'Stop stroking that cat, Max.'

'It's so cute look' Max cooed some gibberish at the unsmiling eyes. The tail swished.

'It's got green eyes, like you.'

'It's got fleas. Unlike me. Go and wash your hands. Wouldn't want to smudge your car or anything with cat hands.'

Max pulled a pout.

'She's been hanging around here a lot recently.'

'Because you feed her.'

'It's not just me' he said defensively. 'How can you not love this face?'

'I'm not an animal lover.'

'That's not normal.'

'Why should I be? Everyone else apparently is so that saves me from having to bother' she snapped back.

'You should try some pet therapy sometime. Let's see if Mallorca has any cat cafes or I could borrow the neighbour's dog.'

'The one that yaps at you every time he sees you and tried to shit in your shoe last time? No thank you' she replied witheringly.

'He can be friendly.'

'Tell you what, next time I see the cat, I'll feed her your portion of sobrasoda I know you have on Tuesday lunchtimes and then I'll be happy that it's gone and she'll be happy she made it disappear.'

Max shook his head.

'You are just evil.'

'I try my best' she shouted over her shoulder as she walked briskly away. She made a note to invest in some hand sanitiser. Bleurgh. Cat germs.

'I'm calling her Lena' shouted Max after her. She stopped, ground her teeth. She fucking hated that name now.

'Leeeeenaaaa' crooned Max coming up behind her. She could sense the grin on his face. She growled in irritation. Bloody Deutsch musik. He knew just how to annoy her.

'He's been singing in his sleep' Carmen confided while she poured a glass of red. The bar was quiet, the evening rush still to come. Miranda rolled her eyes as she sipped.

'Nothing he does or says can surprise me anymore.'

'It's this monotone that he keeps repeating. It's very irritating. Sounds like Lola.'

Miranda choked on her sip.

'Fucking Lena!'

'Excuse me?' Carmen looked taken aback.

'Who's Lena? What an exciting proposition' a voice purrs behind them.

Damn Maria and her supersonic hearing. Miranda sighed.

'The cat.'

Two sets of eyebrows raised, Miranda tried to explain.

'No, not the cat, Max has found a flea bitten stray outside work and called her that to annoy me but it's that song last time, you know, with the psychotic German guy holding us to ransom and making us play it. I've never been able to forget it.'

Understanding dawned.

'Well neither has he, apparently. What am I to do?' Queried Carmen.

'Buy some ear plugs' advised Miranda. 'God knows I'd love to wear them when I'm working with him.'

Max had no idea what the joke was when he strolled in but he got the feeling it was at him. He never did find out.