Chapter 8 – new beginnings

Pov Harlow

It's been a day since rick announced were going to war, I had to rest the whole day yesterday but today Hershel finally cleared me to attempt to walk again. Carl comes into my temporary cell "you ready to give this a go?" he asks

I smile "fuck yes, help me up will you." As I try stand up, I need to put all my weight on carl, my stomach feels like it's being pulled tightly together but the stabbing pain from yesterday has been replaced with a dull aching one which is a significant improvement.

"You okay" carl asks "I'm fine just a bit sore" I say leaning on his shoulder as we slowly make our way to the court yard "morning birds" I yawn once were outside. Carl guides me over to a bench and I sit down needing to catch my breath "honestly getting shot was not one of my better ideas, this suck."

Carl snorts "yeah when I got shot back at the farm It took a couple days of walking to get back into the swing of things." I honestly forgot carl was shot even though he definitely told me. "We have matching wounds now what goals."

Carl laughs before asking "what do you want to do today nothing's happening around here it's like were just waiting for the governor to attack." I think for a minute "we could go entertain Judith for a while I think Beth has been watching her for like 2 days, we should give her a break."

We go back to the prison and sit with Judith; I take her in my arms and in a ridiculous baby voice start cooing "Jude can you say Harlow Har-low" Judith just babbles back to me in baby gibberish and carl says "she's definitely too young to say anything yet." "Well, she could be a gifted baby carl just because you where a slow child doesn't mean Judith will be." Carl mock glares at me "oi I was an extremely smart baby I will have you know." "Really well then what happened to all that intelligence where you dropped on your head or something."

Carl jokingly punches my arm so I shove I'm off the bed were sitting on. Judith laughs at carl falling "oh do you like watching your idiot brother fall Judy." I coo

Carl groans "you are a bad influence on her." But he doesn't seem to actually be annoyed.

Its sunset and ricks gathered everyone together in the court yard except Daryl, merle, and Michonne I'm immediately worried but before I can ask rick where they are he begins speaking.

"When I met with the governor, he offered me a deal. He said- he said he'd leave us alone if I gave him Michonne, and I was going to do that to keep us safe. I changed my mind but now merle took Michonne to fulfil the deal and Daryl went to stop him but I don't know if it's too late, I was wrong not to tell you, and I'm sorry."

Anger boils inside me, Michonne could be dead and its all Ricks fault. I stand up and angrily say "oh your sorry well that makes it okay then you fucking piece of shit! You were going to hand an innocent woman over to some creep but your sorry so it's all fucking fine."

I walk over to him and without thinking I punch him in the stomach. Rick doesn't seem to be in any pain at all and I'm so angry I just keep punching him, tears streaming down my face.

I'm only snapped out of my rage induced trance by carl pulling me off his dad "Harlow calm down, you're going to burst the stitches in your shoulder if you keep going." I stop and look rick in the eye saying "if Michonne's dead it's your fault, her blood is on your hands." Before I let carl guide me back to the bench.

I run my hand over my rock oldy in my pocket to try calm down. To his credit when I look back to rick, he does seem remorseful. After a minute rick speaks again "Harlow's right. what I said last year, the first night after the farm about this not being a democracy anymore, it can't be like that. It can't. What we do, what we're willing to do, who we are it's not my call. It can't be. I couldn't sacrifice one of us for the greater good because we are the greater good. Were the reason were still here, not just me. This is life and death. How you live how you die—it isn't up to me. I'm not your governor. We choose to go or we choose to stay; we vote. We can stand, we can fight or we can go."

Rick walks off and I'm not as angry with him as I was before, that doesn't mean I forgive him but I can respect the position he was in. I know I shouldn't have lashed out at him but I just lost my temper. I'm worried sick about Michonne who literally saved my like. Once everyone is gone and its just me and carl my emotions bubble to the surface and I burst into tears.

Carl holds me as I cry into his shoulder and once it's dark, he guides me to my watchtower. He makes to go back to his cell but I grab his wrist to stop him "just stay tonight" I plea and so carl does I fall asleep holding his hand grateful not to be all alone.

Me and carl are going down for breakfast when I see her, Michonne is sitting at the table with the others eating breakfast. I run up to her and without thinking wrap my arms around her in I hug, she only hesitates a moment before returning it. "I thought you were dead" I mumble and she replies "not quite."

It turns out that merle let Michonne go but he died not long after. Rick came to tell everyone the governor is coming to attack today and the plan is to make the prison look evacuated and then use the element of surprise and attack the governor and his people.

Me, carl, Hershel, Beth and Judith are to stand in the woods and wait for the attack to end as we can't fight. I just finished packing my stuff so I go down to find carl who is in a mood. "We should be out there fighting with them we can use guns" Carl grumbles. Rick gave me a gun to protect myself but only in defence, I sigh and look at carl "just because we can use a gun doesn't mean were ready for a battlefield, do you really want a repeat of the last fight?" I ask.

Carl looks sheepish when he says "of course not I didn't mean I want us to get hurt but we should be allowed to fight." I shake my head in disagreement and we head off to the woods with the others who won't be fighting.

Were standing in the woods and the gunfire starts, I'm hit with flashbacks of our last fight but I push them aside trying to keep calm. 10 minutes later the gunfire stops and I sigh in relief. "I think it's over I think the governor retreated" I say but before anyone can reply a boy comes stumbling into our clearing.

He can't be older than 15 and he's carrying a rifle, he's clearly running from the battle. me and carl both raise or guns but the boy raises his arms crying "don't shoot please"

"Put the gun down" Hershel says to the boy and he complies lowering his weapon to the ground. However, before he can finish dropping his weapon carl shoots and the boy falls to the ground, dead. I'm horrified and look over to carl in shock, carls face is expressionless and I urge him to lower his gun.

Nobody says anything as we walk back to the prison but I feel sick, carl just shot a scared kid who was surrendering when there was no need to. Before we get back into the prison, I grab carls' arm "can I speak to you." Carl nods and we let Hershel Beth and Judith go ahead of us.

"Carl why did you do that, the boy was surrendering you didn't need to attack him that was really wrong." Carl looks annoyed and says "I did what I had to do" "no you didn't carl that wasn't necessary." I argue and carl snaps "you don't get it, back at the farm there was a walker that I didn't shoot and later that day it killed a member of our group, Dad was in room with the governor and didn't kill him and he came back to attack us. I did what was necessary."

I sigh feeling out of my depth with this conversation "carl you can't look at everyone as a threat, following your logic do you think you should have shot me when we first met just in case, I was a threat?" carl shakes his head "no of course I don't that's not what I meant"

Carl seems to be second guessing his actions now so I say "eventually what you just did will hit you and it will stick with you for the rest of your life. I'm here for when you need me but I'm telling you you're going down a dangerous road right now and you have to turn back before it's too late."

With that I walk off back to the prison leaving carl to think.

It's decided that most of the group will go to Woodbury to finish off the governor because if they don't, he will probably come back to attack us, before they all leave, I go to speak to Michonne.

"Michonne wait" she turns to me and I continue "please just-just try come back home after this fight." Michonne sighs and says "I can't promise but I will do my best." I nod and say "okay, because it would really suck if you died." She smiles and says "don't worry I'm not planning to."

I go to hug her and she hugs me back "I'll see you later then" I say and with that Michonne and the group leave.

The group are gone all night and its sunrise the next morning when we see the car and Daryl's bike driving in followed by a bus. Me and carl stare as what must be 50 people come pouring out of the bus into the courtyard. "Looks like we have company" I say. carls quite for a minute before he asks "how can we trust them?" I think for a minute before saying "I think we just need to take a chance on them, like you did for me."

I sigh and reach for his hand "I wish things didn't have to change though." I say as I lean my head on his shoulder "we will deal with it together I guess, like we always do." He says and I smile "I guess we will."