Kendall's stutter manifests as soon as he's old enough to talk. It's not a big deal at first, his parents assume he'll grow out of it, but when it doesn't go away Caroline suggests a speech therapist. Logan agrees on the condition that the press don't finds out. I don't want some stuttering freak as my son. Kendall thinks of Connor, how he wasn't good enough to be his father's heir. Kendall won't make the same mistakes as his elder brother.
…
His younger siblings are called Romulus and Siobhan, two of the hardest names to say. Fortunately Romulus is shortened to Roman early on, which makes it easier. Siobhan is harder for Kendall to get his tongue around.
"Shiv-orn," his mother breaks it down for him in her cut-glass tones.
"Shiv," Kendall manages the first syllable.
His mother sighs. "I suppose that'll do for now."
…
His speech therapist teaches him to focus on his breathing. Words are just airflow, she tells him. She encourages him to swear when he can feel the words drying up. It's very liberating being given permission to shout curse words when he's nervous. He wonders if that's why his father does it so often.
His therapist also encourages him to sing. Singing is soothing, he can do that without a tremor. Later he switches to rapping, he's able to rap whole verses without tripping over the lyrics. But put him in a social situation where normal words are required and he crumbles.
Roman, who Kendall fucking toilet-trained because the nanny couldn't manage to do it, makes fun of him once, calling him K-K-Kendall. Kendall invents the dog pound game shortly after.
…
Stewy gives him his first line of coke, in their first year of college. Immediately Kendall is flying high, the most confident person in the room. He can't believe it took him this long to try drugs. His head is so clear now. Of course drugs are the solution. Why didn't he think of that?
…
His stutter comes out on his first date with Rava. He's trying so hard to impress her over dinner. "Sorry," he says, taking a deep breath. "I had a kind of, uh, speech impediment as a kid. It still comes out when I'm nervous sometimes." He'd never normally admit that to anyone, let alone on a first date, but he really likes this woman and wants to be honest with her.
She smiles and runs her foot up his leg. "I think it's hot."
…
Saying his wedding vows, the stutter almost breaks through again, but he smiles, keeping his watery eyes fixed on Rava's. "I promise to love you forever and ever." Roman the ring bearer pretends to dry heave.
Stewy, his best man, hugs him after the ceremony and whispers, "Quick line?"
He shakes his head. "Not today."
…
Iverson is an awkward child. Kendall's heart sinks when he sees that his son might be defective like him, albeit in a different way. Part of him had been relieved that he couldn't have kids biologically, couldn't pass on whatever is wrong with him.
He's not even my real grandson, Logan tells Roman, when the diagnosis is made. Kendall pretends not to hear that.
…
The bear hug is the most nervous Kendall has been in a long time. When he hands the piece of paper to his father, he can't quite get the words out and Logan mocks him. You can't even say it.
Kendall thinks of his younger self, vulnerable like Iverson, labelled a freak by his own father. It hits him for the first time how messed up that was. You're a fucking beast.
…
He's on his father's news channel, saying My father is a bully, a liar and a malignant presence. He can see the horrified looks on Karolina and Jess's faces and hear the gasps surrounding him. Only Greg, who knew what he was about to say, looks unusually calm. The whole world is watching him. The cameras flash away, he knows his father is witnessing his betrayal live on TV, and there's not a tremor in his voice.
…
Greg sometimes reminds Kendall of himself, he's so awkward. He's who Ken could have been if he hadn't been the son of Logan Roy.
It's easy for Greg, no one expects anything from him. He's not expected to follow in his father's footsteps or run a multi-billion dollar company. All he has to do is coast along on his family's coat-tails, like the world's biggest fucking parasite.
…
His father is taunting him from across the table, saying Are you queer Kendall? He's not, despite a couple of kisses with Stewy when high, but that's irrelevant. He refuses to let his father rile him.
He stays focused on his breathing. I'm better than you.
…
Roman is doubled over, sobbing as Kendall holds him. Kendall should have seen this coming. He's been worried that Roman would say something outrageous at the funeral to embarrass the family, not that he would break down completely.
When it comes down to it, Roman turns to him, not Shiv or Connor. He's the big brother. It's alright, I can do this. He's also aware that the president is watching.
Connor and Shiv lead Roman back to the pews as Kendall takes his place on the podium. He gives himself a minute to prepare by pretending to look at the cue cards Roman was going to use.
He's good at this, he reminds himself. He's always been better at addressing a crowd than talking to people one-on-one. It's like a performance. It's like a song.
He takes a deep breath and starts to talk.