June 15th, 99 ADD
Today the bird muttations finally tried to get close. They were dive-bombing at us late this afternoon, and I lost a few more throwing stars getting rid of them. More than I should've, because it started raining. Amar got a bad scratch on her shoulder. The muttations' talons are just as sharp as they look. Amar should've dodged faster.
Anyway, speaking of Amar, I think I'm right. Actually, I know I'm right. Amar is fucking fake. She might be an even better liar than I am. From the beginning, she tricked me, made me think she was sincere when every word out of her mouth has actually just been another lie. SHE'S A LIAR. She doesn't care and I never cared either. I bet that whole story about her fucking sister and her parents was just a sob story to try to humiliate me on national TV. She just picked what would have the best chance at making me sympathetic well the joke's on HER because I'm NOT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER SHITTY LITTLE LIFE. And she doesn't care about me and I know she doesn't because otherwise she would stay and she's not going to she's going to leave just like he did and she doesn't get to replace him she doesn't have the fucking right. i never should have told her about him she didn't deserve to know she didn't deserve to see that and I swear if I hear his name come out of her mouth I'll cut her throat right then and there
maybe that's the right idea actually. Maybe that's how i fix this. I can show everyone that I was the one pretending and not her and I can use what she said against her before she can turn hideo against me. I can show the cameras and him and mother that i was just playing along with her to earn her trust and i can spit her fake kindness back in her face and show everyone who the real weak one is because it isn't me. IT'S NOT. that's how i can show her that i never fucking cared about her and i never will because she's better off dead than in my life. i can't mourn her if i'm the one who did it right. It proves i didn't care if i'm the one who does it. It's not her leaving like Hideo if i kill her. because then she's not leaving. and i won't have to worry about her caring ever again or stupid nicknames or shitty little notes. really i have no other choice. not that i fucking care
K.A.