June 7th, 99 ADD
Carina,
If you're reading this, that means I'm dead. I'm in my room in the Training Center right now, and I'm going to leave this in an envelope on the desk with a note for Aurelia with what to do with it. I'd give it to Braun, since he's my actual Mentor, but Aurelia already knows you and it seems easier if she does it. So hopefully this makes it to you and not in the trash by accident.
You're going to read this, because I'm going to die. I'm not winning the Hunger Games.
I know that might not make sense to you right now. It's not that I don't think I could win the Games, if I really tried. If I was trying, I'd probably have a really good chance. My training score and predicted placement show that. I don't have a death wish, either. If I'm being honest with you, which I always have been, I'm terrified. I don't want to die. But I don't want you to die, either, so I don't think I have any other choice.
I'm going to go into the arena, and I'm going to lose. That way, you win. You and Mom win, and that'll settle everything for real this time. Dad can't win the divorce if he loses me and Mom still has you. If I win, I know you'll follow me into the Games (if the Quell lets you), but this way, you don't have to risk it. Mom can rub it in Dad's face that she still has a kid, and he won't be able to argue with that, and then you never have to risk your own life at all. Then you can move on with your life, and get away from Mom and Dad, and you'll be safe from the Games.
I'm doing this because I love you. I know it might be hard for you to see it that way at first. But I have always loved you, even when I didn't like you very much. I'm tired of Mom and Dad's war and I know you are too. We can put an end to this. If I lose, you automatically win. And I would rather die knowing that you've won than win and see you potentially die. I can't take that chance.
I don't know exactly what will happen next. I'm scared. I've tried to make a friend here to make things feel less scary. You'd like him, I think. He reminds me of you. Maybe he'll even win this thing and you'll get to meet him too. But I feel better knowing I'm going to die soon if I have a friend. So I'm glad I have one.
I love you so much. You can do this. I've always believed in you, even when you think I don't. You're the strongest person I know. You're strong enough to stop fighting their battles, I know it. I'm sorry I have to leave you like this. No matter what happens to me, know I was thinking of you the entire time.
Love,
Amar