Notes: Angst. Angst and more angst because why not? I'm still thinking how exactly, but Stu isn't a suspect to the police, okay? That's why only Billy is on the run. I hope you like the chapter :)
A week passed until Stu was driving through the town and he saw Billy outside a bakery. He was sitting on the ground with his arms around his knees. Beside him, the same old backpack he had last week.
Billy was looking at the ground, with a blank face. He looked dirty and unkempt again, he even looked thinner and with more prominent baggy eyes.
Stu stops the van in shock. He walks over to Billy, but he's unsure of what to say. He sits down next to him and stares at him for a moment. He clears his throat, and then he tries to speak.
"Hey… Uh… Are you ok?" Stu then pauses and sighs. "Man, what am I saying right now, of course you're not ok, right? God, this is embarrassing. I don't know what to say…" Stu sighs. "Just, what happened, man? What can I do?"
Billy looks at him, startled at first, until he realizes it's Stu.
He then chuckles slowly, hiding his face over his crossed arms.
"You again… Are you a Jehovah's Witness now? I find you everywhere?" He's still laughing, but his voice is weak and raspy with disuse.
Stu chuckles a little bit.
"I don't think the church would be too happy if they found out how I've lived my life, right?" Stu smiles, trying to joke with Billy. "But in all seriousness, I just came across you sitting on the ground here and I just wanted to know if you were okay. You don't seem that way. You look a little… Sick, maybe? Just what happened? Do you have a place to stay?" Stu seems genuinely concerned about Billy.
Billy looks at his eyes, a piercing, dark gaze that would unnerve anyone. Stu notices a deep cut on the side of Billy's neck, almost hidden by his hair.
"I'm not in the mood for your self-help speeches, Stu. I rather you didn't talk to me at all" he sighs and hides his face again.
This seems to catch Stu off-guard. He is genuinely nervous, almost scared of the man he's once knew. He can feel the danger in him and he feels his heartbeat pick up. But, he knows that if there's any hope for Billy, it will be with him. He tries to stay calm and not let Billy sense his fear. He takes a deep breath before he speaks and tries to sound like he didn't notice the cut.
"I hear you, but… Aren't you at least a bit hungry? Why don't I treat you to some lunch?"
"Of course…" Billy murmurs even lower. "Blackmailing a starved man with breakfast like dangling food in front of a stray dog… That's the Stu I knew, finally. I guess you're laughing in your mind while trying not to break your rehabilitated for society costume" he laughs.
Stu laughs along with Billy. He looks over at him and nods.
"You got me there, man." Stu tries to stay light-hearted. "But seriously, there's a diner around the corner that's got some pretty decent breakfast that'll keep you full all day, if you're willing to let me buy you a bite. " Stu smiles. "So come on, let's get you somethin' to eat, and then you'll stop looking like the crypt keeper, ok? " Stu says this jokingly, attempting to keep the atmosphere light.
Billy lifts his head and lets it rest against the wall behind him. The cut can be seen clearly now, it looks deep and infested. Billy sighs, closing his eyes almost automatically. He doesn't seem to be able to keep them open.
"Okay…" he whispers. "Bring me some water too…and an aspirin or something." Then he starts laughing and coughing at the same time, making his whole body tremble with it. "I might not be able to give you a tip, though," he jokes, grinning.
Stu chuckles a little bit.
"Yeah, you're right, you don't look quite up to it." Stu smiles a little bit. "I'll go get you a glass of water, and then we'll get something to eat and a pain reliever, ok?" Stu stands up and heads towards the diner. "You just hang in there. I'll be right back. ." Stu nods his head and gives a reassuring smile, before walking off to get Billy some water and medicine.
"I'll be right back" Billy repeats and chuckles, shaking his head. But that only makes his neck hurt again. He closes his hands, trying to bear the pain, and waits for Stu to come back.
Stu comes back around five minutes later with a glass of water and two aspirins. He also has a couple of straws and a packet of sugar. He hands them all to Billy. He seems a little concerned about his neck, and he looks at it, trying to tell if he's ok. He then speaks. "Here you go. You have to take these, ok? We'll go inside together." Stu says as he tries to help Billy up. "Come on, up you go. You're going to get through this, you'll see. I just gotta help you."
"Son of a bitch" Billy moans with a pained voice and expression, as Stu tries to make him stand. Billy lets his whole weight lean into the wall as he hides his face into his hands. "Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me." He snarls, while keeping a foot in the air, without leaning weight on it.
Stu backs away from him. He looks surprised and then a bit scared from the sudden aggressive outburst, but he recovers himself and tries to take control of the situation again. He speaks as calmly as he can and in a soft, reassuring tone, trying to help de-escalate the situation.
"Alright, alright, I'm not. I won't touch you, ok? " Stu holds his hands up in a defensive way and then takes a step back, still trying to talk to Billy in his calm and reassuring tone. "Do you think you can stand up on your own? Can you do that without hurting yourself?"
Billy breathes deeply as he tries to bear the pain in his ankle. Why would Stu even think that making him stand like that was a good idea? Was Stu really enjoying his bad luck?
He shakes his head, looking down, being uncomfortable admitting weakness.
Stu seems genuinely apologetic. As he speaks, his tone gets softer.
"I'm sorry, seriously, I didn't think about it. I'm sorry. " Stu sighs and then looks around. He takes a moment to think and then nods his head. "Alright, what if I just carry you? " Stu seems like he feels bad if that's what it comes to. "I'm big and strong enough to if you want me to. Just give me the word and I'll come around there to pick you up, ok?" Stu's tone is sincere and earnest.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you, Stu?" Billy asks, looking at Stu with a look charged with hate and frustration.
Slowly, he slides down, trying to sit again. Then he embraces his knees and hides his face there.
Stu looks shocked and then offended at Billy's accusation.
" I am not, not even a little, I promise you, I'm not. " Stu sighs again, trying to calm himself down. He thinks for a moment, and then he speaks again, this time in a tone that seems a little more stern. "Look, if you want to throw insults at me, be my guest, but you're not helping yourself with that and I'm seriously trying to help you here. So if you want my help, I need you to let it go, ok?"
Billy keeps silent for at least five minutes, before speaking again. His voice is barely audible.
"Just… Kill me already. Better you than the police catching me or who knows what else …"
Stu is taken aback by Billy's sudden remark. He seems shocked at first, and then he gets angry at this man and his audacity. He starts speaking in a much more serious tone and with a lot less empathy than before.
"Listen here, I don't know who the heck you think you are, but as hard as it might be to believe I actually have feelings. And I'm standing here getting insulted left and right just for trying to help you, so you're going to shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you, understand?! " Stu is genuinely angry and he seems ready to punch Billy in the nose.
Billy laughs a little, shaking his whole body with it.
"Sure, shut me forever, please."
Stu's face goes from angry, to frustrated, then shocked as he hears what Billy just said. He stares at him for a moment, his eyes narrowing into an angry look. He takes a moment to hold it in, and then he bursts into a loud roar. Not only that, but he grabs Billy's collar and raises him up to stand.
"Don't you dare say that!" Stu then stops. He looks over at Billy and sighs. He then tries to calm himself down and he speaks, in a calm but still serious tone. "You don't know what you're doing, do you? What you're asking for?"
Billy closes his eyes strongly, trying to bear the sudden pain all over his body.
Stu still had some violence in him. He has to think how to make him explode just to put an end to it all. He really couldn't stand another day like this.
"Nothing you haven't done before." He laughs.
Stu looks over at Billy, angry again. He's furious. His eyes seem like two burning holes, burning right into Billy. He still has his hands on Billy's collar, squeezing pretty hard. He looks as if he's about to yell at him again, but he stops himself.
"Let's say you're right. Just… Just for a moment… Let's say you're right. Well, do me one more favor and tell me this…" Stu closes his eyes as he speaks. "Do you have some kind of death wish?"
"Isn't it obvious." Billy whispers, lowering his gaze to the ground. His body goes limp, as he closes his eyes, tired.
Stu is genuinely hurt hearing this and he sighs before speaking. There's a note of hurt in his voice, which surprises even him that he showed his feelings for a moment.
" I'm sorry… I just never heard someone ask for death so calmly before. It's… It's just not something that people just ask out loud, you see?" Stu looks away for a moment. "You know how to put me at my most vulnerable… Do you even care for your life?" Stu asks with genuine concern.
Billy keeps silent, eyes closed, waiting for Stu to shut up and everything to stop at that moment. He's too tired to speak, to think of an answer at all.
Stu sighs again and he lets go of Billy's collar. He realizes he's crossed a line.
" I'm sorry I snapped like that… I'm just… It really bothers me that you talk like that about yourself. There's just such a long life ahead of you, you know? You can't just give up on it like that. You just can't!" Stu sounds genuinely concerned, like he really doesn't want Billy to throw his chance at life away.
"Help me sit down." Billy says, coldly. "And stop tossing me around, would you?"
Stu nods his head and then tries to pick Billy back up, and he sets him down next to his leaning spot against the wall.
"I'm sorry… Again, I'm sorry. I truly care about you, ok? It hurts me to see you in this condition because I just know that you have so much more to offer in this life. I might not be your favorite person right now but I am still here because I care and I want to help however I can. " Stu speaks with a soft but earnest tone, as he tries to sound as persuasive as he can.
Billy laughs calmly.
"Stu, Stu, Stu… Please shut up." He says, looking at the sky, with a tired expression. "You came here promising me food and I can't see it anywhere, then toss me around like a rag doll and now you're talking like Wayne Dyer or something" he coughs a bit, making his whole body shake with it. He's smiling a bit after that. "Well, maybe you're not even here, and I'm imagining things…" His eyes become somber. "Maybe I'm still in that h… Whatever" he shakes his head and laughs again.
Stu doesn't know how to react to the entire "imagining things" remark. He speaks, trying to go along with Billy's change of topic to avoid giving into more of that conversation.
"Ok, ok… Ok… Alright, look. I'll stop talking, okay? I'll stop. Can you walk? " Stu is still talking in his same soft, earnest tone, trying to at least convince Billy it's time to get going and try to figure the rest out on the way.
"You're messing with me, aren't you?" He laughs even louder and longer. "Haven't you seen I can't even stand?" Billy looks at Stu with his eyebrows up, then he shakes his head. "You must be having the fun of your life." He chuckles, his tone bitter. "I guess I deserve it. I used to pick on you a lot."
Then he looks at Stu's eyes directly, a troubled expression behind his eyes.
Stu is offended again once more, but he realizes that he deserves the ridicule. He speaks in his soft, earnest tone again and nods his head.
"I guess I'm just as bad as you were, huh? "Stu sighs. " Alright, alright… I can take it, I deserve it, yeah… I know. But you still don't deserve this. Now… I got two arms. Can you grab onto one of them?" Stu holds out an arm for Billy to grab. "Then you can try to stand, alright? Then I'll help you to that diner."
Billy looks around, thinking. He attempts to stand but stops himself abruptly.
"Can we go to your home?" He asks, looking at the ground. His blush is strong behind the dirt in his face.
Stu is a bit surprised by Billy's request, but then smiles.
"Yeah… If you'd like to, yeah. I mean, we have to start somewhere, right?" Stu seems excited that he might actually be making some headway in this whole situation. "Well, my van's just around the corner. So come on, if you're ready, let's go. "Stu stretches out the arm that he'd offered out to Billy earlier that he may grab onto. "Is that too much to ask from you? " Stu tries to sound as friendly as he can.
Billy nods, not looking at Stu at all. He stands up by himself, trying to hide the pain that it caused him, and then he takes Stu's arm.
"Okay, let's go then" he whispers.
Stu is genuinely happy to see Billy stand up on his own, and he lets out a sigh of relief as Billy grabs his arm. After that, he walks along with Billy and supports him the whole time. He seems genuinely concerned and eager to get Billy the help that he needs. While they are walking, they make a turn on the corner and there is a white van a few steps away. The outside of it looks old and worn, but it seems to be in working order. Stu stops in the middle of the sidewalk when they get to the van.
"Are you ready?"
Billy lets out a frustrated sigh.
"Can you stop treating me like a child every five seconds?" he asks, gritting his teeth. "Just open the fucking for and help me get in, for fuck's sake" he laughs then.
Stu looks completely taken aback by Billy's harsh outburst. He's genuinely hurt, and he tries his best to ignore his anger and not lash out like Billy did. He pauses for a moment, then he speaks in a calm and reassuring tone. After that, he walks to the back seats of the van and quickly opens the door. He waits to see if Billy's going to get in by himself or if he's gonna wait for Stu to pull him in like he's been doing throughout their whole interaction.
"Well, what're you waiting for? Sit down already, and I'll drive you home, ok?"
Billy's taken a back a bit by Stu's words, but then he laughs low. He walks by himself just to save himself the embarrassment of asking Stu for help. He hides his pain while looking in Stu's eyes all the way until he sits in the van.
"Okay?" He whispers, a smirk in his face.
Stu watches Billy walk to the van and sit it in. He smiles gently as he sees Billy's smirk.
" You're something else, you know that?"
Stu then walks around to the drive-side of the van and he starts to drive it once he sits down inside. He turns on his headlights and starts to turn out of the alley they're currently in.
"So, where to, Billy?" Stu speaks with an amused tone and a little smile on his face, but the way he's driving suggests that he's either in a rush to get to the next place or he has somewhere in particular in mind.
Billy looks at him with a frown.
"I said your house" he mutters. "How many houses do you have?" he asks, a hint of curiosity in his voice. He stretches his leg and leans his whole leg on the seat, carefully to not twist his ankle.
Stu laughs and then he smiles, looking over at Billy. "Ok, I admit you got me on that one. Alright, my house it is." Stu speaks casually and then he starts to drive the van as he tries to make good time. He's not exactly speeding, but he's going just a little fast. As they drive, Stu speaks, wanting to know more about Billy. "So, tell me Billy, and be honest, ok? I just want an honest answer. Do you still want to hurt people?" Stu's tone and facial expression shows that he's genuinely curious about what Billy's answer will be.
"Yes." Billy answers without even thinking about it. "I told you last week, there's something in me that revels in violence… Remember?" he speaks in a soothing tone, looking through the window.
Stu's smile changes into an even more troubled look as he hears Billy's answer. He takes a long moment to digest what he just said, and he sighs.
"You know… I thought you weren't serious last week, but you just confirmed it for me, so… Thank you. " He sighs again and a bit of sadness and hurt seeps through his tone when he speaks after that, but he's not angry. He just seems disappointed. "Ok… Well, then here's another question for you. Why? What happened to you to want to hurt other people? Is it just who you are or what?"
Billy looks back at Stu, a blank expression in his face. "You know the answer…"
Stu is taken aback. This answer genuinely confuses him. He looks at Billy for a moment, still processing everything. Then, he nods his head lightly as he looks down and takes another deep breath. He still sounds disappointed and hurt when he replies, but this time he sounds even more determined. He speaks again, this time in a soft voice that's filled with grief and pain.
"It's ok… I understand, ok? What you've been through is… terrible, to say the least. I know, I know… We all handle that kind of trauma differently, right?"
"Trauma" Billy repeats, not liking that word at all. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Look, I just want to take a shower, ok? Then you can toss me out all you want… I think my body is rotting anyway" he sighs, looking at the window. "I can't stand being this dirty, you know? People look at me with disgust and fear. And the fear is a caress to my ego, but the disgust… It reminds me of my father." he admits in a whisper.
Stu listens the whole time and a look of sympathetic understanding shows on his face. He even nods his head, understanding that Billy has just revealed a very painful truth about himself. He speaks softly, with genuine care in his voice.
"Yeah… I get it and I understand. " He sighs then, just as quiet, with the sound of the tires running along the road serving as a soft background noise for them as they drive. "I know what it's like in your position, ok?" He looks at Billy for a moment. "You're not alone in this, you know?"
Billy nods once, with a grateful look that lasted barely a second. Then he closed his eyes and let his head rest in the seat.
Stu then quietly tries to think of something positive to say to Billy. He sighs as he looks at Billy. He notices that Billy seems tired and he speaks with a tired tone.
"What do you do in your spare time? Are you still in school or…? " Stu asks in his same soft and caring way as he tries to see if there's anything to take Billy's mind off his troubles for now. "You seem… Very intelligent, you know? I mean… You figured me out pretty quickly, didn't you?" Stu asks with faint amusement as he attempts to sound encouraging.
Billy opens his eyes surprised, and then he laughs, a genuine laugh without sarcasm or frustration.
"School? I barely eat and you want me to go to school and then back to the streets every day?" Billy asks.
He stays silent for a while, then looks through the window.
"It was easier the first years, you know? I never matriculated in college, but I sneaked into some classes frequently. I looked normal, so there were always people trying to befriend me and inviting me to their places to study or hang out. But then… Things got complicated. They always do… I was scared I was making the police job easy by befriending so many people, even if they didn't know my real name. So, I started to avoid everyone and never put a foot there again." he says, looking at Stu's eyes. "And you?"
Stu seems surprised and pleased at Billy's genuine laugh. He smiles and nods afterward.
"Yeah… I see. It must be tough to find a way to keep your mind occupied, especially when life… throws so much else at you like that. " Stu sighs and then speaks with a warm smile. "I, well, I'm just a student and when it comes to my spare time, I like to watch movies or go out with my friends. I like to stay active too. I play basketball, I skate, and I love to run." Stu laughs. "It's all fun stuff."
Billy nods, with a small smile on his face. He is silent for a while, and then he asks.
"Are you single? I didn't see anyone else in your house last week…" He adds.
Stu blushes slightly when Billy asks him about his single status, and then he speaks.
"Yeah, I'm single. I'm not seeing anyone right now, and I'm kind of keeping my options open right now." Stu laughs a little bit. "Why do you ask?" Stu speaks with just a slight tint of curiosity in his voice, more so because he can't imagine why Billy would care to know. Stu's never had someone ask him that, let alone a man.
"Nothing, I'm just curious." Billy says, shrugging. He takes his hair behind his ear. "I was… Just making conversation. I can always be quiet if you like… " He grins.
Stu laughs and gives Billy a pat on his arm.
"I don't mind the conversation, I quite like it, to tell you the truth. " Stu sounds genuinely happy to hear that Billy's not upset with their little conversation. He smiles and then asks a question. "Well, how about you? Anyone you're seeing?" Stu speaks with a slight mischief in his voice, trying to see if he can get any information about Billy's love life, as he's been pretty honest until this point about his life. After all, they are on friendly terms now.
Billy turns red and looks away. He's not only embarrassed, but also angry that Stu would even ask when the answer was obvious.
"Are we close to your house now?" He changes the matter, trying to sound as calm as before.
Stu laughs a bit when he sees Billy get embarrassed. After that, he nods but then he speaks in a quiet and more sad tone when he replies.
"Yeah, just around the corner. " Stu speaks in a gentle and understanding tone. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. My fault. " He sighs once more. " I should've known that was a dumb question. " Stu shakes his head slightly, and he turns his head forward when he speaks, sounding apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"Whatever" Billy sighs, looking outside. But then he frowns and leans closer to Stu to ask. "Why would you even think someone would take an interest in me, when I look like trash?" He asks in a stern voice.
"Why?" Stu speaks in almost a whisper when he responds. The genuine surprise in his voice and in his face says it all. His eyebrows furrow and he speaks softly with a calm understanding. "Because you look beautiful. You always did" He speaks in a tender tone. " Seriously, Billy. You're not trash, ok? Don't talk about yourself like that, I mean it. You're more than that." He pats Billy's arm again.