Author's Note: First of all, I'm sure I'll come up with a better title for this story. Flip the Script — as it's called for now — is a re-write of the series from the beginning. The first two episodes will feature in this story, and then it'll diverge and I'll accommodate for character development as needed considering two main characters are not in this story. I've wondered how the show would be it were Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey. It'll change course of the series almost immediately because the first scene in this chapter is something we're familiar with. Lines were either reassigned to Joey, Phoebe, or omitted altogether. Of course, I also took my own creative liberties as well.
Monica Geller sighed in exasperation, looking between Phoebe and Joey while they continued to interrogate her on the guy she was planning on seeing later that evening. It's not the first time her friends have done this sort of thing, and it bothered her. However, it was nowhere near as infuriating as her mother's critical comments whenever Monica called her.
"Monica, you're twenty-five and you continue to associate yourself with these hippies. Don't you think it's time you start looking for a husband? It's time to grow up, sweetie."
"Monica, your fashion sense is atrocious. You continue to dress like you're two hundred pounds. Let the world see your beauty and Lord knows a guy will finally ask you out."
"Monica, is being a chef really something you want to do for the rest of your life? It's time-consuming, and I worry that it's taking time away from you finding a husband."
Every single critical comment her mother made always came back to Monica finding a husband; and it certainly didn't help when she received a wedding invitation earlier in the year to her former best friend's wedding. Monica hadn't seen Rachel in years; and she knew it would not be wise to go to the event, just a few weeks away.
For now, Monica didn't want to commit to a serious relationship; especially not after what happened with Kip. Her Nana Thea had warned her about the guy, that he was a bit of a Lothario in the apartment building. But Monica was young, stupid, and was finally feeling good about her figure for once. Kip said all the right things so Monica would trust him, he made all the right moves to fool her into believing she was safe.
Then, one day, he dumped her out of the blue and left without much of a good-bye to the group. Monica was left feeling sick and heartbroken; realizing in retrospect that her grandmother had been right. Even worse? She lost her virginity to Kip. Monica wasn't the religious type to believe in abstaining from sex before marriage; but she believed sex was meant to be between two people who loved and cared about each other deeply.
While Monica loved and cared about Kip, he clearly didn't feel the same for her.
After that, Monica decided never again; never again would she commit herself to a relationship with a guy because it always left her heart-broken. Nobody had ever come as close to eliciting the same feelings within her soul as Kip had.
Now she had her two best friends relentlessly interrogating her about this mystery guy.
"There's nothing to tell, he's just some guy I work with."
"Come on, Monica," Joey laughed, a look of disbelief on his face. "You're going out with this guy, so there has to be something wrong with him. We all know you're a magnet for losers; this isn't going to go anywhere and you'll end up heart-broken. Again.
Monica shot a glare at her friend; like there really had to be something wrong with him? She knew she had a bad track record of dating, but there must have been some decent guys out there; but none of them matched what she was looking for in a romantic partner. That's all she wanted at the moment, a casual partner. She was not ready to get married.
"Wait!" Phoebe cried suddenly as she sat up on the sofa. "Does he eat chalk?"
"What?" Monica shook her head. "No, he does not eat chalk."
"I just don't want you to go through the same thing I went through with Carl." Phoebe shrugged, leaning back in her seat. Monica rolled her eyes at the typical antics of her best friend. She loved Phoebe; but goodness, that woman was on another planet at times.
"Just calm down, you guys. This isn't even a date! This is just two people going out to dinner."
"And…" Joey queried.
"We may or may not have sex. Whatever we do isn't really your business."
"Sounds like a date to me!" Joey said to Phoebe with a smirk on his face.
"Whatever." Monica laughed, taking a sip of her coffee. The three friends fell into a comfortable silence. While Phoebe and Joey could irritate her at times, she felt absolutely nothing but adoration for her friends. Monica thought back to how she first met them.
When Monica first moved to the city, her Nana Thea offered her the spacious apartment that she was somehow able to afford. The woman advised her to get a roommate, which she decided to do. She posted roommates wanted advertisements with help from Ross and Carol, both of whom had spent some time in the same apartment.
Barely a whole day after she posted the "Roommate Wanted" ad in the newspaper, a woman showed up at the door of Apartment 20. Her outfit was wild and nothing like Monica had ever seen back on Long Island. She and Ross were immediately skeeved by this stranger, but Carol welcomed her in.
When she introduced herself as Phoebe Buffay and began telling the 'normal' parts of her life story – as instructed by her grandmother – Monica started to warm up to this quirky woman. It took Ross a bit longer, but, soon enough, he welcomed Phoebe into the little group of friends. Kip, the neighbor across the hall, found his way into the group and they became five.
Joey moved into the apartment after Kip left, recommended to him by a friend. The first encounter Monica had with him was awkward and she was left feeling sick. But Joey was an honest man, apologized, and soon became friends with all of them. He was true to his word and loyal. Although he could be inappropriate at times, he had nothing but a heart of gold.
"Hi," the dejected voice of Monica's brother interrupted the comfortable silence some time later. The three friends turned and gasped when they saw he was soaking wet. Ross sat on the vacant loveseat with a miserable sigh, running a hand through his damp hair.
"Ross, sweetie, are you okay?" Monica was alarmed by the appearance of her brother. She knew that he was taking this divorce from Carol pretty hard. Ever since it became finalized a month earlier, Ross had been struggling to cope. Now, Monica only wished she had been more present for her brother.
"I- I just feel like some- someone reached down my thread, grab- grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth, and- and tied it around my neck."
Monica noticed Phoebe and Joey's confused facial expression. She understood more than both of them on why Ross embellished his misery in such a graphic way; but she knew that they wouldn't. Carol Willick played a significant role in Ross' life for numerous reasons. If it hadn't been for her… well, Monica shuddered internally at the horrific alternative.
Carol had saved Ross. Saved him from himself, and his destructive thoughts and action.
"Let me get you some coffee." Monica offered as she stood up. She ordered a decaf with no milk as she observed Ross carefully.
"Oh, no! Get away!" Phoebe began to cry suddenly as she made frantic plucking motions with her hands in front of Ross. "Go, go on!"
"No, Phoebe. Don't do that. Stop cleansing my aura. Just leave my aura alone, okay?"
"Fine!" Phoebe snapped. 'Be murky!"
Monica bit her lips as she fought back a laugh. Typical Phoebe trying to help in her own way.
"Look, I'll be fine. Alright? Really, I hope she'll be very happy." Monica didn't miss the sarcasm in her brother's tone. He really was taking the divorce pretty hard; she couldn't remember the last time he looked so miserable.
"No, you don't." Monica grabbed the cup of coffee and placed a couple dollar bills on the counter before handing the cup to Ross, who took a generous sip.
"You're right." Ross smacked his lips. "I don't. To hell with her, she left me!"
"Ross, look. I know you're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry, you're hurting. D'you want me to tell you what the answer is?" Joey suggested eagerly.
Monica rolled her eyes, anticipating what was about to be said.
"Sure, what is it? I'm up for anything!"
"Strip joints! C'mon, you're single. Have some hormones, man!"
Yep, that's pretty spot-on. Monica rolled her eyes. She knew Joey meant well, but strip joints were definitely something Ross didn't need right now. He needed support from his friends in meaningful ways that didn't involve watching women get undressed.
"I don't want to be single, all right? I want to be married again. Carol was it for me."
A few hours later, the friends are sitting around Monica's apartment watching a telenovela El Deseo Rojo del Amor. Although none of them knew any Spanish, it was still enjoyable to watch and come up with imaginary dialogue.
"I'm guessing that he bought her that big pipe organ, and she's not happy about it." Monica guessed as a man and woman argued on the television screen.
"I'll have whatever Christine is having." Phoebe said in a deep voice before the scene changed to show two women standing on a flight of stairs, one holding the other's bleached hair.
"I say push her down the stairs," Joey pumped his fists eagerly as an argument escalated between the women on the screen.
"Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!" Phoebe and Ross cried alongside Joey.
The intercom suddenly buzzed, but Monica was too focused on the program to really pay any attention. Instead, Joey pulled himself away from the screen to answer the intruder.
"Hey, what's up?"
"It's, uh, Paul." The voice came through the speaker, sounding awkward.
"Oh, my god!" Monica looked at her watch and saw the time. "It's 6:30! Buzz him in, Joey!" Monica hurried off the sofa and rushed into the bathroom, making sure she looked presentable. She quickly ran a brush through her hair before returning to the kitchen.
"Who's Paul?" Joey asked, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed.
"Wait. Not Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?" Ross walked over to his sister.
"Maybe?" Monica shrugged, knowing Phoebe and Joey would have figured it out.
"So your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy? Dude, that's a big deal!"
"He finally asked you out! I'm so happy for you." Ross wrapped his arms around Monica, who just rolled her eyes in response. It seemed like her brother was back to his usual teasing self, which was good; but she was still concerned for him and felt guilty about going on this date.
"Will you be okay, Ross? I can cancel this date."
"No way, are you crazy? Go! It's Paul the Wine Guy!" Monica was a little alarmed at how excitable her brother was suddenly being, but she decided to let it go. Hopefully Phoebe and Joey would support him for the evening; as long as it didn't involve going to a strip joint.
There was a knock on the door and Monica hurried to answer it.
"Hi, come on in! Paul, these are my friends. Guys, this is Paul."
"So, Paul the Wine Guy, was it?" Ross quipped with a teasing smile. Monica shook her head, making a mental note to pull Phoebe aside before she left.
"I'll be right back, I just got to go change my shirt." Monica hurried to her bedroom, replacing her oversized t-shirt with something more formal. She returned to the kitchen a moment later to see her friends interrogating Paul. She rolled her eyes and pulled him out the door.
"Nice meeting you!" Paul waved after the friends as the door shut behind him and Monica.
"You're looking very nice tonight, Monica. I have to say, ah, I'm a little nervous about this date." Paul told her at a candlelit table half an hour. "This is actually my first date since the divorce. I'm trying to get myself back out there but it's been pretty challenging. I think my main issue is trusting the woman. My, uh, my ex… she cheated on me with her dentist. It went on for about a year before I caught her and she didn't deny it."
"Oh, my god! That's awful." Monica took his hand and squeezed it gently.
"I know! I'm such an idiot. I mean, I guess I should've caught on when she began going to the dentist four or five times a week. Seriously, how clean can teeth get?"
"My brother just got a divorce and he's a complete mess. How'd you get through it?"
"Well, he could try to break something valuable of hers, say her—"
"Leg?" Monica blurted out and mentally hit herself for saying something so stupid.
"Ah, that's one way. I went for the watch."
"Wow, you actually broke her watch? Well, I don't think I've ever done that kind of damage." Monica laughed, thinking back to when Kip had suddenly up and left. She didn't have anything of his to break, otherwise she probably would have.
"Yeah, I took it pretty hard." Paul went silent for a moment. "You know, ever since she left, I… uh, well this is more of a fifth date revelation. I feel a bit embarrassed about this."
"Oh, so there'll be a fifth date?" Monica was a little wary about this. Paul had been the wine distributor at her restaurant for just a few months. They'd only spoken a handful of times before he expressed interest in going out on a date with her. Monica wasn't looking to get into a relationship right now, and she almost felt bad for leading him on if he was looking for something more.
"I think so? Ah, I mean, I know I'm being too forward here. But Monica, I really feel like we could have something. I feel this intense chemistry with you. Whenever I'm in that restaurant, all I can think is I've gotta see Monica. Nothing but great things have been said about you. You're smart, funny, charming. We definitely don't have to rush into anything; but I'd like to see where this could go. I really think we could have something good. But if you don't want any of that, then I get it." Paul looked away from her, biting his lips.
"I- well, we'll see how this date goes. Anyways, what were you going to say?" Monica asked, reaching for her cup of tea.
"All right, don't laugh. But ever since my ex left, I haven't been able to perform sexually."
"Whoa!" Monica spat out her coffee. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She repeated, frantically reaching for a napkin. How could she have been so stupid. This guy was clearly vulnerable, and he clearly understood the meaning of heartbreak in the way she did.
"No, it's ok." Paul laughed nervously, wiping his suit pants with a napkin.
"Being spit on is not what you need right now. I'm sorry about that. So, how long?"
"Two years."
"Wow! Well, it's probably a good thing you smashed her watch, then."
"So, do you think we could go on another date? Ever after what I just told you?"
What can it hurt? This guy is clearly still dealing with heartbreak!
"Yeah, I think so." Monica smiled as she resumed drinking her coffee.
A few days passed and Monica still hadn't heard from Paul the Wine Guy. She figured he really was trying to take it slow and not rush into a committed relationship just yet, and she couldn't blame him. He was still traumatized by the divorce and being cheated on by his ex-wife, and Monica herself was still trying to warm up to the idea of being in a relationship after so long; the last one was being with Kip.
As usual, Monica was turning her focus to work. The busy season was starting to slow down at Iridium; but it was the popular place to be in Tribeca. While she enjoyed the company; the food and atmosphere were not her style. She liked a laid-back environment for dining and ordinary every-day American food. Sure, she liked to eat out on occasion to a nice restaurant, like she had done with Paul the other night; but she would never go to extravagant and overly-expensive restaurants such as Iridium.
"Hey, Monica!" Frannie, another line cook, greeted as she stepped into the kitchen.
"Welcome back, Frannie. How was your vacation?" Monica smiled, eager to finally share her rendezvous with a work friend. Joey and Phoebe had been giving her a hard time the past few days knowing very well that she could be falling for this Paul guy; but she continued to remain guarded. She wanted him to call her and go on that second date, she wanted to see if they were actually compatible and she could commit to a long-term relationship.
"You had sex, didn't you?" Frannie inquired as she prepared her station. "I mean, girl. You not only had sex, but you're falling in love? Don't say no, because I dang well know the look of a love-sick puppy."
"Gosh, Fran. I don't know if I'm in love; but I'm definitely warming up to being in a relationship. He wants to take it slow and I'm okay with that."
"Well, who is he then? Girl, don't dangle a treat and take it away!"
"All right, you know Paul?"
"Paul? As in Paul in the Wine Guy? Oh, Lordy. Do I know Paul!" Frannie laughed, shaking her head as she prepared her ingredients.
"Wait," Monica paused, turning to fully face Frannie. "You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?"
"Honey, you kidding me? I take credit for Paul because before me, boy couldn't work his junk for two years. I gotta say, it's a blessing I came along when I did."
Monica stared at Fran as she began to work on the restaurant's special of the day. She couldn't believe she had even been considering getting into a relationship with Paul. Fury settled over her, she focused on work to get her mind off the filthy pig who claimed that he was falling for her. Just like Kip, he knew all the right things to say and do.
"… and then she tells me that she takes credit for Paul, because before her, he hadn't had sex in two years!" Monica finished angrily that night at Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, and Ross listened intently as she told the story.
"Am I the last one to realize this was some line to get me into bed? I mean, I'm all for sex. Yeah, that's great and all. But to come up with ridiculous bullshit about falling in love? Ugh, I've had it! I hate men! I hate all of them!"
"Oh, Monica, you don't want to do that. Please don't hate. You don't want to put that out into the universe." Phoebe told her friend.
"Hey, how about becoming a lesbian?" Joey waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"Joey…" Ross warned.
"Pig." Monica snapped.
"All right, come over here. Give me your feet." Monica huffed as she laid back on the couch and rested her feet in Phoebe's lap. She remained in quiet contemplation as Phoebe gently pressed her thumbs in gentle circles.
"He was so nice, he seemed so genuine that I actually began to care. I actually started to consider that maybe getting into a relationship after all this time might not be so bad."
The group fell quiet, with Phoebe humming as she massaged Monica's feet. Monica could feel the tension and aggravation begin to ebb away when Joey let out a loud laugh.
"I still can't believe you didn't know it was a line!"
"Oh, screw you." Monica pushed Joey off the arm of the couch. She loved him, but Joey could be completely inappropriate at times. He rounded out the group well enough, though she didn't feel the connection with him that Phoebe and Ross had.
"Hey, good thoughts." Phoebe warned.
Monica sighed, allowing Phoebe to resume her massage. Joey was wise enough not to make another inappropriate remark and instead bid the group good night. When Monica, Phoebe, and Ross were done with their coffee, Phoebe headed home while the Geller siblings went upstairs to watch some television.
At some point, Monica must have fallen asleep because she woke up on the couch to hear the National Anthem playing, indicating the end of broadcast before the television station went off air for the night.
"All right, that's it." Ross stood from the loveseat and threw his soda can in the trash.
"Are you going to crash here?" Ross had been spending the last few nights alternating between Monica and Joey's apartments, not ready to embrace the reality of being alone.
"No, I've got to go home some time. Might as well do it tonight."
"Will you be okay?"
"Yeah. Hey, Mon, what's that?" Ross pointed towards a shiny object near the ottoman.
"Oh, it's Paul's watch." Monica smirked.
"Well, are you planning on returning it to him?"
Monica mused for half a second before stomping on the watch and turning to her brother.
"Well, that'll do, then. Good night, Mon."
"Night, Ross."
Author's Note 2: Thank you to the individuals who have posted the script over on github. I really appreciate you guys. Thanks!