Bart Gets Drunk It's St Patrick's Day and it's one wild, chaotic one this year! During the drunken festivities Bart accidentally swallows a large volume of beer through his vuvuzela and gets drunk!
PlotBart and Lisa are on the school bus to school. Lisa's wearing a green dress. "Ha! You look silly!" Bart teases her.
"Funny, I don't feel silly..." Lisa smirked. They arrive at school and go in.
Hugo follows running about on all fours like a dog. He has a green t shirt on.
Even Hugo's wearing green... Bart thought,
However everyone is wearing green.
"Oh no! St Patrick's day!" Bart realises as his friends and other students rush him.
"That's St Paddy's, Boyo!" they reply as they bundle on him and pinch him. Especially the boy wearing pink shades.
"Pinch! Pinch! Pinch!" said Milhouse joining in.
"Happy St. Patrick's Day, loser!" said Nelson pinching Bart.
"Ow! Quit it!" Bart groaned.
"It's the wearin' of the green, Bart!" said Milhouse pinching him.
"Pinch, pinch, pinch!" said someone.
"No one's pinching his legs." said Ralph.
"Why- Ow! Aren't- Quit it! You- Ow! Pinching Oscar? Ow! Milhouse! That really hurt!" Bart struggled to argue.
"Because he's already wearing green! Doofus!" Nelson replied. Oscar pointed to his green goggles.
"Oh yeah..." Bart sighed as everyone stopped pinching him.
"I don't even celebrate St Patrick's day! I'm English Guv!" Oscar replied. "I celebrate St George!"
"With your liberal PC government?!" Bart gasped.
"Yeah, like I care what those lovey dovey hippies think..." Oscar snarks.
Hugo scratched himself like a dog with fleas. Because of his body lice.
...
Meanwhile at the retirement home.
"St Patrick's day huh? I remember when I kicked out all the Irish!" Abe Simpson ranted.
"And a fine job ye did, Laddie!" said an old Irish man.
"You sunk my battleship." said Jasper playing battleship.
"Jasper that's not funny after a million times..." Abe sighed.
Elsewhere Oscar annoyed Mr Burns by giving all his employees minus Homer and his friends who bunked off work early, green cookies for St Paddy's day.
"Green cookies?!" Mr Burns seethed.
Oscar laughed maniacally and made a rude face at Mr Burns.
"Mmmmmmm! These cookies are great." said an employee.
Elsewhere Springfield's mysterious State of the fifty states of the US was on a fault line so suffered tremors occasionally.
Inane Brian felt a sharp tremor.
"Ace did you feel that tremor?" Inane Brian asked.
"That tremor was caused by your mom..." said Ace being rude.
Brian rolled his eyes.
Meanwhile New York was being destroyed by a giant Ed Koch.
"Oh my god! Save yourselves! New York is being destroyed by an 8 foot Ed Koch!" Rick Moranis cried.
A giant Ed Koch was stomping through New York.
"Hey. How am I doin'? Hey, how am I doin'? Hey, how am I doin'?" said the giant Ed Koch.
Inside one of the skyscrapers Lucky the Lucky Charms Leprechaun was Reading a newspaper.
"You guys celebrate Ireland once a year. I celebrate my homeland everyday. Begorrah etc." said Lucky.
...
At Moe's after work.
"It's been St. Patrick's Day for hours, and I'm still not drunk yet!" Homer whined. "Oh, it's never gonna be 9:00. Moe! Moe!"
Barney groaned.
Moe arrived and started opening up.
"Thank God you're here. We'd like to come in and drink, please." Homer begged.
"We kicked down the back door, but then there was a metal door." said Barney.
"Which I cut a hole through with this high powered laser watch Hugo invented." said Oscar in the tavern. The back steel door had a hole cut through it from a laser.
Moe grimaced exasperated.
"Yeah, all right. Listen up. This is the busiest drinking day of the year. Where are the designated drivers?" Moe spoke. A guy out up his hand. "Beat it! I got no room for cheapskates."
The designated drivers left.
"This is gonna be the drunkest St Patrick's Day ever!" said Moe.
"You said it Moe!" said Homer as they all went inside.
The barflies sat down and started drinking.
Moe put on the news.
"This is Kent Brockman on this grey, dismal St Patrick's day." said Kent. "Our headlines are... the African country of Chad is now called Dr Death."
"Cooooool!" said Oscar.
"Hey! No minors in my bar! I could lose my license!" said Moe.
"Fine..." Oscar left. He encountered Inane Brian.
"Brian you have to wear something green or you can't make the scene. Well without getting pinched." said Oscar.
"How about I just blow my nose violently over my shirt?" Brian was gonna get snot on his shirt.
"Eeeeeeeew! No! Gross!" Oscar groaned.
...
Soon the celebrations begin. However everyone soon gets too drunk and they break into Kent Brockman's on site studio while he's broadcasting the news.
"People please! This is a private news studio!" Kent yelled. Everyone was breaking everything and causing chaos.
"Hi mom!" Lenny said drunkenly into the camera.
"Top of the mornin' to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. Kent O'Brockman live on Main Street where today... everyone is a little bit lrish... except, of course, for the gays and the ltalians." Kent tried to to tell the news despite the drunk people in the Channel six studio.
"Well now Honey that's certainly not true... Oooooh Green is definitely not your colour..." said a very camp gay Irish man.
"Mamma Mia!" said Luigi. Yes Luigi...
Kent read the news while drunk people said more funny things.
"Hey, have you seen Sully?" said a drunk guy. Possibly Larry the regular barfly at Moe's.
"Can't... do... Monsters... Inc... joke... Doesn't... exist... yet!" Oscar restrained himself from making a joke about something that doesn't exist yet.
Kent sighed frustrated by the drunk people and Oscar invading his Channel Six studio.
"Is this mic live? Fart!" Oscar said fart down the microphone.
Kent seethed frustrated.
"Hey Mom!" said Lenny drunk.
At school.
"So you're..." Martin asked Hugo.
"Bart's twin brother Hugo. We've met once before when I was sneaking out to see the world." said Hugo.
Bart was Lunchbox boxing with Nelson.
Hugo sighed. "I got all the brains..." He read a Jules Verne book.
Marge arrived and dropped Oscar off.
"So you finally arrived Oz..." Hugo sighed.
"Your Mom made me go in today..." said Oscar sulking as he was having fun annoying Kent when the drunks bursted into his studio.
...
School then closed early and Bart went home to get changed into something green.
"Come on, Bart! You'll miss the parade!" Marge called down to him.
"Cool! Your mom from Homer's photographic memory is here!" said Oscar to Lisa as Bart came downstairs. He did finger quotes at "Photographic memory." Because Marge had green hair.
"Hrrrrrm!" Marge and Lisa sighed.
Hugo was eating a fish.
Eventually they arrived at the parade.
"Mom, can I get one of those horns?" Bart asked as a shop was selling vuvuzelas to the crowd.
"Fine, but don't annoy people with it." Marge gave him money to buy one.
Hugo jabbered asking for something.
"Hugo I don't understand." said Marge.
Hugo sighed and jabbered slower.
"Think before you say each word..." said Marge.
"I want a shamrock shake, Mom." Hugo managed to say.
Bart then used it to yell at people to move out of the way.
"Beep-beep! Comin' through! Hey, Notre Dame, move it or lose it."
Quasimodo wearing a headscarf to hide himself because Frollo forbade him from seeing any festivals thought someone refer to him but because he's deaf thought nothing much of it.
"Hey Quasi! Outta the way!" Bart yelled.
"Awooga! Will the owner of the ginormous butt please vacate the premise!" said Bart as he was behind a fat woman. He was trying to get to the front.
Then the Duff trucks with hoses manned by swimsuit ladies arrived.
"Bottoms up!" said Lenny as the ladies squirted Duff at them, however it missed and went down Bart's vuvuzela as he was trying to push through the crowd.
"(Spluttering) What the?! Ooooooh..." Bart spluttered as he ingested a large amount of beer. He then became drunk.
"Everyone, everyone get naked!" said Apu speaking through a megaphone. He was clearly drunk.
"Wow! Why not? This party's just getting started!" Kirk Van Hauton was about to strip off. However an old interfering lady interrupted.
"Stop this tomfoolery! That little boy is drunk!" yelled the old lady with a bun hairdo. Bart was drunkenly walking about hiccuping with pink eyes and dark eyelids. Everyone was embarrassed except Bart's friends who cheered.
"Yay! Go Bart!" Milhouse, Richard and Lewis cheered.
...
Meanwhile Homer was getting drunk in Moe's.
"Look at me! I'm the Prime minister of Ireland!" Homer slurred with a barrel on his head. His friends laughed.
The prime minister of Ireland at the time seethed.
"Hey, Homer isn't that your kid on the news?" Carl asked. Homer turned the barrel to see through its hole. Bart was drunk on TV.
Bart then lurched towards a news camera knocked over during the festival.
"What are you looking at?!" Bart sneered at the camera, however Marge pulled him away.
"I'll tell you what we're looking at young man! Yet another St Patrick's Day gone out of control thanks to alcohol!" Kent ranted from his trashed studio.
"Oh thanks boy! Now you've stirred up the whinging crowd!" Homer yelled at a very sick Bart as he was wrapped in a blanket sitting on the couch with a sick bucket. He was vomiting into it.
"Homer!" Marge scolded Homer. "It's Duff's fault Bart's sick! There was no need for alcohol at a St Patrick's festival! Why is Ireland and drunks such a big joke to America!?" Bart puked into his bucket. "That's it dear, you'll be better soon."
"Because... they invented alcohol! They're drunk all the time! And the Simpsons date back to the Irish..." Homer explained. "Besides everyone was having fun until Bart got drunk..."
"Hrrrmmmm!" Marge sighed.
"I'm never drinking again..." Bart groaned before puking again.
"That better not be my fish heads bucket..." said Hugo annoyed.
"No Hugo it's not..." Marge sighed.
"Ugh! Why does every St Patrick's day end in a farce..." Lisa groaned. "All because of alcohol..."
"Stop bad mouthing the booze!" Homer snapped. "I'm going back to Moe's!"
Marge sighed.
"Well any one else gonna embarrass this family today?"
"I got arrested for public nudity..." said Oscar. "What?! Apu told everyone to get naked!"
Plot 2Maude, Helen and others stormed into Mayor Quimby's office.
"We demand you ban alchohol!" Maude yelled.
"Are you ladies mad?! such a law would be terribly unpopular! Why should I?!" Quimby asked rudely. His assistant whispered about an upcoming election. "Don't worry, no one has ever ran against Diamond Joe Quimby! Except that Sideshow Bob fellow..."
"Won't somebody please think of the children!" Helen Lovejoy cried.
"No Mr Mayor!" Homer yelled. He and all the town drunks stormed into the Mayor's office.
"And who are you people?! How dare you break into my office!" Quimby demanded an explanation.
"We're the town's drinkers! And I'm uh Bart's father..." Homer explained. The women booed. "Listen you dumb broads! You're not banning alcohol! It's our secret lover for when we need down time after work and stress from our bratty kids! If you try and ban it, we'll riot!"
"And if you don't, Quimby! We'll riot!" Maude argued.
"Everyone just get out!" Quimby demanded. Everyone left. "Riot... I'd like to see that..."
Elsewhere Marge dropped Oscar over at Ralph's because he was getting on everyone's nerves.
"Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. And the days go byyyyyy!"
Marge sighed.
Clancy answered. "Hey Marge."
"Pervert!" Helen Lovejoy screamed.
"Um... you should probably just ignore that... Oscar climbing through walls again?" Clancy asked.
Marge sighed.
"Ralphie's in his sandbox with a few friends. Real friends this time..." said Clancy letting Oscar in.
Ralph was in his sandbox with Rod and Todd, Vector (A blond boy that really loves transformers and Thomas the Tank Engine.) and Butters from South Park.
Butters dressed as Professor Chaos was singing. "Just say my naaaaame! And I'll be thereeeee!"
"Pwofessor if you wish to help, then make Disney make Pete's Dragon 2!" Ralph yelled.
"Ralphie no raised voices." said Clancy.
...
The next day Maude, Helen and the other protesters were marching down the street with signs demanding alcohol be banned. They marched to Moe's chanting a catchy chant.
"One two three four! No more booze or liquor! Any more!"
However Homer and his friends came out and harassed them.
"Take a hike, you dumb broads!" Homer yelled. His friends jeered and threw beer glasses.
"Hey guys! Those are my only beer mugs!" Moe told them off for throwing glasses.
Maude, Agnes and Helen ranted angrily.
That evening Homer came home to an angry Marge.
"So we're just dumb broads..." Marge ranted.
"No! Well not you, baby..." Homer replied. They started arguing and Marge kicked him out.
Bart and his sisters were listening.
"Don't look at me, Bart! You started it this time!" Oscar replied.
"No, Dad started it..." Hugo retorted as he began chowing down another bucket of fish heads.
Homer went round Barneys.
"Hey Homer! What are you doing here?" Barney asked.
"Marge kicked me out after we all yelled at the killjoy Moms." said Homer.
Barney allowed him in.
They watched the football. It was Springfield's team vs the New York Gisnts. Who are literally man eating giants that live at the top of beanstalks in giant heavenly castles.
"And on the attack here comes The Jolly Green Giant for a touchdown!" said the commentator.
At the Mayor's office.
"You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism." said Howard Duff.
"Don't worry Howard. Such a decision would be massively unpopular." said Quimby.
"No it wouldn't! We're all in favour of a ban!" Helen, Maude, Agnes etc yelled.
...
Some weeks later after Homer is allowed back the protests die down.
Marge arranges a party with her friends and ex Doctor Hibbert. Everyone is dressed smartly, including Hugo who promptly messes up his spikes after Marge combed them.
Homer eats the little finger sandwiches. "Mmmmmmm! Horse D'oeuvers..."
"Homer stop picking at the hors D'oeuvres..." Marge sighed.
"Will there be wine?" Lisa asked.
"Yes dear." said Marge.
"Can I have wine?" Lisa asked.
"No." said Marge.
The Flanders arrive first.
"This calls for my personal favourite, Flanders punch!" Ned mixes a drink and offers Homer some. However it doesn't taste of alcohol to him.
"Hey Flanders where's the booze?" Homer asked.
"Oh there's plenty in there! Vodka... tripel sec..." Ned explained. Homer then gets a buzz from the alcohol.
"Oooooh! There it is! I think I like this Flanders punch..." Homer grins.
"Homer, slow down on the alcohol..." Marge nags.
Everyone else soon arrives.
Homer pranks Dr Hibbert with a fly ice cube.
"Everything alright Doctor?" Marge asked.
"No, somebody has appeared to have added a novelty ice cube to my drink." Hibbert replies. "And you know I can't legally practice as a Doctor in Springfield any more, after that erm matter with Hugo..."
"Oh, that was me! Ha! You should have seen your face!" Homer laughs as Dr Hibbert hands over the cube.
"Homer, it would have been even more hygienic to use an actual fly in a real ice cube..." Dr Hibbert replied.
"Oh lighten up, Doc! Hahahaha! That's such a classic! Good one, Dad!" Bart laughed hysterically.
Marge hrrrrmmmed.
...
They had dinner. During which Bart moved the tiny sandwiches about so they spelt out "Our Party Sucks."
However Homer's behavior got worse, he told off one of Marge's friends who he has never met before.
"I've been waiting to say this to you for ages! You stink! Your whole lousy operation stinks! I quit!" Homer rants.
"Homer we've just met! I go to Marge's book club!" The man explains.
Soon it was time for the kids to go to bed. However Homer was wearing a lampshade.
"Hey Bart! Do that dance..." Homer asked.
"What dance?" Bart asked.
"You know... Ah... Go to bed..." Homer slurs. Then he decided to get some peanuts.
"Some peanuts please, Maude..." Homer asked.
"Oh sure." Maude gets him some peanuts.
"No the ones at the bottom, they're the best..." Homer whispers as he stares at her bare chest...
Marge is furious.
Later Homer dances drunk and pulls down a lamp and causes a cacophony. Everyone is embarrassed.
Hugo hissed because the lamp breaking startled him.
"Hrrrmmmm! Homer! Go to bed! You're drunk!" Marge yells.
"I'm not drunk! I'm just... Ah nuts I'll just go to sleep here..." he falls asleep in the middle of the living room. Marge is embarrassed.
Everyone went home.
"Marge if you want Homer to live through the night and not choke on his vomit, turn him on his side." said Dr Hibbert.
"Yes Dr." said Marge.
"I said If..." Dr Hibbert added sharply as if he wouldn't blame her if she left Homer to suffocate in his drunken sleep.
...
The next day Marge wakes Homer up while vacuuming the carpet by clonking the vacuum cleaner into his head. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Okay! Okay! I'm up..."
They argue again. But Marge insists they argue in the car with the music on loud.
"I always hated my parents arguing. So they argued with the car radio on." said Marge.
"They're arguing again..." said Lisa as the kids watched from the living room.
"You can stay at home from church today with Bart and explain why you scarred him for life!" Marge yelled.
"I did not! Oh you mean emotionally..." Homer replied. "Fine, I ain't joining you at boring old church, Jesus's blood was wine anyway..."
Marge grumbled and went upstairs.
Homer shrugged.
"Wow she's mad at me..."
Later in Hugo and Bart's room.
"Bart, you may have noticed daddy acting funny last night..." Homer explained like he was a toddler.
"Yeah you were wasted! Ha!" Bart laughed.
"Yeah but you're mother thinks you were traumatized by it and that I should apologise and teach you something about alcohol not being fun yada yada..." Homer droned on.
"Are you kidding?! No! If you were hitting everyone then yeah, but last night you were hilarious! Especially when you pulled the lamp over!" Bart laughed hysterically.
"Well, we're supposed to be at church now..." Homer replied.
"Do we have to?!" Bart whined.
"With those hypocrites?! No of course not! You know Jesus's blood was wine..." Homer refused to go to church.
"Cool! Now I can live out my life long dream!" Bart yelled.
Homer was about to ask.
"Don't, seriously, you don't want to know what his life long dream is..." Oscar explained as he came into Bart's room brushing his teeth. He was still in his pyjamas.
Homer sighed and played on Bart's Gameboy.
Video game sounds ring out.
Marge and Lisa, Maggie and Hugo came home. Marge was furious.
"Marge I-" Homer started.
"Don't talk to me. You didn't turn up to church..." Marge went upstairs in a mood.
"What's her problem?" Homer asked.
"Hrrrrrmmm..." Lisa grumbled.
...
That evening Marge went to see the Lovejoys with Oscar, the Flanders were there too. And an arguing couple who were on the verge of ending their marriage called Gloria and um her husband.
"Oh hello Marge, come in." Reverend Lovejoy let her in. "Jessica, you better not be planning to sneak out! You're grounded young lady for a month!" He yelled up to his daughter.
Jessica was in her room which was now a shrine to killing Bart Simpson. She was writing a revenge plot against Bart.
Downstairs the Lovejoys, Flanderses and Marge were talking about that St Patrick's celebration and Homer's behavior.
Then Gloria and her husband talked.
"I'm here because John can't cut it in the bedroom anymore. Not that I want his cold oppression and odour of booze pressed against me." said Gloria.
"That's enough, Gloria!" said Gloria's husband.
"Now now! It's your turn now." said Reverend Lovejoy.
"She uses profanity around the house, she brings back men to the house! She doesn't cook! She's queen of the harpies!" said John. Gloria tried to argue. "Queen of the harpies! Here's your crown your majesty! Queen of the harpies!" The argument got heated.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
Marge was embarrassed. Me and Homie aren't that bad!?
Reverend Lovejoy asked John and Gloria to look each other in the eyes. They instantly fell in love again.
Ned and Maude had a minor tiff over the bathroom towels. Lovejoy soon sorted that out.
"Um where's Homer." said Lovejoy to Marge.
"He doesn't believe we're going through a rut..." Marge sighed.
"You love me babe..." said Homer drunk as he stumbled about outside.
"Well I might as well hand out these new pamphlets. This one is called "Satan's Boners." Um..." said Tim Lovejoy.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
Marge hushed him.
"And... Good grief! More Satan's Boners!" said Lovejoy offended.
Oscar was laughing hysterically.
Marge sighed.
Plot 3Ned suggests he be Homer's Buddy at Moe's so he can monitor his drinking. However Homer convinces him to have one drink.
"Ok, one blackberry schnapps..." Ned asks Moe.
Later Ned goes to bed inebriated.
"Ned did you call Ann Landers like I asked you to?" Maude asked.
"Ann Landers is a boring old biddy!" Ned drunkenly replied. Maude gasped at his behavior.
Marge and Maude realised their plan didn't work so they enrolled Homer and Ned in an Alcoholics Anonymous class with Bart.
"But I never want to drink ever again anyway!" Bart explained.
"I know dear. You're their coach. You're there to keep them on task." Marge explained.
At the class everyone explained why they were there and their problem. Homer didn't pay attention and even mocked some of the people.
Next was Bart's turn.
"I'm Bartholomew Jojo Simpson; formerly conjoined twin brother of Hugo, and I have two younger sisters. I'm only ten years old but I had my first drink unintentionally at St Patrick's day after accidentally swallowing Duff that got squirted into my vuvuzela during the festival. I spent the rest of the afternoon very sick. I never want to go through that experience again..." Bart broke down tearfully towards the end.
Everyone except Homer gave a sympathetic Awwwww!
Homer then in a bored tone told his story. However he was in denial of his problems as he just saw drinking as a past time and to alleviate stress.
Ned then told the story of him calling Ann Landers an old biddy again.
They then did um whatever activities they do at Alcoholics Anonymous...
However Homer went home seeing it as a waste of his time. He spent dinner complaining about it.
"And why is Bart even going! He never even wants to drink again ever anyway!" Homer ranted.
"I'm there to set an example! You can get clean like me if you actually try Dad..." Bart replied.
"There's nothing wrong with my drinking..." Homer replied.
...
At home in the bathroom one night.
"Homer I have to fill in this questionnaire from the court. Do you often drink alone?" Marge asked.
"Does God count as a person?" Homer asked.
"No..." said Marge.
"Yes I do!" God boomed.
"Okay fine! You're a person! Geez..." said Marge.
"Then no. I drink in the company of our Lord." said Homer.
"Homer you are lousy company when drunk..." said God.
"God please..." Marge sighed. "Homer do you sometimes need a drink to go to sleep at night?" said Marge.
"That would be nice dear." said Homer.
"Do you hide beer round the house?"
Homer has hidden several Duff Beers in the cistern of the toilet. "Who doesn't?"
"Mmmmmmm! Toilet beer..." said Oscar drooling.
"Do you drink to escape reality?" Marge asked.
"I don't need alcohol to escape reality! Doo de doo! Doo doo doo, doo doo! Doo de doo! Doo doo doo, doo doo!" Oscar replied rolling his eyes about in oppositite directions and singing clown music.
Marge sighed. Her husband was a drunk in denial and Oscar was just insane.
"Oz why are you bothering us?" Homer sighed.
"Need a diaper change.' said Oscar holding a fresh clean diaper.
Marge sighed. "Can you wait until I've finished making a big deal out of my husband's hobby?"
"No because I'll get a rash..." said Oscar.
Marge sighed.
...
Bart and Milhouse were at the park when Oscar tagged along.
Bar was talking about huckleberries or about his drunken shenanigans at St Paddy's day.
For some reason Oscar felt it was relevant to recall a spoof of Goodfellas he did with Krusty.
"So I ask myself, should I be entertained by my dad's drunken antics?" said Bart.
"This reminds me of the time I did a Goodfellas sketch with Krusty."
In the restaurant from Goodfellas. Oscar, Krusty and some stage actors dressed as mafia goons sat round a table.
"I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown? Do I amuse you?!" Krusty angrily asked Oscar in character as Tommy.
"Um yes..." said Oscar.
"That's it! I'm outta here!" Krusty stormed off.
Bart winced.
"So you're never drinking again..." Milhouse asked.
"I hope not. But you never know with the Narrator..." said Bart.
"Well you're funny when you're drunk..." said Oscar.
Bart sighed.
The park had a sparse amount of olden benches, all dedicated to dead people. However you couldn't sit on any of them because the local hobos were using them as beds.
A hobo slept on a bench snoring and holding a bottle of hooch.
"The people want to ban alcohol! Gimme that hooch!" Rex Banner yelled at a hobo. The hobo slugged him with a hard knock out punch.
"Oof! I'm gonna need back up..." Rex groaned.
Bart sighed.
...
Rex Banner the killjoy detective tried to enforce an alcohol ban/prohibition.
"You do that and we'll operate speakeasies!" said Moe.
"Rats! That's what killed prohibition last time!" Rex muttered.
"Ban alcohol! A boy got drunk!" The old lady with her hair in a bun yelled.
"Booze is evil!" said Maude.
"Shut up!" Homer yelled.
The ladies protested and jeered.
"Shut the hell up!" Bender yelled.
"Oh my?! A robot in my bar?!" said Moe.
Bender drank beer.
"Please think of the children!" Helen cried.
Elsewhere.
Vector's rather um kookey imagination.
Vector dressed as an old timey, Casey Jones-ish steam engine driver was driving Thomas the Tank Engine despite that the show has plastic dolls that drive the trains and stop frame animation.
Vector then imagined Thomas as a transformer...
"Ugh! Why would you ruin the coolest giant robot franchise with lame trains with creepy faces..." Oscar groaned.
"Actually I'm trying to make Thomas cooler with transformers. And that's hypocritical considering you watch the Disney channel..." said Vector.
Ralph was adding sand and dog food to a corn cob to make one of his gross recipes.
"With a pot of glue for sauce." said Ralph.
Vector retched. "Ugh..."
...
After school Bart, Lisa and Hugo had to call off any after school clubs they were in for the afternoon and Bart for once kept his nose clean and didn't end up in detention because they were needed at home. Mom's day care Little Hopscotchers/Marge's Charges was operating today.
"Mom is a miracle worker, unlike my friends moms. She's able to keep a straight face and orderly home despite my brother causing untamed chaos and wanton destruction..." Lisa narrated.
"Plus she already does child minding being Oscar's almost full time carer." said Bart.
Bart, Lisa and Hugo headed inside their parents' home they live in... Marge immediately assigned them tasks.
"Bart tidy up. Lisa help me put up banners. Hugo make sure we have enough snacks and drinks for all your friends. And don't eat them..." said Marge.
Her kids complied. Bart and Hugo complied reluctantly.
Eventually Clancy and Sarah dropped off Ralph. Ned and Maude dropped off Rod and Todd. Julius and Bernice dropped off their youngest son.
"Come on Ralphie... let go of mommy's leg..." said Clancy.
"Hi diddly do! Marge-Ah-rino!" said Ned.
"Ahehehehe!" Hibbert chuckled.
"Ralph's Mom and Dad had taken him out of school recently because of a few incidents the teachers weren't concerned about and doing their job to prevent,,." said Lisa. "Ie him eating glue... That time he was found trapped in a sack of dodgeballs several hours after PE finished."
"Mom is teaching him basically. To be honest, why bother? Ralph has the mind of a two year old... and I suspect he is severely autistic..." said Bart.
"Mom is also part time potty training him. The rest of the time his dad, Chief Wiggum trains him while hanging out with our dad while he trains Maggie." said Hugo.
"Come on Ralphie. Sit on the potty like a big boy." said Clancy trying to get his son to use the toilet.
Ralph cried because he didn't want to.
"As for Oscar. He doesn't want to learn and we don't wanna teach him... so he's happy still wearing diapers at nine years old..." Bart sighed.
...
Meanwhile at AA.
"Once again you don't feel shame or remorse for touching the devil's liquor?" Lovejoy sighed at Homer refusing to accept he has an alcohol problem.
"Jesus, turned water into wine. He told his disciples the wine they were drinking was his blood!" said Homer.
Lovejoy growled.
Homer sat there smug.
"Easy there Reverend. There must be some way to get through to Homer..." said Ned.
"I once had no drinking money so I stood under the bleachers at Duff Stadium and collected the residue and dirt in my mouth as it dropped down." said Homer.
"That's it! Get out! GET OUT!" Lovejoy snapped and kicked Homer out of AA.
At home.
Marge running her day care is annoyed at Homer not accepting he has problem with getting drunk all the time. She signs him up for a new AA and asks her fanon brother James to go with him.
"But Marge, I don't need to go to AA. I'm a social drinker, not an alcoholic." said James.
"Yeah, that's like saying rappers are really poets." Lisa snarked.
"Oh shut up!" Bart snapped. "I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger... um... I don't think I should be reciting the rest of that song..."
Vector was about to finish the line.
"Don't even think about it Vector..." said Oscar.
"Who's Vector?" Lisa asked.
"Well... I get ostracised a lot for still watching Disney shows while everyone is trying to sneak into R rated movies so I hang about with the "Special kids" Who haven't matured since preschool and still like cutesy things. Vector still likes Thomas the Tank Engine." said Oscar.
Lisa giggled. "Well Oscar, you're not the abnormally. Bart is, for growing up too fast!" Bart frowned at her. "Cherish your childhood. You're only a kid once."
"Uh Huh... and when he's all grown up and creeping parents out at the kid section of the library because he still likes the kiddy books..." Bart ranted.
...
Meanwhile the killjoys Helen Lovejoy, Maude Flanders and that women that saw Bart drunk. The old biddy with her hair in a bun wearing a shoulder blanket to keep warm in her old age. Were once again demanding Mayor Quimby ban alcohol.
"Mayor we demand you ban alcohol!"
"Demand?! Who are you to demand anything?! You're just a bunch of fascist nobodies!" Mayor Quimby yelled.
Helen's husband the reverend was busy. Because Billy Zane demanded he find Rose.
"Lovejoy. I want you to find Rose! I want you to tear this ship apart if you have to! Find her!" said Billy Zane on the Titanic.
"Yes sir." said Reverend Lovejoy.
"Supreme darkness! Come! Open your heart! Submit!" Billy Zane yelled as he left.
At the Simpsons.
"Uh..." Bart winced.
Plot 4