June 13th, 99 ADD
It's my turn on watch. Today was definitely the most eventful day yet, unfortunately. Tanith, Zayan, Venezio, and Kamari decided to turn on Amar and I. We escaped the ambush, though. We got our supplies out, too, which is very good. Kamari got my leg pretty good, which I am not happy about. It hurts a lot. Amar did some stitches and bandaged it, so that will help, and the jetpack thankfully means I don't really have to walk on it. I need to practice hovering tomorrow. We also got rid of Kamari and Zayan on the way out, which makes me feel less idiotic about it. They set up an ambush and failed miserably. We handled ourselves much better than they did. That's why our group survived, and they lost half of theirs.
I haven't been thinking about that as much, though, as what happened after. I wasn't expecting Amar to tell me about Carina. And I didn't mean to tell her about Hideo. It all just came out. I didn't realize I'd never told anyone about him before until she said it, either. I think it felt good to tell her. And I can't remember the last time someone hugged me. Probably Hideo. I wonder if I'll ever find out where he went. Maybe if I win, I'll be able to look.
It all feels like deja vu, but not in a bad way. I remember telling Hideo about my mother, and he was nice about it, too. There's other stuff, too, that I had forgotten about. Something about Amar keeps making me remember. She doesn't seem like she's judging me. She's doing a good job of making it seem like she actually cares, and she has been since the very start, to the point that I can't help but think maybe she really does. And I know why, now, after how she described her sister. She sees us as similar. Maybe she just wants someone to care back for once.
Do I care back? I don't know. Maybe. It's hard to say. I've tried so hard to not care for a long time. How can I know that I do for sure? I know that I don't want anything bad to happen to Amar. And I felt okay telling her about Hideo earlier, for some reason. I think that might mean I do. Maybe. But I can't be sure. I'm… out of practice.
I don't know why, but I feel okay. I shouldn't be relaxed after the day I just had and the wound in my leg, but I feel… still. The stars are out again, and I keep looking up at them and just thinking. Everything else still feels far away again, except for Amar. And I think I'm okay with that.
K.A.