"What do you mean, he's gone?" Zero double checked the time. Yep. Just after 0300. All the Rangemen were accustomed to late night calls but that was for emergency situations and he failed to see how this qualified.

"What do you think I mean? He's gone. G-o-n-e, GONE!"

The frantic voice on the other end of the line got louder with every word. Based on the heavy breathing, Zero thought the guy was spiking adrenaline, for this of all things.

"Binkie. Chill. It's a freaking hamster. Where's it gonna go?" Jesus, the kid was gonna hyperventilate if he didn't calm down. "Just check the cage again. It's probably burrowed into the shavings or tucked into that soup can house of his."

"He's not! We checked!"

Just as Zero asked, "Who's we?" there was a rapid pounding on his door.

Grumbling to himself, he threw off the covers. He didn't bother to toss anything over this t-shirt and boxers before he answered the door and saw Zip. Zip was in the middle of another rapid-fire burst of knocking and damn near clocked Zero in the face before he realized the door was open. Zip looked as frantic as Binkie sounded.

Speaking on the phone to Binkie while looking at Zip, Zero said, "Okay. Your accomplice is here. What do you expect me to do?"

Simultaneously, Binkie and Zip started babbling about finding the damn hamster. Zip's mouth shut when the door to the unit across the hall opened, though Binkie kept jabbering.

A shirtless Lester Santos stood in the doorway, wiping sleep out of one eye. The center panel of his black boxer briefs was emblazoned with a hot dog in a bun. Next to it was a yellow warning triangle with bright red letters that read "Caution! Choking hazard!". On his feet were white bunny slippers with pink satin lining the ears.

Zero, like everyone at Rangeman, knew that his Abuela Rosa had given all of her grandkids bunny slippers one Christmas. Zero, like everyone at Rangeman, also knew better than to touch the slippers or try to make fun of them. And absolutely everyone knew better than to even whisper about bunny slippers to Ranger Manoso, who was one of said grandchildren.

Lester, however, would gladly prove that it was possible to be a badass AND love your abuela and your bunny slippers. He wouldn't kill anyone who crossed the line, but after he beat the ever-lovin' snot out of you, you might wish he had.

"How about you crazy kids taking the slumber party slash drum circle out of the hallway? Grownups are trying to sleep."

Lester's tone was mild and he didn't seem inclined to thump heads. Zero figured he was going for a gentle reminder about noise levels and thought it was safe to wisecrack back.

"Sorry, old man. I can tell you need your beauty sleep but I dunno if there's enough time in the day to make you passable."

Lester grinned and flipped him off, then passed a critical eye over him and Zip. Binkie's faint "hello? Are you still there?" dribbled out of the phone.

Lester sighed. "I'm probably going to regret this but, what's going on?"

In the same tone reserved for pronouncing world-changing events like earthquakes, hurricanes or the fall of a monarchy, Zip said, "Rex. Is. Missing."

Lester stilled. He stared with laser focus at Zip. When that gaze switched to him, Zero nearly flinched from the force of it.

"Shit." Lester ran a hand through his hair and sighed again. "I'm gonna need pants for this."

Less than five minutes later they were all upstairs in the control room, properly attired. The lights, usually dim for the night shift since the cubicles were unoccupied, were all on. Hank and Gene were on monitors. Binkie, flashlight in one hand, was poking a yardstick under desks and behind cabinets.

Zero and Lester headed straight for the aquarium that served as Rex's cage, Zip right behind them. Even though the contents had been disturbed, presumably from prior searches, Zero still ran his fingers through the bedding, looked in and under the soupcan, and checked the wheel. Binkie migrated their way and watched.

Yeah. This cage was officially a hamster-free zone. Crap. He started looking around the credenza the cage was sitting on. It was set back against the wall and tucked into a corner of the room. To the left was one of the copiers. The right side of the credenza butted up against the other wall.

There was nothing else around the credenza. He tugged the drawers. Locked. Peeking down the back, he didn't see any openings so the hamster hadn't gotten free of the cage then chewed his way into the furniture. Next to him, Lester did his own search.

Ranger and Stephanie would be back in a few hours. There better be a hamster in here waiting for her or she'd never agree to leave him here again. And if she refused to leave the hamster, then either she wouldn't go out of town with Ranger again, or she'd insist on bringing the hamster. Either way, there'd be an unhappy Steph AND an unhappy Ranger to contend with. Not to mention the whole 'failure to complete the duty as assigned' thing.

Zero wondered what the punishment would be. At least they wouldn't pull monitor duty for a month followed by another month of motor pool like Hal. Well, not unless Rex sweet talked them out of a stun gun and tagged them with it.

"All right." Lester pulled back, hands on hips. "Time to enact Project: Recapture Evasive Escapee."

It took Zero a second to parse that. "You're spelling escapee with an x aren't you?"

Lester side-eyed him but there wasn't any heat to it. "You mispronounced 'Sir, yes, sir'."

Smiling, Zero dutifully replied. "Sir, yes, sir. Project REX is a go." He even gave a flippant salute which turned into a high five with Lester.

"Okay, guys," Lester looked at Binkie and Zip. "Tell me what you've already done."

Talking over each other, the duo was partway through a list of places searched when Lester raised his hand, palm up, to stop them. Zero had a feeling he knew what Lester was going to say.

"Did you look at the video feeds?" He pointed. "That camera captures this whole area. If he got out, or if someone took him, we should see it."

Zero watched as identical expressions of dismay flitted across Zip and Binkie's faces. Clearly, the answer was no. No, they had not.

Dividing the recordings into one-hour sections would make it possible to look through four hours worth of footage in short order. Zero, it turned out, had the section with the answer.

"What the hell?"

Zero knew he was gaping but couldn't stop himself. The others crowded around his monitor.

"Are you kidding me?" exclaimed Binkie.

"That's some ninja-level crap right there," Zip declared.

Lester, always calmer in a crisis, simply noted, "It's like he leveled up until he became the final boss and now he's off to find a new video game."

They watched it again. And one more time, trying to make it feel more real.

Rex came out of his soup can just after midnight, stretching and yawning. Zero had to admit he looked adorable. After a snack, Rex started playing in his cage. He'd burrow through the cedar shavings and pop up at random. One place he popped up was under the wheel. He hit it hard enough to knock it over onto the side of the cage. He ignored it at first but fifteen minutes later, he climbed onto the slanted wheel. Once at the top, he was in easy reach of the rim.

It was pure chance that the aquarium was pushed all the up against the corner of the wall. And pure chance that the wheel was in that same corner. When Rex pulled himself out of the cage he stood on the rim and put one front foot on the back wall, and one foot on the other wall. He started climbing, his back feet following the same path as his front. He kept climbing. And climbing.

Zero couldn't help it. He started humming the theme song to Mission Impossible. The others joined in. They watched as Rex made it to the top of the wall, poked his head under the ceiling tile, and slipped out of sight.

From there it was a matter of rounding up a ladder, a bucket to carry their target, and a sweet snack to lure him with. Luckily, they all knew the location of Steph's Super Secret Stash of Tasty Cakes. Zero and some others had even replenished the supply from time to time, especially if she seemed to need cheering up.

Rex must have been exhausted from what looked like a strenuous climb because he was napping inches away from where he'd gone in. A few sniffs of the crumbled up snack cake was all it took for him to climb into Zero's hand. Rex was concentrating so hard on gobbling up the treat Zero didn't even need the containment bucket. A slow, careful descent was all it took and then Rex was placed gently into his cage. Zero sprinkled the rest of the cake around him.

Binkie had removed the wheel from the cage and pulled the cage away from the walls. "I'm off this morning. I'll get a lid for the cage."

Zip nodded. "And something heavy to pin it down."

"If Beautiful hears about this, not only will she be upset, but she won't let us babysit anymore. I, for one, would be sad. He's like the Rangeman mascot." Lester held up one hand, curled into a fist except for the pinky which stuck out. "So. Pinky swear. This is now under Spec Ops rules. Tell no one about this, not even your fellow Rangemen."

The four of them joined pinkies as best they could. Lester's pinky swears, like the bunny slippers, were to be respected. Surprisingly, Zero and some of the other guys had begun using them. It was a way to show how serious something was without having to get physical. Of course, break the sanctity of the pinky swear and the beatings would begin.

"What about us?" Gene asked without looking up from his monitor station.

Lester took a moment to go join pinkies with Gene and Hank then headed toward the stairs.

Zero inspected the cage one more time, then he and the others filed back down to their apartments. As he peeled off his cargo pants and polo shirt, Zero hummed Mission Impossible some more and thought about the little hamster's badass boss-level ninja climb. Yep. A fitting mascot indeed.

The End.

Author's Note

Based on screen shots floating around the internet of someone's hamster who escaped their cage and climbed a wall in this very manner.