The look they share as they tumble backwards together is a perfect mixture of passion, lust and, for them, unfamiliar anger. The words that passed between them in the build up to their struggle still rings in their ears, the venom with which they were spat out simply increases their fury with one another, their rage almost bursting from every pore on their body. Neither have felt this towards the other before but neither regrets what has been said. For once, what was said was meant to hurt, to wound and to infuriate. Neither could keep it in any longer, each wanted the other to know that they had reached their limit. That this was it; no more games.
But neither can deny the familiar stirring inside of themselves no matter how much they try. It's clear to them now that nothing, no damaging words, no amount of hurt or anger will ever be able to slay what they have. But right now it has to, in this moment it has to vanish. Their want for each is desperately threatening to emerge in a look or a stiffness but neither man can risk that. Neither can submit first. Not now.
Until one of them does.
Christian's eyes almost stab in to Syed's as both men finally give up on their struggle, their bodies unmoving against each others. His mind clearing, Syed realises where he is. He's beneath him, where he always longs to be. He belongs here, his body belongs linked to his like this. The fit of the two of them together is faultless and no amount of arguing could make him forget that. Against his wishes his mind brings in a fresh set of memories and the stirring inside of him intensifies. Recollections of him and his lover together dance inside his mind; he can still taste Christian's cock on his tongue, feel his hands on his hips as he steadies him before he enters him and, more arousing than anything, he can still smell the lingering scent of their sex in the room as they lay together afterwards, completely spent. They're just memories, remembrances, but they will never not provoke his lust. Nor would he ever want them to.
Christian's grip on his throat makes it difficult for him to breathe but it's awakened a mania in Syed that he has never felt before and he likes it. He has no doubt in his mind that Christian would never hurt him, but this feeling? The gentle fright of his breath becoming restricted, the throttling feeling of Christian's hand showing no sign of letting go? It was arousing him in the most intense way. The softness of their previous lovemaking seemed like a different world from where they are right now and, again, those blissful times edge closer in to Syed's head. He's abandoned any attempts to stop them playing in his mind, he knows not to fight a losing battle, especially with himself. Because this is the man he loves and that love has such power that he knows he'd wrestle the devil himself for him. His resistance towards him is meaningless but he still hasn't learned to admit that to Christian. He can't. For both of their sakes.
He can hear his conscience as it screams at him not to do what the rest of his body pleads with him to do, but the screams of his body are louder and they win the argument. He wants him, right now he wants him like he's never wanted him before. There's a fire in Christian's eyes that he's never seen before and Syed feels almost cheated to have never seen this side of him before. Angry Christian. Yielding to what his heart and body wants Syed reaches his hand up around Christian's neck and pulls him down on to him, their lips crashing together in a passion neither believed possible. The resistance Syed was expecting isn't there, he wants him too.
Their kiss is forceful, so charged with the emotional pain they're both feeling that its intensity borders on rough but neither lets go, neither backs down from it. They need it to be like this, anything less wouldn't satisfy either of them in this moment.
Christian knows he's kissing a different Syed tonight, he can feel the change in him. His kiss isn't as it always is, there's no softness, no relief that he's finally with him again. It's fuelled by a lethal combination of lust and anger. They've kissed and fucked when Syed's been angry before but never like this. He's hurting and Christian can tell. But he doesn't care because he's hurting too, so much. He realises he's never shown his real anger to Syed, not really. He's seen him hurt, upset, pissed off even but never has he let his anger towards him out. The fear that it would drive him away for good was too much of a risk and one he was never prepared to take. Now, almost mocking him, all that suppressed anger has burst from him and it's impossible for him to rein it back in. It's has to be dealt with and Syed can see it. But he isn't phased by it, Christian has no doubt of that, and that just adds to it. He's done everything he can tonight to turn him away from him. He's mocked him, insulted him, fuck he's even faked aggression with his hand around his throat, but it's done nothing to deter him and he can feel it in his kiss; Syed wants him to fuck him when he's angry. Not tonight. Tonight he doesn't trust himself enough to stop.
Breaking their kiss Christian pushes himself up from the sofa with his right hand, his left clutching Syed's jacket, and he pulls him up with him. He can see in his face that he's surprised by his strength and Christian can't help but smirk at him. Fucker he thinks to himself, the anger still controlling his lust. He knows he can resist him for now but he won't be able to for much longer so he replays what Syed said to him to keep his mind focused. The nerve of him for turning up here, letting himself in with the key he's never returned, for kissing him. All this he hopes will feed the anger he desperately wants to hold on to. He needs to feed it, he needs his ego to be prodded and he needs to feel like the bigger man right now. He needs to have complete control because he can't fuck him tonight, not like this.
Syed feels his hand drop from his jacket moments before he sees him smirking at him, like he has the upper hand and that riles Syed up beyond imagination. As Christian turns to walk away Syed feels his stomach drop; he's lost him. He can see his rejection, he can see he won't yield to him tonight. And that's when he feels real fear. Never having Christian again lights a fire inside of him that makes his soul cry out. He can't lose him, he's a part of him. If he loses him then that part of him will die and he'll be nothing. He needs him, he needs him now. The risk of letting him go, even just for a short time petrifies Syed. Words won't bring him back, Syed knows that. He doesn't know how but he just does. His hands reach out and push Christian's back almost of their own accord, almost as if they know their owner is at a loss as to what to do and they know they'll never hold him again.
Now who's the coward?
Christian stops his walk away, his shoulders lift and drop with one deep grunt and Syed knows he's gone too far.