A/N: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting; Fake/Pretend Relationship; Friends to Lovers; Demisexual Levi Ackerman; Feelings Realization; Meeting the Parents; Family Dynamics; Chronic Illness (but no death); Fluff; Humor; Romantic Comedy; Hurt/Comfort; Homophobic Homosexual Kenny Ackerman(TM); Emo Eren Yeager; Goth Mikasa Ackerman; Zeke unexpectedly bonds with Erwin over intellectual discussions and shared daddy issue; insufferable Zeke happily rubs this in Levi's face; Jealous Levi in Denial

A/N: Sending love to my artist partner (Maxy) and my beta partner (Kines). Thank you for putting up with my chaotic ass, especially during the past few weeks lol. You guys are very patient! XD (too patient, even)

You can check out Maxy's art on Twitter (their username is SparkleTeaCup)! Happy reading!

When Levi Ackerman received the call during an internal meeting, he raised his eyebrow at the caller ID. Mikasa, it said. Levi did a double take. The Mikasa he knew would never call her cousin unless he called her first. The Mikasa he knew would never text her cousin unless he texted her first. The Mikasa he knew would never speak to her cousin unless he spoke to her first.

Something was wrong.

Levi turned to the blonde man sitting next to him at the conference table. He whispered, frowning, "Sorry, Erwin. I need to take this." He gestured to his phone.

Erwin's blue eyes took in Levi's expression and frowned, too, probably sensing Levi's unease. He glanced at where Hange, another team leader under Erwin's supervision, was delivering a presentation.

Erwin turned back to Levi. "You are excused."

"Thanks," Levi blurted as he dashed out of the conference room. The hallway outside was relatively quiet, but there were still people loitering around.

Afraid that Mikasa would end the call if she was made to wait too long, Levi answered the call on his way to the office's phone booth. He placed the phone in his ear and whispered, "Mikasa? What is it?" But instead of an answer, Levi heard labored breathing on the other end of the line, which only hastened Levi's heartbeat. "Hey. You okay?" He tried again, firmer. "What's going on?"

The breathing slowed down, followed by a long sigh. Mikasa's next words pierced through the occasional tap of Oxford shoes or heels on the carpeted floor around him: "Kuchel's hospitalized again."

This time, it was Levi's breathing that turned labored.

"Why did you let her take them?!"

"I didn't! She—she bought them herself for her migraines!" Mikasa shouted back at him, voice trembling. It was very rare to hear her like this. She was usually so composed and indifferent. So cool; untouchable.

But at that moment, it didn't matter. Levi's head was filled with Kuchel and only Kuchel. "Then you should've kept an eye on her! You fucking knew the doctor said those can worsen her condition!"

"I didn't notice, okay! I'm sorry! Stop fucking yelling!"

The callout brought Levi back to earth, and it took him a moment to compose himself again. He tiredly wiped his face with his palm and controlled his breathing. He truly forgot he was talking to a mere 18-year-old. "Maybe if you were more careful, I'd stop fucking yelling," he responded, even though he already stopped yelling. When Levi spoke again, he remained calm, but the words carried more weight. "It could've been worse, Mikasa. We're lucky it wasn't fatal."

There was a deep inhale on the other side of the line. Then Mikasa's reply came out with the exhale. "At least I'm here looking out for her. You haven't even visited for almost a year."

Levi scowled. "Watch your mouth, kid. I'm out here breaking my back paying her medical bills and your tuition fee. Don't act like I'm doing nothing."

Mikasa didn't reply for a while, but Levi could hear her breathing. He was about to change the topic to Kuchel again before Mikasa beat him to it. She spoke so quietly he almost didn't hear her: "You're not the only one hurting from this."

Then she hung up on him.

Levi was rendered speechless for a moment, blinking at the glass of his office's phone booth. Once he regained his composure, he dialed her number again, but his call went straight to voicemail. He tried texting her next, but the messages were undelivered. Levi groaned.

He returned to the conference room, spending the rest of the meeting staring at the snowfall outside the window. He was lucky he already delivered his presentation before Mikasa's call. Otherwise, he'd get an ear from Erwin for not paying attention (even though he'd talk back anyway). He could feel said man's glances on him multiple times since he came back to the conference room. Levi could even imagine the confused look on Erwin's face, but he paid him no mind.

He couldn't help it. Right now, his heart and head were anywhere but here.

"Is everything alright?"

Levi looked up from his desk to find Erwin's towering height looming in front of him. The meeting, which had lasted for a few more painstaking hours, had just finished and everyone had gone back to their respective little corners in the office.

Except for Erwin, apparently.

"Lemme guess. You wanna know what that call was about?" Levi asked back. An inquisitive busybody, as always, he wanted to add but didn't. He was in no mood for sass, even if Erwin had always seemed oddly receptive to them.

"Quite frankly, yes." Erwin crossed his arms and leaned against the edge of Levi's desk. "You looked like someone just broke the news of your lover's passing."

Levi blinked at Erwin's half-serious, half-joking expression. "Close, but that's not it," Levi said. Erwin's eyes widened slowly. His mouth opened to utter something (an apology, perhaps), but Levi didn't give him the chance. He continued in haste, "It's my mother, actually. She. Um." Levi searched for words in his head to summarize what happened as vaguely as possible. This was not an easy topic to divulge, even if he was talking to Erwin, a senior and friend he'd known since college who now happened to be his supervisor.

Levi's voice came out small when he said, "Her health worsened. I don't have all the details, but—"

His phone rang.

The caller ID made Levi's eyes widen. He snatched his phone from his desk and took the call without even excusing himself from Erwin. "Mikasa, look, I'm sorr—"

"Hi, sweetie."

It wasn't Mikasa's voice.

Levi's eyes widened even further. He gasped aloud. "M-mama! How are you feeling?"

Kuchel laughed softly. "I knew you'd react like that. Relax, sweetie. I feel a lot better now," she said, even though her voice was weaker than what Levi used to hear.

"Did… did they tell you when you can go home? What else did they say? Mikasa told me about the Ibuprofens. Why didn't you tell her you were having migraines? She could've gotten something else for you. You do know they can worsen your heart failure, right? How long have you had them?"

Kuchel laughed that laugh again: a distinctive soft noise filled with so much air, held behind her closed lips. Levi could imagine the wry smile on her face. Must be thinking of how dramatic her son was. "See? This is why I told Mikasa not to tell you. You always worry too much. They said I can go home before the holidays. I'll see you then, right?"

There was a hint of hope in her voice. It pricked Levi's heart a little because he knew it had to do with him not coming home during the past year. This time, he assured her with a short, "Yeah, sure."

"Will you bring someone with you? Or do you want me to introduce you to our neighbor's son? They moved in last week. The eldest was around your age and I thought he was very cute." Kuchel giggled.

Levi cringed. "Please don't start with this again, Mama." And he meant it with every fiber of his being. He couldn't remember how many times he was bombarded with the question 'Will you bring someone with you?' by Kuchel, Kenny, and Kenny's partner, Uri. Even Mikasa had a hand in teasing him about it these days.

The question had actually started years ago with 'When are you going to go to uni?' which, after he got enrolled, changed into 'When are you going to graduate?' which, after he graduated, soon morphed into 'When are you going to get a job?'

Levi thought his family would stop asking questions once he got hired by that damn startup, but the questions didn't stop. It morphed into 'When are you going to get a partner?' and he was pretty sure it would soon morph into 'When are you going to get married?', 'When are you going to go to graduate school?', 'When are you going to have a child?', 'When will your child graduate?', 'When will your child get a job?' and so on—as if everyone knew exactly how his life would plan out.

Levi idly wondered why nobody had ever asked, 'When are you going to die?' Because what else would be more certain in life than death?

"You can't blame me for not wanting to leave my only child alone once I'm gone."

Levi instantly froze, skin clammy and cool. "Don't fucking say that. You're gonna be fine. Mikasa and I will take care of you, goddammit." He said sternly. He wouldn't entertain any other alternative to this scenario. Kuchel was going to be fine. He believed it. But most importantly, Kuchel needed to believe it, too.

"No swearing, Levi Ackerman," Kuchel warned.

"Sorry," Levi said, gulping. "But seriously, there's nothing to worry about. I can take care of you and I. I won't be alone. I have Mikasa." After a few beats, he added, reluctantly, "And Kenny. I guess."

As if reading his mind, Kuchel said, "Don't count on that idiotic daredevil. He'll probably die sooner than me. I still wonder how Uri managed to keep your uncle in check." Great sex, probably, Levi thought in passing, then cringed hard when R-rated images of his uncle invaded his mind. Thankfully, Kuchel dissolved his intrusive thoughts. "And I don't know if Mikasa will be around much. Don't you know she has a boyfriend now?"

Levi let out a short "No," while Mikasa's voice suddenly came out from the phone, "Don't tell him that!"

"What do you mean 'don't tell him that', honey?" Kuchel's voice was slightly muted over the phone. Levi knew she wasn't talking to him. "You need to tell Levi about Eren sooner or later."

Levi frowned. "Wait. Isn't Mikasa like… eighteen? Do you even know this guy, Mama?"

"Weeeeeeellll… noooot yeeeeet," Kuchel did that thing again where she would extend her vowels whenever she was unsure of her facts. "But that's why I asked her to invite him for the holidays. And you should bring someone with you, too."

Levi sighed. "For the last time, I'm not going to bring anyone over. I don't even have anyone to bring over."

Kuchel was silent for a while. Then she sighed. "You should open your heart up, sweetie. Just because I'm raising you alone doesn't mean you have to be alone, too." Her next words were spoken much quieter. "Besides, I really don't think I have much time left."

Levi sighed. Again. He lost count of how many times he did that. "Don't say it like that, Mama. I feel like I'm being gaslighted here."

Kuchel laughed. "Well, does it work?"

Levi ended up laughing, too. "Sorry, but no."

"Next time, then. Next time." Kuchel's soft laugh quietened, and Levi could only hear her breaths through the phone. Levi thought she was done. That it was time for him to let her rest and bid her goodbye. But Kuchel whispered, a hint of sadness in her voice, "I really miss you. Please stay longer this time."

Levi glanced at Erwin, who was now standing slightly farther away from his desk, watching the rest of the room with his arms crossed. He probably looked away out of respect for Levi's privacy, even though he knew the blonde could still hear him from that distance.

"I'll talk to my boss about it," he finally said.

"Alright. See you next week, sweetie."

"Will you be okay, Mama?"

"I will, I will."

"Okay. Get plenty of rest. And if anything happens, tell the nurse or Mikasa."

Kuchel laughed, and when she spoke, Levi could imagine her rolling her eyes. "I told you not to worry. Bye now!"

Reluctantly, Levi said, slowly, "Bye."

After Kuchel ended the call, Levi stared at his phone for a while before looking up at Erwin. "I know you're listening, Snoopy."

Erwin turned around with a sheepish smile. "Guilty as charged. However, it is nice to hear your sass making a comeback." He uncrossed his arms and closed their distance. When he spoke next, his tone went solemn. "I take it your mother is alright now?"

"She is, thankfully." Levi tried to swallow a smile. "I'll use my annual leave to go see her for the holidays. You think you can approve them?"

Erwin raised an eyebrow. "The dates?"

"Christmas throughout New Year's."

Erwin hummed for a moment, thinking. Then he nodded. "Should be doable. I shall arrange for someone to oversee your team while you are gone. Just make sure you send a formal request before the weekend."

"Thanks." Levi finally let himself grin wide before realizing something. "Speaking of leave... don't you think it's time for you to take some? I've never seen you take leave before. I know you're a workaholic, but… damn, even during the holidays?"

Erwin laughed. "I will not negate that workaholic," Erwin made an air quote, "accusation, but I also have no reason to take a leave. All I would do is just… read at home, probably. I may meet some friends, but they are usually occupied during the holidays."

Levi was about to ask if Erwin was going to visit his family. But then, he remembered that fateful day during college:

That fateful day when seniors—Erwin and his class—held a graduation party in the house of someone named Nile Dok, and some juniors and sophomores happened to be invited (Levi included).

That fateful day when he saw Erwin slumped in the corner of Nile Dok's living room, completely hammered and splayed pathetically on the stone cold floor—so unlike the immaculate image Levi had conjured up of Erwin in the past year. That day, Erwin was possibly on his fifth or sixth glasses of beer (Levi never had the chance to confirm).

That fateful day when Erwin mumbled incoherently about his dreams, fear of failures, the inevitability of death, and all sorts of philosophical dilemmas to whoever happened to pass by and care enough to ask if the drunken blonde on the floor was alright (Levi being one of them).

That fateful day when Erwin rambled about his father under the influence (he spoke nothing of his mother). How proud his father must've been to see him graduate, how much Erwin missed him, and, in his own words: "He would have had money for the surgery if only I got a job instead of going straight to university. Is it weird to think that his death is partially my fault?" which Levi answered with, "It is weird. Because it's never your fault. You were too young. And now you're drunk and delusional." (He didn't tell Erwin he himself took a gap year to earn enough money for college).

The time Levi found out that, surprisingly, The Erwin Smith was undoubtedly, undeniably, and irrefutably The Stereotypical Sad Drunk. Or, possibly, The Saddest Drunk Levi had ever met in his entire life (and Levi kind of liked it. It was as if he was seeing Erwin Smith for the first time).

He never told Erwin what he saw or heard that day. And he never asked for more details about what Erwin said. But it was fine because they would be his little secrets to keep.

"Say, Erwin," Levi started, an idea planted in his mind.

"Hm?"

"How would you rate your acting skill?"

Erwin looked taken aback. "Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"

"Just answer the damn question."

"Well… I suppose nine out of ten?" Erwin shrugged. "Adjusting one's image to different audiences is a skill I consider crucial."

"Hm." Levi tilted his head. "Then what do you think of spending your holiday with my family?"

Erwin blinked twice.

"Pardon?"

"So," Erwin muttered from the passenger seat. His usual formal attire was now replaced by a thick cerulean sweater, and on his lap was a black wool coat and a leather satchel. Levi can't see Erwin's expression because the latter was turning his head away, watching the heavy snowfall from the passenger's window. Snow had started to fall this morning and if the weather's forecast was accurate, there would be a blizzard in about two to three hours. Levi was glad they traveled earlier than planned.

Erwin continued, "Let me recap: Instead of us working together as a committee for an event in the Faculty of Computer Science, I should tell your mother that we first met at a college party and dated each other since then."

"Yup."

"We were so inseparable that you decided to apply to the same startup I got hired in. And I was so smitten by you that," Erwin moved his hands around as he talked, "once I quit the startup, I recruited you to join me in this new company I moved to."

"See? This is why you're the smarter one out of us. I wouldn't have been able to memorize all those bullshits so quickly."

"Those were not entirely lies, though. We did work together in that startup. And I did ask you to move into the new company with me because I was smitten." Erwin initially stopped his comment there, but as an awkward pause filled the air, he coughed and clarified, "By your skills. I mean. I was smitten by your skills."

Levi almost snickered at that awkward addition. "Yeah, but hiring someone because of their skills doesn't sound romantic. We gotta sell it well to my mother."

Erwin hummed. His naturally low voice sent rumbles down Levi's spine. "I would not worry about that. I am especially not worried about myself."

"Sure you don't, Mr. Best Supporting Actor."

"I am not talking about my acting."

"Then what?"

It was then that Erwin finally turned to Levi. The latter peeled his gaze away from the road to glance at Erwin, finding him staring. But Erwin didn't say a word. And that made Levi uncomfortable. "What," Levi asked again, frowning, before focusing back on the road.

"Nevermind," Erwin said before eyeing the snowfall again.

Ignoring Erwin's ambiguous comments, Levi continued driving up the mountain. The sun had yet to set, but the late winter afternoon brought a thick fog with its arrival, which limited Levi's visibility. Luckily, they finally reached their destination half an hour later.

What greeted them was a small town with few vehicles and zero high-rise buildings. The road markings on the main street had faded, and the sidewalks on the smaller streets were cracked. Most buildings were old—some were well-maintained, but most weren't. Around them were small restaurants, two to three restaurant chains, local businesses, schools, and houses. What was most notable, however, was how quiet the town was. There was almost no one in sight, both due to the small population and the current terrible weather.

The town hadn't changed at all since the last time Levi came here.

"You said your cousin is in college, right? Mikasa?" Erwin asked, still facing the window. He looked like he was taking the town in slowly, etching it to memory and analyzing everything for the very first time.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Is there even a college here? The town does not seem to be very populated. Perhaps even less than two thousand people here, I assume?"

Levi nodded without realizing it. "You're right. There's no college here. Mikasa's is half an hour away from here by bus."

"Oh." Erwin turned to him. "What is she studying?"

"Nursing."

Levi couldn't see Erwin's face, but from his tone, Levi knew Erwin was smiling when he said, "Your cousin must be a very sweet girl."

Well, that one got Levi bursting into laughter.

Erwin raised an eyebrow, confused. "Did I say something wrong?"

Levi tamed his laughter before answering, "No, no. It's just. Yeah. Mikasa can be sweet sometimes. But she's mostly just—withdrawn. And quiet." Then he added as an afterthought, "And scary, too, sometimes."

"She sounds very much like her cousin."

Levi whipped his head at Erwin, offended. "Oi!"

"What? It's true!" Erwin laughed. "Even I thought you were scary back in college."

"Tch. Speak for yourself." Levi turned his head to the road again. "I used to think you're fucking intimidating, but turns out you're just another sad guy."

"Sad guy?" Erwin half-laughed, clearly amused by the comment. "What makes you say that?"

Levi didn't want to mention how he figured that out, so he simply answered, "Just a hunch."

Erwin chuckled, then said softly, "I trust you and your instincts, Levi."

Soon enough, they arrived at Kuchel's house: a two-story, old chalet next to the main road. Levi did a double-take at the snow-covered black roof, black fence, and teal wooden walls because they were all brown last year. He even remembered how faded and moldy they were. These new colors, though, looked intense and saturated. Levi wondered if they were recently painted. Neither Kuchel nor Mikasa told him anything about it.

On the uneven driveway, he could spot Uri's vintage car. Levi parked his car right behind it. Erwin and he wasted no more time unloading their belongings onto the porch. And when they got to the last item, the front door suddenly opened.

A bellowing voice soon greeted them. "A-ha! Fucking knew it was you, brat."

Levi rolled his eyes. He knew who it was just from the hoarse voice and coarse tone. "Long time no see, Kenny."

Kenny leaned his arm on the door frame. He was so tall he had to crouch a little lest his stupid fedora hit the door's head jamb (why did I just notice that he's even taller than Erwin? Levi wondered). On Kenny's right hand was a brand of cigar he'd always smoked ever since Levi was little. He took a puff out of it and released the smoke right in Levi's face, making the latter cough loudly.

"What took ya so long, eh? The snow's gotten heavier. Yer tires would—" He paused. His eyes slowly strayed to Erwin, who came up behind Levi. "Hold on." Kenny narrowed his eyes and pointed at Erwin. "Who the fuck are ya?"

Erwin stepped up and extended his hand to Kenny with a smile. "A pleasure to meet you, Sir. My name is Erwin Smith and I am Levi's boyfriend."

Kenny did not take the hand. Instead, he exclaimed in surprise, "Boyfriend?! You—" He scrutinized Erwin from head to toe with squinted eyes. "—and this runt?!" This time, he turned to scrutinize Levi and scratched his beard. After a long while, he shook his head in disbelief. "Bah! Impossible! The brat blackmailed ya into this, didn't he?"

Levi would take offense, but if he was in Kenny's shoes, he'd be just as shocked. After all, there had been multiple instances where he second-guessed his choice of co-star for this theatrical performance. Alas, the rice had turned into a porridge.

He was about to spew out the carefully rehearsed bullshits he and Erwin came up with, but the words hung on the roof of his mouth when he felt Erwin's hand on his hip, pulling him closer. Erwin chuckled at Kenny. "Fortunately, blackmail is not needed, Sir. I met him in a party at Sina University and let us just say it was love at first sight."

"Listen, listen. I like you and your Sirs, young man. Youngsters nowadays don't know how to respect their elders like that." (Levi grunted when Kenny pointed at him with his cigar). "But I ain't buying the rest!" Kenny muttered skeptically. He took another puff out of his cigar and released the smoke. "Yer lyin'!"

"I assure you I—"

"Kenny, what's with all that ruckus?!" A yell suddenly came out of the kitchen. "Is Mikasa back? I swear if you're both fighting again, you're gonna send me to the ED for high blood pressure or something this time!"

"Mama!" Levi dropped his backpack onto the floor and sprinted into the kitchen. What greeted him was a scene so familiar it was as if he was looking into his family photo album: Kuchel standing by the stove, cooking what looked like a stew. Her hair was tied in a messy ponytail and her body was wrapped in a weary, dirty, red apron.

She looked up at him when he entered the kitchen. Her eyes widened and her jaws dropped. "Oh my—Levi! When did you—oh my god. Oh my god, it's you!" Kuchel looked like she malfunctioned for a moment, unsure of what to do or say except laugh. Her eyes glistened Levi thought she was about to burst into tears, but she blinked them off. She opened her arms wide with a grin. "I missed you so much! C'mere!"

Levi hugged her like he hadn't hugged her for an entire year—which was accurate. He wrapped his arms around her neck and let her head rest between his clavicles. Levi had a humble height, but Kuchel was far shorter than him. She was the second shortest person Levi had ever met (the first being this new intern at the office named Historia). Guess the apple really didn't fall far from the tree.

"I missed you, too, Mama," he whispered, taking in the smell of cumin and tomato in her hair—probably from the stew she was cooking.

She squeezed his middle before finally pulling away, sniffing. "Oh wow. I thought you wouldn't arrive until later!" She squealed.

"We decided to leave sooner to avoid the blizzard."

Kuchel raised her eyebrows. "We?"

Oh. That was right. He hadn't told Kuchel about Erwin. "Well," Levi started, awkwardly. "I'm not alone." Then he peeked out of the kitchen to call for Erwin, disrupting the man from a conversation with Kenny he seemed so engrossed in. He'd have to ask what they were talking about—not because he was scared Kenny would discover his and Erwin's secret, but because Kenny would tell everything he knew to Uri, and Uri would discover his and Erwin's secret. No man was as perceptive as the all-knowing Uri Reiss.

Erwin came into the kitchen and, just as Levi expected, Kuchel looked at him in confusion. But unlike Kenny, Kuchel still smiled despite it, albeit awkwardly.

"Oh, hello," she said to Erwin, the corner of her mouth twitching. Then she turned to Levi. "Umm, Levi, who's this?" She asked quietly to be polite, but there was no way Erwin didn't hear her.

"He's Erwin, my boyfriend." Levi tried not to cringe at how unusual Erwin's new title sounded in his ears.

As if on cue, Erwin extended his hand and grinned. "Erwin Smith, but you can call me Erwin. Apologies for not informing you earlier, Mrs. Ackerman, but Levi and I wanted this to be a surprise."

If Erwin thought the whole thing was weird or awkward, then it didn't show in his natural tone nor his stupidly perfect face. Erwin was right. He was a good actor. He even looked like an actor—a blonde, fairly young heartthrob from the 50s or 60s film noirs. Levi truly had to pay him back for this massive favor.

"But—" Kuchel's eyes went wide like a doe's. She shook Erwin's large hand but continued to glance back and forth between the two men, confused. "But I thought Levi didn't have a boyf—"

"Sorry, Mama, I lied," Levi interjected quickly. He didn't lie back then, but he sure did now. "We've been dating for a while, but we're trying to keep it hush-hush because of our office rule. Y'know. 'No workplace dating' thing."

"Oh, I see!" Kuchel didn't drop her smile. In fact, her smile stretched further. Her cheerful voice seemed to indicate understanding, but Levi could tell she was still confused. "So… you know each other from work?"

"We have actually been together since college," Erwin answered this time. He sounded much more relaxed and in control of the narrative than Levi. "But we are now working for the same company. It is a long story."

"Well, dinner's almost ready and you can tell us everything then," Kuchel gestured to the boiling pot before turning to Levi. "How about you bring Erwin to your room so you both can unpack? I'll let you know when dinner's ready." She winked.

Levi stared at Kuchel. She seemed happy enough that he brought someone home, but something seemed off. He expected her to be a lot more excited about this. After all… wasn't this something she had always wanted for him?

So he could only reply flatly, "Okay."

"This is bad. I don't think Mama believes us." Levi paced back and forth in his room, arms crossed.

"Is our story not convincing enough? Or perhaps our acting?" Erwin's voice came out from his and Mikasa's joint bathroom.

"No, no. Your acting's fine. Maybe we're not…" Levi slowed down as it hit him. "Maybe we're not lovey-dovey enough."

Erwin let out a muffled laugh. "You? Lovey-dovey?" There was a hint of mock in his tone, and it irritated Levi.

"Tch. I know what you're thinking, but you're not the only one committed to this bit, alright?" Levi approached the bathroom door. "Look. I have an idea. Can I come in to discuss? Are you done?"

When Erwin didn't reply even after a full minute later, Levi asked again, "Erwin?"

Erwin sounded reluctant when he answered, "…only if you promise not to laugh."

Levi blinked. "What?" Without any warning, he opened the bathroom door, only to find Erwin standing in front of the illuminated washstand…

…wearing a long-sleeve shirt and pink Hello Kitty boxer.

To Erwin's dismay, Levi burst out laughing.

"Are you done?" Erwin asked exasperatedly after what seemed like an eternity. He wiped his face tiredly with his palm. "I knew you would laugh."

"Nice box—ppfft," Levi had trouble taming his laughter. He coughed. "Ahem. Ni-nice boxer."

"I had another boxer with this exact color, but with no Hello Kitty on it," Erwin explained unsolicitedly. "Seemed like I mistakenly packed the wrong underwear."

Levi stifled his laughs. Or he tried, at least, because they still came out as chuckles. "Sorry. I just… I didn't expect this," Levi gestured to the boxer, "out of you."

Erwin started chuckling, too, this time. "I am actually a big Sanrio nerd, with Badzt-Maru being my favorite. But you did not know that, so if I were in your shoes, I would have laughed, too." Then, with a softer tone, "I am glad I could make you laugh. You seemed so stressed these past few weeks, especially regarding your mother."

The comment had Levi taken aback. He knew Erwin was good at reading others, but he didn't expect Erwin to notice his change of mood like that—not when he himself didn't even realize it. So he let himself a little smile when he said, "Well, your Hello Kitty boxers are a really good distraction."

"Anyway." Erwin turned fully to him, leaning on the edge of the washstand. "What is this idea you were talking about?"

"PDA."

Erwin frowned. "You want us to perform a public display of affection?"

"Well, yeah." Levi shrugged. "Does it bother you? We can try something else if it does."

"I would not worry about me if I were you." Erwin's stare then was not something Levi could decipher. "I would worry about you." Erwin jerked his chin at Levi. "Will it not bother you?"

Levi walked to the washstand and positioned himself between the furniture and Erwin. Once he turned to face Erwin, he hoisted himself up and sat on the washstand. "I trust you," He said, staring right into Erwin's blue eyes. Levi placed his palms on his knees and leaned forward, feet dangling a little. "Try kissing me."

Erwin raised his eyebrow. "Okay," he simply said, before leaning forward, too, and placed a peck at Levi's temple.

When he leaned back, Levi stared at him incredulously. "The fuck was that?"

"That was a kiss." Erwin grinned.

"Kiss me on the lips, idiot. We're adults, not innocent toddlers meeting for the first time by the swings in a community playground."

Erwin laughed. "Alright, alright. Outside of work, you clearly are the boss." From the way Erwin gently cupped the side of Levi's face and rubbed his ear, it was clear Erwin had done this a million times. Levi decided to close his eyes and trust Erwin…

…until he felt Erwin kiss his cheek.

Levi's eyes snapped open. He glared at Erwin's smug face. "That's it," Levi said.

This time, he grabbed the front of Erwin's shirt and yanked him forward. Erwin made a startling noise as he lost his balance, though he quickly regained it by placing his hands on Levi's thighs.

Levi had to look up and tilt his head to meet Erwin's face, but he finally gave it a test: his lips locking with Erwin's.

And so did their teeth—which produced a little knocking sound.

And a little of their tongues—which gave both of their lips extra wetness.

All of which amounted to an uncomfortable feeling, and Levi wondered if he really had to repeat this in front of his mother, uncle, uncle's boyfriend, and cousin just to make them happy. It didn't seem worth it.

And just like that, the bathroom door that led to Mikasa's room opened.

"Ew! What the fuck?!"

The low-pitched shriek-like voice prompted Levi and Erwin to glance at the door and found a green-eyed teenager with long brown hair, a ripped and oversized black shirt (why were there pins holding the pathetic fabric together?), and equally ripped black skinny jeans.

Erwin and Levi instantly broke apart, and Levi got down from the washstand to stride up to the teenager. Said teenager moved back slowly.

"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing in this house?" Levi crowded him despite being slightly shorter than him. He hoped his stern voice intimidated the teenager enough that he was forced to talk.

However, the answer he was looking for came from another person's mouth. "You're Levi, aren't you? The kid is your cousin's boyfriend."

"I'm not a kid!" The kid exclaimed.

Levi whipped his head to an unknown tall man standing by Mikasa's bedroom door. He had short, wavy platinum blonde hair, glasses, and a thick mustache that descended into a beard. He was wearing a hoodie with the Sina University logo on it, and in his hands were two backpacks Levi didn't recognize.

Levi narrowed his eyes. "And who the fuck are you?"

"I'm your cousin's boyfriend's brother." The man shrugged nonchalantly. "I gave the kids a lift here."

"What." Levi blinked, while the kid exclaimed (again), "For fuck's sake, I'm not a kid!"

"I think," Erwin started, appearing from the bathroom. He seemed to have found a pair of trousers to hide his Hello Kitty boxers. "He is trying to say that the kid and he are here with Mikasa."

"Ah. Finally someone intelligent," the unknown blonde man said, while the kid exclaimed (for the third time), "I'm not a kid! I'm eighteen!"

Levi ignored the kid and glared at the unknown blonde as he tried to remember the name of Mikasa's boyfriend. Was it Aaron? Andrew? Adrian? Fuck. None of them rang a bell. "And what are you both doing in Mikasa's room?" He instead asked. He pointed at the belongings in the blonde man's hands. "Those aren't Mikasa's."

"These are ours. Kuchel told us we can take Mikasa's room."

"What." Levi frowned, not having the slightest idea what the man was talking about. There were so many questions running in his head, but he settled with, "What do you mean?"

"We're staying the night," the man answered, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. "She said it's impossible to go back with the blizzard."

Out of the corner of his eye, Levi saw Erwin approaching the blonde man and gesturing at the backpacks. "Do you need help?"

Levi almost choked. "Erwin!"

"What. These look heavy," was all Erwin said as he placed the backpacks near Mikasa's bed. He then turned to the blonde man and pointed at his hoodie. "Are you a Sina alumnus? I am Sina's Class of 842, and Levi is Class of 839."

"I'm not an alumnus. But I'm currently working in Sina as a post-doc researcher."

"Fascinating." The corner of Erwin's lips bent upward, and he nodded. Erwin was clearly impressed. "What are you researching?"

"The portrayal of anti-natalism in media and the public perception of it. In case you didn't know, anti-natalism basically deals with—"

"—with the morality of procreation," Erwin finished for him. His smile bloomed. "Quite the controversial topic you got there. What about it piqued your interest?"

Zeke raised his eyebrow at Erwin's familiarity with the topic. "Casting my personal bias aside, we humans go through so much sufferings and inflict sufferings on everything and everyone, too. To procreate and expose our children to this destructive cycle is a questionable decision." He shrugged. "There are other arguments for it, but this was what initially piqued my interest."

Erwin hummed. "That is a very interesting view. To be frank, I cannot claim to wholeheartedly agree with it, but I know you will definitely love the book Better Never to Have Been."

The blonde man smiled a toothy grin. "I do love that book. In fact, it's my favorite publication that I wrote. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into writing it." His tone changed from one of mild interest to one of pure pride.

Erwin's eyes widened as if they were about to bulge out of their sockets. "Are you serious?! Then you are—you are—" Erwin shut his eyes and frowned, thinking. A few beats passed, then he opened his eyes with a grunt. "Forgive my disrespect, but I might need a reminder of the author's name."

Zeke laughed heartily. "It's fine. You're good. I'm Zeke. Zeke Yeager." Zeke extended his hand. "And you are?"

"Erwin Smith." Erwin shook Zeke's hand.

"Did you study philosophy at Sina, Smith?"

"Erwin is fine. And no, I studied computer science, but my late father always told me there's no knowledge that isn't useful. Hence, I'd like to know things outside of my field, too."

Zeke nodded slowly, no longer smiling. His tone was solemn when he said, "That's a very commendable view. Your father must be a great man."

Levi didn't know if others in the room noticed it, but Erwin's smile turned a little wry when he said, "He was."

Feeling left out of the conversation, Levi had half a mind to interrupt. But it turned out he didn't need to, because somebody else already did.

"Eren, didn't you hear? Kuchel told us dinner's read—" Mikasa showed up right then and there outside of her bedroom, but stopped when her eyes fell on Levi. Her flat expression instantly turned sour, and she turned on her heel, going back to wherever she came from (the kitchen downstairs, Levi assumed).

Levi cursed inwardly as he realized his cousin was still angry at him after their call last week.

"Well, we better not have Kuchel waiting. I am famished." Erwin said as he walked out of the room first, unaware of the tension between his fake boyfriend and said fake boyfriend's cousin.

The Eren kid followed suit, almost half-sprinting out of the room.

Levi was about to follow them before he heard Zeke muttered to himself, "He has nice tits."

Levi turned to Zeke in horror as he realized who he was talking about. Without thinking, Levi commented, "He's my boyfriend." Fake boyfriend, Levi had to remind himself.

This had Zeke looking at him for the first time in the past few minutes. Through his round glasses, Zeke scrutinized him from head to toe. And, as if he was satisfied with his conclusion, Zeke looked away and shrugged. "Well. Tell your boyfriend I said he has nice tits."

Zeke walked out of the room and Levi might or might not wish he stepped on a Lego on his way out.

Levi sighed. This was definitely going to be a long holiday.

A/N: I've always liked the idea of Zeke being Levi's love rival instead of Marie; and also the idea of Levi and Zeke fighting for Erwin instead of the usual Zeke and Erwin fighting for Levi lol. So, I'm happy I got to channel my wants and needs in this fic. This fic is also me channeling the "eldest daughter of an Asian family" energy to Levi lmaooo.

Thank you for reading and expect more cheese (but also Ackerman bondings) in the next chapter! Reviews are appreciated~ :D

PS. Kuchel got hospitalized in this chapter due to ADHF (acute decompensated heart failure), and "Better Never to Have Been" is a real book by an irl anti-natalist oooff (disclaimer: I don't 100% agree with the concept of antinatalism, but Zeke DEFINITELY does in canon)

PPS. "The rice had turned into a porridge" is an Indonesian proverb directly translated from "nasi sudah menjadi bubur". Had half a mind to think of another metaphor for "what's done is done," but this one came to mind first and I wanted to keep it lol