Night fell in a diffuse pall of soon-to-fading reds and violets over Cair Paravel. A great banquet was held that night to celebrate the birthday of Queen Lucy, beloved by all Narnians, and especially by the spirits of the wood and sea, of whose foaming waves and salty breezes she was mistress. So dryads, fauns, talking animals, and lords and ladies from neighboring kingdoms came, and the queen knew that she should be deeply happy, for her dear siblings had been making preparations for that night all day.
But a restlessness settled in Lucy's heart, and that was the first night in which the stars of the Narnian sky predicted restlessness, but at that moment even those most dedicated to looking at the firmament were preparing to celebrate, and they did not notice it. The young queen, however, looked at the first stars standing out against the cobalt blue sky, from the large window of her chambers, and she felt fear, without knowing exactly why.
The soft knock of a fist on the door snapped her out of such thoughts, and she realized, as she turned to look inside, that her room was nearly dark. Lucy pursed her lips, keeping a breath to herself.
"Come in," she replied. The door was carefully opened.
"Lu?" Her sister's voice asked, sounding worried. "Why are there no candles lit? Are you fine?"
Susan entered the room, the tall shadow of a very beautiful young woman with long black hair and an elegant and festive dress. She was in the prime of youth. Not so young that people still thought of her as a child, not too grown up. Although Lucy was turning fifteen, she feared that she was still seen by her siblings and subjects as too young, and perhaps she was, she thought bitterly, for judging from her recent thoughts it seemed that sometimes whims still took hold in her heart. On that occasion, the whim could be very dangerous. It could destroy all.
But she smiled at her sister, still in the dark, and Susan, as if by instinct, smiled back.
"I didn't realize it was so late," Lucy apologized. "Right away I'll have candles lit so there's light, sister".
And so she did it.
"I see you're dressed," Susan observed. "Oh, Lu. You look so radiant and brave".
Lucy noticed that Susan avoided the word beautiful. She knew she wasn't doing it to hurt her.
"I couldn't do my hair, could you help me?"
Susan did so. She carefully braided her sister's long brown hair, and Lucy allowed herself to close her eyes and feel protected in her older sister's hands. When they had come to this land, many years ago, and Lucy was just a little girl, very little, Susan and Peter had protected her like fierce parents, taking care of her. Always trying to make her feel loved and safe. Even if she was the bravest of all. So she wasn't surprised that Susan knew her well enough to sense that behind her soft smile something disturbed her.
"Are you fine, Lucy?" she asked doubtfully. "Is there something you need to talk about?"
Although her question didn't surprise her, she did get a lump in her throat. How she wished she could talk to Susan about what scared her. About what she had observed in the Narnian sky and in her own heart. But name it… she couldn't. That could change so many things, so many...
"It worries me that there are things planned for us that will cause us pain and tear us apart," she finally said, because if there was a way to put it, that was it. And Lucy had never liked to lie. Susan braided the end of her hairstyle with nimble fingers. She stopped for a moment. It seemed to Lucy that something in the air changed.
"I understand," said her sister seriously. And there was something hidden in her voice that Lucy couldn't distinguish. But Susan did not mention that she herself felt a similar uncertainty, not finding it wise to discuss such unpleasant things on the eve of her sister's party. "Aslan brought us all together, Lucy. Maybe because his will is that we stay that way for now. And the pain can be inevitable, but bearable in company. Do not be afraid, because you know that we have the blessing of him. Also, remove fear from your heart on a night like this. Our brothers are receiving the guests. Mr. Tumnus has asked for you twice already".
It was a subtle way of turning her thoughts to another thing, though Lucy's fears were too deep to go away. She told herself that everything could go well that night if she stayed with Mr. Tumnus for a long time. Knights and princes from other kingdoms would want to dance with Susan. Which was fine with Lucy, since she liked the dances of the fauns and the dryads better.
Susan finished her braid with a soft ribbon.
"Now, dear Lu, you are ready. Come with me, our dear brothers will be impatient".
Lucy's heart skipped a beat. She closed her eyes for a moment as Susan began to blow out the candles again, asking Aslan for strength. But she walked with her sister through the corridors of Cair Paravel, leaving behind the sight of the stars in the firmament.
The gardens glittered with garlands and flowers, leading to the gallery, where guests gathered at the great banquet table. The night was splendid. Peter saw Lucy and Susan walking into the garden, and he nudged Edmund discreetly. The Narnian manners and customs had clung to them for quite some time now as if they had been born with them, but the nudges between brothers would still be years away. Peter was careful, however, that no one else saw him. Edmund looked up from the sword he was examining, even though Peter had told him that his dear sister and queen's birthday party was not the most appropriate time to discuss weapons with guests. The knight had insisted that King Edmund honor him by endorsing his sword.
"It is a fine weapon, Sir Cadmus," the king pointed out politely. The knight followed Edmund's gaze and understood that the king's attention would, from now on, be on his sisters, Queen Susan and Queen Lucy. He bowed and thanked Edmund for the attention, and wished well for the kings and queens and for Narnia before he left.
"Something's wrong with Lu," Peter pointed out quietly as they walked to meet them. "Why doesn't it look like a whirlwind is about to come through that door?"
Edmund, much more reserved with his appraisals, looked at his sister. Lucy had lost her girlish features a couple of years ago, and she was now an almost adult young woman. She used to get up every morning before any of them, and climb the trees to pick fresh apples, and Edmund had lost count of the number of times Susan had been mortified to see her sister fall from one of those leafy apple trees.
But Peter was right. There was something measured about her brightness, not like Lucy's usual carefree, innocent glow. Something like a shadow of anguish. Perhaps she was nervous because, around her fifteenth birthday, Susan had started getting suitors.
They greeted each other with a bow. Peter hugged Lucy and kissed her hair.
"Happy birthday, Lu".
She returned the hug, sinking into Peter.
"You already congratulated me," she reminded him. "During breakfast".
"There will be time for you to talk to him, Lu. Now, we have to go into the gallery all together, fine?"
Peter offered his hand to Susan, and they stepped forward. Meanwhile, Lucy's heart was pounding so hard she thought Edmund and Susan and Peter and everyone would hear it. Edmund took her hand lovingly and led her to where the guests were waiting.
It was the most distressing moment for Lucy, and Edmund knew right away that something was wrong. She had never been particularly adept at hiding her feelings, as her facial expressions gave her away. At that moment, Edmund could sense discomfort and anguish and Lucy's deep need to be away from him. Would she be upset with him because he had refused to take her on the last expedition? It had been dangerous. Neither Peter nor Susan had consented to it, even when he asked for it himself because he didn't know how he was going to deny Lucy anything, anything.
"Lu..." he began, but it was at the moment when they entered the gallery and the guests came to pay their respects and congratulations to his sister. The crowd requested his attention too soon. And Lucy soon slipped away with Mr. Tumnus.
Peter and Susan danced a lot. From time to time, knights and nobles from other kingdoms asked the queen for a dance, but it was difficult to do so with Peter's majestic and magnificent presence filling the entire hall, like a roar from Aslan, like a golden spring sunbeam.
Edmund saw Lucy dance with the fauns, laugh with the dryads and nymphs and other beings, sometimes when Peter wasn't dancing with Susan, he danced with Lucy, and Edmund wanted to go over and ask for a dance, but his feet seemed glued to the floor. The banquet went off in the most excellent manner, with delicious delicacies and wines, and Lucy's cheeks flushed, for it was the first time Susan had seen fit to allow her sister to drink a little wine.
Then another round of dances followed, and Edmund found the opportunity to dance with his sisters. Dancing with Susan was nice, and you could see that she was happy, but the atmosphere changed when it was his turn to dance with Lucy, and she seemed not to see him, but something beyond his shoulders all the time. Lucy was tall now, she was still slender, and her almost copper brown hair tangled down her back in a braid. Edmund was very careful not to undo it, and whispered happy birthday to her ear, and Lucy hurried away from him, as if Edmund were poison ivy instead of green willow.
Edmund caught Peter's eye from across the room, and assented to the High king's silent request, for he had to find out right now what was happening to his younger sister and why she was so unhappy on that day where everyone wished her such good things.
He sighed, scanning the crowd to see where she was, catching the reflection of her crown disappearing into the gardens. Yet when Edmund stepped out into the cool green, he did not see her.
"Lucy!" he yelled, earnestly. "Lu! Where are you? What's the problem?"
The night was deep, and the stars shone brightly. The moon was full, casting a powerful silver beam across the shadows of the trees. Finally, Edmund heard something move between two fir trees, near a crystalline fountain, and he saw her long shadow. Lucy was leaning over the fountain, looking at her reflection (or its shadow) in the water. She had not listened to Edmund, for she was crying bitterly.
"What am I to do, oh moon?" she asked aloud, shaken by a sob. "What am I going to do now? Aslan!"
Edmund decided to leave the niceties for another time. He ran to his sister, not understanding what was happening but understanding that she was not only sad, but also that she was miserable, and also that he wouldn't know why until Lucy decided to share it.
"It´s fine, Lu," he caught her in a hug. She was startled, but then, without meeting Edmund's eyes, she allowed herself to sink into him, her sobs shaking her. "Calm down, everything is fine".
And Queen Lucy remained wrapped in her brother's embrace, but was silent, for she had understood at last what the stars portended in that brilliant sky like mines of jewels, and her own restlessness and other things that had been brewing for weeks, even years. And she was afraid, and she seriously wondered what she should do now, because in the world in which she had been born it was very frowned upon to love a brother, but Lucy knew that her heart would never stop in Edmund's arms again, and that she couldn´t go back.