POLLUTA VICTORIA

Defiled Victory

Ellara refused to let anyone see him as his energy slowly came back to him. For the first day, Enki drifted in and out of reality as the Capitol medicine did what it needed to do. Sometimes he registered what was going on, like when they bandaged his shoulder and stitched the wound shut. Others, he had to trust they knew what they were doing.

It wasn't until the third day that he fully came around, the headache of the Games rushing back to him.

As she had always been, Ellara was waiting for him, sitting in a chair next to his bed and smiling at him.

"You were beginning to worry the doctors with how out of it you were," She said with a chuckle, handing Enki a glass of water that he gladly accepted. Water that was undoubtedly clean was something he had missed in the arena. "I told them that us District Two folk are tough but they didn't quite want to believe me."

Enki stifled a laugh, though he found it hard with everything that weighed on him. After all of that – after every single element of the Games – nothing had changed. He still couldn't save those he cared about when he needed to and was only ever good at doing what someone else told him, not what he wanted. He bit his lip, eyes cast downwards.

"Stop thinking about it." Ellara's words were firm. Full of the maternal love he had come to expect of her (he hated remembering how he nearly cried the first time she said she was proud of him), but firm. "Whatever happened there is irrelevant. You need to stop, for your sake."

"How did you know?" Enki's voice was sore. He hadn't screamed much in the arena, but the harshness of the air seemingly caught up with him. That, paired with him not using it much for the past few days, made for a pretty awful sound.

"We all went through it and I'm telling you – it's not worth the anguish. Be kind to yourself, you only did what you needed to do," Ellara sighed, a hand reaching out and holding one of his in her palm. "I don't know what your mo– Marida told you, but you did so well Enki. So, so well. You need to be proud of yourself."

He glanced over at her, seeing the aged Victor's face full of a mix of pride and concern. Something rushed through Enki that he couldn't explain – an emotion he had felt once, long ago but had since forgotten. It wasn't bad and more like a warm hug on a cold day. "But I killed innocent kids – they didn't deserve to die."

"And you did?"

Enki wanted to reply that he did – that death was the only real way he could atone for his sins but he couldn't. Not when Ellara looked at him the way she did. He both knew it was futile and that she'd be unrelenting in her praise of him; of her reassurance that everything was okay.

"Does Idola hate me?" Enki asked after a moment of silence, knowing that the other Victor likely had prayed for his downfall so her sister could come home. "I killed Cleo, didn't I?"

Ellara bit her lip before nodding. "You brought your maul right down onto her head. A near replica for what you did to the girl from Three." There was a pause and Ellara shrugged. "Miss. Lavinscount isn't best pleased, no, but she knew what Cleopatra was getting into. She was just proud she got as far as she did. Besides, the doctors have said that slash across your nose is going to be a scar – Idola was most pleased that her sister left a mark."

Enki laughed and gingerly brought a hand to his nose, happy knowing that Cleo would still be with him in one way.

"I mean it, Enki, I'm so, so proud of you." Ellara's words were genuine and full of love – something Marida couldn't possibly do, not in the pure, uncomplicated way Ellara could. "Arkur would be just as proud."

Enki cried at that and, for the first time ever, he answered questions about his life before the Academy without fear of saying the wrong thing, knowing he was doing something good.

And it felt good – felt like that was his atonement.

Enki didn't want to see Marida when he got home. There were so many reasons – too many – but he knew that he didn't want to see her anymore. From the way she spoke to him to the way her very presence only served to remind him of those painful days of his life, he knew he didn't want to see her anymore. There was also the guilt; the way that the murders he committed ate at him inside, always being present in his head. Marida, on the other hand, was always nonchalant about what she had done in the past. Upset with how the Peacekeeper force turned out, sure, but never showing the same remorse as Enki felt.

He felt as if he didn't know her and wondered if he ever actually did.

It was disgusting – she was disgusting – but Enki didn't blame her. How could he, when he was searching for forgiveness also?

"You were supposed to be my redemption," Marida choked through sobs as if her body couldn't contain her anger as he collected his things to leave. "Not another one of her prodigies. My Enki…"

"You got your redemption," Enki said, offering her a small smile. It was genuine, but non-committal. He wasn't hers anymore. He never would be, not again. "I'm the Victor. I won. You got what you want – you're free."

Marida shouted something back to him, but Enki ignored her. Instead, he made his way to the park and Theseus and Lynaera's open arms.

Sitting alone in a room with Idola was the last place Enki wanted to be. It was awkward – he was awkward – and the silence that settled between them didn't help anything.

"At least she gave you a hard time," Idola said, glancing at him. There was something critical about it, as if she were checking to see if he really did deserve the victory over her sister. "Can't ask for anything more than that, if she couldn't win."

"I mean, she left me with this…" Enki brought a hand to the scar – his scar – that ran across the bridge of his nose. "Can't forget that so easy…"

Idola scoffed but the smile remained on her face. "I don't blame you – just wish it could've been different, y'know?"

"Enki…" Ellara's voice softened in a way that Enki had recognised. It was the same way – the same tone – that Marida had used during his first few weeks in District Two. The attempted sweetness to mask intruding eyes that he, in another life, tried to use to squeeze information out of his birth mother of the inner workings of the Sanctuary.

Ellara was different to Marida, however. She always had been. From the way he wanted to make her proud to the genuine interest she had in how he felt. There was a warmth to Ellara's voice and demeanour – a sincere sense of care. For the first time since his home had been ripped from him, Enki felt as if someone cared about how he felt. No; he knew someone cared about how he felt.

"She'll be fine," Enki said resolutely. "I did what she needed me to do and she's gotten me to this point." He paused, giving Ellara a smile. "Arena taught me I should probably try and do things myself – even if I'll worry about my decisions for hours afterwards."

Ellara laughed, nodding. "I think we all go through that – especially when we get our mansion in the village." Enki hadn't even given much thought about the home he was promised. It was an exciting prospect and he already dedicated some of his thoughts to planning out how he'd decorate it.

The Victor cleared her throat. "I have one last thing for you Enki."

If he weren't eighteen, Enki knew he'd naively hope it'd be adoption papers or something. Anything to get him further away from Marida and closer to Ellara. "For me?"

Ellara nodded, pulling a piece of paper out that Enki barely recognised as being some sort of legal name form. "I thought long and hard about this but I believe you deserve it. Not many know this – nobody, I think – but Knut isn't one's actual last name."

Enki felt as if part of his mind had been blown; for years, everyone had revered Ellara with the very name and it was strange to consider her as having an alternative.

"It was a stage name I took shortly after winning," She continued, hands smoothing over non-existent creases in the paper. "After the Second Rebellion, the Capitol erased all mentions of my true surname at one's request –"

The more Ellara spoke, the more curious Enki was as to the direction it was going on. He had some hopeful premonitions but refused to let himself fantasise about what could or couldn't be.

" – Irrespective. Rothscade is my surname; Arkur's too. I know The Sanctuary tossed away surnames and you don't need to accept but I wanted to offer it to you so you can make your own legacy away from everything. The chance to be a new Enki, one that starts with you."

Enki bit his lip, feeling like crying all over again.

"Ah, Mr. Rothscade –" The name still felt foreign to Enki even after eight months from his victory. Good, but foreign. Needed more getting used to. " – Allow me to introduce you to our prodigy mutt designer; it was him who made the bull mutt for your Games!"

Enki allowed himself to be chauffeured towards whichever Capitolite the Gamemaker felt it important to meet. Why they thought he'd want to meet the sick, twisted mind behind one of the creatures that still gave him nightmares, he didn't know.

Fuckin' weirdos…

"Mr. Rothscade, meet the maker of the iconic mutts in your arena – Nanna Coactare."

As the person turned around and Enki found himself face to face with his long-lost twin, he felt his world around him shatter once more.

Thank-you Erik for Enki! He's an amazing pookie that I'm glad I was able to both torture and give him some hope in the end. I hope you enjoyed reading about his time before, during and after the arena!

I wonder just how Enki'll react to his twin standing before him - maybe we'll find out in the future?

Thanks to Goldie and Moose for organising the SYOT Verses Victor Exchange - it's always fun!