Chapter 1 - In which Harry realises he's a 'pig to the slaughter'.

Harry Potter rolled his emerald orbs as he smirked at Dumb-as-door (which in his universe is a very insulting and mature nickname) made yet another long winded end of year speech.

"Shut up buggerer of goats!" Harry Potter smirked loudly, to which the whole school and all the teachers and all the house elves laughed uproariously. His magic orbs flashed green brightly, which is the colour of the killing curse. Avada Kedavra.

Harry Potter's close friend and confidante, Hermione Granger, giggled at Harry Potter. She was known to the whole country as the brightest witch of her age. A filthy muggle would assume that she would therefore be an above average student for her school year, but of course it actually meant she was a once in a lifetime genius.

"Oh Harry Potter, how very witty you are!" She moaned breathlessly, as her heaving bosom heaved with breathe.

"If I'm so witty, then let me bounce my wand off your titties!" Harry Potter said charmingly, turning his orbs to her orbs as he looked at her in the orbs. The whole school and all the house elves and all the teachers laughed uproariously once again.

But Harry Potter was not as happy as his demeanour suggested. In fact, he was wondering on his place in the world. Recently Dumb-as-door finally told him he was chosen one. The one destined to defeat the evil Voldysharts. Harry Potter realised that Dumb-as-door had been preparing for him to be sacrificed to Marldomort. Which was the gigantic leap in logic that he always needed.

"Hold on a minute Dumb-as-door!" Harry Potter shouted needlessly. Everyone turned their orbs towards him and waited for him to continue his sentence. "You've been preparing me to be some sort of... pig to the slaughter or something!" Harry Potter shouted even more.

This was in fact the first time someone had used that metaphor, and the crowd all thought he was dead smart for thinking of it.

Dumb-as-door started to cry a little as he failed to come up with a proper response, too intimidated by the intense figure of a 15 year old standing on a bench 50 feet away. He mumbled out a response of 'greater good', 'my boy', and 'blood wards'. Before being arrested immediately and sent to super-Azkaban to rot away forever.

"Harry Potter you did it, you saved the day!" Ron Weasley whimpered while Harry Potter was using him as a footrest.

"Shut up weasel! Dumb-as-door was just paying you to be friends with me!" Harry Potter roared while beating his chest.

The Weasel stopped whimpering for a moment and turned to look to Harry Potter orb to orb.

"I'm sorry Harry Potter you're right. I didn't have the heart to tell you. As well as that, my mother was also illegally drugging Hermione to fall in love with me, and I don't know why I'm just telling you this." Won Weasel whimpered.

It was because Harry Potter had just become a master of Legilimency and Occlumency, by the power of defeating Dumb-as-door.

"I sentence you to 100 years of super-Azkaban!" Harry Potter screamed at the top of his voice. Harry Potter had the power to be judge jury and executioner, as was his right as Mega-Lord in the Magic House of Lords. Won the Weasel was so shocked it looked like his orbs would pop out of their sockets.

After Harry Potter showed so much raw sexual energy, every woman on earth orgasmed on the spot.

AN: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this very serious and gritty IndyHarry fic. Review and like for a sloppy kiss on the lips xx