When Billy comes out of the bedroom, he sees Roman sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee. There's another one over the table, next to many video tapes and papers with text in a pile.
Roman looks up at him with a serious expression first, studying him from head to toe. Then he smiles a bit, though it doesn't reach his eyes.
Billy's still a little disoriented from everything that just happened, so he takes a second to collect his thoughts before joining Roman at the table. He takes a seat, his voice soft as he speaks.
"So…. How about that talk you mentioned? " He's not sure whether or not to actually mention what happened before or not, but he feels a part of him really wants to, so he takes a chance. "You know that was my first time, so... what exactly am I getting myself into here?"
"Is that so?" Roman says, an amused expression in his face. He sighs and leaves his cup aside. "Are you scared, Billy?" he asks looking straight into Billy's eyes. "I'm pretty sure I didn't force you to do anything, but you can tell me if you feel that's not the case."
Something about the way Roman speaks to him makes his breath hitch a bit. When he mentions the possibility of him feeling forced into anything, fear starts running through Billy's entire body. The last thing he ever wants to do is make Roman angry. He shakes his head, looking over at Roman with wide, slightly fearful eyes.
"I mean... no, you didn't…" he swallows and breathes a bit heavier. "I just... I've... " he trails off for a moment. "What do you want from me?"
Roman studies his eyes for a second, and then he laughs briefly in a more genuine way.
"You're scared." he affirms, now looking into the tapes in his table, thinking. "Lucky for you, I just happen to have good intentions, Billy." He looks up at him with a more sincere expression now, even if the serious tone of his voice was there. "I still wonder what you were looking for there when you should be having fun with people of your age." he says, and keeps looking at Billy intently.
Billy starts to get a little more defensive here, still slightly fearful but not so much that he's unwilling to stand up for himself. There's a small part of him that doesn't believe Roman has good intentions for him, not even knowing if he should be trusting him at all. He crosses his arms and rests his chin in his hand, his face growing less fearful and a small grin spreading on his face.
"What, and you think I was looking for you?" he can't help but chuckle a bit, the thought of him looking for Roman being slightly amusing to him.
Roman laughs, a bit surprised by Billy's response. He shakes his head as he says "No, that's ridiculous." He stays silent for a moment, and then he stares at Billy's eyes with a smirk on his face. "Do you want to know why I think you did it or are you going to tell me your reasons?" There's a hint of entertainment in his face. "It doesn't change anything for me."
He stays silent for a moment, and then he laughs a bit, his face growing more amused.
"Well, let's see... I have no friends, and people my age…" he shakes his head and looks at the ground. "I don't know. They seem like they're all so... fake." he gives a little shrug. " They don't seem genuine enough, I guess. You seem genuine. Genuine as hell, in fact." he looks back up at Roman, a small grin on his face. He's starting to enjoy this. "So… what would you guess my reasons would be?"
Roman nods his head, thinking about what Billy says. He doesn't look convinced at all, but he doesn't confront Billy's lies.
He leans closer to Billy, resting his hand on his nape to impede him lean away.
"I think you were looking for a reason to believe you matter at all. That it's not your fault that your mother didn't love you enough to leave you without hesitation, without saying goodbye or a way to contact her. That it's not your fault that your father doesn't have time to spend with you at all and he doesn't show interest in any aspect of your life" he smirks, his cold face looking straight into Billy's eyes. "That it's not your fault your girlfriend doesn't seem interested in this farce of a relationship you have... He leans closer to Billy's face as he sees his eyes wide. "You were looking for the minimal bit of affection, weren't you?"
Those words hit Billy like tons of bricks. He doesn't move a muscle as he listens to Roman speak, staring right back at him with his mouth hanging slightly open. He's completely and utterly caught off guard as he gets his very existence called out like that.
The things Roman's saying are hitting much, much too close to home. He's not sure he's ever heard such an accurate description of his own life, and it's terrifying. More than that, it's completely and utterly devastating.
He didn't expect Roman to be so perceptive, much less so brutally honest with him. He knows that everything Roman said is true, but to actually have it said out loud like that is a different matter entirely.
His eyes widen as Roman gets closer, and his stomach almost drops out from under him as he senses him leaning in close. His expression is one of horror, surprise, fear. He's shocked by Roman's cold, calculated words, and he feels the ground sink under him. He's never felt so seen, so... exposed.
The feeling of Roman's breath on his skin, his mouth inches from his face is more than he can handle.
" How... I... " he tries to pull back but he can't. "How do you even know that?"
"It's not your fault" Roman whispers, his lips almost caressing Billy's own. "I can show you."
When Roman whispers it almost sounds like he really means it... at least a little bit. The words, along with the fact that he won't even let Billy try to pull away from him send a shiver down Billy's spine. He can't help but believe that Roman knows more about him than he does himself.
He gives a tiny nod in response, still feeling almost frozen by a mixture of fear, excitement, and curiosity. He's never been this vulnerable with anyone before, but at the same time, he's never been this comfortable.
"Do you?"
Roman smirks pleased with Billy's answer. "Okay" he says, before his hand closes firmly in a bunch of Billy's hair as he closes the distance between their lips. He doesn't go for a fierce kiss, but a determined one, doesn't give Billy any chance of dominance or getting away from it.
He lets out a muffled squeak as Roman grabs him by the hair and pulls him in for the kiss. Billy's eyes drift shut, and his body freezes at Roman's touch. The kiss is so sudden but it feels so right. It takes him a moment to fully realize what's happening, and even after that it takes him a moment to start kissing him back, but when he does he gives into the kiss completely.
He can feel his body responding to it in more ways than one. He's never felt this kind of intimacy in a kiss before, and the rush of sensations that are shooting through his body right now are more intense.
Roman distances himself and studies Billy's face.
"Of course it's not your fault..." he mutters, his mind clearly pondering something in silence. He lets go of Billy's hair slowly. "Who wouldn't want you." he whispers as he sits straight and a smirk shows into his face. "I'll show you then." He says.
Billy lets out a soft chuckle at that. He's still a little stunned by what just happened, his heart still racing and his knees feeling weak. But for a moment, he lets himself get caught up in how good the kiss felt. He gives Roman a little grin back.
"Are you serious?" his eyes lit up with excitement, despite all the feelings of guilt and shame he still has, the idea of someone actually wanting him in the way that he's always wanted just about everyone who's ever been in his life hits like a ton of bricks. "You mean it?"
"You have to ask?" Roman says, in a more soft tone than he has been using. He takes the TV control and turns it on. Then he takes Billy by his hip, signaling him to sit closer. "Don't think so little about yourself."
Billy can't help but smile a bit as he sits down next to Roman, although any feelings of shame and guilt he had a minute ago have almost completely vanished. Instead, they've now been replaced by a growing sense of euphoria that he's never felt before, and he can't stop thinking about what will happen next.
"Well… I'll definitely try not to. " he chuckles a little bit. "You really mean it? "His eyes are wide and excited, almost as though he can't believe what he's hearing. " I can't believe it. My life is a mess, and you want me?"
Roman puts his arm over Billy's shoulder and caresses one of them slowly. "I'm serious," he says, with a smile. "It's not your fault your life has been a mess lately." He puts on the TV and looks at Billy with a smile still on his face. "Look, pay attention." he says, gripping him a bit tighter now.
Billy's breathing gets heavier when Roman puts his arm around him and grips his arm a bit tighter. It feels so good to be touched by him, and he's having a hard time paying any attention to the TV. He's completely and utterly focused on Roman, and he gives a soft nod, taking a long and deep breath before he focuses back on the TV. He's still in awe of him, and even after everything that's happened, a feeling of safety comes over him when he's with Roman. " You really mean it, don't you? I can't believe it."
"Of course," Roman says, kissing his head. There's a smirk on his face, the fact that Billy's being so blunt around him means he has been able to grip his trust.
Billy's attention focuses on the TV when his father appears on the tape they're looking at. He is confused about why Roman has these tapes to begin with, when suddenly there's his girlfriend's mother on screen kissing his father, making him taste rage in his mouth.
The instant Billy realizes what he's seeing, a wave of fury and hatred crashes over him. All at once, he's overcome with a feeling of betrayal that he's never felt before. He starts breathing heavily and shaking, and the feelings of hurt and confusion that he's had for most of his life start to come pouring back. It's a whole mixture of intense emotions all at once, and he's not sure if he's going to cry or scream or be sick. "That… that... no... that... she…" he's at a complete loss for words.
"Yes, you're seeing it. The reason why your life has fallen apart has a name and face, Billy." Roman says, embracing Billy closer and caressing his hair slowly, faking concern, when there's a malevolent smirk on his face.
The look in his eyes goes from hurt and shocked to pure rage. He clenches his fist tight enough to make his knuckles turn white, and his teeth are practically grinding together. He's never been so furious in his life, but the feeling of betrayal and confusion he's feeling is so immense and overwhelming that it's like it's burning off all the other emotions he could possibly be feeling. He tries to speak but he can't. He's completely overcome with this feeling right now, and a small tear actually rolls down one of his cheeks.
"I'll kill her."