The next day proved to be the mess Emily had been expecting it to be. Unfortunately.
She had used the snooze button a couple time too many, and for that reason woken a bit later then she would have liked. Still, she knew everything about herself would be analyzed by the team when the news that she was leaving came.
She took care of making sure she looked extremely put together, a dark pantsuit to make herself seem stronger and closer in looks to the man she would be meeting. The red blouse she liked and fit her well. She took extra care on her make up, and while she looked at the mirror, she could see the irony that she felt like she was preparing for battle.
She had stopped and got muffins for everyone, which made her run a bit later then the time they had to usually be at the office. But considering the time she usually got the office, she was very late getting there 20 minutes before 9AM.
As she left the elevator and started going in the direction of the bullpen, when she found herself looking directly into Aaron Hotchner's face. He had a couple more lines around his eyes, clearly those years on witness protection hadn't been easy. But he looked the same as the last time she had see him. And her heart felt a bit squeezed that she wouldn't get to see him get back to full Unit Chief mode.
He stood in between the desks, talking to JJ and Reid who had their backs to her. It was going to be hard leaving it all behind again, it had already torn her apart when she had to leave after Doyle, and coming back had felt weird, trapped and out of place. That's why she decided to leave again and give herself time to fix the cracks on her foundation.
Coming back when Hotch had asked for her had been a no brainer, thinking back she feels like she barely had stopped to think what she was doing to her life while she resigned from the Interpol position and accepted to be back full on in the BAU. It felt a little bit like she was coming back to where she belonged, so how come now she feels like she is losing her home and her family in the same way she felt after Doyle?
When Hotch's eyes look in her direction, she feels like she can't engage in a conversation with him or the team yet. She can't just join them and have a frugal conversation of him coming back and her leaving. So, she did the only adult thing she could do, she bolted pretending she hadn't seen anyone.
Instinct reaction is a bitch. But she never saw his face fall when he realized she had ran.
Emily knocks on the door and opens it. Penelope is typing away and very concentrated on whatever task is in front of her. Which sits fine with Emily as she won't have time to notice her how spooked she looks.
"Hey Boss wonder, I'm just checking on a few details but it looks like we have a case." Her eyer were still glued to the screen as she typed and talked.
"Hey Garcia. Okay, what is it?" Putting her mind back into work, that she could do.
"Woman have been kidnapped in Chicago, they disappear for different amounts of time, and when they are found they have no recollection of what happened or where they were, or who they were with. Complete memory loss for an extensive period of time."
"Okay, send the file to my tablet, and I'll look into it. I have a meeting with the director in about 10 minutes so we will have to wait until then. Also send it to Rossi." She adds as an afterthought. "If my meeting runs late, I'll text him to start briefing the team."
"Yes ma'am." Penelope turns around for the first time.
"Also, I brought muffins, can you please take those to everyone? I'm running a bit late, so I'll just head up to the director's office." Emily hands Penelope the basket of muffins and starts walking towards the door.
"Already? I feel like you have been running around this whole week, we have barely seen you. And JJ just texted me that Hotch is here."
"Duty calls. I'll be out as soon as I can." She promises with a smile.
The day was only starting.
As Emily leaves the director's office, not being able wrap her head around everything she had heard. She has so many items to cross off her list already she barely knows where to start, and calling Clyde back urgently was one of the most import ones. And at some point she needed to track down the muffins so that she could have breakfast before her headache got even worse than it already was.
Not paying attention around herself, Emily doesn't realize Dave's office door is opening, and almost bumps on the person coming out while she is heading towards the conference room.
"I'm sorry." And she knows that as soon as she looks up and sees Hotch, an incredible awkward look takes over her face. "Excuse me." She tries to bypass him.
"Emily." He tries before she steps back preventing him from touching her arm.
She nods her head as a sort of hello and then looks down at her tablet where the case file is, while she continues to walk.
"Hey, let's just wait for Rossi and then we can start, okay?" She says as she sits down at the round table.
"So… how was your meeting?" Penelope starts and as Emily looks up, she can see six pair of eyes looking expectantly at her.
"News travel fast around here."
"Well you see, we thought since Hotch is here and you have a meeting with the director and… " Dave comes into the room and Emily knows it's time.
"Okay, so let's go over the facts before the case. With the situation with Scratch not being a situation anymore, the FBI has offered him the position of Unit Chief, and he has accepted." They all look confused even if a bit happy at the news of having their friend back for good.
"And you will be…" JJ starts with a frown on her face.
"I'll be finishing the paperwork we have on some of the old cases as well as supervising the pending certifications and recertifications for the month." She tries to be as clear as possible without showing any emotion she had on the situation. She needed to make the transition smooth for the well-being of the team.
"What? They are firing you?" Reid's raised voice showing she was failing.
"No one is being fired, but this wasn't a long-term position Spence. The objective was always to get Hotch back." She tried to reason.
"Yes, get him back. But not with the intention of kicking you out." He still sounded exasperated.
"It's not like that."
"What are you going to do after the month is over then?" JJ intervened to see if they could understand what sort of plans Emily had.
"I don't have anything concrete plans yet. I've made some calls and I might even squeeze in a vacation, which I haven't taken in the last 5 years." Emily forced a laugh.
"This doesn't make any sense, you dropped everything and now they are just giving you a thank you for your services." Luke was the next to speak up.
"Guys I know this might be a bit surprising. But this is what we expected to happen, Hotch is back, and now you are going to keep going as normal. As his team." She made sure to not focus on any of their eyes as she knew this would be hard.
"He is talking to the director right now, and although Rossi will be the one leading the team on this case, he will also be joining to get acclimated again with leading the team. Which we know he will do in no time."
"You are not training him?" Tara questioned.
"No, they have asked me to complete a training, besides the recertifications. And some lectures at the Academy." She looks up at the door just in time to see Hotch standing there. "I'll let Garcia bring you all to speed on the case. But thank you everyone, this couldn't have been done without you." She wished she could say more, but she wasn't sure how long she could keep her voice steady.She got up and left the room before any protests could be made.
As she walked away, she could hear someone was behind her, and she really hoped Hotch hadn't decided that now was the best time to talk. She would close herself off in her office, while it was still her office, while she waited for them to leave for the jet. Then she would accept the director's suggestion to go home for the day.
Just as she entered her office, Rossi was right behind her, closing the door after himself.
"What was that just now? What happed in the meeting?" Her eyes were already filled with tears.
"They are opening an investigation on Stephen Walker's death. I can't be involved in any cases; I can't be in the lead of any teams. And according to the director I should laid low as much as possible while they conduct this investigation." She kept her voice low, but she knew he could hear her, even if she couldn't keep the tears from spilling now.
"No. Emily no, this was not your fault. I'll go to the director myself, the whole team will." Rossi put his hands on the back of the visitor chairs of her table while she sat down on the couch behind them.
"No, the director was very clear. I shouldn't even be telling you about this. For now, the investigation is basically on the leadership of the case and the facts involving his death. I can't let them start questioning other aspects as what happened in Mexico, or the fact that you reinstated Reid after you already had received a dose of pain medication" She started to try and control more her breathing to stop her tears.
"Emily. Everything done during that case was done by the books, we followed procedure."
"Then the investigation should clear me." She didn't know by this point if she was trying to convince him or herself. "I need you to be for Hotch and the team now, there is nothing you can do for me in this situation."
"I can't tell the team what is going on? Hotch? Are you even doing any of the items you mentioned?"
"Strangely enough yes, the director advised that those don't interfere with the investigation and my abilities as a profiler and as a field agent aren't being questioned. And for some reason he decided to add some training to that, probably to keep me busy and out of the investigation." Which she didn't know how to feel about it yet.
"Emily I…"
"I know, but I need you to do me a favor. I need you to be there for the team, and to help them make the transition back to Hotch. And to let me know if you hear anything. Like if they decide to interview you guys and whatnot?" She gave a smile at the sad look on his face.
"We will beat this, kid. I can promise you that. You did nothing wrong."
"Now I just have to prove it."