The Simpsons Tall Stories At a book reading club, Lisa is exasperated that no one read this month's best seller so she asks everyone to tell a story, but make it original enough so that they don't get sued. Chaos soon insues.
Plot
Lisa is annoyed that everyone at the Springfield book club didn't read this month's book.
"You mean no one read this month's book?!" Lisa yelled. Amusingly the book is an autobiography about Bleeding Gums Murphy called Floss I hardly Knew Ye. Hehehe! His dental health is poor...
"Are you lot serious! You're telling me you didn't read this month's book?!" Lisa yelled.
Everyone murmured excuses for why they didn't read it.
"Hey I'm just here for the snacks." said Homer.
"Speaking of which, where have they gone?!" Skinner asked. The box of donuts was empty!
"You should have arrived on time." said Homer.
"I was here half an hour early!" said Skinner.
Lisa sighed.
"I'm sorry Lisa, but if I wanted to read about another depressed soul working himself to an early grave baring his misery to everyone I'd read my own diary." said Apu.
Hugo garbled and growled while scratching himself like a dog does when it has fleas.
"How about we read Radioactive Man Issue 35?" Bart asked holding a Radioactive Man comic.
"No Bart..." said Lisa.
"But comics are the only thing I'll read..." Bart whined.
"The health warning on the back of my pack of cigarettes is like a short story..." said Patty.
"I have a good read here!" Ned had a bible.
"I only like the violent bits. Or freaky bits. Like how did Cain and Abel make more humans without any wives..." said Oscar.
"Aaaaarrrrrrrr! Can anyone here read a treasure map?" asked Sea Captain holding a map.
"Aye aye captain!" said Oscar saluting him.
Bart groaned.
"Ok, everyone come up with a story that inspired you, but change it enough that it's original..."
"Can I read the Dinosaur that Pooped Christmss?" Oscar asked.
"No Oscar..." Lisa groaned.
Bart laughed. "The dinosaur that pooped Christmas! Oh Dougie Poynter..."
Oscar pouted that he couldn't read The Dinosaur that pooped Christmas.
"Okay, okay. I don't wanna seem like a book-tator like Oprah." saud Lisa.
Oprah as a military dictator wearing books as armour stormed in.
"Read my autobiography or suffer!" Book-tator Oprah boomed.
Lisa winced.
...
After Booktator Oprah left.
Hugo chewed on a book.
"Hugo don't chew the books!" Lisa whined.
"Lisa he's teething!" Oscar snapped.
"Well give him something else to sooth him!" said Lisa.
"Anyway. Who wants to start with a story?" Lisa asked everyone.
"Arrrrr! I will wee lass! Listen round while I tell you all a sea shanty..." said Sea Captain.
"Oh great... Captain Hogwash has a story..." Bart groaned.
The sea captain told a story of an old mariner in a bar.
"Imagine if you will, a bar where sailors gather after a hard day at sea..." said Sea Captain Aka Captain McAllister.
Arrrrr! Thar be a tavern ye old sea dog!
The setting was a costal tavern on the boardwalks called Salty's. They have sea shanty karaoke from 9 till 11 at night! Arrrrr!
An old Mariner sat at the bar unaware of the maidens gasping and thinking he his a legendary mariner.
"Oh my gosh! Is it him?"
"Why don't you ask?
"Are you the bar tender?" He asked the bar tender.
"Ya think I'm a cowboy or something?" said the bar tender who strangely resembled Popeye...
A beautiful lady mistook Sea Captain's character for a legendary mariner called the Ancient Mariner.
"Excuse me. Are you the Ancient Mariner?"
"Arrrrr! No you pretty young thing. I'm the Middle Aged Mariner." said the Mariner.
"Oh it's just that the albatross you're carrying..."
He humoured her and told her a story. A story of wise cracking seagulls played by Ol' Gil.
The Middle aged Mariner
The old mariner was on his ship being nice to his crew. His leadership style being like Mr Krabs.
"For he's a a jolly good captain... for he's a jolly good captain..."
"Arrrrrrr! You're making me blush! Now get back to work before I have you flogged!" said Sea Captain as the Middle Aged Mariner.
The pirates gasped.
"Flog you with love..." said the Mariner.
"Awwwwwww!" The crew cooed.
"But seriously get back to work. This deck needs swabbing from all the seagull poop." said The Middle Aged Nariner.
"Oh! Does anyone have any food?" a voice was heard.
"Arrrrr! Who that be? A mermaid?" The Mariner asked.
A talking seagull voiced by Gil wanted food and shelter.
Also he was annoying and kept showing that his butt was bare from feathers falling out from malnutrition.
"Gah! Ok! Get that thing out of my face." said Sea Captain.
He, I mean Gil the gull would then fly about going "Yessiree Bob."
Then he bathed in the soup making everyone sick.
"Ye poisoned half me crew!" The Mariner yelled.
"Well I did take a bath in the soup..." said Gil the gull.
"I'll kill ye!" The Mariner yelled.
Gil then drove the rest of the crew to suicide with depressing songs.
"They leapt overboard!"
And despite boasting he had exceptional navigation skills. Guiding the ship off the face of the flat Earth. Sea Captain, ship and all plummeted into oblivion.
"Coooool!" Oscar cooed.
"Sir, the Earth is not flat... it's round..." Lisa sighed.
"Arrrrrr! That's what the fat cat globe makers want you to think..." said Sea Captain.
"Uh no... Aristotle discovered the Earth was round. Which was rather enlightening of him considering his theories that Earth is the centre of our solar system..." said Hugo.
Sea captain continued his story. He finally found a use for Gil the gull. An ice breaker when talking to the ladies.
However he put off the pretty lady by reminding Sea Captain he had a full body rash he picked up in Bangkok he needed to see the doctor about.
"Eeeeeeew!" said the red haired lady.
"Okay. That was a story." said Lisa. "Who's next?"
"Oh me mr me!" said Homer.
"Okay Dad. Tell us a story." saud Lisa.
Homer started. "It's called the little engine that couldn't." His story was an obvious parody of Thomas the Tank Engine and The little engine that could.
The Little Engine that couldn't
It was about the citizens of Springfield as trains, with Smithers as the station master.
"Or the fat controller" Oscar replied.
"Stop interrupting!" Homer whined. "Now where was I? Oh yeah..."
Bart laughed. "Fat controller..." Homer throttled him.
"Oz we call him Sir Topham Hat in America for that exact reason..." said Lisa.
"Kids please don't interrupt..." Homer groaned.
The main character is portrayed by Homer as a lazy train who doesn't like doing work. Apparently he is tired because he was at a bar on the wrong side of the tracks last night.
"Homer, I know you were at that bar on the wrong side of the tracks last night..." said Smithers.
Oscar interrupts.
"Aaaaaaagh! They're steam trains! And they have faces!" He laughs madly like Homer did in Treehouse of Horror IV when he saw the dogs playing poker painting.
"Um okay..." Homer narrated.
"Luckily for you Simpson, the orphanage is just half a mile from here." said Smithers as the Fat Controller. Hehehehe! Fat Controller...
"Woohoo!" Homer cheered.
"Up that hill..." Smithers pointed to a steep hill.
"D'oh!" Homer as a train with a face whined.
Oscar was still screaming about cartoon trains with faces.
Homer is sent to deliver toys to an orphanage, but he must go up a hill to get there. Along the way he meets Flanders as another train and after being annoyed by his cheerful attitude,
"Hi diddly ho! Homerino!" said Ned as a train.
"Oh blow it out your smoke stack!" Homer train yelled.
"It's the only way to!" Ned replied chuckling. Homer tricks Flanders into doing his work for him and goes back to the station to refuel.
Then Ringo Starr was narrating for some reason.
"And Thomas had to deliver toys to Santa's grotto." He then sang Beatles songs because he's a Beatle.
"Of god no! Why Ringo?! Why would you narrate a sappy children's show with lame cartoon trains with faces!?" Oscar whined.
"Kid stop interrupting..." Homer growled.
The station is like a bar, but trains don't drink beer. They go to get refuelled with hot coal. Moe is in charge of refuelling the trains.
Then the Fat Controller, played by Smithers, sent Train Disco Stu to the shadow realm.
"I'm banishing you to the shadow realm!" said the Fat Controller.
"Oz no memes..." Lisa sighed.
Homer continued telling his sappy Thomas the Tank engine rip off.
"Oh and Vector from preschool was driving one of the sappy yet creepy trains with faces..." said Oscar.
One of his former classmates from preschool was during one of the trains. The buck toothed blond kid chuckled and made silly faces.
"Yeah but that's a story for another time as the steam engine Homer tricked Flanders into doing his work for him. The end!" said Homer.
"Ok that was a good Story Dad. Maggie would like that one!" Lisa said before Grampa offered to tell a story.
...
"Ok, but no war stories that go off in a tangent..." Lisa explained. Grampa waved his stick furiously and spoke rapidly and unclearly to express his annoyance at Lisa insulting his stories. Then he calmed down and told the story.
It was a loose parody of The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe with Bart and Lisa as the two youngest of the Pevensie siblings. Bart has followed Lisa into Narnia, or at least a lose parody of it.
The Lion, the witch and the Closet
"See, I told you there was a whole other world in here." Lisa explained as they found themselves in a wintery world where it's constantly snowing.
"And I was trying to find a world in the toilet..." Bart looked around in wonder. Suddenly Mr Tumnus played by Comicbook guy appears.
"Greetings children! I am Mr Tumnus! Come with me!" said Mr Tumnus.
"You're a magnificent pagan beast." said Llewelyn Sinclair as some sort of Narnia mythical being.
"Thank you." said Comic Book Guy Mr Tumnus.
"No offence, but our parents told us not to go off with strangers." Lisa explained.
Then Oscar bare foot marched into Narnia from the wardrobe interior angry at Mr Tumnus.
"Give me my socks back! You hairy goat bastard!" Oscar swore.
"Oz language!" Lisa as Lucy scolded Oscar for swearing.
Comicbook Guy Mr Tumnus made a goat bleating sound and ran away holding a sock.
"Hey come back!" Oscar ran after him.
The evil snow queen Jadis, played by Agnes Skinner arrived in her ice chariot. "No come with me! I have Turkish delight!" said Jadis.
"Well you can't say no to some good old Turkish delight!" Bart as Edmund is tempted to go with Jadis.
"No! The Snow Queen is dan-diddly-angerous!" said Ned as Aslan the lion.
"Excuse me, but why would a lion from Africa be found living in such a cold climate like this?" Lisa asked.
"Well, actually I'm an allegory for-" Ned explained however he was interrupted by Grampa Simpson as Santa...
"Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!" said Santa.
"Santa?" Lisa asked.
"I ain't Santa! I'm Father Christmas!" Ok Father Christmas explained... "From Britain!"
"What's the difference?" Bart asked.
"In Britain the candy canes are deep fried!" Father Christmas explains. Offering them unhealthy deep fried treats.
"Mmmm! Deep fried Christmas!" said Homer as Mr Beaver.
"Hi diddly ho! Mr Beaver! Mmmm, all that fried food is making me hungry..." Ned as Aslan greets Mr Beaver, but looks at him hungry.
However all hell breaks loose!
"Help! The Snow Queen is fighting with the white witch and I'm being attacked by the white stag! Run children!" cried Mr Tumnus as a stag rammed him. Meanwhile Agnes as Jadis is fighting Selma as a white witch and Aslan is chasing Mr Beaver trying to eat him. Then two hobbits appear...
"Um, we have this ring and we must destroy it by throwing it into Mount Doom. However we seemed to have got lost." Frodo explained.
Bart and Lisa gave each other looks of disbelief.
Plot 2
They are then later seen outside the mansion holding a garage sale.
"Listen up people! We have a special deal on this wardrobe!" Bart explained. "It comes free with these puzzle boxes from Hellraiser and this Jumanji board game!"
However Peter and Judy rushed up to him and snatched Jumanji. "How did you get hold of this?! Jumanji is not for sale!" Judy explained as she took it and marched off with her little brother.
Bart shrugged his shoulders.
The story ended as the main characters got fed up with the ridiculousness of it all.
"That was just awful..." Hugo said disgusted by the inane story.
...
"Okay who's next?" Lisa asked.
Hugo wanted to tell a story.
"Okay Hugo what's your story." Lisa asked.
Hugo just growled and snarled in gibberish.
"Hugo we can't understand you when you talk in gibberish. Slow down and think about what you are trying to say." said Lisa.
Hugo sighed.
Patty told a story.
It was Little women but um... literally.
"Well I guess it's true. Cigarettes really do stunt your grownth." said Selma to Patty.
"Um... Okay that was a short story..." said Lisa.
Apu just talked about his day. Handling shoplifters. Homer's antics. Pretending he couldn't speak English when dealing with customer complaints. Being held at gun point by Snake. Being a hummingbird after a 96 hour shift...
"Apu that's not a story..." Lisa sighed.
"Here we go with being a book-tator again..." Oscar sighed.
"Fine... Apu can tell us his life story and you can read to us The Dinosaur that pooped Christmas..." Lisa sighed.
"No offence Oz but despite how funny the premises of that book is, it's still sappy and babyish..." said Bart.
"You take that back!" Oscar yelled.
"Make me." said Bart.
They fight.
"Guys don't scuffle..." Lisa sighed.
"Uh I was telling a story here..." said Apu.
"Why don't you just read to us The Life of Pi?!" Oscar yelled.
"Mmmmmmm! Pi..." Hugo drooled with hunger.
"Are you assuming just because I'm Indian I'd know what that book is about?! You boy are racist!" Apu ranted.
...
Bart volunteered to tell a story. "Go ahead Bart."
"It's called Lisa Longsocks. Once there was a girl called Lisa Longsocks.. she lived in a treehouse with a cool monkey and a pony." Bart started the story.
Lisa Longsocks
"Help! Bullies are stealing our milk money!" Nerds cried.
"Nyaaaaa! Our cakcium!" Database whined.
Lisa Longsocks juggled the bullies until they surrendered because they were giddy.
The Nerds thanked Lisa and drank their milk. However Milhouse suddenly realised he was lactose intolerant.
"Oooooooh! The painful bloating..."
"Aww, such a strong female lead! And she has a pony!" Lisa praises Bart. He blushes.
"Then her brother Bart Longsocks arrived." Bart explained.
"Hey Sis, I need somewhere to crash." Bart Longstockings explained.
"Ok..." said Lisa Longsocks.
However Bart made her monkey and pony carry his luggage. Also Bart and Lisa Longsocks have kooky funny clothes on... Ie mismatched socks and rags...
"It's a reference to Pippi Longstockings..." Bart sighed.
Then Lisa beats up Dolph as a picnic basket stealing ape.
"Why not a picnic basket stealing bear..." Oscar whined.
"Because that would be copyright infringement..." said Bart.
Bart Longsocks took credit for beating up the ape.
"Baaaaaart!" Lisa Longsocks yelled.
"Okay You can have credit for something I actually did." said Bart Longsocks.
He was in the news for ruining a high society party. A posh shin dig. He was pictured face down in a cake. The heading was "Lisa ruins High Society party."
"Baaaaaart!" Lisa Longsocks yelled.
That wasn't all Bart did.
"And you set fire to Australia?!" Lisa yelled. What is it with Bart and Australia...
"Not all of it..." said Bart.
"Bart why do you keep messing with Australia..." Oscar sighed.
"Do you kids mind keeping it down. I have to do a cereal commercial for something called Coco Pops..." said Lisa Longsocks's monkey.
Oscar in the book club laughed hysterically.
"No Oz!" Bart groaned.
However Bart was too noisy and made a mess. Eventually Lisa's monkey and pony got fed up clearing up after him and being treated as servants. They quit.
"You're quitting?!" Lisa asked.
"We never agreed to be servants! And quite frankly your brother's hygiene is terrible!" said the pony.
"Yeah and that's coming from someone who sleeps in a stable!" said the monkey.
Even Lisa got fed up and called their divorced parents in for a meeting. For the sake of this story, Mom is an angel in heaven and Homer is a pirate.
"Oooooh! I really have to help my crew fight Bluebeard!" Homer as a pirate whined.
"Why don't you go and live with Mom?" Lisa asked Bart.
"Why don't you go and live with Mom?" Bart asked.
"Fine..." Lisa sighed. Marge flew her back to heaven.
Lisa enjoyed herself and even helped out her mom.
They even arrested Treehouse of Horror XI Satan. Aka Damien and Nemo's father, but they haven't been introduced yet.
"Satan has a rap sheet as long as God's arm." said Marge.
"Thanks Mom, but I really want to get home and see how Bart's doing." said Lisa Longsocks
I wonder what sort of mess Bart's got himself into... Lisa thought. However she found Bart had formed his own rock band with Lisa's monkey and pony and was extremely popular.
"I guess Bart's right, boys will always be better than girls..." Lisa Longstockings sighed.
"That's the name of his next album! Boys will always be better than girls!" said a rabbit.
...
"That's it?! Boys are better than girls?!" Lisa yelled.
"I just call 'em as I sees 'em, sis..." Bart smirked.
"Oh real mature Bart... Well I've got a story... A story about a boy just like you..." Lisa sighed as Bart laughed. She then smugly told her story.
"It's about a boy just like you..."
The Carnival of Terror
Homer was one evening taking Bart and Milhouse to the fair. There was a magic merry go round ride being attended to by Sideshow Bob. (However in this story Bart doesn't know who Sideshow Bob is)
Homer wants to go on the merry go round.
"The only merry go round or roundabout I wanner go on is one with Zebedee..." said Oscaf.
"Sap..." Bart teased him for liking baby shows.
So Homer goes on the merry go round, however it goes backwards. He whines that he feels giddy and ages backwards. Once the ride ends he is ten years old again.
"Dad? You're my age?!" Bart gasped.
"Woohoo! My wish worked!" Homer cheered.
"Now it's your turn, both of you." said Sideshow Bob sinisterly.
"Um no thanks, I'm already my age." Bart replied.
"Come here!" Sideshow Bob chased them.
"Run!" Bart yelled. They ran through the magic mirror house just as Edna ran out screaming about horrible reflections. Bart, young Homer and Milhouse saw the scary reflections.
"Aaaaaaaagh!" They screamed and ran out. Bart and Milhouse lost Young Homer.
"Oh no! Where's Dad? Dad!?" Bart tried to look for Homer.
"I ain't you Dad! I'm Grampa and I just went to the fair!" said a young Abe. Sideshow Bob must have got to him too.
Eventually Bart found Homer hiding in the sewers.
"Dad... why are you in the sewers..." Bart asked.
"Sideshow Bob was scary and I'm waiting for Moe's to open to have a couple of beers." Young Homer replied.
"Dad, you're my age! You can't drink for another eleven years!" Bart explained.
"No drink for eleven years?! Nooooooo!" Young Homer screamed an ran away.
"Hey! Shouldn't you be at home doing your homework?" Principal Skinner said as Young Homer ran past followed by Bart and Milhouse. They headed back to the fairground.
However Milhouse accidentally knocks Krusty onto the merry go round. It goes forward a bit before throwing him out very old.
"Leaping lizards! You must be a hundred years old now!" Milhouse remarked.
"Yeah, but my books I'd say I'm eighty..." Old Krusty replied. However Sideshow Bob found them.
"Now I have you!" Bob tried to grab them but they escaped. Milhouse bashed into a tree and dropped his glasses.
Bart hid in the mirror house. "Oh yeah, the scary reflections.., I mean- Aaaaaaaagh!" Bart remarked before screaming. Milhouse blindly stumbled in.
"You know without my glasses these reflections look kinda funny!" Milhouse said before laughing.
"Laughter?! Noooooooo! My one weakness!" Sideshow Bob screamed before his evil fairground collapsed around him and he vanished without a trace.
"With Sideshow Bob gone the fairground is just an ordinary fairground. Luckily I have the instructions to get this magic merry go round working again..." said Krusty.
...
At the Simpsons house.
"Now, you'll understand that in my old age I may have forgot a few things so heh... Don't be mad..." Krusty explained. The camera pans to reveal Krusty's attempts to restore everyone's ages went horribly wrong and he even screwed up Bart and Milhouse who didn't need to use the merry go round.
"But why am I a girl now..." Girl Milhouse asked.
"Maybe you shouldn't have sat on it sidesaddle." said old Homer as he chewed apple sauce. He went too old.
"Well, I think everything turned out just right..." said a young Abe in his thirties as he admired himself in a hand mirror.
"Easy for you to say... now change Bart's diaper, he's starting to stink up the place..." Homer pointed to a babyfied Bart sitting in a diaper crying.
The end.
...
"Oh so I'm a baby now?! That's real mature Lisa..." Bart groaned.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Bart frowned at him.
"What's that burning smell?" Lisa asked.
"It's time for the monthly book burning club Lisa! And that novel you left on the table burnt so well!" Reverend Lovejoy said joyfully.
Lisa sighed and facepalmed as she went home.
"Doesn't anyone in this town read?!" Lisa yelled on the way home.
"I read." said Hugo.
"I do!" said Martin.
"Okay now I have nothing to complain about. Let me complain!" Lisa whined.
Oscar rolled his eyes.
Plot 3
They are still on their way home...
"How about I tell a story." said Oscar.
Bart groaned knowing it would be weird.
"Okay that's fair..." said Lisa.
The Brontosaurus with Irritable Bowel Syndrome
There once was a boy band called Mcfly. However the band members Dougie Poynter and Tom Fletcher felt screaming fan girls wasn't for them and decided to wreck their reputation writing kids books about defecating dinosaurs with nauseating gross out humour and body fluids.
Oscar continued narrating.
One Christmas a little boy and his dinosaur, yes he somehow has a living, breathing dinosaur for a pet... The boy will be portrayed by moi, Oscar Tamaki. The dinosaur being my buddy Dino. (Who looks like a baby chomby because I am frigging stuck designing him!) They were celebrating Christmas when Dino decided to eat the entire Christmas tree... and decorations...
Dino was eating the Christmas tree, lights and tinsel...
Dino barked and started eating the Christmas tree and decorations.
"Holy macaroni!" Oscar yelled.
Then he ate the presents.
"The presents! Bad boy! Stop that!" Oscar yelled.
Dino ate the Christmas presents.
Oscar cried.
Thrn he got extremely violent diarrhoea and...
"Okay I get it! Gross!" Lisa groaned. "Seriously what is wrong with Dougie and Tom?!"
"Ugh..." Hugo groaned in disgust.
"I AM NOT FINISHED!" Oscar yelled. Startling them.
"Then amongst Dino having serious diarrhoea... there were green cartoon bear cub's with big wet shiny green noses..."
"Oz seriously! Knock it off with your weird obsession with that creepy bear cub or I will incinerate him with my phaser!" Hugo yelled.
"You can't destroy figments of my imagination..." Oscar states smugly.
...
Meanwhile The Middle aged Mariner finally got rid of the annoying talking seagull.
Only to be harrassed by the seagulls from Finding Nemo!
"Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!"
Oscar's friend Irreep laughed hysterically.
Lisa winced.
Also Handsome Pete the midget sailor clown playing a concertina was there.
Bart winced.
Elsewhere in Cartoon train land!
"I'm banishing you to the shadow realm!" saud Train master Smithers.
"Noooooooo!" said a cartoon train vanishing.
"Much better." said Smithers.
"Only owners of a millennium Item can banish people to the shadow realm..." Yami Bakura sighed.
Vector from Oscar's preschool was driving one of the cartoon sentient trains with faces. He kept goofing off by pulling silly faces or by wearing Kanye West Venetian blind glasses.
"Hehehe!" The little preschooler giggled.
Elsewhere in Narnia.
But where Edmund and Lucy didn't get fed up with the nonsense in Narnia and hobbits.
"Ah. The two sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve! Best guests ever!" said Comic Book Guy Tumnus. Read the book. There's bible references etc...
Bart signed an autograph forMr Tumnus using Lisa, who is Lucy, as a lectern to write on.
Lisa frowned.
"Are you writing me an autograph?" Mr Tumnus asked.
"Sure. Anything for a faun." said Bart as Edmund.
Oscar was the bare foot child who has lost his socks and swears arrived hopping mad.
"Hey gimme back my socks you hairy goat bastard!" He yelled.
...
In reality.
"So kids, how was book club?" Marge asked as she for whatever reason didn't attend.
"No one has read Bleeding Gums Murphy's autobiography..." Lisa groaned.
"Yeah but on the bright side Lisa suggested we all tell a story and they all extremely random and nonsensical which I loooooove! Hehehe!" Oscar chuckled.
"Yeah quite a few people in town have rather um interesting imagination..." said Lisa.
"Well I have a story." saud Marge.
"Please can it not be that pirate you have a crush on... Your married to Homer..." Oscar groaned.
Marge sighed and rolled her eyes. "People are allowed to have crushes on fictional characters Oscar... Even after marriage."
Marge and um Lorenzo
Marge was imagining that sexy pirate again.
"The seas sure are heaving!" said Marge.
"Yes but not as much as your heaving bosom, m'lady." said Lorenzo the pirate.
Marge giggled.
"Marge with my psychic powers we're all imagining what Lorenzo sounds like and I can tell you that accent is the same accent Julio the gay hair dresser talks in. Um I don't think your crush likes women..." said Oscar.
"Don't interrupt..." said Marge.
"Does that earring mean you're a pirate?" Marge asked Lorenzo.
"Maybe..." said Lorenzo.
"Yeah a butt pirate... Ho yeah!" said Oscar.
Marge sighed.
anyhoo back to the story of infidelity...
"Does that earring mean you're a pirate?" Marge asked.
"Maybe..." said Lorenzo the closeted gay pirate living in denial.
"But now let's go back to my cabin and..."
Saxophone music plays.
"Oh what is that noise?! Well I'm done..."
Marge sighed as Lisa's saxophone playing interrupted the story.
...
Bart and Hugo were playing that Boxing game Bart and Homer play in Moaning Lisa.
"I hope you're not too rusty for this, bro." said Hugo holding the player 2 controller.
"Don't call me bro." Bart frowned at him.
"Hey look at the time! Oh, that's right. It's almost shut up o'clock," Hugo yelled.
Bart sighed.
Oscar came in.
Bart offered to high five him but siked him. "Ha! Whoops!" Oscar face planted.
"I believe the vernacular is...sike." said Hugo in a geeky manner.
Bart frowned at him.
Oscar belched.
"Oscar, I implore you to desist from such eructations." Hugo sighed.
"Uh?" Oscar asked baffled.
"He's asking your to quit belching. But he's being a total geekzoid about it..." Bart explained with a sigh.
Hugo frowned as Bart turned on the console and the game loaded.
Downstairs.
Homer imagines the red space coyote again. Or Colonel Klink.
Marge is annoyed because this caused trouble.
"Marge, I can't control what I imagine." Homer whined.
"Yes you can!" Marge nagged.
"No he can't!" Oscar for once defended Homer. "I still hate you for bullying Hugo but no one tells us highly imaginative lot to control what we imagine."
Marge grumbled annoyed.
"Ahoy hoy!" said Mr Burns.
Homer screamed.
"Oh I'm just here to tell a story..." said Mr Burns.
"Okay but you better not make up three imaginary identical nephews and rip-off Disney's Ducktales again..." Oscar sighed.
...
BurnsTales Woooooohoooo!
Mr Burns did precisely that.
In the story Mr Burns read a news article about there possibly being sightings of El Dorado. The lost city of gold and a crap Dreamworks film.
He called upon his identical nephews who are clearly based on Huey, Dewey and Louie...
They also talk in unison in a creepy manner.
"My nephews, we're going to the Amazon!" said Mr Burns.
"Well I'm going to the quiet archipelago of Ebay..." Oscar quipped.
"There's no such country just because they're both shopping websites..." Hugo sighed.
Smithers went with them.
"Also we need to hire an old fashioned biplane pilot wearing goggles and a scarf..." said Mr Burns.
They hired some guy who looked an awful lot like Launchpad McQuack...
"Uh okay..." said Bart.
Oscar sang the theme tune to Ducktales.
Then they flew to the Amazon.
Once there, Mr Burns had to be extremely cruel for no reason and stole candy from a native Amazon tribesmen kid.
The native kid cried.
Elsewhere in the Amazon.
"Where do they keep everyone's parcels?" Oscar asked.
Hugo face palmed. "That is the website! This is the Amazon rainforest!
They then encountered the cute friendly tiger with the big wet shiny brown nose from the Ducktales title sequence. He sniffs the cowering boys with his big wet shiny nose then suddenly hugs them. D'aaaaawwwwww!
Hugo blushed as the cute tiger hugged them.
Elsewhere Mr Burns and his nephews were chased by Hovitos from Indiana Jones...
"If only I spoke Hovitos!" Mr Burns gasped.
They got back to Launchpad and his plane. Mr Burns cursing the angry natives along the way.
"See the world... it'll be fun... tch! I should have just bought myself a globe!" Mr Burns ranted.
The Hovitos hurled spears etc.
Elsewhere the cute tiger from the Ducktales title sequence guided Oscar and Hugo through the jungle.
"Well at least he's protecting us." said Hugo.
Also there was a chubby lady hiding in the bushes!
"How is that relevant to the story?!" Bart said frustrated.
Oscar, Hugo and the friendly tiger came across lost city of El Dorado.
"Ooooooh! Shiny!" said Oscar.
Mr Burns and his triplets arrived!
"Not so fast! That's my gold you hear!? Mine! All mine!" He ranted.
"Don't be greedy! Besides we found it first!" said Oscar.
"I insist..." Mr Burns pointed an old fashioned flintlock pistol at him.
"Our new friend this tiger insists you leave. Now..." said Oscar as the cute, friendly tiger from the Ducktales title sequence protected him by getting in front of him. The tiger growled.