Chapter 9 – doe

Pov carl

My cell is flooded with light and I can here chatting outside, I should have gotten up hours ago but I refuse to greet the new day. I've not left my cell in 5 days not since the Woodbury people arrived I think everyone has been too busy to notice well maybe not everyone, Harlow brings me food from every meal but I don't eat much of it. she originally tried to coax me out my cell and get me to talk but gave up trying on day two. I have chores that I should be doing but I don't care I can't face the outside.

The day the Woodbury people arrived I made eye contact with a woman; she had his eyes and his hair. Then I started seeing the boy in everyone I convinced myself anyone of them could be the boys kin. I killed a boy because I thought it was necessary However now all the new people came and he could have been one of them if I hadn't robbed him of the chance. If I hadn't robbed him of his life.

Dad took my gun away and I know why but it still makes me feel ill to think of how my dad must see me, does he see a lose canon or a hazard when he looks at me or does he just see a murderer.

I know eventually someone other than Harlow will notice my disappearance or maybe they already have and just want rid of me. I don't really care as long as nobody comes and try's to force me out my cell.

The only person who I think could understand is Harlow but even then our situations are so different. Harlow became a killer to protect others from a sick bastard who attacked her sister. I became a killer when I shot a scared teenager fleeing from battle.

I used to be so sure I was one of the good guys but now I'm the opposite I'm a monster no better than the governor himself. I'm rescued from my thoughts when Harlow comes into my cell and sits on my bed. she hands me a bowl of cereal apologising "sorry it's a bit late for breakfast but I had to wait for everyone else to eat so I didn't draw attention by pouring two bowls. I assume you don't want people to notice your hiding."

I nod my head in thanks and accept the bowl although I don't intend to eat it. We sit in silence for about an hour before Harlow asks "are you ready to talk about why you're hiding here." When I don't answer she continues "I'm going to assume this is about the boy you killed."

I wince at the bluntness of her statement but I'm grateful she isn't dancing around the topic if she was, I would feel worse. "Look carl I can't help you find a way to live with what you did that's something you need to find on your own, just know that you do deserve to live. You did what you did because you thought you had two not because you wanted to and that makes all the difference."

Harlow stands up to leave giving my hand a squeeze before she leaves. I watch her go and I'm left with just my thoughts for company, I think about what Harlow said. I just don't know if I can find a way to live with myself after what I did.

Pov Harlow

everything is getting to much, I just left carls cell and although I tried, I don't think I helped. Truth, is I don't know how to help carl through this and I'm worried about him.

On top of that everything is so busy now at the prison I never did well with noise and crowds before all this and the apocalypse hasn't changed that. I find my feet leading me to the back of the prison without conscious thought.

When I get there, I find Daryl working on his bike I decide I don't care he's there and I sit on the ground exhausted. The air smells of nicotine because Daryl's smoking, I haven't had the urge to smoke since the world ended but the smell brings me back and suddenly, I'm desperate for a cigarette.

"Daryl, do you think I could get a smoke." Daryl looks startled clearly not having noticed I was even there, he shakes his head and says "you're just a kid, I ain't going to be responsible for you getting hooked to these things." I sigh and protest "I've already smoked though an older girl at the prison sold them."

Daryl sighs before grunting "what would your..." his words trail off and I smile triumphantly "exactly I don't have a parent or guardian to tell me I can't there's nobody that would get mad at you for giving me a smoke." Daryl thinks for a moment before saying "it's not good for you." I laugh "it's not like I'll live long enough to suffer the consequences anyway."

Daryl sighs and gives in handing me a cigarette and a lighter. we sit in silence just smoking together when Daryl asks "why you back here anyway?" I'm surprised Daryl asked because he doesn't seem the talking type. "I just needed to get away from everything."

I turn to properly look at Daryl and at first glance he seemed normal until I looked in his eyes, there was a sadness there that wasn't present last time I saw him. Suddenly I remember his brother merle just died this week.

"I'm sorry about merle." I say Daryl grunts and mumbles "groups better off without him anyway." I don't think he meant me to hear but I did "even if that's true it doesn't make it any easier to lose a sibling. When my sister died, she took a piece of me with her, you're never the same again after losing a sibling. I would tell you it gets easier to deal with over time but I don't think it does You just half to learn to carry the grief with you without letting it consume you."

Daryl grumbles "I suppose" and we sit in silence until Daryl grabs his crossbow and stands up "common then." I put out my cigarette and follow him asking "where we going" Daryl responds "you said you wanted to get away from everything so you can come hunting with me I will teach you to track and hunt."

I smile exited, hunting is a useful skill and I need experience on the outside I've been cooped up in this prison since I was 11.

The woods are a breath of fresh air I didn't no I desperately craved, the birds seem louder here and the land is bursting with life. everything would be perfect if it wasn't for the dead roaming around tainting the life with there death.

Daryl's been teaching me how to track for about four hours now and I'm finally starting to pick things up. I'm also according to Daryl a natural at being silent on my feet which is crucial when you hunt as not to startle the animals.

"kid, come here and tell me what were looking at." Daryl says pointing to the ground. I walk over and study the dirt after a bit of thinking I determine there are pretty fresh tracks likely from a dear. "There dear tracks, but judging bye the size I don't think the dear is fully grown." I tell him.

Daryl grunts in approval "if you can track that dear, I will show you how to shoot it with my crossbow it's good to be able to use a range of weapons." Exited by the prospect of learning to use a crossbow I start tracking the dear.

We have been tracking for what must be at least an hour and a half when I finally spot the deer which turns out to actually be a doe. We keep our distance and Daryl quietly shows be the proper way to use a crossbow then he hands it to me saying "alright it needs to be a clean shot through the head so it doesn't suffer." I nod and take a breath carefully aiming the bow before finally shooting.

The arrow lodges itself in the doe's eye it's a perfect shot. I can't help but feel sad as the beautiful creature falls to the ground, before the apocalypse I was a vegetarian but the world changed and I've had to change with it. I push the guilt of taking an innocent life away I can't afford to feel bad about it.

"Well done kid" Daryl says and I allow myself to smile, I hand Daryl back his crossbow and we make our way back to the prison Daryl carrying the dear.

On the way back I think about what Daryl said about using a wide range of weapons and I can't help but think that learning to throw knives could be useful. "Daryl, do you know how to throw knives?" I don't expect him to say yes but to my surprise he answers "yea, I'll teach you if you want but not today the suns going down." I nod enthusiastically and say "yes, thank you." I give Daryl a quick hug before realising that I don't think Daryl is much of a hugger but to my surprise he doesn't pull away instead telling me "Come on kid we need to get back."

It's the middle of the night but sleep won't come I started my period and the cramps are keeping be awake, I would kill for a pain killer right now but there not in abundance in the apocalypse.

I'm distracted bye a knock on my trapdoor I go to open the latch and carl comes into my tower. "Carl I'm glad you have finally left your cell but it's the middle of the night." Carl looks sheepish and says "sorry I didn't think about how late it is." I sigh "it's okay I couldn't sleep anyway what's up."

Carl grimaces "I can't do it Harlow I need to come back to society and I think I can manage that but I can't live with them. I see the boy everywhere and the new people are a constant reminder of what I did. Please can I move in to your tower with you I can't cope with always being around the strangers and this is the only place I can think of where they don't go." Carl looks desperate and I understand him wanting to avoid the Woodbury people as much as possible. "Yeah, you can move in I don't mind tomorrow we can move your stuff here. Do you want to talk about what happened?" Carl smiles relived but shakes his head "I would rather never talk about it again."

I sigh I'm not sure that ignoring what happened is the healthiest way to cope with things but I'm no therapist so I drop the matter and change the subject. "I went hunting with Daryl today he's teaching me to track and says he will show me how to throw knifes." Carl smiles "that's good it will be useful for when the prison comes to an end."

I frown "who says the prison will fall?" carl looks at me a look "Har nothing lasts forever in this world." I suppose he has a point but its still a depressing thought. "Well in that case I wonder if Hershel will consider teaching me what he knows about medicine and stuff in case were separated from him." Carl laughs "you can ask him tomorrow but studying medicine as well as learning from Daryl will mean your basically going to a school for one." I snort and sarcastically say "what can I say I'm an academic."

Carl lies on the floor next to me and I suggest "You should consider picking up a new skill as well it will help take your mind off things." Carl sighs "I reckon ill help my dad with farming and stuff since he banned me from using weapons." Carl doesn't seem upset at the prospect of farming but he doesn't look happy either.

"You don't sound exited" I point out "I just feel useless you know." He sighs. I do understand what he means but I don't know how to make him feel better so I say "maybe its okay to not be fighting all the time, like you said this place won't last forever I would take the break whilst you can."