiful before and nearly fainted dead away to hear him use it in reference to something she was wearing. She was so distracted while the workers helped her undress that she missed Ash asking for the final rental price and paying for it himself. "Ash, you don't need to," she tried to protest, looking around for her wallet. It was probably expensive for all four of their outfits, and she didn't want to inconvenience him—he already paid for all their meals in Teal City.
"I want to! My treat," he said with a smile. "So don't worry about it."
She would worry about it. He should be saving up for his future, whatever it may be, not wasting money on her! The festival was in a month, so Serena secretly plotted to pay him back somehow. It would probably have to be in the form of food and treats.
Umi and the other worker, whose name Serena hadn't gotten, sent them off with smiles and a reminder to come right to them to get dressed for the festival.
Since Serena and Ash had stayed out later than usual, their drive back was in the dim beauty of twilight, a quiet and restful time. Serena was also very appreciative of Ash's truck—it had a very complicated system set up to counteract the inherent roughness of dirt roads. Their drive back was smooth as could be, both Pikachu and Sprigatito cuddled up on her lap sleeping peacefully.
They pulled up to the Ketchum residence and Ash was out and around the car in a flash, opening the door for her and helping her out without disturbing the sleeping Pokémon. Serena put them both in one of Sprigatito's many beds around the house (she was a cute cat and needed nice places to nap, okay?), then stretched and turned to say goodnight to Ash, but he surprised her by grabbing her hand and pulling her back outside. She went with a laugh, curious about what he was going to show her.
They walked for a while and crested a hill, and Serena's breath caught. The Milky Way was laid out before them, a heavenly river of stars and light.
"Wow," she whispered in awe. "I've never seen anything so beautiful in my whole life…"
"Yeah," Ash said just as quietly. "Beautiful."
—
Finally, finally, she was ready to call her mom and friends back in Kalos. She started with her mom.
The conversation was…not easy. But they both made it through, albeit with many tears.
She spent the rest of the day with her Pokémon. After wandering the countryside for hours, she felt like she could go back and talk with Ash and his mom.
Professor Oak joined them for dinner, as he usually did. Ash had been the only to know why Serena had taken the day off work, why she'd spent it alone, and thankfully didn't say anything to the others while they ate.
It was a good meal, too, if a bit more simple than Delia's usual offerings.
"Ash, you keep getting better and better at cooking! This meal is simply delightful!"
"Thanks, Professor! Thanks for letting me leave early so I could make it!"
Serena paused. Ash had cooked this?!
She looked at her plate. Rice along with seasoned meat and vegetables. Again, simple. No doubt he'd used a rice cooker (she was told every family in Kanto had one), but all the rest…it was good. Whatever seasonings and methods he'd used brought out all the flavors perfectly,
Delia was also congratulating her son. "I think you're more than ready to learn more complicated cooking!"
"My next day off, then, will you teach me something new?"
All through the conversation, he kept glancing at Serena, at her plate, and Serena wondered why, but she was admittedly a bit distracted, especially when Ash left and came back with a plate of little roll-looking things.
"I, um, also tried making some bean paste buns. They're not…super great, but they're okay."
She took one and cautiously took a nibble. He was right. Objectively, they weren't the best. Ash seemed to be waiting for a reaction without trying to seem like he was expecting one.
She smiled. "This is great, Ash." He beamed at her.
Serena had never enjoyed a meal more. She cleared her plate and ate four bean paste buns.
Ash was in a good mood all the rest of that night and the next morning, all the way to lunch time. He smiled almost constantly, almost bouncing as he walked around. She was glad that cooking was something he'd learned to enjoy so much!
—
The festival was upon them. Ash drove them to the clothes rental shop in Teal City. Delia had helped Serena do her hair in a pretty updo, ready for the hair ornaments that the shop would add.
They got there early enough that the line wasn't horrendous. Two people went before them, and Serena thought they looked radiant as they left, ready for a fun festival.
The situation for dressing was somewhat comical to her. Amy, who they'd met before, thrust a pile of clothes at Ash and said, "Change into these." Serena was meanwhile ushered onto the little raised platform again and multiple assistants started bringing out layers and accessories under Umi's direction.
Ash smiled, though, and went to change in a little fitting room off to the side. Once he came out, he helped Pikachu and Sprigatito get dressed, and then they all waited for her, watching—she could see their wide-eyed reflections in the mirrors.
Finally Umi pronounced Serena fully dressed and Ash came over to help her step off the platform, holding her hand. She managed to keep the blush off her face, barely—his hands were so warm!
Another worker took a picture of their group all together, and said they'd send it to Ash's email, which he'd apparently given them before. Then they were off for a day of fun and food!
As they walked around, though, Serena felt like she was missing something important. It was hard to focus on that, though, since Ash was determined to try every food he could and kept dragging her from stall to stall.
Then, as a vendor handed Ash yet more food, Serena realized what it was. Every single festival-goer was part of a couple. This was a romance festival!
She couldn't keep the blush off her cheeks this time—her whole face heated up. At least Ash seemed to be oblivious to it. She certainly wouldn't be telling him!
Alas, he seemed determined to be as oblivious as possible to implications, grabbing her hand as he pulled her to the next stall, putting a protective arm around her when some people got a bit too pushy, asking her what she wanted to do, smiling, laughing, and just a generally being exactly what she would have wanted from a date to a festival like this.
It was a long, fun day, and the last part of the festival was a fireworks show. It was crowded as everyone gathered in the plaza for a good view. People kept bumping into her, which knocked her into other people, until Ash just stood behind her, his arms around her to keep her upright. He even put his head next to hers, probably because she was blocking his view (he was only a couple centimeters taller than her).
She tried not to be weird about it, she really did, but she was tired after a full day of being on her feet and found herself leaning back against him. He didn't seem to mind, at least.
The fireworks were beautiful, bright and loud and colorful. Ash would tighten his arms around her whenever he saw one he thought was really cool, a soft "Wow!" leaving his lips each time. She was a bit surprised he was being so quiet, but as his mouth was right by her ear, she appreciated it.
The grand finale left her speechless in awe, and she and Ash cheered with everyone else when it finished. The festival over, it was time to head back to the shop to return their rental clothes.
Ash stopped her from heading in that direction with a hand on her arm. "Walk with me?" he asked.
Confused but willing, she nodded.
He surprised her by taking a snoozing Sprigatito from her and holding the little cat in one arm, then holding out his other arm for her to take. It was a very Europan gesture and she found her cheeks flushing despite herself—she'd always been a sucker for stories of chivalrous knights and their ladies. She tucked her hand near his elbow and he led the way, apparently leading them towards the banks of the river that ran through the city.
It was a lovely night, the moon a thin crescent, the stars glimmering. A warm late-summer breeze blew past every once in a while, and little bug Pokémon chirped into the darkness.
"I had a lot of fun today," Ash said after a few minutes of walking by the river. "Thanks for coming with me."
She smiled and squeezed his arm. "Of course! I had a good time, too. Even if I thought that dango seller might ban you from eating all his stock!"
He laughed. "They were really good!" Pikachu chirped in agreement. Then he stopped, and Pikachu hopped down from his shoulder, patting Sprigatito awake as he got down. After blinking slowly, the little cat followed him and they scampered over to the banks of the river. Serena smiled as she watched them go.
"Serena," Ash said, his voice uncharacteristically a bit unsure. She looked back at him and he swallowed. "I've…ha, wow, didn't think this would be scary!"
She tilted her head. "That what would be scary?"
He paused, mouth slightly agape, apparently trying to find words that wouldn't come. Then he squared his shoulders. "You know what? I've never been good with words anyways, so…"
He was quick—fast as a Quick Attack. He pressed his lips to hers.
Serena froze.
He pulled away a bit, mouth twisted into a nervous frown as he took in her reaction. "I—"
She brought up a hand and pressed her fingers against his lips. She needed a moment to process.
He'd kissed her.
The way he'd been acting…had this actually been a date?
"Why?" she found herself asking.
He pulled her fingers away from his mouth but didn't let go of her hand. "Why? Why what?"
"Why do you…why did you kiss me?"
His frown twisted a little more. "I like you."
She trembled. "But why?" What about her was likable? She knew she was a disaster of a human. She was going to therapy, she'd been suicidal only a half a year ago, and she didn't have a plan for her future. There wasn't anything to like.
His frown relaxed. "Oh, that's easy. You're kind and determined, you make the best treats and are nice when I make bad ones, you work so hard to take care of Pokémon even if they aren't yours, you're creative and passionate, and you have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen."
She flushed. "But I'm…I have depression."
"…so? You're still you." He smiled warmly. "And you haven't let it stop you. You keep going—you haven't given up. You're the strongest, bravest person I know."
Tears were forming in her eyes. How could he think that? How could he like her? "But I'm a mess!"
He shrugged. "We all are. Just different kinds of messes." He huffed. "I've got a hero complex the size of Snorlax, I only just learned how to cook for myself, and it took me until this year to figure out my dad was terrible. And I'm not the brightest guy." The hand not holding hers brushed her cheek, wiping away a few tears that had escaped. "You don't have to be perfect for me to like you. I sure hope I don't have to be perfect for you to like me."
"Of course not," she said. "I—I like you just the way you are." She wrapped him in a tight hug, and he hugged her back just as tightly. Then she giggled. He liked her. Ash liked her!
When Ash pulled back and started to ask what was so funny, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
He made a noise and she smiled into the kiss, and then he tilted his head and Serena's breath caught. They were kissing. She was kissing Ash, and he was kissing her back! His lips were soft, and so warm (all of him was—he might qualify as a Fire-type human). Her heart was racing, her head spinning—
Then a timer buzzed on her phone—the absolute last warning to get back to the rental shop. She pouted but pulled away. At least Ash didn't look happy, either. They collected their Pokémon and headed back to return the clothes.
Umi eyed her meaningfully the entire time they were undressing her. "Anything exciting happen?" she asked. "Our festival is known for that, you know. New beginnings, starting new adventures." Another meaningful glance, this time behind Serena.
Serena, whose face was already hot, giggled. "Um, yes. I…I had a very nice time." She glanced back at Ash, who was helping a grumpy Sprigatito out of her cape while trying to avoid being scratched. "New adventures. I like the sound of that."
Umi smirked. "And we already know he liked your outfit. Well done, I say."
Still flustered, she and Ash finally said goodbye to the rental shop and headed back for the truck. Ash, when they were out of the city limits, held out his hand to her over the middle console. She hesitated only a moment before taking his hand with hers. He then pulled up her hand to press a kiss to the back of it and Serena almost imploded.
"Let me know if I'm being weird or something," he said as he rested their hands on the console. "I have literally no practice with this."
She shook her head emphatically. "Not weird. Not at all." Somewhat tiredly, she wondered if Ash wanted to do 'special training' to be a good boyfriend. Just the thought of that made her giggle—it sounded naughty.
The next thing she knew, Ash was picking her up out of the truck. "Oh, sorry," he said softly. "I was trying not to wake you up."
She mumbled that it was fine and tucked her head against his neck. If he wanted to carry her, she had no problem with that.
Half asleep, she was aware that Delia gasped and rushed over when they got inside. Ash assured his mom that Serena was just sleeping, not hurt or anything.
Then Delia asked, "So, how was the festival?"
"Good. We had fun. Even if you did leave out the whole 'romance festival' thing when you told me about it." The last part was said in as dry a tone as Serena had ever heard from Ash.
Delia laughed. "But you said you had a good time!"
"Yeah, we did," Ash said, and she heard the smile in his voice.
"Here, let's get her up to her room." The two walked up to the bedrooms upstairs, then into the guest room that had turned into Serena's room. "So tidy. Alright, lay her on her bed. We'll just take off her shoes and put a blanket over her."
The did, but instead of leaving immediately, she felt the warm weight of Ash's hand smoothing the blanket over her shoulders, then a heavy sigh. "Hey, mom? How did you know you…um, that you loved…?"
"…your father? Hm. Well, I don't think it's the best example, but…I didn't want to imagine a future if he wasn't by my side. That's when I knew."
"Doesn't sound like a bad example to me," Ash said softly. "It's not your fault he ran off." A hand brushed some hair from her forehead. "…I don't want a future without Serena. I want to…I don't know, but as long as she's there, I'll be happy. We could go anywhere in the world, or we could stay here, and I think I'd feel just as happy either way."
Serena barely squinted one eye open. Ash was looking at her face and noticed her, his eyebrows popping up.
She smiled. She didn't want to let Delia know she'd heard her moment of vulnerability, but Ash had been so sweet just now. So, she whispered, "Me, too."
And she had the rare privilege of seeing Ash look incredibly embarrassed.
"Well, I'm off to bed. I just wanted to be sure you two got home safe," Delia said, and her footsteps receded down the hall and a bedroom door opened and shut.
Serena sat up and crossed her legs, smiling at Ash. She was so—so happy.
He smiled back. "It's not fair that you're so cute."
"I was just thinking the same thing."
He straightened, hesitated, then leaned down to kiss her.
There was nowhere they needed to be, no one there to interrupt. One kiss turned to two, then five, then many more, each one achingly sweet, each one setting her blood on fire.
Finally he pulled back, panting a little. "Wow."
Laughing softly, she stroked his cheek. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you for not giving up on me."
He looked genuinely confused by that. "You didn't give up on yourself. I just helped a bit."
It seemed they'd have to disagree on that. Regardless, it was late, and Serena really was tired. "I'll see you in the morning, okay?"
His response was to kiss her again, long and hard. When he broke away, his smile was blinding. "Yeah. See you then." Then he turned and left, softly shutting her door behind him.
There was so much to look forward to, so much to live for. When her brain tried to temper her expectations, tried to tell her she was useless and pointless and forgettable, she didn't dwell on those thoughts and instead ran through a plan for deciding what Pokémon's diet to focus on next.
It would be a good day tomorrow. She'd make sure of it.
—
Romantic love doesn't fix all problems, nor does familial or any other kind of love or human connection. On their own, therapy, or medication, or exercise, or forgiveness, or gratitude, or meaningful work can't fix you. No *one* thing can do that much.
A life is made of many things, and recovery is made of many things, too.