Chapter 3

Jason was able to get the Greek and Russian to help with the logging. Aaron went ahead and sent for Pilar's family. They would be there in a week; they would leave San Francisco on The Seamus O'Flynn and arrive by the middle of the next week. Aaron had paid for the passage of Pilar's cousins, and everything was in motion for the contracts to be filled out and completed on time.

Two days before Josh was planning to leave Pilar came to him to make sure everything would be okay.

"Thank you for asking Pilar. I still have your chain around my neck. I hold onto it many times a day. It feels like it anchors me." Pilar smiled; she was happy that it helped him.

"You know, I could go with you if you did not mind?" said Pilar, she was worried that he would not come back, or something would happen to him.

"Pilar, I will be back, I just have to go and face what happened and come to terms with it." He said and then he stopped packing for a minute and asked:

"Pilar, did you ever need to go back somewhere to make peace with something that happened to you?" Pilar thought about it. There were a couple of things that had happened, but she had not spoken of them for a long time. They were deeply buried and there was no one she would trust to tell those secrets to. She looked at Joshua and thought of how to answer that question.

"Joshua, if I found someone that I could trust, and that trusted me, well, not really trust, but loved, and loved me the same, I would talk about those 'secrets' but, so far I have not found that person." She said, hoping that maybe he might be the one to help her, but she also knew she could not burden him with her own baggage, while he still had some things to work out himself. He had stopped and looked at her. There was this feeling, not the same one he used to have about ladies but a more permanent feeling, was it love, trust? He wasn't sure. He struggled to keep himself focused on what he had to do. Maybe, when he got back, he could help her.

"Pilar," He said turning to look at her. He saw her beautiful black hair. Her eyes were like obsidian and her voice he loved her voice, it was soft, and he could hear the music in her voice.

"Pilar…" He said again, trying not to let emotion get the better of him. HE had learned his lesson and was afraid to let anything go further. For the third time, he said her name:

"Pilar, please I am afraid of committing to anyone. Please remain my friend!" HE said full of emotion, turning away from her and walking to the door and opening the door, he said:

"I need some fresh air. Please wait for me." He walked out the door. Pilar stood in the Bolt cabin and waited, she wasn't sure if he wanted her to wait for him now or if he meant for her to wait for him to come home. Jason walked in the door just then and she knew she had to leave the cabin.

"Oh, hello Pilar. Were you helping Joshua pack?" Jason asked not knowing what had just happened.

"No, senor, just talking to him" she said and pushed past making an excuse for leaving.

Jason stood there for a moment, then went into his room. Joshua had gone up to the top of the mountain to think. Pilar went back to her room at Lottie's and cried to herself to sleep. All was silent that night, Joshua finally went back to the cabin. He was going to go to his room but decided to see if Jason was still awake.

"I am awake, Josh, come on in." Jason said as he sat up on the edge of his bed.

"Jason, I am not sure anymore of who I am, I am not sure of anything except that I know that my brothers love me. I am afraid to go back, but I am more afraid of loosing Pilar!" Joshua stood looking at Jason who was on the edge of his bed. Jason looked at Joshua and with a wisdom born of hard work and caring for his two brothers he said:

"Josh, sometimes you have to take two steps back to take one step forward." Joshua looked at his brother, he was thinking of what he said. Although Jason could persuade anyone to do anything, when his brothers had to deal with serious issues, he would only say what was needed. He expected them to think things through and to learn from their mistakes. Joshua thought about what his brother said, taking two steps back and then one step forward. That had happened when he thought about making his own camp and trying to make an idea work. He had to step back, look at what he saw and come back to work with his brother in order to do what he had wanted to do.

"Jason, I understand, that is why I am going back to Montana. But…Pilar…?"

"What about her? She has things she has to work out herself. You can't do it for her. At the same time, you can't help her because you are in need of help yourself. She will still be here. I get the feeling that you and she might make it, but not right away. Joshua, you need to work on yourself at the moment. Go back, make peace with your past. You can't help her if you don't do that!" said Jason. Joshua turned and left the room. He had nothing more to say. Jason went back to his bed and at there for a while before he went to sleep. He said a prayer for his brother Joshua and went to sleep. Joshua lay in his bed for quite some time before he fell asleep. Tomorrow he would be on his way out of Seattle, back to that place, trying to put the ghosts of his past away.