CHAPTER TWO: Implicit Brewing
They parted ways shortly after dawn with neither of them having slept but both feeling better than they had in months. Even though a good chunk of the night was spent arguing and planning, Harry found himself reluctant to part ways. Some part of him was convinced that once they took eyes off each other, whatever fateful forcefield had bound them tonight would lift and suddenly everything would go back to what it was.
Even though Harry wanted to go back and sleep, he'd made an appointment.
Harry knocked on McGonagall's office door and it swung open for him.
"Good morning Mr. Potter. I'm glad to see you meant what you said last night." McGonagall greeted him as he walked into her office and gestured for him to sit. Harry smoothed his palms over his legs as he sat, thankful that Draco had spelled the blood out of his school jumper. "Well then, carry on with this very important thing you don't want the Headmaster to know." McGonagall tilted her chin down so her eyes met his over the rim of her glasses. Harry swallowed and nodded. This was where Draco and Harry's plan hinged.
"Professor, I know you're a part of the Order, and-... I know how important that is. That you trust Dumbledore but… what if there was a threat to the school he wasn't addressing?" Harry had trouble meeting McGonagall's eyes but once he was done speaking he had to, expecting to see her trademark disapproval. However her careful gaze revealed nothing but a calm evaluation.
"Speak plainly, Mr. Potter." Harry nodded. Okay, all of it out there then.
"Okay just try not to stop me until I'm done. But I've suspected Draco of being a Death Eater since term began in September. And last night when he left the Great Hall in a rush, I followed him. And-" Harry let out a breath and felt his feelings about the situation slip in. "We fought a bit, and he got hurt, but we also talked."
"You and Mr. Malfoy had a civil discussion?" McGonagall said in disbelief and Harry gave her an exasperated look which made her smirk. "Never thought I'd see the day." She muttered and gestured for him to go on.
"I was right. He is a Death Eater."
"Mr. Potter-"
"But he doesn't want to be. He was coerced. Voldemort is threatening his life and his parents' lives if he doesn't complete his mission. And his mission-" Harry cut himself off and let out a breath in preparation. "Is to kill Dumbledore and find a way to let Death Eaters into the school." Harry could see how alarmed McGonagall looked though she tried to hide it.
"Mr. Malfoy told you all of this?" Harry nodded. "And you believe him?" Harry looked at his professor with an aghast expression.
"Of course I do. He's got no reason to lie." McGonagall did not look convinced. "Professor, when I found him yesterday he was crying and panicking. He thought he was alone and he was saying he didn't want to do this." McGonagall folded her hands together over her desk, looking like she was ready to lecture him but Harry wasn't done yet. "I've been watching Draco Malfoy for years. Nearly everything he says or does is a performance, but that's not who he is." Harry doesn't know why he's so sure of this. Perhaps because last night Draco hadn't put on a mask. Or because, throughout their entire time knowing each other, Harry had always known: Draco Malfoy could be anything he wanted but he kept choosing to be a prick.
"Mr. Potter, that was… rather insightful of you." McGonagall unfolded her hands and tapped her fingers on the desk. "But I still don't see why the Headmaster shouldn't know about this."
"He does." Harry said solemnly and looked out the window McGonagall had once seen him catch a remembrall right in front of. He'd only been 11 then, now he would be seventeen in just a few months. "I understand not wanting to help the Malfoys, they haven't asked for it and they're not good people. But Dumbledore knows about Draco's mission. And yet he's not done anything to help him or stop him. Draco has nearly killed both Ron and Katie-"
"Which means he should be expelled from the school as he is a danger to others-"
"Professor, expelling him would be a death sentence!" Harry said firmly, standing up to make his point. "I'm not letting you expel him. Voldemort is living at his house." That stunned McGonagall into silence, and Harry took a moment to breathe and sit back down. "What both of us find more concerning is that Dumbledore has let this all happen. Honestly I think that if Draco and I hadn't talked he would have carried on with his plan to get the Death Eaters into the school. There are hundreds of students in this school. Why wouldn't he have started a plan to hide them? Or get them out?" McGonagall's brows were furrowed both in concern and thought.
"Why are you so sure there is no such plan?" McGonagall asked and pushed her glasses up her nose.
"Cause you'd know all this already. You would have dismissed me and said not to worry. But I know you Professor, you care about us more than any of the other teachers." Harry watched as McGonagall looked away and took off her glasses. To Harry's absolute shock he saw her wipe at her eyes and turn back to him.
"Never in your life have you reminded me so much of your mother." Harry smiled serenely at that as his teacher pushed a small tin across the desk to him. "Have a biscuit, Potter." Harry smiled, and dug in. At the rate they were going, he would miss breakfast anyway. "Now, what would you and Mr. Malfoy propose we do?" Harry quickly swallowed and appreciated how effortlessly she had regained composure.
"Are you in contact with Andromeda Tonks?"
Part of the deal with Draco was that Harry not tell Ron and Hermione anything just yet. Draco's reasoning on this had been for the sake of keeping up appearances. This was accompanied by the smart comment that Harry couldn't act for shit. When Harry finally saw them at lunch in the Great Hall his friends were positively beside themselves.
"Ronald mentioned you never came back to your room last night!" Hermione said as she smacked him with some parchment. Harry didn't even bother to dodge, just started filling up his plate with food.
"Yeah mate. You couldn't even let us know before you went off with Dumbledore?" Harry shook his head at that.
"I wasn't with Dumbledore. I was with McGonagall." Both his friends' eyebrows rose at that. Ron spoke through a full mouth.
"Well you didn't study transfiguration all night." Harry smirked at that.
"Who says I didn't?"
"Not like you couldn't use the extra studying." Hermione quipped which made Ron laugh and food come out of his mouth which made Harry laugh while Hermione looked disgusted. Across the tables a flash of blonde caught his eye. Draco was sitting at the Slytherin table, next to the other Slytherins but so distant. He only picked at his food. Sat up straight and proper, like nothing was different from yesterday. The thought made Harry's heart stutter in his chest. He felt so different, Draco had to be feeling the same way he did.
"Harry, honestly. If we didn't know how you felt about Draco, I'd think you were staring at him for very different reasons." Hermione chastised which drew his gaze back to her.
"And please don't just go off about how he's 'up to something' and requires constant vigilance. We know he's an evil git from an evil family." Ron moaned and rolled his eyes. Harry had just returned to his plate of food when Hermione's words finally caught up to him.
"What other reasons could there be?" Harry asked and Ron hummed.
"Yeah, it's not like Harry would ever be jealous of him." Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Can you two honestly tell me there wouldn't be other reasons for staring at someone else? All the time? Rather obsessively?" Hermione was doing the teacher thing again, expecting them to get the answer. Harry and Ron looked at each other then back to their other friend. Hermione sighed. "Nevermind. It's too far out of the realm of possibility anyway." Then she made a book appear out of nowhere.
"Class has been dismissed." Ron muttered. Hermione huffed but mainly ignored him. And they both thankfully forgot to question him further about last night.
Harry went back to his breakfast but it wasn't long before he noticed that all too familiar feeling of being watched. Force of habit had him looking at Slytherin, where the expected eyes were trained on him. Harry took in a breath, stole a quick glance at his friends then back to Draco. Draco tilted his head barely to the side, a question. And Harry put a hand to the back of his neck and nodded subtly. Draco started to smile but quickly let it go. He did a quick glance at his own table, then back to Harry. Except now he looked annoyed, and he raised his eyebrows pointedly in a way Harry knew meant 'Why are you still staring at me, Potter?' Harry flushed, rubbed the back of his neck some more, grabbed his pumpkin juice, and tried to distract himself, but just over the rim of his goblet he could see Draco smirking at him. So, Harry did the only fair response and adjusted his grip on the goblet so that just one finger was facing Draco's direction.
They hadn't agreed on a time to meet up later, but Harry was impatient to talk to Draco again. Especially with everything he'd talked through this morning with McGonagall. Harry also knew that Draco often went to the Astronomy Tower after dinner. Since following Draco and checking where he was on the map had become such a habit of his, he didn't even have to check it before leaving the Great Hall. But he did grab some food off the table and tell his friends he was going for a night flight. Hermione looked a tad suspicious but Harry didn't stay to hear the lecture. He took all the stairs two at a time, the castle was a buzz with life in a way that only Sunday could be. Harry caught fragments of conversations about put off coursework or frantic last minute ways to blow off steam. It was only as he ascended the last staircase leading toward the tower that there was no one around.
Harry pushed into the door leading to the lower platform of the Astronomy Tower and glanced upward expecting to catch sight of Draco's distinct shape. However, as the door swung shut behind him he found himself suddenly being pressed into the stone wall. An arm against his collarbone held him steady, a body pressed up against him firmly, and threatening grey eyes.
"So it's not that I'm paranoid. I am being followed everywhere, but it's just my usual stalker." Harry gave an indignant squawk at that and spluttered as Draco smirked at him. "Have I finally found a way to shut you up?" Harry's brain ran wild with that, his heart rate surpassing the original surprised adrenaline. His whole body felt warm, his face was almost certainly a dark shade of red, and Draco was everywhere. While Harry couldn't compute a singular coherent thought, Draco seemed cool and collected. It was a herculean effort to not squirm under that mirthful gaze. "Just so we're clear, this is payback for lunch."
"I knew you were still watching me." Harry whispered back, while his brain screamed questioning why Draco was still holding him. A fierce joy prickled in Harry at Draco's answering blush.
"I had to make sure you could keep your composure." Draco said.
"This isn't the first time I've lied to them."
"Oh really? Harry Potter, the famous liar. Give it a go right now." Unbidden by Harry's higher thinking he spoke.
"I want you to let me go." Draco scoffed in response and leaned in further. He put more pressure on Harry's collarbone which made him feel shaky in the weirdest way.
"You can't get out of this now, Potter." Draco said softly then leaned into Harry's ear. "Didn't you know shaking hands with a Slytherin is equivalent to selling your soul?" Draco pulled back and Harry tried to break free, admittedly not very hard. Draco clucked his tongue. "Now give it a real go. Something juicy."
"I never understood why everyone thought Diggory was so attractive." Seriously?! Harry thought to himself as Draco's eyebrows rose. Honestly, who gave his brain permission to be offline while his voice roamed free. Draco's head tilted to the side in a more overt gesture of the one from this morning. And in one fluid motion he pulled back from Harry and casually strolled away with his hands behind his back. Harry was completely bereft as he ran a hand through his hair.
"Well, did I pass?" Harry asked him, Draco just hummed noncommittally and ascended the staircase to the Astronomy Tower top deck. Harry's heart was still thrumming away and he let his head thump back into the stare with a sigh. Fuck, he thought, what was that?
He'd brawled with Malfoy on and off throughout the years and he'd never felt any of that. But now since he'd seen Draco under the Malfoy facade, things were steadily… more intense. Plus what he'd said about Diggory? What would Draco take away from that. It wasn't as if Harry knew how to put it into words. Draco was like running through a forest fire, a world of green aflame with intensity and destruction of natural beauty all for the sake of change and growth.
"Are you done freaking out down there? I assume you came here to do more than have an identity crisis." Draco called tauntingly and there was that, how did he read Harry so easily?
Draco walked smoothly to the edge of the Astronomy Tower and gripped the bannister. He needed to relax. Everything about Potter set him on edge and made him cautious. He'd known this for years and despite telling himself over and over to stay away, he was always drawn back. And Harry kept finding him. The difference now was that he was starting to notice how Harry's comment about Diggory paired with their closeness had been too much for Draco. Harry was an idiot who could barely tell you the first things about himself since he didn't even know who he was. That was one of the ways they contrasted so sharply. Draco knew himself, every slithering inch and conniving shade. Every cowardly intuition and adverse inclination. Not that anyone knew, could ever know, the Malfoy heir had a role to play, a bloodline to carry on, they didn't get to be the way Draco knew he was.
By the time Harry clambered up the stairs Draco thought he was ready to face him, though he didn't turn around yet. He was pleased when Harry came to stand beside him, and even more pleased when he could feel Harry staring at him and not the expansive Scottish landscape.
"Enjoying the view?" Draco drawled which made Harry jump slightly and then he chuckled softly as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"I can't figure you out, Draco."
"You don't have to." Draco retorted, flushing slightly at Harry using his first name again.
"I do though. I want to." Harry said softly and Draco had to look at him, his heart was thundering in his chest, so loud to his own ears. Harry's gaze was so soft yet unyielding, it made Draco's throat feel dry.
"Harry-"
"Are you warm? You're all-" Harry gestured a hand towards his face and Draco turned back to the view in embarrassment.
"Enough, Potter."
"What? Not Harry when you're annoyed with me?" Draco whipped back to glare at his stupid smirking face. "Besides, I was only gonna suggest we go for a fly."
"What a ridiculous idea. We can't be seen together, we aren't friends." Harry deflated slightly at that, his brow furrowing. "Don't act like that's something you want. After everything I've said to you. The things I've done to torment you, Weasley, Granger-"
"Are you gonna do it again?" Harry interrupted him, still watching his face carefully. Draco clenched his jaw and looked away. Harry sighed. "Look, we both know this won't be easy. But we don't have to make it harder than necessary either." Draco smirked and folded his arms over his chest, then turned to lean against the railing. And because it was one of the things he'd wanted most since he was young, he nodded. Once, curtly, and Harry's answering smile was gorgeous. Draco mentally chastised himself and decided to redirect the conversation.
"Do your friends get to know your secrets?" Draco inquired and Harry turned sideways toward Draco, leaning his hip into the bannister and rubbing his neck shyly. He never seemed to notice how every time he did this his hair would ruffle and stick out at even more preposterous angles.
"If you're gonna ask me about what I said down there-" Draco scoffed.
"That's not it. I was wondering how you always manage to find me." Harry's mouth popped open in surprise.
"Oh…uh. Right… so I've got this map…"
"Of the school?" Draco asked and Harry nodded.
"My dad and his friends made it. But it shows everyone in the castle." Draco narrowed his eyes at that.
"Can I see it?" Harry shook his head.
"It's in my room." Harry didn't seem to realise the trap he had walked into.
"So you didn't need it tonight, you just knew I was here?" Draco asked with a smirk and Harry started to answer by shaking his head, but it clearly dawned on him mid shake. Draco had a positively shit eating grin spread across his face.
"You have been stalking me. Well that's almost flattering. Having the Chosen One's entire attention. What must your friends say? Surely they've noticed you're obsessed." Harry didn't say anything, just turned back to the view. "Oh Merlin's pants they have." Draco was smiling so much his face was starting to hurt and Harry let out a little chuckle.
"Do you want to know what McGonagall said or not?"
"Actually now I'm more interested in Granger. She said something to you today that had you and Weasley puzzled. And that was right after you got caught staring at me."
"How do you even know that! You weren't even looking at me."
"Shows what Gryffindors know about subtlety." Draco said with a sniff and Harry groaned.
"I hate you."
"I'm starting to get the idea that that's a lie." Draco leaned closer into Harry's side, absolutely addicted to their back and forth just as he always had been. But now, instead of scorn he felt warm. Harry wanted to know him. Despite everything, even knowing the mark he carried and the mission he had to complete. "Tell me about McGonagall." He said and turned back out to the view, hoping it would distract him from staring at Harry. Harry sighed meaningfully.
"She wants us both to meet with her. I told her everything we planned out. And she asked me who could be involved if Dumbledore and Snape couldn't. I suggested Lupin." Draco nodded at that.
"He was always a fair teacher. And isn't something going on between him and Andromeda's daughter?"
"Tonks? Yeah, I don't really know. But it seems…"
"Complicated?"
"Yeah."
"Hmm." Draco intoned. " From what I heard I always thought it was him and my other cousin."
"Who? Sirius?!" Harry asked with raised eyebrows.
"Quite. Did I break your brain?"
"No." Harry shook his head and smiled. "You just… Hermione thought so too, but Ron thinks she's nuts." Harry shrugged and Draco watched him carefully. Harry looked down at his hands, pulling on his fingers, drawing away inside himself.
"What did you think?" Draco asked, leaning into Harry's shoulder. Harry shrugged slightly.
"Not sure. I mean, Sirius was very open with me. But we just didn't get much time to…"
Harry shrugged again and Draco was getting really tired of it. Insecurity looked pathetic on the one meant to vanquish the Dark Lord.
"What did you notice then?" Draco asked softly, and Harry's brow furrowed as he thought.
"They gave me joint presents for Christmas, but I always thought that was 'cause Lupin isn't well off." Harry looked over at Draco who tilted his head side to side. "They were always near each other too, stood pretty close." Draco hummed at that.
"Anything else?"
"Well… I'm not sure on this, but I think they shared a room. Or at least Molly called it 'their' room." Draco stared at Harry, wondering if he'd add any more or realise what that meant. When he didn't Draco sighed and hung his head.
"Harry, this is really important, how many beds were in their room?" Draco heard Harry's mouth pop open in surprise. "Just one then. No wonder Granger is constantly exasperated, she outwits you both by double." Draco groaned.
"Why wouldn't he have told me though?" Draco looked up and Harry's entire demeanour was different, downcast down to the last wrinkle of confusion in his forehead.
"It's not…welcome to be Queer in most wizarding circles. Certainly not in the Noble House of Black." Draco said a bit mockingly.
"What about the rest of wizarding society?" Harry asked, turning to Draco. Draco shrugged.
"A bit indifferent really? It only matters to those trying to carry on bloodlines." Harry looked slightly relieved at that which, really, unless the Weasleys were secretly homophobic, he should know by now. Then it occurred to Draco. "What are muggles like?" Harry looked surprised he was asking but easily supplied the answer.
"They… well, it's pretty frowned upon. In a lot of places it's illegal or it can get you killed. The worst part is there's this epidemic going on and most governments don't seem to care since it's only killing gay people."
"I can't say the Ministry would be any different." Draco said forlornly.
"Are you-" Harry made some weird hand gestures between the two of them, up and down Draco, then he sighed dramatically. "You know."
"If you can't even say it then you don't deserve to know." Draco felt so dangerous in this moment, playing with fire, tempting fate. Harry was flushing this wonderful dark red again and Draco actually laughed. He had to bite his tongue to stop from saying how adorable Harry looked all flustered and frustrated.
"I don't know how to ask." Harry said in a bit of a whiny tone and Draco laughed again. Harry leaned into him more where their shoulders connected like he was trying to bump him except he didn't pull far enough away to accomplish one. "I don't want to be rude."
"That never stopped you before."
"Oi! I could say the same of you."
"What about you?" Draco threw back. He had no intention of flaying himself open to Harry Potter on the second day of whatever this was. But if Harry wanted to rip himself open, Draco wouldn't stop him. But Harry just looked confused.
"I-.. I don't know. I've never thought about it before." Harry's brow furrowed further and Draco decided to just wait, listen, and pay absolutely no attention to how his pulse started racing. "I've fancied girls. I've even kissed one. That was a bit weird."
"Weird?" Draco couldn't help himself.
"Yeah, I think that was just because she was crying." Harry rubbed his neck and Draco's eyebrows rose in alarm.
"You made the first person you kissed cry?" Harry rolled his eyes.
"Don't start."
"I'm not! I'm genuinely asking." Draco tried to be as earnest as possible and Harry sighed again, rubbing his neck once more.
"Hermione tried to explain it once, but I still don't get it. Basically she started crying while we were kissing and not 'cause of me. Just-"
"It was Cho Chang, wasn't it?" Harry looked incredulously at Draco.
"How could you possibly-"
"I heard a rumour of a terrible Madam Pudifoot's date. Plus you stared at her a lot… when you weren't staring at me, that is." Draco smirked as Harry blushed brightly again.
"You have to be staring at me a lot to know when I'm not-"
"Yes, yes alright. We've established we're both obsessed with staring at one another. May we move on?"
"Actually, I admitted nothing." Harry said with a wide grin and Draco groaned as Harry laughed.
"But how was it?"
"... you watching me?"
"No you plum, the kiss. Before you realised she was crying. How did it make you feel?"
"...like, emotionally?"
"Yes."
"Oh… I'm not so good at that."
"You did fancy her before this kiss, right?" Draco rubbed a hand over his face, contemplating how he'd ended up next to one of the most oblivious people in the universe.
"Yeah. I thought she was pretty. And good at Quidditch. But kissing her was just kissing. I was glad to, but-" Harry gave a shrug and Draco sincerely hoped he'd never conveyed any of this to Cho herself.
"Let's go even more basic. What is it like when you fancy someone?" Draco said slowly and Harry shrugged again.
"Umm. I get nervous around them. I'm bad at talking-"
"You're always bad at talking, unless you're feeling righteous."
"Draco."
"Sorry, continue oh Chosen One."
"Stop that." Draco shook his head and Harry just sighed, carrying on. "I guess I just think they look nice. They have… good skin?" Draco couldn't help it, he laughed. Harry glared at him but Draco just shrugged.
"Harry, you're the most oblivious person I've ever met." Harry tried to respond but Draco stopped him by taking him by the shoulders and holding him firm. "That's admiration. You think they're cool. When you fancy someone you can't get enough of them. They make you nervous, like your heart beats faster, or you feel all shaky but you don't want it to stop. You think about them all the time, even when there's more important things to do. When you really like someone it's… addictive." Draco finished hesitantly because Harry had a very strange look on his face as he stared back at Draco. "What? Is there something on my face?" Draco touched near his mouth which managed to make Harry look away rather quickly.
"No it's just-" He swallowed and looked back at Draco. "I never ate dinner, but I brought-" Harry trailed off, went to his bag, and shuffled through it. "I thought-" He shrugged, still looking in his bag. "We've been up here a while, I should-'' Finally he made an apple appear out of his bag. "Here." Harry said and tossed it to Draco who caught it easily. "I should-" Harry made a weird gesture, looked at Draco for a moment, then away again.
"What about McGonagall?" Draco asked, rather confused and a bit worried by Harry's mood change.
"Oh umm… I don't-... Just hex me in the hall after class, I'll hex you back and she'll give us detention. Perfect cover story."
"Right." Draco said and rolled the apple in his hand.
"Cool, so I'll just-" Harry did the same weird gesture again, a thumbs up that swung over his shoulder.
"Yeah you just-" Draco mimicked it and Harry laughed. Stopping for a moment, he actually looked at Draco. His expression was still unsettling, but it was also warm… somehow.
"Bye Draco."
"Bye Harry." With that Harry dashed down the stairs and disappeared. Draco let out the breath he'd been holding, all the tension leaving the room with Harry.
He casually tossed the apple in the air, finally taking the time to look at it.
It was green. His favourite.
Had Harry known?
Draco imagined he'd done it on purpose, because he cared whether Draco ate or not. He bit into the apple, surprised at how hungry he was. He hadn't had much of an appetite since taking the mark. If only he could be around Harry all the time, surely he'd be ravenous.
Ahh, but that way lies madness. Draco thought to himself. If only sanity was something he could still pride himself on. Perhaps he could have stopped all of this before it ever began.
Returning to the Slytherin dorm was always like walking into a lion's den. Irony fully intended, there was no sneaky snakey shit within the dungeons. The light shining through the lake reflected dangerously on the faces of those wanting to catch you out. Anyone outside of Slytherin assumed Draco was crown prince in this damp domicile, but the reality in these walls kept shifting as the year carried on. The war infested this once safe space, making every little infraction something to report home about, something to tear your fellow snakes down with to lift your own personal rank.
Although Slytherins were naturally ambitious or cunning, typically they weren't all aimed at the same goal. They had their own ends, their own desires. The war weaponized each and every one of them. Draco most obviously, branded as he was. Though it had never felt honourable to him. Things he once thought the summit of wizarding society, now had their curtains drawn fully away. The reality was stark and disgusting.
Draco didn't have the stomach for killing, or even death. And looking back that made him an extra shitty kid for how often he'd wished for that sort of thing. He didn't think it was excusable just because it was all he'd ever known. Draco loved reading and in Malfoy Manor's extensive library were many kinds of books. Most notably those by muggle authors that some Malfoy along the way had assumed were wizards. In fact, it was Hermione Granger who'd first clued him in that these books weren't what he'd thought and idolised over as a child.
He'd once overheard her talking to Weasley, explaining the gaps in his wizarding education when she'd said the name that had caught his ear.
William Shakespeare coupled with the words famous muggle playwright. It had shocked him to the core, right down to the little boy who pretended he was Hamlet.
One thing he'd learned to be absolutely certain of, was Granger's obnoxious know-it-all tendencies. She wasn't ever wrong… and she could punch. Since both instances had occurred within a week, Draco liked to consider them of the same value. Literally and figuratively punching in his purview. It had scared him. How the first voice in his head yelled that 'Father must never know' accompanied quickly by all the complications therein. That he was choosing to continue. He was choosing to hide them because he wouldn't give them up.
So it was that in the summer of 1994, Draco had had a good old fashioned life crisis. All summer he spent the days sneaking away to the closest muggle towns. He invaded their libraries and dumped all the information on his head he could handle. He also investigated his pureblood acquaintances. Any time they didn't know a reference of his he'd double down on his research, where he found out every single time, it was a muggle author.
The next stage was denial. Draco decided it was best to remove the books from the library. Of course that's when he'd discovered the hidden panel. For some reason he'd never realised all the muggle authors were grouped together till that moment. With them removed, the small divot was easily noticeable to a trained eye. The Manor was full of secret spots, hidden closets, whole rooms disguised, side passages, and shortcuts. But the panel he discovered that day was the most intriguing.
It slid open, revealing even more novels by muggle authors, and most importantly, a notebook penned by one Dorian Malfoy. As far as Draco was concerned, he'd be taking Dorian to the grave with him.
Now, Draco would be an even bigger liar than he already was if he couldn't admit his faults to himself. And he could admit to his faults, Draco Malfoy was self aware, always had been. You had to know yourself thoroughly to ensure the act you put on was perfect. Internally he never lied to himself, especially about Harry Potter. The problem with Harry was how he always slipped past the mask, invaded under his skin with unbidden thoughts. To match his discomfort the mask became biting, scathing, and cruel.
For all that Harry was denser than a brick, he always saw right through Draco. Now, after the bathroom incident, Draco feared his mask was permanently cracked. That didn't mean he would ever let his fellow snakes know.
They didn't speak to him as he passed through the common room. The last few months he had been so strung out he'd threatened everyone who had spoken to him before they were addressed. Anything he said was easily made law of the land, though he could no longer control what was said behind his back. Which is how he knew the power afforded to him by his name and lineage was slipping through his shaking fingers.
Only Blaise and Pansy dared speak to him most days and that was fine with him. They were both far enough removed from this madness that they still wanted to talk about things other than the Dark Lord.
Draco got ready for bed with no pomp or circumstance. He didn't even change. Just took his shoes off as he fell into the four poster and shut the curtains with a flick of his wand. He was exhausted, which was a relief. Even though he was always tired these days, he never slept. The snake and skull under his skin was always shifting slightly and aching at the memory of how it was seared into his flesh. Every time he felt it the complicated dread that often accompanied thoughts of his family name and future would rush over and threaten to drown him. He stayed awake most nights just to focus on breathing. But now, especially after last night planning with Harry, his eyes shut out the world and for once all was blissfully quiet.
A/N: I'll be posting info about auditions in the server today. So be on the look out!
and also, all your comments give me life and I will never be done crying about it. thank youuuu
Also YES as you have probably noticed by now if the images loaded for you(sorry ffn folks, they don't let me give them to you) the page breaks indicate POV! Plus they have things unique to the characters. No lie they were a bitch to make, but they turned out really nice so I love them dearly.