June 8th, 99 ADD

Today was successful. Eight Bloodbath deaths, one of which is credited to me. Amar and I put on a much better showing than the rest of the alliance. They, frankly, were fucking terrible. We also have a portion of the supplies hidden from the rest of the group, reserved for ourselves when the alliance inevitably splits, that the others are unaware of.

I admit that the arena was not what I expected, but I don't mind it. Tomorrow I'll get a better sense for how this device works, which I believe will be critical to my success later in the Games. While I do have a good understanding of how to refuel it, my maneuvers earlier were not as graceful as I would've liked. I need to master this thing both to reach more kills and maintain dignity.

I'm writing this during my shift on night watch. Amar volunteered to keep me company, but I declined. Earlier, when she asked if I resented that she had killed the tribute I incapacitated, I told her the truth. It was more important to me in the moment that the tribute was eliminated, and I contributed to that in a way that made myself, Amar, and us as a pair look good, than claiming credit for the kill. But the question itself took me off guard. I never would've asked her that. I wouldn't have cared how she felt if I took that kill for myself. And I keep telling myself that she was only asking me that to endear herself to me, especially after our argument yesterday, but I'm having trouble believing it.

Oddly enough, I feel more secure here, now, in the arena, than I did in the Capitol last night. Maybe it's the relief at having proven myself. I'm in more danger here now, sure, but there are far fewer unknowns than yesterday. And as I'm patrolling the perimeter of the castle, I have a view of the stars. I've never seen so many stars in my life, and never like this. They're so bright. It's as though someone pierced the sky with a sewing needle, over and over, to make sure the night wasn't too dark and cold.

No one did, of course. That would be stupid.

I reread last night's entry. My words may have been a bit tense, but they're still true. I don't think Amar knows what this world is really like. I don't think she has ever intended to use me like I planned to use her- as a means to an end. I think she is the rare person who says what she feels and means what she says. For her, that is very unfortunate. And it doesn't mean that I like that she seems determined to know what I really think and feel all the time, too. If only she would believe me when I say nothing. Which is the truth.

She seems to have either forgotten about the argument or moved on. She hasn't brought it up, and neither have I. I prefer that. It makes her easier to work with. Instead, she's reverted to her usual bad jokes and her typical demeanor. I assume this is for the cameras. I've been trying to smile at more of them, to keep up the friendship in her eyes and for the camera. It helps that her jokes have actually been improving over the last several days, so I don't have to pretend as much.

Zayan will be here soon, I believe, to take the next watch. No one knows I have this journal. I didn't have any other token, so I figured I might as well bring it. However, I'll have to be careful not to let it be seen by the others. I need to find a safe space to store it. Is on my person better, or somewhere in the castle? I think I'll play it by ear.

Going to spend the rest of my watch looking at the stars, I think. They really are beautiful.

K.A.